Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
The Visit - by MMB
Chapter 5: Obstacles
Sydney shuffled quietly down the hallway towards the kitchen, then stopped as the first whiff of fresh coffee met him. Yawning, he pulled the edges of his corduroy bathrobe together and tied the belt more securely around his waist and then proceeded in the direction of the kitchen using his fingers to brush his hair into some semblance of order. For the first few days Parker had been staying with him, it had been he that rose first and made the coffee for breakfast - today, however, she evidently had awakened first. One look at her face and he knew the reason why she had awakened first.
He moved behind her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as she stood slowly preparing breakfast for the two of them. "You're up awfully early," he commented. "Don't tell me..." Her screams had awakened him again the previous night, in what seemed to be becoming a regular event. When she nodded wordlessly, he rubbed her shoulder gently through the velour of her bathrobe. "I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping..."
"You know, Sydney, it's getting so that I'm afraid to go to sleep anymore."
"I know, ma petite," he soothed, reaching around her for the pair of coffee mugs and carrying them over to where the coffeemaker was still trickling dark wakefulness into the pot. "I know it's hard to believe right now, but the nightmares WILL stop eventually, I promise you."
"I sure hope so." She poured the scrambled eggs into the frying pan and began patiently tending them. She looked over her shoulder at her host, noting the hint of fatigue still written on his face as the result of more interrupted sleep. "This isn't much easier on you either - my waking you up in the middle of the night every night lately - and I'm sorry for that."
"Hush. You have nothing to apologize for," Sydney shushed at her. "I told you I knew pretty much what I was in for - and that I went through my own set of withdrawals. I admit I didn't go through anything half as drastic as you are..." He thought for a moment as he scratched his head sleepily. "I think maybe we should start having you take one-hour cat-naps throughout the day to make up for the lack of restful sleep at night, however."
"As long as I don't end up with my days and nights mixed up," she warned him, turning the yellow mass in the frying pan skillfully.
"I don't think we'll have to worry too much about that for a while yet," he told her frankly as he opened cupboard doors and put two plates next to her as she stood at the stove. "You have a long way to go before you're anywhere near caught up on your rest, Parker." He went to the fridge and pulled out a loaf of bread and a cube of butter. "At least this isn't messing with your appetite," he commented, dropping two slices of bread into the toaster and pushing the lever down.
"As if you'd let ANYthing mess with THAT," she responded with a patient glance over her shoulder at him. "And I have to admit that even though I'm tired, I'm not feeling that bad anymore. In many ways..."
He looked back at her fondly then turned to pour two mugs full of coffee. "Yes, you've come a long way," he admitted, "but let's not get over-confident here. You have a ways to go yet - and that's just physically. These constant nightmares are telling you that there are deeper emotional issues that are beginning to bubble up too. We'll have to work on that end of things too, eventually..."
"I've always had nightmares, Syd - ever since I was very young," she reminded him.
"I know that. Most people don't, however. And you're having them nightly - or more often than that now." He shook his head. "Something else is at work here other than just a fear that the Centre will start chasing you like it chased Jarod all those years."
"You mean, you don't think they're just Centre withdrawal symptoms anymore?" she asked unhappily.
"I'm starting to think that while the first nightmare or so was strictly withdrawal, it may have opened the door for something else that desperately needs to bubble out too." He put the mugs down at their places at the table, then turned back to the toaster to butter the newly heated bread.
"God, you'd think dealing with the idea that Raines and Company are going to slither into Scottsdale, murder you and haul me back to Delaware is enough bilge for one person's lifetime." Her voice was bitter as she put the frying pan back on the stove and carried the plates to the table with the scrambled eggs divided evenly between them, then sat down once the plates were in their proper place.
Sydney brought the plate with the finished pieces of toast to the table and seated himself at his now-customary place. "But that's just it - you're not the kind of person from whom I would expect this," he told her gently, "otherwise your overall personality would have been quite different - and your reactions to the events of your life quite different too. For you to be suffering repeatedly from such frankly stress-filled nightmares NOW means that there is something else powering the dream time paranoia - an event or experience that your mind has shut away rather than deal with."
"Why can't I just be normal?" she complained before sipping at her coffee.
"Don't worry - you ARE normal," he assured her firmly. "Normal people would need time to decompress after spending so much of their lives in that hellhole. That's why I'm not surprised at the nightmares per se - a certain amount of textbook-quality Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome from you was what I expected all along. But like I say, something else is behind what's going on now. And that's what we'll have to uncover and deal with in order to win you a restful night's sleep."
"But..." she continued, undeterred, "Why does it have to be ME who is developing these night fears NOW?"
"You might as well ask why you were born in Delaware, or why you're female," Sydney replied dryly. "We'll just have to be patient - whatever is fueling this WILL show itself eventually. Then we'll deal with it and be done with it."
Parker took a slow bite of her eggs and then moved some of the remainder about on her plate absently with her fork. "I'm really afraid," she admitted finally, looking up at him with wide grey eyes. "I don't know why, Sydney, but I'm so afraid... I don't like this..."
He put out a hand and clasped her empty one warmly. "I know, sweetheart. That fear you feel just thinking about it is, in itself, a warning sign too, you know. Whatever is coming will probably not be a walk in the park for you at all - more than likely, you've been hiding this from yourself for a very good reason. But just remember - you don't have to face this alone. We'll get through this." He squeezed her hand again and then let go of it to return to his own breakfast. "Maybe we can start investigating this a little bit. Why don't you tell me what happened after Broots and I were gone to make you so give up on living. I fully expected you to be miserable when I came back for you - but not to find you among the walking dead. How much do you remember clearly?"
She picked up her coffee mug as she searched her memory for events that had happened after Broots' sudden resignation. "Once everyone was gone - Jarod, Angelo, Broots, you - everything just seemed to slow down," she mused, propping her chin up in an open palm. "Raines assigned me a new team for the hunt for Jarod - another computer tech that wasn't half as skilled as Broots and probably the most dour and humor-deprived psychologist from the entire Psychogenics Department - and after several months of digging, we were still coming up with absolutely nothing. Lyle had his own team like mine, and I knew he wasn't any more successful than I was when MY computer tech found HIS computer tech hacking into our files."
Sydney nodded, pushing his empty plate away and taking up his coffee cup. "That sounds like Lyle - why work hard when you can steal the results from someone else."
She nodded. "Well, I found out why he was willing to steal. Once it became known we were still coming up just as empty as always, it wasn't a week before Raines had us both before T-boards. They kept at me for four days straight." Sydney winced. That was enough to give anybody nightmares. "Lyle's went for five."
Grey eyebrows rose in surprise. "Five?!"
"Raines considered that Lyle wasn't functioning under a disadvantage - I evidently was still under suspicion of helping Jarod stay free. Yours and Broots' sudden departures was twisted into implied evidence of that." She smiled humorlessly and then popped another bite of egg into her mouth. "So of course that meant failure, for Lyle, was a more costly issue."
"Is that what made you sick?" he finally asked carefully. "Did you stop eating after the T-board?"
"No..." She furrowed her brow and thought hard for a bit, then looked up at him. "You know, I don't remember very much after the T-board, though - not until the day you found me at the cemetery. Everything else is just kind of a blur..."
Sydney nodded knowingly. "Then whatever it is that is giving you these nightmares must have come sometime after the T-board exam."
Parker shuddered, yet forced herself to finish her egg before it was cold and unappetizing. "I don't want to think about it anymore," she pleaded, not meeting his gaze for the first time in a long time. "Please, Sydney? Just thinking about those times makes me feel like... I don't know... Let it go for a while, please?"
Chestnut eyes studied her mood and reactions carefully even as he nodded agreement. "I think I have enough to work with for the time being," he told her gently and saw her sigh deeply with relief and finally look up to meet his eye again. "I also think we'll just walk a block or so today - both of us are still a little tired, so there's no need to wear ourselves completely out before noon."
"Would you be very put out with me if I asked that we NOT take a walk this morning?" she asked with a yawn. "I mean, if I take a shower this morning, and I need to if I'm going to be publicly presentable, then I'm going to need a nap before I do much of anything else after that..."
"I'll compromise with you," he nodded. "You take your shower and then nap out here on the couch for an hour or so, and then we'll decide whether we go on a walk after that. How's that sound?"
She stood and then bent to deposit a kiss on his cheek before gathering the dishes. "You're a pussy-cat, you know that?"
"Remember this the next time you're angry at me for pushing you when you don't want to get pushed anymore," Sydney chuckled up at her. "Better still, I'll remind you. But go on, now - I'll handle the dishes, you go take your shower."
Parker smirked and deposited her dishes in the sink and then turned to do as he directed. Even that little bit of banter had had the power to help lift her mood - and a nice hot shower sounded like just the remedy for the early morning drags. She collected the clothing she had chosen for the day from where she'd put it out on the bed and headed for the bathroom at the end of the hallway.
She still could hardly believe the turn-around her life had taken since agreeing to come to Arizona with Sydney. Less than a week ago she'd been merely going through the motions of living amid the bleak and desolate ruins of a life that held no friends, no hope, no solace. Now she was wrapped in the warmth of Sydney's affections - he was shamelessly coddling her back towards a healthy life and comforting her when the dregs of that old and painful existence threatened her serenity. She had a new name - Parker Green - and a new life ready for her to shape it when she was ready to take up the challenge. Her old identity “Miss Parker”, “Ice Queen” of the Centre, seemed light-years away from “Parker Green,” Sydney Green's pampered and protected daughter. She even had made a new friend in Sydney's chess partner, Paul Ruiz, a friendship she hoped she'd feel more up to exploring in the near future. While Sydney gave her love and support without reservation, Paul had the power both to make her laugh and to make her feel dainty - the latter no mean feat.
When the water was hot enough, she opened the velour robe and slipped out of the silken nightgown and stepped into the tub and under the steaming and pulsing showerhead. When she'd arrived, she'd barely had the strength to walk from one room to the next. Now, with several days of Sydney's constant attention to her nutrition behind her, she was walking farther and feeling peppier than she had for a long time. She squeezed a small amount of her favorite shampoo into her hand and worked her hair into a lather. Were it not for those damned nightmares, she'd have been genuinely happy for the first time in her life since her mother left her - since Thomas.
Leaning back, she let the warm water rinse through her hair, running her fingers through it until they squeaked and told her all the shampoo was gone. She applied an equally small dollop of body wash to her bath puff and scrubbed herself with the fragrant lather that emerged from that. Then she stood under the hot stream and let the water wash over her, rinsing the soap away along with much of her fatigue. She rinsed the puff and turned off the water and stepped from the tub, using a smaller towel to wrap her wet hair in and then reaching for the huge, thick towel with which to dry herself.
And at that point, the lights in the bathroom died, leaving her in an absolute darkness that struck at her unexpectedly and viciously like a sledgehammer to the chest.
Sydney's brows furled briefly when he heard the refrigerator motor suddenly die, and he turned and gazed at the kitchen clock for a moment until he could see that the second hand wasn't moving at all. The sudden, dim wail of a siren slowly coming closer told him the story - someone had collided with some part of the electrical power grid. It was a bane of city life, drunks hitting power poles. He stepped over to the glass doors of the balcony and shifted the curtains back to peer outside at the stoplights at the busy intersection below, finding them also dark and the streets already clogged with drivers having to carefully take turns through the intersection.
With a sniff, he returned to rinsing the dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher for washing later, then shuffled down the hallway to his own bedroom and bath for a quick shower and shave to finish off his morning routine. He glanced at the bathroom door at the end of the hallway, a little surprised to see it still completely closed. There was no window in that tiny room of the condo to let even the smallest ray of sunlight in - so with the door closed, it must be pitch black in there. No sound of water running came to his ears. She must be out of the shower by now, he thought, and wondered again at the still-closed door. Something wasn't right.
"Parker?" he called softly, knocking on the door, "are you alright?"
He heard a soft whimper from within - a sound that galvanized him into action. "Parker?" he called a little more loudly, trying the knob and finding it locked. "Are you OK? Talk to me, sweetheart." The only sound that he could hear as an answer was another small whimper.
Grim-faced, he walked quickly into his bedroom and straight to his closet, dragging out an old and barely-used toolbox. Selecting the finest straight screwdriver he could find, he hurried back to the bathroom door and inserted the screwdriver through the little hole in the knob, searching for and then finding the slot that allowed the door to be unlocked from the outside. He felt the lock give and withdrew the screwdriver so he could turn the knob and push the door open.
She was curled into a small knot against the wall by the stool - her mouth open and obviously straining for breath and her eyes wide and terror-filled, with only the tiniest grey rim around the dark pupil. She had pulled her knees to her chest and was hugging them tightly even as she struggled to catch her breath. Slowly the realization that there was light in the room again penetrated her panic, and she finally focused on the silhouette of a very concerned Sydney standing in the center of the open doorway.
"Parker!" He moved and knelt by her, putting a hand on the chilled skin of her shoulder and feeling her tremble violently at the touch. "My God! What is it?"
"Can't... breathe..." she gasped painfully. "Chest... tight..."
Sydney frowned as he put his arm around her and pulled her toward him. A panic attack over being plunged into darkness? What the hell WAS she working through? "C'mon, sweetheart, let's get you out of here." It took work, and a good deal of soothing and coaxing, to get her back up on her feet. He reached for her robe, hanging on a hook, and drew it over her head. "Put your arms in the sleeves," he directed firmly, watching her numbly follow his instructions. He zipped the robe over the towel and then led her from the bathroom and back to her bedroom. With a tiny push, he had her sitting on the edge of her bed, and he was quick to sit down next to her, one hand moving in slow and gentle circles across her back. "You can breathe, Parker, relax. You're OK. Don't try so hard - shallow breaths, sweetheart..."
She leaned into him, and he held her carefully, his hand at her back still stroking her soothingly while she struggled to bring herself back into control. "I can't... do this... Sydney," she choked out, still shaking and feeling her heart beating so fast in her chest that she thought it might break free.
"We obviously can't let this continue this way," Sydney agreed, his hand still moving gently on her back. "I think waiting will only make things harder for you. It looks as if we'll have to go after this one deliberately - get through it as quickly and directly as possible." Parker whimpered miserably against his chest in protest. "I know, I know," he soothed then, "but this is the only way to put an end to stuff like this, and you know it."
She shuddered, and he tightened his arms around her for a while, giving her all the strength he could through his embrace. Then: "Get dressed, Parker, and I'll do the same - when you're dressed, just go crash on the couch in the living room. I'll be out shortly, and then we'll deal with this once and for all."
"What are you going to do?" she asked in a small voice, finally having her breath back enough to speak clearly again.
"Hypnosis," he told her quietly. "That way, hopefully I can help you look at whatever it is that's causing you so much pain without your having to suffer through the fear or emotions or pain again."
She looked up at him, and her eyes, while obviously filled with fear, also held a note of something he'd not seen from her in a long time: complete trust. She sighed a shuddering sigh as he loosened his hold and she sat herself up. "I guess the sooner we get to it, the sooner it's over," she commented in an almost defeated tone.
Sydney made quick work of shaving and just washing his face in lieu of a shower and then got dressed as fast as he could. She was already sitting primly on the couch when he returned to the living room, her hair still wet and merely brushed back out of her face.
"Lie down," he directed, finding a seat on the coffee table next to her, "and make yourself comfortable." He watched her settle into the pillows and move about a little until she looked up at him, ready. "Now I want you to listen to the sound of my voice. Close your eyes and let your concentration focus until the only thing you are aware of is the sound of my voice..." Slowly, gently, he talked her down into a hypnotic state until he was satisfied. "Can you hear me?"
"Yes." Her voice was soft and uninflected.
"I want you to let your mind wander back through your memories of recent days, back before your trip to Arizona, back to walking away from the T-board you sat after your new team found no traces of Jarod." Sydney watched as her brow furled slightly and she shifted as if nervous. "You will remember that you are only an observer to these memories. You will feel no pain, no fear. It will be as if you are watching the actions of someone else. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she replied, settling down again and her face smoothing into serenity.
"Do you go home after the T-board?"
"Yes," she replied softly. "I sleep and then go back to work the next day as if nothing had happened."
"Is this while Lyle was having his T-board?"
She smirked slightly. "Uh-huh." She sounded almost satisfied at the discomfort her twin was no doubt experiencing in his turn.
"What happens then?"
Parker's brow folded again. "It's about a week later. I am... in my office, drinking coffee and studying the latest psychological profile from the new psychiatrist, Filmore, and..."
"What?"
"I'm getting so sleepy..."
Sydney frowned. "Do you mean your coffee was drugged?" She nodded. "What is happening when you wake up?"
"I'm on a... hard bed..." she remembered, her brow folding more tightly now.
"Relax. You're just an observer, remember?"
She nodded and some of the nervousness evaporated again. "I'm in a room - in the Renewal Wing, I think. Mr. Raines is there. He's giving me some sort of injection. God!" She sat nearly straight up, her hands at her chest and throat. "I can hardly breathe..."
Sydney's hands were at her shoulders immediately. "Easy, Parker. Lie back and calm down. You are just an observer. You will feel no pain. Take a deep breath and tell me what you see and hear."
"Mr. Raines is telling me that he had warned me that failure was not an option. He says, 'Maybe THIS will convince you to look harder for Jarod.'"
She was still having problems keeping herself calm, and Sydney put a restraining hand on her shoulder. "Take a deep breath and let go of the memory for a moment. You are in a safe and warm place, where nothing can harm you. Do you feel it?" She nodded slowly. "Breathe in that safety and warmth and let it fill you from top to bottom. You will return to the memory, but you will be only an observer. You are full of safety and warmth, and nothing you see or hear will touch you. Do you hear me?"
"Yes," she said once more in a soft and uninflected voice, her face serene.
"OK, Mr. Raines has just told you that what he is doing will convince you to work harder. What is happening now?"
Her voice was shaking again. "He's giving me another injection, and my chest is getting tighter. I can't... breathe..."
Sydney tightened his hand on her shoulder. "My hand keeps you tied into that place where you are safe and warm. You can breathe, and you can tell me what happens next."
Parker shuddered, then took a breath. "He is moving my bed into... into a dark box... closing me into... Oh, God! I think I'm in a coffin... I can't breathe..." Her mouth worked soundlessly for a moment. "He's killing me..."
Sydney's stomach was roiling at the thought of this torment that not only had been perpetrated on Jarod many years earlier, but so recently on Parker too. For a brief moment, he knew that if Raines were in the room with him now, he WOULD kill him. "Move forward in time, Parker. Take a deep breath - you are safe and warm and moving smoothly past this darkness. What happens next?"
"I feel... pounding... on my chest... a tube in my throat..." She swallowed hard. "I can breathe again... but I hurt... a lot..." She rubs her chest over her sternum. "Mr. Raines comes back and tells me that the next time I come here, he may not revive me..." A tear slid down the side of her face. "My God! I'm going to have to go through this again because there's no sign of Jarod... I can't let him kill me like this... I can't live this way..."
"OK, Parker, I want you to let go and return to the warm and safe place." He paused a bit, and her face cleared of all emotion. "Are you back where it's warm and safe again?" She nodded. "You will remember everything about this event that you have previously forgotten. But now every time you think of this event you will feel my hand on your shoulder and immediately know that you are now safe and warm - that Mr. Raines cannot touch you here." He waited again and let his suggestions sink into her deep unconscious. "And now I want you to slowly bring your concentration back to this room, with me. You will open your eyes, feeling as if you had just had a restful night's sleep, when I count to three. One... Two... Three..."
Her grey eyes blinked open, and Sydney could see the memory of that horrible day was floating on the surface of her mind, free and unencumbered at last. Another tear slipped down the side of her face, and then she was sitting up, arms outstretched and reaching for Sydney to hold her. "My God," she whispered as she felt him enfold her tightly. "I didn't realize..."
"That explains why even the slightest possibility of being forced to return to the Centre is so distressful to you too," he soothed into her ear. "It represents a return to the very real threat of your own murder." He kissed her gently. "I had no idea that Raines would try such a thing! I should never have waited so long to come for you! If I had..."
"No," she countered, shaking her head against his chest, "if you had come earlier, I wouldn't have felt that my options were exhausted, and I'd have stayed. It's not your fault that Raines is a monster." She pushed herself away so that she could reach up and wipe away the tears that were falling from his eyes this time. "I know myself, Syd. I had to hit absolute bottom before I could hear you. Don't blame yourself! I'm just glad you did come back for me - now more than ever." She pressed herself back into his arms again. "I love you so much, Sydney."
"I love you too, ma petite belle cheri," he whispered against her hair, never so grateful that she was with him as in that moment. "My God, I almost lost you," he shook his head and leaned his wet cheek against her hair, pulling her possessively as close to him as he could.
Parker nestled contentedly against him and let her mind carefully examine the memory of the days that had followed the incredible event she'd just had restored to her, for they were no longer just an indiscriminate blur. Now she could bring to mind the knowing, threatening looks she'd received from Raines every day without fail following her near-death experience - the ominous phone calls at all hours of the day and night - and understand her violent reaction to them. Now she could see how each one of those glares and phone calls had weakened her will to live just that much more, how each had been a deliberate and malicious assault on her. Now she could see how, on the day she'd visited the cemetery, her hold on life - on sanity itself - had become so very tenuous. And now she could fully appreciate how Sydney's arrival had literally saved her life - because if Raines hadn't killed her soon as he threatened, she would have died soon anyway.
"I want to walk in the sunlight today," she announced quietly. "I have a new life to start, and I want to get well enough to do that. It's time to put the past behind me at last and start moving forward." She felt Sydney sigh and then nod above her. "And I want to do something else too from now on - I've been thinking about it for a while - but I need your permission first."
"What's that, ma petite?"
She pushed herself away from him so that they could once more look at each other. "I don't think a daughter should call her father by his first name, do you?" Slightly weepy and very startled chestnut came up to meet her grey. "And “Daddy” reminds me of something and someone I'd just as soon put behind me," she continued, and then grew just a bit hesitant. "Would you mind very much if I called you “Papa” instead?"
"Parker, I don't know what to say..."
"A simple yes or no will suffice..." A shaky smile disarmed what could otherwise have sounded like a barb.
"Yes!" The word exploded from him, followed by an equally hesitant smile that grew into one of his rare and wide grins of true pleasure. "I think I'd like that very much."
"Then, Papa," she tried the name on her tongue for the first time and found it easier to say than she'd thought, "how about I take you out to lunch? We can walk to that soup and salad and sandwich place we saw yesterday..."
Greying eyebrows rose. "Are you sure you're up to that after everything you've put yourself through this morning?"
She nodded firmly. "It's an early celebration for me. This is my first day hopefully free of that horrible darkness at last, and my first day with my Papa." She looked into his face searchingly. "This impromptu therapy session hasn't worn YOU out, has it?"
"Don't be silly!" he rose and held out his hands to her to help her to her feet as well. "Right now I think I could take on all comers."
"Let me go get my purse then..." she smiled at him, amazed at how rested she did feel after that emotional rollercoaster. Sydn... her Papa must have ended the hypnotic session with a suggestion that she feel rested once she awoke. She smiled to herself. Her Papa - that had a good sound to it, very acceptable.
Sydney watched her go down the hallway toward her room with a spring in her step that he hadn't realized had been missing for a very long time - since long before he'd left Delaware the first time. He felt cautiously optimistic that while the nightmares might take a night or two to resolve completely yet, he'd uncovered enough for her to be able to come out from beneath this latest cloud on her own steam.
The restaurant Parker wanted to go to was two full city blocks away, and the walk was a sedate but subtlely energized one. Her hands on his arm were quite clingy still, but this time she held onto him tightly in a very positive and possessive way - and Sydney had covered her hands with his free one in an equally possessive gesture. Their conversation as they ambled along steered completely clear of anything remotely related to Delaware, the Centre, Raines or her recovered memory - it was as if she was seeing the narrow green belt of Indian Wash Park through fresh eyes and was filled with questions about everything she saw. Indeed, she felt as if she was finally waking up from a very long sleep where her very vision had been restricted by blinders. The fresh and new leaves on the palo verde trees that lined the wash caught her attention, as did the ravens and roadrunners that flitted among the branches. The breeze of the warming springtime was gentle on her cheek and caressed her ears and neck, lifting hair that was soft and curly because she hadn't blown it straight.
They were shown to a table near the window, and in the light Sydney was able to appreciate the difference just a week of care had made in his companion's - his daughter's, he reminded himself - face. She had taken the time to use makeup to hide the dark circles from her interrupted nights, but she didn't need makeup to hide sunken cheeks any longer. Some of the softer lines were slowly returning, and the gentle curls and waves in her hair was a pleasant change from the smooth that had been “Miss Parker.” He made a mental note to mention to her that he liked the new look that she'd chosen for the day and suggest she keep it. Her grey eyes were no longer tired and defeated - and for the first time in ages, there was the slightest hint of sparkle behind those expressive grey eyes that reminded him so much of her mother.
"I didn't realize you two came here for lunch," a rich voice spoke from behind Sydney, and he turned slightly as Paul walked up next to their table - obviously on his way to his own. "Hi there, pretty lady," he smiled at Parker, noting that she smiled at him much more easily than before. If anything, Sydney's daughter was even prettier than he remembered.
"Join us," she offered, gesturing at one of the empty chairs at their table. "We haven't ordered yet..."
"Thanks, but I have a department meeting that has just relocated from a board room to a big booth," Paul answered, using his nose to point to a boisterous group of people just seating themselves at the huge booth at the back of the restaurant. "Maybe next time?"
"OK," she answered gently.
The tall professor looked over at his colleagues, and then back down at the pair seated at the smaller table. "Look, there's going to be a potluck and dance at the clubhouse tomorrow evening. I know you don't normally go for such things..." Paul said to Sydney, "but I was thinking maybe I could lure your lovely daughter into joining me."
"You know as well as I do that the reason I've avoided those potlucks is because I'd have to put up with Lydia's outrageous overtures," Sydney grumbled good-naturedly. He saw Parker's raised eyebrow and hastened to explain. "Lydia Simmons is a widow who is on the lookout for her next husband..."
"And has pretty well announced it to the complex that Sydney is the one she wants," Paul filled in the rest of the story for his friend, then chuckled heartily at the dour expression that flooded the Belgian's face.
"Papa didn't tell me he had a girlfriend," Parker commented with a sideways glance at Sydney, who merely aimed his glower at her - making her chuckle before reaching out to him to touch a hand sympathetically. "I don't blame you," she soothed. "I've seen my share of the flowing dowager - they can be downright scary. Lydia IS something, as I remember..."
"You have no idea!" He opened his menu. "I've never escaped her clutches quite so cleanly as I did the other night with you in tow."
"I'm surprised she hasn't set her sights on you," Parker looked up into Paul's smile.
"Uh-unh," he shook his head firmly. "She knows she'd have to go into competition with all the pretty little coeds who throw themselves at me every term." He shrugged. "Not that those stand much of a chance either - I've watched too many others go down that path. But back to tomorrow night and the potluck..."
"What about Janine?" Sydney asked suddenly. "Don't you usually bring her to such things?"
"She's going to be at a slumber party," Paul answered easily. "She's barely going to come home from school before catching the bus for her friend's house." He looked down and saw the sudden questions in Parker's eyes. "My daughter is twelve and has this little pack of girls that she hangs with constantly," he explained. "You'll have to meet her sometime - I think you'd like her."
Parker looked over at Sydney, remembering the bond that had grown between herself and Broots' daughter, Debbie, in the days before everything had fallen apart. Losing the time she and the girl had spent together so abruptly had been a severe blow. She wasn't ready to walk down that road again quite yet. "Maybe sometime..." she hedged reluctantly.
"But what about tomorrow night? Can I interest you in accompanying me?" Paul could see that the subject of his daughter touched a tender nerve - hopefully not so much of one that Parker would turn him down.
"Would you mind..." she turned to Sydney.
"Ma petite, if you want to go, don't let my allergy to Lydia Simmons stop you," he patted her hand gently. "Just don't tire yourself out is all I ask."
"I'll take good care of her for you and bring her home long before curfew, Dad," Paul found himself promising his friend, then looked back down. "So - what do you say?"
"I think I'd like that," she smiled back up at him. "What time?"
"I'll knock on your door at about five-thirty," the professor smiled widely. "Great!" His smile widened even further.
"Hey, Paul!" came a call from the back of the room. "We need your input, man..."
"I'd better go," he sighed, backing away from the smaller table reluctantly. "I'll see you tomorrow, pretty lady."
Sydney watched his friend walk away with a couple of glances backwards toward Parker and then trained his attention to his “daughter.” She too was watching Paul's back, and the expression in her eyes told him everything he wanted to know.
Parker turned back and found his eyes on her face and a soft and contented smile on his face. "You really don't mind?"
"I really don't mind," he reassured her. "You have a new life to start - it's good to see that you're finally ready to face it." He picked up his menu. "Now, let me see what I'm going to let you buy for me..."
With a quiet smile, Parker opened her menu and began to study her options on the lunch front as well.
Chapter 5: Obstacles
Sydney shuffled quietly down the hallway towards the kitchen, then stopped as the first whiff of fresh coffee met him. Yawning, he pulled the edges of his corduroy bathrobe together and tied the belt more securely around his waist and then proceeded in the direction of the kitchen using his fingers to brush his hair into some semblance of order. For the first few days Parker had been staying with him, it had been he that rose first and made the coffee for breakfast - today, however, she evidently had awakened first. One look at her face and he knew the reason why she had awakened first.
He moved behind her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder as she stood slowly preparing breakfast for the two of them. "You're up awfully early," he commented. "Don't tell me..." Her screams had awakened him again the previous night, in what seemed to be becoming a regular event. When she nodded wordlessly, he rubbed her shoulder gently through the velour of her bathrobe. "I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping..."
"You know, Sydney, it's getting so that I'm afraid to go to sleep anymore."
"I know, ma petite," he soothed, reaching around her for the pair of coffee mugs and carrying them over to where the coffeemaker was still trickling dark wakefulness into the pot. "I know it's hard to believe right now, but the nightmares WILL stop eventually, I promise you."
"I sure hope so." She poured the scrambled eggs into the frying pan and began patiently tending them. She looked over her shoulder at her host, noting the hint of fatigue still written on his face as the result of more interrupted sleep. "This isn't much easier on you either - my waking you up in the middle of the night every night lately - and I'm sorry for that."
"Hush. You have nothing to apologize for," Sydney shushed at her. "I told you I knew pretty much what I was in for - and that I went through my own set of withdrawals. I admit I didn't go through anything half as drastic as you are..." He thought for a moment as he scratched his head sleepily. "I think maybe we should start having you take one-hour cat-naps throughout the day to make up for the lack of restful sleep at night, however."
"As long as I don't end up with my days and nights mixed up," she warned him, turning the yellow mass in the frying pan skillfully.
"I don't think we'll have to worry too much about that for a while yet," he told her frankly as he opened cupboard doors and put two plates next to her as she stood at the stove. "You have a long way to go before you're anywhere near caught up on your rest, Parker." He went to the fridge and pulled out a loaf of bread and a cube of butter. "At least this isn't messing with your appetite," he commented, dropping two slices of bread into the toaster and pushing the lever down.
"As if you'd let ANYthing mess with THAT," she responded with a patient glance over her shoulder at him. "And I have to admit that even though I'm tired, I'm not feeling that bad anymore. In many ways..."
He looked back at her fondly then turned to pour two mugs full of coffee. "Yes, you've come a long way," he admitted, "but let's not get over-confident here. You have a ways to go yet - and that's just physically. These constant nightmares are telling you that there are deeper emotional issues that are beginning to bubble up too. We'll have to work on that end of things too, eventually..."
"I've always had nightmares, Syd - ever since I was very young," she reminded him.
"I know that. Most people don't, however. And you're having them nightly - or more often than that now." He shook his head. "Something else is at work here other than just a fear that the Centre will start chasing you like it chased Jarod all those years."
"You mean, you don't think they're just Centre withdrawal symptoms anymore?" she asked unhappily.
"I'm starting to think that while the first nightmare or so was strictly withdrawal, it may have opened the door for something else that desperately needs to bubble out too." He put the mugs down at their places at the table, then turned back to the toaster to butter the newly heated bread.
"God, you'd think dealing with the idea that Raines and Company are going to slither into Scottsdale, murder you and haul me back to Delaware is enough bilge for one person's lifetime." Her voice was bitter as she put the frying pan back on the stove and carried the plates to the table with the scrambled eggs divided evenly between them, then sat down once the plates were in their proper place.
Sydney brought the plate with the finished pieces of toast to the table and seated himself at his now-customary place. "But that's just it - you're not the kind of person from whom I would expect this," he told her gently, "otherwise your overall personality would have been quite different - and your reactions to the events of your life quite different too. For you to be suffering repeatedly from such frankly stress-filled nightmares NOW means that there is something else powering the dream time paranoia - an event or experience that your mind has shut away rather than deal with."
"Why can't I just be normal?" she complained before sipping at her coffee.
"Don't worry - you ARE normal," he assured her firmly. "Normal people would need time to decompress after spending so much of their lives in that hellhole. That's why I'm not surprised at the nightmares per se - a certain amount of textbook-quality Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome from you was what I expected all along. But like I say, something else is behind what's going on now. And that's what we'll have to uncover and deal with in order to win you a restful night's sleep."
"But..." she continued, undeterred, "Why does it have to be ME who is developing these night fears NOW?"
"You might as well ask why you were born in Delaware, or why you're female," Sydney replied dryly. "We'll just have to be patient - whatever is fueling this WILL show itself eventually. Then we'll deal with it and be done with it."
Parker took a slow bite of her eggs and then moved some of the remainder about on her plate absently with her fork. "I'm really afraid," she admitted finally, looking up at him with wide grey eyes. "I don't know why, Sydney, but I'm so afraid... I don't like this..."
He put out a hand and clasped her empty one warmly. "I know, sweetheart. That fear you feel just thinking about it is, in itself, a warning sign too, you know. Whatever is coming will probably not be a walk in the park for you at all - more than likely, you've been hiding this from yourself for a very good reason. But just remember - you don't have to face this alone. We'll get through this." He squeezed her hand again and then let go of it to return to his own breakfast. "Maybe we can start investigating this a little bit. Why don't you tell me what happened after Broots and I were gone to make you so give up on living. I fully expected you to be miserable when I came back for you - but not to find you among the walking dead. How much do you remember clearly?"
She picked up her coffee mug as she searched her memory for events that had happened after Broots' sudden resignation. "Once everyone was gone - Jarod, Angelo, Broots, you - everything just seemed to slow down," she mused, propping her chin up in an open palm. "Raines assigned me a new team for the hunt for Jarod - another computer tech that wasn't half as skilled as Broots and probably the most dour and humor-deprived psychologist from the entire Psychogenics Department - and after several months of digging, we were still coming up with absolutely nothing. Lyle had his own team like mine, and I knew he wasn't any more successful than I was when MY computer tech found HIS computer tech hacking into our files."
Sydney nodded, pushing his empty plate away and taking up his coffee cup. "That sounds like Lyle - why work hard when you can steal the results from someone else."
She nodded. "Well, I found out why he was willing to steal. Once it became known we were still coming up just as empty as always, it wasn't a week before Raines had us both before T-boards. They kept at me for four days straight." Sydney winced. That was enough to give anybody nightmares. "Lyle's went for five."
Grey eyebrows rose in surprise. "Five?!"
"Raines considered that Lyle wasn't functioning under a disadvantage - I evidently was still under suspicion of helping Jarod stay free. Yours and Broots' sudden departures was twisted into implied evidence of that." She smiled humorlessly and then popped another bite of egg into her mouth. "So of course that meant failure, for Lyle, was a more costly issue."
"Is that what made you sick?" he finally asked carefully. "Did you stop eating after the T-board?"
"No..." She furrowed her brow and thought hard for a bit, then looked up at him. "You know, I don't remember very much after the T-board, though - not until the day you found me at the cemetery. Everything else is just kind of a blur..."
Sydney nodded knowingly. "Then whatever it is that is giving you these nightmares must have come sometime after the T-board exam."
Parker shuddered, yet forced herself to finish her egg before it was cold and unappetizing. "I don't want to think about it anymore," she pleaded, not meeting his gaze for the first time in a long time. "Please, Sydney? Just thinking about those times makes me feel like... I don't know... Let it go for a while, please?"
Chestnut eyes studied her mood and reactions carefully even as he nodded agreement. "I think I have enough to work with for the time being," he told her gently and saw her sigh deeply with relief and finally look up to meet his eye again. "I also think we'll just walk a block or so today - both of us are still a little tired, so there's no need to wear ourselves completely out before noon."
"Would you be very put out with me if I asked that we NOT take a walk this morning?" she asked with a yawn. "I mean, if I take a shower this morning, and I need to if I'm going to be publicly presentable, then I'm going to need a nap before I do much of anything else after that..."
"I'll compromise with you," he nodded. "You take your shower and then nap out here on the couch for an hour or so, and then we'll decide whether we go on a walk after that. How's that sound?"
She stood and then bent to deposit a kiss on his cheek before gathering the dishes. "You're a pussy-cat, you know that?"
"Remember this the next time you're angry at me for pushing you when you don't want to get pushed anymore," Sydney chuckled up at her. "Better still, I'll remind you. But go on, now - I'll handle the dishes, you go take your shower."
Parker smirked and deposited her dishes in the sink and then turned to do as he directed. Even that little bit of banter had had the power to help lift her mood - and a nice hot shower sounded like just the remedy for the early morning drags. She collected the clothing she had chosen for the day from where she'd put it out on the bed and headed for the bathroom at the end of the hallway.
She still could hardly believe the turn-around her life had taken since agreeing to come to Arizona with Sydney. Less than a week ago she'd been merely going through the motions of living amid the bleak and desolate ruins of a life that held no friends, no hope, no solace. Now she was wrapped in the warmth of Sydney's affections - he was shamelessly coddling her back towards a healthy life and comforting her when the dregs of that old and painful existence threatened her serenity. She had a new name - Parker Green - and a new life ready for her to shape it when she was ready to take up the challenge. Her old identity “Miss Parker”, “Ice Queen” of the Centre, seemed light-years away from “Parker Green,” Sydney Green's pampered and protected daughter. She even had made a new friend in Sydney's chess partner, Paul Ruiz, a friendship she hoped she'd feel more up to exploring in the near future. While Sydney gave her love and support without reservation, Paul had the power both to make her laugh and to make her feel dainty - the latter no mean feat.
When the water was hot enough, she opened the velour robe and slipped out of the silken nightgown and stepped into the tub and under the steaming and pulsing showerhead. When she'd arrived, she'd barely had the strength to walk from one room to the next. Now, with several days of Sydney's constant attention to her nutrition behind her, she was walking farther and feeling peppier than she had for a long time. She squeezed a small amount of her favorite shampoo into her hand and worked her hair into a lather. Were it not for those damned nightmares, she'd have been genuinely happy for the first time in her life since her mother left her - since Thomas.
Leaning back, she let the warm water rinse through her hair, running her fingers through it until they squeaked and told her all the shampoo was gone. She applied an equally small dollop of body wash to her bath puff and scrubbed herself with the fragrant lather that emerged from that. Then she stood under the hot stream and let the water wash over her, rinsing the soap away along with much of her fatigue. She rinsed the puff and turned off the water and stepped from the tub, using a smaller towel to wrap her wet hair in and then reaching for the huge, thick towel with which to dry herself.
And at that point, the lights in the bathroom died, leaving her in an absolute darkness that struck at her unexpectedly and viciously like a sledgehammer to the chest.
Sydney's brows furled briefly when he heard the refrigerator motor suddenly die, and he turned and gazed at the kitchen clock for a moment until he could see that the second hand wasn't moving at all. The sudden, dim wail of a siren slowly coming closer told him the story - someone had collided with some part of the electrical power grid. It was a bane of city life, drunks hitting power poles. He stepped over to the glass doors of the balcony and shifted the curtains back to peer outside at the stoplights at the busy intersection below, finding them also dark and the streets already clogged with drivers having to carefully take turns through the intersection.
With a sniff, he returned to rinsing the dishes and stacking them in the dishwasher for washing later, then shuffled down the hallway to his own bedroom and bath for a quick shower and shave to finish off his morning routine. He glanced at the bathroom door at the end of the hallway, a little surprised to see it still completely closed. There was no window in that tiny room of the condo to let even the smallest ray of sunlight in - so with the door closed, it must be pitch black in there. No sound of water running came to his ears. She must be out of the shower by now, he thought, and wondered again at the still-closed door. Something wasn't right.
"Parker?" he called softly, knocking on the door, "are you alright?"
He heard a soft whimper from within - a sound that galvanized him into action. "Parker?" he called a little more loudly, trying the knob and finding it locked. "Are you OK? Talk to me, sweetheart." The only sound that he could hear as an answer was another small whimper.
Grim-faced, he walked quickly into his bedroom and straight to his closet, dragging out an old and barely-used toolbox. Selecting the finest straight screwdriver he could find, he hurried back to the bathroom door and inserted the screwdriver through the little hole in the knob, searching for and then finding the slot that allowed the door to be unlocked from the outside. He felt the lock give and withdrew the screwdriver so he could turn the knob and push the door open.
She was curled into a small knot against the wall by the stool - her mouth open and obviously straining for breath and her eyes wide and terror-filled, with only the tiniest grey rim around the dark pupil. She had pulled her knees to her chest and was hugging them tightly even as she struggled to catch her breath. Slowly the realization that there was light in the room again penetrated her panic, and she finally focused on the silhouette of a very concerned Sydney standing in the center of the open doorway.
"Parker!" He moved and knelt by her, putting a hand on the chilled skin of her shoulder and feeling her tremble violently at the touch. "My God! What is it?"
"Can't... breathe..." she gasped painfully. "Chest... tight..."
Sydney frowned as he put his arm around her and pulled her toward him. A panic attack over being plunged into darkness? What the hell WAS she working through? "C'mon, sweetheart, let's get you out of here." It took work, and a good deal of soothing and coaxing, to get her back up on her feet. He reached for her robe, hanging on a hook, and drew it over her head. "Put your arms in the sleeves," he directed firmly, watching her numbly follow his instructions. He zipped the robe over the towel and then led her from the bathroom and back to her bedroom. With a tiny push, he had her sitting on the edge of her bed, and he was quick to sit down next to her, one hand moving in slow and gentle circles across her back. "You can breathe, Parker, relax. You're OK. Don't try so hard - shallow breaths, sweetheart..."
She leaned into him, and he held her carefully, his hand at her back still stroking her soothingly while she struggled to bring herself back into control. "I can't... do this... Sydney," she choked out, still shaking and feeling her heart beating so fast in her chest that she thought it might break free.
"We obviously can't let this continue this way," Sydney agreed, his hand still moving gently on her back. "I think waiting will only make things harder for you. It looks as if we'll have to go after this one deliberately - get through it as quickly and directly as possible." Parker whimpered miserably against his chest in protest. "I know, I know," he soothed then, "but this is the only way to put an end to stuff like this, and you know it."
She shuddered, and he tightened his arms around her for a while, giving her all the strength he could through his embrace. Then: "Get dressed, Parker, and I'll do the same - when you're dressed, just go crash on the couch in the living room. I'll be out shortly, and then we'll deal with this once and for all."
"What are you going to do?" she asked in a small voice, finally having her breath back enough to speak clearly again.
"Hypnosis," he told her quietly. "That way, hopefully I can help you look at whatever it is that's causing you so much pain without your having to suffer through the fear or emotions or pain again."
She looked up at him, and her eyes, while obviously filled with fear, also held a note of something he'd not seen from her in a long time: complete trust. She sighed a shuddering sigh as he loosened his hold and she sat herself up. "I guess the sooner we get to it, the sooner it's over," she commented in an almost defeated tone.
Sydney made quick work of shaving and just washing his face in lieu of a shower and then got dressed as fast as he could. She was already sitting primly on the couch when he returned to the living room, her hair still wet and merely brushed back out of her face.
"Lie down," he directed, finding a seat on the coffee table next to her, "and make yourself comfortable." He watched her settle into the pillows and move about a little until she looked up at him, ready. "Now I want you to listen to the sound of my voice. Close your eyes and let your concentration focus until the only thing you are aware of is the sound of my voice..." Slowly, gently, he talked her down into a hypnotic state until he was satisfied. "Can you hear me?"
"Yes." Her voice was soft and uninflected.
"I want you to let your mind wander back through your memories of recent days, back before your trip to Arizona, back to walking away from the T-board you sat after your new team found no traces of Jarod." Sydney watched as her brow furled slightly and she shifted as if nervous. "You will remember that you are only an observer to these memories. You will feel no pain, no fear. It will be as if you are watching the actions of someone else. Do you understand?"
"Yes," she replied, settling down again and her face smoothing into serenity.
"Do you go home after the T-board?"
"Yes," she replied softly. "I sleep and then go back to work the next day as if nothing had happened."
"Is this while Lyle was having his T-board?"
She smirked slightly. "Uh-huh." She sounded almost satisfied at the discomfort her twin was no doubt experiencing in his turn.
"What happens then?"
Parker's brow folded again. "It's about a week later. I am... in my office, drinking coffee and studying the latest psychological profile from the new psychiatrist, Filmore, and..."
"What?"
"I'm getting so sleepy..."
Sydney frowned. "Do you mean your coffee was drugged?" She nodded. "What is happening when you wake up?"
"I'm on a... hard bed..." she remembered, her brow folding more tightly now.
"Relax. You're just an observer, remember?"
She nodded and some of the nervousness evaporated again. "I'm in a room - in the Renewal Wing, I think. Mr. Raines is there. He's giving me some sort of injection. God!" She sat nearly straight up, her hands at her chest and throat. "I can hardly breathe..."
Sydney's hands were at her shoulders immediately. "Easy, Parker. Lie back and calm down. You are just an observer. You will feel no pain. Take a deep breath and tell me what you see and hear."
"Mr. Raines is telling me that he had warned me that failure was not an option. He says, 'Maybe THIS will convince you to look harder for Jarod.'"
She was still having problems keeping herself calm, and Sydney put a restraining hand on her shoulder. "Take a deep breath and let go of the memory for a moment. You are in a safe and warm place, where nothing can harm you. Do you feel it?" She nodded slowly. "Breathe in that safety and warmth and let it fill you from top to bottom. You will return to the memory, but you will be only an observer. You are full of safety and warmth, and nothing you see or hear will touch you. Do you hear me?"
"Yes," she said once more in a soft and uninflected voice, her face serene.
"OK, Mr. Raines has just told you that what he is doing will convince you to work harder. What is happening now?"
Her voice was shaking again. "He's giving me another injection, and my chest is getting tighter. I can't... breathe..."
Sydney tightened his hand on her shoulder. "My hand keeps you tied into that place where you are safe and warm. You can breathe, and you can tell me what happens next."
Parker shuddered, then took a breath. "He is moving my bed into... into a dark box... closing me into... Oh, God! I think I'm in a coffin... I can't breathe..." Her mouth worked soundlessly for a moment. "He's killing me..."
Sydney's stomach was roiling at the thought of this torment that not only had been perpetrated on Jarod many years earlier, but so recently on Parker too. For a brief moment, he knew that if Raines were in the room with him now, he WOULD kill him. "Move forward in time, Parker. Take a deep breath - you are safe and warm and moving smoothly past this darkness. What happens next?"
"I feel... pounding... on my chest... a tube in my throat..." She swallowed hard. "I can breathe again... but I hurt... a lot..." She rubs her chest over her sternum. "Mr. Raines comes back and tells me that the next time I come here, he may not revive me..." A tear slid down the side of her face. "My God! I'm going to have to go through this again because there's no sign of Jarod... I can't let him kill me like this... I can't live this way..."
"OK, Parker, I want you to let go and return to the warm and safe place." He paused a bit, and her face cleared of all emotion. "Are you back where it's warm and safe again?" She nodded. "You will remember everything about this event that you have previously forgotten. But now every time you think of this event you will feel my hand on your shoulder and immediately know that you are now safe and warm - that Mr. Raines cannot touch you here." He waited again and let his suggestions sink into her deep unconscious. "And now I want you to slowly bring your concentration back to this room, with me. You will open your eyes, feeling as if you had just had a restful night's sleep, when I count to three. One... Two... Three..."
Her grey eyes blinked open, and Sydney could see the memory of that horrible day was floating on the surface of her mind, free and unencumbered at last. Another tear slipped down the side of her face, and then she was sitting up, arms outstretched and reaching for Sydney to hold her. "My God," she whispered as she felt him enfold her tightly. "I didn't realize..."
"That explains why even the slightest possibility of being forced to return to the Centre is so distressful to you too," he soothed into her ear. "It represents a return to the very real threat of your own murder." He kissed her gently. "I had no idea that Raines would try such a thing! I should never have waited so long to come for you! If I had..."
"No," she countered, shaking her head against his chest, "if you had come earlier, I wouldn't have felt that my options were exhausted, and I'd have stayed. It's not your fault that Raines is a monster." She pushed herself away so that she could reach up and wipe away the tears that were falling from his eyes this time. "I know myself, Syd. I had to hit absolute bottom before I could hear you. Don't blame yourself! I'm just glad you did come back for me - now more than ever." She pressed herself back into his arms again. "I love you so much, Sydney."
"I love you too, ma petite belle cheri," he whispered against her hair, never so grateful that she was with him as in that moment. "My God, I almost lost you," he shook his head and leaned his wet cheek against her hair, pulling her possessively as close to him as he could.
Parker nestled contentedly against him and let her mind carefully examine the memory of the days that had followed the incredible event she'd just had restored to her, for they were no longer just an indiscriminate blur. Now she could bring to mind the knowing, threatening looks she'd received from Raines every day without fail following her near-death experience - the ominous phone calls at all hours of the day and night - and understand her violent reaction to them. Now she could see how each one of those glares and phone calls had weakened her will to live just that much more, how each had been a deliberate and malicious assault on her. Now she could see how, on the day she'd visited the cemetery, her hold on life - on sanity itself - had become so very tenuous. And now she could fully appreciate how Sydney's arrival had literally saved her life - because if Raines hadn't killed her soon as he threatened, she would have died soon anyway.
"I want to walk in the sunlight today," she announced quietly. "I have a new life to start, and I want to get well enough to do that. It's time to put the past behind me at last and start moving forward." She felt Sydney sigh and then nod above her. "And I want to do something else too from now on - I've been thinking about it for a while - but I need your permission first."
"What's that, ma petite?"
She pushed herself away from him so that they could once more look at each other. "I don't think a daughter should call her father by his first name, do you?" Slightly weepy and very startled chestnut came up to meet her grey. "And “Daddy” reminds me of something and someone I'd just as soon put behind me," she continued, and then grew just a bit hesitant. "Would you mind very much if I called you “Papa” instead?"
"Parker, I don't know what to say..."
"A simple yes or no will suffice..." A shaky smile disarmed what could otherwise have sounded like a barb.
"Yes!" The word exploded from him, followed by an equally hesitant smile that grew into one of his rare and wide grins of true pleasure. "I think I'd like that very much."
"Then, Papa," she tried the name on her tongue for the first time and found it easier to say than she'd thought, "how about I take you out to lunch? We can walk to that soup and salad and sandwich place we saw yesterday..."
Greying eyebrows rose. "Are you sure you're up to that after everything you've put yourself through this morning?"
She nodded firmly. "It's an early celebration for me. This is my first day hopefully free of that horrible darkness at last, and my first day with my Papa." She looked into his face searchingly. "This impromptu therapy session hasn't worn YOU out, has it?"
"Don't be silly!" he rose and held out his hands to her to help her to her feet as well. "Right now I think I could take on all comers."
"Let me go get my purse then..." she smiled at him, amazed at how rested she did feel after that emotional rollercoaster. Sydn... her Papa must have ended the hypnotic session with a suggestion that she feel rested once she awoke. She smiled to herself. Her Papa - that had a good sound to it, very acceptable.
Sydney watched her go down the hallway toward her room with a spring in her step that he hadn't realized had been missing for a very long time - since long before he'd left Delaware the first time. He felt cautiously optimistic that while the nightmares might take a night or two to resolve completely yet, he'd uncovered enough for her to be able to come out from beneath this latest cloud on her own steam.
The restaurant Parker wanted to go to was two full city blocks away, and the walk was a sedate but subtlely energized one. Her hands on his arm were quite clingy still, but this time she held onto him tightly in a very positive and possessive way - and Sydney had covered her hands with his free one in an equally possessive gesture. Their conversation as they ambled along steered completely clear of anything remotely related to Delaware, the Centre, Raines or her recovered memory - it was as if she was seeing the narrow green belt of Indian Wash Park through fresh eyes and was filled with questions about everything she saw. Indeed, she felt as if she was finally waking up from a very long sleep where her very vision had been restricted by blinders. The fresh and new leaves on the palo verde trees that lined the wash caught her attention, as did the ravens and roadrunners that flitted among the branches. The breeze of the warming springtime was gentle on her cheek and caressed her ears and neck, lifting hair that was soft and curly because she hadn't blown it straight.
They were shown to a table near the window, and in the light Sydney was able to appreciate the difference just a week of care had made in his companion's - his daughter's, he reminded himself - face. She had taken the time to use makeup to hide the dark circles from her interrupted nights, but she didn't need makeup to hide sunken cheeks any longer. Some of the softer lines were slowly returning, and the gentle curls and waves in her hair was a pleasant change from the smooth that had been “Miss Parker.” He made a mental note to mention to her that he liked the new look that she'd chosen for the day and suggest she keep it. Her grey eyes were no longer tired and defeated - and for the first time in ages, there was the slightest hint of sparkle behind those expressive grey eyes that reminded him so much of her mother.
"I didn't realize you two came here for lunch," a rich voice spoke from behind Sydney, and he turned slightly as Paul walked up next to their table - obviously on his way to his own. "Hi there, pretty lady," he smiled at Parker, noting that she smiled at him much more easily than before. If anything, Sydney's daughter was even prettier than he remembered.
"Join us," she offered, gesturing at one of the empty chairs at their table. "We haven't ordered yet..."
"Thanks, but I have a department meeting that has just relocated from a board room to a big booth," Paul answered, using his nose to point to a boisterous group of people just seating themselves at the huge booth at the back of the restaurant. "Maybe next time?"
"OK," she answered gently.
The tall professor looked over at his colleagues, and then back down at the pair seated at the smaller table. "Look, there's going to be a potluck and dance at the clubhouse tomorrow evening. I know you don't normally go for such things..." Paul said to Sydney, "but I was thinking maybe I could lure your lovely daughter into joining me."
"You know as well as I do that the reason I've avoided those potlucks is because I'd have to put up with Lydia's outrageous overtures," Sydney grumbled good-naturedly. He saw Parker's raised eyebrow and hastened to explain. "Lydia Simmons is a widow who is on the lookout for her next husband..."
"And has pretty well announced it to the complex that Sydney is the one she wants," Paul filled in the rest of the story for his friend, then chuckled heartily at the dour expression that flooded the Belgian's face.
"Papa didn't tell me he had a girlfriend," Parker commented with a sideways glance at Sydney, who merely aimed his glower at her - making her chuckle before reaching out to him to touch a hand sympathetically. "I don't blame you," she soothed. "I've seen my share of the flowing dowager - they can be downright scary. Lydia IS something, as I remember..."
"You have no idea!" He opened his menu. "I've never escaped her clutches quite so cleanly as I did the other night with you in tow."
"I'm surprised she hasn't set her sights on you," Parker looked up into Paul's smile.
"Uh-unh," he shook his head firmly. "She knows she'd have to go into competition with all the pretty little coeds who throw themselves at me every term." He shrugged. "Not that those stand much of a chance either - I've watched too many others go down that path. But back to tomorrow night and the potluck..."
"What about Janine?" Sydney asked suddenly. "Don't you usually bring her to such things?"
"She's going to be at a slumber party," Paul answered easily. "She's barely going to come home from school before catching the bus for her friend's house." He looked down and saw the sudden questions in Parker's eyes. "My daughter is twelve and has this little pack of girls that she hangs with constantly," he explained. "You'll have to meet her sometime - I think you'd like her."
Parker looked over at Sydney, remembering the bond that had grown between herself and Broots' daughter, Debbie, in the days before everything had fallen apart. Losing the time she and the girl had spent together so abruptly had been a severe blow. She wasn't ready to walk down that road again quite yet. "Maybe sometime..." she hedged reluctantly.
"But what about tomorrow night? Can I interest you in accompanying me?" Paul could see that the subject of his daughter touched a tender nerve - hopefully not so much of one that Parker would turn him down.
"Would you mind..." she turned to Sydney.
"Ma petite, if you want to go, don't let my allergy to Lydia Simmons stop you," he patted her hand gently. "Just don't tire yourself out is all I ask."
"I'll take good care of her for you and bring her home long before curfew, Dad," Paul found himself promising his friend, then looked back down. "So - what do you say?"
"I think I'd like that," she smiled back up at him. "What time?"
"I'll knock on your door at about five-thirty," the professor smiled widely. "Great!" His smile widened even further.
"Hey, Paul!" came a call from the back of the room. "We need your input, man..."
"I'd better go," he sighed, backing away from the smaller table reluctantly. "I'll see you tomorrow, pretty lady."
Sydney watched his friend walk away with a couple of glances backwards toward Parker and then trained his attention to his “daughter.” She too was watching Paul's back, and the expression in her eyes told him everything he wanted to know.
Parker turned back and found his eyes on her face and a soft and contented smile on his face. "You really don't mind?"
"I really don't mind," he reassured her. "You have a new life to start - it's good to see that you're finally ready to face it." He picked up his menu. "Now, let me see what I'm going to let you buy for me..."
With a quiet smile, Parker opened her menu and began to study her options on the lunch front as well.
