Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
The Visit - by MMB
Chapter 4: Beginnings
"Are you ready?" came the voice through the bedroom door.
Miss Parker smoothed her hands down her angora sweater for what was probably the twentieth time and then opened the door. "Is this appropriate?" she asked in return.
Sydney smiled. "You look fine, Parker," he soothed, noting the heightened nervousness in her gaze. "Are you sure you still want to do this? I can understand if..."
"No," she shook her head. "I want to. Besides, you wanted me to check this guy out, remember?"
"Excuse me. YOU wanted to check this guy out," he reminded her with a slight smirk. "All I wanted was a report on your findings. After all, I'm only interested in his mind - and his chess game..."
She tsked at him loudly and gave the top of his arm a playful swat, then leaned in for a hug, closing her eyes as his arms wrapped supportively around her immediately and held her close.
This was a completely foreign experience, the idea that she actually could ask for a little fondness, for a little undivided attention from Sydney, of all people, and begin to trust that it would be given to her immediately and without any reservation at all. And yet, over the last two days, the hugs had become the emotional equivalents to those little cubes of shortbread Sydney kept in ready supply on the kitchen table for whenever her strength wavered.
The first real hug had been at Sydney's instigation, and had ended up with her falling asleep in his arms and waking up nearly an hour later still cradled gently and patiently. While the experience had initially embarrassed her, his invitation both before and after the nap to hold onto him whenever she felt the need had proven irresistible - she was drawn to the offer of warmth and affection like a moth to a flame. Later that day, fresh from her nap after making the trip to the bank to deposit the several sizable cashier's checks that meant her financial independence and stopping for bare necessities at a grocery store, she had approached Sydney while he was puttering in the kitchen.
He had worked patiently around her for a bit while she stood, trying to work up both the nerve and the right words to say. Finally he had turned to look at her curiously. "What?"
"I..." She had blushed furiously - had she ever tried this with her father, the consequences would have been beyond disastrous...
Then his hand had brushed her cheek softly and reclaimed her attention to him. "What's wrong, Parker?" He'd tipped his head to one side, listening to her with all his senses. "Do you need something?" She'd nodded wordlessly, still blushing. "Then tell me," he urged softly. "It's OK, just tell me what you need."
Her grey eyes had flitted up to his and then dropped. "It's stupid," she finally managed.
"Let me be the judge of that," he countered. "Tell me."
She still couldn't look him in the eye. "You said... if I needed... I could hold..."
Sydney must have had an idea that was what she wanted, for he had simply opened his arms to her and gathered her close immediately. "I meant it," he said simply as she leaned against him with a deep sigh of relief, and then sighed in relief himself. She would never how much of a relief - what a real treat - it was to him just to be able to offer support and affection to one of his Centre “children” openly without fear of reprimand or negative consequence from any quarter. That she had actually come seeking it was a large and positive step for her.
They had stood that way for a long moment, until her need to demonstrate her ability to function independently again asserted itself and pushed her out of his embrace. "What are you doing?" she asked, pointing at the kitchen counter and the food that had been in the process of preparation. "Can I help?"
He had nodded without making any further commentary and then handed her some salad vegetables to prepare for supper that night to go with the tender chicken and gravy and rice.
Since that time, she had slowly grown braver with her requests as the response continued to be immediate and unreserved. But this hug was different - this time she was clinging - and Sydney could feel her nervousness running through her like an electric current. "There's nothing to be afraid of," he shushed at her into her ear. "Nobody is expecting you to do anything at all. And when you get tired, we'll come home."
"And maybe ruin your game?" She was shocked. "That wouldn't be fair."
Sydney set her away from him so that he could look into her face. "Listen. I told you that right now YOU are my main concern. You've been ill, and you still aren't completely on top of your game yet. Your health is more important to me than a chess game - and I doubt I'd get much argument from Paul about this either."
"I'll be OK," she grumbled. She wasn't entirely sure she was, but it had become important to her to prove this to both herself and to Sydney. She could function in public - she COULD - she wasn't a complete basket case, yet.
"I know you will," he soothed, and then gestured towards the door. "After you. It's a short walk to the clubhouse, but you can sit and rest once we're there."
The air outside was crisp and fresh without being bitingly cold, something she was still having a hard time wrapping her mind around. She wrapped her hands around his arm at the crook of his elbow, as had become her habit. They slowly ambled their way along the randomly winding sidewalk that led ultimately to the center of the complex and a well-lit and obviously populated building on the edge of the huge swimming pool.
"Sydney!" called out a silver-haired woman from the back of the room. "You're back!"
The psychiatrist held on tightly to the hand at his arm as the woman swooped across the room and planted a noisy kiss on his cheek. "Lydia." He turned, his eyes glowing assurance at the tall brunette at his side. "This is Parker, my daughter." Miss Parker flinched inwardly at the strange introduction and then felt wonder and belonging fill her with unexpected warmth. This was her new life starting up for her, regardless of whether she was ready for it or not. These people would never know her as anyone BUT Sydney's daughter Parker - to them, she would never be the Centre born and bred “Ice Queen” MISS Parker. It occurred to her suddenly that “Parker” would be a given name, not a surname, to these people. She straightened slightly on Sydney's arm, a shift that wasn't lost on the Belgian.
"And what a pretty girl she is too," the woman smiled sweetly at her. "I had no idea you had children, Sydney - you've never mentioned them before..."
Sydney ignored the prattle. "Parker, this is Lydia Simmons."
"Nice to meet you," Parker said softly, letting go of his arm just long enough to shake the woman's hand before reclaiming his elbow.
"Paul!" This time it was Sydney who called out, then wrapped an arm around Miss Parker's waist. "This way, Parker - and then you can sit."
He led them surely through the collections of tenants, greeting some, introducing others, until he had reached the other side of the room and a small table upon which a chess set and timer box sat at the ready. The steel-grey head of the man sitting on one side of the table watched their approach, and then he rose to his feet to tower over her by at least half a head.
"Sydney - you sly dog! Leave it to you Europeans to find and monopolize all the really pretty ones..." The man's voice was a sonorous baritone obviously accustomed to public speaking, and he had hazel eyes that shifted between brown and green by the moment and twinkled merrily.
"Parker, this reprobate is Paul Ruiz, probably the worst chess player in the entire valley. Paul, my daughter Parker." Sydney released her hand so that he could snag a chair for her from another unoccupied table.
Paul's steel eyebrows raised appreciatively. "Daughter?" He put out a hand that was large enough that it looked more like a bear paw. "Well, well! An honor to meet you, Ms. Green. Will you be staying with your father for a while?"
"I... uh..." He'd called her “Ms. Green?” Now it occurred to her that Sydney had given her a new name for a new life: Parker Green. And he would be referred to as “your father” by others speaking of him to her. The novelties were a lot to take in all at once and still function in a conversation.
Luckily, Sydney saw the lapse and was prepared to come to her rescue. "She's between jobs at the moment, and is recovering from a serious illness. I talked her into coming back to Arizona with me and letting me take care of her for a while." Sydney's easy explanation was pure and unadulterated truth, and Miss Parker gazed at him gratefully for saving her from bumbling through a far less believable half-truth. "I thought I'd bring her along and let her kibbitz tonight."
"You did, did you? And you thought you'd get away with that?" Those dancing hazel eyes caught and held the hesitant grey, then turned back to his friend. "Well, I tell you what - because its YOU... and provided that she kibbitzes into MY ear and not yours..." Paul looked back and saw her eyes widen and then reflexively glance at the silver-haired psychiatrist for reassurance, and bent toward her conspiratorially. "Your father beats the tar out of me constantly - frankly, I can use all the help I can get."
"I don't know that I'd be much help," she finally spoke for herself in soft tones. "I haven't played for a very long time. How about I just sit this one out as a spectator?"
The craggy face fell melodramatically, then regained its smile. "I know - I'll consider you my good luck charm for the evening."
"Sit down, Parker," Sydney urged her quietly, gesturing to the chair he'd acquired for her. She moved the chair so that it sat directly behind the time clock and seated herself. "Do you want me to get you some water or a cola before we get started?"
"No, I'm fine. You go ahead with your game."
The chair was comfortable, and the game was a friendly one that seemed to flow along with the conversation between the men. She paid attention for a while, then began to look around her a bit. Once she had figured out that the people here were all in small activity groups, all animated and in good spirits, she returned her focus to Sydney's and Paul's game. Paul played well for not paying that much attention to his strategy, although it was clear that Sydney was deliberately not taking advantage of several openings his opponent had offered. Parker watched her host's face carefully and realized that he was getting as much enjoyment out of the conversation that had never lagged as he was out of the game, and thus must be loath to bring the game to too quick a conclusion. The banter between the men was genuinely entertaining to observe in and of itself and often had her chuckling softly as one or the other would land a real zinger on their opponent. But finally, inevitably:
"Check mate." Sydney moved his queen and tipped Paul's king on its side.
"So much for my being your good luck charm," Miss Parker smiled in chagrin at the tall man who was slowly putting the chess pieces back in their starting position.
"I don't know about that," the beautiful voice answered her lightly. "I lasted about as long tonight as I ever have against him."
"Tired?" Sydney inquired gently.
"A little," she admitted reluctantly. "Do you normally play two games?" She eyed the reset and ready playing board.
"No," Paul answered her question. "It's just that this board is always left up and ready for the next pair of players." He looked up at Sydney and jerked his head in Miss Parker's direction. "She always this quiet?"
"Nooo..." Sydney drew out, earning him a slight glare from her, "but then, she's off her feed. Wait until she's feeling better."
"Thanks a lot..." Miss Parker grumbled, but Paul only chuckled.
"Actually, I'm looking forward to it," he offered, those hazel eyes twinkling again merrily at her in a way that prevented her from holding on to her grumpy mood at all. He turned back to Sydney. "Same time next week?"
The psychiatrist put out his hand. "Wouldn't miss it," he replied, shaking Paul's hand firmly.
The tall professor turned back to Miss Parker. "And I hope you see you again too, pretty lady," he smiled at her and grasped one of her hands in his big paws and very cavalierly put his lips to the back. "Perhaps I'll see you around the complex sometime."
The gesture made her blush slightly, but she smiled back at him. "Perhaps."
Sydney put up a hand in a wave. "Goodnight, Paul," he said and then claimed Miss Parker's hand for his elbow. "C'mon. Let's get you home before you fall in."
"Goodnight," she turned back to the tall man, who waved at her with a huge smile and watched the two of them walk slowly through the slowly emptying building and out into the night.
"Well?" Sydney inquired as they followed the winding sidewalk again.
"Well what?"
He patted her hand on his arm companionably. "You've had your chance to check him out now - so tell me: what do you think?"
"He's TALL," she quickly stated the obvious.
Sydney smirked. "I hadn't noticed," he quipped, earning himself a bump with a shoulder. "What else?" he chuckled.
"He can't play chess worth beans," she added after a moment. "You were being awfully kind to him - not wiping him out immediately..."
"You saw that, did you?" He was frankly surprised, but then shrugged. "I was enjoying the conversation..."
"That's what I figured," she told him. "I think you're as addicted to giving Paul a bad time and getting one back at you as you are to a chess game."
Sydney walked quietly beside her for a moment, and she knew she'd pegged him precisely. Then: "What else?" He waited, and when no answer was forthcoming, patted her hand on his arm again. "C'mon - if I know you at all, you were checking out more than just his height and chess game..."
"Sydney!"
"Well?!"
Now it was her turn to be quiet. "He's nice, Syd. He has a good sense of humor, and seems very kind."
"That much I did know. The question I couldn't answer for you yesterday, in case you don't remember, was “is he cute?” So... Is he?"
She opened her mouth to complain, then saw the small smirk in the light of a lamp and decided she'd play his game. She thought for a moment. "Yeah. He is - in an oversized teddy-bear kind of way."
Sydney chuckled quietly and patted her hands again, then moved aside so that she could lead the way up the stairs to the front door again. She waited for him to open the door, then led the way inside and turned on a light for them both.
"I think I'm going to turn in," she announced tiredly, no longer trying to stifle a yawn.
"I want you to know that I'm proud of you," he told her with a hand once more at her elbow. "You did very well today."
"And we didn't even argue once today - did you notice?" she grinned at him impishly.
"Hush," he put a finger to his lips, "don't jinx it!" He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, Parker."
"Sydney?" She hadn't moved a step yet.
"Hmmm?"
Now she moved - to step closer and put her arms carefully around his neck. "Thank you."
He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "You're very welcome," he replied, touched.
She brushed his cheek with her lips. "Goodnight - see you in the morning, Syd."
"Sleep well, sweetheart," he replied, letting her go and stepping back. The endearment had slipped out accidentally, but he couldn't find it within himself to regret using it. Miss Parker smiled very quietly, noting that tiny step closer to the three words she desperately wanted to hear from a man now consistently behaving very much like a surrogate parent, and headed off down the hallway to her room.
Paul Ruiz WAS cute, she admitted to herself as she slid her nightgown over her head and sat down at the vanity to brush out her hair - cute, intelligent, with a wry wit and a way with words. And altogether quite attractive, both physically as well as in a way she'd never fully appreciated before. He seemed to take real pleasure in life and in whatever was being offered him in any moment - a trait that maybe some day she could emulate. And even in the short time she'd known him, she'd discovered that he had the ability to make her laugh. She would never underestimate that power again. And tomorrow, she'd pump Sydney for all he knew about Paul Ruiz.
Although tired, she had enjoyed her evening more than she'd imagined she would. She wouldn't be hesitating to join Sydney in his weekly trek to the clubhouse the next time, and maybe someday make her own treks - just to see what might happen then. Maybe Paul was there more than once a week...
She extinguished the light and crawled between the sheets of her bed, rolling on her side thoughtfully. “Parker Green” she repeated to herself carefully. It was a name she could live with - given her by a man she was growing fonder of by the minute. She closed her eyes, still rolling her new identity around in her mind and letting it sink in slowly. She wasn't Miss Parker anymore - and she'd never be that person again. She slipped quietly into slumber promising herself that she'd be exploring the person “Parker Green” far more thoroughly in the morning too. Suddenly she was looking forward to the morning for the first time in a very long time. She snuggled down into her pillow with a smile - it felt good to be looking forward again.
The nightmare began insidiously quietly, placing her in her very own bedroom in Sydney's condo with her asleep in the bed. Then she began to hear voices in the background - faint but troubling voices that put her every nerve on edge. Unable to resist, she rose from her bed and opened the door to see what was going on.
~There you are, Miss Parker,~ Lyle's voice spoke in her ear, and her arm was caught tightly in his grasp. ~You knew better than to try anything like this...~
~Sydney!~ she called out in fright, only to have Lyle thrust his leering face in hers.
~Calling for the shrink, eh? Well, let me take you to him.~ Lyle began dragging her down the hallway toward the living room - and the feeling of dread and outright horror began to mount.
~No...~ she whimpered, both in her dream and in reality, as the living room came closer.
~No...~ she whimpered louder as she rounded the corner and found Sydney sitting slumped on the couch with a pacing and feral-looking Mr. Raines in front of him.
She jerked around as Willy came crashing through the condo's front door, a disheveled and confused-looking Paul Ruiz clasped tightly. ~Found him,~ the black sweeper announced with lethal calm.
~What do you think you're doing?~ she cried, struggling to free herself from Lyle's tight control.
~Teaching you a lesson, Miss Parker,~ Raines sneered and then gestured to Willy.
~MISS Parker?~ Paul gasped, his beautiful hazel eyes widening with horror. ~You're HER?~ And then he was on his knees, gasping as Willy pulled the narrow switchblade from between his ribs. ~Why did you do this to me?~ he asked her pitiably as he collapsed at the sweeper's feet.
~NO!!~ she screamed, both in the dream and in reality.
~Don't you know that you can NEVER leave the Centre, Miss Parker?~ Raines wheezed painfully, gesturing at Willy again. ~And now we're going to make sure you have nothing left you except to come home to the Centre, where you belong.~ He gestured again, and Willy raised the gun and pointed it at Sydney.
~NO! God! Not Sydney!!~ she screamed as the gun exploded, throwing what was left of Sydney's head back against the soft pastel of the couch and spraying it crimson. Her beloved surrogate father sprawled against his couch in a posture that looked so much like Thomas had, sprawled against the woodpile...
~You should never have left Delaware,~ Lyle laughed at her as she struggled against his hands at her shoulders, her eyes pouring tears. ~You BELONG to us, Miss Parker. And now see what you've done...~
"Parker!" Sydney shook her shoulders even harder, feeling her struggle against someone or something within her nightmare that had her screaming and dragging him out of a sound sleep. He pulled her closer to him and wrapped her in his arms, disregarding her struggles, and continued to pat a little less than gently at her cheek. "Parker! Wake up, sweetheart! It's just a dream!"
~You will never escape, Miss Parker. Your body may be somewhere else, but WE know where your mind will return...~
"Parker!" Sydney's patting on her cheek became a light slap. "C'mon Parker..."
With a jerk she pulled herself out of the dream only to find herself trapped within an embrace, and she continued to struggle until finally Sydney's calls to her penetrated her panicked mind. Then she sagged against him, wrapping her arms around him tightly and burrowing as deeply into his arms as she could get, sobbing bitterly.
"It was just a dream," he soothed into her ear, his brows furrowed in concern. He'd known Jarod had nightmares - and over time had come to understand how and why those nightmares had arisen. Thinking about it, he could now imagine that Miss Parker had been similarly plagued over the years - but what could have possibly triggered this latest one? The day had been such an easy and gentle one with no major conflicts... He began rocking her gently from side to side, murmuring soft and soothing nonsense sounds to her and softly singing snippets of French lullabies - anything to calm her from her hysterics.
Eventually her sobbing waned, leaving her gasping and limp and still huddled miserably against him. At last she could feel him stroking her hair, hear him shushing at her gently, feel the soft flannel of his pajama shirt beneath her cheek, hear the steady and healthy beat of his heart in her ear. She tightened her hold around him anyway, the vision of him sprawled lifelessly across his couch still echoing viciously in the back of her mind. "They... they killed you..." she finally choked out.
"Who did?" Sydney tightened his arms around her in response.
"Raines, Willy... and Lyle..." she shuddered. "You were sitting... on the couch... Raines ordered it and Willy... executed..." she choked on another sob. "I couldn't stop them..."
"Hush..." he soothed.
"There was blood all over everything...
He stroked her hair. "I'm here. I'm OK - it was only a dream..."
"They killed Paul too..." she continued, the tears starting anew. "...as a lesson for me... said I'd never escape..."
"Shhhhhh..." he hushed at her again, now understanding a little better. He had very deliberately taken several small but important steps with her that night - presented her to others as his daughter, taken her surname and turned it into a given name instead and given that to others as well. In essence, he had carefully and deliberately opened the gateway to the new life he'd promised her and let her glimpse inside. The nightmare, it stood to reason, was her mind struggling with the dichotomy between what had been and what now seemed to be inevitable.
"This is just the worst part of the withdrawals from the Centre. Remember me telling you about them?" He felt her nod slowly against his chest. "Mine were bad enough, but your exposure to that poison has been at a toxic level for years - it's no wonder this happened."
"I'm afraid..." She shuddered again as if to illustrate.
"I know you are. But I'm right here, and I've got you. Hang onto me, Parker." He cradled her as closely and as tightly as he could.
"They said I belonged to them..."
"Hush! You don't belong to them - you never did - they just want you to believe you do, it gives them control. You're free, Parker." He kissed her hair. "They don't even know where you are - you know that as well as I do. We left them no trail to follow."
"The cashier's checks..." she worried suddenly. The Centre was a master at sniffing out even a hint of a paper trail - it was an ability she'd taken advantage of far too often during the hunt for Jarod.
"You can withdraw it in cash in the morning and deposit it elsewhere, if you're worried," he soothed, "under your new name would probably be a good idea too..."
She settled against him, no longer huddling miserably but still very much in need of all the support he was giving her. What was more, she was slowly realizing that of all the nightmares she'd had in her life, starting when she was still a child not long after her mother had left, this was the first time she'd been comforted, soothed, since Tommy had been in her life. Not once had Mr. Parker risen from his bed to bother with a screaming or crying child - rather, he would wait until morning and then verbally scold and shame her for crying out and disturbing his rest in the night. All the rest of them, save the few that Thomas had helped her through, she'd had to handle alone - until now.
"I... I'm sorry I awakened you..." she said suddenly, just in case the apology could forestall any recriminations in the morning.
"Pfft! Don't be silly," he shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry about." He stroked her hair again and then slowly loosened his hold. "Better now?" She nodded, still contented to lean against him. "Then let's get you tucked in so you can try to get some sleep."
Finally she let go of her desperate hold on him and let him push her back into her pillow and begin settling the covers over her. He settled back down on the edge of the bed next to her and gently brushed the hair back from her face. "You're safe, Parker. Go back to sleep now."
Grey eyes that were red and puffy from crying looked up at him trustingly. "Sydney?"
"Hmmmm?"
"I can't go back - I don't want to."
His hand continued to smooth back her hair. "I know, ma petit. You don't have to, I swear it."
"I don't know what I'd do if you..."
"I'm not going anywhere, Parker. I'm right here."
She thought for a moment. "You really don't mind if I take your last name as my own?"
Sydney smiled at her. Yes, it made sense that this would be something she'd want a little reassurance about - and that the discussion would come at him from an oblique angle. "I think that it would make sense, since I'm telling everyone that you ARE my daughter, that you have my name - don't you?" He smoothed her hair again. "For what it's worth, I would be very proud to share my name with you."
She gazed up into his face in the dimly lit room, and suddenly, she just knew. The realization flooded through her with a strength that she'd never known before. All that he'd done, all that he'd been doing for years - suddenly it fell into place. Some of the fears the nightmare had created within her withered and evaporated away - no matter what, the Centre would never be able to take this knowledge away from her. The road ahead might not be smooth, but she no longer had any doubts. And her newfound conviction gave her the strength to say what needed to be said.
"I love you, Sydney."
Those beautiful chestnut eyes filled with tears that quickly spilled onto chiseled cheeks. His hand moved to cup her face tenderly. "I love you too, Parker." He bent and kissed her cheek gently. "Close your eyes and go to sleep now, sweetheart. I'm right here."
Feeling more secure than she had in a very long time, with the words she'd so needed to hear echoing loudly in her mind at last, she did as he asked.
Chapter 4: Beginnings
"Are you ready?" came the voice through the bedroom door.
Miss Parker smoothed her hands down her angora sweater for what was probably the twentieth time and then opened the door. "Is this appropriate?" she asked in return.
Sydney smiled. "You look fine, Parker," he soothed, noting the heightened nervousness in her gaze. "Are you sure you still want to do this? I can understand if..."
"No," she shook her head. "I want to. Besides, you wanted me to check this guy out, remember?"
"Excuse me. YOU wanted to check this guy out," he reminded her with a slight smirk. "All I wanted was a report on your findings. After all, I'm only interested in his mind - and his chess game..."
She tsked at him loudly and gave the top of his arm a playful swat, then leaned in for a hug, closing her eyes as his arms wrapped supportively around her immediately and held her close.
This was a completely foreign experience, the idea that she actually could ask for a little fondness, for a little undivided attention from Sydney, of all people, and begin to trust that it would be given to her immediately and without any reservation at all. And yet, over the last two days, the hugs had become the emotional equivalents to those little cubes of shortbread Sydney kept in ready supply on the kitchen table for whenever her strength wavered.
The first real hug had been at Sydney's instigation, and had ended up with her falling asleep in his arms and waking up nearly an hour later still cradled gently and patiently. While the experience had initially embarrassed her, his invitation both before and after the nap to hold onto him whenever she felt the need had proven irresistible - she was drawn to the offer of warmth and affection like a moth to a flame. Later that day, fresh from her nap after making the trip to the bank to deposit the several sizable cashier's checks that meant her financial independence and stopping for bare necessities at a grocery store, she had approached Sydney while he was puttering in the kitchen.
He had worked patiently around her for a bit while she stood, trying to work up both the nerve and the right words to say. Finally he had turned to look at her curiously. "What?"
"I..." She had blushed furiously - had she ever tried this with her father, the consequences would have been beyond disastrous...
Then his hand had brushed her cheek softly and reclaimed her attention to him. "What's wrong, Parker?" He'd tipped his head to one side, listening to her with all his senses. "Do you need something?" She'd nodded wordlessly, still blushing. "Then tell me," he urged softly. "It's OK, just tell me what you need."
Her grey eyes had flitted up to his and then dropped. "It's stupid," she finally managed.
"Let me be the judge of that," he countered. "Tell me."
She still couldn't look him in the eye. "You said... if I needed... I could hold..."
Sydney must have had an idea that was what she wanted, for he had simply opened his arms to her and gathered her close immediately. "I meant it," he said simply as she leaned against him with a deep sigh of relief, and then sighed in relief himself. She would never how much of a relief - what a real treat - it was to him just to be able to offer support and affection to one of his Centre “children” openly without fear of reprimand or negative consequence from any quarter. That she had actually come seeking it was a large and positive step for her.
They had stood that way for a long moment, until her need to demonstrate her ability to function independently again asserted itself and pushed her out of his embrace. "What are you doing?" she asked, pointing at the kitchen counter and the food that had been in the process of preparation. "Can I help?"
He had nodded without making any further commentary and then handed her some salad vegetables to prepare for supper that night to go with the tender chicken and gravy and rice.
Since that time, she had slowly grown braver with her requests as the response continued to be immediate and unreserved. But this hug was different - this time she was clinging - and Sydney could feel her nervousness running through her like an electric current. "There's nothing to be afraid of," he shushed at her into her ear. "Nobody is expecting you to do anything at all. And when you get tired, we'll come home."
"And maybe ruin your game?" She was shocked. "That wouldn't be fair."
Sydney set her away from him so that he could look into her face. "Listen. I told you that right now YOU are my main concern. You've been ill, and you still aren't completely on top of your game yet. Your health is more important to me than a chess game - and I doubt I'd get much argument from Paul about this either."
"I'll be OK," she grumbled. She wasn't entirely sure she was, but it had become important to her to prove this to both herself and to Sydney. She could function in public - she COULD - she wasn't a complete basket case, yet.
"I know you will," he soothed, and then gestured towards the door. "After you. It's a short walk to the clubhouse, but you can sit and rest once we're there."
The air outside was crisp and fresh without being bitingly cold, something she was still having a hard time wrapping her mind around. She wrapped her hands around his arm at the crook of his elbow, as had become her habit. They slowly ambled their way along the randomly winding sidewalk that led ultimately to the center of the complex and a well-lit and obviously populated building on the edge of the huge swimming pool.
"Sydney!" called out a silver-haired woman from the back of the room. "You're back!"
The psychiatrist held on tightly to the hand at his arm as the woman swooped across the room and planted a noisy kiss on his cheek. "Lydia." He turned, his eyes glowing assurance at the tall brunette at his side. "This is Parker, my daughter." Miss Parker flinched inwardly at the strange introduction and then felt wonder and belonging fill her with unexpected warmth. This was her new life starting up for her, regardless of whether she was ready for it or not. These people would never know her as anyone BUT Sydney's daughter Parker - to them, she would never be the Centre born and bred “Ice Queen” MISS Parker. It occurred to her suddenly that “Parker” would be a given name, not a surname, to these people. She straightened slightly on Sydney's arm, a shift that wasn't lost on the Belgian.
"And what a pretty girl she is too," the woman smiled sweetly at her. "I had no idea you had children, Sydney - you've never mentioned them before..."
Sydney ignored the prattle. "Parker, this is Lydia Simmons."
"Nice to meet you," Parker said softly, letting go of his arm just long enough to shake the woman's hand before reclaiming his elbow.
"Paul!" This time it was Sydney who called out, then wrapped an arm around Miss Parker's waist. "This way, Parker - and then you can sit."
He led them surely through the collections of tenants, greeting some, introducing others, until he had reached the other side of the room and a small table upon which a chess set and timer box sat at the ready. The steel-grey head of the man sitting on one side of the table watched their approach, and then he rose to his feet to tower over her by at least half a head.
"Sydney - you sly dog! Leave it to you Europeans to find and monopolize all the really pretty ones..." The man's voice was a sonorous baritone obviously accustomed to public speaking, and he had hazel eyes that shifted between brown and green by the moment and twinkled merrily.
"Parker, this reprobate is Paul Ruiz, probably the worst chess player in the entire valley. Paul, my daughter Parker." Sydney released her hand so that he could snag a chair for her from another unoccupied table.
Paul's steel eyebrows raised appreciatively. "Daughter?" He put out a hand that was large enough that it looked more like a bear paw. "Well, well! An honor to meet you, Ms. Green. Will you be staying with your father for a while?"
"I... uh..." He'd called her “Ms. Green?” Now it occurred to her that Sydney had given her a new name for a new life: Parker Green. And he would be referred to as “your father” by others speaking of him to her. The novelties were a lot to take in all at once and still function in a conversation.
Luckily, Sydney saw the lapse and was prepared to come to her rescue. "She's between jobs at the moment, and is recovering from a serious illness. I talked her into coming back to Arizona with me and letting me take care of her for a while." Sydney's easy explanation was pure and unadulterated truth, and Miss Parker gazed at him gratefully for saving her from bumbling through a far less believable half-truth. "I thought I'd bring her along and let her kibbitz tonight."
"You did, did you? And you thought you'd get away with that?" Those dancing hazel eyes caught and held the hesitant grey, then turned back to his friend. "Well, I tell you what - because its YOU... and provided that she kibbitzes into MY ear and not yours..." Paul looked back and saw her eyes widen and then reflexively glance at the silver-haired psychiatrist for reassurance, and bent toward her conspiratorially. "Your father beats the tar out of me constantly - frankly, I can use all the help I can get."
"I don't know that I'd be much help," she finally spoke for herself in soft tones. "I haven't played for a very long time. How about I just sit this one out as a spectator?"
The craggy face fell melodramatically, then regained its smile. "I know - I'll consider you my good luck charm for the evening."
"Sit down, Parker," Sydney urged her quietly, gesturing to the chair he'd acquired for her. She moved the chair so that it sat directly behind the time clock and seated herself. "Do you want me to get you some water or a cola before we get started?"
"No, I'm fine. You go ahead with your game."
The chair was comfortable, and the game was a friendly one that seemed to flow along with the conversation between the men. She paid attention for a while, then began to look around her a bit. Once she had figured out that the people here were all in small activity groups, all animated and in good spirits, she returned her focus to Sydney's and Paul's game. Paul played well for not paying that much attention to his strategy, although it was clear that Sydney was deliberately not taking advantage of several openings his opponent had offered. Parker watched her host's face carefully and realized that he was getting as much enjoyment out of the conversation that had never lagged as he was out of the game, and thus must be loath to bring the game to too quick a conclusion. The banter between the men was genuinely entertaining to observe in and of itself and often had her chuckling softly as one or the other would land a real zinger on their opponent. But finally, inevitably:
"Check mate." Sydney moved his queen and tipped Paul's king on its side.
"So much for my being your good luck charm," Miss Parker smiled in chagrin at the tall man who was slowly putting the chess pieces back in their starting position.
"I don't know about that," the beautiful voice answered her lightly. "I lasted about as long tonight as I ever have against him."
"Tired?" Sydney inquired gently.
"A little," she admitted reluctantly. "Do you normally play two games?" She eyed the reset and ready playing board.
"No," Paul answered her question. "It's just that this board is always left up and ready for the next pair of players." He looked up at Sydney and jerked his head in Miss Parker's direction. "She always this quiet?"
"Nooo..." Sydney drew out, earning him a slight glare from her, "but then, she's off her feed. Wait until she's feeling better."
"Thanks a lot..." Miss Parker grumbled, but Paul only chuckled.
"Actually, I'm looking forward to it," he offered, those hazel eyes twinkling again merrily at her in a way that prevented her from holding on to her grumpy mood at all. He turned back to Sydney. "Same time next week?"
The psychiatrist put out his hand. "Wouldn't miss it," he replied, shaking Paul's hand firmly.
The tall professor turned back to Miss Parker. "And I hope you see you again too, pretty lady," he smiled at her and grasped one of her hands in his big paws and very cavalierly put his lips to the back. "Perhaps I'll see you around the complex sometime."
The gesture made her blush slightly, but she smiled back at him. "Perhaps."
Sydney put up a hand in a wave. "Goodnight, Paul," he said and then claimed Miss Parker's hand for his elbow. "C'mon. Let's get you home before you fall in."
"Goodnight," she turned back to the tall man, who waved at her with a huge smile and watched the two of them walk slowly through the slowly emptying building and out into the night.
"Well?" Sydney inquired as they followed the winding sidewalk again.
"Well what?"
He patted her hand on his arm companionably. "You've had your chance to check him out now - so tell me: what do you think?"
"He's TALL," she quickly stated the obvious.
Sydney smirked. "I hadn't noticed," he quipped, earning himself a bump with a shoulder. "What else?" he chuckled.
"He can't play chess worth beans," she added after a moment. "You were being awfully kind to him - not wiping him out immediately..."
"You saw that, did you?" He was frankly surprised, but then shrugged. "I was enjoying the conversation..."
"That's what I figured," she told him. "I think you're as addicted to giving Paul a bad time and getting one back at you as you are to a chess game."
Sydney walked quietly beside her for a moment, and she knew she'd pegged him precisely. Then: "What else?" He waited, and when no answer was forthcoming, patted her hand on his arm again. "C'mon - if I know you at all, you were checking out more than just his height and chess game..."
"Sydney!"
"Well?!"
Now it was her turn to be quiet. "He's nice, Syd. He has a good sense of humor, and seems very kind."
"That much I did know. The question I couldn't answer for you yesterday, in case you don't remember, was “is he cute?” So... Is he?"
She opened her mouth to complain, then saw the small smirk in the light of a lamp and decided she'd play his game. She thought for a moment. "Yeah. He is - in an oversized teddy-bear kind of way."
Sydney chuckled quietly and patted her hands again, then moved aside so that she could lead the way up the stairs to the front door again. She waited for him to open the door, then led the way inside and turned on a light for them both.
"I think I'm going to turn in," she announced tiredly, no longer trying to stifle a yawn.
"I want you to know that I'm proud of you," he told her with a hand once more at her elbow. "You did very well today."
"And we didn't even argue once today - did you notice?" she grinned at him impishly.
"Hush," he put a finger to his lips, "don't jinx it!" He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "Goodnight, Parker."
"Sydney?" She hadn't moved a step yet.
"Hmmm?"
Now she moved - to step closer and put her arms carefully around his neck. "Thank you."
He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "You're very welcome," he replied, touched.
She brushed his cheek with her lips. "Goodnight - see you in the morning, Syd."
"Sleep well, sweetheart," he replied, letting her go and stepping back. The endearment had slipped out accidentally, but he couldn't find it within himself to regret using it. Miss Parker smiled very quietly, noting that tiny step closer to the three words she desperately wanted to hear from a man now consistently behaving very much like a surrogate parent, and headed off down the hallway to her room.
Paul Ruiz WAS cute, she admitted to herself as she slid her nightgown over her head and sat down at the vanity to brush out her hair - cute, intelligent, with a wry wit and a way with words. And altogether quite attractive, both physically as well as in a way she'd never fully appreciated before. He seemed to take real pleasure in life and in whatever was being offered him in any moment - a trait that maybe some day she could emulate. And even in the short time she'd known him, she'd discovered that he had the ability to make her laugh. She would never underestimate that power again. And tomorrow, she'd pump Sydney for all he knew about Paul Ruiz.
Although tired, she had enjoyed her evening more than she'd imagined she would. She wouldn't be hesitating to join Sydney in his weekly trek to the clubhouse the next time, and maybe someday make her own treks - just to see what might happen then. Maybe Paul was there more than once a week...
She extinguished the light and crawled between the sheets of her bed, rolling on her side thoughtfully. “Parker Green” she repeated to herself carefully. It was a name she could live with - given her by a man she was growing fonder of by the minute. She closed her eyes, still rolling her new identity around in her mind and letting it sink in slowly. She wasn't Miss Parker anymore - and she'd never be that person again. She slipped quietly into slumber promising herself that she'd be exploring the person “Parker Green” far more thoroughly in the morning too. Suddenly she was looking forward to the morning for the first time in a very long time. She snuggled down into her pillow with a smile - it felt good to be looking forward again.
The nightmare began insidiously quietly, placing her in her very own bedroom in Sydney's condo with her asleep in the bed. Then she began to hear voices in the background - faint but troubling voices that put her every nerve on edge. Unable to resist, she rose from her bed and opened the door to see what was going on.
~There you are, Miss Parker,~ Lyle's voice spoke in her ear, and her arm was caught tightly in his grasp. ~You knew better than to try anything like this...~
~Sydney!~ she called out in fright, only to have Lyle thrust his leering face in hers.
~Calling for the shrink, eh? Well, let me take you to him.~ Lyle began dragging her down the hallway toward the living room - and the feeling of dread and outright horror began to mount.
~No...~ she whimpered, both in her dream and in reality, as the living room came closer.
~No...~ she whimpered louder as she rounded the corner and found Sydney sitting slumped on the couch with a pacing and feral-looking Mr. Raines in front of him.
She jerked around as Willy came crashing through the condo's front door, a disheveled and confused-looking Paul Ruiz clasped tightly. ~Found him,~ the black sweeper announced with lethal calm.
~What do you think you're doing?~ she cried, struggling to free herself from Lyle's tight control.
~Teaching you a lesson, Miss Parker,~ Raines sneered and then gestured to Willy.
~MISS Parker?~ Paul gasped, his beautiful hazel eyes widening with horror. ~You're HER?~ And then he was on his knees, gasping as Willy pulled the narrow switchblade from between his ribs. ~Why did you do this to me?~ he asked her pitiably as he collapsed at the sweeper's feet.
~NO!!~ she screamed, both in the dream and in reality.
~Don't you know that you can NEVER leave the Centre, Miss Parker?~ Raines wheezed painfully, gesturing at Willy again. ~And now we're going to make sure you have nothing left you except to come home to the Centre, where you belong.~ He gestured again, and Willy raised the gun and pointed it at Sydney.
~NO! God! Not Sydney!!~ she screamed as the gun exploded, throwing what was left of Sydney's head back against the soft pastel of the couch and spraying it crimson. Her beloved surrogate father sprawled against his couch in a posture that looked so much like Thomas had, sprawled against the woodpile...
~You should never have left Delaware,~ Lyle laughed at her as she struggled against his hands at her shoulders, her eyes pouring tears. ~You BELONG to us, Miss Parker. And now see what you've done...~
"Parker!" Sydney shook her shoulders even harder, feeling her struggle against someone or something within her nightmare that had her screaming and dragging him out of a sound sleep. He pulled her closer to him and wrapped her in his arms, disregarding her struggles, and continued to pat a little less than gently at her cheek. "Parker! Wake up, sweetheart! It's just a dream!"
~You will never escape, Miss Parker. Your body may be somewhere else, but WE know where your mind will return...~
"Parker!" Sydney's patting on her cheek became a light slap. "C'mon Parker..."
With a jerk she pulled herself out of the dream only to find herself trapped within an embrace, and she continued to struggle until finally Sydney's calls to her penetrated her panicked mind. Then she sagged against him, wrapping her arms around him tightly and burrowing as deeply into his arms as she could get, sobbing bitterly.
"It was just a dream," he soothed into her ear, his brows furrowed in concern. He'd known Jarod had nightmares - and over time had come to understand how and why those nightmares had arisen. Thinking about it, he could now imagine that Miss Parker had been similarly plagued over the years - but what could have possibly triggered this latest one? The day had been such an easy and gentle one with no major conflicts... He began rocking her gently from side to side, murmuring soft and soothing nonsense sounds to her and softly singing snippets of French lullabies - anything to calm her from her hysterics.
Eventually her sobbing waned, leaving her gasping and limp and still huddled miserably against him. At last she could feel him stroking her hair, hear him shushing at her gently, feel the soft flannel of his pajama shirt beneath her cheek, hear the steady and healthy beat of his heart in her ear. She tightened her hold around him anyway, the vision of him sprawled lifelessly across his couch still echoing viciously in the back of her mind. "They... they killed you..." she finally choked out.
"Who did?" Sydney tightened his arms around her in response.
"Raines, Willy... and Lyle..." she shuddered. "You were sitting... on the couch... Raines ordered it and Willy... executed..." she choked on another sob. "I couldn't stop them..."
"Hush..." he soothed.
"There was blood all over everything...
He stroked her hair. "I'm here. I'm OK - it was only a dream..."
"They killed Paul too..." she continued, the tears starting anew. "...as a lesson for me... said I'd never escape..."
"Shhhhhh..." he hushed at her again, now understanding a little better. He had very deliberately taken several small but important steps with her that night - presented her to others as his daughter, taken her surname and turned it into a given name instead and given that to others as well. In essence, he had carefully and deliberately opened the gateway to the new life he'd promised her and let her glimpse inside. The nightmare, it stood to reason, was her mind struggling with the dichotomy between what had been and what now seemed to be inevitable.
"This is just the worst part of the withdrawals from the Centre. Remember me telling you about them?" He felt her nod slowly against his chest. "Mine were bad enough, but your exposure to that poison has been at a toxic level for years - it's no wonder this happened."
"I'm afraid..." She shuddered again as if to illustrate.
"I know you are. But I'm right here, and I've got you. Hang onto me, Parker." He cradled her as closely and as tightly as he could.
"They said I belonged to them..."
"Hush! You don't belong to them - you never did - they just want you to believe you do, it gives them control. You're free, Parker." He kissed her hair. "They don't even know where you are - you know that as well as I do. We left them no trail to follow."
"The cashier's checks..." she worried suddenly. The Centre was a master at sniffing out even a hint of a paper trail - it was an ability she'd taken advantage of far too often during the hunt for Jarod.
"You can withdraw it in cash in the morning and deposit it elsewhere, if you're worried," he soothed, "under your new name would probably be a good idea too..."
She settled against him, no longer huddling miserably but still very much in need of all the support he was giving her. What was more, she was slowly realizing that of all the nightmares she'd had in her life, starting when she was still a child not long after her mother had left, this was the first time she'd been comforted, soothed, since Tommy had been in her life. Not once had Mr. Parker risen from his bed to bother with a screaming or crying child - rather, he would wait until morning and then verbally scold and shame her for crying out and disturbing his rest in the night. All the rest of them, save the few that Thomas had helped her through, she'd had to handle alone - until now.
"I... I'm sorry I awakened you..." she said suddenly, just in case the apology could forestall any recriminations in the morning.
"Pfft! Don't be silly," he shook his head. "There's nothing to be sorry about." He stroked her hair again and then slowly loosened his hold. "Better now?" She nodded, still contented to lean against him. "Then let's get you tucked in so you can try to get some sleep."
Finally she let go of her desperate hold on him and let him push her back into her pillow and begin settling the covers over her. He settled back down on the edge of the bed next to her and gently brushed the hair back from her face. "You're safe, Parker. Go back to sleep now."
Grey eyes that were red and puffy from crying looked up at him trustingly. "Sydney?"
"Hmmmm?"
"I can't go back - I don't want to."
His hand continued to smooth back her hair. "I know, ma petit. You don't have to, I swear it."
"I don't know what I'd do if you..."
"I'm not going anywhere, Parker. I'm right here."
She thought for a moment. "You really don't mind if I take your last name as my own?"
Sydney smiled at her. Yes, it made sense that this would be something she'd want a little reassurance about - and that the discussion would come at him from an oblique angle. "I think that it would make sense, since I'm telling everyone that you ARE my daughter, that you have my name - don't you?" He smoothed her hair again. "For what it's worth, I would be very proud to share my name with you."
She gazed up into his face in the dimly lit room, and suddenly, she just knew. The realization flooded through her with a strength that she'd never known before. All that he'd done, all that he'd been doing for years - suddenly it fell into place. Some of the fears the nightmare had created within her withered and evaporated away - no matter what, the Centre would never be able to take this knowledge away from her. The road ahead might not be smooth, but she no longer had any doubts. And her newfound conviction gave her the strength to say what needed to be said.
"I love you, Sydney."
Those beautiful chestnut eyes filled with tears that quickly spilled onto chiseled cheeks. His hand moved to cup her face tenderly. "I love you too, Parker." He bent and kissed her cheek gently. "Close your eyes and go to sleep now, sweetheart. I'm right here."
Feeling more secure than she had in a very long time, with the words she'd so needed to hear echoing loudly in her mind at last, she did as he asked.
