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Chapter or Story
Suite For A Lonely Heart
Chapter 2: Etude
"Hey Syd, hasn't anybody told you yet that quitting time is five o'clock, and not sometime after seven-thirty?"
Sydney blinked, recalled back to the warm, wood-paneled surroundings of his Centre office to gaze at Miss Parker blankly for a brief moment. He recovered quickly, straightening up in his comfortable office chair and leaning forward over his desk with hands now folded primly in front of him. "Indeed? Seems to me we've had this conversation about late-working pots calling equally late-working kettles black not all that long ago," he smoothed in his best psychiatrist's voice while he watched her saunter through his door. His brows rose on his forehead as he watched her close the door behind her. "Something on your mind?"
"Not exactly," she stated with careful diction as she moved to park herself in one of the comfortable chairs in front of his desk. Her grey eyes caught and held his chestnut gaze. "I think, instead, you've had something on yours."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, dismissing her statement with a small wave of his hand and then sitting back in his chair to observe her more carefully. Warily.
Miss Parker gazed at him evenly without speaking for a moment. Theirs was a long-standing relationship, one that stretched back as far as she could remember, but it had never been a smooth one. He had been first an authoritative adult in her childhood memories of growing up in the Centre with Jarod; lately he'd been a semi-reluctant colleague in the Centre's efforts to recapture his genius protégé, his loyalty laying neither fully with the Centre nor fully with his escaped Pretender. Somewhere, buried in those decades of acquaintance and years of close collaboration, was a smoldering ember of deep fondness and friendship that neither of them had chosen to explore very deeply, even on those rare occasions when they could be forced to acknowledge it existed. It was a closeness she wished desperately that she could call upon now - a sense of mutual trust that she now wished she'd cultivated more carefully on those rare occasions when he'd offered her the chance.
"This is me, Syd."
"I hadn't noticed." The response was immediate and dry.
She sighed and decided to take a different tack. "How's the murder mystery?"
"Huh?" The question surprised him. "I'm not reading..."
"Exactly." She leaned forward. "That's my point. You're sitting here, in your office after hours, NOT reading. After all these years, and watching you read murder mystery after murder mystery to unwind, you're NOT reading."
Sydney's mind raced. He was sitting in his office after hours waiting patiently for the mail drop cart, so that he could arrange another evening with the woman who would be pushing that cart from office to office. "Is that a problem?" he asked quickly.
"I don't know, Sydney," Miss Parker replied in a gentle tone, setting aside completely her authoritarian air and hoping he'd finally hear and respond to the more informal tone. "You tell me."
Sydney gazed at her. She knew something was up - he just knew it. He knew that the day would come when his reluctance to leave work until later would come to somebody's attention and they'd comment on it.
God knows he'd leafed through the Centre employee's manual thoroughly often enough, looking for something - anything - that would constitute an official policy-related reason that he couldn't or shouldn't continue to see Miriam, and had found nothing at all. He'd even thought back through the other times in his life that he'd worked at developing a relationship with a woman, romantic or otherwise. Michelle, Claudia - they'd both been very important to him in their turns. With the clarity that came with hindsight he'd learned that the Centre's involvement in removing them from his life as their importance to him grew had been aroused because the Centre expected him to keep his full attention on Jarod. Jarod WAS to be Sydney's sole concern - and had been for a very long time.
But Jarod was gone now, escaped years ago with no intention of returning and enough intelligence to keep ahead of whatever bloodhounds were set on his trail. What was more, as a scientist he'd been kept out of the loop in regards to other subsequent Pretender-related projects that might have flourished under his experienced aegis. Even more surprisingly, he'd lately been openly encouraged to begin in-depth psychological research into twins that held potential only for the prestige of the Centre as a research facility rather than for actual profit in the Centre's pockets coming as a result of such research. Given that, certainly they couldn't still expect to control him on and off the clock THAT brutally merely on the remote chance Jarod would allow himself to be recaptured...
"I don't think what I do during my off hours is anybody else's business but my own, provided that it doesn't interfere with my work otherwise," he said, taking a chance and drawing a line in the proverbial sand.
Miss Parker's eyebrows climbed a little. Long experience told her that Sydney only went into "secretive mode" when it had to do with his present private life and/or someone dear to him who had had a part in that private life in the past. "You're right," she said, rising. "You have a right to have a life. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. Just answer me one question, though?"
He rose as she did, ever the proper gentleman. "What's that?" he inquired cautiously.
"Is it serious?"
Sydney blinked. WAS it serious? He'd seen Miriam numerous times now - including twice the previous week, once during the weekend, and then again the previous evening - and each time he'd found leaving her off at her apartment harder and harder. Not since Michelle had he felt so alive, and not since Michelle had he considered allowing himself to plan and dream of a future that included another person at his side.
He looked at Miss Parker, and the friendly, non-threatening tone she had adopted finally made an impression. His gaze softened some. "It could be," he answered finally, deciding to trust just a little bit in their long-standing relationship.
Miss Parker's expression softened immediately, as if sensing how tenuous the trust he was showing in her was. She'd seen the expression on his face reflect his emotions as he had considered her question, and she'd remembered the days when she felt the same. Tommy... There was only one other issue important enough to mention, then - important enough to her as a friend to warrant asking. "Does she make you happy?" she asked very gently.
His eyebrows climbed his forehead, but the upward twist of his lips in the direction of a smile indicated his continued good mood and willingness to be open with her. "That's two questions," he reminded her in an equally gentle voice, "but yes. She does."
"Good." Miss Parker stepped around the end of the large desk and kissed the cheek of her old friend very softly. "You deserve a little happiness for a change, Syd. I'm glad for you." She met his deeply astonished gaze with a touch of sadness in her own, then turned as if the emotions she was feeling were too private to share any further and began walking toward the closed door.
"Miss Parker," Sydney called as she pulled the door open. She turned at her name and looked at him silently. "Thank you." She nodded with a small smile and walked quickly through the Sim Lab and through the automatic sliding door.
~~~~~~~~
The moon was high and full over the restless waters of the Atlantic, and Miriam looked out over the whitecaps reflecting the moonlight at her in their brief lives with a happy smile. She leaned into the side of the man standing next to her and felt his arm find its way around her in response. "I haven't been to the ocean at night in ages," she told Sydney in an awestruck tone. "And I didn't even know this place existed."
"I'm glad I brought you here, then," he replied happily. "Its nice to think that I can show someone who has lived here their entire lives something they DIDN'T know before."
"Oh, I've learned lots of things from you I didn't know before," she retorted with a soft laugh, and then smiled even more widely when she felt him reach out with his other arm to encircle her entirely. She turned in contentment into him and wrapped her arms around his waist and held him close in return, breathing in deeply the fresh salt-sea air. She closed her eyes and let her head rest against his chest.
The past few weeks had been the happiest time of her life. She had quickly become very fond of her now-frequent companion, and found she felt the most content when he held her in his arms - something she was pleased to note he would do every chance she gave him. What had impressed her most was that he had not been anxious to move their relationship beyond a steady series of old-fashioned dates, a decision which had given them both the time and opportunity to get to know each other more completely. They talked constantly, of everything and anything, at length and in detail - from childhood memories to recent experiences, from sharing in remembering and mourning family lost in the Holocaust to sharing in remembering and mourning a child lost in a senseless accident. Their conversations often ranged widely - from exchanging jokes to discussing philosophy. They could move with ease from her expounding music theory to his pontificating about theories of psychological modeling. She never tired of hearing him speak of his research at the Centre or listening to the sound of his gentle chuckling as she'd recount the skewed musings of the clerical pool. She had finally let him talk her into playing for him after brushing off previous requests, and then reveled shyly in the accolades he had showered upon her for her efforts.
Her mother, Sarah, had seen the sparkle slowly return to her daughter's eyes and the dance return to her gait, things that had been missing and sorely missed for a long, long time. As a result, she had taken every opportunity to speak well of Sydney in his absence or bring him up as a subject of discussion. Sydney had not neglected Sarah either in the process of getting to know Miriam. The psychiatrist and the invalid had soon discovered, during one of their many times together while Miriam prepared her evening meal, that they both enjoyed the give and take of political discussions from the opposite sides of an issue and that both knew how to debate without rancor. One entire Sunday dinner in the apartment prepared by Miriam and the evening hours that followed had therefore been spent in lively and animated debate among the three of them, a debate that had continued somewhat between the two of them for several subsequent evenings.
Sarah, sensing the attraction growing between Miriam and her accomplished caller, had even slyly suggested a few evenings ago, while awaiting Sydney's arrival, that if Miriam didn't return home some night at all she could shift for herself in the morning. Miriam had pretended to be shocked, but had quietly been grateful for both the implication of approval her suggestion communicated as well as the freedom to follow her heart that it allowed her.
But Miriam knew she was on dangerous ground. She was falling in love with this gentle, complicated, private man - and the more she saw of him, the more frightened she was becoming despite her contentment in his company otherwise. Carl, her ex-husband, had been a fascinating man to get to know too, courteous and thoughtful to her and enchanting to her mother at first. Too young to know how to tell such things however, she had made the mistake of falling under his spell almost overnight. She had gotten pregnant almost immediately, long before finding out about his tendency to drink and how his personality changed for the worse when he was intoxicated - which was quite often. Sydney showed no signs of having any similar problems over a much longer period of courtship time; but the experience of losing a child, losing her entire future, and losing her own identity to an obsession for whiskey had made her leery. She knew that if she ever gave Sydney her heart, it would be a permanent gift, and that she would be running risks and taking chances she didn't know she could survive if she were wrong.
Sydney closed his eyes as he held his Miriam enfolded to him and knew once more that feeling of full contentment and completion that consistently came when he was in her presence. As he breathed in her now-familiar scent of fresh flowers on a summer's day, he heard once more Miss Parker's simple question echo in his mind and he asked himself again: Was it serious? Standing here now, with her folded in close to him, he knew beyond all doubt that indeed it WAS serious for him now - completely serious. He was falling in love with her, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself - nothing he WANTED to do to stop himself. After all these years of focussing solely on the Centre and its agendas, of letting the Centre power elite direct his attention ever at Jarod and the Pretender Project, at last he had something, someone, he was willing to call his own and fight for.
If she wanted him, that is. The gentle kisses stolen and exchanged in leafy apartment entrance alcoves since that first night had carefully and deliberately stopped far shy of any explosive passion, and neither had really discussed their feelings for the other in any depth since then. Suddenly, he needed to know where he stood. He needed to know if he'd already made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. If she rejected him now... well, he didn't even want to consider the possibility, for his emotions were far enough ensnared now that he doubted he'd survive any rejection unscathed.
"I think I'm falling in love with you," he rumbled down into her hair, the words tumbling unplanned from his lips and astonishing even him. He tightened his arms around her as if worried that his abrupt confession would spur her to try to escape before he'd spoken his piece.
Miriam bit her lower lip in astonishment. Could he read her mind? Did he know how much his saying those words meant to her? "Sydney," she whispered back.
"This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I didn't think I'd ever be able to love again," he said simply, leaning a cheek against the top of her head. "I stopped looking and after a few years figured that I'd never find anyone..." He dropped a kiss into her hair. "But then, suddenly, one day several weeks ago, I was in my office late, and I happened to look up at the right moment - and I found someone I thought I'd never find: someone who makes me feel... whole... young again."
He felt her stir in his arms, moving closer, and took a deep breath, feeling more nervous in the asking than he'd felt for a very long time. "I want to hope that maybe... there's a chance... for us... more than just... Miriam..."
"Sydney," she breathed, pushing back on him a little so that she could look up into his features reflected in the moonlight, "I..." Whether she had been ready for it or not, she knew for certain that her response to his stumbling declaration would be a fork in her life's path, and she had a choice to make that would permanently affect them both for the rest of their lives. She could either trust and go with her heart and accept and return Sydney's love; or she could let the mistakes of her past control her life forever, wound Sydney to the very core and in the process sentence herself to a life of solitude, of empty arms. What if she chose unwisely...
"Do you know how scary it is?" she asked him softly.
She saw his expression fold into worried concern. "What frightens you?" he asked immediately, urgently.
How could she make him understand? "The idea that... one day I'll wake up and know that... what I say now was the biggest mistake of my life."
The moonlight reflecting in his eyes clearly illuminated the deep hurt her words had caused. His arms loosened around her and he almost staggered back away from her. "Then... you don't..."
That did it. She took a deep breath and made her choice - the only choice she had that offered even the slightest chance for happiness. "No, no, you misunderstand." She closed the distance between them again and threw her arms around his neck. "I'm afraid that the biggest mistake of my life will be letting you know now how much I DO love you, and then waking up one morning to find that you don't love me anymo..."
Sydney had given a huge sigh of relief the moment he'd heard the words he'd longed to hear, gathered her to him with a quick, decisive motion and then proceeded to stop her words with demanding lips that captured hers and made speaking impossible. At long last he gave release to all the pent-up emotions he felt for her, letting every ounce of love and passion for her that he had held back for the past weeks be known through his kisses. His hands ran freely up and down her back to come to rest on the tops of her hips, pulling her into him firmly so that finally she could feel him letting himself want her and not caring that she knew it.
As if a dam had burst the moment her choice was finally made, Miriam at long last let herself be wanted, desired, loved with a passion she had thought never to be hers, and let herself return that love and passion in full measure. She opened her mouth to him, kissing him back as deeply as he had ever kissed her, and ran her hands up and down his back and to the top of his hips. She pulled him into her soft lower belly with a deliberate move, letting him know that she wanted him at least as much as he wanted her.
He trailed his lips across her chin and down her neck, nibbling all the way back up to her ear and feeling her arch her neck in response to his caresses. As he did, he pulled one hand from her back and ran it up her side, moving it slowly and gently to brush the bottom and side of her breast softly. Wanting to leave him no lingering doubts, she took one of her hands from his back and put it over the top of his wandering hand. She then moved it slowly and surely for him until it was fully on her breast and held it there until she was sure he understood that she was accepting this next level of caress. As he felt the nipple beneath his hand harden at his touch, he smiled against her neck and cupped her breast gently, running his thumb tantalizingly over the nipple again and again. With a soft moan of pleasure, Miriam returned her hand to the top of his hips and then shifted her lower body to deliberately rub against him, making him breath in sharply and then groan.
Neither of them had ever been so bold in their caresses before, never openly attempted to arouse the other to such a degree - or with such success. Sydney knew that with that surprising and surprisingly effective move from her, he was quickly approaching a point where his ability to put a halt on the direction things were rapidly going was in danger of evaporating. It had been so long - he didn't want to ruin everything by being over-eager.
Breathing hard, he moved his hand reluctantly from her breast to her back again and, kissing an earlobe gently, said, "My love, if we want to be able to stop..."
"Shhhhhhhhh..." Miriam leaned her head back from him and, with a twisting motion, captured his lips with hers for a change. When she released him from the kiss, she leaned into his neck below his ear and breathed, "I love you, my Sydney," as she ran her hands over his back and felt his heart beating in time with hers.
"My Miriam," he whispered, then bent and swept a hand suddenly behind her knees and lifted her into the air, spinning her around as she laughed with joy. "How I do love you!"
"Then love me," she suggested in a low and sensual voice in his ear that thrilled his every nerve ending, threading her fingers through his hair, "and let me show you how much I love you too."
He stared deep into her ebony eyes, sparkling with happiness and love as he held her in the moonlight, and felt her hands softly frame his cheeks and pull his face forward again so that her lips could meet his again in a shatteringly tender kiss. Slowly he let her legs slip from his grasp, and she slid down the length of his body to reclaim her footing in an amazingly arousing experience for them both. He looked deeply into her eyes again, and then slowly stepped back away from her and extended his hand. "Come with me, then," he said, his voice low and vibrating with love and much, much more.
Miriam didn't hesitate, but put out her hand and took his and felt his fingers thread themselves with hers. When he stepped back again and gave a gentle tug on their joined hands, she knew he was leading her back to where he had left the car on the edge of the clearing. She let him lead her to the car, hand her into the passenger seat with a tender kiss to the palm of her hand, and then climb in behind the wheel next to her. Her heart was beating strongly in her chest, rejoicing that even in the midst of everything he'd been willing to let her stop him with but a word. She couldn't help but love him all the more for his concern. But she was his, as he had often said - and now, at last, she was ready to prove it to him and in the same moment, claim him as her own as well.
Sydney forced himself to breath deeply and steadily to calm himself to the point that he could be a safe driver again and get them home in one piece. This time it was more difficult, because he knew that he was bringing her HOME with him, not dropping her off at her apartment. His blood was singing triumphantly in his veins as he steered the car carefully through the narrow, nighttime streets to his house. At last he could be confident that what he was feeling for her was mutual - and that there would be no need to simply make do with dreams of holding her and loving her tonight; tonight she would be with him completely. His Miriam.
~~~~~~~~
She was his - and she was asleep in his arms, in his bed, where she belonged.
Sydney shifted slightly so that Miriam could curl against him and make herself more comfortable with her head cradled on his shoulder, her one arm stretched possessively across his belly and their legs tangled together intimately. Ever enchanted by the sweet sensation of her smooth skin moving against his, he then closed his eyes and settled back to engrave the moment and those that had come before it in his mind. She had made him hers, and he had made her his, and the lovemaking where each had staked their claim had been slow and tender and incredibly sweet. In the aftermath, he'd pulled the sheet and blankets over them both and then felt her settle into his side as if she had always belonged there.
Indeed, he would never feel entirely complete without her next to him again. He was completely and hopelessly in love with her and amazed beyond words that she was in love with him too. And so he lay there, holding his love close to him in the dark, pondering what the next step would be. Miriam hadn't wanted what happened between them to be a casual fling or just a one-night stand. Neither had he. Both of them were old enough to know better and mature enough to know just what that better might be. Tonight they had taken an irreversible step, the immensity and consequences of which he was ready to face unflinchingly, provided he had her by his side.
She shifted against him again, and he curled his chin down so he could look down at her face reflected in the moonlight through the bedroom window and found her ebony eyes open, looking up at him with a peaceful serenity. He dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Go back to sleep, my love," he whispered tenderly, the arm of the shoulder she lay against curling around her waist gently. "It's late."
She turned her face slightly and kissed his chest. "You should be asleep too, my Sydney."
"I've been thinking."
"About what?" The fingers of the hand on his belly moved to trace small arabesques on his skin.
"Us." The arm at her back smoothed slowly up and down her velvety skin. "About where we go from here."
"We go to work tomorrow as if nothing happened just now," she said softly, ceasing the arabesques to simply move her arm across him and pull him closer to her, "and try to keep the sloppy grins from our faces that would give us away."
"Mmmm." The hand that had laid across hers at his belly now came up and stroked back the tumbled curls from her face and cradled her against him. "Then what?"
She lifted her head from his chest, propped herself up on an elbow on the bed and looked into his face with wide, searching eyes. "What do you want to happen, Sydney?"
"Uh-unh." His hands moved to frame her face between his palm, and he gazed at her with love written in his eyes. "What do YOU want?" he asked gently. "Making you happy is what makes me the happiest - so you tell me what you want, and I'll do my best to give it to you, if I can."
"That's easy, then." She leaned down and brushed her lips against his. "All I want is to have you in my life, to know that I'm a part of yours," she answered simply. "I want to see you, talk with you, laugh with you. I want to make dinner for you sometimes, or let you make dinner for me. I want to be able to hold you, touch you, make love with you." The hand at his waist moved up to stroke his cheek. "As often or as seldom as any of that happens, as long as I know that you're in my life and I'm in yours..."
"My Miriam," he murmured tenderly, pulling her face down to his so that he could kiss her again. "Don't you know, you ARE my life now, my love. And not only do I want you in my life for as long as you want to be there, but as far as I'm concerned, you belong here, in my home, with me, whenever and for as long as you want to be here." He kissed her forehead again and then let her settle back down into his shoulder and curl into his side. "Am I a selfish man to want you here with me from now on, and nowhere else?"
"Only if I'm being selfish by not wanting to be anywhere else either." Her arm stretched out across his belly to his other side again. "There's only one small problem about that, though, my love."
"What's that?"
"My mother." Miriam moved softly against him, her entire body caressing his. "I can't just let her try to go it alone in her condition..."
He ran his hand up and down her back again in a soothing caress and closed his eyes in contentment again. "I like your mother," he announced quietly. "If I have to share you with anyone, I won't mind it so much if it's her. Besides, you know I get called out of town every once in a while on business - sometimes with very little notice. At least, at those times, you wouldn't have to be alone..."
"And those evenings when you're home?"
"Then I'd hope you'd be home too. Here, with me." He kissed the top of her head. "We can figure the fine points out as they become necessary, depending on how your mom's health is doing and whether you want to get a ride to work the next morning." He settled his arm back quietly at her waist. "Let's talk more about this tomorrow evening. Right now, though, I think we both had better get some sleep - or neither of us will be worth a damn at work in the morning."
Miriam turned her head and kissed his chest again very softly. "I love you," she whispered.
"Je t'aime aussi," he murmured back, tightening his arm around her possessively for a moment. "Go to sleep, my love."
"You too, my Sydney." She nestled down against him and closed her eyes and took a deep, satisfied breath.
~~~~~~~~
Miss Parker glanced through the sliding glass doors of the Sim Lab as she was walking toward her office, then slowed as her eyes caught sight of Sydney carrying forth with his research. It was a subtle change, and only long acquaintance and having observed him in nearly every possible situation made it even perceivable, but there was a softness about Sydney this afternoon that was new. He had lost none of his focus, his concentration was completely centered on the responses of his subjects - wizened identical men today. He was, as ever, the quintessential psychological researcher plumbing the uncharted regions of the human condition. He watched the responses of his subjects, and took occasional notes on the papers he held in a clipboard. But there had been a change - in him.
She frowned and drew to a standstill where she could observe him in action without calling his attention to her study, trying to figure out just what it was that was different about him. Then she saw it: the ever-so-slight smile that crept to his lips every time he turned away from everyone else in the room, when he thought he was unobserved. The Sydney that stood in front of her on this day was a thoroughly happy man - his very being radiated a very quiet, refined, restrained but irrepressible contentment. Many of the small mannerisms that had marked him for as long as she could remember as lonely and filled with regrets were missing - and no wonder, evidently he was alone no longer.
The realization made her face soften as well, remembering the faint flit of emotion that had crossed his features when she'd asked him if whoever it was that was causing these changes in him made him happy. He'd said that she did and now here was the evidence that he'd not been lying. She could remember feeling that way herself once, years ago with a beautiful man named Thomas. Brushing aside memories that she preferred to enjoy at home alone, where she could be distracted without needing an excuse, Miss Parker filed her observations away, knowing that chances were VERY good that he would once again be working late, and she could possibly approach him again.
She snaked an arm out and snagged Broots' collar unexpectedly as he walked cluelessly past her on his way to his office. "Yo, Scooby, I have a quick job for you."
"Before finishing the security reports for the Illinois station when Jarod hacked into the system?" he asked with wide eyes. She'd been harassing him nearly every hour on the hour to get her that report.
"Not necessarily, but certainly before you leave for home tonight." She was still anxious to see what Broots could make of the gaping hole Jarod had discovered in the security protocols at Centre satellite stations. Still... "I want you to find out what happens here in the Centre at about eight o'clock at night."
Broots frowned in confusion at her. "B...but Miss Parker - nearly everybody and their empty lunch buckets are outta here by..."
"I know that..." she rounded on him. "But something happens down here on SL-15 at about eight o'clock, and I want to know what it is. Please."
Broots backed away nervously. Miss Parker using the “magic word?” Something was up. He turned away from her and scooted towards the elevator and punched the button for SL-2. Maybe Darla in Operations might have a clue where he could start looking.
"And Broots?" He turned as she called after him. "Keep this one under your hat, OK? It's only satisfying my casual curiosity on a trivial item - nothing earth-shattering or useful in catching Jarod."
"Got it." Uh-oh. He'd better get to it right away. Broots punched the up button several times, then stood there and stewed while the elevator seemed determined to take an eternity after all.
~~~~~~~~
"Got a moment, Syd?"
Sydney looked up at the tall brunette, leaning against his door jamb in much the same posture she had used the day before. He took down his feet from his desk and put his latest murder mystery face down on his blotter. "Yes, Parker?"
She moved into the office and, in a replay of the day before, pulled the glassed door shut behind her. "Can I?" she asked softly, indicating the chair she'd been sitting in the day before.
"This is getting to be a habit, you know... People will talk..." He waved her permission with an open hand, then put the side of his face into an open palm and leaned on the desk, looking at her patiently with a tipped head. "And what can I do for you this evening?"
Miss Parker had folded her hands demurely in her lap, and now she focussed her gaze on them, not entirely sure how to bridge this gap that stretched between them like a chasm. She looked up, and her expression was unsure, her voice hesitant. "I need to know what it would take..." She paused, not exactly sure how to ask for what she wanted.
"To do what?" Sydney asked in his best psychiatrist's tone, one carefully practiced and designed to reassure and draw out reluctant admissions.
"Please don't do that," she frowned at him. "Not tonight."
"Do what?"
"Play the shrink with me," she stated tiredly. "I don't want a shrink. I want a friend."
Greying eyebrows climbed his forehead, and Sydney sat up straighter. "A friend?! Is everything alright, Parker?"
She was grateful that she at least had his attention and had bumped him out of “shrink mode”. That didn't solve her problem, however. "No, Sydney, everything isn't alright. I've recently discovered I have neglected a very old friendship so badly that I haven't the slightest idea how to tell my friend to let down his defenses so we can talk - REALLY talk." She looked at him sadly. "Can you help me?"
He softened, then rose and came around the edge of the desk to seat himself in the chair next to her. "What would you like me to tell you, Parker? What do you want of me?"
"Give me a code word, or something else I can use to let you know that I want to set aside the dominatrix and psychiatrist colleague roles, that I want to talk to you as a friend."
He relaxed back into the chair, folded his arms over his chest and looked at her with some suspicion. "Why?"
The grey eyes looked up sharply. "Geez, Sydney, have things between us gotten so bad that we can't..."
Sydney leaned forward again and put a comforting hand on her knee briefly. "Don't mind me, Parker. I've become paranoid in my old age, and every time someone here tries to push past established boundaries..." He sat back again and gazed at her with chestnut eyes that were only slightly warmer and friendly. "Then again, I didn't think you valued my friendship that highly. I'm a convenient foil to help you celebrate Lyle's dressing-down; but when you hurt and genuinely need someone to lean on, you pull away... You make me a fair-weather friend by necessity rather than intention," he said with stark honesty made painful when Miss Parker realized he had reason for his belief.
"I DO value your friendship, Syd - I just tend not to let you know it half as often as I should, or really know HOW to let you help me when I could really use your advice or shoulder. I keep forgetting that the “Ice Queen” is just a façade. I'm sorry."
She was apologizing? "Parker." His face had folded into worried concern, and he leaned toward her again. "What's brought all this on, anyway?"
Her face softened. "I saw you, today, in the Sim Lab," she explained, moving her hands in small circles lamely. "You were working with your twins project..."
"And?"
She smiled at him, and it was an unassuming, uncalculating smile that reminded him so vividly of the innocent girl she had once been. "You were so happy, Syd. It just oozed out of you, the moment you thought nobody was paying attention." She paused as she noticed him sit back in his chair and rub a hand under his nose to hide a thoroughly amused and chagrined smile. "What?"
"She warned me we'd both have to be careful or our “sloppy grins,” as she put it, would give us away." He gazed at her with deep amusement dancing in eyes; and she knew then that she was talking to her old friend, and he was trusting her with his new happiness just a little. "I take it I didn't do such a good job, then?"
"Actually, I don't think anybody that didn't know you as well as I do would have noticed a thing, Syd," she reassured him quickly. "It made me remember how I felt when Tommy and I were first..."
"Parker," he began in a soothing voice, reaching out a hand to her.
"No, don't worry," she reassured him again, and let him capture her hand briefly. "They were good memories, Syd - the best. And the reason I wanted to talk to you as a friend tonight, rather than as a Centre colleague or a cast-iron bitch, was because I wanted to tell you that I meant every last word of what I said last night. You do deserve to have some happiness in your life for once, and I wanted you to know how good it made ME feel to see for myself that you really had found some for yourself after all."
She rose. "I just hope that maybe one day we can repair our relationship enough that you'd let me meet her." He rose with her, and she found she couldn't hold his gaze for very long. "Maybe one day I'll know how to go about being the kind of friend that you'd consider introducing her to. If you'll let me, I'd like a chance to earn that privilege." She turned away from him and reached for the door knob, having gone about as far in making herself vulnerable to him as she could stand at a time. It was time to beat a hasty retreat and let the seeds planted in this short discussion germinate in both of them - if that was to be.
Sydney was deeply touched, knowing what it had cost her to tear down her own defenses this far. "Parker," This time his voice was very soft, and it made her turn back to him. "Wait."
"I don't think so, Syd," she said gently, pulling the door open. "Not yet. I'll see you in the morning." She stepped into the Sim Lab, dodged the mail cart as it rumbled across the Lab floor without giving its pilot the slightest notice and then out the automatic door.
Miriam's startled gaze found Sydney standing in front of his desk in his office, and she then turned to watch where the younger woman had gone in such a hurry. "What was that all about?" she asked when she'd come into his office at last and began gathering and dispersing the inter-office paperwork.
He shook his head slowly, eyes wide. "Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure. She knows I'm seeing somebody - you were right about smiles giving things away, incidentally - and..."
"Don't tell me that she was ordering you to stop..." Miriam looked almost frantic, and her fingers tightened on the metal handle of the cart as if she needed it to keep her balance.
"No, nothing like that." He laid a hand gently on her forearm for a very brief moment, a gesture as close to a comforting embrace as he could allow himself within Centre walls. "I think she was giving me - us - her blessing."
~~~~~~~~
About a week later, Miss Parker stuck her head through Sydney's office door just as he was tabulating the day's research statistics into his computer, as was his routine at the end of the day. "Hey Syd! I just got a call from Lyle - he wants you and me in Raines' office pronto."
Sydney shrugged and saved his file, then logged off the system and stood to walk with her to the elevator that would take them to the Tower offices. "Any idea what's up?"
"Not a clue," she said with a quick shake of her head. "It'd be our luck that Raines just wants to shake our trees a little, put the fear of God in us about finding Jarod, perhaps."
He snorted and nodded frustrated agreement. There had been a real dearth of clues to Jarod's whereabouts after the plane crash in Africa, and nothing at all since the hacking of the Illinois station and subsequent emptying of a few well-padded bank accounts. He was fairly sure that Mr. Raines thought that all he'd have to do is chew some butt and results would suddenly appear from nowhere. The man seemed oblivious to the fact that Jarod was slowly distancing himself from the Centre now that he was closing in on locating his real family - and that the day Jarod put his family together would be the day Jarod vanished from sight completely and finally. It was a day he both anticipated and dreaded, but a day he seriously doubted Raines would even allow himself to contemplate.
The large office that had once been Mr. Parker's had been redecorated in the time since his plunge into the nighttime Atlantic. About the only thing familiar was the massive carved desk. Willy, Raines' ever-present sweeper, ushered Sydney and Miss Parker through the frosted glass doors and into the office where Lyle and Mr. Raines waited.
"Miss Parker, you will stand over there and listen. If your input is desired, you'll be told." Raines took a noisy gasp of oxygen from his tank and pointed. "Sydney, this meeting is to discuss your actions of late."
"Do you have a problem with my research, or with my input in the hunt for Jarod?" the psychiatrist asked crisply.
"It isn't your work-related actions that have come to our attention," Raines wheezed unpleasantly.
"Then we have nothing further to discuss," Sydney snapped in carefully but obviously restrained anger. "My performance as an Centre employee isn't at issue, and the rest of my life is none of your business."
The bald man continued as if Sydney hadn't spoken, pulling in another noisy breath. "It has come to our attention that you have been spending an inordinate amount of time with..."
"That's it!" Miss Parker exploded and stalked over to stand by Sydney and face down her “father”. "Syd's right. Provided his job performance is satisfactory, and provided he isn't endangering the Centre in any way by consorting with any industrial saboteurs or outside legal authorities, this meeting is finished."
"The hunt for Jarod..."
"Is not impacted by anything any of us do in our own personal time, beliefs to the contrary notwithstanding," Miss Parker spat, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Let me make myself very clear here - I will not have my team's effectiveness damaged by undue and unwarranted pressures put on private affairs. Not on mine, not on Syd's and not on Broots'."
"”Affair” does seem to be the operant term," Lyle sneered in an oily, suggestive voice that made the term seem tawdry and cheap and gave Sydney a sideways frown. "The problem is that people at our level of security need to be extra careful in choosing whom we associate with off-hours, and just how... close... we let any outsiders get to us."
"I have looked through the employee's handbook very thoroughly several times," Sydney said in a voice carefully disciplined to calm and detachment despite his roiling fury deep down. "There are no official policies specifically prohibiting relationships between employees in entirely different, non-related departments. The lady in question underwent a background search prior to her employment here," he pointed to the folder laying on Raines' blotter, "the results of which I assume are in that folder. Since she was obviously found suitable for hiring in the first place, I can't imagine that her being a threat to Centre security should be anything but a non-issue."
Miss Parker noted with interest that Syd's nameless somebody actually WAS a fellow Centre employee, something she'd only suspected before then, and filed it away in the back of her mind. She leaned over Raines' desk threateningly. "IS there a problem with this person being a security risk that I should know about as Sydney's direct superior?" She pointed to the report folder herself. "Anything in there I should know about?"
Raines and Lyle exchanged glances. "No, of course not," Raines gasped reluctantly at last. "But it has been agreed from the beginning that Sydney's attention cannot be divided. He needs to keep his mind on Jarod, and..."
"Jarod's gone, if you hadn't noticed," Sydney pointed out in clipped tones. "He's been gone for over five and a half years, and even the number of clues he leaves behind him are starting to dwindle. I can't be expected to obsess 24/7 over someone whom I never see and rarely hear from anymore, nor did I agree when I was employed here to be personally isolated from all social contact for the rest of my natural life."
"You know, Daddy used to say that “life goes on” - and I think that we need to take a lesson from his wisdom." Miss Parker had to work very hard not to cringe as she used her pet name for the now-departed Mr. Parker that she knew was patently false. "Jarod is gone, and we need to let Syd get on with his life too. Syd has a right to HAVE a life and a little happiness along the way - even IF Jarod happens to come back to the Centre someday. I intend to make sure he gets his chance."
"Are you making threats, Miss Parker?" Raines wheezed dangerously, while Lyle shifted nervously seeing his “sister” taking a stand that was less than popular with the current Centre power elite.
"No," she replied, her voice smooth as silk and never so dangerous. "Just letting you both know how things stand. As long as Syd does his job the way he's supposed to and gets the kind of results we've all come to expect of him, and provided all the inconvenient secrets around here that need protecting STAY secrets, I see no reason why you can't just leave him alone. Seems to me that it would be in the Centre's best interests to do just that."
"Or else?" Lyle couldn't resist seeing just how far she was willing to go out on a limb for the old geezer. He'd expected some display of loyalty, but nothing like this.
Her grey gaze rounded on him coldly, recognizing what her twin was doing and deciding that the time had come for her to make her position crystal clear. "Let's just say that I can imagine the kind of consequences of undue interference that would be very unpleasant and, dare I say it, highly unprofitable - the kinds of consequences that the Triumverate would be VERY unhappy to see. So I really suggest you not try to do anything to find out just how unpleasant things can get." She shot Sydney a shut up and play along glare, then turned on Lyle and Raines again. "So listen up. This is a reality check, and a... um... suggestion about how things should be from now on: Syd's private life is off-limits and off-topic. My private life is off-limits and off-topic. Broots' private life is off-limits and off-topic. We will not have any further discussions like this again until or unless you have something that actually calls for official attention or response."
She threaded her hand into Sydney's elbow and settled herself obviously and deceptively calmly onto his arm. "There will be no more Thomas Gates-like murder mysteries, no more Michelle- and Claudia-like disappearances, no more auto accidents putting loved ones into comas, no firings, no blackmail, no pressure or harassment of relatives, no anonymous bricks through windows, no flat tires at inconvenient times, nothing."
She didn't wait for a response, but pulled at Sydney's arm. "C'mon, Syd, let's get some air. We're done here." He stared down at her for a moment, not entirely sure how to respond to her having not only come to his defense but drawing her own line in the proverbial sand to protect all three of her team, including herself. More stunned than he'd been in a while, he let her lead him docilely from the office. They pushed past Willy, nearly knocking the frosted glass door into the dark-faced sweeper's nose as he stood close, obviously having been listening in.
Sydney waited until they were safely inside the elevator again, however, before backing away from her slightly with wide, surprised eyes. "Do you have the slightest idea what you just did?" he demanded, aghast at what had just occurred.
"Yes," Miss Parker sighed deeply, dropping her hold on his arm and relaxing at last, but steadfastly refusing to give in to the internal shaking that threatened to overwhelm her. "I did something that has needed doing for a long time," she replied quietly, her voice shaking only slightly. She turned serious grey eyes on his face. "I refuse to let them do to you again what they've done before to me AND to you, Syd. I'm not going to let them do it to you, especially - not again. Besides, I'm tired of knowing that they keep threatening Broots' daughter to force him to do things. It has to stop sometime."
He just shook his head in astonishment. "And just exactly what did you mean by consequences?"
"You really don't want to know," she answered tiredly. "If you don't know, and if they know you don't know, you won't be harassed for information." She gestured with her nose and eyes at the ever-present camera recording their every word and gesture.
"I hope you know what you're doing," he cautioned her seriously. "This is MY life and happiness you're playing with here..."
"I know, Sydney - believe me, I know. If I could have done it any other way..." She slumped against the far wall of the elevator, beneath the bullet hole from her mother's faked suicide attempt. "But your life and happiness were being threatened anyway. I had nothing to do with that - I was perfectly content to let you be happy. But those... PEOPLE... up there..." She took a deep breath. "Syd, both of us have had past chances for happiness stolen from us. We've both let them push us around in order to protect those we care about. It just isn't right." She looked at him bleakly. "I knew that one day it would come to this."
The psychiatrist stared at her for a long moment. She was taking an incredible chance, staking her own future with her two colleagues rather than with the Centre elite itself, and he could see how it was weighing on her. His gaze turned warm. "You've changed, Parker."
She snorted derisively. "Ya think they noticed?" she quipped in a brittle and defensive tone born of adrenaline and second thoughts, jerking her head in the direction of the elevator door and, by extension, the office they'd just walked out of.
Sydney thought silently for a moment, and then moved to her side and carefully put an arm around her shoulder. It wasn't often he felt that she would accept a gesture of support or comfort like that from him, but he couldn't resist taking the chance that this was one of those rare times. Besides, she deserved to know that he knew how she felt. "Oh, I'm sure THEY noticed too. I just wanted you to know that I find the difference suits you much better." He felt her lean, just a little. "And to say thank you again. When you stand up for your friends, you really do know how to do it right."
She smiled at the compliment then leaned into him a little more, nudging him very gently with her shoulder. "You're welcome."
"Do me a favor?"
Miss Parker looked up at him. "What's that?"
He smiled. "Come by my office this evening - say about eight o'clock? And leave the leather bikini and whip behind, OK?"
She blinked in confusion, and then began to smile as she finally decoded the oblique remark. "Here and I could swear you said just a few days ago that people would start to talk if we made too much of a habit of meeting like that."
He gave a very dismissive continental shrug. "I'm not worried about that very much anymore. Are you?"
She nudged him with her shoulder again gently. "I'll be there." She felt his arm tighten briefly around her shoulder, then drop. "Thanks, Syd."
~~~~~~~~
"Do you remember telling me how you met Thomas?" Sydney asked Miss Parker after she'd taken her seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and he had come around and taken the seat next to her.
"Yes," she said softly. "We met by accident - at least, it SEEMED as if it were an accident - at the gas station. He talked me out of buying a pack of cigarettes."
"It was the same for me - a purely accidental meeting," Sydney said in reminiscing voice. "I was working late, and..."
"I just KNEW it had something to do with your hanging around after work all the time lately." Her smile and soft tone dulled any potential sting from the remark that would have been so in character for her “Ice Queen” persona if it had been delivered with anything but simple honesty.
"Yes, well," Sydney harrumphed at the interruption and then continued, "I was sitting there, trying to get into a new book, when she walked in..."
Miss Parker blinked in surprise. "You mean to tell me this woman just walked into your office without knocking?"
He looked over at her evenly. "She probably walks into YOUR office without knocking too, Parker - it's just that either you're already gone for the day or you don't pay any attention to her."
"Sydney, you're not making any sense," she told him gently and carefully after picking her jaw off the floor. "NOBODY walks into my office and I don't pay them any attention..." She cut her remark short as she heard the inevitable mail cart rumble into the outer Sim Lab, heading for the office. She sat back in her chair, shaking her head in disbelief and suspending their discussion momentarily as the clerical worker began to make her delivery and collection.
Sydney sat and watched for a moment with ill-concealed amusement as his old friend ignored the mail drop process entirely, as usual, having glanced up at Miriam with a twinkle in his eye that told her something was up. Deciding not to keep his old friend in suspense any longer, and being aware that Miriam was on a tight schedule and now under even higher scrutiny, he sat forward. "Miss Parker?" He saw her blink in response, having been pulled from her pondering her disbelief. He then rose and, with a gentle hand at her shoulder, turned Miriam to face the other occupant of the room. "I'd like you to meet Miriam."
Miss Parker stared at him blankly for a moment, then turned her eyes to the woman standing patiently at Sydney's side to find herself looking into an intelligent if slightly apprehensive face. It took her a moment to recover, and then she stood and extended her hand to the older woman. "So you're the secret to Sydney's contentment lately," she said kindly, only to be secretly amused when the woman - Miriam - looked down in shy embarrassment and sidled in just a little closer to Sydney.
Sydney looked down at Miriam with a tenderness that went straight to Miss Parker's heart. "Miriam, this is Miss Parker - an old friend and colleague of mine."
Miriam looked back up into the face of the imposing, tall brunette about whom the Centre rumor mill occasionally went crazy, and carefully but firmly clasped the outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you at last," she said softly. "Sydney has spoken of you often."
"That puts me at a distinct disadvantage, since Sydney has told me nothing at all about you." Miss Parker looked over at the psychiatrist, whose contented smile had slipped slightly. "Then again, I understand WHY he has said so little, and I don't blame him for wanting to protect you from the scrutiny." She looked at Miriam again in what she hoped was an open and encouraging way. "And I'm not sure what all he's told you about me, but I assure you that if you're responsible for making my best and oldest friend in the world happy, you'll have nothing to fear from me." She leaned toward the older woman conspiratorially. "Keep that in mind, will ya? Syd forgets sometimes that my bark is usually much worse than my bite."
Miriam's eyebrows twitched, and her lips began to curl in a smile. "But it never hurts to keep up the illusion, though, does it?"
Miss Parker chuckled openly now. "I like the way you think," she responded, giving Sydney a sideways look that spoke volumes about what could happen if these two bright and capable women ever decided to conspire together against him. "I hope we can have a chance to get to know each other a little better sometime - but in the meanwhile, you just keep on with whatever you're doing. I haven't ever seen Sydney so happy before."
"Thank you," Miriam's smile became shier and more hesitant. "I appreciate the compliment." She reluctantly moved back to her mail cart. "And as much as I'd like to stay, I have to stick to a schedule."
"I know - and now that the Tower knows about you, you're better off doing your job strictly by the book," Miss Parker suggested meaningfully.
"The Tower..." Miriam blanched and looked at Sydney fearfully.
"I'll see you tonight, then?" Sydney asked quickly, before she could escape. "I'll fill you in on all the details."
Miriam nodded, only slightly mollified. "I'll see you there."
The psychiatrist bent down and brushed her cheek with his lips, then nodded. "You'd better get moving, then."
"Until later," she replied in a low voice meant just for him. "Nice to have met you, Miss Parker," she waved at the tall brunette and then skillfully maneuvered her cart from the room, closing the door after herself again.
Miss Parker watched Sydney's face as he watched Miriam's departure. "She was right, you know," she quipped when he turned back to her. At the raised eyebrows, she continued, "You do get this sort of sloppy smile on your face..."
The eyebrows folded together in a mock frown. "Parker, please..."
"Oh, sit down and quit your blustering." The brunette motioned with her hand for him to sit, and she reclaimed her seat at the same time. She sat back, making herself comfortable, crossed her legs and put her hands along each of the armrests. "OK, Syd, spill."
The eyebrows climbed the forehead again. "I beg your pardon?"
The smile in Miss Parker's grey eyes matched that on her face: soft, gentle, and incredibly curious. "Tell me about her, Sydney - and don't spare me any details." She grinned mischievously. "If you're anything like me, you've been dying to talk to somebody about her anyway..."
Chapter 2: Etude
"Hey Syd, hasn't anybody told you yet that quitting time is five o'clock, and not sometime after seven-thirty?"
Sydney blinked, recalled back to the warm, wood-paneled surroundings of his Centre office to gaze at Miss Parker blankly for a brief moment. He recovered quickly, straightening up in his comfortable office chair and leaning forward over his desk with hands now folded primly in front of him. "Indeed? Seems to me we've had this conversation about late-working pots calling equally late-working kettles black not all that long ago," he smoothed in his best psychiatrist's voice while he watched her saunter through his door. His brows rose on his forehead as he watched her close the door behind her. "Something on your mind?"
"Not exactly," she stated with careful diction as she moved to park herself in one of the comfortable chairs in front of his desk. Her grey eyes caught and held his chestnut gaze. "I think, instead, you've had something on yours."
"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, dismissing her statement with a small wave of his hand and then sitting back in his chair to observe her more carefully. Warily.
Miss Parker gazed at him evenly without speaking for a moment. Theirs was a long-standing relationship, one that stretched back as far as she could remember, but it had never been a smooth one. He had been first an authoritative adult in her childhood memories of growing up in the Centre with Jarod; lately he'd been a semi-reluctant colleague in the Centre's efforts to recapture his genius protégé, his loyalty laying neither fully with the Centre nor fully with his escaped Pretender. Somewhere, buried in those decades of acquaintance and years of close collaboration, was a smoldering ember of deep fondness and friendship that neither of them had chosen to explore very deeply, even on those rare occasions when they could be forced to acknowledge it existed. It was a closeness she wished desperately that she could call upon now - a sense of mutual trust that she now wished she'd cultivated more carefully on those rare occasions when he'd offered her the chance.
"This is me, Syd."
"I hadn't noticed." The response was immediate and dry.
She sighed and decided to take a different tack. "How's the murder mystery?"
"Huh?" The question surprised him. "I'm not reading..."
"Exactly." She leaned forward. "That's my point. You're sitting here, in your office after hours, NOT reading. After all these years, and watching you read murder mystery after murder mystery to unwind, you're NOT reading."
Sydney's mind raced. He was sitting in his office after hours waiting patiently for the mail drop cart, so that he could arrange another evening with the woman who would be pushing that cart from office to office. "Is that a problem?" he asked quickly.
"I don't know, Sydney," Miss Parker replied in a gentle tone, setting aside completely her authoritarian air and hoping he'd finally hear and respond to the more informal tone. "You tell me."
Sydney gazed at her. She knew something was up - he just knew it. He knew that the day would come when his reluctance to leave work until later would come to somebody's attention and they'd comment on it.
God knows he'd leafed through the Centre employee's manual thoroughly often enough, looking for something - anything - that would constitute an official policy-related reason that he couldn't or shouldn't continue to see Miriam, and had found nothing at all. He'd even thought back through the other times in his life that he'd worked at developing a relationship with a woman, romantic or otherwise. Michelle, Claudia - they'd both been very important to him in their turns. With the clarity that came with hindsight he'd learned that the Centre's involvement in removing them from his life as their importance to him grew had been aroused because the Centre expected him to keep his full attention on Jarod. Jarod WAS to be Sydney's sole concern - and had been for a very long time.
But Jarod was gone now, escaped years ago with no intention of returning and enough intelligence to keep ahead of whatever bloodhounds were set on his trail. What was more, as a scientist he'd been kept out of the loop in regards to other subsequent Pretender-related projects that might have flourished under his experienced aegis. Even more surprisingly, he'd lately been openly encouraged to begin in-depth psychological research into twins that held potential only for the prestige of the Centre as a research facility rather than for actual profit in the Centre's pockets coming as a result of such research. Given that, certainly they couldn't still expect to control him on and off the clock THAT brutally merely on the remote chance Jarod would allow himself to be recaptured...
"I don't think what I do during my off hours is anybody else's business but my own, provided that it doesn't interfere with my work otherwise," he said, taking a chance and drawing a line in the proverbial sand.
Miss Parker's eyebrows climbed a little. Long experience told her that Sydney only went into "secretive mode" when it had to do with his present private life and/or someone dear to him who had had a part in that private life in the past. "You're right," she said, rising. "You have a right to have a life. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. Just answer me one question, though?"
He rose as she did, ever the proper gentleman. "What's that?" he inquired cautiously.
"Is it serious?"
Sydney blinked. WAS it serious? He'd seen Miriam numerous times now - including twice the previous week, once during the weekend, and then again the previous evening - and each time he'd found leaving her off at her apartment harder and harder. Not since Michelle had he felt so alive, and not since Michelle had he considered allowing himself to plan and dream of a future that included another person at his side.
He looked at Miss Parker, and the friendly, non-threatening tone she had adopted finally made an impression. His gaze softened some. "It could be," he answered finally, deciding to trust just a little bit in their long-standing relationship.
Miss Parker's expression softened immediately, as if sensing how tenuous the trust he was showing in her was. She'd seen the expression on his face reflect his emotions as he had considered her question, and she'd remembered the days when she felt the same. Tommy... There was only one other issue important enough to mention, then - important enough to her as a friend to warrant asking. "Does she make you happy?" she asked very gently.
His eyebrows climbed his forehead, but the upward twist of his lips in the direction of a smile indicated his continued good mood and willingness to be open with her. "That's two questions," he reminded her in an equally gentle voice, "but yes. She does."
"Good." Miss Parker stepped around the end of the large desk and kissed the cheek of her old friend very softly. "You deserve a little happiness for a change, Syd. I'm glad for you." She met his deeply astonished gaze with a touch of sadness in her own, then turned as if the emotions she was feeling were too private to share any further and began walking toward the closed door.
"Miss Parker," Sydney called as she pulled the door open. She turned at her name and looked at him silently. "Thank you." She nodded with a small smile and walked quickly through the Sim Lab and through the automatic sliding door.
~~~~~~~~
The moon was high and full over the restless waters of the Atlantic, and Miriam looked out over the whitecaps reflecting the moonlight at her in their brief lives with a happy smile. She leaned into the side of the man standing next to her and felt his arm find its way around her in response. "I haven't been to the ocean at night in ages," she told Sydney in an awestruck tone. "And I didn't even know this place existed."
"I'm glad I brought you here, then," he replied happily. "Its nice to think that I can show someone who has lived here their entire lives something they DIDN'T know before."
"Oh, I've learned lots of things from you I didn't know before," she retorted with a soft laugh, and then smiled even more widely when she felt him reach out with his other arm to encircle her entirely. She turned in contentment into him and wrapped her arms around his waist and held him close in return, breathing in deeply the fresh salt-sea air. She closed her eyes and let her head rest against his chest.
The past few weeks had been the happiest time of her life. She had quickly become very fond of her now-frequent companion, and found she felt the most content when he held her in his arms - something she was pleased to note he would do every chance she gave him. What had impressed her most was that he had not been anxious to move their relationship beyond a steady series of old-fashioned dates, a decision which had given them both the time and opportunity to get to know each other more completely. They talked constantly, of everything and anything, at length and in detail - from childhood memories to recent experiences, from sharing in remembering and mourning family lost in the Holocaust to sharing in remembering and mourning a child lost in a senseless accident. Their conversations often ranged widely - from exchanging jokes to discussing philosophy. They could move with ease from her expounding music theory to his pontificating about theories of psychological modeling. She never tired of hearing him speak of his research at the Centre or listening to the sound of his gentle chuckling as she'd recount the skewed musings of the clerical pool. She had finally let him talk her into playing for him after brushing off previous requests, and then reveled shyly in the accolades he had showered upon her for her efforts.
Her mother, Sarah, had seen the sparkle slowly return to her daughter's eyes and the dance return to her gait, things that had been missing and sorely missed for a long, long time. As a result, she had taken every opportunity to speak well of Sydney in his absence or bring him up as a subject of discussion. Sydney had not neglected Sarah either in the process of getting to know Miriam. The psychiatrist and the invalid had soon discovered, during one of their many times together while Miriam prepared her evening meal, that they both enjoyed the give and take of political discussions from the opposite sides of an issue and that both knew how to debate without rancor. One entire Sunday dinner in the apartment prepared by Miriam and the evening hours that followed had therefore been spent in lively and animated debate among the three of them, a debate that had continued somewhat between the two of them for several subsequent evenings.
Sarah, sensing the attraction growing between Miriam and her accomplished caller, had even slyly suggested a few evenings ago, while awaiting Sydney's arrival, that if Miriam didn't return home some night at all she could shift for herself in the morning. Miriam had pretended to be shocked, but had quietly been grateful for both the implication of approval her suggestion communicated as well as the freedom to follow her heart that it allowed her.
But Miriam knew she was on dangerous ground. She was falling in love with this gentle, complicated, private man - and the more she saw of him, the more frightened she was becoming despite her contentment in his company otherwise. Carl, her ex-husband, had been a fascinating man to get to know too, courteous and thoughtful to her and enchanting to her mother at first. Too young to know how to tell such things however, she had made the mistake of falling under his spell almost overnight. She had gotten pregnant almost immediately, long before finding out about his tendency to drink and how his personality changed for the worse when he was intoxicated - which was quite often. Sydney showed no signs of having any similar problems over a much longer period of courtship time; but the experience of losing a child, losing her entire future, and losing her own identity to an obsession for whiskey had made her leery. She knew that if she ever gave Sydney her heart, it would be a permanent gift, and that she would be running risks and taking chances she didn't know she could survive if she were wrong.
Sydney closed his eyes as he held his Miriam enfolded to him and knew once more that feeling of full contentment and completion that consistently came when he was in her presence. As he breathed in her now-familiar scent of fresh flowers on a summer's day, he heard once more Miss Parker's simple question echo in his mind and he asked himself again: Was it serious? Standing here now, with her folded in close to him, he knew beyond all doubt that indeed it WAS serious for him now - completely serious. He was falling in love with her, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself - nothing he WANTED to do to stop himself. After all these years of focussing solely on the Centre and its agendas, of letting the Centre power elite direct his attention ever at Jarod and the Pretender Project, at last he had something, someone, he was willing to call his own and fight for.
If she wanted him, that is. The gentle kisses stolen and exchanged in leafy apartment entrance alcoves since that first night had carefully and deliberately stopped far shy of any explosive passion, and neither had really discussed their feelings for the other in any depth since then. Suddenly, he needed to know where he stood. He needed to know if he'd already made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. If she rejected him now... well, he didn't even want to consider the possibility, for his emotions were far enough ensnared now that he doubted he'd survive any rejection unscathed.
"I think I'm falling in love with you," he rumbled down into her hair, the words tumbling unplanned from his lips and astonishing even him. He tightened his arms around her as if worried that his abrupt confession would spur her to try to escape before he'd spoken his piece.
Miriam bit her lower lip in astonishment. Could he read her mind? Did he know how much his saying those words meant to her? "Sydney," she whispered back.
"This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I didn't think I'd ever be able to love again," he said simply, leaning a cheek against the top of her head. "I stopped looking and after a few years figured that I'd never find anyone..." He dropped a kiss into her hair. "But then, suddenly, one day several weeks ago, I was in my office late, and I happened to look up at the right moment - and I found someone I thought I'd never find: someone who makes me feel... whole... young again."
He felt her stir in his arms, moving closer, and took a deep breath, feeling more nervous in the asking than he'd felt for a very long time. "I want to hope that maybe... there's a chance... for us... more than just... Miriam..."
"Sydney," she breathed, pushing back on him a little so that she could look up into his features reflected in the moonlight, "I..." Whether she had been ready for it or not, she knew for certain that her response to his stumbling declaration would be a fork in her life's path, and she had a choice to make that would permanently affect them both for the rest of their lives. She could either trust and go with her heart and accept and return Sydney's love; or she could let the mistakes of her past control her life forever, wound Sydney to the very core and in the process sentence herself to a life of solitude, of empty arms. What if she chose unwisely...
"Do you know how scary it is?" she asked him softly.
She saw his expression fold into worried concern. "What frightens you?" he asked immediately, urgently.
How could she make him understand? "The idea that... one day I'll wake up and know that... what I say now was the biggest mistake of my life."
The moonlight reflecting in his eyes clearly illuminated the deep hurt her words had caused. His arms loosened around her and he almost staggered back away from her. "Then... you don't..."
That did it. She took a deep breath and made her choice - the only choice she had that offered even the slightest chance for happiness. "No, no, you misunderstand." She closed the distance between them again and threw her arms around his neck. "I'm afraid that the biggest mistake of my life will be letting you know now how much I DO love you, and then waking up one morning to find that you don't love me anymo..."
Sydney had given a huge sigh of relief the moment he'd heard the words he'd longed to hear, gathered her to him with a quick, decisive motion and then proceeded to stop her words with demanding lips that captured hers and made speaking impossible. At long last he gave release to all the pent-up emotions he felt for her, letting every ounce of love and passion for her that he had held back for the past weeks be known through his kisses. His hands ran freely up and down her back to come to rest on the tops of her hips, pulling her into him firmly so that finally she could feel him letting himself want her and not caring that she knew it.
As if a dam had burst the moment her choice was finally made, Miriam at long last let herself be wanted, desired, loved with a passion she had thought never to be hers, and let herself return that love and passion in full measure. She opened her mouth to him, kissing him back as deeply as he had ever kissed her, and ran her hands up and down his back and to the top of his hips. She pulled him into her soft lower belly with a deliberate move, letting him know that she wanted him at least as much as he wanted her.
He trailed his lips across her chin and down her neck, nibbling all the way back up to her ear and feeling her arch her neck in response to his caresses. As he did, he pulled one hand from her back and ran it up her side, moving it slowly and gently to brush the bottom and side of her breast softly. Wanting to leave him no lingering doubts, she took one of her hands from his back and put it over the top of his wandering hand. She then moved it slowly and surely for him until it was fully on her breast and held it there until she was sure he understood that she was accepting this next level of caress. As he felt the nipple beneath his hand harden at his touch, he smiled against her neck and cupped her breast gently, running his thumb tantalizingly over the nipple again and again. With a soft moan of pleasure, Miriam returned her hand to the top of his hips and then shifted her lower body to deliberately rub against him, making him breath in sharply and then groan.
Neither of them had ever been so bold in their caresses before, never openly attempted to arouse the other to such a degree - or with such success. Sydney knew that with that surprising and surprisingly effective move from her, he was quickly approaching a point where his ability to put a halt on the direction things were rapidly going was in danger of evaporating. It had been so long - he didn't want to ruin everything by being over-eager.
Breathing hard, he moved his hand reluctantly from her breast to her back again and, kissing an earlobe gently, said, "My love, if we want to be able to stop..."
"Shhhhhhhhh..." Miriam leaned her head back from him and, with a twisting motion, captured his lips with hers for a change. When she released him from the kiss, she leaned into his neck below his ear and breathed, "I love you, my Sydney," as she ran her hands over his back and felt his heart beating in time with hers.
"My Miriam," he whispered, then bent and swept a hand suddenly behind her knees and lifted her into the air, spinning her around as she laughed with joy. "How I do love you!"
"Then love me," she suggested in a low and sensual voice in his ear that thrilled his every nerve ending, threading her fingers through his hair, "and let me show you how much I love you too."
He stared deep into her ebony eyes, sparkling with happiness and love as he held her in the moonlight, and felt her hands softly frame his cheeks and pull his face forward again so that her lips could meet his again in a shatteringly tender kiss. Slowly he let her legs slip from his grasp, and she slid down the length of his body to reclaim her footing in an amazingly arousing experience for them both. He looked deeply into her eyes again, and then slowly stepped back away from her and extended his hand. "Come with me, then," he said, his voice low and vibrating with love and much, much more.
Miriam didn't hesitate, but put out her hand and took his and felt his fingers thread themselves with hers. When he stepped back again and gave a gentle tug on their joined hands, she knew he was leading her back to where he had left the car on the edge of the clearing. She let him lead her to the car, hand her into the passenger seat with a tender kiss to the palm of her hand, and then climb in behind the wheel next to her. Her heart was beating strongly in her chest, rejoicing that even in the midst of everything he'd been willing to let her stop him with but a word. She couldn't help but love him all the more for his concern. But she was his, as he had often said - and now, at last, she was ready to prove it to him and in the same moment, claim him as her own as well.
Sydney forced himself to breath deeply and steadily to calm himself to the point that he could be a safe driver again and get them home in one piece. This time it was more difficult, because he knew that he was bringing her HOME with him, not dropping her off at her apartment. His blood was singing triumphantly in his veins as he steered the car carefully through the narrow, nighttime streets to his house. At last he could be confident that what he was feeling for her was mutual - and that there would be no need to simply make do with dreams of holding her and loving her tonight; tonight she would be with him completely. His Miriam.
~~~~~~~~
She was his - and she was asleep in his arms, in his bed, where she belonged.
Sydney shifted slightly so that Miriam could curl against him and make herself more comfortable with her head cradled on his shoulder, her one arm stretched possessively across his belly and their legs tangled together intimately. Ever enchanted by the sweet sensation of her smooth skin moving against his, he then closed his eyes and settled back to engrave the moment and those that had come before it in his mind. She had made him hers, and he had made her his, and the lovemaking where each had staked their claim had been slow and tender and incredibly sweet. In the aftermath, he'd pulled the sheet and blankets over them both and then felt her settle into his side as if she had always belonged there.
Indeed, he would never feel entirely complete without her next to him again. He was completely and hopelessly in love with her and amazed beyond words that she was in love with him too. And so he lay there, holding his love close to him in the dark, pondering what the next step would be. Miriam hadn't wanted what happened between them to be a casual fling or just a one-night stand. Neither had he. Both of them were old enough to know better and mature enough to know just what that better might be. Tonight they had taken an irreversible step, the immensity and consequences of which he was ready to face unflinchingly, provided he had her by his side.
She shifted against him again, and he curled his chin down so he could look down at her face reflected in the moonlight through the bedroom window and found her ebony eyes open, looking up at him with a peaceful serenity. He dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Go back to sleep, my love," he whispered tenderly, the arm of the shoulder she lay against curling around her waist gently. "It's late."
She turned her face slightly and kissed his chest. "You should be asleep too, my Sydney."
"I've been thinking."
"About what?" The fingers of the hand on his belly moved to trace small arabesques on his skin.
"Us." The arm at her back smoothed slowly up and down her velvety skin. "About where we go from here."
"We go to work tomorrow as if nothing happened just now," she said softly, ceasing the arabesques to simply move her arm across him and pull him closer to her, "and try to keep the sloppy grins from our faces that would give us away."
"Mmmm." The hand that had laid across hers at his belly now came up and stroked back the tumbled curls from her face and cradled her against him. "Then what?"
She lifted her head from his chest, propped herself up on an elbow on the bed and looked into his face with wide, searching eyes. "What do you want to happen, Sydney?"
"Uh-unh." His hands moved to frame her face between his palm, and he gazed at her with love written in his eyes. "What do YOU want?" he asked gently. "Making you happy is what makes me the happiest - so you tell me what you want, and I'll do my best to give it to you, if I can."
"That's easy, then." She leaned down and brushed her lips against his. "All I want is to have you in my life, to know that I'm a part of yours," she answered simply. "I want to see you, talk with you, laugh with you. I want to make dinner for you sometimes, or let you make dinner for me. I want to be able to hold you, touch you, make love with you." The hand at his waist moved up to stroke his cheek. "As often or as seldom as any of that happens, as long as I know that you're in my life and I'm in yours..."
"My Miriam," he murmured tenderly, pulling her face down to his so that he could kiss her again. "Don't you know, you ARE my life now, my love. And not only do I want you in my life for as long as you want to be there, but as far as I'm concerned, you belong here, in my home, with me, whenever and for as long as you want to be here." He kissed her forehead again and then let her settle back down into his shoulder and curl into his side. "Am I a selfish man to want you here with me from now on, and nowhere else?"
"Only if I'm being selfish by not wanting to be anywhere else either." Her arm stretched out across his belly to his other side again. "There's only one small problem about that, though, my love."
"What's that?"
"My mother." Miriam moved softly against him, her entire body caressing his. "I can't just let her try to go it alone in her condition..."
He ran his hand up and down her back again in a soothing caress and closed his eyes in contentment again. "I like your mother," he announced quietly. "If I have to share you with anyone, I won't mind it so much if it's her. Besides, you know I get called out of town every once in a while on business - sometimes with very little notice. At least, at those times, you wouldn't have to be alone..."
"And those evenings when you're home?"
"Then I'd hope you'd be home too. Here, with me." He kissed the top of her head. "We can figure the fine points out as they become necessary, depending on how your mom's health is doing and whether you want to get a ride to work the next morning." He settled his arm back quietly at her waist. "Let's talk more about this tomorrow evening. Right now, though, I think we both had better get some sleep - or neither of us will be worth a damn at work in the morning."
Miriam turned her head and kissed his chest again very softly. "I love you," she whispered.
"Je t'aime aussi," he murmured back, tightening his arm around her possessively for a moment. "Go to sleep, my love."
"You too, my Sydney." She nestled down against him and closed her eyes and took a deep, satisfied breath.
~~~~~~~~
Miss Parker glanced through the sliding glass doors of the Sim Lab as she was walking toward her office, then slowed as her eyes caught sight of Sydney carrying forth with his research. It was a subtle change, and only long acquaintance and having observed him in nearly every possible situation made it even perceivable, but there was a softness about Sydney this afternoon that was new. He had lost none of his focus, his concentration was completely centered on the responses of his subjects - wizened identical men today. He was, as ever, the quintessential psychological researcher plumbing the uncharted regions of the human condition. He watched the responses of his subjects, and took occasional notes on the papers he held in a clipboard. But there had been a change - in him.
She frowned and drew to a standstill where she could observe him in action without calling his attention to her study, trying to figure out just what it was that was different about him. Then she saw it: the ever-so-slight smile that crept to his lips every time he turned away from everyone else in the room, when he thought he was unobserved. The Sydney that stood in front of her on this day was a thoroughly happy man - his very being radiated a very quiet, refined, restrained but irrepressible contentment. Many of the small mannerisms that had marked him for as long as she could remember as lonely and filled with regrets were missing - and no wonder, evidently he was alone no longer.
The realization made her face soften as well, remembering the faint flit of emotion that had crossed his features when she'd asked him if whoever it was that was causing these changes in him made him happy. He'd said that she did and now here was the evidence that he'd not been lying. She could remember feeling that way herself once, years ago with a beautiful man named Thomas. Brushing aside memories that she preferred to enjoy at home alone, where she could be distracted without needing an excuse, Miss Parker filed her observations away, knowing that chances were VERY good that he would once again be working late, and she could possibly approach him again.
She snaked an arm out and snagged Broots' collar unexpectedly as he walked cluelessly past her on his way to his office. "Yo, Scooby, I have a quick job for you."
"Before finishing the security reports for the Illinois station when Jarod hacked into the system?" he asked with wide eyes. She'd been harassing him nearly every hour on the hour to get her that report.
"Not necessarily, but certainly before you leave for home tonight." She was still anxious to see what Broots could make of the gaping hole Jarod had discovered in the security protocols at Centre satellite stations. Still... "I want you to find out what happens here in the Centre at about eight o'clock at night."
Broots frowned in confusion at her. "B...but Miss Parker - nearly everybody and their empty lunch buckets are outta here by..."
"I know that..." she rounded on him. "But something happens down here on SL-15 at about eight o'clock, and I want to know what it is. Please."
Broots backed away nervously. Miss Parker using the “magic word?” Something was up. He turned away from her and scooted towards the elevator and punched the button for SL-2. Maybe Darla in Operations might have a clue where he could start looking.
"And Broots?" He turned as she called after him. "Keep this one under your hat, OK? It's only satisfying my casual curiosity on a trivial item - nothing earth-shattering or useful in catching Jarod."
"Got it." Uh-oh. He'd better get to it right away. Broots punched the up button several times, then stood there and stewed while the elevator seemed determined to take an eternity after all.
~~~~~~~~
"Got a moment, Syd?"
Sydney looked up at the tall brunette, leaning against his door jamb in much the same posture she had used the day before. He took down his feet from his desk and put his latest murder mystery face down on his blotter. "Yes, Parker?"
She moved into the office and, in a replay of the day before, pulled the glassed door shut behind her. "Can I?" she asked softly, indicating the chair she'd been sitting in the day before.
"This is getting to be a habit, you know... People will talk..." He waved her permission with an open hand, then put the side of his face into an open palm and leaned on the desk, looking at her patiently with a tipped head. "And what can I do for you this evening?"
Miss Parker had folded her hands demurely in her lap, and now she focussed her gaze on them, not entirely sure how to bridge this gap that stretched between them like a chasm. She looked up, and her expression was unsure, her voice hesitant. "I need to know what it would take..." She paused, not exactly sure how to ask for what she wanted.
"To do what?" Sydney asked in his best psychiatrist's tone, one carefully practiced and designed to reassure and draw out reluctant admissions.
"Please don't do that," she frowned at him. "Not tonight."
"Do what?"
"Play the shrink with me," she stated tiredly. "I don't want a shrink. I want a friend."
Greying eyebrows climbed his forehead, and Sydney sat up straighter. "A friend?! Is everything alright, Parker?"
She was grateful that she at least had his attention and had bumped him out of “shrink mode”. That didn't solve her problem, however. "No, Sydney, everything isn't alright. I've recently discovered I have neglected a very old friendship so badly that I haven't the slightest idea how to tell my friend to let down his defenses so we can talk - REALLY talk." She looked at him sadly. "Can you help me?"
He softened, then rose and came around the edge of the desk to seat himself in the chair next to her. "What would you like me to tell you, Parker? What do you want of me?"
"Give me a code word, or something else I can use to let you know that I want to set aside the dominatrix and psychiatrist colleague roles, that I want to talk to you as a friend."
He relaxed back into the chair, folded his arms over his chest and looked at her with some suspicion. "Why?"
The grey eyes looked up sharply. "Geez, Sydney, have things between us gotten so bad that we can't..."
Sydney leaned forward again and put a comforting hand on her knee briefly. "Don't mind me, Parker. I've become paranoid in my old age, and every time someone here tries to push past established boundaries..." He sat back again and gazed at her with chestnut eyes that were only slightly warmer and friendly. "Then again, I didn't think you valued my friendship that highly. I'm a convenient foil to help you celebrate Lyle's dressing-down; but when you hurt and genuinely need someone to lean on, you pull away... You make me a fair-weather friend by necessity rather than intention," he said with stark honesty made painful when Miss Parker realized he had reason for his belief.
"I DO value your friendship, Syd - I just tend not to let you know it half as often as I should, or really know HOW to let you help me when I could really use your advice or shoulder. I keep forgetting that the “Ice Queen” is just a façade. I'm sorry."
She was apologizing? "Parker." His face had folded into worried concern, and he leaned toward her again. "What's brought all this on, anyway?"
Her face softened. "I saw you, today, in the Sim Lab," she explained, moving her hands in small circles lamely. "You were working with your twins project..."
"And?"
She smiled at him, and it was an unassuming, uncalculating smile that reminded him so vividly of the innocent girl she had once been. "You were so happy, Syd. It just oozed out of you, the moment you thought nobody was paying attention." She paused as she noticed him sit back in his chair and rub a hand under his nose to hide a thoroughly amused and chagrined smile. "What?"
"She warned me we'd both have to be careful or our “sloppy grins,” as she put it, would give us away." He gazed at her with deep amusement dancing in eyes; and she knew then that she was talking to her old friend, and he was trusting her with his new happiness just a little. "I take it I didn't do such a good job, then?"
"Actually, I don't think anybody that didn't know you as well as I do would have noticed a thing, Syd," she reassured him quickly. "It made me remember how I felt when Tommy and I were first..."
"Parker," he began in a soothing voice, reaching out a hand to her.
"No, don't worry," she reassured him again, and let him capture her hand briefly. "They were good memories, Syd - the best. And the reason I wanted to talk to you as a friend tonight, rather than as a Centre colleague or a cast-iron bitch, was because I wanted to tell you that I meant every last word of what I said last night. You do deserve to have some happiness in your life for once, and I wanted you to know how good it made ME feel to see for myself that you really had found some for yourself after all."
She rose. "I just hope that maybe one day we can repair our relationship enough that you'd let me meet her." He rose with her, and she found she couldn't hold his gaze for very long. "Maybe one day I'll know how to go about being the kind of friend that you'd consider introducing her to. If you'll let me, I'd like a chance to earn that privilege." She turned away from him and reached for the door knob, having gone about as far in making herself vulnerable to him as she could stand at a time. It was time to beat a hasty retreat and let the seeds planted in this short discussion germinate in both of them - if that was to be.
Sydney was deeply touched, knowing what it had cost her to tear down her own defenses this far. "Parker," This time his voice was very soft, and it made her turn back to him. "Wait."
"I don't think so, Syd," she said gently, pulling the door open. "Not yet. I'll see you in the morning." She stepped into the Sim Lab, dodged the mail cart as it rumbled across the Lab floor without giving its pilot the slightest notice and then out the automatic door.
Miriam's startled gaze found Sydney standing in front of his desk in his office, and she then turned to watch where the younger woman had gone in such a hurry. "What was that all about?" she asked when she'd come into his office at last and began gathering and dispersing the inter-office paperwork.
He shook his head slowly, eyes wide. "Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure. She knows I'm seeing somebody - you were right about smiles giving things away, incidentally - and..."
"Don't tell me that she was ordering you to stop..." Miriam looked almost frantic, and her fingers tightened on the metal handle of the cart as if she needed it to keep her balance.
"No, nothing like that." He laid a hand gently on her forearm for a very brief moment, a gesture as close to a comforting embrace as he could allow himself within Centre walls. "I think she was giving me - us - her blessing."
~~~~~~~~
About a week later, Miss Parker stuck her head through Sydney's office door just as he was tabulating the day's research statistics into his computer, as was his routine at the end of the day. "Hey Syd! I just got a call from Lyle - he wants you and me in Raines' office pronto."
Sydney shrugged and saved his file, then logged off the system and stood to walk with her to the elevator that would take them to the Tower offices. "Any idea what's up?"
"Not a clue," she said with a quick shake of her head. "It'd be our luck that Raines just wants to shake our trees a little, put the fear of God in us about finding Jarod, perhaps."
He snorted and nodded frustrated agreement. There had been a real dearth of clues to Jarod's whereabouts after the plane crash in Africa, and nothing at all since the hacking of the Illinois station and subsequent emptying of a few well-padded bank accounts. He was fairly sure that Mr. Raines thought that all he'd have to do is chew some butt and results would suddenly appear from nowhere. The man seemed oblivious to the fact that Jarod was slowly distancing himself from the Centre now that he was closing in on locating his real family - and that the day Jarod put his family together would be the day Jarod vanished from sight completely and finally. It was a day he both anticipated and dreaded, but a day he seriously doubted Raines would even allow himself to contemplate.
The large office that had once been Mr. Parker's had been redecorated in the time since his plunge into the nighttime Atlantic. About the only thing familiar was the massive carved desk. Willy, Raines' ever-present sweeper, ushered Sydney and Miss Parker through the frosted glass doors and into the office where Lyle and Mr. Raines waited.
"Miss Parker, you will stand over there and listen. If your input is desired, you'll be told." Raines took a noisy gasp of oxygen from his tank and pointed. "Sydney, this meeting is to discuss your actions of late."
"Do you have a problem with my research, or with my input in the hunt for Jarod?" the psychiatrist asked crisply.
"It isn't your work-related actions that have come to our attention," Raines wheezed unpleasantly.
"Then we have nothing further to discuss," Sydney snapped in carefully but obviously restrained anger. "My performance as an Centre employee isn't at issue, and the rest of my life is none of your business."
The bald man continued as if Sydney hadn't spoken, pulling in another noisy breath. "It has come to our attention that you have been spending an inordinate amount of time with..."
"That's it!" Miss Parker exploded and stalked over to stand by Sydney and face down her “father”. "Syd's right. Provided his job performance is satisfactory, and provided he isn't endangering the Centre in any way by consorting with any industrial saboteurs or outside legal authorities, this meeting is finished."
"The hunt for Jarod..."
"Is not impacted by anything any of us do in our own personal time, beliefs to the contrary notwithstanding," Miss Parker spat, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Let me make myself very clear here - I will not have my team's effectiveness damaged by undue and unwarranted pressures put on private affairs. Not on mine, not on Syd's and not on Broots'."
"”Affair” does seem to be the operant term," Lyle sneered in an oily, suggestive voice that made the term seem tawdry and cheap and gave Sydney a sideways frown. "The problem is that people at our level of security need to be extra careful in choosing whom we associate with off-hours, and just how... close... we let any outsiders get to us."
"I have looked through the employee's handbook very thoroughly several times," Sydney said in a voice carefully disciplined to calm and detachment despite his roiling fury deep down. "There are no official policies specifically prohibiting relationships between employees in entirely different, non-related departments. The lady in question underwent a background search prior to her employment here," he pointed to the folder laying on Raines' blotter, "the results of which I assume are in that folder. Since she was obviously found suitable for hiring in the first place, I can't imagine that her being a threat to Centre security should be anything but a non-issue."
Miss Parker noted with interest that Syd's nameless somebody actually WAS a fellow Centre employee, something she'd only suspected before then, and filed it away in the back of her mind. She leaned over Raines' desk threateningly. "IS there a problem with this person being a security risk that I should know about as Sydney's direct superior?" She pointed to the report folder herself. "Anything in there I should know about?"
Raines and Lyle exchanged glances. "No, of course not," Raines gasped reluctantly at last. "But it has been agreed from the beginning that Sydney's attention cannot be divided. He needs to keep his mind on Jarod, and..."
"Jarod's gone, if you hadn't noticed," Sydney pointed out in clipped tones. "He's been gone for over five and a half years, and even the number of clues he leaves behind him are starting to dwindle. I can't be expected to obsess 24/7 over someone whom I never see and rarely hear from anymore, nor did I agree when I was employed here to be personally isolated from all social contact for the rest of my natural life."
"You know, Daddy used to say that “life goes on” - and I think that we need to take a lesson from his wisdom." Miss Parker had to work very hard not to cringe as she used her pet name for the now-departed Mr. Parker that she knew was patently false. "Jarod is gone, and we need to let Syd get on with his life too. Syd has a right to HAVE a life and a little happiness along the way - even IF Jarod happens to come back to the Centre someday. I intend to make sure he gets his chance."
"Are you making threats, Miss Parker?" Raines wheezed dangerously, while Lyle shifted nervously seeing his “sister” taking a stand that was less than popular with the current Centre power elite.
"No," she replied, her voice smooth as silk and never so dangerous. "Just letting you both know how things stand. As long as Syd does his job the way he's supposed to and gets the kind of results we've all come to expect of him, and provided all the inconvenient secrets around here that need protecting STAY secrets, I see no reason why you can't just leave him alone. Seems to me that it would be in the Centre's best interests to do just that."
"Or else?" Lyle couldn't resist seeing just how far she was willing to go out on a limb for the old geezer. He'd expected some display of loyalty, but nothing like this.
Her grey gaze rounded on him coldly, recognizing what her twin was doing and deciding that the time had come for her to make her position crystal clear. "Let's just say that I can imagine the kind of consequences of undue interference that would be very unpleasant and, dare I say it, highly unprofitable - the kinds of consequences that the Triumverate would be VERY unhappy to see. So I really suggest you not try to do anything to find out just how unpleasant things can get." She shot Sydney a shut up and play along glare, then turned on Lyle and Raines again. "So listen up. This is a reality check, and a... um... suggestion about how things should be from now on: Syd's private life is off-limits and off-topic. My private life is off-limits and off-topic. Broots' private life is off-limits and off-topic. We will not have any further discussions like this again until or unless you have something that actually calls for official attention or response."
She threaded her hand into Sydney's elbow and settled herself obviously and deceptively calmly onto his arm. "There will be no more Thomas Gates-like murder mysteries, no more Michelle- and Claudia-like disappearances, no more auto accidents putting loved ones into comas, no firings, no blackmail, no pressure or harassment of relatives, no anonymous bricks through windows, no flat tires at inconvenient times, nothing."
She didn't wait for a response, but pulled at Sydney's arm. "C'mon, Syd, let's get some air. We're done here." He stared down at her for a moment, not entirely sure how to respond to her having not only come to his defense but drawing her own line in the proverbial sand to protect all three of her team, including herself. More stunned than he'd been in a while, he let her lead him docilely from the office. They pushed past Willy, nearly knocking the frosted glass door into the dark-faced sweeper's nose as he stood close, obviously having been listening in.
Sydney waited until they were safely inside the elevator again, however, before backing away from her slightly with wide, surprised eyes. "Do you have the slightest idea what you just did?" he demanded, aghast at what had just occurred.
"Yes," Miss Parker sighed deeply, dropping her hold on his arm and relaxing at last, but steadfastly refusing to give in to the internal shaking that threatened to overwhelm her. "I did something that has needed doing for a long time," she replied quietly, her voice shaking only slightly. She turned serious grey eyes on his face. "I refuse to let them do to you again what they've done before to me AND to you, Syd. I'm not going to let them do it to you, especially - not again. Besides, I'm tired of knowing that they keep threatening Broots' daughter to force him to do things. It has to stop sometime."
He just shook his head in astonishment. "And just exactly what did you mean by consequences?"
"You really don't want to know," she answered tiredly. "If you don't know, and if they know you don't know, you won't be harassed for information." She gestured with her nose and eyes at the ever-present camera recording their every word and gesture.
"I hope you know what you're doing," he cautioned her seriously. "This is MY life and happiness you're playing with here..."
"I know, Sydney - believe me, I know. If I could have done it any other way..." She slumped against the far wall of the elevator, beneath the bullet hole from her mother's faked suicide attempt. "But your life and happiness were being threatened anyway. I had nothing to do with that - I was perfectly content to let you be happy. But those... PEOPLE... up there..." She took a deep breath. "Syd, both of us have had past chances for happiness stolen from us. We've both let them push us around in order to protect those we care about. It just isn't right." She looked at him bleakly. "I knew that one day it would come to this."
The psychiatrist stared at her for a long moment. She was taking an incredible chance, staking her own future with her two colleagues rather than with the Centre elite itself, and he could see how it was weighing on her. His gaze turned warm. "You've changed, Parker."
She snorted derisively. "Ya think they noticed?" she quipped in a brittle and defensive tone born of adrenaline and second thoughts, jerking her head in the direction of the elevator door and, by extension, the office they'd just walked out of.
Sydney thought silently for a moment, and then moved to her side and carefully put an arm around her shoulder. It wasn't often he felt that she would accept a gesture of support or comfort like that from him, but he couldn't resist taking the chance that this was one of those rare times. Besides, she deserved to know that he knew how she felt. "Oh, I'm sure THEY noticed too. I just wanted you to know that I find the difference suits you much better." He felt her lean, just a little. "And to say thank you again. When you stand up for your friends, you really do know how to do it right."
She smiled at the compliment then leaned into him a little more, nudging him very gently with her shoulder. "You're welcome."
"Do me a favor?"
Miss Parker looked up at him. "What's that?"
He smiled. "Come by my office this evening - say about eight o'clock? And leave the leather bikini and whip behind, OK?"
She blinked in confusion, and then began to smile as she finally decoded the oblique remark. "Here and I could swear you said just a few days ago that people would start to talk if we made too much of a habit of meeting like that."
He gave a very dismissive continental shrug. "I'm not worried about that very much anymore. Are you?"
She nudged him with her shoulder again gently. "I'll be there." She felt his arm tighten briefly around her shoulder, then drop. "Thanks, Syd."
~~~~~~~~
"Do you remember telling me how you met Thomas?" Sydney asked Miss Parker after she'd taken her seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and he had come around and taken the seat next to her.
"Yes," she said softly. "We met by accident - at least, it SEEMED as if it were an accident - at the gas station. He talked me out of buying a pack of cigarettes."
"It was the same for me - a purely accidental meeting," Sydney said in reminiscing voice. "I was working late, and..."
"I just KNEW it had something to do with your hanging around after work all the time lately." Her smile and soft tone dulled any potential sting from the remark that would have been so in character for her “Ice Queen” persona if it had been delivered with anything but simple honesty.
"Yes, well," Sydney harrumphed at the interruption and then continued, "I was sitting there, trying to get into a new book, when she walked in..."
Miss Parker blinked in surprise. "You mean to tell me this woman just walked into your office without knocking?"
He looked over at her evenly. "She probably walks into YOUR office without knocking too, Parker - it's just that either you're already gone for the day or you don't pay any attention to her."
"Sydney, you're not making any sense," she told him gently and carefully after picking her jaw off the floor. "NOBODY walks into my office and I don't pay them any attention..." She cut her remark short as she heard the inevitable mail cart rumble into the outer Sim Lab, heading for the office. She sat back in her chair, shaking her head in disbelief and suspending their discussion momentarily as the clerical worker began to make her delivery and collection.
Sydney sat and watched for a moment with ill-concealed amusement as his old friend ignored the mail drop process entirely, as usual, having glanced up at Miriam with a twinkle in his eye that told her something was up. Deciding not to keep his old friend in suspense any longer, and being aware that Miriam was on a tight schedule and now under even higher scrutiny, he sat forward. "Miss Parker?" He saw her blink in response, having been pulled from her pondering her disbelief. He then rose and, with a gentle hand at her shoulder, turned Miriam to face the other occupant of the room. "I'd like you to meet Miriam."
Miss Parker stared at him blankly for a moment, then turned her eyes to the woman standing patiently at Sydney's side to find herself looking into an intelligent if slightly apprehensive face. It took her a moment to recover, and then she stood and extended her hand to the older woman. "So you're the secret to Sydney's contentment lately," she said kindly, only to be secretly amused when the woman - Miriam - looked down in shy embarrassment and sidled in just a little closer to Sydney.
Sydney looked down at Miriam with a tenderness that went straight to Miss Parker's heart. "Miriam, this is Miss Parker - an old friend and colleague of mine."
Miriam looked back up into the face of the imposing, tall brunette about whom the Centre rumor mill occasionally went crazy, and carefully but firmly clasped the outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you at last," she said softly. "Sydney has spoken of you often."
"That puts me at a distinct disadvantage, since Sydney has told me nothing at all about you." Miss Parker looked over at the psychiatrist, whose contented smile had slipped slightly. "Then again, I understand WHY he has said so little, and I don't blame him for wanting to protect you from the scrutiny." She looked at Miriam again in what she hoped was an open and encouraging way. "And I'm not sure what all he's told you about me, but I assure you that if you're responsible for making my best and oldest friend in the world happy, you'll have nothing to fear from me." She leaned toward the older woman conspiratorially. "Keep that in mind, will ya? Syd forgets sometimes that my bark is usually much worse than my bite."
Miriam's eyebrows twitched, and her lips began to curl in a smile. "But it never hurts to keep up the illusion, though, does it?"
Miss Parker chuckled openly now. "I like the way you think," she responded, giving Sydney a sideways look that spoke volumes about what could happen if these two bright and capable women ever decided to conspire together against him. "I hope we can have a chance to get to know each other a little better sometime - but in the meanwhile, you just keep on with whatever you're doing. I haven't ever seen Sydney so happy before."
"Thank you," Miriam's smile became shier and more hesitant. "I appreciate the compliment." She reluctantly moved back to her mail cart. "And as much as I'd like to stay, I have to stick to a schedule."
"I know - and now that the Tower knows about you, you're better off doing your job strictly by the book," Miss Parker suggested meaningfully.
"The Tower..." Miriam blanched and looked at Sydney fearfully.
"I'll see you tonight, then?" Sydney asked quickly, before she could escape. "I'll fill you in on all the details."
Miriam nodded, only slightly mollified. "I'll see you there."
The psychiatrist bent down and brushed her cheek with his lips, then nodded. "You'd better get moving, then."
"Until later," she replied in a low voice meant just for him. "Nice to have met you, Miss Parker," she waved at the tall brunette and then skillfully maneuvered her cart from the room, closing the door after herself again.
Miss Parker watched Sydney's face as he watched Miriam's departure. "She was right, you know," she quipped when he turned back to her. At the raised eyebrows, she continued, "You do get this sort of sloppy smile on your face..."
The eyebrows folded together in a mock frown. "Parker, please..."
"Oh, sit down and quit your blustering." The brunette motioned with her hand for him to sit, and she reclaimed her seat at the same time. She sat back, making herself comfortable, crossed her legs and put her hands along each of the armrests. "OK, Syd, spill."
The eyebrows climbed the forehead again. "I beg your pardon?"
The smile in Miss Parker's grey eyes matched that on her face: soft, gentle, and incredibly curious. "Tell me about her, Sydney - and don't spare me any details." She grinned mischievously. "If you're anything like me, you've been dying to talk to somebody about her anyway..."
