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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Research Subject - by MMB
Chapter 5: Coming Together
Spring had finally found Delaware, and everything was blooming - even me. I had been transplanted into new and very fertile soil, and I was happy in ways I could barely begin to appreciate yet. After years of loneliness, I had a husband whom I loved dearly and who doted on me, I had friends and my husband's unofficial family around me, and I carried a child that was eagerly awaited by the two of us.
I was nicely halfway through my pregnancy now and was clearly showing, but I still wasn't feeling so big and ungainly that I imagined myself a beached whale. Not yet, anyway... It was refreshing to have a husband who so obviously found every stage of this process both fascinating and exciting - and yet never forgot to reassure me that he still found me attractive as my size increased. My first husband, Jake, while initially excited about having a child and hopeful that it would be a son, had found my increasing girth a complete turn-off - leaving me to weather the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy alone feeling unloved and undesirable. Sydney, on the other hand, was exactly the opposite - he was very attentive and loving in every way possible so that I never doubted that I was very much loved and still desirable in his eyes. He had no qualms whatsoever about our physical relationship and the adjustments my progressing pregnancy required we make when it came to making love. I couldn't help but constantly compare the two men and know that I had come out best in the end.
What was more, I had no doubt that my husband was going to be a very loving and involved father to his child - because he was already lavishing plenty of attention on the unborn bulge in my tummy. At night, before settling down to sleep, he would so often lay his head on my chest and stroke the growing lump that was our peanut with his huge and gentle hand, talking to her quietly of his love for the both of us and his plans for our future. I could tell our peanut had become accustomed to this regular nighttime congress with her father as well, for she would cease her otherwise active ricocheting into lungs and bladders and then press gently and repeatedly back into Sydney's hand on my tummy as he spoke to her. I would run my fingers through his longish silver hair and smile from my place on my pillow at the two of them, thinking how the words “doting father” didn't even begin to describe the situation that was developing here.
How different this was from Jake's treatment of Rene both before and after she was born. Beforehand, he couldn't have cared less about her while she was inside me - she was an impediment to his pleasure, which he then blatantly sought elsewhere. And after she was born, she simply wasn't the son he'd wanted - so he ignored her except on those occasions when it was politically correct for him to act like a “Daddy.” Rene knew the difference almost immediately and never did feel any sort of close bond with her father. I was disappointed in him and did my best to make sure my baby knew she was loved by at least one of her parents. Just knowing that our peanut wouldn't have to suffer that same deprivation was a source of great relief and happiness.
I'm sure my contentedness with my marriage and new life was helping me along with my pregnancy as well. My doctor was continually pleased at how healthy I was managing to remain and that I was gaining weight very slowly and steadily rather than ballooning like some of his younger patients. He continued to urge me to stay off my feet as much as possible, and between his urgings and Sydney's outright pamperings, I had little choice but to comply.
That beautiful rainbow-colored caftan that Miss Parker had insisted on buying for me weeks ago had now become my favorite piece of clothing, something that my husband's unofficial “daughter” hadn't failed to notice. She would tease me a little about not having wanted to buy it in the first place every time she came over to visit and found me wearing it. I had begun to cherish that quiet time in the afternoon when she tended to choose to visit, not so much for my sake but for hers in getting a much-needed chance to shed the brittle shell of her public façade. Now that the time was approaching for Rene's scheduled visit, I was hoping that my daughter and my husband's “daughter” would get along well. I had come to love the vulnerable and affection-starved girl almost as much as my own girl, even though there was a full ten years difference in their ages. My fondest wish - besides having a healthy baby in August - now was that both women would begin to feel a part of this rather unorthodox family, and accept each other on somewhat sisterly terms.
Even Jarod, oddly enough, had maintained a regular routine of contact with us as well after that first, surprising, visit. It never failed that when Sydney would be required to spend a long weekend away from home at the Centre for whatever reason, Jarod would make an appearance on the evening of his return. At practically the very moment Joe - the sweeper Miss Parker had assigned to keep me company in Sydney's absence - would take off, leaving Sydney and me alone at last, a knock would come at the glass arcadia door to the backyard. After about the third repetition of this pattern, I started to plan for his inevitable visit - the dinner I made that night for my husband would be quite a bit larger than what just the two of us would eat. I now had a pillow and set of bedclothes carefully stored in the office closet for his use - bed clothing that always was folded and put away for me long before Joe could become suspicious about any overnight guests he hadn't known about.
The first couple of times that he appeared in our home on the nights of Sydney's return, he and Sydney retreated to the office and talked until very late while I'd stayed behind reading in the living room. I knew they were obviously tying up loose ends and putting so many of both his and my husband's demons to rest. Both men were always exhausted emotionally by the end of their talk, so I knew the demons must have been fierce ones and was glad that such pain was finally being put to rest. The last few times he'd shown up, however, we all ended up sitting around the kitchen table and talking for hours. He told us tales of his latest “pretend” while Sydney talked of his latest research project and I related some of the latest chemical puzzles that Julia had shipped my way. Jarod's grasp of chemistry was astounding - and he could see ways through those puzzles that would have taken me weeks to figure out. Both Jarod and I could find new and interesting facets to the psychological research Sydney was doing, and we would discuss the best way to investigate this tendency or that within the scope of the ongoing project. Sydney could offer insights into the psychological dynamics that had played a role in Jarod's pretends, with my chiming in from time to time with a woman's perspective - and slowly we seemed to be helping him understand the why's behind the mechanics of human interaction.
As I had come to be quite fond and more than a little protective of this unofficial “son” of ours, I openly questioned both him and my husband one night about whether the time might come when he and Miss Parker could be brought into the family fold together. Neither Sydney nor Jarod looked very optimistic about the prospect, and both of them let me know that IF such a thing were to happen, there could be no predicting her reaction. Evidently Jarod had dropped away from the Centre's ability to track him quite a while back, and Miss Parker was one of the people with whom he'd severed contact completely. I very quietly decided, right then and there, that I would start working on Miss Parker. I would begin very carefully probing her dedication to this now-stymied and suspended “hunt” for Jarod - seeing whether she could be convinced to consider our home as neutral ground where the hunt could be suspended for a time.
The Saturday dawned that would see my Rene come home to me, and Sydney finally laughed out loud as I fairly bounced off of walls in my excitement and anticipation. Our peanut joined in the joy, jumping strongly and often until I finally sat down in the passenger seat of Sydney's comfortable town car and HAD to practice patience. Sydney and I talked non-stop all the way to Dover, running through our plans for our two weeks' time with Rene - everything we wanted to do and places we wanted to take her. I think he was starting to get as excited by her pending arrival as I was. He hadn't seen her since the two of us had left her behind when we came here and she headed off to school again. But the two of them had spoken often by telephone in the months since then and formed a bond that I knew would only strengthen further as they got to know each other better.
The airport wasn't that big, and I clung to Sydney's arm as we made our way to the gate and waited for the passengers of the commuter jet to disembark. And then I saw her, dark glasses in place against the early afternoon sun - and then she was through the gate and I could put my arms around my beautiful daughter. "It's so good to see you!" I bubbled and leaned up to kiss her cheek just beneath her glasses, but I wasn't ready to feel her flinch the moment I touched her face. I pushed back a bit - now I could see the red that extended from beneath the sunglasses. "My God, Rene! What happened?" I demanded, reaching up and slowly removing the sunglasses to reveal a rather vivid shiner on the left side of her face.
"I ran into my father yesterday," was all she would say before hugging me tightly and then pushing away so that she could get a hug from Sydney, who was waiting patiently for his turn. "It's nothing, really..."
"Your father did this to you?" Sydney didn't sound much more willing to drop the subject than I wanted to be. As a matter of fact, he sounded downright protective and offended. He didn't release her much faster than I had either, and he had turned her face with very careful and gentle fingers at her chin to get a better look at the bruising with dark honey eyes filled with brooding.
Rene just shook her head. "Not here and not now, please? Let's just be happy that I'm here with you both, OK?" She then looked me up and down, a smile making its way across her face again. "From the looks of things, Mom, Delaware must agree with you."
"Oh yeah," I agreed, then looked at my husband. "It more than agrees with me." I took her hand then and let myself feel the happiness of having my girl back with me again. "We have a hide-a-bed for you in the office - I'm afraid the guest room is in the process of being re-done as a nursery..."
"Do I get to help with finishing touches?" Rene looked across me at Sydney, who merely shrugged at her.
Evidently he too had decided to enjoy the moment. "Did you honestly think you were going to get OUT of helping?" he smiled back at her. "I still have the crib to put together - and the number of parts is downright daunting!"
"Well, let me get settled in, and then let me at it!" she laughed, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I had Rene here with me, safe and relatively sound, again. I hadn't realized how incomplete I had been with her so far away from me, even though I was more than content with my life here as it was.
Sydney wrapped his arm around my shoulder while she stepped forward to the baggage carousel to await and then claim her bags. "Her father hits women?" he asked me very quietly.
"If he gets angry enough, yes," I admitted, not wanting to think of what must have passed between Jake and Rene to have resulted in that bruise. Their relationship had been rocky since long before the divorce - but this was a decided turn for the worse yet.
I could almost feel the distress growing in him. "Did he ever hit you?" he asked even more quietly.
"Yes." It was a tiny word, but oh how it hurt to admit. Thank God he didn't seem to make the connection between the baby I'd lost so long ago and this new and evidently disturbing knowledge about my ex-husband's temper.
His arm tightened around me then as he pulled me into a more encompassing embrace. "I have a real problem with men who take out their anger on their women with their fists," he growled, obviously watching Rene protectively.
I sighed and loved him even more yet for wanting to help me protect my daughter. Still... "My love, let it go. He's back there, and we're here. He can't get to me here," I reminded him as I leaned into him and put my arms around his waist in an answering hug.
"But he CAN get to Rene when she's at school, it seems - and THAT bothers the hell out of me," he insisted unhappily, then let go of me to step forward and take first one and then the other of the bags my daughter had brought with her. From his tone of voice with his next words, however, it seemed he was going to set aside the entire topic for the time being and work at being upbeat. "C'mon, Rene, your chariot awaits," he announced and took off, leading the way through the parking lot.
"Fantastic!" Rene settled the dark glasses back on her face, almost entirely hiding the injury to her face, and then wrapped her arm through mine as we stepped forward to follow him. "I've so missed you, Mom!"
"I've missed you too, Poppet! I've been so looking forward to your visit..."
"Don't let her fool you. She's been so excited earlier that I thought she was going to jump out of her skin this morning," my husband piped up with a mischievous smirk back over his shoulder in my direction.
"Tattletale," I pouted at him and then hugged her arm close to me with my hand over hers. Just then, our peanut decided to put in her two cents and kicked at where Rene's arm lay close to my abdomen. "And you cut that out too in there," I said, giving my bulge a pat. "Just because you're your Papa's pet already..."
Rene's steps hesitated, and her eyes met mine. "That was a strong kick, Mom..."
"She's just telling you hello," I interpreted easily.
"A girl?" My daughter's smile was spreading again. She gazed up at Sydney's back. "You're going to be surrounded by women, you poor man."
He dropped the bags at the trunk of the car and gave her a quintessentially European shrug while digging in his pockets for his car keys. "Ah well," he sighed with a touch of the melodramatic, "It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it - and I think I can handle it OK." He grinned at her and then turned to unlock the doors and pop the trunk with the push of two buttons on the key.
Rene climbed into the back seat behind me and leaned forward. "Have I told you lately how much I approve of your current choice in men?" she laughed gaily. "His sense of humor is delightful!"
I smiled at Sydney as he climbed into the driver's seat next to me. "I agree, Poppet, but I think I qualify as biased now..."
"Biased about what?" he asked, turning the key in the ignition.
"You, my love," I told him and leaned in to deposit a kiss on his cheek then shot a grin into the back seat, which was answered by another chuckle from that quarter.
"Newlyweds," Rene sighed in mock exasperation.
~~~~~~~~
"You're sure I'm not putting you out?" I heard when Rene turned and looked over at Sydney as he deposited her two bags beneath the window to the far side of the couch in the office.
"Not at all," he assured her. "There's nothing that goes on in here that can't be moved elsewhere in the house while you're here. I just hope that this old hide-a-bed is comfortable enough for you." He smiled at her. "But most importantly, I want you to make yourself completely at home here. This is YOUR home now too, you know." I was glad he told her that - I knew she'd already got the idea from their previous time together and telephone conversations since then, but it was always good to hear it said again in so many words.
I saw the shy and pleased smile that lit Rene's face. "Thanks, I appreciate that," she answered. I knew that she was feeling a little more at home now that she'd been given the tour and seen the pieces we'd so carefully packed from my former home in their new places, blending seamlessly into the way Sydney had arranged his house before. "I really like this room," she told him with a contented sigh, looking around her at the mostly full floor-to-ceiling bookcases and the heavy antique oak desk that sat against the far wall. "There's a room in the library at school that I often go to when I want to study that reminds me of this place - it always gave me a sense of..." she waved her hand in search of the proper words, "...security and roots."
"Back in Lyons, in the days before the war," Sydney began with a soft look on his face, "my father had a study very much like this one." He gave me a rather shy look. "I guess when I finally had the means, I just wanted to have a room like this in my own home so I could feel close to him again. I couldn't replace the books that were lost in the war, but I could start my own collection, as he had. My collection has spread to the living room now, but this..." he looked around him, "sometimes I think I can almost hear him here."
"It FEELS like this is a real home, having a room like this," Rene responded, her eyes glowing. "I always wanted a room like this in my house when I was growing up. I know Mom did the best she could, but she couldn't make our house feel like a HOME until after..." Her words died away - obviously just the thought of her father was enough to dampen her mood after whatever had happened.
I went over to her and put my arm around her shoulder and drew her to sit on the couch that would later open up into her bed. "I think maybe you'd better tell us what happened now, so it can be out in the open and then we can forget it for the rest of your vacation," I urged her quietly. I shot a glance at Sydney, who just nodded and sat down next to me and took my hand in his. When Rene looked at me and then him hesitantly, I patted her shoulder. "C'mon, Poppet. He's halfway across the country from us here."
"Would you rather I leave so you can talk to your Mom in private?" Sydney asked gently before she could say a word.
"No," she looked at him with real gratitude for his solicitude. "You've already seen my face - so it's not a secret..." She looked at me. "You know how he always wanted to know where you were, even after..." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "God, I feel really stupid."
"It's OK," I hugged her. "Just tell us."
"He caught me as I was coming home after my last final," she said in chagrin, "and demanded to know where you'd gone. Evidently he'd gone past your house and seen the new people..."
"What about the restraining order?" I asked in shock, and was distressed when she just shrugged. God only knows how many times he'd violated that order, and she'd just quietly put up with it and never told me about it.
"Restraining order?" Sydney was shocked. "He even has a restraining order on him?"
"Two of them, in fact. He's supposed to stay out of both my neighborhood and Rene's, and leave if either of us ever came into the same business he was in - and never call either of us by phone," I explained quickly. "It was the result of the divorce - things got a bit ugly there for a while..."
"What did you tell him?" he asked her, his brow now curled in very real concern.
"Nothing substantive - and that was the problem," Rene admitted. "I told him that Mom had gotten married again..." she explained, then turned to me. "...and that you'd moved to be with your new husband. When he demanded to know where that was, I told him it was none of his damned business - and that was when..."
"He backhanded you again," I finished for her, and she looked down and nodded. I heard Sydney snort in real anger behind me, and I squeezed his hand to let him know I understood completely. "Did you call the police?"
"I told him that if he didn't leave RIGHT THEN, that I'd call the cops and press charges for assault and battery."
"You should have done it anyway," Sydney growled in a low and dangerous voice.
She looked up at him with eyes swimming with tears. "He's my father," she said simply.
With that, Sydney left my side and went to sit down next to Rene and took her hand in his and held it tightly. "I know he is, ma petite," he told her gently, "but that's only a matter of biology. You didn't deserve this abuse - and you will forgive me if I get a little irate at the thought of anybody getting away with abusing a member of MY family."
"Sydney's right, Poppet," I joined my voice to his. "He's gotten away with this - or worse - far too often." I avoided looking at Sydney, because he had looked up very sharply at my words. I didn't want to have to answer his questions - Rene was my main concern right now. "We both got those restraining orders for very good reasons. He has to learn to live with the terms and conditions or suffer the consequences."
"Anyway, that's what happened." Rene obviously preferred we let the subject of both her father and what he'd done dropped entirely. "It's just a bruise, it will heal in not too long. I just want to forget it ever happened and enjoy my time here."
"I'll let this go and never mention it again if you promise me one thing," I told her firmly, hugging her again. "If he EVER comes anywhere near you again..."
"I want you to call us," Sydney broke in with a voice gruff and dangerous. "No matter what the time - you CALL us. You don't have to face this alone anymore, and I do have some resources that could be called upon in emergencies."
Now it was MY turn to look sharply at my husband. It wasn't often that he exposed that very dark and dangerous shadow side to his nature - something that he'd only shown to me once before, while filling in Joe the sweeper about what he wanted to happen in case I was bothered again by Lyle. I could now see that this was the way he got when those he cared for were threatened. I don't think I'd ever considered what it would mean for someone to have my husband as an enemy.
I didn't know, and I really didn't WANT to know, what those resources of his might entail. But the idea that he was willing and ready to bring these unnamed but probably Centre-related forces to bear in Rene's defense made my heart swell with gratitude anyway, despite my real reservations regarding the kind of resources to which he was referring.
"Yes, you call us, like Sydney said," I added to his terms, "but I want you to promise me that you'll call the police, even though you feel terrible about it. Poppet, one of these days, he's really going to hurt you - and I'm too far away to help you from here." I let her see how upset I really was that Jake had gotten violent with her. "Promise me!"
"I promise, Mom," she agreed at last, laying her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arm around my back. "I'm just glad I'm a long ways away from him." I held her close over my heart and noted that she was still clinging to Sydney's hand too. Our eyes met over her head, and I felt vindicated knowing that he was as worried about her safety as I was.
~~~~~~~~
As good as her word, as soon as she'd finished settling into the office, Rene found herself sitting on the floor in the half-finished nursery with a truly amazed look on her face as Sydney upended the cardboard box that held the pieces of the crib. He dumped the three bags of metal and plastic hardware that supposedly held the piece of furniture together out onto the floor and set the ungainly box aside. Against one wall, the four sides of the crib were stacked neatly, and the mattress leaned against the wall next to them. "Where are the instructions?" she asked him, scratching her head and picked up a bag at random and looked at its contents.
"This is all I could find," he said, handing her a piece of paper covered in just about ever other human language on the globe EXCEPT English, French or German - the three languages that stood a reasonably decent chance of being understood by somebody in this house. He'd showed me the so-called “directions” not long after we'd gotten the box home, and we'd had a short discussion on which way to just hold the paper until we'd found a printed number on the diagram to use as reference. "Do you read any of those?" Sydney pointed to the obviously Asian scripts.
Rene sputtered in surprise. "Oh, sure - of course I do," she replied, twisting the paper this way and that, obviously trying to figure out which way was right-side up just as we had. "And if you believe THAT..." she looked up at him with a huge grin, "...there's some swampland in Florida you might just be interested in..."
I leaned against the doorjamb and giggled at the look on his face - he was getting a much clearer picture of my daughter's considerable talent to play the clown. "Do you think we could work just from the diagram?" he got down on his knees and then with a grunt sat down on the floor next to her.
Rene looked from the directions to Sydney and back, her grin dying just a little. "We can try," she told him. "We're intelligent people, you and I - we've both had medical training - you'd think we wouldn't be so overwhelmed by this."
"Right. Your medical training is just starting, and mine is as rusty as the Titanic at the bottom of the ocean," Sydney quipped back. My smile grew. Good. They had begun to be able to banter with each other rather outrageously not long before we had left for Delaware - it looked as if they were getting ready to pick up right where they left off. "That's not very encouraging," he was continuing.
"Oh, c'mon, Sydney! Where's your sense of adventure? What's the worst that could happen? That we'd screw up and have to start over?"
"We DO want to have this done sometime before your vacation ends, you know..."
"I think I'm going to go get supper started," I told them then with a hearty chuckle. I figured I'd better make my escape before any real damage had been done or before I started laughing so hard at their antics I couldn't stop.
"Uh-oh, she's leaving," Rene leaned conspiratorially toward Sydney. "We're gonna be on our own. We're doomed without a supervisor, you know..."
"She trusts us," he told her then looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye and a wide smile. "Poor innocent, she'll learn..."
"Now wait just a minute. You two did just fine packing up my household not that long ago," I reminded them from the doorway, remembering the very efficient and cooperative way that the three of us had gone through my entire house. It had taken them not very long to sort that which was going to be shipped and that which was going to be stored from that which was going to be thrown away. "So I think I have good reason to have faith in your abilities to handle a simple crib now, don't you?"
I walked over and bent down with a grunt of my own to claim a kiss from my husband and then waved at them both to start down the stairs. I could hear the banter already starting up again behind me.
"A simple crib, she says."
"You never know, Rene - I've learned it never pays to underestimate your mother. If she were in any shape to get down here on the floor with us, she might just be able to figure this out without our help."
I chortled softly and made my way to the kitchen. As I worked on the vegetables for the salad and making gravy, I occasionally heard laughter filtering down the stairs - sometimes Rene's, and sometimes Sydney's. I closed my eyes at one point and breathed in the gentle sense of completeness that had permeated the house, then put my hand on our peanut as she moved steadily. This was happiness of a sort I'd only dreamed of for years - a happiness that had now reached out and embraced my daughter too.
When they came downstairs at my call to eat, Rene came into the kitchen shaking her head at Sydney. "You're going to have to do better than that, or my little sister is going to run you into the ground in a few years!"
Sydney shook his finger at her, his smile belying the scolding gesture. "You, young lady, are just entirely too feisty for having traveled half-way across the continent today."
"Ah," I piped up, setting the platter of sliced roast on the table, "but the real question is: were you two successful, or is the crib still in several large and tiny pieces on the floor?"
"Still in several large and tiny pieces on the floor," Rene admitted with a chagrined look.
"...but the large pieces are larger than they were before, and there aren't quite as many tiny ones anymore," Sydney finished for her, and I saw their gazes meet comfortably.
"See?" I asked, sitting down and beginning to pass the platter of meat, "I knew my faith in you two wasn't misplaced..."
When Sydney and Rene looked at each other in astonishment and then burst into full-out laughter, I began to wonder whether they really DID need a supervisor...
Eventually it took all three of us the rest of the evening after supper to decipher the diagram and get the crib assembled, and I don't think I'd ever laughed quite so hard before in my life. I was grateful that I had the rocking chair that Sydney had purchased for me only a few days ago to sit in when my sides started to ache. If either my husband or daughter had felt any lingering shyness or hesitancy around the other, I was sure those hours of light-hearted work had done them in for good.
Rene wouldn't hear of my helping her make up the hide-a-bed for her, and she gave me my goodnight's kiss at the office door. But what made me smile in contentment was the way she then walked right up to and claimed a hug and a kiss goodnight from Sydney too - as if doing so was a normal occurrence. I think she startled him with her easy familiarity, because he suddenly had a very intense look on his face as he held my daughter close and then gently kissed her cheek below her bruises. "Goodnight, ma petite," he told her in that low voice that he used when his emotions were high, "I'm glad you're home with us, safe and sound."
"I am too," I heard her say as she leaned against him in a way she'd never once had a chance - much less wanted - to lean on her father. "Goodnight, Dad." I heard Sydney catch his breath. "You don't mind, do you?" Rene asked very softly, as if suddenly hesitant after all the familiarity of the evening.
"On the contrary, I feel very honored," he told her in a voice that was even more gruff with barely restrained emotions. "Very honored!" I saw him kiss the top of her head very gently and then release her with another "Goodnight, ma petite," so she could go in and close the door for privacy. His dark honey eyes were glowing when he came over to join me at the doorway of our bedroom.
"C'mon, Dad, time to turn in," I told him as he enfolded me in his arms tightly.
"My God!" he sighed, leaning his chin on the top of my head. "I feel like I've just been handed the world."
I smiled against him. "Thank you," I said as I wrapped my arms around him in return.
"For what? Finally getting the crib together? YOU were the brains behind that..."
"No," I chuckled, then sobered. "For being the kind of father to my Rene that she's always deserved."
"I almost feel like I'm stealing her from your ex," he commented, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Trust me, my love, you can't steal something like that," I told him with a squeeze. "Jake never appreciated Rene at all - he wanted a son, and she wasn't a boy - and you saw the results of how he treated her the last time they were together. You, on the other hand, have never treated her with anything BUT the kind of respect and fondness she's needed very badly for a very long time. You didn't steal her, you won her."
His hands came up and pressed themselves warmly against my face and turned my eyes to meet his. "Cat, I don't know what caused you to apply for that damned research project back when," he said in that low voice that always made my knees weak, "but I give thanks for it, because you've given me the one thing I've always wanted - a family of my own. You're giving me our peanut, and now a beautiful daughter that I truly wish WERE mine. You've even given me back the children that weren't really mine to begin with. I don't know how to even begin to..."
"I love you," was the only response I could give him - he that had given me so much.
He pulled me into the bedroom and closed the door with his foot as he lowered his lips to mine and set my pulse racing. "God how I love you," he told me as he dropped kisses of fire down my throat, and I ran my hands across his chest to sweep aside the suspenders and began working the buttons on his shirt. We didn't go to sleep for quite a while after that, but when we did, we both rested well. After all, I could hardly fail to rest well with my husband curled along my back with his huge hands holding our unborn baby and me to him and the memory of his passionate embrace still fresh in my mind.
The next morning dawned bright and warm - which was just as well, for Sydney and I had invited the Broots' and Parker over for dinner so that the bulk of our Delaware family could meet my grown daughter. I was leaving it up to the men to take care of the meat when the time came - Sydney assured me that he and Broots were up to the job. I had almost everything else on hand so that I could work on the rest of the meal throughout the day, and Parker had promised to bring dessert with her.
At about lunchtime, I answered my doorbell to find Broots and Debbie arriving early - but bearing lunch makings with them. Debbie's eyes began to sparkle when she was introduced to Rene. "Looks like the girls are going to outnumber the guys today for a change," she observed coyly.
"The girls are going to outnumber the guys in this house all the time in about four months anyway," Rene responded with a mischievous grin in Sydney's direction.
"Like I told you at the airport, cheri, that's nothing a real man can't handle," my husband quipped back at her immediately, earning himself a chuckle from the girls and a slightly amazed stare from Broots. "You might as well decide to enjoy and join in the ridiculous, Broots my friend," Sydney chuckled himself at his friend's expression. "Now that Rene's here, it gets pretty thick and flies fairly frequently."
"OK," Broots replied, still sounding a little reserved, but I could see from the quiet smile on his lips that it wouldn't be long before he would be participating fully - and it wasn't.
The first surprise of the afternoon came when Parker arrived - with her three-year-old half-brother in tow. I saw her eyes seek out Sydney's as I let her into the house after she explained the toddler in her arms to me. "I hope you don't mind," she said, obviously watching his reaction. "It's just that this is such a family occasion, and he hasn't..."
"We don't mind, do we?" I asked, making my own position clear by putting out my hands to take the little one from her and then turning to my husband with the baby in my arms.
His grey eyebrows had climbed halfway up to where his hairline used to be. "Raines will be furious when he finds out you've taken him from the Centre. There will be serious repercussions for this, Parker," he reminded her softly, making a chill run down my spine. This darling little boy in my arms was a permanent inmate of the Centre?
"It's possible," she admitted gently, "but he deserves some kind of family life too, Syd. Besides, I've... been taking him with me on weekends sometimes lately anyway - this little outing isn't the first time I've taken him out of the Centre, and Raines knows this." She was standing up to my husband, but also was openly pleading for understanding support from him. "If it comes to that, I'll take all the heat, I promise, and keep it away from Cathy and Peanut. But he's just a little boy, Sydney, and he deserves to have a little fun with a real family once in a while..."
I could see Sydney relenting even as she spoke; and when he came close to me and wrapped one of his huge hands around the toddler's head, I knew she'd already won. "What did they name him finally?" he asked.
"They didn't," Parker's voice had a bitter edge to it. "I did." She moved to help the little one take off his sweater. "His name is Jacob Thomas," she announced with pride. I gaped - and I could see that she knew exactly what she'd done, and what it would mean to my husband.
When Sydney's dark honey eyes caught at mine briefly, I could see the same level of emotion in them as he'd had just the evening before. Slowly he put out his hands and took the boy from me. "Jacob?" he repeated with a slowly widening grin, pulling the little tee shirt down back into place from the shift in perch. He turned a warm gaze on her. "Thank you, Parker." His voice was again low with emotion.
Little Jacob must not have been used to being handled by men, for he reached out for Parker with a whimpered, "Sissy..."
"Hush, you're OK..." Parker soothed with a hand on his back. "This is your... Uncle Sydney and Aunt Cathy. Can't you say hello?"
Little Jacob turned very dark and wary eyes to my husband. "Unkoh Sydney?" He looked back at his sister for confirmation. Parker nodded at him with a smile.
"Hello, Jacob," Sydney purred at the little one, bringing the child's attention around again to the man who held him.
"Hello there, Jacob," I stepped up close and put a comforting hand at his back. But I could see that my husband and his deep voice were far more fascinating, so I smiled and held out my arms to hug Parker in welcome instead. "I want you to meet someone," I told her and showed her where Rene and Debbie had retreated to the dining table for animated girl talk. "Parker, this is my daughter Rene. Rene, I'd like you to meet Parker."
Rene stood and walked over to us. "Mom has told me a lot about you," she said and held out her hand. "I'm glad to meet you at last."
"She's told me a lot about you too," Parker took Rene's hand in hers. "I've been looking forward to getting a chance to know you."
"Hey, Miss Parker!" Debbie chirped and then swooped in for a hug from one of her favorite people. "About time you got here."
"Hey yourself," Parker responded with a tight hug. Rene grinned at me, and I could see that her assessment of the new arrival was so far a positive one.
"Rene and I've been talking - sit down and join us," Debbie pleaded, pulling at the woman.
"I'd love to, but I don't want Jacob to feel..." Parker turned and checked on the toddler, who seemed very contented and still fascinated with Sydney for the moment and now had Broots talking to him too.
"He's fine, Parker," I soothed her. "Sydney will take good care of him, you know that."
"Jacob?" Debbie gazed up at her friend in confusion.
"My little brother," Parker told her, then looked at Rene. "I figured since this was a regular family reunion of sorts, I'd bring him. He doesn't get to come to such things often..."
Rene looked over at Sydney and then back at Parker, grinning in mischief. "Besides, Sydney could use all the practice with little kids he can get anyway, don't you agree?"
"I..." I could see Parker beginning to smirk at the idea, and then she chuckled aloud. "You gotta admit she has a point, Cathy," she finally said to me.
"Do any of you see me objecting?" I replied, throwing my hands up in mock surrender.
"No, but I see you're wearing that caftan again." This time it was Parker's turn to grin at me with her grey eyes twinkling in mischief.
"Oh, don't you start..."
"She didn't want to buy it the day I took her shopping for maternity clothes," Parker leaned toward Rene confidentially, "but I could see that she loved it. So I just made sure it came home with her anyway. And now I rarely see her in anything else..."
Rene looked up at me and laughed out loud at the idea of my needing to be talked into buying such a garment, Debbie giggled at this continuation of a favorite family in-joke, Parker smirked at me again, and even I had to smile.
After that point on, the afternoon seemed to just fly by. Parker brought in a collection of toys from her car for little Jacob when he got tired of having Sydney hold him. Broots and Sydney began one of their many chess games at the dining table with Jacob playing with his cars and planes noisily around them or at their feet. We girls settled in either the kitchen or on the patio outside - the arcadia door was opened and only the screen prevented the springtime insect world from invading the kitchen without barring the fresh air and scent of flowers from Sydney's rose garden. One or more of us would be puttering with food preparation for the meal to come while the others sat and chatted.
Ultimately, Rene and Parker ended up outside on the lawn chairs talking quietly while Debbie and I stayed behind in the kitchen. Once Jacob had located his sister outside, he wanted out too - and his cries of sheer delight at having a whole big backyard to run and play in even brought Sydney and Broots from their game to watch for a bit. The fresh air and exercise had an effect on Jacob eventually, though, and when he crashed it was on Parker's lap as she continued in her discussion with Rene. The sight of the three-year-old curled up on Parker's lap with a thumb in his mouth, fast asleep, caused me to summon the men again and point it out to them. I led them to the arcadia door with a finger to my lips so their being made privy to the moment could remain a secret, and then smiled when Sydney put his arm around me and whispered into my ear, "Quite the family we have here, Cat..." I wrapped my arm around his waist and held him back
Later on, Sydney and Broots took a break in their game to move outside and start the grill. Jacob roused on his sister's lap when the sizzle and savory smells from the cooking meat became tantalizing. Broots lifted the boy up and carried him over so that he could observe from a safe distance while his "Unkoh" tended the meat, getting a gentle lecture about the fire being hot and dangerous from both men.
Dinner was almost ready when I heard the doorbell ring. Setting Debbie to finishing with the garlic bread, I wiped my hands on a towel and went to answer it - and gaped. Looking just as if he'd just stepped out of the frame on Sydney's mantle, Nicholas Stamatis smiled at me as he looked me up and down, his eyes eventually landing first on the bulge in my stomach and then back on my face. "You must be my father's Cathy."
"And you must be my husband's Nicholas," I grinned back and pulled him into the house and into a hug. "My God - we weren't expecting you before May."
"I ended up having to come to Dover unexpectedly and thought I'd drop by for a little bit." The young man looked around the house, hearing the sounds of happy voices coming from the back. "I'm not interrupting, am I?" Yes, this was most definitely Sydney's son - he had Sydney's eyes and tone when he was unsure of things.
"You're not interrupting at all - as a matter of fact, you couldn't have picked a better time to come," I assured him and laced my hand into the crook of his elbow. "C'mon. We've got enough food here to feed an army - another place at the table isn't going to hurt us at all." I dragged him through the house and out the arcadia door. "Sydney, just look what showed up on our doorstep..."
"Hi, Dad," Nicholas said softly.
"Nicholas!" Sydney cried and set the meat fork aside to rush forward and throw his arms around his son. "What a wonderful surprise! How..."
"I had to come to Dover to handle a small matter for the university, and I came a day early so I could stop by here and at least visit a bit." Nicholas pounded his father on the back heartily. "I didn't expect to end up crashing a party..."
"Nonsense - you couldn't have picked a better time," Sydney was now positively glowing. "I see you've already met my Cat - Cathy - so let me introduce you to the others." I summoned Debbie from the kitchen so that she too could be introduced, and saw how she turned coy and almost shy at the sight of such a handsome younger man. Sydney then introduced first Rene and then Parker with a look of very paternal pride - and Parker in turn introduced her little brother. Jacob immediately lifted his arms so that this new and tall man could hoist him in the air - which Nicholas did with an easy laugh and a high swing that had the little boy squealing in glee. Finally he shook hands with Broots, who had taken over the meat-tending duties while Sydney performed his introductions.
I looked around the backyard with real contentment. THIS was our family - and quite a case of “yours, mine and ours” it was. There was only one missing face, as far as I was concerned - and I suddenly wished with all my heart that by some twist of fate, Jarod could find his way to our doorstep too that day. Peanut moved inside me, and I knew that she was feeling my contentment and my longing. Suddenly I was so very tired - tired of all the things that were preventing these people I'd come to love so much from being the family I'd come to want more than almost anything in the world.
Parker saw me massage the top of my belly and then turn back to the kitchen, and she followed me. "Are you OK?" she asked with a gentle touch on my shoulder.
"Of course I am, my dear," I turned to her, realizing that if I wanted to speak to her at all, now was the time. We were alone, and there was no pressure. "I... was just wishing..."
"What?" She pulled out a kitchen chair and steered me into it carefully, as if she thought I was suddenly fragile.
"I really do need to talk to you, and I don't know how to begin," I finally admitted with a futile wave of the hand.
"Just say it," she suggested as she sat down with me. "Sometimes being direct really can be the best way."
"Alright," I said, then paused to try to put my thoughts into a coherent statement. "I know I may be stepping where I'm not welcome here - and you're welcome to tell me if I am - but I have to wonder..."
"Cathy," she ground out in mild exasperation, "for God's sake, just spit it out."
I took a deep breath. "You know how Sydney feels about you..."
I knew their relationship over the past months had grown quite close - something Sydney had very quietly rejoiced over. "Yes..." Her brows furled, she wasn't following my train of thought yet.
"And you know how he feels about Jarod?"
The beautiful grey eyes grew just a little wary. "I have a fair idea," she admitted carefully. "He did raise him, after all..."
I nodded. "So the question comes down to whether or not, if the situation ever occurred, you would be willing to..."
"Look away?" she asked quietly.
"Not exactly," I replied. "Jarod is a part of this crazy family too, Parker, as much as you are. Now I know that you and Sydney and Broots used to be working on bringing him back to the Centre, but..."
Parker gave me a sharp look and then sighed. "How much has Syd told you - about Jarod, about what we used to do for the Centre?" she asked suddenly.
"Most all of it now." I made my voice as non-judgmental as I could.
I was certain my answer - and the fact that I seemed unfazed by what she was alluding to - wasn't what she'd been expecting. "Then you know that the hunt for Jarod has been suspended - that we've all been reassigned?"
"Yes," I admitted as I looked down at my hands, and then took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye. "But that's only because there has been no clue to Jarod's whereabouts, correct?"
"Right." I could see she was starting to catch on, for she drew closer to me and whispered, "My God, Cathy! Have YOU seen or heard from him?"
I continued to look her straight in the eye. "What if I said I had?"
That shocked her into silence. If Sydney hadn't told me what he knew of the history between Jarod and Miss Parker, I don't think I would have caught the very fleeting expression of hurt and...was it jealousy?...that flit behind those calm grey eyes at the news. "Does Syd know?" she asked further, her voice very soft.
What I really needed to ask her would answer her question, and with that I knew the time had come to lay my cards on the table. "What would you do, Miss Parker, if one day you came here to visit and he was here already - or if he came while you were here?" She looked at me in shock, and I pressed on firmly. "Would you pull your gun and haul him back to the Centre... in front of me, or peanut, or Rene?"
"Cathy..."
I looked at her as steadily as I could. "Just answer the question. What would you do?"
"I honestly don't know," she finally admitted, sitting back and looking back at me with eyes that were vulnerable and hurt. "By all rights, my job would be to take him back in - but..." She ran her fingers through her hair in what looked like frustration as she too needed to search for the right way to say things. "The truth is that we were good friends when I was young, and then... things changed... I changed. But no matter how badly I treated him, he didn't give up on me, until the day that he just... stopped... being there. I don't know if Sydney knew, but he used to call me at home late at night..." She looked at me guiltily. "And I didn't always report the calls like I was supposed to. My world was slowly imploding then, and sometimes it was because Jarod would tell me things... He hasn't called me in a very long time." She sighed and looked out the arcadia screen at the group outside. "I miss him sometimes."
I put out my hand to grasp one of hers. "I'm not surprised. If it helps at all, he still speaks fondly of you, and with some regret for your lost friendship."
"But why doesn't he call anymore?" she asked plaintively. "What did I do?"
"I honestly don't know, sweetheart," I soothed. "Maybe, if you could let this house be a sort of neutral territory - where the Centre can't touch any of us, and that damned hunt doesn't exist - you might get a chance to ask him someday."
I saw a faint glimmer of hope flash in her glance before Debbie came through the screen door to go back to her garlic bread with little Jacob trailing along in search of his sister. "Sissy, you OK?" the little boy asked as Parker hauled him up into her lap. His little hands stroked her face gently. "Not sad?"
"No, Jakie. I'm not sad," Parker told him, pulling him close and dropping a sweet kiss onto the top of his head as her grey eyes spoke eloquently to me. I smiled at her and nodded faintly, knowing that this was as close as I was going to get to a definitive answer for now. I knew better, and I knew I knew better. I had done what I could now and would have to be content with leaving it at that until the situation actually arose.
"Aunt Caffy," Jacob continued, now looking at me, "Unkoh Sydney said the meat's ready soon."
I smiled at our little messenger. "And you're a good boy to remember what Uncle Sydney told you. You want to help me set the table?"
"Can I?" he turned in his sister's arms in excitement.
"Go for it," his sister urged him with a wide smile to me. "I'll help Debbie get the rest of the food served up."
I got to my feet and headed for the cupboards. "Here, Jacob. You bring the napkins, while I bring the silver." Together we got the table set, with Jacob learning quickly from the example I gave him and then copying it at each place. Sydney brought the platter with the steaks into the table just as we finished, and the family - OUR family - quickly gathered round.
~~~~~~~~
After the dinner had been cleaned away, the entire group had headed for the living room, where Sydney had built a nice fire in the fireplace to keep us toasty while we all sat around and talked. Sydney and I ended up at one end of his long leather couch - I had landed there after supper with a tired little boy while the other girls cleaned. I think I will always hold dear the expression on Jacob's face as he felt the baby move in my stomach and suddenly understood there was another whole person there. When Sydney finally sat down next to me after building the fire, Jacob had crawled into his "Unkoh's" lap - which was far more roomy and comfortable than his Aunt's - and promptly fallen fast asleep. Debbie had sprawled on the floor in front of the fire after helping pick up Jacob's toys, with her father in one easy chair and Parker in the other. Nicholas and Rene had eventually found the other end of our couch.
Eventually, however, Broots had packed Debbie home so she could rest before school the next day, and Parker had carefully rescued Sydney from a dead to the world Jacob after giving my husband a very fond peck on the cheek for his patience with the boy. "Feel free to bring him anytime, Parker," Sydney told her when he escorted them to the door, then gave Jacob a gentle kiss and Parker a fond and tight hug before letting her escape completely.
Rene helped me make up a bed on the living room couch for Nicholas, and then spoke quietly to Sydney recommending that he take me to bed before I fell in. I got a very nice hug from Nicholas, of whom I could tell I would quickly grow fond, and then let my husband put his arm around me and help me up the stairs. Rene turned out the lights behind us, then claimed her own hugs and kisses before disappearing back into the office for the night.
"Are you feeling OK?" Sydney asked in concern as I let out a tired sigh and sat down on the edge of the bed. "You didn't wear yourself out too much today, did you? You did an awful lot, Cat..."
I rubbed the tight bulge that was our peanut and sighed as she boisterously tumbled yet again into my bladder. "I'm tired, yes - but happy," I answered him. "I don't think this house has been this full for a very long time."
Sydney chuckled. "We were quite a mob today, weren't we?" I could see that he was still glowing from the comaraderie of the day, and I held out a hand to him.
"We have a rather large family between us now, my love. You've become quite the patriarch." I drew him down next to me and put his hand on the active bulge that was our bounding peanut. "But I think Peanut and I have just about had all the excitement we need for a while."
He spread that big hand of his across my tummy and put his other arm around me and pulled me into a gentle embrace. He was quiet for a very long time, just holding me very close. I knew his heart was full, and he was still absorbing the very real family ties - real and created from whole cloth - that had been coalescing all around us and him that afternoon and evening. Rene had felt no reservation about calling him “Dad” in front of everyone, and Debbie had suddenly picked up on little Jacob's calling him "Uncle" and me "Aunt" - much to Parker's and Broots' amusement. I wondered briefly if he had noticed how Rene and Nicholas had gravitated together as the evening had worn on - and decided to just let things take their own course without comment.
"It all seems like a dream sometimes," he said softly into my hair eventually. "I keep having this nightmare that I wake up and find that all of this was nothing but my imagination playing cruel tricks on me. My idea of Hell, lately, is that everything that makes my life worth living for me now is a fantasy and you nothing more than the memory of a research subject for whom I did the final interview." His arm tightened around me. "I've spent my whole life wishing for something like this - I don't think I could live without you anymore, Cat. I don't think I'd want to."
I felt our peanut push gently into her father's hand, like she did most nights when he held her that way, and I put my head on his chest. "I don't think I could live without you either, my love," I told him gently. "You are my life now, my world."
"God, I love you!" He bent his head so that his lips could capture mine in a sweet and loving kiss that touched me to my soul and then let me go so I could get ready for bed. After helping me get into my nightgown, he climbed into bed next to me and pulled me to him so that my head was pillowed on his chest and he could hold both me and our peanut. His hand at my back moving slowly up and down my spine was soothing, helping tired muscles relax - and the sound of his heart and breathing beneath my ear was incredibly calming to me. I could feel the baby gently pressing against her father's hand. It was an incredibly tender and very private moment for the three of us.
Yes, Spring HAD come to Delaware - and there was the promise of sweet fruit to follow the blossoming. Fragments of family had been drawn together and forged into a whole that was stronger than any of us had expected, with a possibility of that family finally being whole sometime in the future.
I don't think I'd ever been so happy in my life as I was falling asleep safe and secure in my husband's arms that night.
Chapter 5: Coming Together
Spring had finally found Delaware, and everything was blooming - even me. I had been transplanted into new and very fertile soil, and I was happy in ways I could barely begin to appreciate yet. After years of loneliness, I had a husband whom I loved dearly and who doted on me, I had friends and my husband's unofficial family around me, and I carried a child that was eagerly awaited by the two of us.
I was nicely halfway through my pregnancy now and was clearly showing, but I still wasn't feeling so big and ungainly that I imagined myself a beached whale. Not yet, anyway... It was refreshing to have a husband who so obviously found every stage of this process both fascinating and exciting - and yet never forgot to reassure me that he still found me attractive as my size increased. My first husband, Jake, while initially excited about having a child and hopeful that it would be a son, had found my increasing girth a complete turn-off - leaving me to weather the emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy alone feeling unloved and undesirable. Sydney, on the other hand, was exactly the opposite - he was very attentive and loving in every way possible so that I never doubted that I was very much loved and still desirable in his eyes. He had no qualms whatsoever about our physical relationship and the adjustments my progressing pregnancy required we make when it came to making love. I couldn't help but constantly compare the two men and know that I had come out best in the end.
What was more, I had no doubt that my husband was going to be a very loving and involved father to his child - because he was already lavishing plenty of attention on the unborn bulge in my tummy. At night, before settling down to sleep, he would so often lay his head on my chest and stroke the growing lump that was our peanut with his huge and gentle hand, talking to her quietly of his love for the both of us and his plans for our future. I could tell our peanut had become accustomed to this regular nighttime congress with her father as well, for she would cease her otherwise active ricocheting into lungs and bladders and then press gently and repeatedly back into Sydney's hand on my tummy as he spoke to her. I would run my fingers through his longish silver hair and smile from my place on my pillow at the two of them, thinking how the words “doting father” didn't even begin to describe the situation that was developing here.
How different this was from Jake's treatment of Rene both before and after she was born. Beforehand, he couldn't have cared less about her while she was inside me - she was an impediment to his pleasure, which he then blatantly sought elsewhere. And after she was born, she simply wasn't the son he'd wanted - so he ignored her except on those occasions when it was politically correct for him to act like a “Daddy.” Rene knew the difference almost immediately and never did feel any sort of close bond with her father. I was disappointed in him and did my best to make sure my baby knew she was loved by at least one of her parents. Just knowing that our peanut wouldn't have to suffer that same deprivation was a source of great relief and happiness.
I'm sure my contentedness with my marriage and new life was helping me along with my pregnancy as well. My doctor was continually pleased at how healthy I was managing to remain and that I was gaining weight very slowly and steadily rather than ballooning like some of his younger patients. He continued to urge me to stay off my feet as much as possible, and between his urgings and Sydney's outright pamperings, I had little choice but to comply.
That beautiful rainbow-colored caftan that Miss Parker had insisted on buying for me weeks ago had now become my favorite piece of clothing, something that my husband's unofficial “daughter” hadn't failed to notice. She would tease me a little about not having wanted to buy it in the first place every time she came over to visit and found me wearing it. I had begun to cherish that quiet time in the afternoon when she tended to choose to visit, not so much for my sake but for hers in getting a much-needed chance to shed the brittle shell of her public façade. Now that the time was approaching for Rene's scheduled visit, I was hoping that my daughter and my husband's “daughter” would get along well. I had come to love the vulnerable and affection-starved girl almost as much as my own girl, even though there was a full ten years difference in their ages. My fondest wish - besides having a healthy baby in August - now was that both women would begin to feel a part of this rather unorthodox family, and accept each other on somewhat sisterly terms.
Even Jarod, oddly enough, had maintained a regular routine of contact with us as well after that first, surprising, visit. It never failed that when Sydney would be required to spend a long weekend away from home at the Centre for whatever reason, Jarod would make an appearance on the evening of his return. At practically the very moment Joe - the sweeper Miss Parker had assigned to keep me company in Sydney's absence - would take off, leaving Sydney and me alone at last, a knock would come at the glass arcadia door to the backyard. After about the third repetition of this pattern, I started to plan for his inevitable visit - the dinner I made that night for my husband would be quite a bit larger than what just the two of us would eat. I now had a pillow and set of bedclothes carefully stored in the office closet for his use - bed clothing that always was folded and put away for me long before Joe could become suspicious about any overnight guests he hadn't known about.
The first couple of times that he appeared in our home on the nights of Sydney's return, he and Sydney retreated to the office and talked until very late while I'd stayed behind reading in the living room. I knew they were obviously tying up loose ends and putting so many of both his and my husband's demons to rest. Both men were always exhausted emotionally by the end of their talk, so I knew the demons must have been fierce ones and was glad that such pain was finally being put to rest. The last few times he'd shown up, however, we all ended up sitting around the kitchen table and talking for hours. He told us tales of his latest “pretend” while Sydney talked of his latest research project and I related some of the latest chemical puzzles that Julia had shipped my way. Jarod's grasp of chemistry was astounding - and he could see ways through those puzzles that would have taken me weeks to figure out. Both Jarod and I could find new and interesting facets to the psychological research Sydney was doing, and we would discuss the best way to investigate this tendency or that within the scope of the ongoing project. Sydney could offer insights into the psychological dynamics that had played a role in Jarod's pretends, with my chiming in from time to time with a woman's perspective - and slowly we seemed to be helping him understand the why's behind the mechanics of human interaction.
As I had come to be quite fond and more than a little protective of this unofficial “son” of ours, I openly questioned both him and my husband one night about whether the time might come when he and Miss Parker could be brought into the family fold together. Neither Sydney nor Jarod looked very optimistic about the prospect, and both of them let me know that IF such a thing were to happen, there could be no predicting her reaction. Evidently Jarod had dropped away from the Centre's ability to track him quite a while back, and Miss Parker was one of the people with whom he'd severed contact completely. I very quietly decided, right then and there, that I would start working on Miss Parker. I would begin very carefully probing her dedication to this now-stymied and suspended “hunt” for Jarod - seeing whether she could be convinced to consider our home as neutral ground where the hunt could be suspended for a time.
The Saturday dawned that would see my Rene come home to me, and Sydney finally laughed out loud as I fairly bounced off of walls in my excitement and anticipation. Our peanut joined in the joy, jumping strongly and often until I finally sat down in the passenger seat of Sydney's comfortable town car and HAD to practice patience. Sydney and I talked non-stop all the way to Dover, running through our plans for our two weeks' time with Rene - everything we wanted to do and places we wanted to take her. I think he was starting to get as excited by her pending arrival as I was. He hadn't seen her since the two of us had left her behind when we came here and she headed off to school again. But the two of them had spoken often by telephone in the months since then and formed a bond that I knew would only strengthen further as they got to know each other better.
The airport wasn't that big, and I clung to Sydney's arm as we made our way to the gate and waited for the passengers of the commuter jet to disembark. And then I saw her, dark glasses in place against the early afternoon sun - and then she was through the gate and I could put my arms around my beautiful daughter. "It's so good to see you!" I bubbled and leaned up to kiss her cheek just beneath her glasses, but I wasn't ready to feel her flinch the moment I touched her face. I pushed back a bit - now I could see the red that extended from beneath the sunglasses. "My God, Rene! What happened?" I demanded, reaching up and slowly removing the sunglasses to reveal a rather vivid shiner on the left side of her face.
"I ran into my father yesterday," was all she would say before hugging me tightly and then pushing away so that she could get a hug from Sydney, who was waiting patiently for his turn. "It's nothing, really..."
"Your father did this to you?" Sydney didn't sound much more willing to drop the subject than I wanted to be. As a matter of fact, he sounded downright protective and offended. He didn't release her much faster than I had either, and he had turned her face with very careful and gentle fingers at her chin to get a better look at the bruising with dark honey eyes filled with brooding.
Rene just shook her head. "Not here and not now, please? Let's just be happy that I'm here with you both, OK?" She then looked me up and down, a smile making its way across her face again. "From the looks of things, Mom, Delaware must agree with you."
"Oh yeah," I agreed, then looked at my husband. "It more than agrees with me." I took her hand then and let myself feel the happiness of having my girl back with me again. "We have a hide-a-bed for you in the office - I'm afraid the guest room is in the process of being re-done as a nursery..."
"Do I get to help with finishing touches?" Rene looked across me at Sydney, who merely shrugged at her.
Evidently he too had decided to enjoy the moment. "Did you honestly think you were going to get OUT of helping?" he smiled back at her. "I still have the crib to put together - and the number of parts is downright daunting!"
"Well, let me get settled in, and then let me at it!" she laughed, and I breathed a sigh of relief that I had Rene here with me, safe and relatively sound, again. I hadn't realized how incomplete I had been with her so far away from me, even though I was more than content with my life here as it was.
Sydney wrapped his arm around my shoulder while she stepped forward to the baggage carousel to await and then claim her bags. "Her father hits women?" he asked me very quietly.
"If he gets angry enough, yes," I admitted, not wanting to think of what must have passed between Jake and Rene to have resulted in that bruise. Their relationship had been rocky since long before the divorce - but this was a decided turn for the worse yet.
I could almost feel the distress growing in him. "Did he ever hit you?" he asked even more quietly.
"Yes." It was a tiny word, but oh how it hurt to admit. Thank God he didn't seem to make the connection between the baby I'd lost so long ago and this new and evidently disturbing knowledge about my ex-husband's temper.
His arm tightened around me then as he pulled me into a more encompassing embrace. "I have a real problem with men who take out their anger on their women with their fists," he growled, obviously watching Rene protectively.
I sighed and loved him even more yet for wanting to help me protect my daughter. Still... "My love, let it go. He's back there, and we're here. He can't get to me here," I reminded him as I leaned into him and put my arms around his waist in an answering hug.
"But he CAN get to Rene when she's at school, it seems - and THAT bothers the hell out of me," he insisted unhappily, then let go of me to step forward and take first one and then the other of the bags my daughter had brought with her. From his tone of voice with his next words, however, it seemed he was going to set aside the entire topic for the time being and work at being upbeat. "C'mon, Rene, your chariot awaits," he announced and took off, leading the way through the parking lot.
"Fantastic!" Rene settled the dark glasses back on her face, almost entirely hiding the injury to her face, and then wrapped her arm through mine as we stepped forward to follow him. "I've so missed you, Mom!"
"I've missed you too, Poppet! I've been so looking forward to your visit..."
"Don't let her fool you. She's been so excited earlier that I thought she was going to jump out of her skin this morning," my husband piped up with a mischievous smirk back over his shoulder in my direction.
"Tattletale," I pouted at him and then hugged her arm close to me with my hand over hers. Just then, our peanut decided to put in her two cents and kicked at where Rene's arm lay close to my abdomen. "And you cut that out too in there," I said, giving my bulge a pat. "Just because you're your Papa's pet already..."
Rene's steps hesitated, and her eyes met mine. "That was a strong kick, Mom..."
"She's just telling you hello," I interpreted easily.
"A girl?" My daughter's smile was spreading again. She gazed up at Sydney's back. "You're going to be surrounded by women, you poor man."
He dropped the bags at the trunk of the car and gave her a quintessentially European shrug while digging in his pockets for his car keys. "Ah well," he sighed with a touch of the melodramatic, "It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it - and I think I can handle it OK." He grinned at her and then turned to unlock the doors and pop the trunk with the push of two buttons on the key.
Rene climbed into the back seat behind me and leaned forward. "Have I told you lately how much I approve of your current choice in men?" she laughed gaily. "His sense of humor is delightful!"
I smiled at Sydney as he climbed into the driver's seat next to me. "I agree, Poppet, but I think I qualify as biased now..."
"Biased about what?" he asked, turning the key in the ignition.
"You, my love," I told him and leaned in to deposit a kiss on his cheek then shot a grin into the back seat, which was answered by another chuckle from that quarter.
"Newlyweds," Rene sighed in mock exasperation.
~~~~~~~~
"You're sure I'm not putting you out?" I heard when Rene turned and looked over at Sydney as he deposited her two bags beneath the window to the far side of the couch in the office.
"Not at all," he assured her. "There's nothing that goes on in here that can't be moved elsewhere in the house while you're here. I just hope that this old hide-a-bed is comfortable enough for you." He smiled at her. "But most importantly, I want you to make yourself completely at home here. This is YOUR home now too, you know." I was glad he told her that - I knew she'd already got the idea from their previous time together and telephone conversations since then, but it was always good to hear it said again in so many words.
I saw the shy and pleased smile that lit Rene's face. "Thanks, I appreciate that," she answered. I knew that she was feeling a little more at home now that she'd been given the tour and seen the pieces we'd so carefully packed from my former home in their new places, blending seamlessly into the way Sydney had arranged his house before. "I really like this room," she told him with a contented sigh, looking around her at the mostly full floor-to-ceiling bookcases and the heavy antique oak desk that sat against the far wall. "There's a room in the library at school that I often go to when I want to study that reminds me of this place - it always gave me a sense of..." she waved her hand in search of the proper words, "...security and roots."
"Back in Lyons, in the days before the war," Sydney began with a soft look on his face, "my father had a study very much like this one." He gave me a rather shy look. "I guess when I finally had the means, I just wanted to have a room like this in my own home so I could feel close to him again. I couldn't replace the books that were lost in the war, but I could start my own collection, as he had. My collection has spread to the living room now, but this..." he looked around him, "sometimes I think I can almost hear him here."
"It FEELS like this is a real home, having a room like this," Rene responded, her eyes glowing. "I always wanted a room like this in my house when I was growing up. I know Mom did the best she could, but she couldn't make our house feel like a HOME until after..." Her words died away - obviously just the thought of her father was enough to dampen her mood after whatever had happened.
I went over to her and put my arm around her shoulder and drew her to sit on the couch that would later open up into her bed. "I think maybe you'd better tell us what happened now, so it can be out in the open and then we can forget it for the rest of your vacation," I urged her quietly. I shot a glance at Sydney, who just nodded and sat down next to me and took my hand in his. When Rene looked at me and then him hesitantly, I patted her shoulder. "C'mon, Poppet. He's halfway across the country from us here."
"Would you rather I leave so you can talk to your Mom in private?" Sydney asked gently before she could say a word.
"No," she looked at him with real gratitude for his solicitude. "You've already seen my face - so it's not a secret..." She looked at me. "You know how he always wanted to know where you were, even after..." She looked down at her hands in her lap. "God, I feel really stupid."
"It's OK," I hugged her. "Just tell us."
"He caught me as I was coming home after my last final," she said in chagrin, "and demanded to know where you'd gone. Evidently he'd gone past your house and seen the new people..."
"What about the restraining order?" I asked in shock, and was distressed when she just shrugged. God only knows how many times he'd violated that order, and she'd just quietly put up with it and never told me about it.
"Restraining order?" Sydney was shocked. "He even has a restraining order on him?"
"Two of them, in fact. He's supposed to stay out of both my neighborhood and Rene's, and leave if either of us ever came into the same business he was in - and never call either of us by phone," I explained quickly. "It was the result of the divorce - things got a bit ugly there for a while..."
"What did you tell him?" he asked her, his brow now curled in very real concern.
"Nothing substantive - and that was the problem," Rene admitted. "I told him that Mom had gotten married again..." she explained, then turned to me. "...and that you'd moved to be with your new husband. When he demanded to know where that was, I told him it was none of his damned business - and that was when..."
"He backhanded you again," I finished for her, and she looked down and nodded. I heard Sydney snort in real anger behind me, and I squeezed his hand to let him know I understood completely. "Did you call the police?"
"I told him that if he didn't leave RIGHT THEN, that I'd call the cops and press charges for assault and battery."
"You should have done it anyway," Sydney growled in a low and dangerous voice.
She looked up at him with eyes swimming with tears. "He's my father," she said simply.
With that, Sydney left my side and went to sit down next to Rene and took her hand in his and held it tightly. "I know he is, ma petite," he told her gently, "but that's only a matter of biology. You didn't deserve this abuse - and you will forgive me if I get a little irate at the thought of anybody getting away with abusing a member of MY family."
"Sydney's right, Poppet," I joined my voice to his. "He's gotten away with this - or worse - far too often." I avoided looking at Sydney, because he had looked up very sharply at my words. I didn't want to have to answer his questions - Rene was my main concern right now. "We both got those restraining orders for very good reasons. He has to learn to live with the terms and conditions or suffer the consequences."
"Anyway, that's what happened." Rene obviously preferred we let the subject of both her father and what he'd done dropped entirely. "It's just a bruise, it will heal in not too long. I just want to forget it ever happened and enjoy my time here."
"I'll let this go and never mention it again if you promise me one thing," I told her firmly, hugging her again. "If he EVER comes anywhere near you again..."
"I want you to call us," Sydney broke in with a voice gruff and dangerous. "No matter what the time - you CALL us. You don't have to face this alone anymore, and I do have some resources that could be called upon in emergencies."
Now it was MY turn to look sharply at my husband. It wasn't often that he exposed that very dark and dangerous shadow side to his nature - something that he'd only shown to me once before, while filling in Joe the sweeper about what he wanted to happen in case I was bothered again by Lyle. I could now see that this was the way he got when those he cared for were threatened. I don't think I'd ever considered what it would mean for someone to have my husband as an enemy.
I didn't know, and I really didn't WANT to know, what those resources of his might entail. But the idea that he was willing and ready to bring these unnamed but probably Centre-related forces to bear in Rene's defense made my heart swell with gratitude anyway, despite my real reservations regarding the kind of resources to which he was referring.
"Yes, you call us, like Sydney said," I added to his terms, "but I want you to promise me that you'll call the police, even though you feel terrible about it. Poppet, one of these days, he's really going to hurt you - and I'm too far away to help you from here." I let her see how upset I really was that Jake had gotten violent with her. "Promise me!"
"I promise, Mom," she agreed at last, laying her head on my shoulder and wrapping her arm around my back. "I'm just glad I'm a long ways away from him." I held her close over my heart and noted that she was still clinging to Sydney's hand too. Our eyes met over her head, and I felt vindicated knowing that he was as worried about her safety as I was.
~~~~~~~~
As good as her word, as soon as she'd finished settling into the office, Rene found herself sitting on the floor in the half-finished nursery with a truly amazed look on her face as Sydney upended the cardboard box that held the pieces of the crib. He dumped the three bags of metal and plastic hardware that supposedly held the piece of furniture together out onto the floor and set the ungainly box aside. Against one wall, the four sides of the crib were stacked neatly, and the mattress leaned against the wall next to them. "Where are the instructions?" she asked him, scratching her head and picked up a bag at random and looked at its contents.
"This is all I could find," he said, handing her a piece of paper covered in just about ever other human language on the globe EXCEPT English, French or German - the three languages that stood a reasonably decent chance of being understood by somebody in this house. He'd showed me the so-called “directions” not long after we'd gotten the box home, and we'd had a short discussion on which way to just hold the paper until we'd found a printed number on the diagram to use as reference. "Do you read any of those?" Sydney pointed to the obviously Asian scripts.
Rene sputtered in surprise. "Oh, sure - of course I do," she replied, twisting the paper this way and that, obviously trying to figure out which way was right-side up just as we had. "And if you believe THAT..." she looked up at him with a huge grin, "...there's some swampland in Florida you might just be interested in..."
I leaned against the doorjamb and giggled at the look on his face - he was getting a much clearer picture of my daughter's considerable talent to play the clown. "Do you think we could work just from the diagram?" he got down on his knees and then with a grunt sat down on the floor next to her.
Rene looked from the directions to Sydney and back, her grin dying just a little. "We can try," she told him. "We're intelligent people, you and I - we've both had medical training - you'd think we wouldn't be so overwhelmed by this."
"Right. Your medical training is just starting, and mine is as rusty as the Titanic at the bottom of the ocean," Sydney quipped back. My smile grew. Good. They had begun to be able to banter with each other rather outrageously not long before we had left for Delaware - it looked as if they were getting ready to pick up right where they left off. "That's not very encouraging," he was continuing.
"Oh, c'mon, Sydney! Where's your sense of adventure? What's the worst that could happen? That we'd screw up and have to start over?"
"We DO want to have this done sometime before your vacation ends, you know..."
"I think I'm going to go get supper started," I told them then with a hearty chuckle. I figured I'd better make my escape before any real damage had been done or before I started laughing so hard at their antics I couldn't stop.
"Uh-oh, she's leaving," Rene leaned conspiratorially toward Sydney. "We're gonna be on our own. We're doomed without a supervisor, you know..."
"She trusts us," he told her then looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye and a wide smile. "Poor innocent, she'll learn..."
"Now wait just a minute. You two did just fine packing up my household not that long ago," I reminded them from the doorway, remembering the very efficient and cooperative way that the three of us had gone through my entire house. It had taken them not very long to sort that which was going to be shipped and that which was going to be stored from that which was going to be thrown away. "So I think I have good reason to have faith in your abilities to handle a simple crib now, don't you?"
I walked over and bent down with a grunt of my own to claim a kiss from my husband and then waved at them both to start down the stairs. I could hear the banter already starting up again behind me.
"A simple crib, she says."
"You never know, Rene - I've learned it never pays to underestimate your mother. If she were in any shape to get down here on the floor with us, she might just be able to figure this out without our help."
I chortled softly and made my way to the kitchen. As I worked on the vegetables for the salad and making gravy, I occasionally heard laughter filtering down the stairs - sometimes Rene's, and sometimes Sydney's. I closed my eyes at one point and breathed in the gentle sense of completeness that had permeated the house, then put my hand on our peanut as she moved steadily. This was happiness of a sort I'd only dreamed of for years - a happiness that had now reached out and embraced my daughter too.
When they came downstairs at my call to eat, Rene came into the kitchen shaking her head at Sydney. "You're going to have to do better than that, or my little sister is going to run you into the ground in a few years!"
Sydney shook his finger at her, his smile belying the scolding gesture. "You, young lady, are just entirely too feisty for having traveled half-way across the continent today."
"Ah," I piped up, setting the platter of sliced roast on the table, "but the real question is: were you two successful, or is the crib still in several large and tiny pieces on the floor?"
"Still in several large and tiny pieces on the floor," Rene admitted with a chagrined look.
"...but the large pieces are larger than they were before, and there aren't quite as many tiny ones anymore," Sydney finished for her, and I saw their gazes meet comfortably.
"See?" I asked, sitting down and beginning to pass the platter of meat, "I knew my faith in you two wasn't misplaced..."
When Sydney and Rene looked at each other in astonishment and then burst into full-out laughter, I began to wonder whether they really DID need a supervisor...
Eventually it took all three of us the rest of the evening after supper to decipher the diagram and get the crib assembled, and I don't think I'd ever laughed quite so hard before in my life. I was grateful that I had the rocking chair that Sydney had purchased for me only a few days ago to sit in when my sides started to ache. If either my husband or daughter had felt any lingering shyness or hesitancy around the other, I was sure those hours of light-hearted work had done them in for good.
Rene wouldn't hear of my helping her make up the hide-a-bed for her, and she gave me my goodnight's kiss at the office door. But what made me smile in contentment was the way she then walked right up to and claimed a hug and a kiss goodnight from Sydney too - as if doing so was a normal occurrence. I think she startled him with her easy familiarity, because he suddenly had a very intense look on his face as he held my daughter close and then gently kissed her cheek below her bruises. "Goodnight, ma petite," he told her in that low voice that he used when his emotions were high, "I'm glad you're home with us, safe and sound."
"I am too," I heard her say as she leaned against him in a way she'd never once had a chance - much less wanted - to lean on her father. "Goodnight, Dad." I heard Sydney catch his breath. "You don't mind, do you?" Rene asked very softly, as if suddenly hesitant after all the familiarity of the evening.
"On the contrary, I feel very honored," he told her in a voice that was even more gruff with barely restrained emotions. "Very honored!" I saw him kiss the top of her head very gently and then release her with another "Goodnight, ma petite," so she could go in and close the door for privacy. His dark honey eyes were glowing when he came over to join me at the doorway of our bedroom.
"C'mon, Dad, time to turn in," I told him as he enfolded me in his arms tightly.
"My God!" he sighed, leaning his chin on the top of my head. "I feel like I've just been handed the world."
I smiled against him. "Thank you," I said as I wrapped my arms around him in return.
"For what? Finally getting the crib together? YOU were the brains behind that..."
"No," I chuckled, then sobered. "For being the kind of father to my Rene that she's always deserved."
"I almost feel like I'm stealing her from your ex," he commented, shaking his head in disbelief.
"Trust me, my love, you can't steal something like that," I told him with a squeeze. "Jake never appreciated Rene at all - he wanted a son, and she wasn't a boy - and you saw the results of how he treated her the last time they were together. You, on the other hand, have never treated her with anything BUT the kind of respect and fondness she's needed very badly for a very long time. You didn't steal her, you won her."
His hands came up and pressed themselves warmly against my face and turned my eyes to meet his. "Cat, I don't know what caused you to apply for that damned research project back when," he said in that low voice that always made my knees weak, "but I give thanks for it, because you've given me the one thing I've always wanted - a family of my own. You're giving me our peanut, and now a beautiful daughter that I truly wish WERE mine. You've even given me back the children that weren't really mine to begin with. I don't know how to even begin to..."
"I love you," was the only response I could give him - he that had given me so much.
He pulled me into the bedroom and closed the door with his foot as he lowered his lips to mine and set my pulse racing. "God how I love you," he told me as he dropped kisses of fire down my throat, and I ran my hands across his chest to sweep aside the suspenders and began working the buttons on his shirt. We didn't go to sleep for quite a while after that, but when we did, we both rested well. After all, I could hardly fail to rest well with my husband curled along my back with his huge hands holding our unborn baby and me to him and the memory of his passionate embrace still fresh in my mind.
The next morning dawned bright and warm - which was just as well, for Sydney and I had invited the Broots' and Parker over for dinner so that the bulk of our Delaware family could meet my grown daughter. I was leaving it up to the men to take care of the meat when the time came - Sydney assured me that he and Broots were up to the job. I had almost everything else on hand so that I could work on the rest of the meal throughout the day, and Parker had promised to bring dessert with her.
At about lunchtime, I answered my doorbell to find Broots and Debbie arriving early - but bearing lunch makings with them. Debbie's eyes began to sparkle when she was introduced to Rene. "Looks like the girls are going to outnumber the guys today for a change," she observed coyly.
"The girls are going to outnumber the guys in this house all the time in about four months anyway," Rene responded with a mischievous grin in Sydney's direction.
"Like I told you at the airport, cheri, that's nothing a real man can't handle," my husband quipped back at her immediately, earning himself a chuckle from the girls and a slightly amazed stare from Broots. "You might as well decide to enjoy and join in the ridiculous, Broots my friend," Sydney chuckled himself at his friend's expression. "Now that Rene's here, it gets pretty thick and flies fairly frequently."
"OK," Broots replied, still sounding a little reserved, but I could see from the quiet smile on his lips that it wouldn't be long before he would be participating fully - and it wasn't.
The first surprise of the afternoon came when Parker arrived - with her three-year-old half-brother in tow. I saw her eyes seek out Sydney's as I let her into the house after she explained the toddler in her arms to me. "I hope you don't mind," she said, obviously watching his reaction. "It's just that this is such a family occasion, and he hasn't..."
"We don't mind, do we?" I asked, making my own position clear by putting out my hands to take the little one from her and then turning to my husband with the baby in my arms.
His grey eyebrows had climbed halfway up to where his hairline used to be. "Raines will be furious when he finds out you've taken him from the Centre. There will be serious repercussions for this, Parker," he reminded her softly, making a chill run down my spine. This darling little boy in my arms was a permanent inmate of the Centre?
"It's possible," she admitted gently, "but he deserves some kind of family life too, Syd. Besides, I've... been taking him with me on weekends sometimes lately anyway - this little outing isn't the first time I've taken him out of the Centre, and Raines knows this." She was standing up to my husband, but also was openly pleading for understanding support from him. "If it comes to that, I'll take all the heat, I promise, and keep it away from Cathy and Peanut. But he's just a little boy, Sydney, and he deserves to have a little fun with a real family once in a while..."
I could see Sydney relenting even as she spoke; and when he came close to me and wrapped one of his huge hands around the toddler's head, I knew she'd already won. "What did they name him finally?" he asked.
"They didn't," Parker's voice had a bitter edge to it. "I did." She moved to help the little one take off his sweater. "His name is Jacob Thomas," she announced with pride. I gaped - and I could see that she knew exactly what she'd done, and what it would mean to my husband.
When Sydney's dark honey eyes caught at mine briefly, I could see the same level of emotion in them as he'd had just the evening before. Slowly he put out his hands and took the boy from me. "Jacob?" he repeated with a slowly widening grin, pulling the little tee shirt down back into place from the shift in perch. He turned a warm gaze on her. "Thank you, Parker." His voice was again low with emotion.
Little Jacob must not have been used to being handled by men, for he reached out for Parker with a whimpered, "Sissy..."
"Hush, you're OK..." Parker soothed with a hand on his back. "This is your... Uncle Sydney and Aunt Cathy. Can't you say hello?"
Little Jacob turned very dark and wary eyes to my husband. "Unkoh Sydney?" He looked back at his sister for confirmation. Parker nodded at him with a smile.
"Hello, Jacob," Sydney purred at the little one, bringing the child's attention around again to the man who held him.
"Hello there, Jacob," I stepped up close and put a comforting hand at his back. But I could see that my husband and his deep voice were far more fascinating, so I smiled and held out my arms to hug Parker in welcome instead. "I want you to meet someone," I told her and showed her where Rene and Debbie had retreated to the dining table for animated girl talk. "Parker, this is my daughter Rene. Rene, I'd like you to meet Parker."
Rene stood and walked over to us. "Mom has told me a lot about you," she said and held out her hand. "I'm glad to meet you at last."
"She's told me a lot about you too," Parker took Rene's hand in hers. "I've been looking forward to getting a chance to know you."
"Hey, Miss Parker!" Debbie chirped and then swooped in for a hug from one of her favorite people. "About time you got here."
"Hey yourself," Parker responded with a tight hug. Rene grinned at me, and I could see that her assessment of the new arrival was so far a positive one.
"Rene and I've been talking - sit down and join us," Debbie pleaded, pulling at the woman.
"I'd love to, but I don't want Jacob to feel..." Parker turned and checked on the toddler, who seemed very contented and still fascinated with Sydney for the moment and now had Broots talking to him too.
"He's fine, Parker," I soothed her. "Sydney will take good care of him, you know that."
"Jacob?" Debbie gazed up at her friend in confusion.
"My little brother," Parker told her, then looked at Rene. "I figured since this was a regular family reunion of sorts, I'd bring him. He doesn't get to come to such things often..."
Rene looked over at Sydney and then back at Parker, grinning in mischief. "Besides, Sydney could use all the practice with little kids he can get anyway, don't you agree?"
"I..." I could see Parker beginning to smirk at the idea, and then she chuckled aloud. "You gotta admit she has a point, Cathy," she finally said to me.
"Do any of you see me objecting?" I replied, throwing my hands up in mock surrender.
"No, but I see you're wearing that caftan again." This time it was Parker's turn to grin at me with her grey eyes twinkling in mischief.
"Oh, don't you start..."
"She didn't want to buy it the day I took her shopping for maternity clothes," Parker leaned toward Rene confidentially, "but I could see that she loved it. So I just made sure it came home with her anyway. And now I rarely see her in anything else..."
Rene looked up at me and laughed out loud at the idea of my needing to be talked into buying such a garment, Debbie giggled at this continuation of a favorite family in-joke, Parker smirked at me again, and even I had to smile.
After that point on, the afternoon seemed to just fly by. Parker brought in a collection of toys from her car for little Jacob when he got tired of having Sydney hold him. Broots and Sydney began one of their many chess games at the dining table with Jacob playing with his cars and planes noisily around them or at their feet. We girls settled in either the kitchen or on the patio outside - the arcadia door was opened and only the screen prevented the springtime insect world from invading the kitchen without barring the fresh air and scent of flowers from Sydney's rose garden. One or more of us would be puttering with food preparation for the meal to come while the others sat and chatted.
Ultimately, Rene and Parker ended up outside on the lawn chairs talking quietly while Debbie and I stayed behind in the kitchen. Once Jacob had located his sister outside, he wanted out too - and his cries of sheer delight at having a whole big backyard to run and play in even brought Sydney and Broots from their game to watch for a bit. The fresh air and exercise had an effect on Jacob eventually, though, and when he crashed it was on Parker's lap as she continued in her discussion with Rene. The sight of the three-year-old curled up on Parker's lap with a thumb in his mouth, fast asleep, caused me to summon the men again and point it out to them. I led them to the arcadia door with a finger to my lips so their being made privy to the moment could remain a secret, and then smiled when Sydney put his arm around me and whispered into my ear, "Quite the family we have here, Cat..." I wrapped my arm around his waist and held him back
Later on, Sydney and Broots took a break in their game to move outside and start the grill. Jacob roused on his sister's lap when the sizzle and savory smells from the cooking meat became tantalizing. Broots lifted the boy up and carried him over so that he could observe from a safe distance while his "Unkoh" tended the meat, getting a gentle lecture about the fire being hot and dangerous from both men.
Dinner was almost ready when I heard the doorbell ring. Setting Debbie to finishing with the garlic bread, I wiped my hands on a towel and went to answer it - and gaped. Looking just as if he'd just stepped out of the frame on Sydney's mantle, Nicholas Stamatis smiled at me as he looked me up and down, his eyes eventually landing first on the bulge in my stomach and then back on my face. "You must be my father's Cathy."
"And you must be my husband's Nicholas," I grinned back and pulled him into the house and into a hug. "My God - we weren't expecting you before May."
"I ended up having to come to Dover unexpectedly and thought I'd drop by for a little bit." The young man looked around the house, hearing the sounds of happy voices coming from the back. "I'm not interrupting, am I?" Yes, this was most definitely Sydney's son - he had Sydney's eyes and tone when he was unsure of things.
"You're not interrupting at all - as a matter of fact, you couldn't have picked a better time to come," I assured him and laced my hand into the crook of his elbow. "C'mon. We've got enough food here to feed an army - another place at the table isn't going to hurt us at all." I dragged him through the house and out the arcadia door. "Sydney, just look what showed up on our doorstep..."
"Hi, Dad," Nicholas said softly.
"Nicholas!" Sydney cried and set the meat fork aside to rush forward and throw his arms around his son. "What a wonderful surprise! How..."
"I had to come to Dover to handle a small matter for the university, and I came a day early so I could stop by here and at least visit a bit." Nicholas pounded his father on the back heartily. "I didn't expect to end up crashing a party..."
"Nonsense - you couldn't have picked a better time," Sydney was now positively glowing. "I see you've already met my Cat - Cathy - so let me introduce you to the others." I summoned Debbie from the kitchen so that she too could be introduced, and saw how she turned coy and almost shy at the sight of such a handsome younger man. Sydney then introduced first Rene and then Parker with a look of very paternal pride - and Parker in turn introduced her little brother. Jacob immediately lifted his arms so that this new and tall man could hoist him in the air - which Nicholas did with an easy laugh and a high swing that had the little boy squealing in glee. Finally he shook hands with Broots, who had taken over the meat-tending duties while Sydney performed his introductions.
I looked around the backyard with real contentment. THIS was our family - and quite a case of “yours, mine and ours” it was. There was only one missing face, as far as I was concerned - and I suddenly wished with all my heart that by some twist of fate, Jarod could find his way to our doorstep too that day. Peanut moved inside me, and I knew that she was feeling my contentment and my longing. Suddenly I was so very tired - tired of all the things that were preventing these people I'd come to love so much from being the family I'd come to want more than almost anything in the world.
Parker saw me massage the top of my belly and then turn back to the kitchen, and she followed me. "Are you OK?" she asked with a gentle touch on my shoulder.
"Of course I am, my dear," I turned to her, realizing that if I wanted to speak to her at all, now was the time. We were alone, and there was no pressure. "I... was just wishing..."
"What?" She pulled out a kitchen chair and steered me into it carefully, as if she thought I was suddenly fragile.
"I really do need to talk to you, and I don't know how to begin," I finally admitted with a futile wave of the hand.
"Just say it," she suggested as she sat down with me. "Sometimes being direct really can be the best way."
"Alright," I said, then paused to try to put my thoughts into a coherent statement. "I know I may be stepping where I'm not welcome here - and you're welcome to tell me if I am - but I have to wonder..."
"Cathy," she ground out in mild exasperation, "for God's sake, just spit it out."
I took a deep breath. "You know how Sydney feels about you..."
I knew their relationship over the past months had grown quite close - something Sydney had very quietly rejoiced over. "Yes..." Her brows furled, she wasn't following my train of thought yet.
"And you know how he feels about Jarod?"
The beautiful grey eyes grew just a little wary. "I have a fair idea," she admitted carefully. "He did raise him, after all..."
I nodded. "So the question comes down to whether or not, if the situation ever occurred, you would be willing to..."
"Look away?" she asked quietly.
"Not exactly," I replied. "Jarod is a part of this crazy family too, Parker, as much as you are. Now I know that you and Sydney and Broots used to be working on bringing him back to the Centre, but..."
Parker gave me a sharp look and then sighed. "How much has Syd told you - about Jarod, about what we used to do for the Centre?" she asked suddenly.
"Most all of it now." I made my voice as non-judgmental as I could.
I was certain my answer - and the fact that I seemed unfazed by what she was alluding to - wasn't what she'd been expecting. "Then you know that the hunt for Jarod has been suspended - that we've all been reassigned?"
"Yes," I admitted as I looked down at my hands, and then took a deep breath and looked her straight in the eye. "But that's only because there has been no clue to Jarod's whereabouts, correct?"
"Right." I could see she was starting to catch on, for she drew closer to me and whispered, "My God, Cathy! Have YOU seen or heard from him?"
I continued to look her straight in the eye. "What if I said I had?"
That shocked her into silence. If Sydney hadn't told me what he knew of the history between Jarod and Miss Parker, I don't think I would have caught the very fleeting expression of hurt and...was it jealousy?...that flit behind those calm grey eyes at the news. "Does Syd know?" she asked further, her voice very soft.
What I really needed to ask her would answer her question, and with that I knew the time had come to lay my cards on the table. "What would you do, Miss Parker, if one day you came here to visit and he was here already - or if he came while you were here?" She looked at me in shock, and I pressed on firmly. "Would you pull your gun and haul him back to the Centre... in front of me, or peanut, or Rene?"
"Cathy..."
I looked at her as steadily as I could. "Just answer the question. What would you do?"
"I honestly don't know," she finally admitted, sitting back and looking back at me with eyes that were vulnerable and hurt. "By all rights, my job would be to take him back in - but..." She ran her fingers through her hair in what looked like frustration as she too needed to search for the right way to say things. "The truth is that we were good friends when I was young, and then... things changed... I changed. But no matter how badly I treated him, he didn't give up on me, until the day that he just... stopped... being there. I don't know if Sydney knew, but he used to call me at home late at night..." She looked at me guiltily. "And I didn't always report the calls like I was supposed to. My world was slowly imploding then, and sometimes it was because Jarod would tell me things... He hasn't called me in a very long time." She sighed and looked out the arcadia screen at the group outside. "I miss him sometimes."
I put out my hand to grasp one of hers. "I'm not surprised. If it helps at all, he still speaks fondly of you, and with some regret for your lost friendship."
"But why doesn't he call anymore?" she asked plaintively. "What did I do?"
"I honestly don't know, sweetheart," I soothed. "Maybe, if you could let this house be a sort of neutral territory - where the Centre can't touch any of us, and that damned hunt doesn't exist - you might get a chance to ask him someday."
I saw a faint glimmer of hope flash in her glance before Debbie came through the screen door to go back to her garlic bread with little Jacob trailing along in search of his sister. "Sissy, you OK?" the little boy asked as Parker hauled him up into her lap. His little hands stroked her face gently. "Not sad?"
"No, Jakie. I'm not sad," Parker told him, pulling him close and dropping a sweet kiss onto the top of his head as her grey eyes spoke eloquently to me. I smiled at her and nodded faintly, knowing that this was as close as I was going to get to a definitive answer for now. I knew better, and I knew I knew better. I had done what I could now and would have to be content with leaving it at that until the situation actually arose.
"Aunt Caffy," Jacob continued, now looking at me, "Unkoh Sydney said the meat's ready soon."
I smiled at our little messenger. "And you're a good boy to remember what Uncle Sydney told you. You want to help me set the table?"
"Can I?" he turned in his sister's arms in excitement.
"Go for it," his sister urged him with a wide smile to me. "I'll help Debbie get the rest of the food served up."
I got to my feet and headed for the cupboards. "Here, Jacob. You bring the napkins, while I bring the silver." Together we got the table set, with Jacob learning quickly from the example I gave him and then copying it at each place. Sydney brought the platter with the steaks into the table just as we finished, and the family - OUR family - quickly gathered round.
~~~~~~~~
After the dinner had been cleaned away, the entire group had headed for the living room, where Sydney had built a nice fire in the fireplace to keep us toasty while we all sat around and talked. Sydney and I ended up at one end of his long leather couch - I had landed there after supper with a tired little boy while the other girls cleaned. I think I will always hold dear the expression on Jacob's face as he felt the baby move in my stomach and suddenly understood there was another whole person there. When Sydney finally sat down next to me after building the fire, Jacob had crawled into his "Unkoh's" lap - which was far more roomy and comfortable than his Aunt's - and promptly fallen fast asleep. Debbie had sprawled on the floor in front of the fire after helping pick up Jacob's toys, with her father in one easy chair and Parker in the other. Nicholas and Rene had eventually found the other end of our couch.
Eventually, however, Broots had packed Debbie home so she could rest before school the next day, and Parker had carefully rescued Sydney from a dead to the world Jacob after giving my husband a very fond peck on the cheek for his patience with the boy. "Feel free to bring him anytime, Parker," Sydney told her when he escorted them to the door, then gave Jacob a gentle kiss and Parker a fond and tight hug before letting her escape completely.
Rene helped me make up a bed on the living room couch for Nicholas, and then spoke quietly to Sydney recommending that he take me to bed before I fell in. I got a very nice hug from Nicholas, of whom I could tell I would quickly grow fond, and then let my husband put his arm around me and help me up the stairs. Rene turned out the lights behind us, then claimed her own hugs and kisses before disappearing back into the office for the night.
"Are you feeling OK?" Sydney asked in concern as I let out a tired sigh and sat down on the edge of the bed. "You didn't wear yourself out too much today, did you? You did an awful lot, Cat..."
I rubbed the tight bulge that was our peanut and sighed as she boisterously tumbled yet again into my bladder. "I'm tired, yes - but happy," I answered him. "I don't think this house has been this full for a very long time."
Sydney chuckled. "We were quite a mob today, weren't we?" I could see that he was still glowing from the comaraderie of the day, and I held out a hand to him.
"We have a rather large family between us now, my love. You've become quite the patriarch." I drew him down next to me and put his hand on the active bulge that was our bounding peanut. "But I think Peanut and I have just about had all the excitement we need for a while."
He spread that big hand of his across my tummy and put his other arm around me and pulled me into a gentle embrace. He was quiet for a very long time, just holding me very close. I knew his heart was full, and he was still absorbing the very real family ties - real and created from whole cloth - that had been coalescing all around us and him that afternoon and evening. Rene had felt no reservation about calling him “Dad” in front of everyone, and Debbie had suddenly picked up on little Jacob's calling him "Uncle" and me "Aunt" - much to Parker's and Broots' amusement. I wondered briefly if he had noticed how Rene and Nicholas had gravitated together as the evening had worn on - and decided to just let things take their own course without comment.
"It all seems like a dream sometimes," he said softly into my hair eventually. "I keep having this nightmare that I wake up and find that all of this was nothing but my imagination playing cruel tricks on me. My idea of Hell, lately, is that everything that makes my life worth living for me now is a fantasy and you nothing more than the memory of a research subject for whom I did the final interview." His arm tightened around me. "I've spent my whole life wishing for something like this - I don't think I could live without you anymore, Cat. I don't think I'd want to."
I felt our peanut push gently into her father's hand, like she did most nights when he held her that way, and I put my head on his chest. "I don't think I could live without you either, my love," I told him gently. "You are my life now, my world."
"God, I love you!" He bent his head so that his lips could capture mine in a sweet and loving kiss that touched me to my soul and then let me go so I could get ready for bed. After helping me get into my nightgown, he climbed into bed next to me and pulled me to him so that my head was pillowed on his chest and he could hold both me and our peanut. His hand at my back moving slowly up and down my spine was soothing, helping tired muscles relax - and the sound of his heart and breathing beneath my ear was incredibly calming to me. I could feel the baby gently pressing against her father's hand. It was an incredibly tender and very private moment for the three of us.
Yes, Spring HAD come to Delaware - and there was the promise of sweet fruit to follow the blossoming. Fragments of family had been drawn together and forged into a whole that was stronger than any of us had expected, with a possibility of that family finally being whole sometime in the future.
I don't think I'd ever been so happy in my life as I was falling asleep safe and secure in my husband's arms that night.
