Three's company/Pretender Crossover Episode
Season 4 Episode 15 "Centre of Controversy."



TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT/LIVING ROOM - DAY


Crissy is setting the table. Jack enters.


Jack: Hi Crissy.

Crissy: Oh hi Jack!

Jack: I see your setting the table.

Crissy: You see very well.

Jack: No, What I mean is your cooking?

Crissy: No silly, I'm setting the table but as soon as I finish I'll go into the kitchen to cook something.

Jack: Gee, I never would have guessed.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS.


Crissy: I've got a date tonight with Jarod and I asked him to come over so I could cook for him.

Jack: Well, thats a nice romantic gesture. What are you going to make?

Crissy: I thought I would start with something simple.

Jack: Like what?

Crissy: Macaroni.

Jack: Crissy, macaroni?

Crissy: I know could you help me make some?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Jack places his hands on her shoulder.


Jack: Look, if you want to do something nice and romantic for Jarod, your going to have to make something with some style,
more pizzazz.

Crissy: Pizzazz?

Jack: Uh, huh.

Crissy: Oh good, where can I get some?!

Jack: No Crissy. I meant with more class.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Crissy becomes confused.


Jack: Never mind. Look, leave it to me and I'll cook a meal both of you will never forget.
Just bring him to my bistro tonight, alright?

Crissy: Oh thanks Jack! Could you?

Jack: Mother may I?

Crissy: Yes you may!


Crissy snorts while she laughs.

The door bell rings. Jack opens it. Its Larry.


Jack: Hey, Larry.

Larry: Jack.

Jack: Come in, come in! Haven't seen you in awhile.

Larry: Well you know since I've been out with Betty I haven't had much time.

Jack: What brings you here?

Larry: She dumped me. Nothing personal Jack, but you know how these things go.

Jack: No problem at all!

Larry: Really?

Jack: Try not to let that happen again, ok?

Larry: Ok. Your a real pal Jack!

Jack: Look, why dont you come down to my restaurant and we'll catch up on old times. What do you say?

Larry: I would Jack. But you know....


Larry taps his shirt pocket.


Larry: (cont) ..times have been a little tough lately.

Jack: Dont worry about it.

Larry: Dont worry? Why thanks Jack!

Jack: You can help with the dishes afterward.

Larry: Jack, your funny. But ok,can you make me that dish you made last time?


Jack nods.

CUT TO:

TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT/KITCHEN - DAY

Sometime later...

Jack and Crissy are in the kitchen making sandwhiches. The doorbell rings.

Jack goes to the door and opens it. Its Mr. And Mrs. Roper.


Mrs. roper: Hi Jack!

Mr. Roper: Jack.

Jack: Oh hi Mr and Mrs. Roper! Please, why dont you come in.

Mr. Roper: That wont be necessary Jack. We wont be staying long.


Crissy walks into the room with a plate of sandwhiches.


Crissy: Oh hi you guys!

Mrs. roper: Hi Crissy!

Mr. Roper..I have a question Jack.

Jack: Shoot.

Mr. Roper: Dont tempt me.

Mrs. Roper: Cool off Stanley. Don't mind him, anything extra he has to give,
I'll make sure he runs it by me first!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Mrs. Roper laughs hysterically.


Mr. Roper: Helen please. Not here. The last thing I want is the rest following your lead.
we've got enough trouble around here as it is.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Mr. Roper turns to the audience and smiles.


Jack: What is it that you wanted to see us about?

Mr. roper: Jack, I have a question and I want you to answer it honestly.


Crissy holds out a plate of sandwhiches to Mrs. Roper.


Mr. Roper: (cont)..and no bologna this time!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Mrs. Roper starts laughing hysterically while pointing to the sandwhiches.


Mr. Roper: Whats the matter?


Mrs. Roper hands a bolonga sandwhich to Mr. Roper.


Mr. Roper: No thanks. You guys wouldn't happen to know where Larry is by any chance?

Jack: Let me guess he's behind on his rent?

Mr. Roper: How did you know?

Jack: He just broke up with his girlfirend and said he'll finally have it for you soon.

Mr. Roper: That's comforting to know. We'll if I dont get to him before you do, just tell him
that I may have to evict if he doesnt get it in sooner!

Jack: I will.

Mr. Roper: Oh, and by the way, I was just recently in his apartment and found several things that are
not allowed in the lease.

Jack: like What?

Mr. Roper: For starters he put in a huge water bed!

Jack: You dont say?

Mr. Roper: Say. He also put up an overheard mirror on the ceiling above the bed, you wouldnt know
anything about that?

Jack: Not in hind sight.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

They all laugh but Mr. Roper.


Mrs. Roper: I dont know about the others but we can certainly use one!

Mr. Roper: Again, Helen, dont give anybody any bright ideas. Especially me. Besides,
y0u should know that I get sea sick when ever there is constant motion.

Mrs. Roper: I know, tell me about it!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

They all laugh except Mr. Roper.


Mr. Roper: Tell him I want to see him? Ok Jack?

Jack: I will. Nice talking to you guys.


Jack closes the door.


CUT TO:


TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT/BEDROOM 2 - NIGHT

Crissy is sitting in her room in front of the mirror. The doorbell rings.



CUT TO:


TWO BEDROOM APARTMENT/LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Meanwhile in the living room...

Janet approaches the door.


Crissy (VO) Janet, can you get that?!

Janet: Do I have too?

Crissy: (VO) Yes!

Janet: Well ok then!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Janet opens the door. Jarod is standing there holding a bouquet of roses.


Janet: How much?

Jarod: Oh, these aren't for sale.

Janet: Oh.

Jarod: They're for Chrissy.

Janet: They are? Oh, please won't you come in!?

Jarod: Jarod.

Janet: My name is Jarod, pleased to meet you!

Janet: I'm Roses!

Jarod: Roses?

Janet: I mean, I'm Janet! Pleased to meet you as well! Here let me take those!


Janet grabs the roses.


Janet (cont) Crissy, someone is here to see you!!


Janet heads into the kitchen with the roses. Crissy comes out.


Crissy: Did she forget her name again?

Jarod: It happens often?

Crissy: Only when I have a date.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Crissy snorts while laughing.

Janet comes back in with the roses in a vase and sets it on the table.


Janet: Look at what he brought you Crissy!

Crissy: Oh, they are just beautiful honey! Thank you!!


Janet, with her back to Jarod....


Janet (whispers) Honey? Now look at who's forgetting names!!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Janet quickly turns herself back toward Jarod and smiles.


Janet: Jarod, I'm so sorry! Please wont you sit down and make yourself comfortable!

Jarod: Thankyou.


Jarod sits on the couch.


Janet: So what do you do for a living?

Jarod: Well, right now I'm a doctor working in a hospital.

Janet: General hospital?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Crissy laughs.


Jarod: No, I'm a doctor in a real hospital.

Janet: You could, you know? So, your a real doctor?

Jarod: At least for the time being.

Janet: Got other plans?

Jarod: You could say that.

Janet: Oh, I just love a man of mystery!

Crissy: Janet, we are going to go out and have dinner tonight.

Jarod: Yes. There is a restaurant in town that makes the best macaroni.

Crissy: You love macaroni?


Jarod nods.


Crissy: Why, so do I!

Jarod: Well Good! We are just going to have a good time then arent we sweetheart?


Crissy and Jarod hug. Janet turns away and forms the word 'sweetheart' with her lips twisted.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Janet turns back toward them smiling.


Janet: Well you guys have a good time then!

Crissy: Jarod?

Jarod:Yes?

Crissy: I kind of already made plans for us tonight.

Jarod: That is so romantic of you sweetheart!

Crissy: It is?


Jarod nods.


jarod: What did you have in mind?

Crissy: You see, I have this friend..and he has this place...you know where they make things...

Jarod: Come on, you can spit it out.


Crissy opens her mouth wide at Jarod and points into it.


Crissy: Spit it out? Do you see anything?


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Janet savors Crissys blonde moment.


Jarod: No, I mean where are we going?

Crissy: Its called.....Jacks Bistro!! Yes, thats it, you get it?!

Jarod: Allons-nous maintenant?


Crissy chuckles and fist bumps his shoulder.


Crissy: You know how to speak Italian?

Jarod: That was French for shall we leave now?


Jarod holds out his arm for her as they leave.

Janet sits down on the couch.


Janet: Fine. dont wait up for me. I'll just be right here!


THE ROPERS APARTMENT/LIVING ROOM - DAY

MR. and Mrs. Roper are sitting on the couch. They hear noises from overhead.

Mr. Roper: AHA! The culprit has come back to the scene of the crime!

Mrs. Roper: Come on Stanley. Being behind and doing a few minor things wrong doesnt make one a criminal.
Wait a minute. I take that back. I've been married to you for 45 years.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

She laughs Hysterically.


Mr. Roper: Funny. Helen, luckily for me, the crimes of passion you've asked me to commit have all been left to
the dark where it belongs!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Mr. Roper looks at the camera and smiles. There are noises overhead.


Mr. Roper: Let's go helen!


They exit apartment.


CUT TO:


LARRYS APARTMENT - OUTSIDE

The Ropers walk to Larry's apartment. There is the sound of a female voice coming from the apartment. They stop to listen.
They hear a male voice but it isnt Larry's.


Mr. Roper: Hey, wait a minute! That doesn't sound like Larry! Let's get to the bottom of this!

Mrs. Roper: Hold on Stanley! Maybe there are more than just two in there.

Mr. Roper: And why would that matter Helen?

Mrs. Roper: You know...oh, wait a minute you wouldn't..


She laughs.


Mr. Roper: Wouldn't what?

Mrs. Roper: A threesome Stanely. A threesome.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Mr. Roper: Your right, I wouldn't. Especially if it had to be with Larry!


Mr. Roper looks at the camera and smiles.

He tries the door. It's unlocked. They go in.


CUT TO:


LARRYS APARTMENT/Living room - INSIDE

They hear a couple from the living room and make their way to the bedroom.


CUT TO:

Larrys Apartment/bedroom


As they enter Larry's bedroom, they see a couple in bed. The couple tries to hide under the sheets.


Mr. Roper: Aha! And And just who are you two? And where is Larry? Is he hiding in there with you?


The couple pull back down the sheets and reveal themselves. Mr. Roper lifts up the sheets to see
if Larry is hiding in the middle.


Mr. Roper: Sorry.

Male: Please don't report us Mister!

Female: yes, please don't!

Mr. Roper: Too late.

Male: Who are you?

Mr. Roper: The landlord.


The male holds out some money.


Mr. Roper: What's this?

Male: For use of the place.


Mr. Roper takes the money and rolls it up.


Mrs. Roper: Your not seriously considering taking that are you?

Mr. Roper: And why not?

Mrs. Roper: That's Larry's responsibility, not theirs.

Mr. Roper: Not if he's subleting it isn't!

Male: That's ok. Put it towards the rent!


The couple wraps themselves in the sheets while heading toward the door.
They exit.


Mr. Roper: Come back anytime!

Mrs. Roper: You should be ashamed!


Mr. Roper is counting the money.


Mr. Roper: What?


Mrs. Roper notices the overhead mirror.


Mrs. Roper: Interesting. Stanley look.


Stanley looks up in shock.


Mr. Roper: What's the matter?


Mrs. Roper looks the bed over.


Mrs. Roper: Looks like there is pleantly of room to maneuver.

Mr. Roper: Look, I thought I said no bright idea's.


Mrs. Roper looks at him, smiling.


Mrs. Roper: You know what I'm thinking!

Mr. Roper: Ok Helen.


They both sit down on the water bed. Stanley tries to keep steady on it.


Mrs. Roper: You really mean it?

Mr. Roper: Uh, hold on.


Mr. Roper gets up and goes to the light switch. The lights go out.


Mrs. Roper: Oh, Stanley!


CUT TO:


Jack's Bistro/kitchen

In the kitchen Larry watches with an apetite. Jack is flipping something in a skillet.


Larry: You know Jack. I've noticed the way you have been cooking and I've got to tell you
it's pretty interesting.

Jack: I'm glad you noticed Larry, cooking is an art form.

Larry: Dance around and admire this stuff all you want, I just want to eat it!


Larry grabs a plate of food. Jack takes the plate back.


Jack: No, no! That's Mrs. McGillicuty's order! She's waited long enough.

Larry: Oh, come on Jack! She can wait a little longer!

Jack: That's the deal. We will wait until closing. Besides, my waiter called off so I'm
going to need the extra help. How are the dishes coming along?


The dishwasher suddenly breaks down.


Larry: Funny you should ask.

Jack: Oh that's just great! Now your going to have to wash them by hand!

Larry: Jack...

Jack: Larry please! I need your help now more than ever!! But first, take this out to the Mcgillicutys!!

Larry: Alright, alright!


Larry takes the tray and head toward to door. He looks over at Jack, then takes a pickle from one of the sandwhiches
and eats it as he walks out.


CUT TO:

Jack's Bistro. Dining room.

Larry looks around the room as if its a sunny day. He see's the McGillicutys and approaches.


Larry: Here you go! Sorry for the delay.

Mrs. McGillicuty: I should say so!


Mrs. McGillicuty notices something about her order.


Mrs. McGillicuty: Waiter!

Larry: Please, call me Larry. And how are you all this fine evening?


The kids smile at Larry and reply 'Fine.'


Mrs. McGillicuty: Shush! How many times have I told you kids not to talk to strangers!

Larry: And what is the matter Madamuaselle?

Mrs. McGillicuty: I'm missing my pickle! I exclusively order the same thing every time!
The chef should know that I can't eat my sandwhich without my pickle!

Larry: (To kids) Sounds like we're in a real pickle now!


The kids laugh.


Mrs. McGillicuty: Shush shush! What did I tell you two?

Mrs. McGillicuty: (cont) Well?

Larry: uh, hold on!


Larry fumbles through his apron for a pen and writes something down.


Larry: (cont) One pickle coming right up.

Mrs. McGillicuty: You have to write that down?


Larry looks at the kids plates.


Larry: I'm going to add a few things.

Mrs. McGillicuty: Oh no your not!

Larry: Dont worry its on the house. I'll be right back.


Larry exits as Crissy and Jarod enter. Crissy see's an area where she wants to sit.


Crissy: Come on, lets sit over here!


Crissy leads Jarod to a table in the center.


Jarod: Crissy, if you dont mind, I would prefer to sit over there.


Jarod points to a window table in the corner.


Crissy: Oh, how romantic!


They get to the table. Jarod peaks out the window.


Crissy: What's the matter?

Jarod: The door lock on my Jag is busted, I'll have to keep a close eye on it.

Crissy: Oh.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


CUT TO:

Larry comes back into the room tray of food in hand and heads to the McGillicuty table.


Larry: And here we go! One pickle and....


Larry sets down some hot dogs, fries and ice cream sundaes for the kids.

The kids become excited while watching this, but frowns as they look her way.


Mrs. McGillicuty: Is there a reason for this?

Larry: Madam, there is a reason for everything.


Larry takes her hand and kisses it.


Mrs. McGillicuty: Are you trying to play me?

Larry: Like a fiddle.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

The kids laugh along with Mrs. McGillicuty.


Mrs. McGillicuty: Well...


Larry puts his hands together and gives a pouty look. The kids do the same.


Larry: Just look at them.

Mrs. McGillicuty: Okay. But this time only!


Larry and the kids get excited, exclaiming "Hurray!"

They all dig in.


Larry: Bon apetite!

Female patron: Awe. Isn't that wonderful honey? Why can't you be more spontaneous?

Male patron: Sure. Let's go home and make some toast with a hair dryer!


Larry goes to Crissy's table.


Larry: Hey, Chrissy!

Crissy: Oh hi Larry! I didn't know you worked here.

Larry: I know, neither did I.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Crissy: Larry, this is Jarod.


They shake hands.


Jarod: Pleased to meet you Larry.

Larry: Likewise.


Larry thinks for a moment.


Larry: You seem familiar.

Jarod: You mean like on TV?

Larry: Yes, that's it!

Jarod: No. I'm a doctor in real life but I don't play one on TV.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Larry: My mistake. You ready to order?

Crissy: No, not yet. We'll let you know when your're ready though!

Larry: Sure thing.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

As Larry walks off, he stops temporarily to think about Crissy's last statement.

Jarod looks at Crissy, smiling.


Crissy: What?


Jarod takes her hand. Kissing it.


Jarod: Crissy, you are a woman after my own heart! You know that?

Crissy: Is it that obvious? No use in trying to play hard to get then!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

They open their menu's.

A tall brunette enters. She stand in front waiting to be seated. Both Jack and Larry see this from the kitchen
window. Suddenly there is scuffling going on from behind the wall. We hear the sound of pot and pans banging along
with dishes and silverware hitting the floor.


Jack (VO) I got this one Larry!

Larry: (VO) Really, I don't mind Jack! What are friends for?

Jack: (VO) NO DONT!


(CRASH!)


Larry: (VO) Isn't this what you are paying me for?

Jack: (VO) Your working for food Larry!!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Finally Larry steps outside the kitchen door. He dusts himself off and licks his palm and runs it through his hair.
He then struts to brunette up front.


Larry: Well hello.

Miss Parker: Table for three please.


Larry looks around and then looks her over.


Larry: You'll have to excuse me, but I couldn't help notice that there is only one of you darling..


Larry draws out her curves with his hands in the air.


Larry: (cont) I only see one. And it looks fine, so fine.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Miss Parker: Well, I'll have to admit, I do have certain..


She gets closer, whispering in his ear.


Miss Parker: (Cont) ..insatiable appetites.


Larry momentarily turns away and bites down on his knuckles for a moment. He then turns back around.
Miss Parker runs her hand over his shoulder.


Miss Parker: Look, now that we're past the formalities, there is a favor I want to ask.

Larry: Sure, anything.


Miss Parker removes a picture from her purse.


Miss Parker: Have you seen this man?

Larry: Oh yes darling. I have. He's over there in the corner with the blonde.


Larry grabs her by the shoulders while Miss Parker grabs him one handed by his cheeks. Larry puckers up.
She pulls him in closer.


Miss Parker: Didn't your mommy ever teach you about manners?!!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

She then pushes him back.


Larry: But honey, I thought...


Jarod notices Miss Parker and quickly hides behind his menu. She approaches.


Miss Parker: There is no use in trying to hide Jarod. We have you surrounded.


Jarod puts his menu back down.


Crissy: Jarod, do you know her? What's this about? Is she your ex?

Jarod: You could say that.


Jarod (cont) If I were you Miss Parker I wouldn't make a move..


Jarod nods toward a patron wearing a badge. Miss Parker looks.


Crissy: Is she trying to hit on you?

Jarod: In a way.

Crissy: I think you should watch it missy! He's mine!

Miss Parker: How touching. Looks like you've got youself a real cat's meow here Jarod.

Jarod: We are getting up and leaving. Don't try anything.


Crissy puts herself in between Miss Parker and Jarod.


Crissy: Yea, dont try anything! Like I said He's mine!


Mr. Lyle approaches with Janet.


Mr. Lyle: Are we missing anything here?


Crissy and Janet become Jealous of each other. Janet points to Mr. Lyle. Crissy sticks out her tongue.


Miss Parker: No. Your just in time. Jarod was just thinking about leaving.

Mr. Lyle: Oh, I dont think he would want to do that now that we are just getting started.

Jarod: You should sit down Sweetheart.

Crissy: Do we have to?


Jarod nods.


Mr. Lyle: Well Jarod, as you can see, this is strictly a numbers game now. So I suggest you sit down
and do as she says.

Jarod: You touch one hair on her head!

Crissy: Dont worry honey. I'm not interested in that sort of 'group' thing.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Mr. Lyle: She doesnt know does she?

Crissy: (To Jarod) Know what? Your not into that sort of thing are you?


Jarod nods no.


Crissy: (cont) ..good. See. How about you Janet?

Janet: No way. I'm not willing to share with anybody!

Mr. Lyle: Oh, would you two just put a pickle in it!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Janet: Well!


Janet gets up and sits next to Crissy. They hug.

Larry approaches.


Larry: Did I just hear someone ask for pickles?


They all reply 'NO!' loudly.


Larry: Sheesh!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Larry walks off.


Mr. Raines comes in dragging along his oxygen tank. They all watch becoming embarrassed.
He makes his way to their table.


Mr. Raines: What in the blue blazes is taking so long? Why are you still here? We need Jarod back now!

Mr. Lyle: It's not going to be as easy as we thought.

Mr.Raines: Any why is that?


Mr. Lyle looks over at a deputy sitting at the next table with a badge clipped to his belt.
Mr. Raines becomes dissapointed while taking a seat.

Broots and Sydney come through the entrance. They stand there for a moment.


Broots: Oh look. Most eveybody is here. Including Jarod.

Sydney: Take a good look Broots. This is the closest the Centre has ever come to having a company picnic!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

They then take a seat next to the others. Mr. Parker then walks in with a couple of bodyguards and stands at the entrance.


Mr. Parker: I should have known after all these years this game of cat and mouse was only a ploy so they could just sit around
and spend my money! Well, if you want it done right, you've got to do it yourself!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Mr. Parker and his body guards approach Jarods table.


Mr. Parker: Alright Jarod! Your jig is up!

Jarod: Mr. Parker, your just in time. Won't you join us? This jig is actually just getting started.

Mr. Parker: Why, your awful confident considering the circumstance.

Jarod: I suggest we all sit down and enjoy a meal because it's the last one your going to have outside bars.

Mr. Parker: Alright, get him boys!!


His bodyguards just stand there.


Mr. Parker: Well dont just stand there!!

Jarod: They're not going to do anything for you Mr. Parker.

Mr. Parker: And why is that?


Jarod flashes his badge.


Jarod: Because they work for me.


The rest flash their badges as well.


Jarod: All of them.


The deputy stands up.


Deputy: All right! This is a sting! Your all under arrest!

Mr. Raines: Oh, good greif!


AUDIENCE LAUGHS

Mr. Parker reaches into his vest and pulls out a walkie talkie.


Mr. Parker: Get me backup! Send in all sweeper teams now!!

Jarod: That wont do you any good either Mr. Parker.

Mr. Parker: Oh, it wont?


Jarod nods no. Outside the window, a bunch of officers step outside their cars in the parking lot
and flash their badges.


AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Deputy: Ready to take them away Jarod?

Mr. Parker: Wait. Is your offer still good?


Jarod nods.


CUT TO:


The room is dimly lit with light music playing in the background. Everybody is eating and drinking.


Mr. Raines is throwing a ton of salt on his meal.


Sydney: You should take it easy on the salt Raines.

Mr. Raines: Like it matters now Sydney?

Mr. Lyle: My compliments to the chef. This is probably the best stir fry I've had in years.


Mr. Lyle puts up his glass in toast.


Broots: (whispers) Hey, Sydney, isn't that from around the time his last wife disappeared?


Sydney covers his mouth with a napkin.


Jarod comes over to Miss Parker.


Jarod: Miss Parker, you havent touched your food.


Miss Parker: Thanks anyway Jarod. I'm not hungry.

Jarod: Considering the circumstances I understand,

Miss Parker: (cont) Jarod, for what its worth, thank you.


Jarod nods. He goes to Mr. Prker.


Jarod: How is it?

Mr. Parker: The best. Look, do I have time for...


He points to a plate loaded with steaks.

jarod nods no.

AUDIENCE LAUGHS


Jarod: I'm afraid you'll have to get a to go bag Mr. Parker.

Mr. Parker: Had to ask, understand?


Jarod nods. A song plays. Jarod reaches out for Crissy hand. She joins him as they slow dance.


THE BEGINNING.