Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender"

Not all life stories end tragically, nor do they always end with happy endings. My life revolved around that beautiful "Ice Queen". A number of times, she shut me out of her life. Other than our cat and mouse game, which was the only relationship we had with each other, she had completely forgotten how much I had meant to her those many years so long ago. Best friends, we were indeed.

"What?" was her favorite salutation when I'd hear her voice on the end of my telephone line. My apology to Miss Parker for leaving her behind. I so wanted her to be my side. But, she was the "enemy". She was so angry with life. Life is what you make it to be. I've never really known her thoughts and feelings for me. Well, there was just that one time, on the Island, she let that invisible wall of hers down. Almost. If it weren't for that interruption, would she have fallen into my arms? I guess I'll never know.

It became exhausting calling her in the early mornings, leaving ridiculous clues of my whereabouts. In the very beginning, it was fun and exciting listening to her as she growled, snapped and hissed at me. I taunted her. But then, with each passing day, my moods had begun to become erratic. I'd be smiling one second and slamming things down the very next minute. My world doesn't revolve around her, not anymore. It wasn't easy to have walked away, this time for good. But, that was the best choice I had ever made, although, there are times when my heart still aches for her.

She made me feel like I was nothing but a lab specimen. Her own little "lab rat". Sometimes, you hurt the very ones you love. Love? I don't think so. Silently, she damaged my self-esteem and made me feel unloved and worthless. We shared no relationship. I was just fed up with all the things we've been through. It saddened me to have left. But, I am not a glutton for insults.

It was for both our own good which I had made a decision to leave. I wanted my freedom. So, I left.

JMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMP

He left me. That little "lab rat" left me all alone. I wonder if he's gone for good. He never asked me to join him. He was my "best friend". Didn't he know that? It was just a job. I really had no intentions of ever shooting him each time I pulled that pistol at him. I never brought him back to "The Centre". Did I?

Maybe he thought I was slowly moving away from him. I wasn't. He was my best friend, my only friend. As if it was yesterday, I can see us laughing at the sometimes funny things that happened at "The Centre" and the serious things we use to talk about. Like life. Our lives. I'd fallen in love with him and I did not take the time to let him know. He would have stayed. Wouldn't he? How would he have known I really did love him? I hurled insults every chance I got. He didn't deserve the cruelty that was brought upon him. He comforted me in times of need. And I've never thanked him for his tenderness.

Jarod made a difference in my life. He fought for what he felt was right. That last telephone call of his was simple and to the point. "I'm leaving soon. Take care of yourself, Parker. Goodbye." He's bloody gone for good. And there's no one to blame but myself. I've never heard from him ever again. Where is he now? Will he even remember me at all several years down the road. I've never felt this much emptiness in my heart.

I guess it was time for "my pretender" to spread his wings, to fly away, to soar like an eagle and find what dreams are really made of. I wasn't included in those dreams of his. I've spent all these months lying awake crying in my bed. My days are unbearable without him. But, my nights are even more torture. I've been waiting for those phone calls of his. But, it never comes. There were months at a time when I wouldn't hear from him, but, this time, it is definitely permanent. Hell would freeze over before he'll ever allow himself to come back into my life.

To think, I was just about to let him know how I felt about him, and he leaves. I never told him goodbye. I never wanted to. But, it was his decision to finally take a step back away from this "Ice Queen". I've told myself that I'd never shed another tear for him. Since when do I ever listen to myself. He's been a part of me for so long, how do I go on with life without him? Somebody tell me. Maybe he's found his happiness with someone else.

JMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMPJMP

It's been six months since he's gone. And I'm still crying over him. It hadn't gotten any better. I'm just merely existing. "Well, Parker! You really screwed your life up." There's my telephone ringing again. Can't Sydney or Broots take a hint. I really want to be left alone. I don't need for them to check up on me every single night. Finally, it stopped. Damned! There it goes again.

"What? Sydney, Broots. I'm fine. Like I was yesterday, last night, today and tonight."

"Oh, I'm glad you're fine. I'm not. Maybe, I should let you go?"

I practically yelled into the mouthpiece. "Jarod!"

"Yes, it's me." He answered softly.

There was silence. "Are you back?" I asked.

"I suppose."

"It's either a yes or no."

"Well, Parker, it depends if you'll let me back into your life or not."

"Where are you?" My heart pounded loudly.

"I'm outside your front door."

I rushed to the door and took a deep breath.

"I'm back, Parker."

There is no way am I going to screw up this relationship, this time.

TBC- Chapter 2