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Disclaimer: The characters Miss Parker, Sydney, Jarod, Broots etc. and the fictional Centre, are all property of MTM, TNT and NBC Productions and used without permission. No infringement is intended and the story is for personal entertainment only with nothing for profit. The words, however, are mine. Please don't take them without asking. Thanks. Author's Notes: Part one describes Jarod being retrieved by Lyle and a sweeper crew. Part two is Sidney, Broots, and Miss Parker's world shifting in response to that event. As their assignments shift and their roles begin to change, it seemed interesting to explore what their challenges become if Jarod is back inside the Center. What are the sources of their inner conflicts then?
In the opening of the actual season 4 (of Donoterase/The World's Changing), we saw one version. It seemed to me they all rallied around Jarod. I wondered if in real life, things might not be so clear, so noble. Perhaps a bit more of a "survival of the fittest" mentality might set in. This is the Centre. What might the characters do to survive, including Jarod? What can make them all do things they said they wouldn't? Things we know they don't want to do. Things we know that would scare them.
Obviously, this never happened in the actual plot of Pretender, but I wondered what it might be like for Jarod if it had happened this way.
In the opening of the actual season 4 (of Donoterase/The World's Changing), we saw one version. It seemed to me they all rallied around Jarod. I wondered if in real life, things might not be so clear, so noble. Perhaps a bit more of a "survival of the fittest" mentality might set in. This is the Centre. What might the characters do to survive, including Jarod? What can make them all do things they said they wouldn't? Things we know they don't want to do. Things we know that would scare them.
Obviously, this never happened in the actual plot of Pretender, but I wondered what it might be like for Jarod if it had happened this way.
Moments in Time
part 3
by TerriH
Miss Parker's Office - Centre Corporate Tower
Miss Parker walked in to her new office and surveyed the surroundings. her desk was situated near a window overlooking the Centre's botanical Garden. Her new office was small, but well furnished. Her files had been boxed up overnight and brought up from her prior office on the Operations sublevel. The boxes currently lay in a stack near a cherry credenza on her right. A neglected office plant sat on top; it's leaves slowly shifting from green to yellow. Parker smirked she looked at it. There seemed to be a metaphor to her career in the withered leaves. She turned away, walking to her desk and put down her attaché. She sat on the corner of her new desk, surveying the room.
Parker had arrived at 9:00 and met her new assistant, Amber, whom she'd immediately asked to find her a cup of coffee. Parker rolled her eyes. Amber was the epitome of everything she didn't want to be. She was mousy and subservient and much too perky for nine in the morning. She also appeared efficient, Parker noted as she saw her assistant returning down the corridor.
"Thank god for small favors." Parker uttered under her breath as Amber returned with a fresh cup of coffee. Amber handed Parker the coffee in a white French china cup. Parker lifted an eyebrow and nodded her thanks. "God, I need this today." She sighed.
Amber chirped up. "Well, you have a busy first day, Miss Parker." She said and smiled in a manor Parker assumed was intended to be friendly. Continuing, Amber added, "You have a 10:00 with Chambers over in Contracts and Litigation and an 11:00 with Business Services." Parker nearly choked on her coffee. Amber didn't seem to notice. Looking up to the ceiling as if reading notes she'd left there, she continued. "And then... you have a luncheon with the Executive Services Liaison."
Having finished her report, Amber looked back at Miss Parker. Amber felt pleased with herself. She thought she'd done a good job showing her new boss what an efficient secretary she was. She smiled and waited for instructions.
"Some first day." Parker sighed. It seemed best to establish boundaries now. This was ~not~ going to work. Parker stood from the desk, stepping in toward her diminutive assistant. Parker was only an inch taller, but the patent leather stilettos she'd worn allowed her to tower over the young blond. Parker stepped closer to her assistant, locking eyes in a way that prevented the young woman from stepping back despite her obvious discomfort.
"Let's get this straight right now, Amber." Parker said, her tone ensured her presence, as the dominant one of the pair was clear. "From now on, I schedule my own appointments. Understood?" Amber nodded quickly and stepped back. Her face flushed red. Miss Parker wasn't like any executive she'd ever worked for before. She looked down and pulled at the edge of her sweater self-consciously.
"Now, run along." Miss Parker said, motioning for Amber to leave. Amber turned and walked quickly to the door. Parker stepped back, leaning on the desk again. She savored the fact she still had some power to intimidate, even if it was only over her assistant.
Then, Parker called out to her new secretary. "Get me the files I'll need for my 10:00. Now." She said. Her voice was terse considering it was only a quarter after nine in the morning. Amber nodded but didn't turn to face her boss as she quickly closed the door to Parker's office behind her. She felt quite flustered and was relieved to have a few minutes to compose herself before returning to Parker's office.
Parker thought it looked as though the young woman was practically retreating, rather than simply returned to her desk. "I think I scared her." Parker thought to herself and smiled as she returned to her coffee. Her face looked tired and her body felt weary. Parker sighed again looking glum. It ~was~ going to be a long day.
After a few more minutes of absorbing caffeine, Miss Parker felt ready to work. She stood and circled her desk, sitting in the high backed leather chair she'd had sent up from her old office. Her thoughts involuntarily turned to Jarod. She felt removed from the incarnation of her life that had her chasing him daily, but old habits die hard. She wondered where he was, and how he'd been caught.
Within hours of discovering the DSA of Jarod's return to the Centre, she'd been handed an interoffice memo stating she was being reassigned effective immediately. She'd gone to her father and demanded he reverse the directive, but he claimed it was out of his hands. She doubted that, but it was obvious he wanted her gone.
Parker's blood pressure raised a bit as she thought about it. If it hadn't been her father, she'd not have accepted his answer. She was not typically willing to be ordered off an assignment without explanation. She was a Parker. She deserved respect. But, with her father, everything was different. She felt small and insecure for a moment as her mind turned to her powerful man who was so often the source of conflicted emotions for her. She massaged her temples. It seemed impossible for all that to have happened just yesterday. Today now seemed like an entirely different world.
Miss Parker drummed her fingers on her desk, nursing the last of the warm coffee from her cup as she waited for Amber to bring her the files she needed. Miss Parker reviewed yesterday's events in her mind. She'd spoken to Sidney last night, having surmised he'd go see Jarod in the morning. With a little persuasion, Sidney had confirmed his plans to do just that. Sidney had apparently negotiated with Lyle to get time with Jarod before he'd left for the day last night.
Miss Parker made a face. The thought of negotiating anything with Lyle turned her stomach. Parker set her cup down and reflexively touched her abdomen feeling the soft cashmere of her skirted suit. Her ulcer was responding to medication, but coffee often reminded her it was there. Thinking about Lyle had the same effect.
Parker wondered how Sidney's appointment with Jarod would go. She felt a touch of envy that Sidney would be seeing him. As annoying as Jarod could be, he'd also been a sort of invisible companion these last four years. She felt connected to him in a way she couldn't explain and refused to admit to anyone including herself. She deafly avoided fleeting thoughts of Jarod that were more personal. She didn't have time for "softer" emotions toward anyone, not even Jarod.
On a professional level, as frustrating as he could be, Jarod was also a challenge she enjoyed. He'd been difficult to catch and clever in evading her. Parker rarely found an opponent she admired as much as Jarod. She felt fondness for him despite his annoying habit of sending her chasing her tail. She considered with some distress that her feeling toward Jarod should more correctly be ire, but it wasn't. She chose not to follow that train of thought. Instead, she let her mind wander.
Jarod came to mind again. Parker considered him for a moment, looking unseeing across her office. He had time and time again toyed with her emotions as he manipulated her into finding the answers about her mother that he wanted her to find. "But," she thought, "At least he doesn't lie to me." She tilted her head to one side, picturing her father's face in her mind's eye.
The last four years had made her considerably more cynical about the Centre and it's chairman, her father. Miss Parker knew how to choose her battles, however, and the transfer to corporate wasn't one she could win. She'd recognized that early on and accepted her fate. "Know thy enemy." She mumbled into her coffee.
The intercom buzzed on the phone. Miss Parker reached for it and clicked the button activating the speaker. "What!" she called annoyed into the black box.
"I have those files ready for you." Amber chimed back, sounding a bit repentant for interrupting her. "Should I bring them in now?" she asked. Amber's voice was a bit too tentative for Miss Parker's tastes. Something in the tone gave her the urge to strike at the woman. Parker resisted the impulse.
"Yes. I told you I wanted them immediately, so now would be good." Parker said in a sarcastic voice. She clicked the intercom off and took a deep breath. She'd once enjoyed the prestige of Corporate but she'd been out of the game for 4 years. She had a lot of catching up to do. If it was possible for Miss Parker to feel intimidated, she did now. The mental whiplash of the last 24 hours was catching up to her.
Amber slipped into Parker's office, placing the files in front of her in the center of her desk. Then, she turned and quickly scurried out. Parker's eyes twinkled as she watched her assistant scamper out the door. She chuckled to herself. "That's right. You know who's boss now, don't you." She said in a sly voice, smiling with one side of her mouth a bit more than the other. Her eyes looked devious. She was enjoying the moment. Miss Parker wasn't a cruel woman, but she understood the Centre. She understood that strength, the appearance of it at least, was crucial to her survival there.
Then Parker's expression softened. She fingered the rough brown paper of the first file for a moment before flipping it open. She wasn't really interested in Contracts and Litigation, so she allowed herself a moment of melancholy before she dove into the meat of Contract File 64R/128-69A. She missed Jarod. Taking a deep breath, she flipped open the file. She'd delayed long enough.
Parker knew she needed to change gears if she wanted to succeed at Corporate. She was determined to arrive at her 10:00 meeting prepared to do business. She was hungry to be a player, a winner again. Growing up, Miss Parker had excelled at sports. As she saw it, business was simply sports on paper.
Parker began reading quickly. The file was a prepared brief that outlined current Centre contract negotiations with an Israeli technology development firm. She sighed, and leaned forward on one elbow, scanning the pages as quickly as possible. "It ~is~ going to be a long day." She thought again.
The Centre - Sublevel 14, Biohazard Lab 4
Jarod had recovered his emotional balance and his sense of humor had returned. "It's amazing what you can get used to." he thought to himself. He smiled, and felt his mind relax despite the cramping in his muscles from the constant tension of his restraints. "It's not so bad, once you get over the aching joints and cold and hunger....and.."' the thought trailed off. Then he chuckled to himself. "Who am I trying to convince?" Jarod thought, shaking his head amused. A certain dark sense of humor was required to survive with one's sanity intact inside the Centre. Jarod most certainly possessed it.
Jarod stood against a concrete post near the center of the lab with his arms pulled up and back behind him with his wrists secured to a chain above. His feet were shackled, severely limiting his ability to move. He faced away from the door and could see little of the lab. His view consisted primarily of a small table bolted to the floor a few feet in front of him and the gray concrete and steel reinforced walls that surrounded him. This room was all he'd seen since the sweepers had brought him there the day before.
Jarod wore only black cotton pants reminiscent of pajama bottoms. They'd been part of his 'uniform' during his original internment at the Center as a child; a time he'd hoped he'd one day forget. Lyle had supplied them, he assumed, as a way to remind Jarod of "the good old days".
Jarod shifted. The post had rough spots that occasionally caught on skin of his back. As he felt one, he was reminded that Lyle had neglected to give him a shirt the day before when he'd ordered the sweepers to restrain him there. The texture of the concrete post behind him had become familiar to his back in the 24 hours since then.
Jarod reasoned that Lyle hadn't given him a shirt because he intended for Jarod to feel "exposed" and therefore more vulnerable. "Lyle likes a metaphor." he thought to himself, half smiling. Even in these circumstance, he found Lyle more often amusing than frightening. He could be a dangerous man, but, as Jarod saw it, he was not difficult to understand.
Jarod looked around the room again. The walls showed seams periodically, but aside from that, they were smooth monoliths whose appearance only enhanced the cold silence in the room. Looking up, Jarod could see a tangle of ductwork and electrical conduit running through a high ceiling. Just below the shiny metal ducting was a surveillance camera. It was aimed directly at him. Jarod suspected there were several others in the room as well. Lyle had prepared this lab especially for him, or so he'd claimed when he had the sweepers drag Jarod in there the day before. Lyle'd called this lab his special "containment unit". Jarod surmised that meant he'd added extra security.... and that no one else knew he was there.
Lost in his own thoughts, Jarod jumped, startled when the hiss of the airlock announced someone entering the room. He'd not heard the sounds of footsteps coming down the corridor. Consequently, he couldn't deduce who his most recent visitor was likely to be. His heart accelerated and his mouth went dry in response to this latest surprise. An adrenaline release was automatic whenever something unexpected happened at the Centre. It had been that way since he was brought here as a young child. He'd always known that surprises rarely portended good news in a place like this. The vulnerability he felt as a result of being restrained increased the effect.
Jarod's head automatically turned to see who was there. "It shouldn't be Lyle. He was just here." Jarod reasoned to himself. Jarod's stomach clenched and his mouth tasted acid. "Perhaps Lyle has contrived some new way of ~welcoming~ me home." Jarod thought as he inwardly winced. The corners of his mouth turned down as he clenched his teeth, fighting back both anger and fear. Bitterness crept back into the pretender's mind. He truly hated this place and what they'd done to him.
Jarod couldn't see the doorway from his current position due to the direction he was facing and the width of the concrete post. He'd have to wait for whoever was entering the lab to step into view. Having to wait increased his anxiety. The tension in Jarod's stomach took on a hollow character with a cold stone at the core. A nearly imperceptible shiver ran up his spine, raising the hair on his arms. For a moment he was trapped in twilight between his own memories and the florescent lights of the lab. The moment of anticipating something terrible about to happen to him was familiar from a thousand simulations.
Jarod closed his eyes. He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm himself. "There is no reason to believe..." Jarod begun saying to himself. Then his eyes popped back open. There ~was~ reason to believe something worth his adrenal response was about to happen. Assuming otherwise was foolish. He'd lived at the Centre long enough to know ~that~ with absolute certainty.
Jarod looked at the ground, consciously assuming control of his countenance. His face took on a neutral expression, cold eyes masking his internal world. He raised his eyes to meet his unknown guest. He faced forward, locking his gaze on the wall across from him waiting for his visitor to proceed far enough into the lab that he could see him. Jarod appeared to be the epitome of control.
Seconds passed, feeling like an eternity to the pretender. Whoever was inside the lab, was approaching him quietly. The footfalls were soft, but heavy. Forgetting his composure for a moment, Jarod turned his head, trying to see who was there. He pressed his cheek hard into the concrete post behind him trying to see past the gray concrete that blocked his view. His mask of composure had slipped. Jarod fought to push down the panic that threatened to erupt. He tried to edge over in the direction of his visitor, but the sensation of his shoulder being pulled apart as he stretched the limits of the restraint stopped him from doing more than shifting over a fraction of an inch.
Jarod heard the voice before he could see anyone.
"Jarod?" Sidney's concern was obvious from the single word. Sidney was shocked to see his pretender standing, bound hand and foot to a concrete support post in the center of the lab. The DSA he'd seen the day before hadn't included that image.
Jarod recognized Sidney's slight Belgian accent immediately. Tears welled up in his eyes as the false bravado dropped away and his fear evaporated. The man who'd raised him had come to his side. Jarod's mind was electric with conflicting thoughts and feelings. Sidney was the only person Jarod had ever felt loved him. Sidney had never said those words, but Jarod chose to believe the feelings were there. He needed them to be there.
Sidney was only parent Jarod could remember. He yearned for Sidney's comfort and companionship but he'd not dared to hope that he'd come. Jarod hadn't even been sure Sidney would know he was back at the Centre, much less where he was being kept. Now, hearing Sidney's voice released a flood of pent up emotions in the pretender.
Sidney took another step and came into view. Jarod began weeping, allowing his emotions to flow freely. Sidney advanced, stopping a few feet in front of Jarod. He felt an instinctual urge to comfort Jarod, but he resisted. Sidney glanced at the security camera opposite Jarod and hesitated. He didn't want to look overly excited to see his pretender. The Centre was watching. Instead, he walked ahead, stopping a few feet in front of Jarod directly across from him.
Sidney yearned to protect Jarod, to shelter him. Jarod had been a son of sorts for nearly thirty years. Sidney knew he cared for Jarod as much as he cared for anyone, alive or dead. This only added to the guilt he felt about the crimes he'd been a part of committing upon Jarod during his youth at the Centre.
Sidney's guilt increased as he viewed Jarod's battered body in person. A dull ache spread in Sidney's chest. He wished he could embrace the younger man but knew it was too dangerous. Sidney hesitated a moment, postponing looking at Jarod's face, meeting his eyes.
Sidney's eyes ran over the pretender's body, cataloging minor injuries here and there. His ribs were badly bruised on his left side. There were several abrasions on his arms and neck. None of the injuries were serious enough to threaten Jarod's life, but they all bore testament to what the last twenty-four hours had held for him. Sidney's face shown concern for Jarod and anger at what was being done to him. The vile nature of life at the Centre was etched in every bruise and mark Sidney saw.
Catching Sidney's eyes, Jarod spoke. "Sidney..." he said. His voice trembling.
The intensity of the moment was obvious in Jarod's dark intelligent eyes. Sidney could see Jarod's eyes were still filled with tears. A mix of relief and grief washed over the pretender's face. Sidney could see that Jarod wished he hadn't seen him like this, confined, caged. But, Jarod's shame seemed to be tempered by simple joy that the elder man had come at all. Jarod needed Sidney; he needed him to be there, perhaps more than he ever had before. Sidney hoped he could be the man Jarod needed him to be.
Having recovered his voice, Jarod spoke again. "I wasn't sure they'd let you see me." he managed to say. His voice was childlike and quiet.
"They weren't going to. I changed their minds." Sidney answered quietly.
Sidney met Jarod's gaze slowly. Then, he locked eyes with his beloved charge. Sidney delayed revealing his purpose in coming, wishing his official reason for being there was different. Jarod heard the silence that suggested Sidney had chosen to censor the rest of the bargain he'd made to make this visit possible. But, Jarod didn't care what deal had been made. He needed Sidney near. He'd contend with the consequences of his visit later.
The emotion on Jarod's face told Sidney a tale of conflicted and powerful emotions. Jarod's eyes brimmed with unspent tears. He'd felt so terribly alone since his return. The isolation had been more painful than anything Lyle had yet done to him. Having Sidney here beside him was more than he could have hoped for. His chin quivered as he fought to control the waves of emotions flowing through him. His 'refuge' had finally come.
Sidney thought back to the argument he'd had with Lyle the day before as he'd demanded to see Jarod. Jarod had been right to wonder if Sidney would be allowed to see him. There were many who wanted to prevent their meeting. Sidney was pleased he'd fought so hard to see his pretender. It was obvious it meant a great deal to Jarod that he'd come.
Sidney shifted his weight and took a half step forward, placing his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from reaching out to comfort Jarod. He was aware of the electronic eye behind him. Instead, Sidney's gentle eyes seemed to embrace Jarod. Jarod smiled slightly. Sidney appreciated the brave show, but he understood better than anyone else what being back at the Centre meant to his pretender. Sidney felt a twinge in his neck and swallowed hard. He needed to focus.
Sidney spoke again. His voice remaining quiet. His message was for Jarod, not the camera. "A man living his nightmares shouldn't have to do so alone." Sidney said. His eyes glistened wet. He truly did wish he could comfort his pretender.
Sidney's words released a second wave of emotion in Jarod. His face tightened into an anguished distorted mask. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears rolled down his cheeks. Sidney's words were comforting, but nothing could truly diminish despair Jarod felt as he assimilated the experience of being a prisoner again. Sidney sensed Jarod retreating so far inside himself that Sidney wondered if he would be lost. Sidney stepped closer, hoping his proximity would coax Jarod back out.
Despite all his years of counseling, Dr. Sidney Green could think of nothing to say that would ease the pain of his most important of clients. He'd never felt so inadequate, so impotent. Sidney looked away. Taking a deep breath, he allowed himself to feel the weight of his own flagitiousness. Sidney intuitively understood there was nothing he could say that would heal the emotional torment he was now saw. His role was simply to bare witness of it. Jarod deserved at least that. The silence between them seemed merciful. It gave both men a chance to honor intensity of the moment in a way words could not.
Sidney's eyes returned to Jarod's face, only to flee again as he saw the emotion tearing through him. It was painful to watch such a physically large and mentally strong man as Jarod in such depths of despair. Sidney stared at the ground, feeling the weight of his betrayal to the sacred oath of his profession, "do no harm." He felt responsible for Jarod's tears as much as anyone. Sidney silently cursed himself.
After a few minutes, the storm inside Jarod subsided. Sidney gathered courage and looked back at his pretender. He could see Jarod's shoulders beginning to relax. Jarod's eyes were closed, and his face was calmer. Jarod took in a deep breath that seemed to center him. He seemed very still, motionless. He seemed to be in a sort of a self-hypnotic state. Finally, Jarod opened his eyes, letting them drop to the floor. They were clear and sad, but he was back. He took several deep and controlled breaths reigning in the last of his emotions before he let his eyes meet Sidney's again.
Sidney's clinical mind asserted itself as he observed the change in Jarod's demeanor. Sidney noted a sense of inertia and containment within Jarod that he'd never completely understood. Jarod seemed to find internal resources that even Sidney hadn't imagined were there. Sidney still found himself surprised even after all these years at how resilient his pretender was. Despite his display of emotions a few moments before, Jarod now seemed genuinely recovered and in command of his emotions. In Sidney's judgment, Jarod had remained remarkably poised, considering the circumstance.
Sidney patiently waited for Jarod to be ready to interact. Jarod tentatively raised his eyes, meeting Sidney's again. Sidney noted in wonderment that there was still a sense of warmth that radiated from his pretender. He could still see hope in Jarod's eyes nestled along side the pain. The silence that connected the two men seemed too stalwart to break. Sidney nodded and raised one eyebrow, silently asking Jarod if he was all right. Jarod managed a small gentle smile in return. Sidney noted the dark shadow in Jarod's eyes remained despite the smile on his lips. It was remarkable to him that this boy, this man, in front of him had managed to remain as intact has he had despite all the violence he'd been subjected to over the years.
As Jarod returned Sidney's gaze, his eyes revealed his connection to the other man. His features were softer and almost childlike. Gone was the tension in his face. Jarod now allowed his true feelings to show, both the tender ones he felt for Sidney and his grief about his own current circumstances. He had never hidden himself from Sidney. Sidney had been his world, his confidant for over twenty years. Even after he left the Centre, Sidney had remained the only person he'd ever trusted; the only person he could ever be certain of.
Sidney meant more to Jarod than either man could understand or explain. Sidney had been the only anchor, the only light, for most of Jarod's life. Since leaving the Centre, Jarod had lived a life filled with sweepers and the constant need to keep moving, keep running. He'd occasionally had moments of closeness with others, but he never truly had the luxury of letting anyone else in. Sidney was still his only family.
Finally Sidney broke the silence. "How ~are~ you, Jarod?" he asked. Sidney's voice was cautious but Jarod could hear the genuineness of his concern. Sidney's eyes looked sad and worried. A line between his brows showed Sidney's apprehension about Jarod's mental and physical state. Jarod looked away, shifting his weight from one leg to the other self-consciously. He didn't want to disappoint his mentor. He didn't want to look weak.
"I've been through worse." Jarod finally said, trying to roll his eyes and make light of his situation. He managed a weak smile. Jarod met Sidney's eyes for a moment before he looked away again. Sidney returned the smile. He knew Jarod needed to be seen as strong and capable. He wished Jarod knew that he already saw him that way and that nothing Lyle forced him to do would change that. Sidney had already seen more strength in Jarod than he possessed himself. He admired the younger man more than Jarod would ever know.
Sidney suppressed a shiver. The image of Jarod trying to be strong as he stood chained in this lab was etching itself into Sidney's brain. His thoughts involuntarily turned to other disturbing images from his past. The recollections of train cars loaded with 'refugees' being 'resettled' by the Nazi's and the sounds and smells of burned out homes and factories momentarily inundated his thoughts. Sidney mentally shook himself. He knew the sight of Jarod chained in the lab would haunt him as those images had. "Perhaps," he thought, "This is the price I pay for looking away when I had the chance to do something." One last image came to mind, the radiant face of Catherine Parker followed by her graveside funeral.
Sidney forced himself back to the present. Gazing at Jarod, he shook his head, displeased with everything he saw. "It doesn't have to be this way," he thought. Sidney hoped the chairman would quickly realize this kind of manhandling was unnecessary. Raines had always been too quick to solve a problem with violence and Lyle followed the same pattern. Sidney believed that had been the primary flaw in the other men's attempts to produce pretenders on par with Jarod.
Sidney forced himself to refocus. He needed to clinically assess Jarod's condition. That's why he was there. That fact forced his mind past any remaining personal feelings for the man in front of him. He needed to know when Jarod would be able to work. He needed to know that he was ready to work for the Centre again.
"How long has it been since they gave you a meal or let you rest." Sidney asked. His voice was gentle, but Jarod could hear Sidney's displeasure with Lyle's tactics. Jarod couldn't help but smirk. His dark sense of humor had returned. A warm feeling spread in the pretender's chest. It had been a very long time since anyone had shown concern for him.
"Meal?" Jarod's eyes sparkled, the dry humor obvious to Sidney. Jarod's face took on an animated half smile and he shrugged. Sidney was pleased to see his pupil remained able to find humor in his plight. Sidney doubted Jarod truly felt as strong or as comfortable as he now looked, but the sight relieved him none the less. Perhaps Jarod truly was managing better than he'd supposed.
"I'll be okay, Sidney. Don't worry." Jarod said, sensing Sidney's uncertainty and need for reassurance. Sidney nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets, studying the pretender again. He was not certain how much of Jarod's rediscovered composure was genuine. He wondered how fragile his pretender really was.
Jarod was quickly uncomfortable with both the scrutiny and the silence. He looked away and the smile dropped from his face. Even when it was Sidney studying him, Jarod disliked the feeling of being a "subject." Sidney sensed his disquiet and attempted to make conversation.
"I'll talk to Lyle about your treatment." Sidney offered quietly, gesturing with one hand as if to say 'this is all I have to give you.' Sidney pressed his lips together, censoring his anger toward Lyle. Voicing it here would do Jarod no good.
Sidney quickly added. "You need some rest." As he nodded in Jarod's direction.
Jarod smiled again. Sidney's disapproval about his current situation remained apparent. Jarod felt warmth in his chest, the emotional equivalent of receiving a hug. He glanced at the ceiling and closed his eyes. "Even after all my time away, you still wanted to take care of me." He thought to himself. It felt reassuring to know he had a benefactor, but in his current surroundings of concrete and chains, however, Sidney's sentiment struck Jarod as truly comical. He resisted the urge to laugh.
Changing the subject, Jarod made eye contact with Sidney again. "How is Miss Parker?" he asked. He fidgeted, afraid of what the answer might be. He had tried to sound nonchalant despite his worries about her welfare. His feelings for Parker were more platonic than romantic, but they were strong. Parker had grown up with him, as nearly a sibling as he had at the time. She had become a beautiful woman. But, to him, she'd always be the traumatized child he'd heard screaming in the hallway after her mother had been shot. He loved her. He knew that. He just didn't know where that knowledge would lead him just yet.
Parker was one of the very few people whom Jarod felt close to. She knew first hand what it was to be a child growing up in the Centre. Speaking with her, he felt understood. There was no pretense. She knew exactly what he was and what he'd been doing for the Centre all these years. There was no need to explain or to justify. He could simply be himself. She didn't reject him or judge him. She'd been a child there too. There was an unspoken code between then that necessitated distance, but beneath is all was the knowledge that he loved her and always would. Right now he was worried. Lyle could easily use his capture against her.
"She's been transferred back to Corporate." Sidney answered. He spoke directly, watching for a reaction from Jarod. Jarod noticed the guarded response and gathered Sidney was trying to protect him again.
Jarod hesitated before responding. "Is she okay?" he asked. His voice more tentative than he might have liked. He looked into Sidney's eyes, searching them to see if he was telling the truth.
Sidney maintained eye contact, but a shadow crept into them. "She will be." He said simply. Then he added, "Right now her father is very happy you're back. She..." Sidney hesitated. "I think she is evaluating her options."
Miss Parker had only spoken to Sidney briefly since being told she'd been transferred. She'd behaved as if nothing of substance had changed. Sidney doubted the truth of how she was, was as simple as a change in her office location.
Sidney read Jarod's disappointment that his answer wasn't more personal. "You know she can't come here." Sidney said. He searched Jarod's eyes, mentally categorizing what he found.
Jarod nodded agreement, but looked sad and disappointed. Jarod wanted to ask if Parker missed him, but was afraid of what the answer might be. He often had the feeling that no one missed him. Perhaps that's why family was so important. As he understood it, family never forgets you. They never stop missing you. At least he hoped that was true. He knew he'd never stopped missing them...or at least the idea of them. He hoped that was true of his parents as well.
Silence grew between the two men again as each was lost in his own thoughts. Jarod enjoyed being with Sidney, but being there, being inside the Centre, was too painful to confront directly. He found his mind instinctively deflecting itself onto tangents of other thoughts. Some were questions he wanted to ask but was too afraid to vocalize. Others were observations that seemed out of place given the context. In the end, Jarod could think of nothing to say. Sidney, by contrast, had many things he needed to say. Just none he wanted to. His heart felt heavy, but he knew it was time.
Sidney again broke the silence with a confession. He shifted uneasily from one foot to another, making eye contact with a stilted sideways glance. Jarod read his body language and braced for the bad news he sensed was coming.
"I told Lyle I'd talk to you about doing simulations again." Sidney finally said. It was the truth. Sidney had agreed to discuss it and he knew he'd delayed as long as he could. He knew Jarod would not easily comply, not even out of loyalty to him. But, he also knew his future at the Centre depended in large measure on his success at readapting Jarod to the Pretender Project. Failure in this regard was unacceptable. Sidney felt a cold chill pass through him. The Centre was an unforgiving master.
Jarod was speechless. His world spun. He felt as if someone had sucked the air out of his lungs. How could Sidney even suggest that!? He felt off balance, unsure. He'd been certain Sidney understood why he couldn't do any more simulations. Sidney had seen the same news clippings he had. They both knew what their work had been used for. Jarod was clear he could never do simulations for them again. His shock was that Sidney didn't already understand that. His face revealed alternately horror, and disbelief.
"I can't do that, Sidney." Jarod finally stammered, still shocked Sidney had even agreed to bring it up with him. Sidney could see emotions begin to churn inside his pretender. Conviction filled Jarod's voice as he announced, "I won't. I won't help them!" Jarod's eyes became dark and hard. There was no questioning his resolve.
Jarod stared into Sidney's eyes accusing the elder man of complicity. "You know what they've done with my work." Jarod said in a near whisper as he clenched his teeth, fighting back waves of emotion. In his mind, a thousand snap shots of simulations over the years flashed by followed by news clippings he'd later found of how those same simulations had been played out in all manor of death and destruction. Jarod's eyes were wet again, threatening to spill tears. The weight of innocent lives taken or ruined by things he'd thought up weighed heavily on his soul. Unlike before, these tears spoke to vengeance as much as grief. Jarod's stomach raged with acid.
Sidney stepped closer, pleading for Jarod to see reason. Sidney brought up his hands as he tried to placate his pretender with the gesture. "Jarod, I know how you must feel, but..." Sidney stopped speaking when he saw the look in Jarod's eyes.
Jarod's eyes burned into the other man's face with a look as near hate as Sidney had ever seen in his protégé. Jarod's words cut Sidney off before the older man could return to his thought. "You don't know!" He shouted as he leaned toward Sidney, stopped by the length of chain that held him in place. Jarod closed his eyes, squeezing them tight. He refocused, controlling his emotions, and took a breath. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze felt like a laser trained on Sidney.
Jarod forced his voice to be steady. He spoke with intensity equal to his last words, but a quieter more controlled tone, "You don't know, Sidney. You don't know how it feels to meet the orphaned child of the man dead because you thought up a better way to bomb an airplane or execute an assassination." Emotion infused Jarod's words. "You don't know what it feels like to know everything you've done has been used to destroy innocent people's lives. You don't know..." Jarod's voice quivered. He couldn't finish. A tear spilled onto his cheek. Internally, his chest felt as if it was exploding as pressure built up with no where to go. Jarod refused to forgive himself for what he'd been a part of. He simply couldn't.
The sense of responsibility and incredible guilt Jarod felt, enveloped him. Jarod saw Sidney wince as he maintained eye contact with his mentor, but he refused to look away. He wanted Sidney to see it what he'd helped create. He wanted Sidney to understand.
Jarod's eyes burned fire as the rest of his face spoke to the pain at knowing he'd become a weapon in the hands of the Centre. He'd been used not just to hurt others but to destroy them. He'd been used to tear apart families and separate fathers and mothers from their children. He'd been a part of doing to others what had been done to him. And, that was what he couldn't forgive himself for.
Jarod let his eyes finish what his voice couldn't. His gaze felt like acid on Sidney's soul. Sidney knew Jarod was right. He also knew Jarod's guilt was misplaced. He'd been project head, Jarod had simply been a project "component". As Sidney looked into Jarod's eyes, he came face to face with the fact he'd never truly know what it was to be in his pretender's shoes.
Jarod slumped back against the post, but he kept his eyes locked on Sidney's. He felt emotionally spent. His mind was clouded with all the ways his work, his thoughts, had been used to hurt others and how Sidney had been a part of it. The continued conflict between his deep affection for Sidney and his incredible sense of betrayal stormed on within the pretender. Unable to resolve it once again, Jarod looked away, breaking eye contact with Sidney.
Jarod swallowed hard, looking defeated. "Those were lives ~I~ look, Sidney." Jarod said quietly, his voice catching as he fought back tears.
Sidney stood silent, his hands having dropped to his side. Sidney struggled to find words. This time his voice was somber. "If there is blood on your hands, it's on mine as well." He said firmly.
Sidney sighed and continued calmly, his words a confession as much as a concession to Jarod. "You were a child... and a prisoner here. I was not."
Sidney's reticence to the admission was obvious. He'd intentionally chosen to blind himself to the cold truth of the nature of his work with Jarod for far too many years. Even now, it was difficult for him to fathom the villainy he'd been part of. Though he distanced himself from the emotions so obvious in Jarod, he too felt the weight of the lives he'd effected.
Sidney had engineered the Pretender project. He known it's potential. He'd simply trusted that the Centre would use Jarod's gift to better the world. He'd once trusted the Tower. Back then he'd been naive, but later he'd simply permitted himself to ignore the truth or excuse his actions in the name of science. He'd long since known nothing as noble as "science" could justify what he'd done. The truth was, Sidney hadn't wanted to know what the Centre did with the simulations. He cared only that Jarod was protected, that his gift was developed to it's full potential. Now, Sidney lived with the burden of his inaction. He only wished he could ease Jarod's guilt, or perhaps his own.
Knowing he had no choice, Sidney returned to the subject of simulations. The Centre did not care about the emotional toll it would take on Jarod if he returned to work. They simply demanded that he would. Sidney was here to ensure that would happen. Sidney spoke again, his voice hesitant. "Jarod," he said, pausing to precisely measure his next words, "If you don't help them... you know what they will do to you."
Sidney's face remained calm, clinically neutral as always, but Jarod knew him well enough to read past that to the emotion inside. Sidney was afraid for him. Perhaps Sidney was afraid for himself as well. Jarod simply nodded in response and looked away. Jarod knew very well the kinds of things the Centre and Lyle were capable of. He also knew he would not allow himself to be used by them again. It no longer mattered what happened to him. To Jarod, what happened to him had been of little consequence for some time. In the darkness of that moment Jarod took comfort in the memory of the faces of those whom he'd helped since his escape four years earlier. He hoped they'd be his legacy, his penance - if it came to that.
It seemed clear the subject of simulations was closed. Sidney sighed and raised his hand to his chin, rubbing his face regretfully. He paused, looking back at Jarod and considered his next words carefully. He glanced over his shoulder before speaking. He unconsciously put his hand near his mouth, partly obscuring his face as he spoke. "I can't help you, Jarod. They're watching me very closely." he said looking pained.
Sidney's anguish about the truth of his statement was palpable. Sidney knew the limits of what would be tolerated. His loyalty was already in question. The Centre had to believe he still held their priorities above his own if he wanted to live long enough to see Nicolas give him a grandson. Sidney cared for Jarod, but he was a pragmatic man. He'd surrendered his illusions years before. He had not yet found a way to do any more than simply get access to Jarod. He privately doubted his ability to truly help Jarod when it came to his incarceration at the Centre.
Jarod half smiled, not quite meeting Sidney's eyes. "I understand." He said, though his emotions told a different tale. Jarod managed to speak the words in a steady voice, though he felt himself again in tune with one of his oldest and deepest wounds, betrayal. It echoed the ache that came from lacking a family; lacking people who loved ~him~. Jarod was aware of the delicate position Sidney was in. Sidney had his own family to protect. Jarod winced inwardly. ~His family.~ Jarod knew that no matter how much Sidney cared for him, at some level, he would always be Sidney's "subject," not his son.
Sidney swallowed hard, wishing there was more he could say, knowing nothing he said would make a difference now. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He managed. They both knew there was little either of them could do to improve Jarod's situation in the near term. Jarod nodded, and Sidney retreated toward the door, relieved to be free of Jarod's gaze.
Suddenly, Jarod's head turned. He called out to Sidney, hoping he wasn't gone yet. "Sidney!" He shouted, the urgency clear in his voice. He needed Sidney to hear one more thing before he left.
"Yes, Jarod." Sidney said as he stopped. He turned and walked back into Jarod's line of sight. Sidney was attuned to the tone of Jarod's voice and knew whatever Jarod had to say, it was important.
"I won't give up, Sidney." Jarod promised. Sidney wasn't sure if it was confidence or desperation he heard behind the words. What he did know was that Jarod was not yet defeated. Jarod locked eyes once again with his mentor. Passion and conviction replaced the pain in he'd seen a few minutes before. Sidney stood breathless, taken off guard by Jarod's surprising resilience.
"I'll never give up." Jarod repeated again, more confident this time. He held Sidney's gaze until Sidney nodded in response. Sidney recalled Jarod had told him that the first time when he was ten years old. Sidney had since come to believe that his charge was speaking the truth. One thing was certain, Jarod would never give up wanting his freedom and wanting back the family the Centre had taken from him, no matter how long he had to wait for them.
Sidney also recognized that Jarod was asking for someone to believe him. He needed that. Perhaps it was the one gift he still could give his pretender. Sidney turned on one foot, facing Jarod. "I know, Jarod. I know." He said. His voice sounded fatherly again. His role as teacher and mentor again forefront in his mind.
Sidney wished he could reassure Jarod further, but there was nothing he could do. Sidney saw Jarod's body relax and he hoped his words had been a comfort in some small way. He hoped Jarod wouldn't give up. There needed to be idealists in the world, even if he no longer had the strength for it.
Sidney turned and walked back toward the door of the bio lab. He reached for the handle and turned it, stepping through what looked like a door from a ship or a submarine. Once on the outside, he turned the small wheel that acted as a handle on the door, sealing it. Sidney intuitively shivered as he adjusted to the lighting in the hallway. Something visceral inside him rebelled at the experience of being inside a prison, even though he was not the prisoner.
Sidney knew it was time to make another visit to Lyle's office. He walked quickly to the elevator. Inside the lab on the other side of the steel door, Jarod listened to Sidney's heavy footfalls fade into the distance. He was alone again.
Lyle's office
Lyle sat in a high leather backed chair enjoying a $300.00 cigar and vintage bottle of wine from the Chairman's private reserve. He was congratulating himself. The Chairman, ~Dad~, had been very pleased that the Centre's most valuable asset had been returned intact. As a reward for the job well done, Lyle was being placed in charge of Jarod for the time being.
Lyle mentally reviewed his next tactical move. He knew it would be important to produce revenue quickly. Jarod's value to him was in the immediate cash flow he would create through a variety of covert military contracts. Lyle had many plans for the Centre, most of which required a lack of oversight from the Triumvirate. He knew they would care little about how the Centre was run if the books remained well in the black. If he could get Jarod working again, everything would fall into place.
Lyle saw Sidney coming down the hall through the glass of his office door some time before Sidney could see him. Sidney looked as if he was marching for war. His face was stern and his body was stiff. Lyle's face broke into a cunning smile. Things were going just as he'd expected.
Lyle's smiled relaxed. A warm tingling sense of satisfaction washed over him. He knew he had the upper hand. He possessed the one thing Sidney wanted, Jarod. Lyle had not only claimed Sidney's prized pet, he'd proven he was the better man. Sidney would have never brought Jarod back. Sidney was too soft. Lyle toasted himself congratulations, lifting his glass in the direction of Sidney's approaching figure before he took a sip.
Lyle continued watching Sidney as he passed another office, moving ever near to his own. Lyle had never liked the psychiatrist. Lyle found those in the psychiatric community often irritated him. Sidney was no exception to that rule. They were all too busy worrying about the well being of their charges to get anything done. In fact, the only physician Lyle had ever liked had been Raines. Raines seemed to be a man of action. He admired the way the codger maintained power and how his adversaries feared him.
Thinking of Raines brought a smile to Lyle's face. He respected his colleague and felt understood by him. He had since he'd first met Dr. Raines when he was a teenager. Even then Lyle had felt the true measure of a man was to be found in the level of dominance he attained. It was the natural order. He'd learned that as a child from his father and from watching the animals he hunted in the woods.
Another thought passed into Lyle's consciousness. It was the memory of his tyrannical father locking him in the dark woodshed for days at a time. The image wiped the smile from Lyle's face. He reached for the bottle of wine on his desk, refilling his glass. He gulped down the burgundy liquid and filled the glass again. "I learned a lot about dominance from my father." He thought darkly.
Lyle turned and his eyes followed Sidney as he cross the final distance to Lyle's office. Sidney's face was serious as he advanced down the corridor. He walked with purpose, Lyle noted with pleasure. Lyle had been waiting for Sidney. Lyle had once learned to play chess from Mr. Raines. He now enjoyed applying those same principles to his interactions with Sidney. "Every thing is about position and strategic advantage." he thought.
It had been easy enough for Lyle to redirect Miss Parker. The chairman has been kind enough to accommodate Lyle's suggestion that his daughter would both be happier and easier to control at Corporate. Mr. Parker understood his daughter would be less of a ~problem~ if she no longer had access to Jarod. Miss Parker was far too attached to him. Lyle doubted she'd have the will to force Jarod to comply with the needs of the Centre. Mr. Parker had agreed and consequently, the chairman himself had expedited Miss Parker's transfer. Managing Sidney would be more complicated.
As Sidney reached the door, Lyle swiveled in his chair to face him head on, taking a puff on his cigar as Sidney entered the room. Lyle greeted Sidney with a nod as he exhaled smoke in Sidney's direction. Lyle didn't bother to suppress his pleasure at seeing the older man so provoked.
"Lyle." Sidney growled the words as he entered, pausing and wrinkling his nose at the less than pleasant scent of the cigar smoke in the air.
"Have a seat, Sidney." Lyle said, gesturing toward the chair nearest his guest. Sidney strolled across Lyle's office, stopping near his desk. Sidney elected to ignore Lyle's suggestion of sitting. He was too angry to sit.
"What are you doing with Jarod." Sidney demanded, his eyes accusing Lyle of a crime. Lyle noted the older man was angry, but he was also in command of his emotions. Sidney knew better than to fly off the handle. Lyle smiled. He was going to enjoy this.
"I'm doing exactly what I want to do." Lyle said. Turning his head to the side, he blew a ring of smoke. Turning back to face Sidney he added, "And... you don't have anything to say about it." Lyle sat forward in his chair, placing his elbows on his desk. He leveled his eyes with Sidney's. If the old man had come to fight, Lyle'd gladly take him on.
Sidney paused slightly before he spoke again. It was subtle, but Lyle was certain he saw Sidney's confidence waver. Lyle loved that moment. It signaled he had won. In Lyle's view, everything, every moment of life, was a contest, a struggle for power. He felt warmth spreading through his chest. He wasn't sure if the source was the wine or the intoxication of power he now wielded over Sidney.
Sidney seemed to regroup and tried another tact. "You can't expect Jarod to cooperate when he's being treated like this." He said. Sidney resented having to plead his case to Lyle. Jarod was his. He had engineered the Pretender project when Lyle was still learning to tie his shoelaces. Struggling now for control of that same project seemed ludicrous to the elder man.
"Maybe you don't know your ~lab rat~ as well as I do." Lyle said in a sly voice. Sidney flinched at Lyle's characterization of Jarod. Lyle enjoyed watching Sidney's response. Lyle relaxed back into his chair. Swiveling to the left, he reclined slightly. Lyle feigned lack of interest in Sidney's words. It was a calculated attempt to display his command of the situation.
Sidney knew that, but felt himself respond automatically. Sidney's face grew hot and flushed. He knew Lyle was a cog in a much larger machine, something Lyle had yet to learn. Sidney had managed to survive inside the Centre for thirty years. He'd out maneuvered men like Lyle before, when they got in the way of his work. Sidney knew both how to protect his interests and to protect Jarod. He'd been doing it longer than Lyle had been able to spell 'pretender'.
Sidney pressed his lips together and then spoke directly to Lyle. "Jarod needs rest. He needs food. He needs to recover from the trauma of his capture." He stated flatly, though his eyes seemed to shoot daggers at Lyle. "If you don't give these things to him, Jarod will not be useful." Sidney added.
Then, Sidney's voice became calmer. "If he is damaged, it's not just the chairman who will have to answer to the Triumvirate." Sidney said in a tone more reminiscent of a friendly warning than a threat. Sidney watched Lyle's internal composure flicker. Sidney suppressed a smile.
Lyle leaned forward in his chair extending his arm and balancing his cigar on the edge of an ashtray. He straightened his tie, then looked Sidney in the eye. "I'm in charge. I'll do things my way. I'm not the one who lost Jarod in the first place." He said, speaking each word with the confidence only a 32-year-old corporate climber can have. Sidney'd lived too long to possess the same bravado. He looked away, suppressing the urge to laugh. Lyle was no more in control of the situation than he was.
Sidney stood in silence for a moment, then turned, seeing a chair beside him. He stepped to it and sat. His mind and body felt tired. It was easier for the moment to surrender to Lyle's authority. Sidney knew this battle didn't matter. It was the larger war over who'd work with Jarod that did. Sidney knew he'd need to keep Lyle on his side until his colleagues in the Tower saw reason.
Sidney also knew Lyle wanted to see him submit, so he decided to play that role. He knew it best not to tip his hand to the truth of how he'd handle Lyle just yet. Sidney placed a hand on each knee and took a deep breath. Today's battle had been fought. It was time to report his findings to his superior of the moment. He looked at Lyle and began.
"I spoke to Jarod about working for the Centre again." Sidney reported. He was now simply going through the motions of notifying Lyle of Jarod's response. His voice revealed his fatigue, though it was more mild than he hoped Lyle would infer. Sidney knew how to use Lyle's image of him as an "old man" to his advantage. He was not so weak as the younger man assumed.
Gesturing with one hand, Lyle broke in, "And let me guess. Jarod said 'no'." He'd anticipated Jarod's response before he'd sent Sidney down to talk with him. Sidney nodded. Lyle remained calm, assuming a casual pose intended to communicate his comfort and control of the situation. He seemed to think for a moment and cocked his head to one side.
Sidney watched Lyle, only slightly annoyed. Then Sidney continued, saying. "Jarod doesn't trust the Centre. He ..."
Lyle interrupted again, this time he locked eyes with the older man, "He doesn't trust you, Sid." Lyle said as he tapped a finger on the desk. Lyle raised his eyebrows, increasing the intensity of his gaze. "Your job is to get him to look past that."
Sidney sat up straighter. His offence was obvious in his posture. In Sidney's mind, Lyle hadn't earned the right to make such bold accusations. From Sidney's view, Lyle understood nothing about his relationship with Jarod.
part 3
by TerriH
Miss Parker's Office - Centre Corporate Tower
Miss Parker walked in to her new office and surveyed the surroundings. her desk was situated near a window overlooking the Centre's botanical Garden. Her new office was small, but well furnished. Her files had been boxed up overnight and brought up from her prior office on the Operations sublevel. The boxes currently lay in a stack near a cherry credenza on her right. A neglected office plant sat on top; it's leaves slowly shifting from green to yellow. Parker smirked she looked at it. There seemed to be a metaphor to her career in the withered leaves. She turned away, walking to her desk and put down her attaché. She sat on the corner of her new desk, surveying the room.
Parker had arrived at 9:00 and met her new assistant, Amber, whom she'd immediately asked to find her a cup of coffee. Parker rolled her eyes. Amber was the epitome of everything she didn't want to be. She was mousy and subservient and much too perky for nine in the morning. She also appeared efficient, Parker noted as she saw her assistant returning down the corridor.
"Thank god for small favors." Parker uttered under her breath as Amber returned with a fresh cup of coffee. Amber handed Parker the coffee in a white French china cup. Parker lifted an eyebrow and nodded her thanks. "God, I need this today." She sighed.
Amber chirped up. "Well, you have a busy first day, Miss Parker." She said and smiled in a manor Parker assumed was intended to be friendly. Continuing, Amber added, "You have a 10:00 with Chambers over in Contracts and Litigation and an 11:00 with Business Services." Parker nearly choked on her coffee. Amber didn't seem to notice. Looking up to the ceiling as if reading notes she'd left there, she continued. "And then... you have a luncheon with the Executive Services Liaison."
Having finished her report, Amber looked back at Miss Parker. Amber felt pleased with herself. She thought she'd done a good job showing her new boss what an efficient secretary she was. She smiled and waited for instructions.
"Some first day." Parker sighed. It seemed best to establish boundaries now. This was ~not~ going to work. Parker stood from the desk, stepping in toward her diminutive assistant. Parker was only an inch taller, but the patent leather stilettos she'd worn allowed her to tower over the young blond. Parker stepped closer to her assistant, locking eyes in a way that prevented the young woman from stepping back despite her obvious discomfort.
"Let's get this straight right now, Amber." Parker said, her tone ensured her presence, as the dominant one of the pair was clear. "From now on, I schedule my own appointments. Understood?" Amber nodded quickly and stepped back. Her face flushed red. Miss Parker wasn't like any executive she'd ever worked for before. She looked down and pulled at the edge of her sweater self-consciously.
"Now, run along." Miss Parker said, motioning for Amber to leave. Amber turned and walked quickly to the door. Parker stepped back, leaning on the desk again. She savored the fact she still had some power to intimidate, even if it was only over her assistant.
Then, Parker called out to her new secretary. "Get me the files I'll need for my 10:00. Now." She said. Her voice was terse considering it was only a quarter after nine in the morning. Amber nodded but didn't turn to face her boss as she quickly closed the door to Parker's office behind her. She felt quite flustered and was relieved to have a few minutes to compose herself before returning to Parker's office.
Parker thought it looked as though the young woman was practically retreating, rather than simply returned to her desk. "I think I scared her." Parker thought to herself and smiled as she returned to her coffee. Her face looked tired and her body felt weary. Parker sighed again looking glum. It ~was~ going to be a long day.
After a few more minutes of absorbing caffeine, Miss Parker felt ready to work. She stood and circled her desk, sitting in the high backed leather chair she'd had sent up from her old office. Her thoughts involuntarily turned to Jarod. She felt removed from the incarnation of her life that had her chasing him daily, but old habits die hard. She wondered where he was, and how he'd been caught.
Within hours of discovering the DSA of Jarod's return to the Centre, she'd been handed an interoffice memo stating she was being reassigned effective immediately. She'd gone to her father and demanded he reverse the directive, but he claimed it was out of his hands. She doubted that, but it was obvious he wanted her gone.
Parker's blood pressure raised a bit as she thought about it. If it hadn't been her father, she'd not have accepted his answer. She was not typically willing to be ordered off an assignment without explanation. She was a Parker. She deserved respect. But, with her father, everything was different. She felt small and insecure for a moment as her mind turned to her powerful man who was so often the source of conflicted emotions for her. She massaged her temples. It seemed impossible for all that to have happened just yesterday. Today now seemed like an entirely different world.
Miss Parker drummed her fingers on her desk, nursing the last of the warm coffee from her cup as she waited for Amber to bring her the files she needed. Miss Parker reviewed yesterday's events in her mind. She'd spoken to Sidney last night, having surmised he'd go see Jarod in the morning. With a little persuasion, Sidney had confirmed his plans to do just that. Sidney had apparently negotiated with Lyle to get time with Jarod before he'd left for the day last night.
Miss Parker made a face. The thought of negotiating anything with Lyle turned her stomach. Parker set her cup down and reflexively touched her abdomen feeling the soft cashmere of her skirted suit. Her ulcer was responding to medication, but coffee often reminded her it was there. Thinking about Lyle had the same effect.
Parker wondered how Sidney's appointment with Jarod would go. She felt a touch of envy that Sidney would be seeing him. As annoying as Jarod could be, he'd also been a sort of invisible companion these last four years. She felt connected to him in a way she couldn't explain and refused to admit to anyone including herself. She deafly avoided fleeting thoughts of Jarod that were more personal. She didn't have time for "softer" emotions toward anyone, not even Jarod.
On a professional level, as frustrating as he could be, Jarod was also a challenge she enjoyed. He'd been difficult to catch and clever in evading her. Parker rarely found an opponent she admired as much as Jarod. She felt fondness for him despite his annoying habit of sending her chasing her tail. She considered with some distress that her feeling toward Jarod should more correctly be ire, but it wasn't. She chose not to follow that train of thought. Instead, she let her mind wander.
Jarod came to mind again. Parker considered him for a moment, looking unseeing across her office. He had time and time again toyed with her emotions as he manipulated her into finding the answers about her mother that he wanted her to find. "But," she thought, "At least he doesn't lie to me." She tilted her head to one side, picturing her father's face in her mind's eye.
The last four years had made her considerably more cynical about the Centre and it's chairman, her father. Miss Parker knew how to choose her battles, however, and the transfer to corporate wasn't one she could win. She'd recognized that early on and accepted her fate. "Know thy enemy." She mumbled into her coffee.
The intercom buzzed on the phone. Miss Parker reached for it and clicked the button activating the speaker. "What!" she called annoyed into the black box.
"I have those files ready for you." Amber chimed back, sounding a bit repentant for interrupting her. "Should I bring them in now?" she asked. Amber's voice was a bit too tentative for Miss Parker's tastes. Something in the tone gave her the urge to strike at the woman. Parker resisted the impulse.
"Yes. I told you I wanted them immediately, so now would be good." Parker said in a sarcastic voice. She clicked the intercom off and took a deep breath. She'd once enjoyed the prestige of Corporate but she'd been out of the game for 4 years. She had a lot of catching up to do. If it was possible for Miss Parker to feel intimidated, she did now. The mental whiplash of the last 24 hours was catching up to her.
Amber slipped into Parker's office, placing the files in front of her in the center of her desk. Then, she turned and quickly scurried out. Parker's eyes twinkled as she watched her assistant scamper out the door. She chuckled to herself. "That's right. You know who's boss now, don't you." She said in a sly voice, smiling with one side of her mouth a bit more than the other. Her eyes looked devious. She was enjoying the moment. Miss Parker wasn't a cruel woman, but she understood the Centre. She understood that strength, the appearance of it at least, was crucial to her survival there.
Then Parker's expression softened. She fingered the rough brown paper of the first file for a moment before flipping it open. She wasn't really interested in Contracts and Litigation, so she allowed herself a moment of melancholy before she dove into the meat of Contract File 64R/128-69A. She missed Jarod. Taking a deep breath, she flipped open the file. She'd delayed long enough.
Parker knew she needed to change gears if she wanted to succeed at Corporate. She was determined to arrive at her 10:00 meeting prepared to do business. She was hungry to be a player, a winner again. Growing up, Miss Parker had excelled at sports. As she saw it, business was simply sports on paper.
Parker began reading quickly. The file was a prepared brief that outlined current Centre contract negotiations with an Israeli technology development firm. She sighed, and leaned forward on one elbow, scanning the pages as quickly as possible. "It ~is~ going to be a long day." She thought again.
The Centre - Sublevel 14, Biohazard Lab 4
Jarod had recovered his emotional balance and his sense of humor had returned. "It's amazing what you can get used to." he thought to himself. He smiled, and felt his mind relax despite the cramping in his muscles from the constant tension of his restraints. "It's not so bad, once you get over the aching joints and cold and hunger....and.."' the thought trailed off. Then he chuckled to himself. "Who am I trying to convince?" Jarod thought, shaking his head amused. A certain dark sense of humor was required to survive with one's sanity intact inside the Centre. Jarod most certainly possessed it.
Jarod stood against a concrete post near the center of the lab with his arms pulled up and back behind him with his wrists secured to a chain above. His feet were shackled, severely limiting his ability to move. He faced away from the door and could see little of the lab. His view consisted primarily of a small table bolted to the floor a few feet in front of him and the gray concrete and steel reinforced walls that surrounded him. This room was all he'd seen since the sweepers had brought him there the day before.
Jarod wore only black cotton pants reminiscent of pajama bottoms. They'd been part of his 'uniform' during his original internment at the Center as a child; a time he'd hoped he'd one day forget. Lyle had supplied them, he assumed, as a way to remind Jarod of "the good old days".
Jarod shifted. The post had rough spots that occasionally caught on skin of his back. As he felt one, he was reminded that Lyle had neglected to give him a shirt the day before when he'd ordered the sweepers to restrain him there. The texture of the concrete post behind him had become familiar to his back in the 24 hours since then.
Jarod reasoned that Lyle hadn't given him a shirt because he intended for Jarod to feel "exposed" and therefore more vulnerable. "Lyle likes a metaphor." he thought to himself, half smiling. Even in these circumstance, he found Lyle more often amusing than frightening. He could be a dangerous man, but, as Jarod saw it, he was not difficult to understand.
Jarod looked around the room again. The walls showed seams periodically, but aside from that, they were smooth monoliths whose appearance only enhanced the cold silence in the room. Looking up, Jarod could see a tangle of ductwork and electrical conduit running through a high ceiling. Just below the shiny metal ducting was a surveillance camera. It was aimed directly at him. Jarod suspected there were several others in the room as well. Lyle had prepared this lab especially for him, or so he'd claimed when he had the sweepers drag Jarod in there the day before. Lyle'd called this lab his special "containment unit". Jarod surmised that meant he'd added extra security.... and that no one else knew he was there.
Lost in his own thoughts, Jarod jumped, startled when the hiss of the airlock announced someone entering the room. He'd not heard the sounds of footsteps coming down the corridor. Consequently, he couldn't deduce who his most recent visitor was likely to be. His heart accelerated and his mouth went dry in response to this latest surprise. An adrenaline release was automatic whenever something unexpected happened at the Centre. It had been that way since he was brought here as a young child. He'd always known that surprises rarely portended good news in a place like this. The vulnerability he felt as a result of being restrained increased the effect.
Jarod's head automatically turned to see who was there. "It shouldn't be Lyle. He was just here." Jarod reasoned to himself. Jarod's stomach clenched and his mouth tasted acid. "Perhaps Lyle has contrived some new way of ~welcoming~ me home." Jarod thought as he inwardly winced. The corners of his mouth turned down as he clenched his teeth, fighting back both anger and fear. Bitterness crept back into the pretender's mind. He truly hated this place and what they'd done to him.
Jarod couldn't see the doorway from his current position due to the direction he was facing and the width of the concrete post. He'd have to wait for whoever was entering the lab to step into view. Having to wait increased his anxiety. The tension in Jarod's stomach took on a hollow character with a cold stone at the core. A nearly imperceptible shiver ran up his spine, raising the hair on his arms. For a moment he was trapped in twilight between his own memories and the florescent lights of the lab. The moment of anticipating something terrible about to happen to him was familiar from a thousand simulations.
Jarod closed his eyes. He forced himself to take a deep breath and calm himself. "There is no reason to believe..." Jarod begun saying to himself. Then his eyes popped back open. There ~was~ reason to believe something worth his adrenal response was about to happen. Assuming otherwise was foolish. He'd lived at the Centre long enough to know ~that~ with absolute certainty.
Jarod looked at the ground, consciously assuming control of his countenance. His face took on a neutral expression, cold eyes masking his internal world. He raised his eyes to meet his unknown guest. He faced forward, locking his gaze on the wall across from him waiting for his visitor to proceed far enough into the lab that he could see him. Jarod appeared to be the epitome of control.
Seconds passed, feeling like an eternity to the pretender. Whoever was inside the lab, was approaching him quietly. The footfalls were soft, but heavy. Forgetting his composure for a moment, Jarod turned his head, trying to see who was there. He pressed his cheek hard into the concrete post behind him trying to see past the gray concrete that blocked his view. His mask of composure had slipped. Jarod fought to push down the panic that threatened to erupt. He tried to edge over in the direction of his visitor, but the sensation of his shoulder being pulled apart as he stretched the limits of the restraint stopped him from doing more than shifting over a fraction of an inch.
Jarod heard the voice before he could see anyone.
"Jarod?" Sidney's concern was obvious from the single word. Sidney was shocked to see his pretender standing, bound hand and foot to a concrete support post in the center of the lab. The DSA he'd seen the day before hadn't included that image.
Jarod recognized Sidney's slight Belgian accent immediately. Tears welled up in his eyes as the false bravado dropped away and his fear evaporated. The man who'd raised him had come to his side. Jarod's mind was electric with conflicting thoughts and feelings. Sidney was the only person Jarod had ever felt loved him. Sidney had never said those words, but Jarod chose to believe the feelings were there. He needed them to be there.
Sidney was only parent Jarod could remember. He yearned for Sidney's comfort and companionship but he'd not dared to hope that he'd come. Jarod hadn't even been sure Sidney would know he was back at the Centre, much less where he was being kept. Now, hearing Sidney's voice released a flood of pent up emotions in the pretender.
Sidney took another step and came into view. Jarod began weeping, allowing his emotions to flow freely. Sidney advanced, stopping a few feet in front of Jarod. He felt an instinctual urge to comfort Jarod, but he resisted. Sidney glanced at the security camera opposite Jarod and hesitated. He didn't want to look overly excited to see his pretender. The Centre was watching. Instead, he walked ahead, stopping a few feet in front of Jarod directly across from him.
Sidney yearned to protect Jarod, to shelter him. Jarod had been a son of sorts for nearly thirty years. Sidney knew he cared for Jarod as much as he cared for anyone, alive or dead. This only added to the guilt he felt about the crimes he'd been a part of committing upon Jarod during his youth at the Centre.
Sidney's guilt increased as he viewed Jarod's battered body in person. A dull ache spread in Sidney's chest. He wished he could embrace the younger man but knew it was too dangerous. Sidney hesitated a moment, postponing looking at Jarod's face, meeting his eyes.
Sidney's eyes ran over the pretender's body, cataloging minor injuries here and there. His ribs were badly bruised on his left side. There were several abrasions on his arms and neck. None of the injuries were serious enough to threaten Jarod's life, but they all bore testament to what the last twenty-four hours had held for him. Sidney's face shown concern for Jarod and anger at what was being done to him. The vile nature of life at the Centre was etched in every bruise and mark Sidney saw.
Catching Sidney's eyes, Jarod spoke. "Sidney..." he said. His voice trembling.
The intensity of the moment was obvious in Jarod's dark intelligent eyes. Sidney could see Jarod's eyes were still filled with tears. A mix of relief and grief washed over the pretender's face. Sidney could see that Jarod wished he hadn't seen him like this, confined, caged. But, Jarod's shame seemed to be tempered by simple joy that the elder man had come at all. Jarod needed Sidney; he needed him to be there, perhaps more than he ever had before. Sidney hoped he could be the man Jarod needed him to be.
Having recovered his voice, Jarod spoke again. "I wasn't sure they'd let you see me." he managed to say. His voice was childlike and quiet.
"They weren't going to. I changed their minds." Sidney answered quietly.
Sidney met Jarod's gaze slowly. Then, he locked eyes with his beloved charge. Sidney delayed revealing his purpose in coming, wishing his official reason for being there was different. Jarod heard the silence that suggested Sidney had chosen to censor the rest of the bargain he'd made to make this visit possible. But, Jarod didn't care what deal had been made. He needed Sidney near. He'd contend with the consequences of his visit later.
The emotion on Jarod's face told Sidney a tale of conflicted and powerful emotions. Jarod's eyes brimmed with unspent tears. He'd felt so terribly alone since his return. The isolation had been more painful than anything Lyle had yet done to him. Having Sidney here beside him was more than he could have hoped for. His chin quivered as he fought to control the waves of emotions flowing through him. His 'refuge' had finally come.
Sidney thought back to the argument he'd had with Lyle the day before as he'd demanded to see Jarod. Jarod had been right to wonder if Sidney would be allowed to see him. There were many who wanted to prevent their meeting. Sidney was pleased he'd fought so hard to see his pretender. It was obvious it meant a great deal to Jarod that he'd come.
Sidney shifted his weight and took a half step forward, placing his hands in his pockets to prevent himself from reaching out to comfort Jarod. He was aware of the electronic eye behind him. Instead, Sidney's gentle eyes seemed to embrace Jarod. Jarod smiled slightly. Sidney appreciated the brave show, but he understood better than anyone else what being back at the Centre meant to his pretender. Sidney felt a twinge in his neck and swallowed hard. He needed to focus.
Sidney spoke again. His voice remaining quiet. His message was for Jarod, not the camera. "A man living his nightmares shouldn't have to do so alone." Sidney said. His eyes glistened wet. He truly did wish he could comfort his pretender.
Sidney's words released a second wave of emotion in Jarod. His face tightened into an anguished distorted mask. He squeezed his eyes shut as tears rolled down his cheeks. Sidney's words were comforting, but nothing could truly diminish despair Jarod felt as he assimilated the experience of being a prisoner again. Sidney sensed Jarod retreating so far inside himself that Sidney wondered if he would be lost. Sidney stepped closer, hoping his proximity would coax Jarod back out.
Despite all his years of counseling, Dr. Sidney Green could think of nothing to say that would ease the pain of his most important of clients. He'd never felt so inadequate, so impotent. Sidney looked away. Taking a deep breath, he allowed himself to feel the weight of his own flagitiousness. Sidney intuitively understood there was nothing he could say that would heal the emotional torment he was now saw. His role was simply to bare witness of it. Jarod deserved at least that. The silence between them seemed merciful. It gave both men a chance to honor intensity of the moment in a way words could not.
Sidney's eyes returned to Jarod's face, only to flee again as he saw the emotion tearing through him. It was painful to watch such a physically large and mentally strong man as Jarod in such depths of despair. Sidney stared at the ground, feeling the weight of his betrayal to the sacred oath of his profession, "do no harm." He felt responsible for Jarod's tears as much as anyone. Sidney silently cursed himself.
After a few minutes, the storm inside Jarod subsided. Sidney gathered courage and looked back at his pretender. He could see Jarod's shoulders beginning to relax. Jarod's eyes were closed, and his face was calmer. Jarod took in a deep breath that seemed to center him. He seemed very still, motionless. He seemed to be in a sort of a self-hypnotic state. Finally, Jarod opened his eyes, letting them drop to the floor. They were clear and sad, but he was back. He took several deep and controlled breaths reigning in the last of his emotions before he let his eyes meet Sidney's again.
Sidney's clinical mind asserted itself as he observed the change in Jarod's demeanor. Sidney noted a sense of inertia and containment within Jarod that he'd never completely understood. Jarod seemed to find internal resources that even Sidney hadn't imagined were there. Sidney still found himself surprised even after all these years at how resilient his pretender was. Despite his display of emotions a few moments before, Jarod now seemed genuinely recovered and in command of his emotions. In Sidney's judgment, Jarod had remained remarkably poised, considering the circumstance.
Sidney patiently waited for Jarod to be ready to interact. Jarod tentatively raised his eyes, meeting Sidney's again. Sidney noted in wonderment that there was still a sense of warmth that radiated from his pretender. He could still see hope in Jarod's eyes nestled along side the pain. The silence that connected the two men seemed too stalwart to break. Sidney nodded and raised one eyebrow, silently asking Jarod if he was all right. Jarod managed a small gentle smile in return. Sidney noted the dark shadow in Jarod's eyes remained despite the smile on his lips. It was remarkable to him that this boy, this man, in front of him had managed to remain as intact has he had despite all the violence he'd been subjected to over the years.
As Jarod returned Sidney's gaze, his eyes revealed his connection to the other man. His features were softer and almost childlike. Gone was the tension in his face. Jarod now allowed his true feelings to show, both the tender ones he felt for Sidney and his grief about his own current circumstances. He had never hidden himself from Sidney. Sidney had been his world, his confidant for over twenty years. Even after he left the Centre, Sidney had remained the only person he'd ever trusted; the only person he could ever be certain of.
Sidney meant more to Jarod than either man could understand or explain. Sidney had been the only anchor, the only light, for most of Jarod's life. Since leaving the Centre, Jarod had lived a life filled with sweepers and the constant need to keep moving, keep running. He'd occasionally had moments of closeness with others, but he never truly had the luxury of letting anyone else in. Sidney was still his only family.
Finally Sidney broke the silence. "How ~are~ you, Jarod?" he asked. Sidney's voice was cautious but Jarod could hear the genuineness of his concern. Sidney's eyes looked sad and worried. A line between his brows showed Sidney's apprehension about Jarod's mental and physical state. Jarod looked away, shifting his weight from one leg to the other self-consciously. He didn't want to disappoint his mentor. He didn't want to look weak.
"I've been through worse." Jarod finally said, trying to roll his eyes and make light of his situation. He managed a weak smile. Jarod met Sidney's eyes for a moment before he looked away again. Sidney returned the smile. He knew Jarod needed to be seen as strong and capable. He wished Jarod knew that he already saw him that way and that nothing Lyle forced him to do would change that. Sidney had already seen more strength in Jarod than he possessed himself. He admired the younger man more than Jarod would ever know.
Sidney suppressed a shiver. The image of Jarod trying to be strong as he stood chained in this lab was etching itself into Sidney's brain. His thoughts involuntarily turned to other disturbing images from his past. The recollections of train cars loaded with 'refugees' being 'resettled' by the Nazi's and the sounds and smells of burned out homes and factories momentarily inundated his thoughts. Sidney mentally shook himself. He knew the sight of Jarod chained in the lab would haunt him as those images had. "Perhaps," he thought, "This is the price I pay for looking away when I had the chance to do something." One last image came to mind, the radiant face of Catherine Parker followed by her graveside funeral.
Sidney forced himself back to the present. Gazing at Jarod, he shook his head, displeased with everything he saw. "It doesn't have to be this way," he thought. Sidney hoped the chairman would quickly realize this kind of manhandling was unnecessary. Raines had always been too quick to solve a problem with violence and Lyle followed the same pattern. Sidney believed that had been the primary flaw in the other men's attempts to produce pretenders on par with Jarod.
Sidney forced himself to refocus. He needed to clinically assess Jarod's condition. That's why he was there. That fact forced his mind past any remaining personal feelings for the man in front of him. He needed to know when Jarod would be able to work. He needed to know that he was ready to work for the Centre again.
"How long has it been since they gave you a meal or let you rest." Sidney asked. His voice was gentle, but Jarod could hear Sidney's displeasure with Lyle's tactics. Jarod couldn't help but smirk. His dark sense of humor had returned. A warm feeling spread in the pretender's chest. It had been a very long time since anyone had shown concern for him.
"Meal?" Jarod's eyes sparkled, the dry humor obvious to Sidney. Jarod's face took on an animated half smile and he shrugged. Sidney was pleased to see his pupil remained able to find humor in his plight. Sidney doubted Jarod truly felt as strong or as comfortable as he now looked, but the sight relieved him none the less. Perhaps Jarod truly was managing better than he'd supposed.
"I'll be okay, Sidney. Don't worry." Jarod said, sensing Sidney's uncertainty and need for reassurance. Sidney nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets, studying the pretender again. He was not certain how much of Jarod's rediscovered composure was genuine. He wondered how fragile his pretender really was.
Jarod was quickly uncomfortable with both the scrutiny and the silence. He looked away and the smile dropped from his face. Even when it was Sidney studying him, Jarod disliked the feeling of being a "subject." Sidney sensed his disquiet and attempted to make conversation.
"I'll talk to Lyle about your treatment." Sidney offered quietly, gesturing with one hand as if to say 'this is all I have to give you.' Sidney pressed his lips together, censoring his anger toward Lyle. Voicing it here would do Jarod no good.
Sidney quickly added. "You need some rest." As he nodded in Jarod's direction.
Jarod smiled again. Sidney's disapproval about his current situation remained apparent. Jarod felt warmth in his chest, the emotional equivalent of receiving a hug. He glanced at the ceiling and closed his eyes. "Even after all my time away, you still wanted to take care of me." He thought to himself. It felt reassuring to know he had a benefactor, but in his current surroundings of concrete and chains, however, Sidney's sentiment struck Jarod as truly comical. He resisted the urge to laugh.
Changing the subject, Jarod made eye contact with Sidney again. "How is Miss Parker?" he asked. He fidgeted, afraid of what the answer might be. He had tried to sound nonchalant despite his worries about her welfare. His feelings for Parker were more platonic than romantic, but they were strong. Parker had grown up with him, as nearly a sibling as he had at the time. She had become a beautiful woman. But, to him, she'd always be the traumatized child he'd heard screaming in the hallway after her mother had been shot. He loved her. He knew that. He just didn't know where that knowledge would lead him just yet.
Parker was one of the very few people whom Jarod felt close to. She knew first hand what it was to be a child growing up in the Centre. Speaking with her, he felt understood. There was no pretense. She knew exactly what he was and what he'd been doing for the Centre all these years. There was no need to explain or to justify. He could simply be himself. She didn't reject him or judge him. She'd been a child there too. There was an unspoken code between then that necessitated distance, but beneath is all was the knowledge that he loved her and always would. Right now he was worried. Lyle could easily use his capture against her.
"She's been transferred back to Corporate." Sidney answered. He spoke directly, watching for a reaction from Jarod. Jarod noticed the guarded response and gathered Sidney was trying to protect him again.
Jarod hesitated before responding. "Is she okay?" he asked. His voice more tentative than he might have liked. He looked into Sidney's eyes, searching them to see if he was telling the truth.
Sidney maintained eye contact, but a shadow crept into them. "She will be." He said simply. Then he added, "Right now her father is very happy you're back. She..." Sidney hesitated. "I think she is evaluating her options."
Miss Parker had only spoken to Sidney briefly since being told she'd been transferred. She'd behaved as if nothing of substance had changed. Sidney doubted the truth of how she was, was as simple as a change in her office location.
Sidney read Jarod's disappointment that his answer wasn't more personal. "You know she can't come here." Sidney said. He searched Jarod's eyes, mentally categorizing what he found.
Jarod nodded agreement, but looked sad and disappointed. Jarod wanted to ask if Parker missed him, but was afraid of what the answer might be. He often had the feeling that no one missed him. Perhaps that's why family was so important. As he understood it, family never forgets you. They never stop missing you. At least he hoped that was true. He knew he'd never stopped missing them...or at least the idea of them. He hoped that was true of his parents as well.
Silence grew between the two men again as each was lost in his own thoughts. Jarod enjoyed being with Sidney, but being there, being inside the Centre, was too painful to confront directly. He found his mind instinctively deflecting itself onto tangents of other thoughts. Some were questions he wanted to ask but was too afraid to vocalize. Others were observations that seemed out of place given the context. In the end, Jarod could think of nothing to say. Sidney, by contrast, had many things he needed to say. Just none he wanted to. His heart felt heavy, but he knew it was time.
Sidney again broke the silence with a confession. He shifted uneasily from one foot to another, making eye contact with a stilted sideways glance. Jarod read his body language and braced for the bad news he sensed was coming.
"I told Lyle I'd talk to you about doing simulations again." Sidney finally said. It was the truth. Sidney had agreed to discuss it and he knew he'd delayed as long as he could. He knew Jarod would not easily comply, not even out of loyalty to him. But, he also knew his future at the Centre depended in large measure on his success at readapting Jarod to the Pretender Project. Failure in this regard was unacceptable. Sidney felt a cold chill pass through him. The Centre was an unforgiving master.
Jarod was speechless. His world spun. He felt as if someone had sucked the air out of his lungs. How could Sidney even suggest that!? He felt off balance, unsure. He'd been certain Sidney understood why he couldn't do any more simulations. Sidney had seen the same news clippings he had. They both knew what their work had been used for. Jarod was clear he could never do simulations for them again. His shock was that Sidney didn't already understand that. His face revealed alternately horror, and disbelief.
"I can't do that, Sidney." Jarod finally stammered, still shocked Sidney had even agreed to bring it up with him. Sidney could see emotions begin to churn inside his pretender. Conviction filled Jarod's voice as he announced, "I won't. I won't help them!" Jarod's eyes became dark and hard. There was no questioning his resolve.
Jarod stared into Sidney's eyes accusing the elder man of complicity. "You know what they've done with my work." Jarod said in a near whisper as he clenched his teeth, fighting back waves of emotion. In his mind, a thousand snap shots of simulations over the years flashed by followed by news clippings he'd later found of how those same simulations had been played out in all manor of death and destruction. Jarod's eyes were wet again, threatening to spill tears. The weight of innocent lives taken or ruined by things he'd thought up weighed heavily on his soul. Unlike before, these tears spoke to vengeance as much as grief. Jarod's stomach raged with acid.
Sidney stepped closer, pleading for Jarod to see reason. Sidney brought up his hands as he tried to placate his pretender with the gesture. "Jarod, I know how you must feel, but..." Sidney stopped speaking when he saw the look in Jarod's eyes.
Jarod's eyes burned into the other man's face with a look as near hate as Sidney had ever seen in his protégé. Jarod's words cut Sidney off before the older man could return to his thought. "You don't know!" He shouted as he leaned toward Sidney, stopped by the length of chain that held him in place. Jarod closed his eyes, squeezing them tight. He refocused, controlling his emotions, and took a breath. When he opened his eyes again, his gaze felt like a laser trained on Sidney.
Jarod forced his voice to be steady. He spoke with intensity equal to his last words, but a quieter more controlled tone, "You don't know, Sidney. You don't know how it feels to meet the orphaned child of the man dead because you thought up a better way to bomb an airplane or execute an assassination." Emotion infused Jarod's words. "You don't know what it feels like to know everything you've done has been used to destroy innocent people's lives. You don't know..." Jarod's voice quivered. He couldn't finish. A tear spilled onto his cheek. Internally, his chest felt as if it was exploding as pressure built up with no where to go. Jarod refused to forgive himself for what he'd been a part of. He simply couldn't.
The sense of responsibility and incredible guilt Jarod felt, enveloped him. Jarod saw Sidney wince as he maintained eye contact with his mentor, but he refused to look away. He wanted Sidney to see it what he'd helped create. He wanted Sidney to understand.
Jarod's eyes burned fire as the rest of his face spoke to the pain at knowing he'd become a weapon in the hands of the Centre. He'd been used not just to hurt others but to destroy them. He'd been used to tear apart families and separate fathers and mothers from their children. He'd been a part of doing to others what had been done to him. And, that was what he couldn't forgive himself for.
Jarod let his eyes finish what his voice couldn't. His gaze felt like acid on Sidney's soul. Sidney knew Jarod was right. He also knew Jarod's guilt was misplaced. He'd been project head, Jarod had simply been a project "component". As Sidney looked into Jarod's eyes, he came face to face with the fact he'd never truly know what it was to be in his pretender's shoes.
Jarod slumped back against the post, but he kept his eyes locked on Sidney's. He felt emotionally spent. His mind was clouded with all the ways his work, his thoughts, had been used to hurt others and how Sidney had been a part of it. The continued conflict between his deep affection for Sidney and his incredible sense of betrayal stormed on within the pretender. Unable to resolve it once again, Jarod looked away, breaking eye contact with Sidney.
Jarod swallowed hard, looking defeated. "Those were lives ~I~ look, Sidney." Jarod said quietly, his voice catching as he fought back tears.
Sidney stood silent, his hands having dropped to his side. Sidney struggled to find words. This time his voice was somber. "If there is blood on your hands, it's on mine as well." He said firmly.
Sidney sighed and continued calmly, his words a confession as much as a concession to Jarod. "You were a child... and a prisoner here. I was not."
Sidney's reticence to the admission was obvious. He'd intentionally chosen to blind himself to the cold truth of the nature of his work with Jarod for far too many years. Even now, it was difficult for him to fathom the villainy he'd been part of. Though he distanced himself from the emotions so obvious in Jarod, he too felt the weight of the lives he'd effected.
Sidney had engineered the Pretender project. He known it's potential. He'd simply trusted that the Centre would use Jarod's gift to better the world. He'd once trusted the Tower. Back then he'd been naive, but later he'd simply permitted himself to ignore the truth or excuse his actions in the name of science. He'd long since known nothing as noble as "science" could justify what he'd done. The truth was, Sidney hadn't wanted to know what the Centre did with the simulations. He cared only that Jarod was protected, that his gift was developed to it's full potential. Now, Sidney lived with the burden of his inaction. He only wished he could ease Jarod's guilt, or perhaps his own.
Knowing he had no choice, Sidney returned to the subject of simulations. The Centre did not care about the emotional toll it would take on Jarod if he returned to work. They simply demanded that he would. Sidney was here to ensure that would happen. Sidney spoke again, his voice hesitant. "Jarod," he said, pausing to precisely measure his next words, "If you don't help them... you know what they will do to you."
Sidney's face remained calm, clinically neutral as always, but Jarod knew him well enough to read past that to the emotion inside. Sidney was afraid for him. Perhaps Sidney was afraid for himself as well. Jarod simply nodded in response and looked away. Jarod knew very well the kinds of things the Centre and Lyle were capable of. He also knew he would not allow himself to be used by them again. It no longer mattered what happened to him. To Jarod, what happened to him had been of little consequence for some time. In the darkness of that moment Jarod took comfort in the memory of the faces of those whom he'd helped since his escape four years earlier. He hoped they'd be his legacy, his penance - if it came to that.
It seemed clear the subject of simulations was closed. Sidney sighed and raised his hand to his chin, rubbing his face regretfully. He paused, looking back at Jarod and considered his next words carefully. He glanced over his shoulder before speaking. He unconsciously put his hand near his mouth, partly obscuring his face as he spoke. "I can't help you, Jarod. They're watching me very closely." he said looking pained.
Sidney's anguish about the truth of his statement was palpable. Sidney knew the limits of what would be tolerated. His loyalty was already in question. The Centre had to believe he still held their priorities above his own if he wanted to live long enough to see Nicolas give him a grandson. Sidney cared for Jarod, but he was a pragmatic man. He'd surrendered his illusions years before. He had not yet found a way to do any more than simply get access to Jarod. He privately doubted his ability to truly help Jarod when it came to his incarceration at the Centre.
Jarod half smiled, not quite meeting Sidney's eyes. "I understand." He said, though his emotions told a different tale. Jarod managed to speak the words in a steady voice, though he felt himself again in tune with one of his oldest and deepest wounds, betrayal. It echoed the ache that came from lacking a family; lacking people who loved ~him~. Jarod was aware of the delicate position Sidney was in. Sidney had his own family to protect. Jarod winced inwardly. ~His family.~ Jarod knew that no matter how much Sidney cared for him, at some level, he would always be Sidney's "subject," not his son.
Sidney swallowed hard, wishing there was more he could say, knowing nothing he said would make a difference now. "I'll be back as soon as I can." He managed. They both knew there was little either of them could do to improve Jarod's situation in the near term. Jarod nodded, and Sidney retreated toward the door, relieved to be free of Jarod's gaze.
Suddenly, Jarod's head turned. He called out to Sidney, hoping he wasn't gone yet. "Sidney!" He shouted, the urgency clear in his voice. He needed Sidney to hear one more thing before he left.
"Yes, Jarod." Sidney said as he stopped. He turned and walked back into Jarod's line of sight. Sidney was attuned to the tone of Jarod's voice and knew whatever Jarod had to say, it was important.
"I won't give up, Sidney." Jarod promised. Sidney wasn't sure if it was confidence or desperation he heard behind the words. What he did know was that Jarod was not yet defeated. Jarod locked eyes once again with his mentor. Passion and conviction replaced the pain in he'd seen a few minutes before. Sidney stood breathless, taken off guard by Jarod's surprising resilience.
"I'll never give up." Jarod repeated again, more confident this time. He held Sidney's gaze until Sidney nodded in response. Sidney recalled Jarod had told him that the first time when he was ten years old. Sidney had since come to believe that his charge was speaking the truth. One thing was certain, Jarod would never give up wanting his freedom and wanting back the family the Centre had taken from him, no matter how long he had to wait for them.
Sidney also recognized that Jarod was asking for someone to believe him. He needed that. Perhaps it was the one gift he still could give his pretender. Sidney turned on one foot, facing Jarod. "I know, Jarod. I know." He said. His voice sounded fatherly again. His role as teacher and mentor again forefront in his mind.
Sidney wished he could reassure Jarod further, but there was nothing he could do. Sidney saw Jarod's body relax and he hoped his words had been a comfort in some small way. He hoped Jarod wouldn't give up. There needed to be idealists in the world, even if he no longer had the strength for it.
Sidney turned and walked back toward the door of the bio lab. He reached for the handle and turned it, stepping through what looked like a door from a ship or a submarine. Once on the outside, he turned the small wheel that acted as a handle on the door, sealing it. Sidney intuitively shivered as he adjusted to the lighting in the hallway. Something visceral inside him rebelled at the experience of being inside a prison, even though he was not the prisoner.
Sidney knew it was time to make another visit to Lyle's office. He walked quickly to the elevator. Inside the lab on the other side of the steel door, Jarod listened to Sidney's heavy footfalls fade into the distance. He was alone again.
Lyle's office
Lyle sat in a high leather backed chair enjoying a $300.00 cigar and vintage bottle of wine from the Chairman's private reserve. He was congratulating himself. The Chairman, ~Dad~, had been very pleased that the Centre's most valuable asset had been returned intact. As a reward for the job well done, Lyle was being placed in charge of Jarod for the time being.
Lyle mentally reviewed his next tactical move. He knew it would be important to produce revenue quickly. Jarod's value to him was in the immediate cash flow he would create through a variety of covert military contracts. Lyle had many plans for the Centre, most of which required a lack of oversight from the Triumvirate. He knew they would care little about how the Centre was run if the books remained well in the black. If he could get Jarod working again, everything would fall into place.
Lyle saw Sidney coming down the hall through the glass of his office door some time before Sidney could see him. Sidney looked as if he was marching for war. His face was stern and his body was stiff. Lyle's face broke into a cunning smile. Things were going just as he'd expected.
Lyle's smiled relaxed. A warm tingling sense of satisfaction washed over him. He knew he had the upper hand. He possessed the one thing Sidney wanted, Jarod. Lyle had not only claimed Sidney's prized pet, he'd proven he was the better man. Sidney would have never brought Jarod back. Sidney was too soft. Lyle toasted himself congratulations, lifting his glass in the direction of Sidney's approaching figure before he took a sip.
Lyle continued watching Sidney as he passed another office, moving ever near to his own. Lyle had never liked the psychiatrist. Lyle found those in the psychiatric community often irritated him. Sidney was no exception to that rule. They were all too busy worrying about the well being of their charges to get anything done. In fact, the only physician Lyle had ever liked had been Raines. Raines seemed to be a man of action. He admired the way the codger maintained power and how his adversaries feared him.
Thinking of Raines brought a smile to Lyle's face. He respected his colleague and felt understood by him. He had since he'd first met Dr. Raines when he was a teenager. Even then Lyle had felt the true measure of a man was to be found in the level of dominance he attained. It was the natural order. He'd learned that as a child from his father and from watching the animals he hunted in the woods.
Another thought passed into Lyle's consciousness. It was the memory of his tyrannical father locking him in the dark woodshed for days at a time. The image wiped the smile from Lyle's face. He reached for the bottle of wine on his desk, refilling his glass. He gulped down the burgundy liquid and filled the glass again. "I learned a lot about dominance from my father." He thought darkly.
Lyle turned and his eyes followed Sidney as he cross the final distance to Lyle's office. Sidney's face was serious as he advanced down the corridor. He walked with purpose, Lyle noted with pleasure. Lyle had been waiting for Sidney. Lyle had once learned to play chess from Mr. Raines. He now enjoyed applying those same principles to his interactions with Sidney. "Every thing is about position and strategic advantage." he thought.
It had been easy enough for Lyle to redirect Miss Parker. The chairman has been kind enough to accommodate Lyle's suggestion that his daughter would both be happier and easier to control at Corporate. Mr. Parker understood his daughter would be less of a ~problem~ if she no longer had access to Jarod. Miss Parker was far too attached to him. Lyle doubted she'd have the will to force Jarod to comply with the needs of the Centre. Mr. Parker had agreed and consequently, the chairman himself had expedited Miss Parker's transfer. Managing Sidney would be more complicated.
As Sidney reached the door, Lyle swiveled in his chair to face him head on, taking a puff on his cigar as Sidney entered the room. Lyle greeted Sidney with a nod as he exhaled smoke in Sidney's direction. Lyle didn't bother to suppress his pleasure at seeing the older man so provoked.
"Lyle." Sidney growled the words as he entered, pausing and wrinkling his nose at the less than pleasant scent of the cigar smoke in the air.
"Have a seat, Sidney." Lyle said, gesturing toward the chair nearest his guest. Sidney strolled across Lyle's office, stopping near his desk. Sidney elected to ignore Lyle's suggestion of sitting. He was too angry to sit.
"What are you doing with Jarod." Sidney demanded, his eyes accusing Lyle of a crime. Lyle noted the older man was angry, but he was also in command of his emotions. Sidney knew better than to fly off the handle. Lyle smiled. He was going to enjoy this.
"I'm doing exactly what I want to do." Lyle said. Turning his head to the side, he blew a ring of smoke. Turning back to face Sidney he added, "And... you don't have anything to say about it." Lyle sat forward in his chair, placing his elbows on his desk. He leveled his eyes with Sidney's. If the old man had come to fight, Lyle'd gladly take him on.
Sidney paused slightly before he spoke again. It was subtle, but Lyle was certain he saw Sidney's confidence waver. Lyle loved that moment. It signaled he had won. In Lyle's view, everything, every moment of life, was a contest, a struggle for power. He felt warmth spreading through his chest. He wasn't sure if the source was the wine or the intoxication of power he now wielded over Sidney.
Sidney seemed to regroup and tried another tact. "You can't expect Jarod to cooperate when he's being treated like this." He said. Sidney resented having to plead his case to Lyle. Jarod was his. He had engineered the Pretender project when Lyle was still learning to tie his shoelaces. Struggling now for control of that same project seemed ludicrous to the elder man.
"Maybe you don't know your ~lab rat~ as well as I do." Lyle said in a sly voice. Sidney flinched at Lyle's characterization of Jarod. Lyle enjoyed watching Sidney's response. Lyle relaxed back into his chair. Swiveling to the left, he reclined slightly. Lyle feigned lack of interest in Sidney's words. It was a calculated attempt to display his command of the situation.
Sidney knew that, but felt himself respond automatically. Sidney's face grew hot and flushed. He knew Lyle was a cog in a much larger machine, something Lyle had yet to learn. Sidney had managed to survive inside the Centre for thirty years. He'd out maneuvered men like Lyle before, when they got in the way of his work. Sidney knew both how to protect his interests and to protect Jarod. He'd been doing it longer than Lyle had been able to spell 'pretender'.
Sidney pressed his lips together and then spoke directly to Lyle. "Jarod needs rest. He needs food. He needs to recover from the trauma of his capture." He stated flatly, though his eyes seemed to shoot daggers at Lyle. "If you don't give these things to him, Jarod will not be useful." Sidney added.
Then, Sidney's voice became calmer. "If he is damaged, it's not just the chairman who will have to answer to the Triumvirate." Sidney said in a tone more reminiscent of a friendly warning than a threat. Sidney watched Lyle's internal composure flicker. Sidney suppressed a smile.
Lyle leaned forward in his chair extending his arm and balancing his cigar on the edge of an ashtray. He straightened his tie, then looked Sidney in the eye. "I'm in charge. I'll do things my way. I'm not the one who lost Jarod in the first place." He said, speaking each word with the confidence only a 32-year-old corporate climber can have. Sidney'd lived too long to possess the same bravado. He looked away, suppressing the urge to laugh. Lyle was no more in control of the situation than he was.
Sidney stood in silence for a moment, then turned, seeing a chair beside him. He stepped to it and sat. His mind and body felt tired. It was easier for the moment to surrender to Lyle's authority. Sidney knew this battle didn't matter. It was the larger war over who'd work with Jarod that did. Sidney knew he'd need to keep Lyle on his side until his colleagues in the Tower saw reason.
Sidney also knew Lyle wanted to see him submit, so he decided to play that role. He knew it best not to tip his hand to the truth of how he'd handle Lyle just yet. Sidney placed a hand on each knee and took a deep breath. Today's battle had been fought. It was time to report his findings to his superior of the moment. He looked at Lyle and began.
"I spoke to Jarod about working for the Centre again." Sidney reported. He was now simply going through the motions of notifying Lyle of Jarod's response. His voice revealed his fatigue, though it was more mild than he hoped Lyle would infer. Sidney knew how to use Lyle's image of him as an "old man" to his advantage. He was not so weak as the younger man assumed.
Gesturing with one hand, Lyle broke in, "And let me guess. Jarod said 'no'." He'd anticipated Jarod's response before he'd sent Sidney down to talk with him. Sidney nodded. Lyle remained calm, assuming a casual pose intended to communicate his comfort and control of the situation. He seemed to think for a moment and cocked his head to one side.
Sidney watched Lyle, only slightly annoyed. Then Sidney continued, saying. "Jarod doesn't trust the Centre. He ..."
Lyle interrupted again, this time he locked eyes with the older man, "He doesn't trust you, Sid." Lyle said as he tapped a finger on the desk. Lyle raised his eyebrows, increasing the intensity of his gaze. "Your job is to get him to look past that."
Sidney sat up straighter. His offence was obvious in his posture. In Sidney's mind, Lyle hadn't earned the right to make such bold accusations. From Sidney's view, Lyle understood nothing about his relationship with Jarod.
