Disclaimer: The Pretender universe, and all therein, isn’t mine. The story is mine, however. So sue me if you want to, oh mighty PTB. You may take my money, but you’ll never take my freedom.

PALE

by Diamond

It was unexpected, this inner quiet. She’d certainly felt a great deal all at once when she’d received his letter. But now...

"Hello."

That voice. It still had the ability to send a jolt down her spine. She didn’t turn her gaze from the water. She didn’t dare look at him. Not yet. "It’s been a while," she answered nonchalantly, deciding to let him determine the tone of this encounter. She felt his eyes on her then, studying her profile.

"You haven’t changed at all."

She resisted the urge to touch her hair self-consciously. "God, what did you expect? Grey hair and wrinkles? It’s only been four years."

He shrugged, and she just caught the movement from the corner of her eye. "Just making an observation." With that he turned and rested his arms alongside hers on the wooden railing, his stance matching hers.

"So how are you?" he asked her after a moment of silence.

She couldn’t believe it. They hadn’t seen each other in over four years. The last time being when they’d fucked on her living room floor, and she’d cried in his arms, and he’d left her. And now the son of a bitch was making small talk. "Oh, just peachy. And you?" The sarcasm flowed easily. The most comfortable, natural mask she wore.

Just as the calm, polite tone was his. "I’m quite well, thank you."

God, it was infuriating. *He* was infuriating. "So you want to tell me what the hell this is all about?"

He didn’t seem surprised at her outburst - he’d probably been expecting it, the bastard.

He shrugged slightly. "I wanted to see you."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

She sighed. "Whatever."

"Well why did you come? You could have just ignored my letter."

"Sue me for being curious."

"Whatever," he mimicked.

There was a long moment’s silence. Then, the inevitable change in subject. "So. Are you seeing anyone at the moment?" It seemed like an equally inevitable question. Small talk or not.

"No."

"What about that guy… a year or so ago. You seemed fairly serious."

"How the hell do you know about Antoine? Have you been checking up on me?"

"Now and then. Does that surprise you?"

A sigh. "Not really."

"So what happened? With Antoine, I mean?"

She rubbed her forehead. "He proposed to me. He wanted me to settle down. Have kids for God’s sake."

"What’s so bad about that?"

"It’s not what I wanted. I don’t do pregnant and barefoot."

"You want to have children though."

"I did once, though I probably wouldn’t have admitted it at the time."

"And now?"

A far away look. "I just don’t think I could bear it..."

"Is that what you told Antoine?"

"No, I told him I wasn’t ready to settle down. Which was the truth - just not all of it."

"I guess neither of us is really the ‘settling down’ type.

"God. Isn’t that just the depressing truth."

Silence again. Then to fight the growing tension, she asked "What about you - are you seeing anyone?"

"No. I’m still splitting my time between my projects, and my family."

"And how are they all?"

A smile from him. To be expected. "Doing well, I think. You know, Emily got married. Two years ago. She’s happy."

"Glad not everyone’s lives have been completely ruined by it all."

"It only affects you as much as you let it."

Oh please. Wasn’t that just the pot calling the kettle black? But she didn’t want to get into that argument. "I heard from Sydney a while ago. He told me what you’ve been up to. You know, it won’t matter if you succeed, Jarod. Even if you manage to weed out every last remnant of the Center, other organisations will only rise up and take its place. They already have you know - you left one hell of a power vacuum four years ago."

"So you think I should let it go? I can’t. Not yet."

She doubted he would ever be able to. His curse.

"And what about you, Parker? Your career choice is nothing if not questionable."

"Well, it’s a trade off, I guess. I get to do whatever I want, but I also don’t have Center resources behind me."

"You’re just a glorified bounty hunter."

"Maybe. But I get paid ridiculous amounts of money for what I do."

"Is that why you do it?"

"Well, I suppose there are other things I could be doing - but it’s the thrill of the chase."

"Always the huntress."

"And don’t you forget it. Of course, none of my targets have ever given me the trouble you did. After you, it’s almost all too easy."

He didn’t bother hiding his smirk. "I hear you’re leaving the country."

Of course he would know. "I need a change of pace."

"Where are you going?"

"Well, there’s Japan, Madrid, a few other places I’ve looked into... Who did you hear about it from, anyway? And is that why you wanted to see me?"

"Sydney. And yes it was, in part. You haven’t decided where you’re going yet?"

"I’m leaning towards Russia. I’ve always loved Moscow. But I’ve always been fond of Japan as well. Nice dodge there, by the way. Are you planning on telling me why you wanted us to meet or should I not even bother asking again?"

He sighed. "It was a lot of things, really. Talking to Sydney and hearing about you, your leaving the country, and... it’s that time of year..."

"The anniversary of my mother’s murder. I know."

He remained silent beside her, staring impassively out over the water. Giving her the chance, she knew, to ignore the topic if she wanted to. And for that reason, if nothing else, she spoke.

"You gave her back to me, you know. One piece at a time. I hated you for the way you did that - left me scraps of information here and there. But you were right. I wouldn’t have been able to accept it all at once. There was a time when I was so angry at her. I thought she was pathetic and weak. But she was the strong one all along. My father was the real coward."

"It never goes away."

"It never will. For either of us. We’ll always be haunted."

A long silence. Then he stepped back away from the railing. And she tried not to feel anything when he reached out and took her hand, but the connection was still there. Even after all this time. Like magic. Both new and familiar all at once.

He pulled her after him and they started to wander along the wharf. He dropped her hand after a few moments, but the memory of his fingers against hers remained.

"Do you ever wonder why it didn’t work out for us?"

There was no time for games anymore. And they were pointless anyway. No need to deny the fact that there always had been an ‘us’ to refer to. And now it was looking like there always would be.

"I’ve had a few thoughts on the subject. What does that genius brain of yours tell you?" she redirected the question, trying to keep her tone dry.

"I asked first."

She sighed. God. "It was all too difficult. Too complicated, I guess. The Center was always in the way. Besides, I never really liked you all that much anyway."

"Yes you did. And you know, that’s what I decided too - that the Center was the reason for all that was ever between us. Hardly the basis for a healthy relationship. But if we let that factor into our chance at happiness, then they win. And we owe it to ourselves - and we owe it to the dead - to live."

"You’re speaking present tense now." It was almost a question.

"Looks that way."

Then there was quiet between them, as an unspoken question was asked and answered.

"I think I’ve come to a decision," she said.

"About?"

"Where I’m going."

"And?"

"Have you ever been to Russia, Jarod?"

"No. I always wanted to, though."

"It’s dark there this time of year. Cold, dismal, bleak..."

"Sounds cosy."

"Oh, you’d be surprised. And they make a damn fine bottle of vodka, too. So. Are you coming with me?"

"I think I will."

The mist, she noticed, had become an almost palpable entity as they continued to walk along the pier.

"Jarod, if you say ‘this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship’ I’ll kill you."

"Huh?"

She sighed. "Casablanca, Jarod. Add it to your catch-up-with-the-rest-of-the-world list."

Of course, it wasn’t *the* beginning. But it was *a* beginning. And a beautiful friendship, it always had been.

the end