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I don’t own the characters of the Pretender or the Profiler. Fox, TNT, NBC, and maybe others. I’m not sure who owns the Profiler, as it has been cancelled. I am merely borrowing the characters from these shows for my fanfic story. No money has changed hands. Just consider it free advertising for your show and please don’t sue me. I just saw the 2nd year final that mentions Charles is Jarod’s dad’s first name. I didn’t know that. I had assumed it was his last name. Well, we’ll use it for Jarod’s last name in this piece. Smiles. 11/04/00 edited 4/17/01
Life is full of new beginnings.
In Pursuit Of Happiness
Part 27
by jojarod50
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
Monday 7:45 AM
“Mr. Charles, I’m glad to see you’re awake,” a young nurse said, approaching Jarod’s bed with a clipboard in hand. “I need to get your vitals and lab’s here to get some blood, samples, if you don’t mind.”
“Jarod set his cup of water down with effort, embarrassed by how badly his hand was shaking.
“Story of my life,” he said with slight irritation, as she placed the cuff around his upper arm.
“The nurse quickly finished taking his pulse and temperature, jotting down the information, before hanging the clipboard at the foot of the bed and leaving the room.
The lab tech. wrapped a short length of tubing around his upper arm, taking 3 vials of blood, holding his arm firmly to keep it still. Tremors are pretty much par around here,” he said with a smile, trying to make him feel more at ease. There you go, Mr. Charles, just bend your arm with the cotton ball in place for a little bit, you’re doctor will be in to see you shortly.”
“Please, just call me Jarod,” he offered, feeling awkward with all the formality”
“Sure, Jarod,” he said, quickly labeling each tube in the basket before leaving the room.
* * *
Room 412
8:02 AM
“Good morning, Jarod. I’m Dr. Evans; please just call me Mike,” the young doctor said in a gentle voice, as he stepped into the room. Flipping open his chart, he scanned it quickly.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, carefully evaluating his physical signs of withdrawal.
“Not bad,” he said brushing him off.
Ashamed by his obvious symptoms of withdrawal, he kept his eyes lowered, studying the texture of the carpeting on the floor.
“You’re shaking badly, Jarod. Is that because you’re nervous or do you think it’s because of the alcohol?”
Jarod frowned, closing his eyes and shaking his head slightly.
“Well, Jarod, from what your alcohol level was when you were admitted, I imagine you’re not feeling very well at all. You’ve been on quite a binge, from what Dr. Green told me. Drinking some water or your orange juice will help rehydrate you. The juice will get your blood sugar back up to where it should be.”
Jarod rubbed his tight neck, feeling nervous, nauseated, and sweaty, painfully aware of what his symptoms meant.
“Do you want to stop drinking, Jarod? If you do, we’ll do everything we can to help you.”
“I really don’t feel like talking about that right now. I just need a little time to sort things out,” Jarod said, running his trembling fingers through his sweaty damp hair. He had a monumental headache and his shoulders and neck muscles felt like they had him in a vice grip. That along with his other symptoms was making it extremely difficult for him to concentrate, let alone, carry on a serious conversation.
“I noticed you keep rubbing your neck. Would you like something for that?”
“Yes,” he said quietly.
“I’ll have one of the nurses bring an analgesic in that ought to make you more comfortable. The light is bothering you isn’t it?” he said, noticing his patient kept his hand by his forehead shielding his eyes. “We usually keep the blinds lowered when a new patient arrives,” he said apologetically, as he lowered them.
“Thanks.”
“Jarod, why don’t you try and get some rest. I’ll check in with you later. Dr Green has been accepted as doctor with privilege at this hospital. We all felt it was in your best interest for him to work with you, considering the unique nature of your situation. He will be here to see you around 11:00. Maybe you’ll feel more like talking then,” he suggested, knowing by experience not to push.
“One of the nurses will bring you in some breakfast in a little while. Try to eat something if you can,” he said, jotting down a brief psychological evaluation on his patient’s chart.
“Is there anything else you need?”
“No,” he said looking away.
“All right, Jarod, just hang in there.”
Jarod forced himself to take a sip of juice, as he watched the door close. Shivering at its tart taste, he gratefully slipping back under the covers, hoping to at least shake his horrible headache. He knew he needed to be more clear-headed, before attempting to sort out his situation, and was painfully aware that he was craving another drink.
* * *
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
10:59 AM
Jarod stood by the window peeking through the blinds trying so see what kind of shopping centers and stores, if any, were around the hospital. He felt like the walls were closing in on him, and was alternating between panic and desperation, as he fought an overpowering urge to slip out and find somewhere to get a few drinks. It would be so easy and he knew it.
“Jarod? I was hoping you’d feel like talking before lunch,” Sydney said, wheeling his way into the pretender’s room, keenly aware after one look, of his patient’s distress.
“Sydney, you really shouldn’t be out of your bed. You’ve got enough problems of your own to deal with, without taking on any more of mine. I think I can work through this by my self,” Jarod said, with resolve, yet knowing deep inside, he’d be setting himself up for failure. He was positive that he was already psychologically addicted to alcohol and it would be just a matter of time before it would be physical, as well, if he didn’t stop drinking now. That prospect was frightening him. He was shocked at how easily he’d been sucked into an affair with alcohol, as well versed on the subject as he was.
“Thank you for your concern, Jarod, but I believe your worry is misplaced. Why don’t you come away from the window and have a seat. How are you feeling? I imagine it must have been unsettling to find yourself in a detox unite, after nearly passing out in my room yesterday,” he said, deliberately trying to get him to reveal his true feelings.
Jarod fell silent, not saying anything at all, his body language doing all the talking. His hands were balled in tight fists, his arms wrapped tightly around his waist, as he rocked forward appearing to be doubling over in pain. It was obvious to the trained eye that he was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety to the point of being physically ill.
“Tell me what you’re thinking. Did our session yesterday have any impact on you or do you remember anything about it at all?” Sydney asked, noticing Jarod was having trouble sitting still, as he kept rocking, occasionally rubbing his neck nervously.
Jarod rubbed his face with his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, having a difficult time focusing in on the question. After trying to run through what he remembered of yesterday, his thoughts seemed to get scrambled up. He rubbed his tight neck again realizing he had forgotten what the question was.
“Jarod?”
“What did you ask me?”
“Do you remember anything about our session yesterday?” Sydney asked, trying not to show his increasing concern for the pretender.
There was another long pause before he spoke again.
“I vaguely remember being hypnotized. At least I think I was,” he said struggling to remember more, but coming up empty.
“God, what’s the matter with me?” he said shaking his head in bewilderment. “None of this makes any sense. This isn’t who I am.”
“I know that, Jarod. It’s not so much what’s the matter with you, as who has been in control of your mind.”
“What are you saying, Sydney?”
I’m afraid you really haven’t had much control of your thinking processes for quite some time now. Do you remember what I told you yesterday about Raines planting a self-destruct cue in your mind?”
“No I don’t,” Jarod said, meeting Sydney’s eyes, totally shocked.
“Apparently, Raines tried to protect himself, by planting a self-destruct command in your subconscious mind, that would come into play in the event that you were rescued. It was to prevent you from revealing what you know about the Centre and all that was done to you. Jarod there was nothing you could do to prevent yourself from acting it out. I believe I’ve successfully erased it from your mind. Can you tell any change at all in your thinking?”
Jarod sat quietly for a moment, then suddenly looked up as the realization hit him. “I’m not having thoughts urging me to….”Jarod trailed off, becoming lost in thought again. “It’s just that… never mind.”
“What were you going to say, Jarod,” Sydney asked, watching the pretender walk back over to the window, rubbing his upper arms.
“I never should have started drinking,” he said in a low voice, staring out through one of the blinds.
“That must have been hard for you to admit. You’ve just managed your first step in your recovery. We’ll build on that. Do you feel like you need a drink right now?”
“I’ve already hurt a lot of people with my drinking and made a fool out of myself. That was never my intention,” he said, his voice cracking. “I just…wanted some relief,” he said quietly slumping down in a nearby chair.
“I know that, Jarod, but that isn’t what I asked, is it? Are you craving that relief now?”
“Jarod, cupped his head in his hands and closed his eyes, saying nothing.
“Ok, Jarod, you don’t have to answer that. I think I understand where you’re coming from. You must understand that depth of your current problem was most likely precipitated by that cue also. Luckily, you haven’t been drinking very long. Dr. Evans and I agreed on a medication to start you on that you haven’t had before. It will give you the relief you need, until you distance yourself from your craving for alcohol. You must not take this as a personal failure. Just the fact that you are here talking about this is very encouraging,” he said, carefully observing the pretender, knowing he was not taking his situation well.
“Your mother and sister are coming sometime this weekend. This is something you have wanted your whole life. What are you feeling?” Sydney asked, knowing that, more then anything, this had the capability of giving him resolve to overcome his new found addiction.
“My mother,” Jarod said with a nervous smile, suddenly getting up and starting to pace. “I can’t imagine what it will be like to see her. I’m afraid it will hurt her and my sister to see me in this debilitated state,” he said, remembering how shocked everyone had been that had seen him recently. “I don’t want to upset them.”
“Jarod, you can’t help what happened to you. You sound as though you feel guilty, as if it were your fault. You’re mother’s a strong woman from what your father has told me. I would imagine she’d be so happy to have you back, that it would overshadow everything else. At least, that’s the most likely scenario, “ Sydney said, understanding his pretender’s fear and distress. He remembered many times in his youth, Jarod had questioned whether or not his mother and father would accept him and actually love him. At that time, he had serious doubts as to his own self worth. Of course, that was before Raines had Sydney tell him his parents had died in a plane crash on their way to be reunited with him, completely shattering him.
“I’m tired, Sydney. I need some time to my self.”
“I understand, Jarod. You do look exhausted. Oh, by the way, you’re father will be up to visit you this afternoon. We covered a lot of ground this morning. You did very well, ” he said, before paging a nurse.
“Nurses station. What can I help you with?”
“This is Dr. Green in 412. Would you please have someone bring Jarod Charles’ medication in now.”
“Jarod, the medicine I’ve prescribed for you should give you relief from your extreme anxiety and depression, and make it easier for you to get back on your feet. Yes, come in nurse.”
Jarod looked at the pills the nurse handed him in the little cup, realizing Sydney was dead serious about giving him some relief.
“Jarod, I’m sure you know that you can’t have any alcohol while on this medication. For your own safety, we’ll need to keep you in the hospital until you and I agree you’re are not going to take another drink. Are we clear on that?”
The pretender nodded slowly, realizing his drinking had made him forfeit his freedom.
“I know you’re disappointed, but hopefully you won’t have to be here very long. Why don’t you try to get some rest now? I’ll be by again later this afternoon to see how you’re doing.”
“Thank you Sydney,” Jarod said softly, avoiding eye contact.
“Jarod, you’re going to make it through this. You’ve got a strong support system in place now. Everything is going to be all right.
Jarod gave his best effort to smile, knowing he was right. Things were bound to get better. It was just that he was so tired of fighting a brick wall.
After Sydney left his room, he took the picture of his mother and the one of his sister out of the drawer to his nightstand and looked at them intently wondering what it would be like to finally be with them.
Putting the pictures back in the drawer, he laid back down, throwing the bed spread over himself. His insides were screaming with anxiety and he felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, byproducts of his drinking. Despite how miserable he felt, a small smile crossed his face, as he reassured himself that this wasn’t who he was and soon he would find his real self again.
He tried to remember what it had been like to be free out in the world and how exciting every new discovery about it had been. He had a lot of happy memories about that and concentrated on dwelling on them until the medicine kicked in making him relaxed enough to go back to sleep.
* * *
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
1:25 PM
Major Charles opened the door to Jarod’s room, noticing a tray of uneaten food by his bed, sheets strewn every where, and the sound of running water in the bathroom. Glancing down at Gemini, he called out to let his son know they were there.
Shortly, the door to the bathroom swung open and Jarod entered the room, with a little shaving cream on his ear and several very small nicks on his face and neck
“Dad, Gemini, Sydney said you’d be coming by this afternoon,” he said shyly, blushing fiercely, knowing he’d just been one problem after another for his Dad and had shown what an idiot he was to his younger brother.
“I’m so sorry,” he said softly glancing at their faces and then at the floor. “I was…too …there’s really no excuse.”
“It’s alright, Jarod,” Major Charles said taking his distraught son in his arms and giving him a long hug, hoping to somehow get through to him how deeply he was loved. “I’m not angry with you at all, son. I think you’ve hurt yourself more than anybody else. Jarod, no matter how long this takes; I’ll be with you every step of the way; and your mother, too. That’s what family is for,” he said, raising Jarod’s chin up so he would look at him.
Jarod was stunned by the deep unconditional love he saw in his father’s eyes, and found himself struggling not to break down and cry.
“How are you feeling?” the Major asked, noticing his son seemed to be trying to hide the fact that he had the shakes really badly.
“Better,” he said, a hint of a smile flickering across his face.
“You two about done over there?” Gemini asked, deciding it was his turn to be with his brother. “Jarod, Jeopardy, is coming on now. Want to try and beat me?” he asked, in a taunting voice, a big smile plastered on his face.
Jarod broke into a real smile, noticing he was calming down considerably.
“Ok, Gemini, I’ll try to go easy on you,” he said, giving him a pat on the back, as he sat on the bed beside him.
“I better play, too,” their dad said, taking a seat near the TV. “You two haven’t been out in the real world long enough to know much about some of the categories.
* * *
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
6:55 PM
Jarod was busy straightening his room. Pausing again, he reviewed the conversation he had had with Sydney at 4:00. It had been the first time he could remember ever being able to discuss what had been done to him by Raines and Lyle at the Centre without flipping out. He looked down at his scared wrists and smiled feeling he had retrieved a small piece of himself by gaining power over some of his emotional scars.
Looking around, he spotted his Dr. Pepper over by the TV with a big pile of candy bars he and his brother had gotten out of the vending machines down the hall right before Gemini and his dad had gone back to the hotel for dinner. His dad had a meeting with Bailey, about his mom and Emily and probably wouldn’t be back tonight.
Taking a big swig of his pop, his eyes lit up at the realization that he had missed having something that didn’t taste like beer. He felt a thrill of excitement, realizing he was starting to feel a little bit like his old self again.
There was a soft knock on the door and Jarod turned around just in time to see Parker peeking through the door.
“Hi. Do you feel like having some company, Jarod?”
“Parker,” he said, quickly putting his pop down and heading for the door.
“Sure, come on in,” he said breaking into a sheepish smile, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with embarrassment.
“I’m …sorry Parker for the way I’ve been…”
“You don’t need to apologize for anything. How are you doing?” she asked, searching his eyes, not even trying to hide her deep concern.
Jarod looked away considering his answer and she thought she heard him laugh.
“Better, Parker,” he said, giving her a direct look, his eyes dancing with excitement and mischief.
“Want a candy bar?” he asked, crossing the room and picking up the pile. “I’ll bet chocolate has never passed your lips. Pick one out. They’re very good,” he said crossing over to her and nearly sticking them in her face.
“Forget it Jarod,” she said with false irritation, going along with the game. She had expected to see a broken man, but the one in front of her was energized and up beat.
“You act like you’ve had a good day,” she said, giving him a curious look.
“Yeah, part of it anyway,” he said, grabbing his pop and taking a big swig. “I could use another one of these. Want to take a stroll down the hall to the pop machine?”
“Sure, why not,” she said, eyeing his shaking hand as he set the empty can down and dug around in his pocket for some change.
* * *
“What would you like, Parker? I’m buying,” he asked, as he tried to slip the first quarter in the slot, fumbling it, and dropping it on the floor.
Miss Parker felt a sudden wave of sadness as she watched him drop down to the floor to retrieve the quarter. Closing his eyes momentarily, he stood by the machine trying to gain control of his shaking hands.
“I’ll do it, Jarod. You look shook up like a kid on his first date,” she said, giving him a flirtatious look as she held out her hand for the quarters. It was the first time she realized the extent he was suffering from alcohol withdrawal.
“Thanks, Parker,” he said, blushing furiously, as he gave her the quarters almost missing her hand.
“What will you have? I’m getting a gingerale,” she asked slipping the coins in and retrieving the can.
“Dr. Pepper. I discovered it in Vegas my first year away from the Centre,” he said, rubbing his aching neck.
Parker gave him an amused look as she bent down to grab the can at the same moment he did.
“No, Parker, let me get it,” he said. “I can at least do that,” he said with a gentle smile his eyes leaving hers and focusing on her lips then back up to her eyes again.
“Sure, Jarod,” she said, standing back up, feeling suddenly warm.
“Let’s go back to my room and talk,” he said, wrapping his arm around her, enjoying the feel of her slender warm body close to his.
* * *
Room 412
50 min. later…
“Jarod? What’s happening to you?” she asked urgently, shaking him gently trying to get him to come out of his trance like state. Suddenly, he came out of it, as if he was startled awake.
“What the hell happened to you? Are you all right?”
Jarod focused on her first and then looked quickly around the room, as the realization hit him of what had happened. He was quiet for a moment, a sad look etched across his face and then looked up at her with a wane smile.
“I just took a little trip down memory lane,” he said, shaking his head and running his trembling hand over his eyes. “I guess I’m still going to be having flashbacks for a while,” he said with a slight chuckle, trying to hide his disappointment.
“I’m so…”
“Don’t, Parker. It’s all right,” he said, breaking into a grateful smile, realizing he had been able to successfully distance himself from it, before it took him down.
“Jarod, you’re so pale. Do you want me to page your doctor?”
“No, It’s ok. I know how to fight this now. Excuse me a moment, I’ll be right back,” he said, getting up heading to the bathroom.
Shortly he returned, drying his face with a hand towel.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Jarod?”
“I’m fine, Parker. Now where were we?” he asked, sitting down on the bed beside her.”
“We were taking about my dad, but I think we better not go back there,” she said, brushing the damp hair out of his eyes. “You need a hair cut, Jarod,” she said playfully.
“You going to give me one, Parker?” he asked, pulling her into a gentle embrace.
“Mmm, I’ve missed this,” he whispered in her ear, his hot breath making her light headed. He pulled her back slightly, looking lovingly into her eyes, then kissed her passionately and then more deeply, wishing they were somewhere more private.
* * *
A nurse tapped on the door, then opened it and stepped into the room.
“I’m sorry, visiting hours are over. Miss, you’ll have to leave now,” she said with a pleasant smile quickly leaving the room.
Parker gave a frustrated grin, as she gave Jarod another long kiss.
“We’ve got to get you out of here, kid,” she said, looking into his deep brown eyes.
“I’m working on it,” Jarod said, helping her up and giving her a final kiss. “I’m glad you came by. Sorry I can’t drive you home,” he said, hating how awkward this all had become.
“Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow night,” she said, opening the door.
“We’ll see. Goodnight, Parker.”
Life is full of new beginnings.
Part 27
by jojarod50
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
Monday 7:45 AM
“Mr. Charles, I’m glad to see you’re awake,” a young nurse said, approaching Jarod’s bed with a clipboard in hand. “I need to get your vitals and lab’s here to get some blood, samples, if you don’t mind.”
“Jarod set his cup of water down with effort, embarrassed by how badly his hand was shaking.
“Story of my life,” he said with slight irritation, as she placed the cuff around his upper arm.
“The nurse quickly finished taking his pulse and temperature, jotting down the information, before hanging the clipboard at the foot of the bed and leaving the room.
The lab tech. wrapped a short length of tubing around his upper arm, taking 3 vials of blood, holding his arm firmly to keep it still. Tremors are pretty much par around here,” he said with a smile, trying to make him feel more at ease. There you go, Mr. Charles, just bend your arm with the cotton ball in place for a little bit, you’re doctor will be in to see you shortly.”
“Please, just call me Jarod,” he offered, feeling awkward with all the formality”
“Sure, Jarod,” he said, quickly labeling each tube in the basket before leaving the room.
* * *
Room 412
8:02 AM
“Good morning, Jarod. I’m Dr. Evans; please just call me Mike,” the young doctor said in a gentle voice, as he stepped into the room. Flipping open his chart, he scanned it quickly.
“How are you feeling?” he asked, carefully evaluating his physical signs of withdrawal.
“Not bad,” he said brushing him off.
Ashamed by his obvious symptoms of withdrawal, he kept his eyes lowered, studying the texture of the carpeting on the floor.
“You’re shaking badly, Jarod. Is that because you’re nervous or do you think it’s because of the alcohol?”
Jarod frowned, closing his eyes and shaking his head slightly.
“Well, Jarod, from what your alcohol level was when you were admitted, I imagine you’re not feeling very well at all. You’ve been on quite a binge, from what Dr. Green told me. Drinking some water or your orange juice will help rehydrate you. The juice will get your blood sugar back up to where it should be.”
Jarod rubbed his tight neck, feeling nervous, nauseated, and sweaty, painfully aware of what his symptoms meant.
“Do you want to stop drinking, Jarod? If you do, we’ll do everything we can to help you.”
“I really don’t feel like talking about that right now. I just need a little time to sort things out,” Jarod said, running his trembling fingers through his sweaty damp hair. He had a monumental headache and his shoulders and neck muscles felt like they had him in a vice grip. That along with his other symptoms was making it extremely difficult for him to concentrate, let alone, carry on a serious conversation.
“I noticed you keep rubbing your neck. Would you like something for that?”
“Yes,” he said quietly.
“I’ll have one of the nurses bring an analgesic in that ought to make you more comfortable. The light is bothering you isn’t it?” he said, noticing his patient kept his hand by his forehead shielding his eyes. “We usually keep the blinds lowered when a new patient arrives,” he said apologetically, as he lowered them.
“Thanks.”
“Jarod, why don’t you try and get some rest. I’ll check in with you later. Dr Green has been accepted as doctor with privilege at this hospital. We all felt it was in your best interest for him to work with you, considering the unique nature of your situation. He will be here to see you around 11:00. Maybe you’ll feel more like talking then,” he suggested, knowing by experience not to push.
“One of the nurses will bring you in some breakfast in a little while. Try to eat something if you can,” he said, jotting down a brief psychological evaluation on his patient’s chart.
“Is there anything else you need?”
“No,” he said looking away.
“All right, Jarod, just hang in there.”
Jarod forced himself to take a sip of juice, as he watched the door close. Shivering at its tart taste, he gratefully slipping back under the covers, hoping to at least shake his horrible headache. He knew he needed to be more clear-headed, before attempting to sort out his situation, and was painfully aware that he was craving another drink.
* * *
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
10:59 AM
Jarod stood by the window peeking through the blinds trying so see what kind of shopping centers and stores, if any, were around the hospital. He felt like the walls were closing in on him, and was alternating between panic and desperation, as he fought an overpowering urge to slip out and find somewhere to get a few drinks. It would be so easy and he knew it.
“Jarod? I was hoping you’d feel like talking before lunch,” Sydney said, wheeling his way into the pretender’s room, keenly aware after one look, of his patient’s distress.
“Sydney, you really shouldn’t be out of your bed. You’ve got enough problems of your own to deal with, without taking on any more of mine. I think I can work through this by my self,” Jarod said, with resolve, yet knowing deep inside, he’d be setting himself up for failure. He was positive that he was already psychologically addicted to alcohol and it would be just a matter of time before it would be physical, as well, if he didn’t stop drinking now. That prospect was frightening him. He was shocked at how easily he’d been sucked into an affair with alcohol, as well versed on the subject as he was.
“Thank you for your concern, Jarod, but I believe your worry is misplaced. Why don’t you come away from the window and have a seat. How are you feeling? I imagine it must have been unsettling to find yourself in a detox unite, after nearly passing out in my room yesterday,” he said, deliberately trying to get him to reveal his true feelings.
Jarod fell silent, not saying anything at all, his body language doing all the talking. His hands were balled in tight fists, his arms wrapped tightly around his waist, as he rocked forward appearing to be doubling over in pain. It was obvious to the trained eye that he was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety to the point of being physically ill.
“Tell me what you’re thinking. Did our session yesterday have any impact on you or do you remember anything about it at all?” Sydney asked, noticing Jarod was having trouble sitting still, as he kept rocking, occasionally rubbing his neck nervously.
Jarod rubbed his face with his hands and ran his fingers through his hair, having a difficult time focusing in on the question. After trying to run through what he remembered of yesterday, his thoughts seemed to get scrambled up. He rubbed his tight neck again realizing he had forgotten what the question was.
“Jarod?”
“What did you ask me?”
“Do you remember anything about our session yesterday?” Sydney asked, trying not to show his increasing concern for the pretender.
There was another long pause before he spoke again.
“I vaguely remember being hypnotized. At least I think I was,” he said struggling to remember more, but coming up empty.
“God, what’s the matter with me?” he said shaking his head in bewilderment. “None of this makes any sense. This isn’t who I am.”
“I know that, Jarod. It’s not so much what’s the matter with you, as who has been in control of your mind.”
“What are you saying, Sydney?”
I’m afraid you really haven’t had much control of your thinking processes for quite some time now. Do you remember what I told you yesterday about Raines planting a self-destruct cue in your mind?”
“No I don’t,” Jarod said, meeting Sydney’s eyes, totally shocked.
“Apparently, Raines tried to protect himself, by planting a self-destruct command in your subconscious mind, that would come into play in the event that you were rescued. It was to prevent you from revealing what you know about the Centre and all that was done to you. Jarod there was nothing you could do to prevent yourself from acting it out. I believe I’ve successfully erased it from your mind. Can you tell any change at all in your thinking?”
Jarod sat quietly for a moment, then suddenly looked up as the realization hit him. “I’m not having thoughts urging me to….”Jarod trailed off, becoming lost in thought again. “It’s just that… never mind.”
“What were you going to say, Jarod,” Sydney asked, watching the pretender walk back over to the window, rubbing his upper arms.
“I never should have started drinking,” he said in a low voice, staring out through one of the blinds.
“That must have been hard for you to admit. You’ve just managed your first step in your recovery. We’ll build on that. Do you feel like you need a drink right now?”
“I’ve already hurt a lot of people with my drinking and made a fool out of myself. That was never my intention,” he said, his voice cracking. “I just…wanted some relief,” he said quietly slumping down in a nearby chair.
“I know that, Jarod, but that isn’t what I asked, is it? Are you craving that relief now?”
“Jarod, cupped his head in his hands and closed his eyes, saying nothing.
“Ok, Jarod, you don’t have to answer that. I think I understand where you’re coming from. You must understand that depth of your current problem was most likely precipitated by that cue also. Luckily, you haven’t been drinking very long. Dr. Evans and I agreed on a medication to start you on that you haven’t had before. It will give you the relief you need, until you distance yourself from your craving for alcohol. You must not take this as a personal failure. Just the fact that you are here talking about this is very encouraging,” he said, carefully observing the pretender, knowing he was not taking his situation well.
“Your mother and sister are coming sometime this weekend. This is something you have wanted your whole life. What are you feeling?” Sydney asked, knowing that, more then anything, this had the capability of giving him resolve to overcome his new found addiction.
“My mother,” Jarod said with a nervous smile, suddenly getting up and starting to pace. “I can’t imagine what it will be like to see her. I’m afraid it will hurt her and my sister to see me in this debilitated state,” he said, remembering how shocked everyone had been that had seen him recently. “I don’t want to upset them.”
“Jarod, you can’t help what happened to you. You sound as though you feel guilty, as if it were your fault. You’re mother’s a strong woman from what your father has told me. I would imagine she’d be so happy to have you back, that it would overshadow everything else. At least, that’s the most likely scenario, “ Sydney said, understanding his pretender’s fear and distress. He remembered many times in his youth, Jarod had questioned whether or not his mother and father would accept him and actually love him. At that time, he had serious doubts as to his own self worth. Of course, that was before Raines had Sydney tell him his parents had died in a plane crash on their way to be reunited with him, completely shattering him.
“I’m tired, Sydney. I need some time to my self.”
“I understand, Jarod. You do look exhausted. Oh, by the way, you’re father will be up to visit you this afternoon. We covered a lot of ground this morning. You did very well, ” he said, before paging a nurse.
“Nurses station. What can I help you with?”
“This is Dr. Green in 412. Would you please have someone bring Jarod Charles’ medication in now.”
“Jarod, the medicine I’ve prescribed for you should give you relief from your extreme anxiety and depression, and make it easier for you to get back on your feet. Yes, come in nurse.”
Jarod looked at the pills the nurse handed him in the little cup, realizing Sydney was dead serious about giving him some relief.
“Jarod, I’m sure you know that you can’t have any alcohol while on this medication. For your own safety, we’ll need to keep you in the hospital until you and I agree you’re are not going to take another drink. Are we clear on that?”
The pretender nodded slowly, realizing his drinking had made him forfeit his freedom.
“I know you’re disappointed, but hopefully you won’t have to be here very long. Why don’t you try to get some rest now? I’ll be by again later this afternoon to see how you’re doing.”
“Thank you Sydney,” Jarod said softly, avoiding eye contact.
“Jarod, you’re going to make it through this. You’ve got a strong support system in place now. Everything is going to be all right.
Jarod gave his best effort to smile, knowing he was right. Things were bound to get better. It was just that he was so tired of fighting a brick wall.
After Sydney left his room, he took the picture of his mother and the one of his sister out of the drawer to his nightstand and looked at them intently wondering what it would be like to finally be with them.
Putting the pictures back in the drawer, he laid back down, throwing the bed spread over himself. His insides were screaming with anxiety and he felt a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, byproducts of his drinking. Despite how miserable he felt, a small smile crossed his face, as he reassured himself that this wasn’t who he was and soon he would find his real self again.
He tried to remember what it had been like to be free out in the world and how exciting every new discovery about it had been. He had a lot of happy memories about that and concentrated on dwelling on them until the medicine kicked in making him relaxed enough to go back to sleep.
* * *
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
1:25 PM
Major Charles opened the door to Jarod’s room, noticing a tray of uneaten food by his bed, sheets strewn every where, and the sound of running water in the bathroom. Glancing down at Gemini, he called out to let his son know they were there.
Shortly, the door to the bathroom swung open and Jarod entered the room, with a little shaving cream on his ear and several very small nicks on his face and neck
“Dad, Gemini, Sydney said you’d be coming by this afternoon,” he said shyly, blushing fiercely, knowing he’d just been one problem after another for his Dad and had shown what an idiot he was to his younger brother.
“I’m so sorry,” he said softly glancing at their faces and then at the floor. “I was…too …there’s really no excuse.”
“It’s alright, Jarod,” Major Charles said taking his distraught son in his arms and giving him a long hug, hoping to somehow get through to him how deeply he was loved. “I’m not angry with you at all, son. I think you’ve hurt yourself more than anybody else. Jarod, no matter how long this takes; I’ll be with you every step of the way; and your mother, too. That’s what family is for,” he said, raising Jarod’s chin up so he would look at him.
Jarod was stunned by the deep unconditional love he saw in his father’s eyes, and found himself struggling not to break down and cry.
“How are you feeling?” the Major asked, noticing his son seemed to be trying to hide the fact that he had the shakes really badly.
“Better,” he said, a hint of a smile flickering across his face.
“You two about done over there?” Gemini asked, deciding it was his turn to be with his brother. “Jarod, Jeopardy, is coming on now. Want to try and beat me?” he asked, in a taunting voice, a big smile plastered on his face.
Jarod broke into a real smile, noticing he was calming down considerably.
“Ok, Gemini, I’ll try to go easy on you,” he said, giving him a pat on the back, as he sat on the bed beside him.
“I better play, too,” their dad said, taking a seat near the TV. “You two haven’t been out in the real world long enough to know much about some of the categories.
* * *
St. Matthews Memorial Hospital
Room 412
6:55 PM
Jarod was busy straightening his room. Pausing again, he reviewed the conversation he had had with Sydney at 4:00. It had been the first time he could remember ever being able to discuss what had been done to him by Raines and Lyle at the Centre without flipping out. He looked down at his scared wrists and smiled feeling he had retrieved a small piece of himself by gaining power over some of his emotional scars.
Looking around, he spotted his Dr. Pepper over by the TV with a big pile of candy bars he and his brother had gotten out of the vending machines down the hall right before Gemini and his dad had gone back to the hotel for dinner. His dad had a meeting with Bailey, about his mom and Emily and probably wouldn’t be back tonight.
Taking a big swig of his pop, his eyes lit up at the realization that he had missed having something that didn’t taste like beer. He felt a thrill of excitement, realizing he was starting to feel a little bit like his old self again.
There was a soft knock on the door and Jarod turned around just in time to see Parker peeking through the door.
“Hi. Do you feel like having some company, Jarod?”
“Parker,” he said, quickly putting his pop down and heading for the door.
“Sure, come on in,” he said breaking into a sheepish smile, feeling suddenly overwhelmed with embarrassment.
“I’m …sorry Parker for the way I’ve been…”
“You don’t need to apologize for anything. How are you doing?” she asked, searching his eyes, not even trying to hide her deep concern.
Jarod looked away considering his answer and she thought she heard him laugh.
“Better, Parker,” he said, giving her a direct look, his eyes dancing with excitement and mischief.
“Want a candy bar?” he asked, crossing the room and picking up the pile. “I’ll bet chocolate has never passed your lips. Pick one out. They’re very good,” he said crossing over to her and nearly sticking them in her face.
“Forget it Jarod,” she said with false irritation, going along with the game. She had expected to see a broken man, but the one in front of her was energized and up beat.
“You act like you’ve had a good day,” she said, giving him a curious look.
“Yeah, part of it anyway,” he said, grabbing his pop and taking a big swig. “I could use another one of these. Want to take a stroll down the hall to the pop machine?”
“Sure, why not,” she said, eyeing his shaking hand as he set the empty can down and dug around in his pocket for some change.
* * *
“What would you like, Parker? I’m buying,” he asked, as he tried to slip the first quarter in the slot, fumbling it, and dropping it on the floor.
Miss Parker felt a sudden wave of sadness as she watched him drop down to the floor to retrieve the quarter. Closing his eyes momentarily, he stood by the machine trying to gain control of his shaking hands.
“I’ll do it, Jarod. You look shook up like a kid on his first date,” she said, giving him a flirtatious look as she held out her hand for the quarters. It was the first time she realized the extent he was suffering from alcohol withdrawal.
“Thanks, Parker,” he said, blushing furiously, as he gave her the quarters almost missing her hand.
“What will you have? I’m getting a gingerale,” she asked slipping the coins in and retrieving the can.
“Dr. Pepper. I discovered it in Vegas my first year away from the Centre,” he said, rubbing his aching neck.
Parker gave him an amused look as she bent down to grab the can at the same moment he did.
“No, Parker, let me get it,” he said. “I can at least do that,” he said with a gentle smile his eyes leaving hers and focusing on her lips then back up to her eyes again.
“Sure, Jarod,” she said, standing back up, feeling suddenly warm.
“Let’s go back to my room and talk,” he said, wrapping his arm around her, enjoying the feel of her slender warm body close to his.
* * *
Room 412
50 min. later…
“Jarod? What’s happening to you?” she asked urgently, shaking him gently trying to get him to come out of his trance like state. Suddenly, he came out of it, as if he was startled awake.
“What the hell happened to you? Are you all right?”
Jarod focused on her first and then looked quickly around the room, as the realization hit him of what had happened. He was quiet for a moment, a sad look etched across his face and then looked up at her with a wane smile.
“I just took a little trip down memory lane,” he said, shaking his head and running his trembling hand over his eyes. “I guess I’m still going to be having flashbacks for a while,” he said with a slight chuckle, trying to hide his disappointment.
“I’m so…”
“Don’t, Parker. It’s all right,” he said, breaking into a grateful smile, realizing he had been able to successfully distance himself from it, before it took him down.
“Jarod, you’re so pale. Do you want me to page your doctor?”
“No, It’s ok. I know how to fight this now. Excuse me a moment, I’ll be right back,” he said, getting up heading to the bathroom.
Shortly he returned, drying his face with a hand towel.
“Are you sure you’re all right, Jarod?”
“I’m fine, Parker. Now where were we?” he asked, sitting down on the bed beside her.”
“We were taking about my dad, but I think we better not go back there,” she said, brushing the damp hair out of his eyes. “You need a hair cut, Jarod,” she said playfully.
“You going to give me one, Parker?” he asked, pulling her into a gentle embrace.
“Mmm, I’ve missed this,” he whispered in her ear, his hot breath making her light headed. He pulled her back slightly, looking lovingly into her eyes, then kissed her passionately and then more deeply, wishing they were somewhere more private.
* * *
A nurse tapped on the door, then opened it and stepped into the room.
“I’m sorry, visiting hours are over. Miss, you’ll have to leave now,” she said with a pleasant smile quickly leaving the room.
Parker gave a frustrated grin, as she gave Jarod another long kiss.
“We’ve got to get you out of here, kid,” she said, looking into his deep brown eyes.
“I’m working on it,” Jarod said, helping her up and giving her a final kiss. “I’m glad you came by. Sorry I can’t drive you home,” he said, hating how awkward this all had become.
“Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow night,” she said, opening the door.
“We’ll see. Goodnight, Parker.”
