Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Part 14
by N.R. Levy
Parker woke up in her bed, her room as familiar to her as the sound of her own voice. She glanced at the chair and found the comfortable, soft flannel shirt she'd known would be sitting there. She sat it aside for after her shower, then headed into the bathroom.
Suddenly, she was in her bathrobe, walking through her torn apart home, seeing blood on the floor. She ran outside and around the corner, and once again, the horror she had known would be there met her -
Thomas lying dead.
She woke screaming, her body trembling with the force of the image she'd seen so many times in her head. She could feel hot tears on her face, and she was about to run for her favorite nightmare cure-all -- a good glass of vodka -- when she heard him.
"It's okay, Parker. It's over. I'm here." The voice reached her disbelieving ears, and she turned, her eyes meeting with Thomas'.
"Tommy? You're alive?" Her voice was soft, but her confusion couldn't be missed. His face immediately concerned, Thomas reached for her, pulling her into his arms.
"Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm right here." He held her for a moment before she pushed away from him, looking into his eyes.
"But how -- it was so real." She looked around, realizing she didn't remember the room they were in. "Where are we?"
"Our house. Babe, we've been in Portland for almost a year. Parker, are you okay?"
She returned her eyes to his, and a wave of unbelievable relief washed over her. He was alive. It was all a horrible, intense nightmare and he was still alive. She leaned forward, pulling him into her arms and holding him.
"Parker, I'm here. I'm never going to leave you."
She smiled, her hand stroking the back of his head. That was when she felt something wet on her hand and she moved it to where she could see it.
Blood - Thomas' blood.
She pulled back and his face was covered with blood, his eyes fixed and staring ahead.
"Oh, God! Oh, Thomas, no. No!"
Jarod ran into the room, not bothering with the light because there was no mistaking Parker's position. She was in bed, sitting up, screaming, her eyes still closed in whatever nightmare sleep she was in. Elizabeth ran to the doorway, but as he took Parker into his arms, he waved the older woman away. Quietly, Elizabeth closed the door and left the two of them alone.
Parker fought Jarod's embrace, her mind still trapped in the vision of Thomas' lifeless face. Jarod refused to let her go, and finally, after what seemed a long fight, she surrendered, her body collapsing against his. She still had not really awakened, and she sobbed against him, crying out to Thomas not to leave her.
"It's okay, Parker. I'm here. I'm here with you. It's okay."
"No, it was just a dream. You're gone."
Jarod realized now how deeply asleep she still was. She had heard him, but thought he was Thomas. Carefully, he climbed further into the bed, lying down as he pulled Parker to him.
"Shh. Just let it go, Parker. Let it go."
She continued to weep against his chest, and Jarod's own eyes filled with tears at her pain. This was his doing. He had interfered in her life again and this was the result. He didn't know what had brought up her grief about Thomas - maybe the approach of Christmas, the emotional whirlwind she was on with Elizabeth - who could say for certain. It didn't really matter what had caused it, the nightmare had devastated her, and he could do nothing but hold her as she had held him just a few nights earlier.
That and be man enough to tell her the truth, but for now, he still didn't know how.
Finally, she slept. Her breathing eased and her crying stopped and he knew she was now somewhere safe in her subconscious, the horror of the nightmare pushed away. Reaching carefully to pull the blankets over them, Jarod settled in beside her.
How was it possible that he could feel about her the way he did and yet still make so many mistakes? Clearly these feelings weren't new. If he thought about it at all, he knew that much was true. Then why did he keep doing things that hurt her? Not that Thomas had been a mistake exactly. But the way it had turned out...he should have expected something like it from the Centre. Why hadn't he?
Jarod's ramble of thoughts stopped as Parker whimpered against his chest and he moved his hands to rub her back and sooth her. After a few moments, she calmed, and he allowed himself to drift back into a far from restful sleep.
*****
Parker woke slowly, her mind warning her to be sure of what was real when she opened her eyes. She remembered the horrible dream all to well. Her eyes blinked open and she knew instantly that she was still in Elizabeth's guest room. Another glance told her Jarod was the warm, strong figure she felt beside her. He was still sleeping, and since she was still exhausted herself, she simply snuggled against him and closed her eyes again.
She didn't notice that she was crying again, a steady stream of silent tears running from her eyes.
The emptiness the nightmare had left inside of her was overwhelming. She'd had him back. She could feel him, his arms around her, the heat of his breath against her neck, and for a minute she'd actually believed that Thomas was alive. The horror of realizing it wasn't true, that he was still gone had been like finding him all over again.
Suddenly frightened, Parker tightened her hold on Jarod. She knew it was Christmas Eve, knew she had been waiting for days to give Angelo the special gift that sat hidden in the barn under Harry's doting care -- now all she felt was empty and sad and alone. Her excitement for the day had vanished under the horror of her own imagination.
Jarod stirred beneath her and Parker held still, not wanting him to wake. Her eyes jerked open as she waited. She did not want to talk about how she felt, or about the dream. She just wanted to lie here and feel warm and at least temporarily safe. Is this the feeling she had given to him when she'd chased away his bad dreams? If it were, then she understood why he'd been so grateful.
When he did not move again, she knew he was still asleep. Tired, Parker allowed her eyes to fall shut again.
Jarod felt her drift off and was glad he hadn't given away his waking when he'd moved. Clearly, she needed him to still be asleep - a silent guardian as opposed to a concerned friend. Happy to oblige, he tightened his hold on her and allowed his own eyes to close again.
****
Emily yawned, her mind and body not quite awake as she spooned sugar into her coffee cup. She glanced up as Elizabeth's footsteps approached, and smiled as the older woman entered the room.
"They up yet?"
Elizabeth shook her head and moved to the oven so she could check on the biscuits that baked inside.
"Poor thing. She was so upset. Can't help feeling like I had something to do with that."
"Elizabeth, she needs to know the things you're telling her. Jarod thinks so, too. It's the only way she's ever going to get free of that place."
"But she doesn't trust me. I understand that. She's got no reason to after I just left her at the Centre to fend for herself. She was just a little girl, Emily."
"And Jarod was just a little boy. At least they had each other." Emily sipped her coffee as she sat down in one of the comfortable kitchen chairs, pulling her knees up to her chest. Elizabeth moved to pour herself a cup of coffee, her attention turning toward her younger companion.
"Emily, did either of them ever mention what happened? I mean, why they stopped being friends...or at least, why they thought they'd stopped?"
"No. I've asked Jarod several times, but he just says 'I don't know.' I'd bet money that father of hers had something to do with it."
A blind woman could not have missed the way Elizabeth's whole body tensed at the mention of Mr. Parker. Emily sat, uncertain of what to do next. Did she acknowledge the emotions she'd just seen in her new friend, or did she ignore it? It wasn't really any of her business - if you didn't count the fact that Parker had saved her life and given her back her brother. If what was bothering Elizabeth was going to cause Parker more pain, then Emily wanted to be ready to help her through it.
"Elizabeth, I know it's not my place -- "
Emily cut her words short as Parker rounded the corner and entered the kitchen. She had to fight the urge to smile as her friend's appearance fully registered. Except for the hospital, she had never seen Parker in anything but designer clothes. Even through her whole visit here at Elizabeth's farm, she had worn her normal work clothes. So to see her in jeans and sweater, her face clean of makeup, was to say the least a shock.
Parker noticed the silence in the room and realized it had been caused by her entry. She looked from her aunt to Jarod's sister and suddenly felt more self-conscious than she could remember being in her adult life. They had heard her screaming last night. They knew about the nightmare. Is that what they'd been talking about?
"Um, morning." Parker's words were barely loud enough to be heard, and before either woman could answer, she was out the door and headed through the back yard. Emily turned toward Elizabeth and the two caught each other's glance.
"Do you think one of us should go after her?" Emily stood as spoke, moving to look out the window and watch Parker make her way toward the barn.
"I think maybe she just needs some time alone."
*****
Parker reached the barn and peaked inside, glad that Harry was nowhere in sight. She liked her uncle very much, but she didn't want anyone's eyes on her, not just now. The nightmare had unsettled her at the deepest of levels.
A few steps brought her to the ladder that led to the loft. Harry had constructed a temporary holding pen for the puppy so that she would be safe and Angelo would not find her. Parker made it into the loft and headed toward the sounds of happy panting that were coming from the far corner.
"Hey there, little girl. How you doing?"
The puppy began to yip and run around excitedly as Parker neared her. Reaching into the pen, Parker brought the little dog to her chest and stroked her gently.
"You are going to make my brother so happy, little girl. Yes, you are."
Parker moved to a stack of hay and sat down, letting the puppy have a chance to run free in the loft under her careful supervision. The little dog was scared to go very far, uncertain of her surroundings or of what potential dangers might be lurking around her.
'I know how you feel,' Parker thought as the events of the horrible night passed came back to her.
Her world over the past few years had become more and more murky, a once clear picture now blurred with dark clouds and shadowy corners. Parker felt that she no longer knew who she was or for that matter what she was doing. If anyone at the Centre knew that she had spent the last week in the same house as Jarod without even so much as once thinking of bringing him in...well, they'd lock her in Renewal Wing on a psych watch.
Why didn't she want to bring him in anymore? And who the hell was this mysterious grandfather who had apparently set her entire fate in motion years ago? Was he still alive? And where in God's name were her father and the troll?
Overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of questions, Parker stood and crossed to where the puppy was playing with a piece of cloth that Harry had tied into a string of knots. She picked it up and began to move it around and the puppy chased it, pouncing on it again and again.
It reminded her of the way she followed Jarod's clues around from place to place. Those clues had all somehow led her to this place. The question was, who would she be when she left?
******
Jarod stood in the shower, the heat of the water kneading into his shoulder muscles. His thoughts were full of Parker. She had been so upset last night, and clearly, she was not ready to talk about what was happening yet. That had been obvious by the way she had snuck out of bed this morning. For the second time, he had pretended to still be sleeping, sensing her desperation to get away. What he didn't understand was why.
They had gotten so much closer, both of them learning to lean on the other for support. God, it was in many ways like the relationship they'd had as children, yet far deeper. Perhaps because of the years they hadn't had each other? Jarod wasn't sure. What he did know was that he didn't want her to pull away. He needed her too much.
Maybe she thought he'd be jealous or upset that she'd been dreaming about Thomas. Not that he was above that, and yes, it did give him a slight pang in his heart to realize again how much she had loved another man, but he didn't regret her time with Thomas and so jealousy wasn't really the right word for what he felt.
Turning off the water, Jarod climbed from the shower. He had to be careful and give her enough space, otherwise, she would panic. She wouldn't want to, he knew that, but she was so afraid to trust. Jarod sighed as he threw his towel aside and began to dress. He was partly responsible for that. Showing her how deceptive her father was had a backlash affect he had not expected...the less she trusted him, the less she trusted everyone.
Still, there was so much he had to tell her - about how she'd saved his life in San Diego, about Thomas, oh, and that little thing about being in love with her. When was the question. He had to do something, and soon, and he had to be careful. He couldn't lose her again.
*****
The morning passed in a blur to Parker. She returned to the house and showered and changed, then headed downstairs. Jarod and Emily were busy putting the finishing touches on the tree, and Angelo was happily spewing tinsel all over the tree, them, and the rest of the living room.
Despite her overwhelming love for her brother, Parker kept her distance from Angelo. She knew she was hanging on to her emotional stability by a thread, and she did not want him to absorb that anxiety from her. Instead, she left him to his good time with the Russell siblings, and headed into the kitchen.
Elizabeth was dividing her time between scolding Harry, who kept picking at the vegetables she was trying to cook, and checking on the variety of dishes she was monitoring at various locations throughout the room. When Parker entered, they both looked up at her.
"Anything I can do to help?"
Elizabeth shook her head, but waved her niece further into the kitchen.
"Just come keep me company, and help me keep an eye on this veggie thief."
Parker smiled and crossed to one of the kitchen chairs. Harry, sensing that the two women needed to talk, snatched one last carrot then ran from the room. Elizabeth managed to hit him with a dishcloth just before he made it out of the door.
"And stay out, you."
Chuckling, Elizabeth returned to her cutting board, her eyes staying down, but her attention really across the room on Parker.
"You got something on your mind, Little Cat?"
Parker tensed slightly at the name, but then told herself to let it go. She did have something she needed to know, a question that had plagued her for years, and maybe now she had someone who could answer it for her.
"When Mama came here, you two, I mean, you talked about a lot, right?"
Elizabeth noticed the nerves evident in Parker's voice. Wherever she was headed was clearly not someplace she was sure she wanted to go.
"Yes, we did. At least, as much as we both knew."
"Is...um, do you know...is this grandfather of mine still alive?"
The question hung in the air as Elizabeth considered her niece. This was not what she really wanted to know, but still, it was information she could use.
"I don't know. Catherine hadn't actually seen him since he had her brainwashed, and I hadn't heard a word from him since I was sent away. If he is, I guarantee you he's still involved in the Centre somehow. It was all he ever really cared about."
Parker nodded, her eyes falling on the floor.
"What -- I mean, you said he knew that you and Mama had this special trait. I mean, he would have wanted you both to be with men that had it, too, right? So he could get these special children he wanted."
Elizabeth's kept her face the same even though now she knew what it was Parker so desperately needed to know.
"Yes, Parker, that is true."
There was silence for a moment as Parker tried to build her courage.
"Did he sacrifice that? I mean, to get control of the Centre did he give up on that with Mama?"
Elizabeth sat down the knife she had been cutting with and reached for a dishtowel to dry her hands. She crossed the distance between herself and Parker and knelt down in front of the girl who was a mirror image of the sister she had loved so much.
"If you're asking me if Mr. Parker is your father, Parker, the answer is yes."
Parker's eyes filled with tears as she looked up to Elizabeth. There was a time, back when Jarod had first alerted her to the potential that Ben Miller could be her father that she would have jumped for joy at confirmation of her real paternity. Now, she didn't know how she felt. Suddenly, she realized that she was more of a lab rat than Jarod had ever been. Her very existence had been planned even before her parents' marriage.
Elizabeth reached out her hand, wiping the tears that streamed down her niece's face. The touch seemed to be more than Parker could handle. She stood, wiping her own tears away, her face hardening right before the older woman's eyes.
"Parker..."
Before her aunt could finish speaking, Parker was gone through the back door. Through the window, Elizabeth saw her. She suddenly stood taller, her shoulders straight, her whole body suddenly made of granite. Confused, Elizabeth was left wondering. What in the world had just happened?
****
The rest of the day, no one could get close to Parker. Emily and Elizabeth had both encouraged Jarod to try, but he could tell that at this moment, all contact between them would accomplish would be to push her farther away. She was shutting down on all of them, and right now, he didn't know how to stop it.
Elizabeth had told him about their earlier conversation, and he knew Parker was reeling. He had never asked Elizabeth about Parker's paternity. He had truly hoped for her sake that Ben was her father, for no other reason than to give her someone decent and good to run to in a crisis, but that was clearly not meant to be.
For a while, it seemed even Angelo could not get through to her. He had tried to approach her several times, but he would stop within a few feet of her, turning away with a hurt look in his eyes.
Then as the others began to open up their special Christmas Eve gifts, Parker excused herself to retrieve Angelo's present. They all wanted to wait for her, but she insisted that they go on without her.
Emily opened hers first. She had chosen the package from Jarod, and her heart swelled when she opened it. Inside was a doll - one just like the one she had told Jarod about during their first few days together. It had been her first, and it had been lost during one of the frantic times she and their mother had run from the Centre. She had mourned its loss for a long time, and still thought of it occasionally. She had no idea where he had found this one, but that he had made the effort touched her more deeply than anything she could imagine.
As Emily moved to embrace her brother, Parker returned, again taking her seat alone on the side of the room rather than around the tree with the rest of the group. Jarod looked at her, trying to catch her eye, but she kept her gaze firmly fixed on the tree.
Next came Jarod's turn, and Emily handed him a gift addressed from Parker. He saw Parker tense when he picked it up, but she did not try to discourage him from opening it. Curious, he tore into the paper. He had to force himself to remember to breathe when he saw what it was - a copy of "The Devil's Providence."
For a moment, he sat confused, uncertain of what it was she had been thinking when she decided to give this to him. He hadn't even seen it since he'd left it at the hospital the day he'd gone off to confront Damon. Then he saw the small strip of silk ribbon sticking out of the top and he opened the book to the place it marked. His eyes fell on a passage that Parker had marked for him.
"The hero, having vanquished the devil, now wondered what came next. Did he return to his life as it had been before, or did this moment somehow change him? Did he need to fight any longer? Did he need to try and hold on to the force that had driven him on for so many days?
"Then he heard the voice of his angel, and though she spoke a million words, it was those she did not say that he heard the loudest.
"Please, do not leave me."
As he finished reading, Jarod looked up, his eyes wide as they searched for Parker, but she was gone. Through the door that stood standing open in her wake, came a slight whimpering sound, and a few moments later, the small puppy, a red ribbon tied around her neck, came wandering into the room. She immediately found her way to Angelo, who scooped her into his arms and pulled her into an embrace.
"Friend from sister."
Jarod smiled, but his eyes looked for Parker. When she did not return, he moved to go and find her. That was when he felt Angelo's hand on his shoulder.
"Needs time."
Though he hated to do so, Jarod nodded agreement and returned to his seat. Emily moved closer to him, sensing his turmoil. She placed a hand on his arm as she looked to Angelo.
"What are you going to name her?"
Angelo did not think for more than a second before his answer came.
"Angel."
****
Upstairs, Parker sat on her bed, her whole body shaking. Why hadn't she taken the book out from under the tree? Damn it, she should have thought of it, but her mind had been so muddled since she'd spoken with Elizabeth this morning. Why had she even given it to him in the first place?
Collapsing back on the bed, Parker was about to close her eyes in frustration when she saw the scroll of paper on her pillow. She reached over and picked it up, taking off the small ribbon that held it closed.
Her eyes filled with quick escaping tears she looked at what it was. Surely, she should not have been surprised that she and Angelo shared their mother's gift for art, but what he had done, the image he had created, was both beautiful and startling.
The drawing was of her looking in a mirror...the reflection staring back at her from the mirror was their mother.
"Her voice is inside you."
Jarod had said those words to her once, and she had wanted to believe them, but she just didn't. Even staring at the amazing image her brother had created, Parker still doubted the real force of her mother inside of her.
But if she wasn't there, Parker's mind argued, if she wasn't part of you, then why did you love Thomas? Why did you help Emily? Why did you risk everything for Angelo and Jarod?
Standing, leaving the drawing on her bed, Parker made her way to the mirror.
"Are you really there, mama?"
*****
The group downstairs was now finished with their gifts, and as Angelo carefully fed his new puppy the warm milk Harry had given to him, the rest of the family gathered at the table for dinner. Jarod again had to fight the urge to go after Parker when a glance from Angelo seemed to remind him to stay away.
They were just serving the first dish when she entered the room. He could see that she'd been crying, and he wanted to ask her what was wrong, wanted to know about the book, but something inside of him told him to wait. Instead he stood and pulled out a chair for her. Smiling weakly, she accepted the offered seat and joined them.
Dinner progressed smoothly, and though Parker was not chatty, she at least participated, which was more than any of them had expected after the way she'd disappeared from the living room earlier.
It had taken a superhuman effort for her to come back downstairs, and Parker was beginning to feel the toll. She wanted to try and be a part of this, to join in to the family, but she felt like the last 24 hours -- the nightmare, her thoughts about the Centre and her father -- they were suddenly unraveling all that had happened the last few months. She no longer felt strong and brave. She felt scared and alone. She felt like that little girl who had been left alone so many years ago.
Excusing herself, Parker went upstairs to bed. Surprisingly, sleep came quickly and for a while, it seemed that it would be the balm that healed her frazzled nerves and sad heart.
Then, it happened again.
This time, she woke in her bed at home in Blue Cove. She walked through the house, seeing nothing out of place except for an open front door. Some bright, shining light seemed to be burning from outside the door, and a curious Parker headed toward it...
and into Hell.
Her mother and Thomas stood before her, their bodies bloodied with the bullet wounds that had taken their lives. Slowly, they both raised their hands and pointed behind her. Terrified, Parker turned to see what was waiting there, and she screamed when her eyes fell on the sight that befell her eyes.
Jarod and Angelo...all bloodied and ghostly, just as her mother and Thomas had been...
To her right side, she heard weeping, and she turned to see Emily, Charles, and Sydney standing there, pointing at her. In unison, their tear-filled voices reached her.
"It was you. They died because of you."
Then, from her left came laughter, and Parker turned to see her father and Lyle and a man she had never seen before, but instinctively knew was the man who had begun the hell that had become her life - her grandfather. They all pointed at her, their laughter continuing as they spoke.
"It was you, Parker. We killed them because of you."
Back in reality, Parker shot out of bed, sweat pouring down her face as she fought to chase the horrible images away. This time there was no screaming, only the cold truth of what she had to do.
*****
Jarod had come downstairs because he could not sleep. The day had been too full of emotions and he had been left with too many questions. He was startled when he heard the sound of a trunk closing, and even more surprised when he looked outside and saw a cab driver climbing into his car. Parker was climbing into the back seat.
Running, Jarod made his way to the car before it could pull out of the driveway. The driver stopped, and Parker reluctantly threw open the door and faced Jarod.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm going home, Jarod. It's where I belong."
"Parker, you have a family here -"
"No, Jarod. Angelo has a family here, and I'm glad for that, but I don't belong here."
"And you think you belong there?"
"It's who I am."
"Then why did you leave me the book? Why did you mark that passage, Parker?"
"MISS Parker."
The sound of her voice was so cold, so filled with ice that it caused Jarod to move away from her. Parker slammed the door, and the car quickly sped away.
It was hours later when Emily found Jarod still outside, his body nearly blue from the time in the freezing cold. He was kneeling in the driveway, his head in his hands.
"Jarod, what is it, what happened?"
"She's too afraid. She's too afraid and she ran away."
Emily pulled her brother into her arms and rocked him gently as his tears fell. His worst fear had come true...he had lost her again.
