Total Recall by KB
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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Part 7 – The Game of Life
Once she was finally allowed into the room, Jennifer stopped at the threshold, a hand holding open the door, and stared at the figure on the bed. She was frozen in place, except for her eyes that traveled over his body and the equipment with which he was clinging to life. It took several seconds before she realized that she had ceased to breathe and her first intake of air matched the first step that she took into the room.
White gauze pads were taped onto his skin and, stained slightly with blood, contrasted sharply with the bronzed skin that had been tanned by the surgical disinfectants. His face…her eyes traveled to his face and she visually scanned the closed eyelids and the partly open mouth, a tube vanishing into its depths that was responsible for the regular rise and fall of his chest. It wasn't natural - she could see that. His breathing had never been so regular, so measured. Even in his sleep, it was often ragged and erratic. Now the steadiness of it frightened her and she took a half step back before going into the room and letting the door swing shut behind her.
With trepidation, she approached the bed. For several seconds she stood there, waiting for some response as he had so often responded during the nights they had spent together. When that failed, however, she dropped into the chair that waited beside the bed for that purpose and, slowly, took one of his hands in both of hers. It was warm and this fact registered in her mind with a dull sense of surprise. Seeing his lack of color, she had expected his skin to be cold, even slightly damp, but instead it was warm and dry. When the door opened, she turned quickly, heart pounding. The woman who had entered softly walked over and stood beside her.
"Jennifer, I'm sorry about what happened."
"Mary-Ann, are you...?"
"I've been put on as Jarod's nurse for the next few hours. If you need anything, just press that." The dark-skinned nurse indicated the small buzzer that lay near the pillow, pinned to the sheet and then put a gentle hand on Jennifer's shoulder. "I've pulled people back from the brink of death before this. I'm sure, together, we can do it again."
Jennifer tried to smile, but she felt as if all of her emotions had been drained from her in the few half-seconds after watching Jarod crumple to the ground. The agony of that moment swept over her again and she failed to notice as the nurse slipped from the room. It wasn't until the door opened nearly an hour later and Sarah entered that Jennifer looked around. Even then she stared blindly, taking in nothing of the scene before her.
Sarah, too, was shocked at the sight but she remained calm and walked over to Jennifer, Kyle clutched in her arms. The boy's mother took him automatically but the gurgling that began the moment her arms were around him brought her out of her thoughts and she looked at the small face smiling up at her. The similarity to the man lying on the bed brought her both pain and relief and she looked at her friend with a smile, even as a tear slowly made its way down her face.
"How was he?"
"Angelic, as usual." Sarah paused. "Can you tell me - what happened?"
Jennifer took a deep breath and controlled the trembling in her voice. "My car wasn't working and so I asked Parker to give me a lift home. I was going to call you from there and have you bring Kyle around. But she had to stay for a meeting and arranged for Sam to drive me."
"The sweeper?"
Jennifer nodded slowly. "We were approaching the house when Sam recognized a figure that I'd seen several moments earlier. Of course, I hadn't said anything about who it was, but Sam recognized him nonetheless and before I could stop him, had brought the car over to side of the road and jumped out, drawing his gun. Jarod had seen the car stop and was preparing to run but, when Sam yelled out, he paused before taking off. Sam fired two shots and hit Jarod both times in the chest. As he turned to me, I'd taken my gun out of its holster and slammed him in the back of the head with it. I don't have proper bullets in it so shooting him would have been no good. He dropped as fast as Jarod did, but I ignored him and ran over to..." The tension of the moment swept over her again and the muscles in her face tightened. "It was lucky that the road was quiet, otherwise I probably would have been run over."
"A woman called an ambulance as her husband came out to help me." She paused and steadied her voice, unaware of the tears that were pouring down her cheeks. "It hadn't really hit me, what had happened, and I told them to take Sam into their house and keep him there until I called for him."
"But Sam's got to be a big, strong guy and these two people are...?"
"About our age. However he's my dentist and I think Sam might be doing a bit of sleeping for the next few days." The giggle that she let out revealed to Sarah how emotionally wound up she was, and the doctor forced her voice to be calm.
"So you got the ambulance to bring him here? When?"
"About six...no, seven hours ago. They finished with the surgery to remove the bullets, settled him in here and then let me come in to see him."
"Oh God." Sarah's voice was soft as she put her arm around her friend. "But he'll pull through, I know he will. We got him through that bout of pneumonia, so we can get him through this too."
Jennifer sat in the chair and waited for something to happen. It was all she was able to do, wait, and she remembered the time, only a few months earlier, when Jarod had had to wait in the same way while she was in theatre. Her hand moved to her stomach, now beginning to announce the coming baby, and she allowed herself several seconds to think about what it would be like to bring up both the children without their father. To remove the thought, she shook her head gently and then picked up one of the books that Sarah had brought. It was a relief, she thought as she began to read, that her friend was willing to take care of Kyle. She didn't feel as though she could deal with an active two-year-old at this point. And Kyle was certainly active. Sydney had come around on several occasions to see them and commented on the similarity between the child now and his father at twice that age.
The opening door revealed the subject of her thoughts and she watched his face gradually drain of color as Sydney took in the scene.
"Is he...?"
Jennifer closed the book and put it on the blanket next to Jarod's hand. "He's still alive - just. At least, they did an EEG and there was brain activity. I couldn't help thinking, though, that it was less than it would usually be for him." Jennifer's voice was cold and emotionless but Sydney was so caught up in his own feelings that he never noticed. "They're not sure that he'll ever wake up."
She fought back the tears and moved away from the bed so that Sydney wouldn't see her face. He took her place in the chair and she moved over to the window and stared out at the trees bending under the strong winds that usually foreshadowed a storm.
"Do you think he can hear us?"
"I don't know, Sydney." Her voice shook and she had to swallow several times before she could trust herself to speak again. "The doctors said he might be able to. They really aren't sure."
Jennifer half turned when she felt a hand on her shoulder and she looked into Michelle's eyes as they overflowed with sympathy, causing her own to fill again with tears.
"And how are you doing?"
Jennifer looked up from the book to see Sydney asleep in his chair on the other side of the hospital bed. He had protested that sleep would be impossible, but after Michelle telling her that he had driven them both from Michelle's house to the hospital without a break, Jennifer knew that he would need as much sleep as he could get. For that matter they all would but she wouldn't let herself close her eyes. She had to be there, and awake, no matter what happened.
Walking over to the playpen, she picked up her son and carried him over to the window. Softly she began to tell him the names of the trees that they could see through the small pane of glass. Everyone who entered the room spoke quietly, as though the patient could be disturbed. In the silence, Jennifer's mind went back to a conversation that she and Jarod had had just after Lyle and Brigitte had experimented on her.
"You told me that you once believed in God. What happened?"
"That's true. I used to believe in God. I guess I don't anymore."
He looked up at her from his seat on the floor. "Why not?"
She sighed and, without realizing what she was doing, placed one hand on her arm where the drugs had been injected. "Every night, when they were holding me in the Centre, I prayed to God to get me out so that I wouldn't have to deal with it again. But He didn't. I was still there when I woke up every morning. Jarod, I..."
Her sobs cut her short and Jarod knelt in front of her, his face on a level with her own as he looked into her eyes, holding her face in his hands.
"I didn't want you to see me like this, not with all the bruises and cuts. I wanted to be okay by the time you found that I was out. I made Sydney promise not to tell you." He moved over to sit next to her on the sofa and she buried her head in his shoulder. "But even earlier than that, after my parents..."
Her voice trembled, revealing to him an emotion that she had never shown before when talking about her family.
"After they died, I prayed that I wouldn't be alone and that I wouldn't feel lonely, but I did - I felt like the whole world was passing by and that I had stepped out of the line. I couldn't do anything except watch it go."
"I'm sorry." His voice was a soft and tender whisper. "I'm sorry that I couldn't be there to help you. I'm sorry that you had to go through it alone. But don't ever hide things like that from me. Let me help you to deal with them. I want to help you."
A ringing brought her out of her daydream and she turned to see Sydney jump out of his seat and pull the cell phone from his pocket. Despite being on the other side of the room, she could still hear what was being said.
"Sydney, where the hell are you?"
"Does it matter?"
There was a short pause, resulting, Jennifer guessed, from Miss Parker's shock at receiving such an unusual answer.
"Of course it damn well matters. There hasn't been a clue left by Rat-Boy in over a month, I've got the whole Triumvirate on my back and you're off having a holiday somewhere."
Sydney's jam set firmly and Jennifer knew that he was fighting for control just as much as she was. They both turned to look at the figure on the bed.
"Sydney? Sydney, answer me, dammit!"
"Parker...Go to hell!"
Sydney disconnected the call. He and Jennifer stared at each other for several seconds before they both laughed. It was only brief, however. The gravity of the situation was too great for amusement. Jennifer moved over and was about to hug him when a thought occurred to her.
"Could they trace that? I mean can they find out where we are?"
"Jarod gave me a device about a month ago that would prevent the Centre from being able to trace it. At least, it gives the impression that I'm at home. But for now..." He turned the phone over and removed the battery from the handset, walking over to place it in the bin that sat in the corner of the room.
"You're putting Jarod ahead of the Centre?"
"Don't you think it's time I did? After you found those files, it made me realize that I've been fooling myself all along. All I've ever done is put space between us. In the end, it took you to show that to me."
"It sounds as though you're jealous."
Sydney looked at her as he took his seat beside the bed and she put Kyle back in the playpen. "In a way I was. When Jarod suddenly stopped calling, I couldn't help wondering what was preventing him. And I kept hoping that it wasn't another person, never dreaming that it was someone just a few doors down the hall."
Jennifer took the seat opposite and tried to smile. "In some ways, Jarod's very similar to his son. He's always running after new things. When he does, he often leaves the old ones, but he always comes back to them. He would have started calling you, if...if this hadn't happened. If it's any consolation, he would never stop calling altogether."
"Really?" Sydney was interested. "Why not?"
"He thinks you know things...about his family. He won't stop until he finds out about them, and about himself, if it means going back into the Centre to do it."
"Would he...really?"
"He'd think he had to."
"He'd never get out again."
"Oh, I don't know. Other people have got out of the Centre. Why shouldn't he?"
Sydney looked at Jennifer and a small smile curled the corners of his mouth. "You mean Major Charles and the boy? But I doubt you'd get access to Jarod."
"And why not? Raines would need someone to take notes and who better than his trusted secretary and computer analyst? After all, I've redesigned the entire system so it's more secure than it ever was before. Why should he doubt me?"
Sydney's expression was so comic that she was unable to suppress her laughter. The sound woke her son and he pulled himself to his feet, beginning to gurgle as though joining in. Jennifer walked over, picked him up and gave him to Sydney.
"And now?" Sydney continued with the conversation as Kyle pulled on his tie.
"I can't help thinking of what Jarod would want. I'm not going back there - I can't, not after this. But I'm going to do what I...we should have done at the start." She walked over and pulled out her laptop from a bag in the corner of the room.
"And what should you have done?"
Jennifer pulled out two disks from the case, putting one into the drive. For a few moments she concentrated and then, removing the disk from the machine, she tossed it over to Sydney who caught it clumsily and pocketed it so that the boy in his arms wouldn't chew it.
"That's the record of your time with the Centre: every file and fact that I could find when I was creating the database. For you, Broots and Miss Parker." She then plugged the computer into the phone point and began to send messages through it. "That will send a copy of all the information on the mainframe to the computer at...our house." Her lip trembled slightly but stopped as she pushed the second disk into the computer and began to activate it. "And that is going to send a nasty little virus into the Centre's mainframe."
Sydney grinned. "And this nasty little virus is going to do what?"
"Immediately? Not much. Slowly, over a few weeks, though, files are gradually going to begin disappearing. They'll only be small ones at the start, but then slowly larger ones until the whole system is blank. Also, anything they send will immediately corrupt everything it finds - files, data, everything. And the traces of the virus will be very easy to find for anyone to find, allowing people to easily discover Centre contacts by following the leads. The Centre relies on the mainframe for its whole existence. This will destroy it totally."
"But won't that corrupt your computer as well?"
"J...Jarod and I created this some time ago and I made sure that my computer was immune to it. But I'll have a continued record of any messages they send."
"Continued? So you've always known what was going in and out?"
"Well, of course. It wouldn't be much use to know everything about the Centre if I couldn't find out what was happening, would it?"
"And now?"
"Any record of your association with the Centre, or that of Broots, Miss Parker, Jacob, Angelo, and a select group of others will now have vanished. You'll also find that a very healthy check has been deposited in your bank account." She tried to smile. "Consider it a termination payment."
"What?!"
"Well, with a new chance at life, do you want to have to keep working there, with all the risk involved?"
Sydney remained silent.
"Besides, you've always said that you only wanted to stay there until Jarod was safe. And he is - from Centre capture." Jennifer's voice faded away as her mind filled with the other, and greater, threat, and she was unable to speak.
The disturbance in the doorway brought Jennifer's eyes away from the figure on the bed and she watched as three nurses fought to keep the woman from the room. Sydney had left, several hours earlier, to have dinner with Michelle, but he had extracted a promise from Jennifer that he would be contacted immediately if anything changed.
Seeing who had just arrived, Jennifer was pleased that he had gone. Miss Parker was alone, she noticed, with no sweepers in sight and she mentally congratulated herself on having made a plan for this. At a nod, Sarah, who had arrived as Sydney was leaving, stepped forward and a look from Jennifer dispersed the nurses from the doorway. Miss Parker stepped into the room and froze as her eyes took in the sight. Then, suddenly feeling a hard point pressed into her back, she hesitated and automatically reached for her gun.
"You needn't bother." Jennifer voice was as calm as she hoped it would be. "It's gone." She walked over and took the weapon from the nurse who had slipped it away without being noticed.
"Well, so you've been helping him all the time." Parker's voice was a sneer and her top lip curled.
"Helping him? No, it’s more than that. I've been working with him, as I told you on the message."
"You mean...that was real? Genuine?"
Jennifer didn't reply verbally but nodded and Miss Parker changed the topic of conversation. "And what's this place? I'm guessing it's not a public hospital."
"No, not exactly. The people working here are all friends of mine. Working for and with me...us."
"So what have you done with Sam? I'm guessing it's no co-incidence that he happens to be missing."
"You're right. He's got a sore head but apart from that, he's fine. If...when Jarod wakes up, Sam will be returned to the Centre."
Miss Parker's eyes traveled to the figure on the bed. "And if he doesn't?"
"He will." Jennifer's voice held the certainty that she didn't really feel and it was only the woman standing before her who prevented Jennifer from sinking into the chair and allowing the tears, amassing in her eyes, to fall. As a form of distraction, she picked up her son. "Tell me, Miss Parker. Just by looking at Kyle, can you guess who his father is?"
Miss Parker's face bore a startled expression as her eyes traveled over the small visage, recognizing instantly the dark eyes and other features.
"J...Jarod?"
"Very good. I think an answer like that can move you on to the bonus round."
"And what's the 'bonus round'?"
The pain of a needle in Miss Parker's arm made her turn but the contents were injected before she had a chance to react. With astonishing rapidity, she felt her limbs begin to give way but her mind remained clear and, despite being unable to move from her position on the floor, she could still hear what was being said and, looking up, could see Jennifer standing above her.
"So that you don't run back to the Centre with this little bit of news, I'm afraid that we're going to have to keep you here for a while. Don't worry; the medication will wear off, eventually. At least I hope it will. That's what I've been told."
Jennifer looked up as a trolley was wheeled into the room. The orderly winked at her and then picked up Miss Parker and put her onto the gurney. The woman's face was calm, the drug having fully taken effect, but in her eyes blazed a fierce energy as she glared up at Jennifer, who responded in tones of false merriment.
"Oh come on, Parker. I wouldn't worry. Everything will be fine. Just a few days, hopefully, and we can let you go back to Daddy. All you have to do is wait until Jarod wakes up. Not too hard, really, is it?"
The rapid blinking, the only movement over which she had control, revealed the anger that filled Miss Parker as she realized the trap into which she'd fallen. It had been foolish to obey the directions on the note she'd received, but her only thought had been bringing Jarod back - alone. It was an event that she was sure would have given her the freedom that she wanted, despite what her father had said. That was why she hadn't contacted the Centre before leaving Maine. Now she had become as much as physical prisoner as she had ever been a mental one during her years of involvement with the Centre.
Jennifer turned to the bed and sank, once more, into the chair beside it. Sarah returned the gun to Jennifer's holster and placed it back in the bag.
"You did the right thing."
"Oh, I'm not worried about that." Jennifer sighed and, slowly reaching forward, took Jarod's hand in both of hers. "I just keep hoping every time I look up that he'll be looking back at me. I keep waiting for him to let me know that he knows I'm here."
Sarah put a hand on her shoulder. "You aren't giving up, are you?"
"Sometimes I feel like I should. You know, just let him go."
"But is that what he would want?"
"I guess not."
"Besides, there's another reason."
"Really, what?"
Sarah pointed to the boy, who was back in the playpen in the corner, and tried to smile. "He needs a father. They both do."
Jennifer was finally sleeping, her head resting on the bed near Jarod's hand and with her hand wrapped in his, when Sydney and Michelle returned. Sarah stood up, silently ushering them out of the room.
"Jenn asked me to show you something."
She led them out of the room and into one nearby. Sydney lips twitched with amusement as he saw Miss Parker lying on the bed in the middle of the room, her eyes blazing with anger. The only difference was that now, although other movements were still impossible until the drug wore off completely, she was able to speak. Her room, she had been told, was soundproof and, after some minutes of screaming, Miss Parker had begun to realize that if anyone could actually hear her, they weren't going to come. Since then she had fallen silent, only occasionally cursing at her current situation. Now, as the door swung open, she looked up and glared to see Sydney watching her, his lips twitching.
"Well, Miss Parker, what a surprise to find you here as well!"
"Dammit, Sydney, is there where you've been all along?"
"Yes, as a matter of fact, it is. Jennifer called me and suggested I come."
"So you know about the two of them?"
"I worked it out some time ago. In fact I'm rather surprised that you haven't figured it out before this happened." Sydney's voice took on a patronizing tone. "After all, with your feminine instinct, I would have expected you to be able to guess. Or perhaps that instinct only works when you're pursuing Jarod."
Michelle suppressed a splutter of amusement and she hurriedly left the room with Sarah so that they could enjoy their laughter elsewhere.
Jennifer's head shot up as a crack of thunder brought her out of the sound sleep and she gazed around the dark room for a moment before memory returned. A figure in the corner made her turn but the brief illumination of lightning showed her the white hair and solid figure and she looked back at Jarod.
"I thought you'd be gone longer, Sydney."
The man stepped forward, his features more recognizable in the glow from the heartbeat monitor. "It's not..."
Jennifer turned in amazement. "Major? Major Charles? So you...?"
Jarod's father nodded. "I found something that told me he was and came as soon as possible."
"And...the boy...?"
"He, along with the rest of my family..."
"You found them, then? Oh, how wonderful! Jarod will be thrilled!"
The man walked over, placing a hand on her arm, and looked down at the body of his comatose son. "Tell me, Jennifer, do you think he's going to wake up?"
She sighed and looked back at Jarod. "I...don't know. The doctors think he may, perhaps, one day."
The man went to the door and opened it. Immediately three other figures walked into the room. Despite the dimness of the light, Jennifer could see the red hair of the older woman and the dark hair of the younger one. She also had no trouble recognizing the boy from the short time they had spent together, and the DSAs of Jarod at the same age.
"Oh God!"
Jennifer, not knowing which of the group had uttered the statement, moved away from the bed, allowing Jarod's family the first view of him that they had had for a long time. As she was about to leave the room, however, his mother grabbed her arm and turned a desperate face to her.
"Please, tell me that my son's going to be all right."
"I would give anything in the world to be able to tell you that, but I honestly can't. I don't know. No-one does."
Jennifer walked over to the playpen and picked up her son as Jarod's sister followed.
"This is Kyle." She handed the boy to his aunt. "We named him in honor of your son." Jennifer looked up in time to see Margaret wiping a tear from her cheek and her expression became sad. 'I'm awfully sorry. This is a terrible time for me to mention it."
"No." The woman came over and looked down at the boy and then back up at his mother with a weak smile. "No, it's lovely that you thought of it."
Jennifer leaned back against the windowsill, with her back against the glass that allowed a view of the room from the hallway. "Jarod always felt guilty about what happened, feeling that it should have been him. I thought that might be a way to relieve it."
Charles turned and looked at Jennifer. "What happened - to Lyle, I mean."
"He's a prisoner of the Centre. After you two escaped," she smiled at the boy, who remained silent, "they, Lyle and Brigitte, experimented on me until Raines found out. Raines always liked me and he punished Lyle. He's unable to leave the Centre now, or he'll die quickly and unpleasantly."
"And a good thing too!"
"Charles!" Margaret admonished.
"Well, it is."
"Actually," interposed a voice from the doorway. "I agree with you."
Jennifer took her son as the group took a collective step backwards, away from the intruder. She smiled. "It's all right. Sydney's definitely been one of the best friends that we could have had, especially since...this happened."
"Major," Sydney stepped forward and held out one hand. "It's good to see you again. And Margaret, and you, Emily."
"You must remember, Mom," interposed Emily. "He saved our lives, that day when we first saw Jarod in Boston. Thank-you," she came forward and took his hand, "for letting us get away that day."
Margaret came forward and held out her hand. "I'm sorry. It's just been so long since I've been able to trust anyone..."
Sydney's expression became slightly haggard as he took her hand in both of his and gently kissed her cheek. "I understand."
Jennifer slipped out of the room and allowed the group to get to know each other and try to adjust to the circumstances. As she was making coffee, she felt that a second person was in the room with her and, turning, she saw the boy.
"I never had a chance...to thank you."
She smiled. "For what?"
"Helping us to escape."
Jennifer turned and looked at him, the smile widening. "You could have made it a little easier."
"Yeah...well..."
She walked over and knelt in front of him, putting a gentle finger under his chin and turning his face to hers.
"What is it, James? What else is wrong?"
"It's just...seeing him like that. He's..."
"A part of you. It's natural that you should feel that way. Heck, it's hard on all of us and we all want to do something about it."
"Especially you."
She raised an eyebrow. "Why do you say that?"
"Well, aren't you...?"
Jennifer looked down at the small boy that she had put down on the floor of the kitchenette. "Yes, I suppose we are."
He shuffled his feet and then looked at her. "Have you seen Miss Parker?"
"Would you like to?"
"Well, yeah. She was really nice to me when we met."
Jennifer hesitated. "She...might not be so nice this time."
"Why?" The face that looked up at her carried an expression so familiar it brought tears to her eyes.
"I'll show you."
She ushered him down the hall and into the other room, where Miss Parker now sat on the bed. The Centre operative's eyes narrowed as she saw both Jennifer and the boy enter the room.
"So you found him. I'm impressed."
"Actually, they found me. Walked in on me, the whole group."
Miss Parker turned her attention to the boy, glaring. "And you're helping them, I suppose?"
He looked a little uncomfortable. "Well, yes. I have to. They're..."
Jennifer interrupted smoothly. "They're his family, Parker. You couldn't expect him to work against the family he's just getting to know, could you? After all, you have such a strong belief in family yourself that you wouldn't want to deny him the chance, I'm absolutely certain."
She put a hand on the boy's shoulder and steered him out of the room, leaving Miss Parker to choke angrily over her response.
When Jennifer returned to the room, Sydney and the Major had left it. James had taken Kyle to the playroom down the hall and so she was alone with Emily and Margaret.
"You've known him for a long time." Margaret's voice broke through the silence of the room but her eyes never moved away from her son's face. It was a feeling Jennifer knew well and she nodded.
"Three years. But I'd seen him before that."
"Tell me. I want to know what my son's like."
Jennifer smiled faintly. "I was on the bus, traveling to work one day and I saw a man who kept watching me. It was very subtle but I've always been pretty aware of what was going on around me and if I looked up quickly I could see his eyes leaving my face. It became a kind of game, for me anyway. He might have found it annoying, I don't know. I never asked. But then, a couple of weeks later, he turned up at the office. I matched the face and remembered where I'd heard about him. It all started there."
"And what's he like?"
"Well, I might be a little biased..."
"I bet you are." Emily smiled as she made the statement, her eyes glistening.
The doctor walked into the room and the six adults turned to him. He came over to Jennifer, being the main person he knew, but his comments were addressed to everyone as he led them out of the room and into a nearby empty office. "I said, when this first occurred, that a last resort would be an operation to try and end the coma. I'm afraid we've reached that point now."
Margaret's face sank into her hands and her shoulder began to heave as emotion from the days that they had spent in the hospital began to come out. Her husband put his hands on her shoulders and looked up at the doctor.
"What chance will that give him?"
"I'm afraid that it will only increase his chances by about five percent. But if we don't do it, then it's unlikely that he'll wake up. There was a lot of internal injury..."
Jennifer stopped listening as she clutched her son in her arms and thought about trying to bring up two children without the person who meant so much to them all. Her mind went back to a dream that she had had the previous evening.
'"Momma?"
"What is it, Kyle?" The boy, now twelve, stood beside her bed, out of breath and pale.
"What happened?"
"There was...a man in my room!"
She grabbed the boy and pulled him up onto her bed, holding him. "What do you mean? Where was he?"
"He came from the wall and then he stood at the end of the bed, watching me for a few seconds, before he disappeared."
"Disappeared?” She arched a skeptical eyebrow. “Kyle, are you sure you weren't dreaming?"
"No, Mom. Look." He held out his arm and she saw the red area where he'd obviously pinched himself to make sure that it was real.
"What did he look like?"
"He looked...like that." The boy pointed to the photo that Jennifer had on her wall of Jarod, taken only two months before the shooting. "Just like Dad."
Jennifer felt something twist painfully inside her. "Oh, Kyle, you know it couldn't have been him."
"I know...but it was!"
She took the boy's chin in her hand and made him look at her. "I'm sure it was just your imagination. But even if it wasn't, he wouldn't hurt you."
"Are you sure?"
She kissed him gently on the forehead. "I'm positive."
He hugged her and scrambled off her bed, going back to his room. Through the thin walls of the house she could hear him getting into bed and, a few minutes later, was almost asleep again when her door was flung open and her daughter threw herself at her mother.
"What is it, Emily? What's wrong, sweetheart?"
"The...the man. He's come to get me."
"What man, darling?"
Emily looked around and pointed to the doorway with a muffled scream as she hid her face in her mother's shoulder. "That one! The one standing right there! The one that looks like Daddy!" '
Jennifer looked over but couldn't see anything. However she comforted her in the same way that she had done with her son, thinking at the same time that it was a little unfair that they had seemingly seen their father and she hadn't.
She had woken from the dream feeling slightly comforted but the thought that it could now be real wasn't something that she wanted to contemplate. To control her feelings, she listened to what the doctor was saying.
"...The operation could take some time - anything up to eight hours, in fact. And we need to do it as soon as possible. I'd like it to take place today, now."
Jennifer glanced at her watch. It was only nine o'clock, meaning that the best part of the day would be taken up with the surgery. When the doctor left the room a few moments later, to prepare, the group remained seated. Finally Sydney stood and looked around at the others.
"I'm going to Michelle's for the best part of today. I'd suggest that you might like to come," he looked at Jarod's parents, sister and the boy. "We can't do anything by staying here."
"But...just in case..." As Margaret said the words, her husband put a gentle arm around her shoulder. "I know how you feel, but I think Sydney's right. We can't do anything here. I'm going to go in and see him. Do you want to come? And then we could go with Sydney to see Michelle and her son."
The family left the room and only Sydney, Jennifer and Kyle were left
"Do you want to join us?"
Jennifer shook her head. "No. I'll stay here. Even if I can't do anything, I'll feel better by staying. And," her mouth tried to smile but there was no life in her eyes. "Maybe I can get Miss Parker to forgive me for holding her here."
Sydney smiled slightly in response. "Well, I won't hold my breath." He began to leave the room.
"Sydney?"
"Yes?" He looked back.
"I know that Jarod would want me to thank you for everything you've done. I know that he forgave you, especially after that phone call. I thought you might like to know."
He nodded and left the room, determined not to let her see the tears in his eyes.
Jennifer stood as the doctor entered the room. She moved back against the wall, out of the way, while they rolled the bed into its usual position. Her eyes traveled over the still figure and she could see no difference, except for the bandages around the head that completely hid his dark hair.
"Jennifer? Can I have a word?"
She followed the doctor into the hallway but her eyes continued to look through the window at the body on the bed.
"I'm sorry."
"What?" She shook her head to clear her mind and then stared at the doctor.
"There's nothing else we can do now."
"You mean he could...?" The word stuck in her throat.
"I'm afraid it's quite likely. There's nothing more that modern medicine can do for him. All we can do is hope - and pray."
'"You told me that you once believed in God. What happened?"'
The memory of the phrase drifted teasingly through Jennifer's mind. She hardly noticed when the doctor gently touched her on the arm and moved away down the hall. When the room was empty, she walked in, pausing on the threshold as she had done on the day that he was first admitted. Her memory began assailing her with images of their time together.
"What makes you think I was in Oregon?"
"Let's shut this place down!"
"How do I know if I can really trust you?"
"Can no-one keep anything from you?"
"You get away with so much!"
"If you do want to go for a walk, it's better to do so in fine weather and not when there's a blizzard raging."
"A boy...I'm going to be a father..."
"Well, if nothing interrupts us, I thought I'd give myself a vacation."
"What would I do without you?"
"Are you really going to be okay?"
"Are you always thinking about other people?"
"I love you."
Each thought was accompanied by a step into the room until she stood beside the bed. The last words caused tears to begin pouring down her cheeks and she began to sob wildly, clutching his hand frantically in both of hers.
"Oh, Jarod, please, you can't expect me to bring up our children alone. Do you want them to have to grow up without a father?" The tears flowed freely down her face and began to soak into her top and also to fall onto the bed sheets. "I need you. I've always needed you. I haven't been lonely or unhappy since I met you, even when things were going badly. I can't afford to lose you now."
'"You told me that you once believed in God. What happened?"'
The thought appeared again, accompanied by the doctor's advice. '" All we can do is hope - and pray."' Jennifer dropped to her knees by the bed and took firmer hold on Jarod's hand. Then she did something that she had thought she would never do again. She began to pray.
