Total Recall by KB
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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Part 8 – Chance of a Lifetime
Time had seemed to stand still since Jennifer's impassioned plea. She had backed away from the bed and now stood leaning against a wall, trying to gain strength from its sturdiness. Her eyes flickered around the room and she was numbly surprised to see that it had been more than two hours since the doctor had spoken to her. A sound in the corridor drew her eyes to the internal window and she watched as a figure, sheet completely covering the body, was wheeled past on a trolley.
'Jarod's taller than that,' she thought vaguely, 'so the sheet will have to be bigger'.
That thought, somehow, didn't now seem harsh or out of place. She waited for her mind to scream that he was still alive and needed her to fight for him but the thought never came. Understanding, she realized that his death now seemed inevitable. Her mind was full of the idea but the peace she had been expecting to accompany it wasn't immediately forthcoming. She stumbled towards the bed and slipped her hand into his non-responsive one. Leaning down she whispered into his ear the phrases that slowly formed in her mind.
"It's okay, if you want to go. Don't stay for us. We'll miss you, but we'll be okay. You do whatever you have to do, but always remember that I love you with all my heart and soul."
Sydney closed the door and slowly sat down in the chair beside the bed. He had been counting the time since the phone call that had first brought him to the hospital: fifty-seven days and still no change. He was sure that eventually something had to happen - it was merely a matter of waiting. No matter what the doctor thought, Jarod would eventually open his eyes and life could get back to normal. It was impossible to think otherwise. His gaze moved to the screen where the green line rose and fell, accompanied by the monotonous beeping. Sydney half turned as the door opened, hopeful for a new face from those gathered around the bed for the previous three months, although he would have been unable to give a name, had he been asked. The woman was a disappointment and, as Margaret came over to the bed, he turned back and recommenced his examination of the thin, wan features before him.
"How is he?"
"The same. When the doctor came in he...there's no change."
Sydney swallowed the harsh sentence that the physician had been forced to utter and that the loving mother had missed by virtue of having been made to sleep in a room down the hall for a short time.
"Do you think he'll...ever...?" The words choked the mother's throat as her eyes tried to absorb the image of as much of the face, which she had only just begun to know, as possible, before it was torn away by the forthcoming separation.
Sydney rose and put a hand on her shoulder. "We can only hope. I'm sure that he wouldn't leave - if he didn't have to. But we need to wait and see."
Jennifer entered Miss Parker's room with such a look of desperate sorrow, mixed with a sort of resignation, on her face that Miss Parker feared that a cessation of life had occurred within the building and the sharp sentences that had formed on her tongue dissolved before she had a chance to verbalize them.
"What...is he...?"
"Not yet, although I'm not entirely sure why you care."
Miss Parker jumped at the bitterness in the tone. "Do you really think that I wouldn't care?"
"Yes, I do."
Jennifer turned to face her and Miss Parker felt almost afraid as she saw the brown eyes staring at her with such an expression of revulsion and disgust in them that Miss Parker wondered how any friendship have ever existed between them.
"Why would you care? All you've ever done is to try to repel any attempt he made to be friendly towards you. He gave you everything that you could have needed to break away and have a good and happy life, but every time you threw it all back in his face. I hope you realize that you're at least partly responsible for this and I wonder how you can even live with yourself!"
Jennifer spat out the last sentence and turned on her heel, abruptly leaving the room and slamming the door behind her. Miss Parker, to her surprise, could think of nothing to say in her own defense. There was truth in what Jennifer had said, she silently acknowledged, although it hurt to admit it.
Later that night, as Jennifer lay in her bed, two doors down from the room where Jarod was, she regretted the words. They came, she knew, from frustration but it wasn't justified. It wasn't Miss Parker's fault that they were in the situation. She had contributed to it, beyond doubt, but there was no direct responsibility. As she turned these thoughts over in her head, the door to her room opened, a crack of light widening on her bed. She sat up and watched as two figures came in. Her son ran over and pulled himself up onto the bed, nestling into his mother's arms.
"He was having a nightmare," Emily explained, unnecessarily considering Kyle's agitation, and Jennifer rubbed a hand on his back.
"What happened, sweetie?"
"Mommy, is Daddy going to wake up?" The words were quite clear, despite his age and the fact that his face was buried in her shoulder. She put up a trembling hand and stroked his head.
"I...don't know," she replied honestly. "But maybe, if we ask God, he will."
"Promise?"
"I don't promise because I never make promises I can't keep. And, if he doesn't wake up, then we'll know that God needed him more than we did. Remember how we talked about it last night?"
The little boy nodded and slipped him thumb towards his mouth, but a look from his mother made him whip it out again and he gave her a small smile. "I wanted to see if you would remember."
"And remember what Daddy said would happen if you sucked your thumb?"
"Yup." He smiled at his aunt. "He gave me a present when I stopped." Emily smiled back at him and in the half-dark he couldn't see the tears that glistened in her eyes. Jennifer knew they were there, though, as she looked down at her son with a smile. "Now, will you go to bed and not worry any more. Even if God does take Daddy, we'll still have each other, right?"
"Uh huh, and the new baby."
"That's right." She kissed him on the top of the head and he scrambled off the bed. "Good night, precious."
She watched as he left the room and Emily came over and sat on the bed beside her. "Do you really believe that? The things you said to him?"
Jennifer looked at her. "I don't say things to him that I don't mean, and I certainly wouldn't not tell him what might happen. It'll be a terrible shock for him if...when Jarod dies. I couldn't bear it if he went through the whole of his life resenting me because I didn't tell him that his father was dying. I might have to bring up one child with no living memory of a father. I don't want to have to do it for both."
Emily got up from the bed. "I want you to know how...how much I respect you for that." She was gone before the other woman could respond, so Jennifer lay down again to try and sleep.
The next disturbance was, she knew, not reality. For one thing, Jarod sat on the bed beside her and for another he held a newborn baby in his arms. A baby, she knew, that belonged to him. He leaned over and brushed away the tears that she felt spilling down her cheeks as she watched him.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't there when Kyle was born. And if I can't be there when the other member of our family comes into the world then I'm sorry for that too. But mostly, I'm sorry if I have to leave you. I don't want to, you know that."
"I know." The words that came from her mouth were soft and seemed detached, but the feeling that swept through her like an incoming tide was unmistakable. If he did go, she knew, suddenly, that they would be all right without him.
"I love you."
He nodded. "I know. I've always known that."
