Disclaimer:  In first chapter.

Chapter 36

“I can’t believe I’m wearing this crap,” Miss Parker grumbled as she stood in front of the bathroom sink, looking at her reflection in the mirror.  Instead of her usual nice silk pajamas that she was always accustomed to wearing, she now donned an old, faded orange t-shirt with ‘Princeton University’ stamped across her chest and a pair of light blue hospital scrubs for pants.  And, of course, to make the night lovelier, her pants were a size to big.  They did have drawstrings, but once again she was useless to tie them up by herself.  Letting out a frustrated sigh, she made her way to the bathroom door.

With her left hand basically out of commission, she used her right hand to hold her pants up.  When she reached out to grab the doorknob, she soon realized her dilemma—she couldn’t open the door.  Taking a deep, calming breath, she stood back from the door and yelled for Jarod.

He was at the door instantly.  “Parker, what is it?  Is everything okay in there?” he asked worriedly.

Feeling frustrated with her helplessness, she closed her eyes and replied back, “I can’t open the door.”

“Are…are you dressed?” he questioned nervously.

“Yes,” she sighed.

Opening the door halfway, Jarod peered inside.  Nodding towards the waistband of her pants he said, “I’m guessing you’re going to need help with those.”

“Yeah,” she answered quietly, staring down at the floor.

Taking a few steps he stood in front of her.  Grabbing the strings, he quickly tied them.  Once done, he looked up at her and asked, “Not to tight?”  Shaking her head in response, he withdrew his hands.  “Well, like I said before, I made some sandwiches so I hope you’re hungry,” he said as he walked out of the bathroom.

Following him out, Miss Parker replied back, “I’m starving.”  As Jarod walked over to the dresser, she sat down on the bed.  Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, she saw the necklace and ring sitting beside it.  Grabbing the two items, she stared at the jewelry curiously.  So lost in her thoughts, she didn’t hear Jarod as he sat down beside her.

“I guess you’re wondering why I reacted so strongly to your wedding ring,” Jarod said softly.

Turning slightly in her position, she looked over at him.  “I didn’t realize this was my…I mean ‘her’ wedding ring.”

Confusion spread across Jarod’s face.  “Her?” he asked.

“Your Parker,” she answered back. 

“But you are my Parker, and soon, you’ll remember everything from your past.  It’s just going to take some time.”

Jarod, always the optimist, she thought wryly.  Shaking her head she said, “Jarod, how many times do I have to tell you, I’m not…” 

Reaching out, Jarod placed a finger on her lips, silencing her.  “Please, don’t,” he whispered out.  The sadness and longing in his voice was unmistakable.  She wished she could do something to ease his pain, but what?  “To me, you’ll always be Melissa Abigail Parker, mother of the three most beautiful children in the world, devoted friend and confidant, who would do anything to defend the weak and abused, even animals.”  Hearing her soft laughter brought a smile to Jarod’s face.  Absently, his hand moved from her lips to her cheek as he continued, “You were this lovely little girl who eventually turned into this striking, beautiful woman sitting before me.  You give me hope that brighter days are ahead for us, so please, don’t tell me that you aren’t Parker, because no matter how much you deny it, you’ll always be that little girl who gave me my first kiss,” he finished, dropping his hand from her face as he looked away from her.

“Jarod…”  She wanted to do something, say anything to ease his pain, but she was clueless at what to do.  Empathy was never her strong suit.  However, when Jarod turned and looked at her, all her insecurities went out the door.  Words didn’t seem right, so she did the only thing she could do, she reached out and grabbed his hand, hoping to convey some sort of understanding with him.

Obviously, Jarod was touched by the small gesture as a wry smile graced his lips.  Squeezing her hand in return, he said, “I know.”  Giving one last heartfelt squeeze, he let go of her hand and reached for the wedding ring.  Staring thoughtfully at the band he said, “I remember when I bought this for you.”  A whimsical look graced his features as he continued, “You should’ve seen us—me, Kyle, and…your brother, looking for an engagement ring and matching band for you.  It was the blind leading the blind; we had no clue on how to shop for a woman.  Luckily, a grandmotherly looking saleswoman took pity on us.”

Glancing over at Parker, he could see her smiling.  Grinning himself, he held the ring between them and continued, “Well, we spent five hours looking over countless rings, but nothing never seemed right.  As the store hours were winding down, the saleslady brought out one last ring, one that hadn’t been put out in any of the showcases yet.  When, I saw it, I knew it was the one.  Buying the tear shaped diamond on the spot; I asked the lady if she would mine putting an engraving on it…”

“What was the engraving?” Parker asked, taking the ring from Jarod’s fingers.

Scooting closer to her, Jarod pointed to the area of the ring and answered, “See here…”  When she nodded yes he continued, “It’s an infinity sign.  As you know, I’ve always been fond of the number eight.”

Glancing over at him, she asked, “Why is that?”

“It’s a sign that has no ending, it just goes on forever.”  Pausing, he gazed into her eyes an added sadly, “Just like our love used to be.”

“You still love her?” Miss Parker asked, already knowing the answer in her heart.

Jarod gazed down at the food in his hands, trying to avoid her knowing eyes.  After some time, Jarod finally whispered out the words he was afraid of ever saying to her again. “I do still love…you.”  Taking a deep breath, he looked in to her blue eyes, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t throw his heartfelt words back into his face.

She wanted to say something to break the awkward silence that fell between them, but nothing seemed adequate.  Seconds slowly ticked by, and the silence was only adding more hurt to Jarod’s sincere eyes.  Parker, do something before it’s too late, her mind kept shouting to her.  Seeing Jarod getting up from the bed, Miss Parker instantly grabbed his wrist, pulling him back down beside her.

“Parker, if you don’t love me, then just say it because I’m tired of all this.  It’s not fair to me, the kids, and even you,” he choked out.  “When I found your ring, I was hopeful that our love wasn’t dead, but now, I’m not so sure.”  Shaking his head to ward off the tears, he continued, “I can’t keep putting my life on hold for someone who doesn’t even want me back in their life.”  Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Jarod finally locked eyes with Miss Parker.  Grabbing her hand between both of his he asked quietly, “Is it over between us, or do you feel the same way I do?”

She was beyond uncomfortable.  She wanted so badly to get away from this situation, from the questions that deserved an honest answer from her.  Miss Parker tried to pull her hand away, but Jarod kept a firm grip.  “Let me go, Jarod,” she ordered evenly.

“No, I won’t let you run away again.  Anything emotional, you run and hide behind your father, but no more,” he replied back. 

“I swear Jarod, if you don’t let me go, I…I…”

Raising a defiant chin in the air he shot back, “What?  What are you going to do?”

She felt like she was on a horrific emotional rollercoaster where there was no end in sight.  Just when she thought the ride was over, it would start all over again.  A few tears ran down her cheek as she looked away from Jarod.  “Jarod, I can’t,” she whispered out softly.

Miss Parker was startled when Jarod’s fingers rested under her chin, tilting her face back to his.  He stared at her for long, agonizing seconds before he finally came to a conclusion.  “You’re scared…”

Wriggling her chin away, she narrowed her eyes at him.  “I’m not afraid of anything.”  She tried to sound strong, but the tone in her voice betrayed her.

Eyes softening, Jarod tilted his head to the side.  “What are you scared of?  Is it me?  Us?  Please don’t shut me out, let me help you.”  Cupping her cheek he pleaded, “Please tell me.”

His touch was like a tuning fork reverberating through her, reassuring her that everything was okay.  Closing her eyes, she let out a deep sigh, hoping that her emotions wouldn’t completely run away with her.  She was tired of the constant battle waging within her heart and mind when it came to her feelings for Jarod.  She was so scared to cross that bridge.  She didn’t want to fall in the dark, black abyss that lay beneath it.  All those she loved in the past always met a tragic end.  It was hard enough to crawl out of that dark hole before, and she didn’t think she would have the strength to climb from it once again if something happened to Jarod.

Opening her eyes, she looked down at their clasped hands before glancing up at his face.  “Jarod, I know you want answers, and believe me, I would love to give them to you, but…I need time to sort everything out.”  She paused an added, “It’s the best I can give you…for now anyways.”

Jarod’s gaze never left hers as he pondered her words.  A few moments later a look of understanding flashed within his eyes.  “Well then, your best is what I have to accept.”  A smile tugging the corner of his mouth, he turned around and handed her a sandwich.  “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m famished.” 

Grabbing his own sandwich, he hopped off the bed and grabbed the television remote from atop the dresser.  Walking back over to the bed, he plopped down on the area that used to be his side and turned on the TV.

Miss Parker gave Jarod a bewildered look as he got comfy on the bed, flipping through the channels.  Turning completely around to face him, she sat Indian style an asked, “That’s it?”

Stopping on a sports channel, Jarod looked over at Parker.  “As much as I would love to have your answer, I’ll just have to accept the response you gave me.”  Turning on his side, he propped up his right arm, resting his head against his hand.  “Besides, there are other things we have to talk about.”

Stopping mid chew, she asked warily, “What other things?”

Sitting up, he answered, “After our meeting with Detective Henderson, I met an old friend of mine in the hallway as we were walking out of his office.”  Jarod knew the name he was about to say would irk Parker more than anything else.  Alex and Parker never got along for as long as he could remember.  She always called him a pompous, obnoxious, narcissistic jerk.

“Who was it?” she questioned as she took another bite from her sandwich.

“It was Alex.”

Miss Parker choked on the ham and cheese sandwich as Jarod’s words sunk in.  “Alex,” she coughed out, taking a few drinks from her bottled water.

“Are you alright?” asked Jarod, patting her a few times on the back.

“I’m fine.”  Waving him away to sit back down she continued.  “What did the pain in the ass have to say?” She asked caustically.

“He basically told me to be careful of Brad.  That he has friends in high places…like your father’s law firm,” he replied back.

“Can you really trust Alex, Jarod?” she asked with concern.  “He could be playing some twisted game with you.”

“I know how you feel about Alex, but, if you seen him with your own eyes, you would know he was telling the truth.  Besides, Alex and I have been friends since college.  He wouldn’t lie to me about something like this,” Jarod said adamantly.

“I still don’t trust him, Jarod,” she shot back.  “By the way, why was Alex at the police station?”

Rubbing the tension from his neck he answered nervously, “He was there helping a client.”

“So, he’s a lawyer.”  When Jarod nodded yes, it then dawned on her.  “He works for my father, doesn’t he?”

“Yes, he does.”

“Jarod, he could easily be setting you up, for what I don’t know.  What I can’t figure out is why he would risk everything for you, for the kids?  It doesn’t make sense,” she replied back.

Jarod was becoming slightly angry with Parker’s accusations.  “He’s my friend.  He wouldn’t do that to me.  I know he’s telling the truth.  Besides, I think I know who may have been behind Brandon’s small escapade tonight at the game.”

“Who?”

“I believe it was Brad.  It would make perfect sense.  Brandon has never met him, so of course he wouldn’t describe him very well to authorities, and if he did, the description would be vague and non-descript.”  Grabbing the two empty plates off the bed, he said over his shoulder, “It would be something your father would do, to throw me off your mother’s investigation into her death.  I’m obviously getting closer to the truth.”

Putting the plates down, Jarod braced his arms on the dresser, keeping his back towards Miss Parker.  Head hung low; she knew Jarod was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.  Obviously tonight scared him more than he let on.

Getting up from the bed, Miss Parker walked over to him.  She wanted to hold him, and tell him everything would be okay, that he wasn’t alone in this fight.  Together, they were unstoppable.  But, try as she might, she just couldn’t make herself cross that bridge.  Fear of facing her feelings still held her back. 

Resting a hand on his back, she whispered out softly, “Jarod…”

“Parker, I don’t know what to do,” he answered quietly.  “I want to help find justice for your mother, but after tonight, I don’t know if it’s worth it.  I don’t want our children’s lives involved in some sick little game of your father’s.”  He paused, taking in a shaky breath before continuing.  “We could’ve easily lost Brandon and Sarah tonight.  I’m just worried if I continue with this investigation that Josh will be next on that list, maybe even you.”

“Jarod, look at me,” she ordered softly.

Shaking his head from side to side, Jarod croaked out, “I can’t.  I’m too ashamed of myself because I am a failure…to our friends, to you, to this family, to us.  It seems no matter what I do to make things right, in the end, someone always gets hurt by my mistakes.”

“Jarod, listen to me,” she said, turning his head to face her.  “You are not a failure.  I’ve never seen anyone who cares so much about the welfare of others as you do.  Everything you do has a reason, so don’t sell yourself short.”  Seeing a tear run down his cheek, she used her thumb to wipe the tear away.  Resting her hand on his cheek she added softly, “Your children will always love you and believe in you because of the man you are today.”

Resting his hand on top of hers, he gazed into her eyes and asked softly, “And what about you?”

Miss Parker gave him a confused look.  “What about me?”

Taking a step closer, never letting go of her hand, he replied back, “How do you feel about me?”

Miss Parker tried to pull her hand away, but Jarod wouldn’t let go.  Getting annoyed, she answered defensively, “Jarod, this is getting ridiculous.  Every time I’m honest with you, you have to throw it back in my face, questioning my views on things.”  She ceased her struggles, realizing they were becoming futile.  Taking a deep breath, she locked eyes with Jarod and said, “What do you want from me, Jarod?”

“I just want you to be honest with me and yourself.”  He dropped their hands from his face, but still didn’t let hers go.  “Earlier tonight, when we were on the porch talking and I kissed you, I know I initiated that.  But, afterwards was a different story.  I saw the longing in your eyes as you were about to kiss me.”  He paused, running the back of his hand across her cheek.  “They say the eyes are the windows to a person’s soul.  No matter how much you try to fight it Parker, I know you love me.  But, why you’re afraid, I don’t have an answer too.”  Cupping her face he asked sympathetically, “What are you afraid of?”

Tears burned in Miss Parker’s eyes, but she refused to let them fall.  “Why can’t you just drop it?” she questioned in a tired voice.

“Because,” he replied back, “I love you to damn much not too.”

Miss Parker closed her eyes, trying her best to keep her tears at bay.  However, her attempts were becoming fruitless, as a few tears trickled down her cheeks.  “I always told myself I would never be one of those pathetic women that get all emotional over things like this, now look at me,” she joked, letting out a wry chuckle.

A faint smile graced Jarod’s lips as he pulled her into his arms.  “Well, what can I say, I’ve always had that effect on women,” he replied light heartily, running a soothing hand up and down her back.  Becoming more serious he continued.  “I hate seeing you cry, and that wasn’t my intention, but I just feel that there is this invisible wall that you’ve put up between us, and every time I try to get close or help you, you always push away, yet your eyes tell a completely different story.”

Wrapping her arms around his waist, she closed her eyes and mumbled out, “And what do my eyes say?”

“You’re trying to reach out, but you don’t know how,” he responded back.

“Jarod, you wouldn’t understand,” she replied sadly.

“Then make me understand.”

Taking a deep, shuddering breath she began.  “Jarod, the only thing I’ve learned from love is that nothing positive comes from it.”  Sensing Jarod was about to protest, she continued on, “I know you disagree with my assessment, but it’s a cold, hard fact that I lived with for most of my life.  Lies, betrayal, deception, and even death coincide with my view of love.  I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I don’t know how else to explain it.”

Resting his chin on top of her head he suggested softly, “Well, maybe its time I change your perception of love.”

Miss Parker looked up at him, giving him a quizzical look.  “What are you talking about?’ she asked warily.

“This…”  Reaching behind her, he grabbed a picture frame and handed it to her.  Staring intently at the photo, Miss Parker walked away from him and toward the bed.  Sitting down beside her he continued. “As you can see, these are definitely our three greatest achievements.  Are love made them what they are today.  Sure, they can be a bit temperamental from time to time, but what can you expect when they’re our children,” he joked.

Reaching out, he grabbed the picture from her and placed it on the nightstand nearby.  “I know your father has caused a lot of emotional damage to you over the years, but don’t let him win.”  Seeing tears coming down her cheeks, Jarod pushed on, taking hold of her hand.  “You deserve love and happiness just like the rest of us,” he said sincerely, wiping the tears from her eyes.  “Don’t deny what’s in your heart.  Listen to what it has to say.  In the end, it will always lead you home.”

Silence filled the air as Parker contemplated Jarod’s words.  She knew what Jarod was doing.  He was basically putting the ball in her court, letting her have control of the situation.  Gazing up at his face, she could see the vulnerability that lay within his warm, brown eyes, hoping for the outcome he desperately wanted, which she knew was her.

Taking a deep breath, and mustering all the courage within her, she finally let her heart lead the way.  Heart beating wildly in her chest, she leaned forward, and pressed her lips to Jarod’s.

At first, the kiss was somewhat awkward for Jarod wasn’t expecting it, but soon the awkwardness vanished as Jarod reciprocated, kissing her back.  Lowering her on the bed, Jarod braced himself above her with one hand, while the other rested on her hip as he continued to devour her mouth.  When Parker ran her hand through his hair, he moaned in pleasure.

Wanting to taste more of her, his mouth soon left hers and traveled along her jawbone and neck, nipping playfully at her throat.  He smiled to himself when she let out a satisfied groan.  Feeling her hands grasp his face, she brought him up once more to her lips and kissed him passionately, before flipping them over.

With her on top, she was in command, which she liked.  Licking her lips seductively, Parker flashed him a wicked smile before she once again continued her assault on his delectable mouth. 

Jarod eagerly opened his mouth to her probing tongue, relishing the feel of her against him.  When she kissed the area behind his ear, he laughed which made her smile knowing she caused that reaction in him.  Sitting back up, she looked down at him where an ever present smile graced his features.  Smirking at him, she commented, “You know, you look like an idiot.”

Smile never wavering, he leaned up on his elbows and replied back, “True, I may be an idiot, but I’m a happy idiot.”  Before she had a chance to react, he wrapped his arms around her waist and flipped them back over once again.

“You’re incorrigible, you know that?” she laughed.

“Well, its one of the many things you love about me.”  When he was about to kiss her once again, he stopped mid way, noticing the serious expression on her face.  “What is it?”

You’ve never been a coward before Parker, so why be one now.  Tell him what’s been in your heart all this time, the thought kept running through her mind.  “I…it’s just…”  Damn it, why couldn’t she say it? 

Face softening; Jarod kissed her tenderly on the forehead.  “I know Parker, I know.”

Staring up at the ceiling, she closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead.  “Why can’t I say it?  How hard is it to say ‘I love you’?  It’s so simplistic that a damn five year old can say it,” she rambled off to no one in particular.  “I’m so sick of…”

Grinning from ear to ear, Jarod pressed his finger to her mouth silencing her.  Pushing his finger away she growled out, “You think this is funny?”

Smile never faltering, he leaned down, placing his mouth near her ear.  “Parker, do you know what you just said?”  When she shook her head no, he continued.  “You just said ‘I love you’.”

“No I…”  Miss Parker stopped talking as realization came crashing down around her.  She did say those words.  Shocked at what she just said, she brought her hand up to her mouth, covering it.

Lightly grasping her hand and pulling it away he said, “Hey, don’t be shocked, it was bound to come out sooner or later.”

Wrapping her hand around the back of his neck, she pulled him down closer.  “Jarod, before I was rambling like a mad woman, and…”

Closing his eyes, Jarod vigorously shook his head from side to side.  “Parker, please don’t take it back,” he interrupted in a wounded voice.

“Jarod, open your eyes,” she ordered gently.  When he didn’t do it, Miss Parker said, “I need you to look into my eyes for what I’m about to say.”  Sighing heavily, Jarod finally opened his eyes.  Brushing the back of her hand against his face she said, “I’m not going to take back what I said, it’s just that before I was talking out loud, but now that I have your full attention I just want to say that I do, with all my heart…love you.”

Smiling, Jarod leaned down closer and whispered warmly.  “I love you, too.”  With that, he kissed her tenderly on the lips.  However, the kiss didn’t last long as they were interrupted with a knock at the door.

“Mom, are you in there?” came Brandon’s voice from behind the bedroom door.

Chuckling, Jarod laid his head in the crook of her neck.  “How is it that children seem to always have the knack of interrupting their parents during ‘fun time’?”  Reluctantly getting up from the bed, Jarod made his way to the door.  Opening the door, Jarod looked down at Brandon.  “What’s the matter?”

“Where’s Mom at?” he questioned worriedly, trying to look past Jarod.

Stepping aside, Jarod waved his hand towards the person in question.  Before Jarod could reply back, Brandon dashed across the room towards his mother with Buddy in tow.

Seeing Brandon’s urgency to get to her, Miss Parker instantly hopped off the bed.  No sooner had she landed on the ground that Brandon crashed into her, wrapping his arms around her waist.  Dumbfounded at his actions, she looked down at the small boy, watching as his shoulders shook from crying.  “Brandon what’s wrong?” she asked worriedly, kneeling down in front of him.

“I…I had the nightmare again,” he choked out through the tears. 

“What happened in the dream?” she asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.

Shaking his head from side to side he answered back, “Please, don’t make me talk about it.”  Hugging her once again he asked timidly, “Would it be alright if I stay with you and Dad tonight?”

Glancing up at Jarod, she could see the concern radiating from his body as he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously.  Clearing his throat, Jarod answered, “Yeah Brandon, it’ll be okay.”

As Brandon clamored up into bed, Miss Parker pulled Jarod to the side.  “Jarod, what do you think the dream could possibly be about?’

Folding his arms across his chest, he looked across the room towards Brandon.  “I don’t know.  All I know is that it involves you.”  Glancing back at her he suggested, “Maybe tomorrow morning before Sydney heads out, he could talk to Brandon privately and see what he can find out.”  With that said, both slowly ambled over to the bed.

Getting in on either side of Brandon, they laid down beside the child.  Twisting between them, Brandon wrapped an arm around Miss Parker and said, “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, Brandon,” she whispered back.

“I won’t let the bad men get near you again,” he yawned, closing his eyes.

Looking over Brandon’s head, Miss Parker and Jarod both shared concerned looks.  Glancing down at Brandon, Parker wondered who the bad men were that he was talking about.  Well, hopefully Sydney could figure everything out before he left, she mused.  Pulling Brandon closer to her, she placed a gentle kiss on top of his head, hoping to somehow ward off the nightmares that plagued his young mind.

To Be Continued…