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the lurker
She had tried to approach him several times over the past few days, but he remained aloof and unresponsive to her. When she finally caught up with him, he was standing in the doorway of the pretender cell, hands pushed deeply into the pockets of his jacket, eyes staring silently into the empty space. If he heard her as she approached, he made no indication of it. Her steps slowed to a halt about two feet from him, suddenly unsure of her own intentions. For a long moment, the corridor echoed with the silence of the unknown. In a place intimately familiar, Parker was unnerved by the sensation of being lost. The enormity of her own pain shocked her, and she knew not how to combat the onslaught of emotions rushing into her, anymore than she could fathom her own survival of it. She stared down into the floor as if it contained the answers to all of life's questions. But unfortunately, the marble continued to lie there, flat in its self-imposed desolation.
Nothing would ever be the same again. In one instant of poor judgment, her existence had been irreparably altered. There would be no more riddles, no more hunts, and no more calls in the middle of the night. The calls that had always annoyed her and added to her burden, that had chastised, rebuked and informed; the calls that she had grown dependent upon for the emotional void they filled. There would be no more. She could feel the sting of tears, and quickly looked up at the ceiling in the hopes of staving them off awhile longer. But they would not be denied. There was an empty space in her heart which gave rise to sharp emotions, and unfound fears.
She glanced at the man standing next to her: his head was leaning against the door frame, inconsolable tears of anguish spilling down his face. Parker understood that the emptiness he must be feeling could bring about ruination, destroying him in its wake. He had been through so much more in his life than she could even begin to imagine, and had suffered so much more loss than any human being should have to endure: and despite the tragedies he had born, he had still chosen to love. Her breath grew short wondering if this would finally be the loss that would rip the humanity from him. And she knew then why she had sought him out, even though her entire being had screamed for the escape that only solitude could provide.
"Syd." When he didn't respond, Parker stepped closer, lightly touching the sleeve of his jacket. "Sydney....."
His voice sounded hollow, "It's over, Parker."
The finality of it settled itself in the pit of her stomach. She swallowed hard to rid herself of the lump that had formed in her throat, as she slammed down the emotion that threatened to insert itself into her heart.
She fought to keep her tone neutral, "This part of our lives perhaps...."
His timbre carried a grief that was palpable. "There's nothing left."
Parker frowned slightly, "Don't say that, Sydney."
"It's the truth."
"No, it's not." He finally looked at her then, and she continued, "I know you're hurting, Syd, but--"
"--Don't you dare stand there and presume to know how I feel. You don't have the slightest idea, Miss Parker."
He didn't notice the deep hurt that flashed in the large grey eyes before they looked away. Her voice grew quiet, sounding almost tiny, "Based on personal experience, I think I do."
The pain he heard expressed in her tone struck him like a blow, and he turned toward her as if aware for the first time that she still needed him. Parker continued to look away, ashamed of the tears running down her cheeks, yet unable to control them. Sydney swallowed hard as his throat tightened in empathy. He had been so caught up in his own emotional torment, he had failed to consider how Jarod's demise would effect Miss Parker. And he was filled with guilt for having shut her out. Sydney put his hands on her shoulders and gently pulled her toward him, stepping up close behind her. Wordlessly he wrapped his arms around her, enveloping her with his warm strength. After a moment, Parker leaned into the embrace, once more grateful to have his comfort. He let his head rest lightly against hers, rocking her gently. Parker closed her eyes, the feeling of momentary safety dulling the ache in her soul.
He kissed her softly on the side of the head, his voice caressing her like velvet. "I'm sorry, Parker. I was too caught up in my own--"
He couldn't give voice to it. Not yet. As his words died away, he nuzzled into her neck, tightening his grip on her, afraid to give in completely to the anguish of his spirit. Parker turned in his arms, reaching around his back to draw him closer. For a long while they said nothing, but merely clung to each other in shared grief. Parker finally pulled away slightly, and looked up into his face, the empty sadness in the chestnut brown eyes piercing her at her core. He made no attempt to hide his heartbreak from her, and she was reminded then of what she had always known. Parker stroked his cheek softly with her hand, her own tears filling her eyes.
"I know I'm not Jarod, but I still....." She bit her lower lip for a moment, then continued, "This isn't over, Sydney."
His heart surged in anguish over the thought left unexpressed in the air; unexpressed, but nonetheless illuminating of its truth in her mind.
He took the hand stroking his face in his large one, holding it tightly. "Parker, forgive me. I never wanted you to feel somehow......less important than Jarod." She looked away, the accuracy of his words cutting her deeply. He gently guided her chin back toward him so that he could see her eyes. "You're not less important. Not to me."
Somewhere deep within, Miss Parker had always known it, but to hear it voiced removed the burden of doubt that she had carried with her for thirty years. And Parker cried, hard. Sydney once more drew her body close to his, holding her tighter than anyone else would have dared. Her sobs finally abated, and the doctor gently pushed her away slightly, looking into her wet eyes. He brushed back her hair with his hand, and smiled remotely at her.
"I'm going to take you home now, Miss Parker."
"What about you?"
He could read the worry in the dark grey eyes. "There's no cause for concern, Parker, I'll be fine."
But she was concerned. The desolation she could see in his eyes, and the depth of his unvoiced emotion for Jarod would take a toll on him that frightened her.
"Sydney...."
He held the side of her face with his hand, his head shaking slightly at her, "Someday you must learn to trust me."
Her eyes brightened slightly at his words. "Someday......does that mean you're sticking around for awhile, Freud?"
His mouth dissolved into a remote smile, "For as long as I am needed, Parker."
The true meaning behind his words did not escape her notice, and embarrassed, she looked down. Sydney gently brought her face back up to his with a finger under her chin, and softly brushed his lips against her cheek. Then, putting his arm around her shoulders, he moved them away from the emptiness of the pretender cell, heading toward the parking garage.
"Where are we going, Freud?"
He grinned at her persistent use of the worn-out nickname she had given him so many years ago. "I'm taking you home."
Sensing his need for her company, she tightened her arm around his waist. "Maybe we could stop somewhere for coffee on the way?"
Needing her comfort more than he could admit, Sydney's heart was relieved by her suggestion. But all he said was, "I'd like that, Miss Parker."
He watched them silently from his hidden vantage point, taking in their shared grief and newfound intimacy. A slight smile played across his lips; perhaps he had been right all along....
The End
