This is aaaabsolutely gorgeous! What an awesome story, can't believe how wonderful you wrote all this. you drew the characters authentic and just so natural and beautiful. Thaaaank you so much!what a great thing you created. My new favorite!Reviewer: lipamo Signed [Report This]
Date: 10/04/16 03:28 pm
I'm going to give a positive note to this story, despite the fact that its defects surpassed its qualities. Story-wise it works - it has a few inconsistencies, but it works. What I felt to be the bigger problems here were character development and the writing itself.
The character development can be a tricky issue, because more often than not we are influenced by what read, not just by what we see. In other words, developments introduced in fanfiction stories, if we find them to be reasonable, tend to find their way into our minds and later on into our stories. I know this happens to most of us, because it has happen to me as well. There should be no shame in that. What should there be is a clear sense of who and how we want the characters to be. Creative liberties aside, I think they should be as faithful to the originals as possible. With the exception of a parody, every major change (sometimes even minor) change should be justified.
The main problem with the way you portrayed Jarod, Miss Parker and Sydney was their erratic display of emotions. They didn't act that way in the show. They didn't talk like that. Which doesn't mean that they shouldn't act that way in your story. It only means that you should have found a reason to make those actions more believable and not just a whim. We want them to be happy, probably to end up together, but we should want most of all is to write a story where what happens, happens for a reason, not just because.
In terms of writing, it's a matter of practice, mostly. I know that English isn't your native language (mine either), so just keep writing and you'll get better by the story.
Two more things, just to finalize. The first one is the individual addressing of almost review you receive at the beginning of the chapters. Not each chapter, of course, but most of them. FFN allows you to respond directly to your readers and, if that option isn't available, you can always thank everyone at the end.
The second thing is the length of the chapters. I like small chapters - these were smaller. Sometimes less is more, other times it isn't.
In general "To End The Evil" should be rewritten. Despite its failings, it is a nice story and has the potential to be a whole lot better.
Date: 21/09/13 02:39 am
Great storyline! An exciting ride indeed! Ethan and his mother's mind conversations were amusing. Can't wait to read the sequel!
Author's Response: :) thanks again for the review. it's nice to still be getting some reviews for those old stories of mine.
Date: 12/05/10 09:56 pm
Very well done. I'm also truly impressed by the length of your story, which allowed you to truly explore the characters, and tell a well rounded story.
There seems to be a small number of fics of this quality in this fandom, and I am so gald I was able to find yours. If the favorite stories area of this site actually worked, you would be listed with in mine.
Author's Response: *blushes* wow. thank you for those words. I'm glad you like it that much. if the favorites page doesn't work, do use the 'contact' button. I'm sure our lovely mod Jacci will take care of it if she can :)
Date: 18/01/10 02:36 am
I love this story! You are an excellent writer!!!
Author's Response: *bows* thank you! Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 26/05/09 02:27 pm
A terrific story. I don't know how I missed it. I'll look to see if I can find the sequel.
Author's Response: thank you. The sequel is housed on MissingPieces as well. Enjoy Reviewer: nightowl Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 11/05/08 05:03 am
I love your story it was fantasticaly written great work.Your website is marvelous as well.
Author's Response: Thank you. Glad to hear you like it
Date: 12/07/06 08:18 pm
I not understand that your story havenīt any rewies. It is really good. So simple and slowly. But Parker was very soft and so un-parker but I really like it.
Author's Response: yeah, I agree. she got a bit weak, but hey, sometimes they get away from you. Glad you still liked it :)
Date: 23/06/06 01:28 pm