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Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Truth confronts us, and we can no longer understand anything.
~Paul Valery
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“But I don’t wanna go to bed now!” Catie said pouting and folding her arms over her chest trying to look fierce, but not succeeding. It probably had to do with the fact that she was four and dressed in a Winnie-The-Pooh nightgown.
“Catherine Elaine, you have stayed up two full hours past your bedtime. Even Debbie went to bed a half hour ago. Now march into that room!” Miss Parker told her stubborn daughter sternly, placing her hands on her hips.
Jarod laughed as he watched the standoff between his lover and their daughter. They both stood legs braced apart and arms akimbo. Each wore a scowl saying that neither one was ready to give in. Jarod decided to intervene before things got ugly. He jumped up, swept Catie into his arms and held her upside down over his shoulder.
Catie squealed at the unexpected change in positions, frantically squirming to be upright. She lifted her head to see her mother standing in front of her, a slight smile on her lips.
“Give up?” Miss Parker asked tilting her head.
“No!” Catie said curious what would happen if she disagreed.
“Okay, let ‘er rip, Jarod!” Miss Parker said crossing her arms in front of her chest. Catie looked at her mother suspiciously and then began to laugh hysterically as her father began to tickle the hell out of her.
“Ahhhh!” the little girl screeched writhing in laughter. “No fair. It’s two against one!”
“It’s called parenting!” Miss Parker said smiling in earnest now. After a few more seconds, Catie knew she was beaten.
“Okay!” she yelled out in a breathless gasp. “I give up! I’ll go to bed!”
Jarod placed her down and Catie sunk to the floor in a heap. She lay on the living room rug panting and letting the giggles subside. Finally she sat up and looked over at Sydney who had stood by and watched the comedic scene.
“Can Uncle Sydney tuck me in?” Catie asked, suddenly remembering her plan.
Miss Parker shrugged and looked at Jarod who also shrugged. Miss Parker nodded at Catie and the child got up. She gave each of her parents a hug and kiss good night, then lifted her arms expectantly towards Sydney. He walked over and hefted the little girl into his arms and Catie promptly laid her head down on his shoulder, placing her thumb in her mouth. He walked her into her bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. Sydney waited patiently as Catie scrambled to say her prayers then slid back under the covers.
Back in the living room Miss Parker looked over at Jarod. “You know Sydney is a total pushover when it comes to your stubborn daughter.”
Jarod looked at her in mock hurt.
“Oh, so when she is stubborn she becomes my daughter?” Jarod asked nodding his head slowly. “I see how it is.”
Miss Parker just grinned at him.
“You idiot.” she said laughing. Then her eyes took on a mischievous gleam and she looked over at Jarod.
“What do you say we listen in on Sydney’s bedtime stories? I want to make sure he isn’t explaining Freud’s theories to her.” Miss Parker told Jared, smiling.
“Nah,” Jarod deadpanned. “She already knows those.”
Miss Parker gave him a look that showed him what she thought of that comment and grabbed his shirt, pulling him to just outside their daughter’s bedroom door. They leaned on the opposite sides of the door and listened. Knowing that her mother wouldn’t be able to resist listening in, Catie spoke loudly to Sydney. And just like she had planned, her voice drifted out to reach their ears.
“So are we gonna tell Mama tomorrow?”
Miss Parker raised her eyebrow at Jarod and Jarod shrugged, signaling he had no clue either.
“Catherine, we have been through this. I will tell your mother when the time is right.” Sydney replied.
“But you don’t wanna. You’re scared she won’t love you anymore, but my mama has to know.” Catie said her voice losing all childlike qualities and sounding like a mature adult.
“Catie, enough.” Sydney said sounding weary as if he had just fought a great battle.
“No, it’s not enough. I hate having to hide this secret from Mama and I know you do too. Please, why can’t we just tell her? Please, Pop-Pop?” Catie’s voice pleaded.
“Catie, you know better than to call me that when your parents are around.” Sydney said sternly.
“They're in the other room. Anyway, that’s what I am supposed to call you. You my mama’s daddy so that makes you my Pop-Pop!” Catie said happily.
“Yes, I know it does.” Sydney said chuckling quietly.
At the last statement Miss Parker felt all the air rush from her lungs and she looked shell-shocked at Jarod. His eyes had also widened and he stood straight up, not believing what they had just heard. Miss Parker stumbled away from the doorframe back into the living room and reached out her arm to try to find something stable to support her. She found it in the form of the back of the couch and clung to it, her knuckles white from the strain of trying to hold herself up. Jarod had followed her in cautiously, knowing from personal experience that she could blow any second. He watched her take shaky deep breaths and when she seemed to be calmer he started towards her. It was at that moment Sydney chose to walk back into the living room. Miss Parker stood straight and stared at him, betrayal in her eyes.
“Sydney...how...?” she asked her voice ragged and disbelieving. Sydney stopped short and quickly realized what was going on. His face flashed guilt at the expression of pain Miss Parker wore. He wiped his face with his hand and looked at her, devoid of excuses. Miss Parker felt anger rise quickly and moved a step towards him.
“How could you not tell me? How long have you known, Syd? How long? Dammit, tell me! You owe me that much. How long have you fucking known, Sydney?” she screamed at him ignoring Jarod’s attempts to quiet her.
She moved again, only this time Jarod could see her fists curled at her side and her eyes flashing anger and hurt. Jarod stepped in front of her, caught her and held her back before she could do Sydney bodily harm. She fought against him, screaming at Sydney. The man took every word in stride and flinched occasionally at some of the words she hurled at him. Suddenly before Miss Parker could say anything more, a small body hurled itself between Sydney, Miss Parker, and Jarod.
“Stop it!” Catie screamed, surprising everyone. She glared at her mother saying, “Stop yelling at him!”
“Catherine,” Miss Parker said shaking her head, “this is a grown up matter. It doesn’t concern you.”
“Yes it does! I knew who he was, but I didn’t say anything either. That makes it just as much my fault as his. So be as mad as you want, but just stop yelling at him!” Catie said angrily. “I won’t let you yell at him!”
“Catherine, go back to bed.” Miss Parker said sternly her voice shaking with anger towards Sydney.
“No!” Catie said defiantly, crossing her small arms to prove her point.
“Catherine, do as your mother says.” Sydney said.
“I don’t need your help.” Miss Parker said raising her chin in defiance that matched her daughter’s inch for inch. She couldn’t think past the betrayal and hurt that she felt and spoke the first thought that came into her head. “I want you to get out of here. Right now! Don’t ever come near me or my child again.”
Sydney nodded at this, but Catie began to cry softly. Sydney knelt down to her level and smoothed his hand over her dark hair.
“No, Pop-Pop, no!” Catie said tears streaming down her face, shaking her head no to accent her words. “Please don’t go. Please, Pop-Pop.”
She was shaking visibly and her little grip on his shoulders tightened. “I want you to stay.”
“Thank you, Catherine, but your mother is right. I should have told her a very long time ago.” Sydney said to her quietly, gathering her up in a hug.
“But, Pop-Pop, it wasn’t your fault. They would’ve killed you.” Catie said her voice choked up by her tears that continued to make little rivers down her face.
Miss Parker and Jarod both stiffened, knowing that it was completely true, but hating the fact that their four-year-old daughter had to be the one to point that out. No child should know that type of thing about anyplace, especially a place like the Centre. Sydney looked up at them and sighed deeply.
Catie leaned back out of his embrace and placed her small hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “Tell them, Pop-Pop. They’ll understand.”
“Tell us, Syd.” Jarod said softly.
Sydney and Jarod looked at Miss Parker to see if she would agree. Miss Parker looked at Catie, whose face pleaded silently with her mother, and finally she nodded slowly.
Miss Parker and Jarod sat down on the living room couch and waited as Catie led Sydney to the armchair. As soon as he sat down she crawled into his lap and snuggled into his chest. Sydney looked down at the child sitting on his lap, feeling the support radiate from her and flow into him. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her in a small hug of gratitude.
“It was about a year after your mother had started her therapy sessions with me and she was becoming more and more depressed.” Sydney began his voice taking on a distant tone and eyes a faraway look as if he was watching it all again.
“Her husband and Dr. Raines had been talking about something called the Pretender Project and whatever it was, Catherine knew it was going to be horrible. Her husband began to ignore her and spend more time at the Centre. She was becoming more and more withdrawn and the only time I ever saw her smile was when she talked about her love of painting and the prospect of having children. She felt that she couldn’t talk to him about it so she came to me. We began to find that we had a lot of things in common and before long we were spending more and more time together.”
Sydney paused and looked down at Catie in his lap. She had dozed off and Jarod rose to lift her into his arms. Sydney kissed the top of child’s head and relinquished her to her father. Sydney and Miss Parker sat in an uncomfortable silence and waited until Jarod came back from putting Catie back to sleep. Syd waited for Jarod to get settled again on the sofa and then continued.
“Well it was around late March, maybe early April, when Mr. Parker and Raines went away for a week. It was a trip to ‘seek prospective candidates for the Pretender Project’ and Catherine was un-movable in her opposition to the whole thing. They had an argument the night before he left and he ended up hitting her. She called the next day, after he left, to say she wouldn’t be in for her normal session. I knew something was wrong almost immediately. I could sense it and I think she knew that I could, too, because she wasn’t surprised when I showed up at the house and demanded to know if she was okay.”
“When I saw the bruises he had given her...I lost it. I told her to leave him and come away with me. I knew I was in love with her by then and I believe now, she was in love with me also. But she refused. She said that there were to be more important things ahead for us in the future and she had no right to alter its course. I never asked her how she knew that nor did I ask her to change her mind. I knew she was right and not only that, but we would have never been able to hide for long. It was long ago, but it was still the Centre. But we did have that week. That one glorious week and for the entire time we never left each other’s side. Mr. Parker and Raines came back as planned and the after a few days, she went away on her regular vacation to Maine. She continued to have sessions with me, but we never spoke of it again. You were born the following January. Of course, I always suspected that Mr. Parker knew you weren’t his, but he never brought it up.”
“When you were born, I went up to the maternity ward and watched you for over an hour. Later I visited Catherine in her room when her husband had to go to a Triumvirate meeting and she was sitting in the bed holding you. She looked up at me and just smiled. ‘Come see your daughter, Sydney.’ she’d said softly. I walked over and she placed you in my arms. You looked at me and I swear you smiled. Then I began to cry because I knew I would never be able to acknowledge you as my own and Catherine was weeping silently because she knew it too. I gave you a kiss and handed you back to your mother. It was the last time I was ever allowed to hold you as your father.”
“We continued our sessions and we stayed close, but never became intimate again. It was about five and a half years later when she came to me in utter desperation. She said her husband had found the perfect pretender to start the program and I had no idea why, but the candidate seemed to upset her so much that she was physically ill. She never told me why she was so upset about the pretender, but I knew I had to help her in some way. I had an idea and begged her to get her husband to have me run the research program. I knew that if I took charge I might be able to control it and she might feel better. Catherine was a very smart woman and she knew what I was doing. Even though she agreed she said that there were some things even God couldn’t prevent and that the project’s ruin would be one of them. I was determined to prove her wrong. You came, Jarod, about three days later and were placed in my care, a request made by Mr. Parker, personally. Of course, Catherine was really behind it, but she and I were the only two that ever knew.”
Sydney looked up briefly at Miss Parker and tilted his head and said, “You asked me once, during a time of uncertainty for both of us, why I didn’t leave the Centre when things got bad?”
Miss Parker felt something stir deep inside of her as she remembered the few days that she and Sydney had been trapped together and forced to confront some of their deepest fears. She had indeed asked him that question and he had answered her, but apparently he hadn’t told the whole truth.
Sydney continued, “What you really meant to ask me was why didn’t I leave when your mother died, for that indeed was when things became bad for me and the Centre. Well, the day your mother died a part of me died as well, but I still had to watch over you and Jarod. It became the only joy I had when I saw you two together. I knew that you and Jarod had been friends and seeing each other even though the Centre had strictly forbidden it. But it was the only time I could see you and I distracted the Centre as many times as I could. But your father found out what I was doing and sent you away to boarding school so you wouldn’t distract Jarod from his work. But I always suspected it was to get at me for some reason. I guess, thinking about it now, he must know about your mother and I.”
“Anyway, after you left Jarod and I both went through a period of slight depression, but Jarod could express his when I had to keep it down inside. But I would get pictures and reports on you by stealing them from the computer mainframe from e-mail’s to Mr. Parker or in the old fashioned way of reading his mail. The next time I saw you was after Jarod escaped and the rest, as they say, is history.”
Sydney stopped and his expression cleared as though brought back to reality. Miss Parker had listened to this whole account with silent tears and Jarod in complete shock. Miss Parker watched Sydney’s facial expressions and felt a profound sense of loss at the years they had missed. She thought back to when her mother had just died and her father...well the man she had thought was her father...wouldn’t even talk about her. He didn’t even comfort her at the wake. In fact, she didn’t even remember seeing him there. It was Sydney who had held her hand and comforted her with his kind and soft words. It was he who had told her it was all right to cry and then hugged her to his side as she let the tears of pain flow. He had told her he would always be there for her and then he had kissed her head. She had felt such a calm sweep over her that she hadn’t felt since she was in the presence of her mother.
Miss Parker came back to the present and found both men staring at her, waiting for her reaction as if she were a time bomb. She cleared her throat and sat straight up, placing her hands in her lap calmly.
“I’m not sure what to say. I do feel betrayed, in a sense, but knowing the way the Centre works I agree with Catie. They would have killed you if only to get to me or Jarod.” she began her eyes clear and voice strong. “It will take time, but I think eventually it will be easier to accept. I will allow Catie to call you Pop-Pop, but it must not be revealed to anyone else at the Centre. Lyle and Brigitte would undoubtedly use it against us and I don’t even want to think about what the Triumvirate would do.”
Sydney nodded in agreement and Jarod did the same. The latter spoke up and stood. “I think it is time we all get some sleep, It has been...a long night, to say the least.”
Sydney and Miss Parker stood and just looked at each other for a long moment. Sydney broke the gaze first and moved to the front door. A few seconds later they heard the door shut and knew he was gone. Jarod stood and place his hand on Miss Parker’s elbow as though to hold her up. She looked at him her eyes bright with unshed tears.
“I don’t understand how you can stand all the lies and cover ups of your parentage?” She said quietly. “Jarod, what am I going to do? I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Jarod took her chin in his hand and shook his head. “Follow me.”
He led her down the small hallway and stopped in front of Catie’s bedroom and pushed open the door. The pale light from Catie’s night light mixed with the light of the moon and together they cast their glow on the small child sleeping in the bed. She was sprawled on her back with her dark hair spread around her like a raven colored aura. Her tiny lashes lay against her rosy cheeks and her cupid’s bow of a mouth was turned up in tiny smile. Her small hands were in loose fists and directly on either side of her head, the thumb on one hand still slightly wet from being inside Catie’s mouth. Catie looked so tiny in the huge full-sized bed. So small, in fact, that it seemed if she shifted she would disappear in the soft folds of the sheets and never be seen again.
Miss Parker swept her gaze over her child and felt the immense love hit her full force as it always did when she thought of this tiny creature that was hers.
“You know who you are.” Jarod whispered in her ear. “You’re her mother and nobody could ever take your place in her life. You need to ask yourself a question. Am I going to keep all the bitterness and hatred inside me for the rest of my life and pass the anger onto my child; or am I going to forgive and hopefully teach my daughter the right way to love?”
Miss Parker felt the tears catch in her throat as she realized that he was right. “I have to do the right thing, if only for Catie. And she loves him so much already, how can I do what they did to me and to you. How can I deny Catie her family?”
“You can’t, because that is who you are. That is who you were always meant to be.” Jarod told her hugging her to his chest.
She wrapped her arms over his and leaned back into his embrace, savoring the moment. Together they watched their future sleep peacefully in her bed and waited for the morning.
~Paul Valery
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“But I don’t wanna go to bed now!” Catie said pouting and folding her arms over her chest trying to look fierce, but not succeeding. It probably had to do with the fact that she was four and dressed in a Winnie-The-Pooh nightgown.
“Catherine Elaine, you have stayed up two full hours past your bedtime. Even Debbie went to bed a half hour ago. Now march into that room!” Miss Parker told her stubborn daughter sternly, placing her hands on her hips.
Jarod laughed as he watched the standoff between his lover and their daughter. They both stood legs braced apart and arms akimbo. Each wore a scowl saying that neither one was ready to give in. Jarod decided to intervene before things got ugly. He jumped up, swept Catie into his arms and held her upside down over his shoulder.
Catie squealed at the unexpected change in positions, frantically squirming to be upright. She lifted her head to see her mother standing in front of her, a slight smile on her lips.
“Give up?” Miss Parker asked tilting her head.
“No!” Catie said curious what would happen if she disagreed.
“Okay, let ‘er rip, Jarod!” Miss Parker said crossing her arms in front of her chest. Catie looked at her mother suspiciously and then began to laugh hysterically as her father began to tickle the hell out of her.
“Ahhhh!” the little girl screeched writhing in laughter. “No fair. It’s two against one!”
“It’s called parenting!” Miss Parker said smiling in earnest now. After a few more seconds, Catie knew she was beaten.
“Okay!” she yelled out in a breathless gasp. “I give up! I’ll go to bed!”
Jarod placed her down and Catie sunk to the floor in a heap. She lay on the living room rug panting and letting the giggles subside. Finally she sat up and looked over at Sydney who had stood by and watched the comedic scene.
“Can Uncle Sydney tuck me in?” Catie asked, suddenly remembering her plan.
Miss Parker shrugged and looked at Jarod who also shrugged. Miss Parker nodded at Catie and the child got up. She gave each of her parents a hug and kiss good night, then lifted her arms expectantly towards Sydney. He walked over and hefted the little girl into his arms and Catie promptly laid her head down on his shoulder, placing her thumb in her mouth. He walked her into her bedroom and laid her gently on the bed. Sydney waited patiently as Catie scrambled to say her prayers then slid back under the covers.
Back in the living room Miss Parker looked over at Jarod. “You know Sydney is a total pushover when it comes to your stubborn daughter.”
Jarod looked at her in mock hurt.
“Oh, so when she is stubborn she becomes my daughter?” Jarod asked nodding his head slowly. “I see how it is.”
Miss Parker just grinned at him.
“You idiot.” she said laughing. Then her eyes took on a mischievous gleam and she looked over at Jarod.
“What do you say we listen in on Sydney’s bedtime stories? I want to make sure he isn’t explaining Freud’s theories to her.” Miss Parker told Jared, smiling.
“Nah,” Jarod deadpanned. “She already knows those.”
Miss Parker gave him a look that showed him what she thought of that comment and grabbed his shirt, pulling him to just outside their daughter’s bedroom door. They leaned on the opposite sides of the door and listened. Knowing that her mother wouldn’t be able to resist listening in, Catie spoke loudly to Sydney. And just like she had planned, her voice drifted out to reach their ears.
“So are we gonna tell Mama tomorrow?”
Miss Parker raised her eyebrow at Jarod and Jarod shrugged, signaling he had no clue either.
“Catherine, we have been through this. I will tell your mother when the time is right.” Sydney replied.
“But you don’t wanna. You’re scared she won’t love you anymore, but my mama has to know.” Catie said her voice losing all childlike qualities and sounding like a mature adult.
“Catie, enough.” Sydney said sounding weary as if he had just fought a great battle.
“No, it’s not enough. I hate having to hide this secret from Mama and I know you do too. Please, why can’t we just tell her? Please, Pop-Pop?” Catie’s voice pleaded.
“Catie, you know better than to call me that when your parents are around.” Sydney said sternly.
“They're in the other room. Anyway, that’s what I am supposed to call you. You my mama’s daddy so that makes you my Pop-Pop!” Catie said happily.
“Yes, I know it does.” Sydney said chuckling quietly.
At the last statement Miss Parker felt all the air rush from her lungs and she looked shell-shocked at Jarod. His eyes had also widened and he stood straight up, not believing what they had just heard. Miss Parker stumbled away from the doorframe back into the living room and reached out her arm to try to find something stable to support her. She found it in the form of the back of the couch and clung to it, her knuckles white from the strain of trying to hold herself up. Jarod had followed her in cautiously, knowing from personal experience that she could blow any second. He watched her take shaky deep breaths and when she seemed to be calmer he started towards her. It was at that moment Sydney chose to walk back into the living room. Miss Parker stood straight and stared at him, betrayal in her eyes.
“Sydney...how...?” she asked her voice ragged and disbelieving. Sydney stopped short and quickly realized what was going on. His face flashed guilt at the expression of pain Miss Parker wore. He wiped his face with his hand and looked at her, devoid of excuses. Miss Parker felt anger rise quickly and moved a step towards him.
“How could you not tell me? How long have you known, Syd? How long? Dammit, tell me! You owe me that much. How long have you fucking known, Sydney?” she screamed at him ignoring Jarod’s attempts to quiet her.
She moved again, only this time Jarod could see her fists curled at her side and her eyes flashing anger and hurt. Jarod stepped in front of her, caught her and held her back before she could do Sydney bodily harm. She fought against him, screaming at Sydney. The man took every word in stride and flinched occasionally at some of the words she hurled at him. Suddenly before Miss Parker could say anything more, a small body hurled itself between Sydney, Miss Parker, and Jarod.
“Stop it!” Catie screamed, surprising everyone. She glared at her mother saying, “Stop yelling at him!”
“Catherine,” Miss Parker said shaking her head, “this is a grown up matter. It doesn’t concern you.”
“Yes it does! I knew who he was, but I didn’t say anything either. That makes it just as much my fault as his. So be as mad as you want, but just stop yelling at him!” Catie said angrily. “I won’t let you yell at him!”
“Catherine, go back to bed.” Miss Parker said sternly her voice shaking with anger towards Sydney.
“No!” Catie said defiantly, crossing her small arms to prove her point.
“Catherine, do as your mother says.” Sydney said.
“I don’t need your help.” Miss Parker said raising her chin in defiance that matched her daughter’s inch for inch. She couldn’t think past the betrayal and hurt that she felt and spoke the first thought that came into her head. “I want you to get out of here. Right now! Don’t ever come near me or my child again.”
Sydney nodded at this, but Catie began to cry softly. Sydney knelt down to her level and smoothed his hand over her dark hair.
“No, Pop-Pop, no!” Catie said tears streaming down her face, shaking her head no to accent her words. “Please don’t go. Please, Pop-Pop.”
She was shaking visibly and her little grip on his shoulders tightened. “I want you to stay.”
“Thank you, Catherine, but your mother is right. I should have told her a very long time ago.” Sydney said to her quietly, gathering her up in a hug.
“But, Pop-Pop, it wasn’t your fault. They would’ve killed you.” Catie said her voice choked up by her tears that continued to make little rivers down her face.
Miss Parker and Jarod both stiffened, knowing that it was completely true, but hating the fact that their four-year-old daughter had to be the one to point that out. No child should know that type of thing about anyplace, especially a place like the Centre. Sydney looked up at them and sighed deeply.
Catie leaned back out of his embrace and placed her small hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “Tell them, Pop-Pop. They’ll understand.”
“Tell us, Syd.” Jarod said softly.
Sydney and Jarod looked at Miss Parker to see if she would agree. Miss Parker looked at Catie, whose face pleaded silently with her mother, and finally she nodded slowly.
Miss Parker and Jarod sat down on the living room couch and waited as Catie led Sydney to the armchair. As soon as he sat down she crawled into his lap and snuggled into his chest. Sydney looked down at the child sitting on his lap, feeling the support radiate from her and flow into him. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her in a small hug of gratitude.
“It was about a year after your mother had started her therapy sessions with me and she was becoming more and more depressed.” Sydney began his voice taking on a distant tone and eyes a faraway look as if he was watching it all again.
“Her husband and Dr. Raines had been talking about something called the Pretender Project and whatever it was, Catherine knew it was going to be horrible. Her husband began to ignore her and spend more time at the Centre. She was becoming more and more withdrawn and the only time I ever saw her smile was when she talked about her love of painting and the prospect of having children. She felt that she couldn’t talk to him about it so she came to me. We began to find that we had a lot of things in common and before long we were spending more and more time together.”
Sydney paused and looked down at Catie in his lap. She had dozed off and Jarod rose to lift her into his arms. Sydney kissed the top of child’s head and relinquished her to her father. Sydney and Miss Parker sat in an uncomfortable silence and waited until Jarod came back from putting Catie back to sleep. Syd waited for Jarod to get settled again on the sofa and then continued.
“Well it was around late March, maybe early April, when Mr. Parker and Raines went away for a week. It was a trip to ‘seek prospective candidates for the Pretender Project’ and Catherine was un-movable in her opposition to the whole thing. They had an argument the night before he left and he ended up hitting her. She called the next day, after he left, to say she wouldn’t be in for her normal session. I knew something was wrong almost immediately. I could sense it and I think she knew that I could, too, because she wasn’t surprised when I showed up at the house and demanded to know if she was okay.”
“When I saw the bruises he had given her...I lost it. I told her to leave him and come away with me. I knew I was in love with her by then and I believe now, she was in love with me also. But she refused. She said that there were to be more important things ahead for us in the future and she had no right to alter its course. I never asked her how she knew that nor did I ask her to change her mind. I knew she was right and not only that, but we would have never been able to hide for long. It was long ago, but it was still the Centre. But we did have that week. That one glorious week and for the entire time we never left each other’s side. Mr. Parker and Raines came back as planned and the after a few days, she went away on her regular vacation to Maine. She continued to have sessions with me, but we never spoke of it again. You were born the following January. Of course, I always suspected that Mr. Parker knew you weren’t his, but he never brought it up.”
“When you were born, I went up to the maternity ward and watched you for over an hour. Later I visited Catherine in her room when her husband had to go to a Triumvirate meeting and she was sitting in the bed holding you. She looked up at me and just smiled. ‘Come see your daughter, Sydney.’ she’d said softly. I walked over and she placed you in my arms. You looked at me and I swear you smiled. Then I began to cry because I knew I would never be able to acknowledge you as my own and Catherine was weeping silently because she knew it too. I gave you a kiss and handed you back to your mother. It was the last time I was ever allowed to hold you as your father.”
“We continued our sessions and we stayed close, but never became intimate again. It was about five and a half years later when she came to me in utter desperation. She said her husband had found the perfect pretender to start the program and I had no idea why, but the candidate seemed to upset her so much that she was physically ill. She never told me why she was so upset about the pretender, but I knew I had to help her in some way. I had an idea and begged her to get her husband to have me run the research program. I knew that if I took charge I might be able to control it and she might feel better. Catherine was a very smart woman and she knew what I was doing. Even though she agreed she said that there were some things even God couldn’t prevent and that the project’s ruin would be one of them. I was determined to prove her wrong. You came, Jarod, about three days later and were placed in my care, a request made by Mr. Parker, personally. Of course, Catherine was really behind it, but she and I were the only two that ever knew.”
Sydney looked up briefly at Miss Parker and tilted his head and said, “You asked me once, during a time of uncertainty for both of us, why I didn’t leave the Centre when things got bad?”
Miss Parker felt something stir deep inside of her as she remembered the few days that she and Sydney had been trapped together and forced to confront some of their deepest fears. She had indeed asked him that question and he had answered her, but apparently he hadn’t told the whole truth.
Sydney continued, “What you really meant to ask me was why didn’t I leave when your mother died, for that indeed was when things became bad for me and the Centre. Well, the day your mother died a part of me died as well, but I still had to watch over you and Jarod. It became the only joy I had when I saw you two together. I knew that you and Jarod had been friends and seeing each other even though the Centre had strictly forbidden it. But it was the only time I could see you and I distracted the Centre as many times as I could. But your father found out what I was doing and sent you away to boarding school so you wouldn’t distract Jarod from his work. But I always suspected it was to get at me for some reason. I guess, thinking about it now, he must know about your mother and I.”
“Anyway, after you left Jarod and I both went through a period of slight depression, but Jarod could express his when I had to keep it down inside. But I would get pictures and reports on you by stealing them from the computer mainframe from e-mail’s to Mr. Parker or in the old fashioned way of reading his mail. The next time I saw you was after Jarod escaped and the rest, as they say, is history.”
Sydney stopped and his expression cleared as though brought back to reality. Miss Parker had listened to this whole account with silent tears and Jarod in complete shock. Miss Parker watched Sydney’s facial expressions and felt a profound sense of loss at the years they had missed. She thought back to when her mother had just died and her father...well the man she had thought was her father...wouldn’t even talk about her. He didn’t even comfort her at the wake. In fact, she didn’t even remember seeing him there. It was Sydney who had held her hand and comforted her with his kind and soft words. It was he who had told her it was all right to cry and then hugged her to his side as she let the tears of pain flow. He had told her he would always be there for her and then he had kissed her head. She had felt such a calm sweep over her that she hadn’t felt since she was in the presence of her mother.
Miss Parker came back to the present and found both men staring at her, waiting for her reaction as if she were a time bomb. She cleared her throat and sat straight up, placing her hands in her lap calmly.
“I’m not sure what to say. I do feel betrayed, in a sense, but knowing the way the Centre works I agree with Catie. They would have killed you if only to get to me or Jarod.” she began her eyes clear and voice strong. “It will take time, but I think eventually it will be easier to accept. I will allow Catie to call you Pop-Pop, but it must not be revealed to anyone else at the Centre. Lyle and Brigitte would undoubtedly use it against us and I don’t even want to think about what the Triumvirate would do.”
Sydney nodded in agreement and Jarod did the same. The latter spoke up and stood. “I think it is time we all get some sleep, It has been...a long night, to say the least.”
Sydney and Miss Parker stood and just looked at each other for a long moment. Sydney broke the gaze first and moved to the front door. A few seconds later they heard the door shut and knew he was gone. Jarod stood and place his hand on Miss Parker’s elbow as though to hold her up. She looked at him her eyes bright with unshed tears.
“I don’t understand how you can stand all the lies and cover ups of your parentage?” She said quietly. “Jarod, what am I going to do? I don’t know who I am anymore.”
Jarod took her chin in his hand and shook his head. “Follow me.”
He led her down the small hallway and stopped in front of Catie’s bedroom and pushed open the door. The pale light from Catie’s night light mixed with the light of the moon and together they cast their glow on the small child sleeping in the bed. She was sprawled on her back with her dark hair spread around her like a raven colored aura. Her tiny lashes lay against her rosy cheeks and her cupid’s bow of a mouth was turned up in tiny smile. Her small hands were in loose fists and directly on either side of her head, the thumb on one hand still slightly wet from being inside Catie’s mouth. Catie looked so tiny in the huge full-sized bed. So small, in fact, that it seemed if she shifted she would disappear in the soft folds of the sheets and never be seen again.
Miss Parker swept her gaze over her child and felt the immense love hit her full force as it always did when she thought of this tiny creature that was hers.
“You know who you are.” Jarod whispered in her ear. “You’re her mother and nobody could ever take your place in her life. You need to ask yourself a question. Am I going to keep all the bitterness and hatred inside me for the rest of my life and pass the anger onto my child; or am I going to forgive and hopefully teach my daughter the right way to love?”
Miss Parker felt the tears catch in her throat as she realized that he was right. “I have to do the right thing, if only for Catie. And she loves him so much already, how can I do what they did to me and to you. How can I deny Catie her family?”
“You can’t, because that is who you are. That is who you were always meant to be.” Jarod told her hugging her to his chest.
She wrapped her arms over his and leaned back into his embrace, savoring the moment. Together they watched their future sleep peacefully in her bed and waited for the morning.
