Disclaimer: Don't own them, not sure who does but my money's on TNT.

AN: These are the poems I wrote a few years back, when the only thing I could think about was the Pretender. Most of them I never published 'cause I was to lazy. So I decided to put them all in one place and save myself the effort. Big thanks to Catherine who encouraged me to write all of this stuff. Also bare in mind that English is not my first language.

SHADOWS OF LOVE

Maybe we are cursed to suffer more then others,

We live in our own hell, scarier then any other hell,

We fight our own demons every day and night

We drink, 'cause drink gives us exit from reality,

We hurt others, 'cause we are afraid of being hurt,

But we don't cry, 'cause we have to be strong.

They teach me to hate, to live by their rules,

To listen to their lies and believe them to be truth

To harm the innocent and find justification for it

To think of you as the only reason for my suffering

As my nemesis worse then any other I've ever had

As the one I have to destroy to get my life back.

But I can't.

Even though I'll admit it to anyone,

You mean to me more than anything on this world.

Our lives are made from the same materials,

Our hearts beat in the same wild rhythm

And our eyes see the same things around us.

We are two parts that make one whole.

My hope grows not for believing in the nicer future

But because I know you'll be there tomorrow

When my life becomes unbearably painful

And my soul brings down the walls around it,

When my heart seeks for comfort and safety

Then I will know where to look for for it.

You loved me when no one knew what love is

You cared when all the others left me in the dark

You stayed with me when there was no one else

You gave my the reason to live when I was ready to die

And now, I'm still breathing, because you are here, my love.

My life.

TO THOMAS

Please, tell me it's all a dream

This nightmare I am living in

And when I wake up with the Sun

You'll be lying beside me.

All the tears in my eyes

Will disappear with your smile

I will laugh and just forget

The pain that breaks my heart.

You will take me by the hand

And pull me in your warm embrace,

We will dance through eternity

By the swing, beneath the tree.

And the ocean in your eyes

Will wash away all the sin

Leaving the trace of pure love

Across the coldness of my lips.

All the blood has turned in wind

That is playing with your hair

You're standing there with a smile

And after so long, again, I feel safe.

You're the angel sent to save me

From the dark side of the Hell

To show me the light of the day

And the strength that love can have.

It's so easy believing this to be truth

Like a fairy tale I heard in my youth,

Like a peaceful heaven on the Earth,

Like the baby's cry, or its birth.

So, hold me closely to your heart

Teach me how to live and love,

Teach me how to give and share,

And just maybe the day will come

When I will forget my nightmare.

TO MY SON, WHEN WE MEET AGAIN

An eternity has passed since I held you,

Every day longer than the one before,

With each breath the fragment of my hope

Would vanish from my wounded soul.

I stopped counting the days and years

Since they destroyed all I believed in.

I let the hate consume my heart,

Perhaps that was my biggest sin.

I didn't know where you were,

Or what you ate, or where you slept,

And I'm praying every day

You never feel anything like that.

I often dreamed of Kyle and you

I saw smiles on the faces I didn't recognized.

Faces I thought you'd have once I see you again,

It was a ray of light through the pain and lies.

I saw two hansom men and a beautiful woman

That used to be the babies I cradled in my arms

And they were happy, laughing, talking,

Lighting the night like the golden stars.

In that dream I would stand on the porch

Of a small cabin we would call home.

And a man would be there. Gray-haired man,

The same one who stole my heart so long ago.

And every time I would loose myself

In that beautiful family picture I see

But at the moment I feel happiness again

They would appear and take you away from me.

So I don't sleep any more

I don't want them in my dreams,

But still every time I close my eyes

All I hear are cries and screams.

I don't know if I'll ever see you again

Or if you'll ever forgive me for loosing you,

All I know is that whatever happens

I'll never give up searching or stop loving you.

VALENTINE THROUGH LIFE

I know love is dangerous

And you just want to survive

But it's the end of the line

So I'm asking you again

Will you be my valentine?

You know that I love you

And you'll always be the one

But I need some kind of sign

So hurry up and decide

If you'll be my valentine.

It's dark all around

All my life with no light

But the sun will again shine

When you finally say

You will be my valentine.

It is hard imagining

All the things we have to do

All the papers we must sign

But nothing matters with the fact

You became my valentine.

We'll grow old, you know

The years will pass us by

But even when we're eighty-nine

I'll still have just one wish

That you stay my valentine.

DIFFERENT LIVES, THE SAME PAIN

There is life only for the strong ones

Hopes and dreams are left on the entrance

Each of the 27 sub-levels holds some special secret.

Corridors with eyes that watch everything

Elevators that hold someone's last journey

Trust only in your own preservation instincts

Remember, no questions, just follow the orders

Every day you should consider a God's gift.

Just as I think I finally have everything

A memory of that kiss comes to my mind

Reminding me of what I want the most,

Opening that never-heeling wound in my heart,

Destroying the peace of mind I thought I found.

Millions of stars in the sky and not one is mine.

Is there no light that could shine in my life?

Something to put the signs on the road I should take

Sending me somewhere out of this endless night.

Praying every minute for the strength to face another day.

And for what? Another twenty-four hours of pure torture?

Really not worth taking the next breath. But I still do it.

Keep fighting without some goal or expectation. Because

Even if there's nothing in me but the pain and sorrow,

Ruins will only remain after I decide to give up.

Seeing the people you fought so hard to save, now suffering

You're starting to wonder what went wrong and when.

Dealing with your own responsibility in this raging war,

Never thinking of the consequences your actions would have,

Easily believing in the immature thought that it's all for the best,

You come to the point where you can't stand the man in the mirror.

Letting the power lead you straight to the mouth of hell

You forget everything connected to the outside world.

Learning to survive, you make your own merciless laws

Ending up believing it's all worth the soul you lost.

Bad choice led me to the point of no return.

Realization of where I was came to me to late.

Once you get in this game you can never get out.

Only wish I have is that you never get involved in this madness

That even I don't want to know for saving what's left of my soul.

So forgive me Debbie, if I didn't give you the life you deserve.

Angel with broken wings. Broken angel.

Now no one knows where he is.

Gone. Timmy's gone. Never come back.

Everywhere hurt and pain, no happiness.

Lies. Everyone lies. Sydney knows all

Old secrets, new pain. But Sydney knows.

Could I ever say anything to justify my actions?

Anything that could explain what I did, and why.

The truth is what you searched for all this years

Hiding the pain that had started with my lie.

Ethan was why I left you there, but don't blame him.

Running away was the decision I made, so blame me.

I tried to save you all somehow. But I failed.

Now I can only hope you'll find your own way

Exiting together the darkness I put you both in.