Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

A/N: Just to say thanks for all the support and emails I received regarding my mom. My sincerest thanks. And to imagine: sorry. My muse couldn’t help itself. ;-)

The truth about what makes you sad

Miss Parker’s House – 1st house call

Her ringing phone finally registered and she rolled over to grab at her phone. “What?”

Jarod grinned, and replied innocently, “Oh! I intentionally wake you in your deepest sleep phase and all I get is a lifeless ‘what’?”

Miss Parker sighs and rolls onto her back. “You want wit, read Noel Coward….What time is it where you are?”

Jarod continued his strokes on the canvas and answered, “Cute. Not funny. But cute.”

“You’re making house calls now. I’m honored.”

“Well, I was feeling a little guilty about my virtual phone game.”

“You know, I really should tape this to replay at the Christmas party. You’ll be there, you know, rest assured.” She almost breathed a sigh of relieve when finally managed to locate a cigarette on the side table while listening to Jarod whine that he wasn’t getting much sleep these days.

“Breaking my heart,” she paused briefly to give her a chance to light a cigarette, “So, Jarod…why the Y.M.C.A.?”

“I was watching retro night on VH1, and they were doing the ‘70s…which as you know I missed. There was this singing group that was extolling the virtues of staying at the ‘Y’. So here I am.”

Listening to Jarod while moving to her window seat, she replied mockingly “Cute. Not funny, but cute.”

“Did you know that they make fake dog poop?” Jarod asked her as he picked up the poop. “It’s amazing how it appears to be one thing” tapping the phone with it, he continued glibly, “…but it’s really something completely different.”

“And I should care because…”

“Well, this sort of thing could be a real moneymaker for the Centre. Besides, isn’t it the perfect metaphor for the way your father and the Centre distort the truth?”

Miss Parker frowned. Having no choice, she asked the obvious question, “And what truth is that, Jarod?”

“It’s all in the note I sent you. The truth… about what makes you sad.”

John breathed in deeply, trying to ignore the cold steel of the stethoscope against his chest. Satisfied, Dr Walker removed it from her ears and stepped back. Indicating that he can put his shirt back on, she returned to her desk.

“You didn’t need to do that. I told you I feel fine.”

Dr Walker gave an indulgent smile while she made a brief note in John’s medical file. She heard the chair creak and knew from experience the frustrated look that would be on his face. Not looking up, she asked, “Are you sure you know what you are doing?”

She waited out the silence until the chair creaked again. “I don’t understand. What do you mean?”

She looked up, pinning John’s eyes with her own. “You’re not exactly an idiot, John. You know what I mean. It could jeopardize…”

“What? Come on. Say it,” he angrily interrupted, returning her stare darkly.

“She is very vulnerable at the moment. Not to mention the fact that you’re being around her continually remind her of Jarod.”

John at least had the gall to look guilty before he replied in a dead voice, “Jarod’s dead. Nothing will change that.”

She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “All I’m saying is that you have to be careful. I don’t have to continually remind you how lucky you were to survive. You have an opportunity to start over. My suggestion is use it.”

John didn’t reply as she knew he wouldn’t. Closing the folder, she slid it onto her desk. “Fine. Continue on this crusade of yours. I just pray that it won’t backfire.”

“This is Sydney.”

“Do you think second chances are given or earned?”

Sydney frowned. This was her second call in so many days. He could hear the fatigue in her voice and with it a tinge of warmth. The question reminded him of another conversation he had long ago with her mother.

“What happened, Miss Parker?”

Her sigh carried over the line and lingered for a moment in the air. Sydney shifted in his comfort chair, watching the flames splutter in his fire place. A moment later she answered softly, “I met someone.”

Sydney couldn’t help the smile. Miss Parker had no idea how much like her mother she really was.

“Tell me about him.”

A short silence followed and he had expected it. Calmly he waited, knowing that she needed to feel that she was in control of the conversation.

“I met him through Ben. When I saw him the first time, I thought that…,” she trailed of and Sydney kept quiet, waiting for her. He wanted to know what her initial reflection were but he knew better than to ask. “It doesn’t matter, Syd. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have phoned.”

“Miss Parker, wait.” When she didn’t end the call, Sydney breathed deeply. “Maybe it will help if all I do is listen.” A long silence followed his words and just before Sydney thought that he had lost her she said, “I miss him.”

Her words echoed in the void left inside him since Jarod’s death. His heart ached with familiarity and he had to constrain his emotions for a moment. Me too, he answered silently and instead asked, “How are do dealing with what had happened, Miss Parker?”

“I…don’t know. Look, I’m sorry I called. It was a mistake.”

Before Sydney could reply, she ended the connection. Restless, not liking the way the conversation had gone, she opened the front door and walked out. Not really caring one or the other, she randomly chose a direction and started to walk. I shouldn’t have called him. I can only imagine what’s going through his mind right now. But she had felt the overwhelming urge to talk to someone, anyone. Even while she had been berating herself for her lapse in self control, she had found herself dialling Sydney. Again. Lyle will have a field day with this if he ever found out. Dammit. Cursing loudly at her jumbled emotions, she finally stopped and looked around. It was quickly getting darker. She could see lights begin to blink on in the surrounding houses. She finally registered that she had not put anything warm on and she hugged herself, shivering. She was standing in a small leeway that led to another house tucked away amongst the trees. For a moment the sound of laughter danced on the icy wind that tucked at her blouse. Glancing at the warm glow from the top window, she could well imagine the love and happiness inside. So unlike what she had experienced growing up since her mother died.

She looked around, feeling the darkness drape itself around her, tucking at her soul. The silence was oppressing, eating away at her defences until all she had left was raw emotion. A single tear escaped, leaving a warm trial down her cheek that quickly turned icy from the wind. Wiping at the wetness, she stared blindly into the dark. For the first time in her life she came face to face with her worst fear when she finally realised the price she had paid by being daddy’s girl. Slowly she sank down onto her haunches, her hands clutching her stomach. She felt physically ill as understanding dawned and sank in.

She had no one who cared about her. She had no one to love. She was completely and utterly alone.

“Miss Parker, I was concerned,” Ben started to say, glancing at John. They seemed to notice her state of dress when she clutched her arms tightly and shivered.

“You went out like that?” Ben admonished gently as at the same time John grabbed a blanket thrown over the couch. His concern increased when he noticed that she barely registered Ben’s words. Slowly, so as not to startle her, he gently draped the blanket around her and then coaxed her to the couch. She shivered continually now. Ben took one look and headed for the kitchen. They needed to warm her up and quickly.

“Miss Parker?” John said softly, reaching out and touching her lightly on the cheek with the back of his hand. She was icy to his touch and flinched slightly. Hearing Ben busy warming some milk in the kitchen, John turned briefly from her to stoke the fire.

“…alone.”

Startled, he turned back. She was staring into the fire, her hands clutching the blanket around her. She shifted her eyes and met his. They were dark and glistening with unshed tears. He could see the effort she put in to hold them back. Slowly he rose and went over to her. Tenderly he pulled her into an embrace, holding tight.

“You’re not alone, Parker. I promise,” he murmured, his breathe stirring her hair. He could smell the fruity scent of her shampoo. He could feel the tension slowly give and she relaxed in his hold. Shifting, he leaned back and cradled her head against his chest, his other hand pulling her even closer. She drew her legs up and he draped the blanket to cover her feet. She lay against his chest not saying a word. Ben came in shortly afterwards and left a cup of coco on the side table and just as quietly left again, leaving them alone in front of the fire. It was some time later when he felt the regular motion of her body moving against his arm. He looked down and noticed the relaxed muscles in her face.

She was incredibly beautiful.

His arm was slowly going numb and she shifted slightly, settling into his body. Her hand had crept across his stomach and finally settled about midway. She frowned briefly before her face smoothed out again. Her breath was warm against his chest and he tried to calm his thudding heart so as not to wake her. She sighed, and softly whispered, “Jarod?” The corners of her lips curved slightly upwards. Eyes still closed, fast asleep, she murmured, “I missed you.”

He closed his eyes briefly and then said softly, “Shhh, its ok, Parker. I missed you too.” And in that timeless moment that stretched into eternity, he watched over her sleep.