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Disclaimer: See Chapter 1

This chapter is dedicated to the memory of my mom, who passed away on the 16th of September 2006.

The gift

Miss Parker’s House – 3 years ago

She immediately noticed the wrapped package on her table when she entered her house. Tiredly she tossed her keys on the table, wondering what Jarod had in store for her again. Her ringing phone interrupted her thoughts and she answered with a tired, “What?”

“They say it is better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all…Do you believe that is true?”

“If you’re lonely, call a 900 number.”

Jarod ignored her remark. “Did you read my book?”

She wasn’t about to reveal the truth to Jarod. Hoping she sounded convincing, she answered, “I skimmed through it…You paint a pretty sad picture.”

“I just…write the way I see it.” Jarod stated as he absent-mindedly played with a red rose. Miss Parker didn’t answer, and Jarod continued sadly, “How did we end up like this.”

“Like what?” She ignored the answers staring her in the face. It is easier not to see.

“Alone…Searching…It is ironic because we both want the same things…Someone to care about.” Jarod allowed his words to sink in, waiting for a moment before stating, “Someone to care about us.”

Miss Parker sighed, not wanting to go down this route with the person she is supposed to return to the Centre. Unperturbed, Jarod continued, hoping for some answer.

“Do you think we’ll ever find that kind of love in our lives?”

“What the hell do you want from me, Jarod?” She replied angrily, not willing to admit what Jarod had said was echoing her fears she had kept carefully hidden from those around her. It was Jarod‘s turn to sigh, but in frustration. Shaking his head while smiling sadly, he told her to open the box before hanging up, not waiting for an answer.

Miss Parker held on to the phone for a brief moment while Jarod’s words continued to haunt her heart. Bringing her emotions under control, she returned the phone to its cradle and eyed the box. She reached out, removing the top and placing it beside the bottom part. Opening the rest of the paper she was confronted by a candy heart.

Be my valentine

Holding it in her hands, she thought about their conversation. She was alone, just like Jarod. Not wanting to dwell on it anymore, she ate the candy.


Two months ago

 

“Hello…who is this?”

Miss Parker closed the connection abruptly. Letting the phone slip from her fingers onto the bed, she leaned back against the headboard. She was wearing one of Tommy’s favorite shirts and she pulled it tighter against her body, warding off the chill that had settled inside her.

What am I doing?

Shaking her head to ward of the images speeding through her mind, she stared at the phone. She had thought to phone the contact number that Dr Walker had given her. And every time she picked up the phone, she lost her nerve. She could still feel the ebb and flow of his muscles beneath her head when she had grieved. The strength of his arms, although long since gone, still lingered. She imagined that Jarod’s arms would have felt similar.

If only…

But regrets almost always came too late. And in her case, it had come with a finality that couldn’t be undone.

This is a mistake.

Her words from a few nights ago echoed again in her mind.

It’s just…

What if it is Jarod?

She leaned over, opening the drawer and taking out Jarod’s letter. Tracing her name, written in his handwriting, she closed her eyes. If she had to be honest, she knew the reason why she couldn’t make the call. She was afraid. The finality of knowing would either confirm her suspicions or end her hope that he could have survived. Even despite all the evidence that negated that hope.

And what happens if John turns out to be who he says he is, John Hutching. What then?

Do I want to walk this path again?

And if it is Jarod by some miracle, what will she do then.

Frustrated at her conflicting emotions, she rose and started pacing, still debating the ifs and whys. The phone continued to draw her gaze.

..have no idea how much I had wanted to complete that kiss…

Dammit. It would only be Jarod that could draw this confusion and doubt from her. And he managed to do it again with his last letter to her. Why couldn’t he send the box to Sydney and leave her in ignorance.Then she wouldn’t have to remember Ocee’s and their near kiss.

She was unaware that her pace has increased with each thought.

I wonder if I ever would complete it

The guilt ate at her when she remembered the phone call directly after she had gotten home from the island. Her words had been spoken with a false confidence, hoping that Jarod would get the message. And still he continued to hope for both of them.

We’re not little anymore, Jarod. Things change, people change.

Did she really believe that? She stopped her pacing, suddenly tired. She glanced at the clock on the side table. She was surprised when she took note of the time. 12:30. She smiled, remembering all the times that Jarod had called. Usually when she had a tiring day and needed to sleep. Since the day of the accident, she had woken around their usual time, waiting for the phone to ring. It had stayed silent and that more than anything else had ate her hope little by little until Sydney had confronted her in her office. It had been then that it had sunk in. Her phone would never ring again.

Slipping under her covers, she placed the phone next to her pillow. Taking Jarod’s letter, she folded it neatly, returning it to its former place. She took out one of the Pez dispensers. Snuggling underneath the covers, she clutched her last hold on Jarod’s past. Her breathing deepened and for the first time since Jarod’s accident she didn’t cry herself to sleep. Instead, her last thought settled on her mind and not for the first time since she had started the chase so long ago.

What do you want from me?


The next day

 

Miss Parker woke with a jolt, her heart pounding. Her eyes were drawn automatically to the source that had jarred her awake. Her hand closed around the phone while she glanced at the clock on the side table. She frowned when she took note of the time. Still in the process of coming fully awake, her first thought was that Jarod had never called her at 7:30 before. Her next thought ended her first, reminding her of his death.

She groaned, flipping the phone around and took a look at the caller id. Her finger moved towards the cancel button and she shut the screaming off.

She wasn’t in the mood to speak to Lyle.


Three hours later

 

“Just sign here,” the courier said, giving her the clipboard and a pen. Her interest peaked, she scribbled her signature. The courier took the clipboard and then gave her two packages wrapped in red. She barely thanked the guy, ignored his outstretched hand and closed the door in his face.

The smaller package had a note attached to it.

Open first

The handwriting looked familiar. She tried to place it but couldn’t. Placing the bigger box next to her on the couch, she opened the first. A small smile started to form when she uncovered the gift. She brought the white rose to her nose, inhaling its fragrance. The petals were soft and silky, perfectly formed without any flaws. A red bow had been tied around the stem, small and intricately bent.

Her attention returned to the box when she noticed a white candy heart nestling in the folds where the rose bud had lain. Placing the rose next to her, she reached out and picked up the candy. Written in red on white was the words - Be my date.

She was still debating the meaning of the three words when her phone interrupted her thoughts. She answered, knowing who it would be.

“What?”

“Is that your usual greeting or is it just a tactic you use with dates?”

Despite herself, she relaxed back into the couch. Her face softened and she smiled. Stroking the petals, she said huskily, “Where did you get the rose?”

John’s voice was full of light when he answered, “My secret.”

Miss Parker grinned, remembering her words used yesterday. She didn’t reiterate and the silence was comfortable.

“Did you open the second box yet?”

She eyed the bigger box. Clutching the phone between her ear and shoulder, she opened the box and took out a white thick sweater. Underneath was a faded blue pair of jeans.

“I hope they fit. I guessed your size.”

The sweater was soft and warm and she hugged it to her chest. “I’m sure that they will fit. Why?”

“It’s for our date. I’ll pick you up at one.”

She wanted to reply but got no chance. John had already hung up. Feeling flushed and tingling, she told herself that it had nothing to do with his call. It was the fire roaring away in the fireplace that was heating up the room.


Three hours later

 

The sun was trying hard but couldn’t compete against the cold wind that was flowing around them. Snuggled warm in her sweater, she enjoyed the walk. They were strolling across the pale yellow grass in the park, making for a very familiar stand.

“What would you like, Miss Parker?” John asked, turning to her when they had stopped by the stand.

“You’re not serious?” She eyed the logo and the man standing behind the counter. “This is the new outdoors eating place?”

John grinned. “I did say it would be a new experience. I promised adventure and fun. Eating a hot dog on a cold winter’s day is all of those.”

Miss Parker eyed the roll that was in the making. Her stomach was souring just thinking about what she was about to eat, her mind rebelling against anything made outside. Then she remembered Jarod’s delight at each new taste and she eyed the almost completed hot dog again.

“Fine, I’ll try it…but the next time, I decide where we go.”

John smiled, taking the rolls and giving one to her. “So you think there will be a next time.”

“The possibilities are endless, don’t you think,” she returned, happy when she noticed his surprised and pleased look.

“I don’t know. I think a man should decide these kind of things…like where to take his date,” he took a bite and his eyes closed with enjoyment.

“It depends on whether or not the man is living in the past,” she replied, deciding to take a smaller bite, so that if she gagged, she could throw it up in the serviette, hopefully without him noticing. The flavors hit mouth. It was warm, saucy, spicy and incredible. Calories had never tasted so good. She forgot about what she had said, she failed to listen to his response while she took another bigger bite.

She looked up, her mouth full when she finally noticed the silence. She wanted to smile but couldn’t.

“It’s good,” she mumbled around the food, feeling the mustard drop from the roll she held to plop onto the pavement. John’s eyes laughed, small crinkles forming around the corners. He nodded, taking another big bite, his mouth greasy around the lips.

They moved towards a bench, and sat in silence while the consumed the rest of the rolls. It was finally broken when John wiped his mouth and asked, “What is it that makes you so sad, Miss Parker?”

She wiped her mouth and then crumbled the napkin in her hand. She stared out at the park, not really noticing the other people that were walking down the pathways. Her mind was elsewhere, memories of her mother’s death running through her mind. She gave a small smile, hoping it would be enough.

John slowly reached out, wiping at the corner of her mouth. He didn’t say another word, pulling her to nestle under his arm. She enjoyed the warmth of his body and she closed her eyes, smelling his aftershave.

It reminded her of wood and open spaces and too much of Tommy. He held her close and she took strength from his grip. Not wanting to dwell on her memories anymore, she allowed the beating of his heart, to calm her fears.

They sat in silence till the cold finally drove them home.


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