Table of Contents [Report This]
Chapter or Story 
Chapter or Story
Legal disclaimer: The recognizable characters of the TV-show 'The Pretender' don't belong to me but to MTM, NBC Television, TNT and 20th Century Fox. I just borrowed them. Every other character does belong to me. This story was only written and published for my pleasure and that of other fans. I don't pursue any financial interests whatsoever. No copyright infringement is intended.
Kudos to Dianne - for bidding in the Pretender Story Auction and for volunteering to edit this translation!
Precious Moments
Part III
By Miss Bit
"Would you mind my company for a while, Miss Parker?"
It was almost noon when Sydney's quiet voice made her look up. She was sitting on the rim of one of the fountains that were scattered all over the Centre's foyer. The soft splashing sound of the water had come as a welcome diversion, at least for a while and every now and then, she would throw one of the small pebbles she held in her hand into the water.
"You left your office," she stated the obvious.
"You can hardly lock yourself up forever. Not in your office nor in the place that you have retreated to."
It was only now that she met his gaze. "How philosophical," she replied with a tiny smile. "Or should I say 'psychological'?"
She pointed at the low marble wall that surrounded the fountain. Sydney accepted her tacit invitation and sat down next to her.
"What happened to your sling?" he wanted to know.
Miss Parker smiled humorlessly. "I tried to choke Jarod with it," she said, almost wishing that it were true.
With her mind a thousand miles away, she dropped another pebble into the crystal blue water and pensively watched the tiny waves that quickly spread all over the pool. Another pebble followed the first one, creating its own waves. Complex patterns appeared on the smooth surface of the pool as the waves reinforced and extinguished each other.
'That's the way it's always been with Jarod,' Miss Parker mused. The consequences of his actions had always been present in her life, had even had an influence on it; some times more so than others, but always recognizable.
"What do you think is wrong with Jarod?" she asked Sydney after a few moments of silence had passed. "You know him quite well, after all."
"Just as you do. Maybe not even quite as well," he answered pensively.
Miss Parker exhaled with a sigh.
"I have no idea what's up with him. My best guess is that Raines has given him something other than a sedative. The way he's acting, I'd say Jarod has had his first experience with LSD."
Sydney's neutral expression turned into a considerably unhappier one. "Maybe you're right. God, if Raines is using Jarod for one of his experiments..."
"Calm down, Syd," Miss Parker said. "I sincerely doubt that Raines will harm him; not as long as he has some use for his best pretender anyway."
She fell silent after that and stared off into space. Why was Jarod acting so strangely? First, he'd done everything he could think of to hurt her and then at their next meeting, he'd acted quite contrarily. Miss Parker felt Sydney's gaze on her.
"Tell me what he wants from me," she asked him, "I just can't figure him out."
"Jarod is searching for human affection. It's as simple as that. I believe he misses your warmth."
Miss Parker laughed, unbelieving. "Yeah, right."
Sydney looked at her, nothing but sincerity in his eyes. "Just give it a moment's thought, Miss Parker," he pleaded with her. "The Centre separated him from his family, of which he has little to no recollection. He grew up here alone - without a family and only a handful of friends. The only person he ever knew to treat him with warmth and affection was... is you."
"If that's really what he wants," she replied pensively, "well, it's a little too late for that. We were children back then. What did I know about him and the Centre?"
'Enough,' her inner voice whispered as she thought about Sydney's words. She remembered the strange expression in Jarod's eyes shortly before he had kissed her. As if he were searching for something, something that was close by, yet at the same time unreachably far away. Could Sydney be right? The thought seemed highly unlikely and if it was true, then Jarod was wishing for something that could not be fulfilled. He missed the girl she had been so many years ago. The affection that girl had had for him was no longer present in the grown woman. Or was it?
"You've never talked to me about it, Miss Parker, and I can only begin to guess how you see your relationship with Jarod, but as far as Jarod is concerned... During the past three years, he's kept in touch with you and he's helped you to learn more about yourself and your past. Don't you think it's possible that there is a connection between the two of you, some sort of link?"
Miss Parker tilted her head to the side and looked at her reflection in the water. A few seconds later, she dipped her hand into the water, disturbing the still picture. She tensely watched the waves, all the while thinking about an answer to Sydney's question. Not too long ago, she used to think about the strange relationship between Jarod and her every once in a while, but ever since Tommy had been murdered, her mind had been preoccupied with other things. She smiled humorlessly. It had always been easier not to think about Jarod.
"Miss Parker?"
The tone of Sydney's voice made her turn back to him. He scrutinized her then gave her a warm smile. "Come on, I'll take you out to lunch. It'll do us both good to spend some time away from the Centre."
"Yes, why not?" she agreed, returning his smile just long enough for him to notice.
***
"... And that's why I don't believe that Raines will ever manage to make Jarod work for the Centre again. He's sure to..."
Miss Parker had really tried to follow Sydney's line of thought, but there were too many other things weighing on her mind, too many problems screaming for her attention. Why was everyone acting so differently all of a sudden? First, her father then Jarod and even Sydney didn't seem to be quite his usual self. Or was she herself the problem? Was she the one acting strangely? Maybe she was just perceiving things in a different way...
She heaved a sigh and poked listlessly at her meal. Sydney had taken her to one of Blue Cove's best restaurants, one she usually felt really comfortable in. Today she took no notice of either the tasteful interior or the elegant pieces of art that were exhibited all over the dining area. Her gaze kept drifting off into space while she tried to analyze her emotions or at least put names to some of them.
"Miss Parker?"
Startled, she looked up. It was only now that she realized that Sydney had already called her name twice.
"You haven't heard a word I said during the last five minutes, have you?" he asked, his voice containing no reproach, he sounded concerned instead.
"I'm sorry," Miss Parker answered, creasing her brow. She didn't like the fact that she simply couldn't concentrate on Sydney, not for the life of her. Usually she made the conscious decision not to listen to someone.
"I guess I just need a good night's sleep," she said with a slight shrug. Now it was Sydney's turn to frown.
"You probably won't want to hear it, but I'll give you some medical advice anyway. I can see how exhausted you are, Miss Parker. In fact, I noticed that some time ago - when Thomas Gates died."
"When he was murdered," she corrected him sharply. Sydney just cocked his head.
"However. I didn't say anything, to give you the opportunity to get over it on your own. After all, I know what you think about people meddling in your affairs, but now the time has come for me to offer you my help - or at least my advice - and for you to accept it."
Miss Parker looked hard at him. She knew he was worried about her. Besides, he was right. It had been hard for her to cope with everything all on her own.
"So, what's your advice?" she inquired gently.
Sydney returned her gaze, looking surprised and relieved all at once. "Vacation. You need a vacation. Leave the Centre behind you, at least for a while. That'll do you more good than you can probably imagine right now. Once you put some distance between yourself and your problems you'll see things a lot clearer."
Later on, she would wonder if it had been his words, his convinced tone or a combination of both that had won her over. The idea was rather appealing and she already knew exactly where she wanted to spend her vacation.
"You know, that doesn't sound bad at all. It's been a while since my last vacation and if my father will let me, I'll take a few days off."
"Make that a week or even better, two weeks," Sydney suggested enthusiastically.
Miss Parker lifted a brow, feeling amused. "Trying to get rid of me, Syd?" She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "No, let me guess: You're planning to help Jarod escape and you need me out of your way."
Sydney smiled faintly. "I don't think he would accept my help right now," he replied much too seriously. Miss Parker felt a pang of disapproval. That was another thing that made her angry with Jarod. Of all the people in Jarod's life, Sydney was the one who deserved Jarod's current behavior the least. Sydney had always tried to help Jarod.
Now it was Sydney who seemed a thousand miles away, but it was only a few seconds until he looked up at her again. He nodded towards her plate, which still held most of her lunch. "I noticed how little you eat these days," he said quietly. He gently covered her hand with his own. "You need to take better care of yourself, especially now with that injury or you will never feel any better."
"Exactly my thoughts," she replied, her voice only sounding half as glum as she felt.
***
Her office felt strangely empty when she returned there that afternoon. She had talked to her father and he had told her that he, too, had been worried about her and that he'd be glad to see her relax a little. His approval of her vacation had surprised her a little, but she ascribed his behavior to his guilty feelings.
She pushed her thoughts about her father away, a pensive smile playing about her lips, and directed her attention to her impending vacation instead. Miss Parker reached for her cell phone and dialed a number she was familiar with, even though she hardly ever used it. It was almost a minute until someone picked up.
"Hello?" gasped an elderly voice.
"Hello, Ben," she greeted him with considerable warmth in her voice.
"Miss Parker! It's good to hear your voice again. How are you?"
For a short moment, she felt tempted to tell him all about Tommy, Major Charles and her injury, but then decided against burdening him with her sorrows. Perhaps she could tell him everything in person.
"Just fine," she replied evasively. "How about you?"
"Oh, everything's all right over here," Ben replied in that quiet voice of his. When he paused for a moment, she tried to imagine his face and especially his warm eyes, which repaid her for the coldness in her own father's eyes. "Is there a particular reason why you're calling? Can I help you with something?"
Miss Parker smiled. It was easy for her to ask a favor of Ben.
"You can indeed. I'd... like to come to visit you for a few days, spend my vacation with you. That is if you don't mind."
Feeling a little anxious, she waited for his answer.
"If I don't mind? My dear Miss Parker, of course, I don't mind! You can stay as long as you want to," he said immediately and she knew that the quiet joy in his voice was genuine. A few seconds later though, the joy turned into disappointment. "Aw, I forgot - I'll be away on business for the next three or four days and it's impossible for me to postpone it. Maybe you could come here a little later? In a few days?"
She tried to fight her disappointment and failed.
"That's... okay," she lied, struggling to keep her voice even.
"No, it's not. As I said, I'd love to see you again. Listen, why don't you get here whenever you feel like it? I'll leave the spare key for you. Truth be told, I'll be glad to have someone watch over the house while I'm away."
Miss Parker could almost see his mischievous smile. "That's great. I was planning to leave within the next two days. You sure you want to entrust me with your house?"
Ben laughed softly. "Of course, Miss Parker. It's as much your house as it is mine," he said gently.
"Thank you, Ben," she replied fondly. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you again."
"So am I, Miss Parker, so am I. Be sure to make yourself at home, I'll see you in a few days."
"See you then, Ben."
***
It was already getting dark when Miss Parker steered her car up the driveway to Ben Miller's house. For the first time in months, she felt remotely relaxed and for once, her thoughts were not revolving around the Centre.
Even in the twilight of dusk, the house looked inviting to her, homey even. She parked the car, turned off the engine and got out. Then she took her bag from the back seat, locked the car and followed the small path that led up to the house.
Ben had promised to leave a spare key for her - only he hadn't told her where he would hide it. Miss Parker smiled. It probably wasn't hidden all that well; Ben lived in a safe area after all. The area was actually safe enough to leave the house unguarded, but Miss Parker appreciated Ben's gesture. Her mother had truly enjoyed herself here and maybe she would too.
After a short search in the area around the front door, she produced the spare key from a flowerpot next to the door. Shaking her head in disbelief, she unlocked the door.
***
It was much later when Miss Parker checked her watch for the first time that day. Surprised, she narrowed her eyes, almost half past three in the morning. Whatever had happened to the time?
In spite of her weariness, she had decided against going to bed and instead had made herself comfortable in Ben's living room. There she was, sitting on the couch, a blanket around her shoulders and a book in front of her. If she was honest with herself, she'd have to admit that she could hardly remember anything she had read during the last hours. Too often, her thoughts had strayed from the thin plot.
She closed the book with a sigh and put it on the coffee table. The fire in the fireplace seemed to have died down quite a while ago and she hadn't even noticed. She frowned, feeling something remotely like anger at herself. She would really have to do something about her lack of attention. At a place like the Centre, her inattentiveness would get her into serious trouble sooner or later; terminable trouble even.
Miss Parker didn't fight when her eyes seemed to shut of their own volition. She would not fall asleep anyway, her thoughts were in too much disarray. Dealing with some of these thoughts was much harder than keeping awake. There was one question in particular haunting her ever since her lunch with Sydney.
The situation between her and Jarod at their first meeting after his recapture had been more than tense and the memory of the fear she had felt then was still very vivid. Her fear had petrified her and it hadn't really been Jarod who had caused it. It had been her own behavior that had frightened her. Looking back now, she realized just how stupid her actions had been. Not only had she been careless, she had also allowed Jarod to take control.
Why hadn't she called for Sam's help?
The question kept running through her mind and she had yet to find a plausible answer to it. 'Because you knew that Jarod wouldn't have hurt you,' whispered the tiny voice inside of her that she could never fully suppress.
That was exactly what it was all about. Until yesterday, Miss Parker had been absolutely sure that Jarod would never hurt her, at least not intentionally. Yet, he had done so, not physically, but emotionally. Part of the pain he had inflicted on her was based on her disappointed trust in him. He had crossed a line and thus shaken something deep inside of her.
She wasn't sure whether she still trusted him or not. What he had said and done when they'd met for the second time had only served to strengthen her doubts and deepen her pain. If only...
"I know you're not asleep."
Miss Parker jerked her eyes open the second she heard the deep, rich voice. He could not be here; there was no way. It was impossible, Raines had imprisoned him deep down below the Centre. The world - and she too - was safe from him. The relief she felt when she saw nobody else in the room with her bordered on hysteria. Of course, he was not here. She allowed herself to relax again, only to tense up and spin around at a noise behind her.
There he was, right behind the couch. Jarod looked even grubbier than when she had last seen him. Only his eyes were as alert and watchful as ever, tensely scrutinizing her, seemingly waiting for something.
"You escaped," she whispered when she had finally recovered from the surprise. She felt a strange mixture of admiration, anger and resignation that made it hard for her to think straight.
He shrugged. "Nothing... no one, could ever make me stay at the Centre. I'd risk everything to get away from there."
His voice had a brittle note to it, giving away his utter exhaustion and the emotional pressure he was under. Miss Parker felt pity well up inside her and did everything to suppress the unbidden emotion. Jarod didn't deserve her pity, not after hurting Sydney and her that way. Carefully, with regard to her recent injury, she straightened and returned his gaze as levelly as possible.
"Then you had better leave now. Get out and run. I've never seen you here. I'll give you a head start until the Centre officially informs me of your escape," she said determinedly.
His gaze was still resting on her as he tilted his head to the side, pondering her offer. "That's not what I came here for," he replied eventually.
"I don't care," she burst out. "I've had it! Three years of hunting you is enough wasted time. It's over now! I want you to leave. I want you to leave me alone. If I never see you again it will still be too soon."
The hard unforgiving sound of her voice almost surprised her. She used her words to hurt him like he had hurt her with the one remark still standing between them.
"You don't mean that," Jarod said very gently. The vulnerable expression in his eyes lent his words an unexpected depth.
Miss Parker laughed softly, sounding not in the least amused. "Strange how all of a sudden everybody else seems to know what I feel and think better than I do myself." The notion of giving in and talking to Jarod seemed tempting for a moment, but she was afraid of the pain Jarod could so easily arouse in her.
"Leave. Now," was all she said.
"I can't," was his reply. "Not yet."
Her patience was wearing thin and then there was the pain, lurking somewhere deep inside of her and strong enough to destroy her. There was only one surefire defense she could think of; the same one she had been using ever since Jarod had first escaped three years ago.
"Move it," she hissed angrily, using her anger as a shield.
With some surprise, she watched Jarod's face take on an angry expression for a moment as well.
"Damn it! I came here to apologize! Can't you just listen to me for a minute?" he burst out. A few seconds later, he seemed to regret his outburst.
Miss Parker watched him for a long time, trying to decide what to do. The thought of getting an explanation for his weird behavior was rather appealing, but this was Jarod and there was no way of knowing what he was really up to. Eventually she threw caution to the wind and decided to listen to him. A tiny, astonished part of her registered that she still trusted him.
"All right, I'll listen to whatever you have say," she said with a sigh. "All I want in return is your promise to leave me alone for good afterwards."
He returned her gaze with an unreadable expression in his eyes.
"If you insist," he conceded with a shrug then walked over to one of the two armchairs on either side of the fireplace and took a seat on one of the armrests. His gaze drifted away from her for a split second and came to rest on his hands instead. Then he looked back into her eyes.
Miss Parker involuntary held her breath. More than ever before, he suddenly looked like a little boy, lost and helpless.
"I'm truly sorry," he began softly, genuine hurt making his voice quiver. "What happened these last days… I should never have done that, but I saw no other way."
"Would you mind telling me what you mean?" Miss Parker asked, surprising herself with the soft, almost gentle sound of her voice when adamant was what she had aimed for.
Jarod briefly shut his eyes before he went on.
"I... never should have said that about Tommy. Mostly because I didn't mean it, but also because I knew how much it would hurt you."
"You can't hurt me. Nobody can because I don't let them." She stated and they both knew that it was a lie, no matter how much Miss Parker wanted it to be the truth. For the length of a heartbeat, Jarod smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I know I can't unsay it, but maybe I can make it up to you if you'll let me."
Again, his gaze drifted away from her, longer this time. He swallowed hard, seeming to struggle with himself then finally looked back at her.
"I'm also sorry for what I've done," he said gently.
All Miss Parker did was look at him questioningly though she guessed what he was playing at.
"Thomas has only just died. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have... approached you in that way," Jarod stuttered. It almost sounded as if he were glad to finally have said the words. The whole thing must have weighed on his mind then too. Miss Parker found that knowledge more relieving than she expected.
"You're talking about your attacking me?"
"No! Yes..." His confusion was more than evident on his face and mingled with a fair share of embarrassment. "You know what I mean. The kiss..."
"Yes," Miss Parker replied softly, pensive. A thought popped up in her mind and she voiced it without so much as a moment's hesitation. "Which kiss are you sorry for?" she asked, giving in to her curiosity.
He hesitated a rather long time before he answered the question. "Both," he then said, "But each in a different way."
It was only now that Miss Parker realized that she was leaning towards him, her body tense with anxiety. Her injured shoulder pulsated with pain, causing her to lean back and try to relax.
"Care to explain this difference to me?"
Jarod nodded slowly, the embarrassment gone from his face and replaced by relief because she was trying to understand him. He took a deep breath then slowly exhaled, obviously trying to relax as well.
"When you came to see me that night... I knew it was you from the moment you entered the room."
"So the attack was intentional," she concluded. "So far I'm still with you. What about the rest? Why the kiss?"
"I'm... not sure," he replied evasively.
"Jarod."
She could sense his tension when he slowly exhaled.
"Control," he said, "I wanted control, at least over this one situation because I had already lost control over pretty much everything else. But... I wasn't myself that night."
"I know."
For the moment, Miss Parker was content with his explanation, though she was almost sure that there was more to it. The fact that his explanation equaled her thoughts made her think that he was only telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. For some reason he had chosen not to reveal his real motives to her.
As to their second meeting... Jarod had been himself then all right and had refrained from using his unique talents. She was absolutely sure about this point. Before she had a chance to voice a corresponding question, he continued of his own accord.
"I had been thinking about what I had said and done all night long. A part of me was still sure that I would be able to exert an influence on you that way. So, I struck a deal with Raines. I wanted him to send you to my room, but when I saw you..." He trailed off and gave a helpless shrug. "I realized I had made a mistake."
Miss Parker remained silent, thinking about his words. In spite of the genuine apology in his words, she felt a sudden surge of anger. What he had said about Tommy - about her, really - had hurt her tremendously. In addition to that, he had deeply shaken her trust in him and somehow that was even more painful than her marred memory of Tommy.
"Damn it, Jarod!" she burst out. "Don't you think there's enough pain in my life already? Do you think I need you to add to it?"
She hadn't meant to say any of that, but the pressure of her feelings was too much. It was nothing to her that she had just contradicted herself, that she had admitted how much he had hurt her. Even if they had stood on different sides these last years - the one thing she had been able to count on had been her trust in him. A few nights ago he had taken this certainty, this constant in her life, away from her, leaving her feeling as helpless and betrayed as she had felt when her mother had died.
Jarod looked at her, stricken. "Please forgive me, Parker," he whispered and got up to come over to her. Miss Parker commanded him to hold his distance both with a glance and a deflecting gesture. She shook her head, desperate to get a grip on her emotions. She didn't manage nearly as well as she hoped, but the semblance of control would have to make do.
Miss Parker changed the topic to gain herself some more time.
"What about this thing with Sydney?" she wanted to know. She stared off into space, yet her attention was focused solely on Jarod.
The pretender sighed softly. "I didn't want to talk to him," he said simply.
"Sydney told me as much. The question is: why not?"
"Because..." He hesitated briefly and his tone made her look back at him. "Because I was afraid of hurting him too. Things have changed between us ever since..."
"You met your father," she finished the sentence for him. It wasn't too difficult for her to understand Jarod in that matter. For all Jarod's life, Sydney had been a kind of father to him, a father who hardly ever showed him any emotion, though. Now that Jarod had met his 'real' father, his relationship with Sydney had inevitably changed. He now needed Sydney in a different way than he had before. Even though this change hadn't come overnight, the situation wasn't easy for either one of them.
Jarod nodded, a hesitant smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "It's astonishing," he said and Miss Parker thought she heard a trace of amusement in his voice. "You understand me better than anybody else, if you set your mind to it. Yet you didn't manage to return me to the Centre."
In spite of herself Miss Parker smiled faintly - she knew that there was some truth in Jarod's teasing words. "Who said I was trying to understand you?" she replied and got up from the couch to walk over to one of the windows. From there, she had a spectacular view of the lake. When she looked out, she realized with some astonishment that the sun was already rising on the far side of the lake. For a moment she forgot about Jarod and the conflicting feelings he caused in her, captured by the beauty of the moment.
She left the living room and stepped out on the porch, where she leant lightly against the rail. The first rays of the sun basked the country in their warm golden light, gently caressing her face and warming her skin. A feeling of pure delight washed through her and drowned everything else for a precious moment. The memory of her mother accompanied this strong emotion and with it, her doubts returned.
"Your mother must have been very happy here," Jarod suddenly said next to her, as if reading her thoughts.
"I hope so," she replied inaudibly soft. His tacit understanding felt good to her, even if it was hard for her to accept. A heartbeat later, she felt his hand resting lightly on her uninjured shoulder.
"Apologizing to you wasn't my only reason for coming here."
"It wasn't?"
Miss Parker suppressed a smile.
"No. I wanted to make sure you were all right. Angelo didn't tell me much."
"Angelo?"
Surprised, she half turned to face him, feeling regret as he withdrew his hand from her. He had always touched her in a special way, with respect, gently and.... No, she wasn't quite ready yet to name the emotion she associated with his touch.
"Angelo visited me not long after Raines brought me back in. He was my only source of information. Whenever I asked him about you, he said 'Miss Parker hurts'. I wasn't sure what to make of that."
"You asked him for news about me?"
Jarod laughed softly. "Come on, Parker. Aren't you tired yet of this game? Why not be honest with each other for a change?"
Miss Parker shot him a brief glance, trying to read in his dark eyes. "You first," she said, anxious to learn what he had to say. She turned fully towards him, scrutinizing him with a mixture of curiosity and caution.
"I have no idea what the future will bring," Jarod began, "but I want you to know that you'll always have a friend in me. In the past, I tried to help you as best I could and I will continue to do so. I'll be there for you if you need me."
"Jarod, I..."
He shook his head.
"No strings attached for you. I don't expect anything in return. You're still working for the Centre and I'm fully aware of that, but..."
Jarod held out his hand to her.
"Friends?" he asked in a tone that made it impossible for her to refuse him. Why not? She took his hand and squeezed it gently, rejoicing in the pleasantly gentle touch of his warm fingers.
"Okay, although I'm not at all sure that this is going to work. We might be too different after all."
"Let's wait and see, Miss Parker," he replied with a confidence she would have loved to share. Not really wanting to, she let go of his hand and turned to face the sunrise again. With Jarod by her side, she watched the sun rise slowly over Lake Catherine, filled with a warmth that had nothing to do with the sun on her skin.
End of part 3
Kudos to Dianne - for bidding in the Pretender Story Auction and for volunteering to edit this translation!
Part III
By Miss Bit
"Would you mind my company for a while, Miss Parker?"
It was almost noon when Sydney's quiet voice made her look up. She was sitting on the rim of one of the fountains that were scattered all over the Centre's foyer. The soft splashing sound of the water had come as a welcome diversion, at least for a while and every now and then, she would throw one of the small pebbles she held in her hand into the water.
"You left your office," she stated the obvious.
"You can hardly lock yourself up forever. Not in your office nor in the place that you have retreated to."
It was only now that she met his gaze. "How philosophical," she replied with a tiny smile. "Or should I say 'psychological'?"
She pointed at the low marble wall that surrounded the fountain. Sydney accepted her tacit invitation and sat down next to her.
"What happened to your sling?" he wanted to know.
Miss Parker smiled humorlessly. "I tried to choke Jarod with it," she said, almost wishing that it were true.
With her mind a thousand miles away, she dropped another pebble into the crystal blue water and pensively watched the tiny waves that quickly spread all over the pool. Another pebble followed the first one, creating its own waves. Complex patterns appeared on the smooth surface of the pool as the waves reinforced and extinguished each other.
'That's the way it's always been with Jarod,' Miss Parker mused. The consequences of his actions had always been present in her life, had even had an influence on it; some times more so than others, but always recognizable.
"What do you think is wrong with Jarod?" she asked Sydney after a few moments of silence had passed. "You know him quite well, after all."
"Just as you do. Maybe not even quite as well," he answered pensively.
Miss Parker exhaled with a sigh.
"I have no idea what's up with him. My best guess is that Raines has given him something other than a sedative. The way he's acting, I'd say Jarod has had his first experience with LSD."
Sydney's neutral expression turned into a considerably unhappier one. "Maybe you're right. God, if Raines is using Jarod for one of his experiments..."
"Calm down, Syd," Miss Parker said. "I sincerely doubt that Raines will harm him; not as long as he has some use for his best pretender anyway."
She fell silent after that and stared off into space. Why was Jarod acting so strangely? First, he'd done everything he could think of to hurt her and then at their next meeting, he'd acted quite contrarily. Miss Parker felt Sydney's gaze on her.
"Tell me what he wants from me," she asked him, "I just can't figure him out."
"Jarod is searching for human affection. It's as simple as that. I believe he misses your warmth."
Miss Parker laughed, unbelieving. "Yeah, right."
Sydney looked at her, nothing but sincerity in his eyes. "Just give it a moment's thought, Miss Parker," he pleaded with her. "The Centre separated him from his family, of which he has little to no recollection. He grew up here alone - without a family and only a handful of friends. The only person he ever knew to treat him with warmth and affection was... is you."
"If that's really what he wants," she replied pensively, "well, it's a little too late for that. We were children back then. What did I know about him and the Centre?"
'Enough,' her inner voice whispered as she thought about Sydney's words. She remembered the strange expression in Jarod's eyes shortly before he had kissed her. As if he were searching for something, something that was close by, yet at the same time unreachably far away. Could Sydney be right? The thought seemed highly unlikely and if it was true, then Jarod was wishing for something that could not be fulfilled. He missed the girl she had been so many years ago. The affection that girl had had for him was no longer present in the grown woman. Or was it?
"You've never talked to me about it, Miss Parker, and I can only begin to guess how you see your relationship with Jarod, but as far as Jarod is concerned... During the past three years, he's kept in touch with you and he's helped you to learn more about yourself and your past. Don't you think it's possible that there is a connection between the two of you, some sort of link?"
Miss Parker tilted her head to the side and looked at her reflection in the water. A few seconds later, she dipped her hand into the water, disturbing the still picture. She tensely watched the waves, all the while thinking about an answer to Sydney's question. Not too long ago, she used to think about the strange relationship between Jarod and her every once in a while, but ever since Tommy had been murdered, her mind had been preoccupied with other things. She smiled humorlessly. It had always been easier not to think about Jarod.
"Miss Parker?"
The tone of Sydney's voice made her turn back to him. He scrutinized her then gave her a warm smile. "Come on, I'll take you out to lunch. It'll do us both good to spend some time away from the Centre."
"Yes, why not?" she agreed, returning his smile just long enough for him to notice.
***
"... And that's why I don't believe that Raines will ever manage to make Jarod work for the Centre again. He's sure to..."
Miss Parker had really tried to follow Sydney's line of thought, but there were too many other things weighing on her mind, too many problems screaming for her attention. Why was everyone acting so differently all of a sudden? First, her father then Jarod and even Sydney didn't seem to be quite his usual self. Or was she herself the problem? Was she the one acting strangely? Maybe she was just perceiving things in a different way...
She heaved a sigh and poked listlessly at her meal. Sydney had taken her to one of Blue Cove's best restaurants, one she usually felt really comfortable in. Today she took no notice of either the tasteful interior or the elegant pieces of art that were exhibited all over the dining area. Her gaze kept drifting off into space while she tried to analyze her emotions or at least put names to some of them.
"Miss Parker?"
Startled, she looked up. It was only now that she realized that Sydney had already called her name twice.
"You haven't heard a word I said during the last five minutes, have you?" he asked, his voice containing no reproach, he sounded concerned instead.
"I'm sorry," Miss Parker answered, creasing her brow. She didn't like the fact that she simply couldn't concentrate on Sydney, not for the life of her. Usually she made the conscious decision not to listen to someone.
"I guess I just need a good night's sleep," she said with a slight shrug. Now it was Sydney's turn to frown.
"You probably won't want to hear it, but I'll give you some medical advice anyway. I can see how exhausted you are, Miss Parker. In fact, I noticed that some time ago - when Thomas Gates died."
"When he was murdered," she corrected him sharply. Sydney just cocked his head.
"However. I didn't say anything, to give you the opportunity to get over it on your own. After all, I know what you think about people meddling in your affairs, but now the time has come for me to offer you my help - or at least my advice - and for you to accept it."
Miss Parker looked hard at him. She knew he was worried about her. Besides, he was right. It had been hard for her to cope with everything all on her own.
"So, what's your advice?" she inquired gently.
Sydney returned her gaze, looking surprised and relieved all at once. "Vacation. You need a vacation. Leave the Centre behind you, at least for a while. That'll do you more good than you can probably imagine right now. Once you put some distance between yourself and your problems you'll see things a lot clearer."
Later on, she would wonder if it had been his words, his convinced tone or a combination of both that had won her over. The idea was rather appealing and she already knew exactly where she wanted to spend her vacation.
"You know, that doesn't sound bad at all. It's been a while since my last vacation and if my father will let me, I'll take a few days off."
"Make that a week or even better, two weeks," Sydney suggested enthusiastically.
Miss Parker lifted a brow, feeling amused. "Trying to get rid of me, Syd?" She lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "No, let me guess: You're planning to help Jarod escape and you need me out of your way."
Sydney smiled faintly. "I don't think he would accept my help right now," he replied much too seriously. Miss Parker felt a pang of disapproval. That was another thing that made her angry with Jarod. Of all the people in Jarod's life, Sydney was the one who deserved Jarod's current behavior the least. Sydney had always tried to help Jarod.
Now it was Sydney who seemed a thousand miles away, but it was only a few seconds until he looked up at her again. He nodded towards her plate, which still held most of her lunch. "I noticed how little you eat these days," he said quietly. He gently covered her hand with his own. "You need to take better care of yourself, especially now with that injury or you will never feel any better."
"Exactly my thoughts," she replied, her voice only sounding half as glum as she felt.
***
Her office felt strangely empty when she returned there that afternoon. She had talked to her father and he had told her that he, too, had been worried about her and that he'd be glad to see her relax a little. His approval of her vacation had surprised her a little, but she ascribed his behavior to his guilty feelings.
She pushed her thoughts about her father away, a pensive smile playing about her lips, and directed her attention to her impending vacation instead. Miss Parker reached for her cell phone and dialed a number she was familiar with, even though she hardly ever used it. It was almost a minute until someone picked up.
"Hello?" gasped an elderly voice.
"Hello, Ben," she greeted him with considerable warmth in her voice.
"Miss Parker! It's good to hear your voice again. How are you?"
For a short moment, she felt tempted to tell him all about Tommy, Major Charles and her injury, but then decided against burdening him with her sorrows. Perhaps she could tell him everything in person.
"Just fine," she replied evasively. "How about you?"
"Oh, everything's all right over here," Ben replied in that quiet voice of his. When he paused for a moment, she tried to imagine his face and especially his warm eyes, which repaid her for the coldness in her own father's eyes. "Is there a particular reason why you're calling? Can I help you with something?"
Miss Parker smiled. It was easy for her to ask a favor of Ben.
"You can indeed. I'd... like to come to visit you for a few days, spend my vacation with you. That is if you don't mind."
Feeling a little anxious, she waited for his answer.
"If I don't mind? My dear Miss Parker, of course, I don't mind! You can stay as long as you want to," he said immediately and she knew that the quiet joy in his voice was genuine. A few seconds later though, the joy turned into disappointment. "Aw, I forgot - I'll be away on business for the next three or four days and it's impossible for me to postpone it. Maybe you could come here a little later? In a few days?"
She tried to fight her disappointment and failed.
"That's... okay," she lied, struggling to keep her voice even.
"No, it's not. As I said, I'd love to see you again. Listen, why don't you get here whenever you feel like it? I'll leave the spare key for you. Truth be told, I'll be glad to have someone watch over the house while I'm away."
Miss Parker could almost see his mischievous smile. "That's great. I was planning to leave within the next two days. You sure you want to entrust me with your house?"
Ben laughed softly. "Of course, Miss Parker. It's as much your house as it is mine," he said gently.
"Thank you, Ben," she replied fondly. "I'm really looking forward to seeing you again."
"So am I, Miss Parker, so am I. Be sure to make yourself at home, I'll see you in a few days."
"See you then, Ben."
***
It was already getting dark when Miss Parker steered her car up the driveway to Ben Miller's house. For the first time in months, she felt remotely relaxed and for once, her thoughts were not revolving around the Centre.
Even in the twilight of dusk, the house looked inviting to her, homey even. She parked the car, turned off the engine and got out. Then she took her bag from the back seat, locked the car and followed the small path that led up to the house.
Ben had promised to leave a spare key for her - only he hadn't told her where he would hide it. Miss Parker smiled. It probably wasn't hidden all that well; Ben lived in a safe area after all. The area was actually safe enough to leave the house unguarded, but Miss Parker appreciated Ben's gesture. Her mother had truly enjoyed herself here and maybe she would too.
After a short search in the area around the front door, she produced the spare key from a flowerpot next to the door. Shaking her head in disbelief, she unlocked the door.
***
It was much later when Miss Parker checked her watch for the first time that day. Surprised, she narrowed her eyes, almost half past three in the morning. Whatever had happened to the time?
In spite of her weariness, she had decided against going to bed and instead had made herself comfortable in Ben's living room. There she was, sitting on the couch, a blanket around her shoulders and a book in front of her. If she was honest with herself, she'd have to admit that she could hardly remember anything she had read during the last hours. Too often, her thoughts had strayed from the thin plot.
She closed the book with a sigh and put it on the coffee table. The fire in the fireplace seemed to have died down quite a while ago and she hadn't even noticed. She frowned, feeling something remotely like anger at herself. She would really have to do something about her lack of attention. At a place like the Centre, her inattentiveness would get her into serious trouble sooner or later; terminable trouble even.
Miss Parker didn't fight when her eyes seemed to shut of their own volition. She would not fall asleep anyway, her thoughts were in too much disarray. Dealing with some of these thoughts was much harder than keeping awake. There was one question in particular haunting her ever since her lunch with Sydney.
The situation between her and Jarod at their first meeting after his recapture had been more than tense and the memory of the fear she had felt then was still very vivid. Her fear had petrified her and it hadn't really been Jarod who had caused it. It had been her own behavior that had frightened her. Looking back now, she realized just how stupid her actions had been. Not only had she been careless, she had also allowed Jarod to take control.
Why hadn't she called for Sam's help?
The question kept running through her mind and she had yet to find a plausible answer to it. 'Because you knew that Jarod wouldn't have hurt you,' whispered the tiny voice inside of her that she could never fully suppress.
That was exactly what it was all about. Until yesterday, Miss Parker had been absolutely sure that Jarod would never hurt her, at least not intentionally. Yet, he had done so, not physically, but emotionally. Part of the pain he had inflicted on her was based on her disappointed trust in him. He had crossed a line and thus shaken something deep inside of her.
She wasn't sure whether she still trusted him or not. What he had said and done when they'd met for the second time had only served to strengthen her doubts and deepen her pain. If only...
"I know you're not asleep."
Miss Parker jerked her eyes open the second she heard the deep, rich voice. He could not be here; there was no way. It was impossible, Raines had imprisoned him deep down below the Centre. The world - and she too - was safe from him. The relief she felt when she saw nobody else in the room with her bordered on hysteria. Of course, he was not here. She allowed herself to relax again, only to tense up and spin around at a noise behind her.
There he was, right behind the couch. Jarod looked even grubbier than when she had last seen him. Only his eyes were as alert and watchful as ever, tensely scrutinizing her, seemingly waiting for something.
"You escaped," she whispered when she had finally recovered from the surprise. She felt a strange mixture of admiration, anger and resignation that made it hard for her to think straight.
He shrugged. "Nothing... no one, could ever make me stay at the Centre. I'd risk everything to get away from there."
His voice had a brittle note to it, giving away his utter exhaustion and the emotional pressure he was under. Miss Parker felt pity well up inside her and did everything to suppress the unbidden emotion. Jarod didn't deserve her pity, not after hurting Sydney and her that way. Carefully, with regard to her recent injury, she straightened and returned his gaze as levelly as possible.
"Then you had better leave now. Get out and run. I've never seen you here. I'll give you a head start until the Centre officially informs me of your escape," she said determinedly.
His gaze was still resting on her as he tilted his head to the side, pondering her offer. "That's not what I came here for," he replied eventually.
"I don't care," she burst out. "I've had it! Three years of hunting you is enough wasted time. It's over now! I want you to leave. I want you to leave me alone. If I never see you again it will still be too soon."
The hard unforgiving sound of her voice almost surprised her. She used her words to hurt him like he had hurt her with the one remark still standing between them.
"You don't mean that," Jarod said very gently. The vulnerable expression in his eyes lent his words an unexpected depth.
Miss Parker laughed softly, sounding not in the least amused. "Strange how all of a sudden everybody else seems to know what I feel and think better than I do myself." The notion of giving in and talking to Jarod seemed tempting for a moment, but she was afraid of the pain Jarod could so easily arouse in her.
"Leave. Now," was all she said.
"I can't," was his reply. "Not yet."
Her patience was wearing thin and then there was the pain, lurking somewhere deep inside of her and strong enough to destroy her. There was only one surefire defense she could think of; the same one she had been using ever since Jarod had first escaped three years ago.
"Move it," she hissed angrily, using her anger as a shield.
With some surprise, she watched Jarod's face take on an angry expression for a moment as well.
"Damn it! I came here to apologize! Can't you just listen to me for a minute?" he burst out. A few seconds later, he seemed to regret his outburst.
Miss Parker watched him for a long time, trying to decide what to do. The thought of getting an explanation for his weird behavior was rather appealing, but this was Jarod and there was no way of knowing what he was really up to. Eventually she threw caution to the wind and decided to listen to him. A tiny, astonished part of her registered that she still trusted him.
"All right, I'll listen to whatever you have say," she said with a sigh. "All I want in return is your promise to leave me alone for good afterwards."
He returned her gaze with an unreadable expression in his eyes.
"If you insist," he conceded with a shrug then walked over to one of the two armchairs on either side of the fireplace and took a seat on one of the armrests. His gaze drifted away from her for a split second and came to rest on his hands instead. Then he looked back into her eyes.
Miss Parker involuntary held her breath. More than ever before, he suddenly looked like a little boy, lost and helpless.
"I'm truly sorry," he began softly, genuine hurt making his voice quiver. "What happened these last days… I should never have done that, but I saw no other way."
"Would you mind telling me what you mean?" Miss Parker asked, surprising herself with the soft, almost gentle sound of her voice when adamant was what she had aimed for.
Jarod briefly shut his eyes before he went on.
"I... never should have said that about Tommy. Mostly because I didn't mean it, but also because I knew how much it would hurt you."
"You can't hurt me. Nobody can because I don't let them." She stated and they both knew that it was a lie, no matter how much Miss Parker wanted it to be the truth. For the length of a heartbeat, Jarod smiled sadly.
"I'm sorry," he repeated. "I know I can't unsay it, but maybe I can make it up to you if you'll let me."
Again, his gaze drifted away from her, longer this time. He swallowed hard, seeming to struggle with himself then finally looked back at her.
"I'm also sorry for what I've done," he said gently.
All Miss Parker did was look at him questioningly though she guessed what he was playing at.
"Thomas has only just died. I shouldn't... I shouldn't have... approached you in that way," Jarod stuttered. It almost sounded as if he were glad to finally have said the words. The whole thing must have weighed on his mind then too. Miss Parker found that knowledge more relieving than she expected.
"You're talking about your attacking me?"
"No! Yes..." His confusion was more than evident on his face and mingled with a fair share of embarrassment. "You know what I mean. The kiss..."
"Yes," Miss Parker replied softly, pensive. A thought popped up in her mind and she voiced it without so much as a moment's hesitation. "Which kiss are you sorry for?" she asked, giving in to her curiosity.
He hesitated a rather long time before he answered the question. "Both," he then said, "But each in a different way."
It was only now that Miss Parker realized that she was leaning towards him, her body tense with anxiety. Her injured shoulder pulsated with pain, causing her to lean back and try to relax.
"Care to explain this difference to me?"
Jarod nodded slowly, the embarrassment gone from his face and replaced by relief because she was trying to understand him. He took a deep breath then slowly exhaled, obviously trying to relax as well.
"When you came to see me that night... I knew it was you from the moment you entered the room."
"So the attack was intentional," she concluded. "So far I'm still with you. What about the rest? Why the kiss?"
"I'm... not sure," he replied evasively.
"Jarod."
She could sense his tension when he slowly exhaled.
"Control," he said, "I wanted control, at least over this one situation because I had already lost control over pretty much everything else. But... I wasn't myself that night."
"I know."
For the moment, Miss Parker was content with his explanation, though she was almost sure that there was more to it. The fact that his explanation equaled her thoughts made her think that he was only telling her what he thought she wanted to hear. For some reason he had chosen not to reveal his real motives to her.
As to their second meeting... Jarod had been himself then all right and had refrained from using his unique talents. She was absolutely sure about this point. Before she had a chance to voice a corresponding question, he continued of his own accord.
"I had been thinking about what I had said and done all night long. A part of me was still sure that I would be able to exert an influence on you that way. So, I struck a deal with Raines. I wanted him to send you to my room, but when I saw you..." He trailed off and gave a helpless shrug. "I realized I had made a mistake."
Miss Parker remained silent, thinking about his words. In spite of the genuine apology in his words, she felt a sudden surge of anger. What he had said about Tommy - about her, really - had hurt her tremendously. In addition to that, he had deeply shaken her trust in him and somehow that was even more painful than her marred memory of Tommy.
"Damn it, Jarod!" she burst out. "Don't you think there's enough pain in my life already? Do you think I need you to add to it?"
She hadn't meant to say any of that, but the pressure of her feelings was too much. It was nothing to her that she had just contradicted herself, that she had admitted how much he had hurt her. Even if they had stood on different sides these last years - the one thing she had been able to count on had been her trust in him. A few nights ago he had taken this certainty, this constant in her life, away from her, leaving her feeling as helpless and betrayed as she had felt when her mother had died.
Jarod looked at her, stricken. "Please forgive me, Parker," he whispered and got up to come over to her. Miss Parker commanded him to hold his distance both with a glance and a deflecting gesture. She shook her head, desperate to get a grip on her emotions. She didn't manage nearly as well as she hoped, but the semblance of control would have to make do.
Miss Parker changed the topic to gain herself some more time.
"What about this thing with Sydney?" she wanted to know. She stared off into space, yet her attention was focused solely on Jarod.
The pretender sighed softly. "I didn't want to talk to him," he said simply.
"Sydney told me as much. The question is: why not?"
"Because..." He hesitated briefly and his tone made her look back at him. "Because I was afraid of hurting him too. Things have changed between us ever since..."
"You met your father," she finished the sentence for him. It wasn't too difficult for her to understand Jarod in that matter. For all Jarod's life, Sydney had been a kind of father to him, a father who hardly ever showed him any emotion, though. Now that Jarod had met his 'real' father, his relationship with Sydney had inevitably changed. He now needed Sydney in a different way than he had before. Even though this change hadn't come overnight, the situation wasn't easy for either one of them.
Jarod nodded, a hesitant smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "It's astonishing," he said and Miss Parker thought she heard a trace of amusement in his voice. "You understand me better than anybody else, if you set your mind to it. Yet you didn't manage to return me to the Centre."
In spite of herself Miss Parker smiled faintly - she knew that there was some truth in Jarod's teasing words. "Who said I was trying to understand you?" she replied and got up from the couch to walk over to one of the windows. From there, she had a spectacular view of the lake. When she looked out, she realized with some astonishment that the sun was already rising on the far side of the lake. For a moment she forgot about Jarod and the conflicting feelings he caused in her, captured by the beauty of the moment.
She left the living room and stepped out on the porch, where she leant lightly against the rail. The first rays of the sun basked the country in their warm golden light, gently caressing her face and warming her skin. A feeling of pure delight washed through her and drowned everything else for a precious moment. The memory of her mother accompanied this strong emotion and with it, her doubts returned.
"Your mother must have been very happy here," Jarod suddenly said next to her, as if reading her thoughts.
"I hope so," she replied inaudibly soft. His tacit understanding felt good to her, even if it was hard for her to accept. A heartbeat later, she felt his hand resting lightly on her uninjured shoulder.
"Apologizing to you wasn't my only reason for coming here."
"It wasn't?"
Miss Parker suppressed a smile.
"No. I wanted to make sure you were all right. Angelo didn't tell me much."
"Angelo?"
Surprised, she half turned to face him, feeling regret as he withdrew his hand from her. He had always touched her in a special way, with respect, gently and.... No, she wasn't quite ready yet to name the emotion she associated with his touch.
"Angelo visited me not long after Raines brought me back in. He was my only source of information. Whenever I asked him about you, he said 'Miss Parker hurts'. I wasn't sure what to make of that."
"You asked him for news about me?"
Jarod laughed softly. "Come on, Parker. Aren't you tired yet of this game? Why not be honest with each other for a change?"
Miss Parker shot him a brief glance, trying to read in his dark eyes. "You first," she said, anxious to learn what he had to say. She turned fully towards him, scrutinizing him with a mixture of curiosity and caution.
"I have no idea what the future will bring," Jarod began, "but I want you to know that you'll always have a friend in me. In the past, I tried to help you as best I could and I will continue to do so. I'll be there for you if you need me."
"Jarod, I..."
He shook his head.
"No strings attached for you. I don't expect anything in return. You're still working for the Centre and I'm fully aware of that, but..."
Jarod held out his hand to her.
"Friends?" he asked in a tone that made it impossible for her to refuse him. Why not? She took his hand and squeezed it gently, rejoicing in the pleasantly gentle touch of his warm fingers.
"Okay, although I'm not at all sure that this is going to work. We might be too different after all."
"Let's wait and see, Miss Parker," he replied with a confidence she would have loved to share. Not really wanting to, she let go of his hand and turned to face the sunrise again. With Jarod by her side, she watched the sun rise slowly over Lake Catherine, filled with a warmth that had nothing to do with the sun on her skin.
End of part 3
