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(Note: This is a fun little AU my brain worked up while my body was driving back to school after my state inspection. The premise is that Jarod, Emily, Ethan, JJ, and Charles are living together in a house somewhere when an unexpected visitor drops in. And no, it's not supposed to make sense.)
Gotcha!
Disclaimers: don't own 'em, don't rent 'em, don't make anything from 'em, yada yada yada..
Emily was downstairs doing something with magazines. She had just gone to the kitchen for some scissors and was heading back to the living room, mentally reassuring herself that Ethan was in the study, filling out job applications (she really wanted to see Jarod's expression when he found out that Ethan intended to expose himself to danger by working a normal job), Jarod was upstairs doing some "creative financing" with some money he had liberated from the Centre, JJ was immersed in a book about the RCMP and wouldn't come back to reality for hours, and Charles was out seeing a man about a horse-radish. She was about halfway back to the living room when she heard a very distinctive knock on the front door. She stopped and listened as it came again; it wasn't their chosen knock, but it was definitely a pattern, and she thought it sounded familiar. It came a third and a fourth time before she placed it--"Oh-oh-oh-oh yes, I'm the great Pre- tender." She was wary, but she couldn't help but snicker to herself just the same as she went to the peephole. She peered out but could see only the slowly receding back of a woman wearing a red denim vest over a candy- stripe shirt, blue jeans with a hole in the back pocket, and a red felt fedora.
Incredibly intelligent but not being one for common sense (who in this family is?) Emily opened the door and called after her. The young woman jumped, turned around with her hand over her heart and huge dark brown eyes, and looked dismayed as she saw Emily. "I-I'm sorry," she said, "I was looking for a friend of mine. I thought his message said he'd be here."
After eyeing the stranger for hints of weapons, Emily opened the door a bit wider and said, "Well, come on in; you can use our phone if you need to." The younger woman thanked Emily and stepped inside. Emily, who wasn't quite careless enough to introduce herself, begged the girl's pardon for the music drifting down the stairs--some Canadian guy jamming about a boat that sank on Lake Michigan--and said that there were males in the house, as though that should be explanation enough.
The wildly dressed girl swept off her hat to allow glossy black pigtail braids to fall until they swung at the base of her rib cage. Her skin was olive-toned, and her eyes were slightly slanted and didn't reveal a hint of her plot. As she stood in the foyer, she absently slipped her hands into her hip pockets. Emily started hunting for the cordless phone, and the young woman looked surreptitiously around the foyer.
It only took her a moment to spot it--first one, then another and another; she had stopped hoping to catch him, so this was a pleasant possibility. Her eyes widened with every one she saw, and she began actively searching for more, knowing that the few out in the open might be nothing more than coincidence. Finally she gently opened the door to the coat closet, which accidentally overbalanced a box overflowing with Pez containers! She stepped back and laughed to herself, knowing that she had finally found her prey. As Emily came back to investigate the clatter, the smaller woman smiled, looked up the stairs, and shouted, "Jarod! You little monster, I've got you! And what is this, this chick being here? You're cheating on me! After all we've been through, you're cheating on me with her? You're dead, Jarod! You hear me? Dead!"
Emily backed away a few steps, reaching for the shotgun nestled under the stairs, but her hand never got there. Suddenly Jarod was on the stairs, gazing down in shock and.... grinning! The girl looked satisfied with herself but a bit perturbed. He came down the stairs, gripped her upper arms, and looked hard at her. She reached up and popped out a pair of colored contacts, revealing green eyes; with a devious grin, she intoned, "Gotcha!" He touched her hair, fingering it gently, and then suddenly gave it a savage tug. His sister watched, stunned, as the black pigtails slithered to the floor to reveal pinned russet hair, and Jarod's thumbs massaged the girl's cheekbones, which were suddenly freckled as her makeup wiped away.
"You little sneak," he said with a grin. "You came looking for me when you knew it was risky. I'm glad you're here, but I think you should know that you were very nearly a pin cushion."
The girl finished wiping off her makeup with a tissue from her pocket, wrinkled her brow, and said, "Huh?"
He said, "My, uh, girl here was going for the shotgun. She's very territorial, you know."
The girl scowled. "I was right! You are cheating on me with her!"
Emily looked at her, then, still not knowing who the girl was but willing to play along, gave Jarod a glare and said, "Yeah! And you're cheating on me with her! I'm so hurt!!"
He looked at Emily and adopted his best consoling aire. "Oh, honey, you know I could never really cheat on you. You're my favorite girl!"
The redhead gasped and stomped her foot. "Jarod.... whatever your middle name is.... whatever your last name is! How could you? I thought I was your favorite girl!" He turned back to her, enjoying the game. "You are. Well, you are whenever she's not around."
Emily was tapping her foot. "Oh, she is, is she? What about when she's not around, huh?"
Jarod pouted. "Aw, Em, you're not really gonna be like that, are you? Can't you two share the love? C'mon, you don't have to fight; there's enough of me to go around!" Both women gave identical gasps of stunned offence and whopped him in the arms. Jarod ducked and grinned. "'Caught between two women/ enough to make you drool/ and all I know is/ I'm makin' up the rules.'" Only Jarod could rewrite and resing a song so badly in such a short amount of time.
The redhead said, "You're such an idiot, Jarod."
Emily snickered and said, "Yeah, they had to have a couple of boneheads before they finally did it right and came out with me! Oh, but don't worry, hon, I'll be sure to fill you in, since we'll be sharing him and all. I can tell you all about how to deal with him when he's in full bonehead mode."
Jarod put on an exaggerated look of injured pride. "Em, you wound me! How could you be so cruel? Oh, yeah, I get it; we share a razor, so we must cut each other."
The redhead looked from one to the other and back for a few seconds, digesting the last few statements. Then, suddenly, her jungle green eyes widened and lit up, and she said, "Em? Share a razor? Oh, my Lord, you must be Emily!!"
Emily nodded, looking vaguely pleased. "Yep, guilty as charged."
The redhead shrieked and threw her arms around Emily. "Oh, I'm so glad you finally found him... or he found you... or.... oh, I don't care who did what; it's just fantastic to see you two together finally!!!!"
About the time Emily squeezed the petite woman, deciding she liked her, whoever she was, the front door opened and a gravelly voice said, "Did I hear someone say that someone did something? Okay, what was it and who broke it?"
The redhead suddenly released Emily and threw herself at Major Charles with another shriek. He chuckled and caught her. "It's nice to see you again, too, sweetpea! Are these kids of mine giving you any trouble? 'Cause you know, if they are, you can always shmack 'em. The way I see it, you have more right to whoop Jarod than I do, and that's sayin' something."
Emily's eyes slowly rounded as she put it together. "You're Zoe, aren't you? Oh, I've heard so much about you! This one, he never goes more than a couple of minutes without mentioning you. And Dad, well, I think he's secretly got a thing for you, too." The two women embraced again and laughed. Zoe's exuberance was contagious.
After another minute or so of excited chatter, a young man with brown hair wondered into the foyer from the back of the house, rubbing his ears. "Hey," he said, "I really hate to interrupt the party, but some of us are trying to work back there, so would you mind dialing down the.... girliness for awhile? Thanks."
Jarod leaned over and ruffled the man's hair (there were advantages to being taller and stronger.) "Aw, Ethan, chill; they may look scary now, but I promise you, bud, in a few years when you finally hit puberty, you'll like girls."
The whole group laughed at this. Ethan clapped sarcastically, then reached in when Jarod was off his guard and danced his fingers around his brother's ribs (there were advantages to being smaller and faster, too.) He danced out of the way of Jarod's elbow and grinned.
Zoe looked at Ethan happily. He waved a hand at her and said, "Oh, no, please, don't shriek for me. I'm much too modest for that."
She giggled and said, obviously totally joking, "Hey, cool! I've always wanted to meet you! Hey, everybody, look--it's the UnaBomber!"
Ethan ran a hand through his fine (and therefore now hopelessly tangled) hair and looked sheepish. "Heh. Well, actually, I'm more the Un-bomber. But don't worry--I will be signing autographs later. If you don't mind them in accelerant, that is."
Zoe blew that off with her hands. "Oh, phsh; ink, gasoline, tequila--man, whatever works for you."
"Okay, then," Ethan said thoughtfully, then gave her a calculating look, "I'll make you a deal: I'll autograph a hundred-dollar bill and give it to you, if you'll help me with a little something."
A mischievous look dawned in Zoe's green eyes as she grinned. "Okay, I'm game. What do you want me to do?"
Ethan crossed the little cluster of people and, looking slyly in Jarod's direction, whispered something in Zoe's ear. When he was finished, she straightened up and her eyes grew exponentially. She fixed Ethan with a shocked expression as she sputtered something like, "You--you--little--you-- brat--you--!" Then a molten grin spread across her face; she glanced at Jarod, who was looking a little worried, and bit her lip. Zoe met Ethan's eyes again, took a deep breath, and chuckled, "You're on!"
Jarod, now a whole lot worried, gasped, turned, and ran as Zoe and Ethan bolted toward him.
Gotcha!
Disclaimers: don't own 'em, don't rent 'em, don't make anything from 'em, yada yada yada..
Emily was downstairs doing something with magazines. She had just gone to the kitchen for some scissors and was heading back to the living room, mentally reassuring herself that Ethan was in the study, filling out job applications (she really wanted to see Jarod's expression when he found out that Ethan intended to expose himself to danger by working a normal job), Jarod was upstairs doing some "creative financing" with some money he had liberated from the Centre, JJ was immersed in a book about the RCMP and wouldn't come back to reality for hours, and Charles was out seeing a man about a horse-radish. She was about halfway back to the living room when she heard a very distinctive knock on the front door. She stopped and listened as it came again; it wasn't their chosen knock, but it was definitely a pattern, and she thought it sounded familiar. It came a third and a fourth time before she placed it--"Oh-oh-oh-oh yes, I'm the great Pre- tender." She was wary, but she couldn't help but snicker to herself just the same as she went to the peephole. She peered out but could see only the slowly receding back of a woman wearing a red denim vest over a candy- stripe shirt, blue jeans with a hole in the back pocket, and a red felt fedora.
Incredibly intelligent but not being one for common sense (who in this family is?) Emily opened the door and called after her. The young woman jumped, turned around with her hand over her heart and huge dark brown eyes, and looked dismayed as she saw Emily. "I-I'm sorry," she said, "I was looking for a friend of mine. I thought his message said he'd be here."
After eyeing the stranger for hints of weapons, Emily opened the door a bit wider and said, "Well, come on in; you can use our phone if you need to." The younger woman thanked Emily and stepped inside. Emily, who wasn't quite careless enough to introduce herself, begged the girl's pardon for the music drifting down the stairs--some Canadian guy jamming about a boat that sank on Lake Michigan--and said that there were males in the house, as though that should be explanation enough.
The wildly dressed girl swept off her hat to allow glossy black pigtail braids to fall until they swung at the base of her rib cage. Her skin was olive-toned, and her eyes were slightly slanted and didn't reveal a hint of her plot. As she stood in the foyer, she absently slipped her hands into her hip pockets. Emily started hunting for the cordless phone, and the young woman looked surreptitiously around the foyer.
It only took her a moment to spot it--first one, then another and another; she had stopped hoping to catch him, so this was a pleasant possibility. Her eyes widened with every one she saw, and she began actively searching for more, knowing that the few out in the open might be nothing more than coincidence. Finally she gently opened the door to the coat closet, which accidentally overbalanced a box overflowing with Pez containers! She stepped back and laughed to herself, knowing that she had finally found her prey. As Emily came back to investigate the clatter, the smaller woman smiled, looked up the stairs, and shouted, "Jarod! You little monster, I've got you! And what is this, this chick being here? You're cheating on me! After all we've been through, you're cheating on me with her? You're dead, Jarod! You hear me? Dead!"
Emily backed away a few steps, reaching for the shotgun nestled under the stairs, but her hand never got there. Suddenly Jarod was on the stairs, gazing down in shock and.... grinning! The girl looked satisfied with herself but a bit perturbed. He came down the stairs, gripped her upper arms, and looked hard at her. She reached up and popped out a pair of colored contacts, revealing green eyes; with a devious grin, she intoned, "Gotcha!" He touched her hair, fingering it gently, and then suddenly gave it a savage tug. His sister watched, stunned, as the black pigtails slithered to the floor to reveal pinned russet hair, and Jarod's thumbs massaged the girl's cheekbones, which were suddenly freckled as her makeup wiped away.
"You little sneak," he said with a grin. "You came looking for me when you knew it was risky. I'm glad you're here, but I think you should know that you were very nearly a pin cushion."
The girl finished wiping off her makeup with a tissue from her pocket, wrinkled her brow, and said, "Huh?"
He said, "My, uh, girl here was going for the shotgun. She's very territorial, you know."
The girl scowled. "I was right! You are cheating on me with her!"
Emily looked at her, then, still not knowing who the girl was but willing to play along, gave Jarod a glare and said, "Yeah! And you're cheating on me with her! I'm so hurt!!"
He looked at Emily and adopted his best consoling aire. "Oh, honey, you know I could never really cheat on you. You're my favorite girl!"
The redhead gasped and stomped her foot. "Jarod.... whatever your middle name is.... whatever your last name is! How could you? I thought I was your favorite girl!" He turned back to her, enjoying the game. "You are. Well, you are whenever she's not around."
Emily was tapping her foot. "Oh, she is, is she? What about when she's not around, huh?"
Jarod pouted. "Aw, Em, you're not really gonna be like that, are you? Can't you two share the love? C'mon, you don't have to fight; there's enough of me to go around!" Both women gave identical gasps of stunned offence and whopped him in the arms. Jarod ducked and grinned. "'Caught between two women/ enough to make you drool/ and all I know is/ I'm makin' up the rules.'" Only Jarod could rewrite and resing a song so badly in such a short amount of time.
The redhead said, "You're such an idiot, Jarod."
Emily snickered and said, "Yeah, they had to have a couple of boneheads before they finally did it right and came out with me! Oh, but don't worry, hon, I'll be sure to fill you in, since we'll be sharing him and all. I can tell you all about how to deal with him when he's in full bonehead mode."
Jarod put on an exaggerated look of injured pride. "Em, you wound me! How could you be so cruel? Oh, yeah, I get it; we share a razor, so we must cut each other."
The redhead looked from one to the other and back for a few seconds, digesting the last few statements. Then, suddenly, her jungle green eyes widened and lit up, and she said, "Em? Share a razor? Oh, my Lord, you must be Emily!!"
Emily nodded, looking vaguely pleased. "Yep, guilty as charged."
The redhead shrieked and threw her arms around Emily. "Oh, I'm so glad you finally found him... or he found you... or.... oh, I don't care who did what; it's just fantastic to see you two together finally!!!!"
About the time Emily squeezed the petite woman, deciding she liked her, whoever she was, the front door opened and a gravelly voice said, "Did I hear someone say that someone did something? Okay, what was it and who broke it?"
The redhead suddenly released Emily and threw herself at Major Charles with another shriek. He chuckled and caught her. "It's nice to see you again, too, sweetpea! Are these kids of mine giving you any trouble? 'Cause you know, if they are, you can always shmack 'em. The way I see it, you have more right to whoop Jarod than I do, and that's sayin' something."
Emily's eyes slowly rounded as she put it together. "You're Zoe, aren't you? Oh, I've heard so much about you! This one, he never goes more than a couple of minutes without mentioning you. And Dad, well, I think he's secretly got a thing for you, too." The two women embraced again and laughed. Zoe's exuberance was contagious.
After another minute or so of excited chatter, a young man with brown hair wondered into the foyer from the back of the house, rubbing his ears. "Hey," he said, "I really hate to interrupt the party, but some of us are trying to work back there, so would you mind dialing down the.... girliness for awhile? Thanks."
Jarod leaned over and ruffled the man's hair (there were advantages to being taller and stronger.) "Aw, Ethan, chill; they may look scary now, but I promise you, bud, in a few years when you finally hit puberty, you'll like girls."
The whole group laughed at this. Ethan clapped sarcastically, then reached in when Jarod was off his guard and danced his fingers around his brother's ribs (there were advantages to being smaller and faster, too.) He danced out of the way of Jarod's elbow and grinned.
Zoe looked at Ethan happily. He waved a hand at her and said, "Oh, no, please, don't shriek for me. I'm much too modest for that."
She giggled and said, obviously totally joking, "Hey, cool! I've always wanted to meet you! Hey, everybody, look--it's the UnaBomber!"
Ethan ran a hand through his fine (and therefore now hopelessly tangled) hair and looked sheepish. "Heh. Well, actually, I'm more the Un-bomber. But don't worry--I will be signing autographs later. If you don't mind them in accelerant, that is."
Zoe blew that off with her hands. "Oh, phsh; ink, gasoline, tequila--man, whatever works for you."
"Okay, then," Ethan said thoughtfully, then gave her a calculating look, "I'll make you a deal: I'll autograph a hundred-dollar bill and give it to you, if you'll help me with a little something."
A mischievous look dawned in Zoe's green eyes as she grinned. "Okay, I'm game. What do you want me to do?"
Ethan crossed the little cluster of people and, looking slyly in Jarod's direction, whispered something in Zoe's ear. When he was finished, she straightened up and her eyes grew exponentially. She fixed Ethan with a shocked expression as she sputtered something like, "You--you--little--you-- brat--you--!" Then a molten grin spread across her face; she glanced at Jarod, who was looking a little worried, and bit her lip. Zoe met Ethan's eyes again, took a deep breath, and chuckled, "You're on!"
Jarod, now a whole lot worried, gasped, turned, and ran as Zoe and Ethan bolted toward him.
