Table of Contents [Report This]
Disclaimer: The characters Miss Parker, Sydney, Jarod, Broots etc. and the fictional Centre, are all property of MTM, TNT and NBC Productions and used without permission. I'm not making any money out of this and no infringement is intended.
Revelations
by Laura W.
I'm still here.
Still alive.
I try to remind myself of that everytime I look in the mirror.
I live in a house that I own. I have a well paying job with "benefits". I can go on vacation whenever I want and not feel bad.
As long as I have to sell my soul first.
That's how it is at the Centre.
I go to my job, do their bidding and turn a blind eye to all the evil I see. I know that I should leave this place. Run away as fast as I can and never look back. I deserve better. I know that. I know.
But I can't leave.
Too many things are tied into it.
My history.
My family.
The truth.
I don't think that I'll be able to fully understand the truth once it comes out. Hopefully it will soon and then I will be able to live a normal life.
But then again I'm not normal.
Not even close.
You call being normal hiding behind a facade? Acting in a certain manner so you won't be considered weak in their eyes? Knowing that if you step out within the boundaries you can be terminated? Discovering information so severe that it can put your life in jeopardy?
You think I don't know these things?
It doesn't help that Jarod is constantly throwing these issues in my face. Deep down inside, I know that he is correct on the subject. I put the blinders on and pretend it doesn't exist.
"How can you still trust him?"
He asked me this when we were together in Florida. We were stuck in hurricane Cassandra with a madman. The question was clear. I could have answered him at any given time. I didn't reply to it because I already knew the answer.
I don't trust him.
I don't trust my father.
Time and time again, Jarod has shown me the way and I refuse to acknowledge it. He lied to me about Fenigore. I knew he lied to me about Thomas. I could tell. He had that look in his eyes that I recognized when I was younger.
We were at the house and one of Momma's dishes broke. He told me we weren't going to tell her. It'd be our secret. I remember him looking her straight in the face and deliberately lie to her. He had the exact look in his eyes then as he did now.
I wanted to say "What do you want me to do? Turn my back on my family? He's all I have left."
That was true until I found out about Ethan and Lyle. Those two, the baby and my father are my family. As much as I distrust Lyle, I can't kill him.
Ain't that a bitch?
Oh...Jarod.
He is the thorn in my side. As much as I'd love to hate him I can't. He is still my conscience. He reminds me of the good in myself that I thought was gone. He let me feel what it was to be happy again by introducing me to Thomas. I have never forgiven him for setting me up like that. He has no right to try to control me. I think this is one of the reasons why the pursuit of him makes me feel better about myself. I get to control the situation. I am the leader of the hunt.
Damn it if it don't feel good.
In the end, I do feel guilty for contributing to him not having a real life. It's not fair what they did to him when he was in the Centre. I was too young to understand it myself. It wasn't until I saw the DSA's when I was older did I realize what happened. I hate Raines for what he did to Jarod. I hate my father for keeping him here and making me choose between Jarod's freedom and mine. I hated Sydney for knowing all this and still treating it as a thing of the past. I also resented Syd for being there for Jarod when I had no one. Jarod may have been locked away but at least he had someone who cared for him all the time. I can't tell you how many times Daddy even bothered to check on me when I was at school.
Momma's gone.
Daddy has no disappeared. Oh, I'm sorry...my supposed father is gone.
Thomas is dead.
Ethan is not around.
The baby....lord only knows where he is.
Raines is in charge with Lyle as a kissass.
Syd and Broots are with me, but they're too afraid to do anything now with the wheezing tank on the loose.
And Jarod...where are you now?
It's not fair.
It's not.
It doesn't matter though.
I don't think it ever will.
Revelations
by Laura W.
I'm still here.
Still alive.
I try to remind myself of that everytime I look in the mirror.
I live in a house that I own. I have a well paying job with "benefits". I can go on vacation whenever I want and not feel bad.
As long as I have to sell my soul first.
That's how it is at the Centre.
I go to my job, do their bidding and turn a blind eye to all the evil I see. I know that I should leave this place. Run away as fast as I can and never look back. I deserve better. I know that. I know.
But I can't leave.
Too many things are tied into it.
My history.
My family.
The truth.
I don't think that I'll be able to fully understand the truth once it comes out. Hopefully it will soon and then I will be able to live a normal life.
But then again I'm not normal.
Not even close.
You call being normal hiding behind a facade? Acting in a certain manner so you won't be considered weak in their eyes? Knowing that if you step out within the boundaries you can be terminated? Discovering information so severe that it can put your life in jeopardy?
You think I don't know these things?
It doesn't help that Jarod is constantly throwing these issues in my face. Deep down inside, I know that he is correct on the subject. I put the blinders on and pretend it doesn't exist.
"How can you still trust him?"
He asked me this when we were together in Florida. We were stuck in hurricane Cassandra with a madman. The question was clear. I could have answered him at any given time. I didn't reply to it because I already knew the answer.
I don't trust him.
I don't trust my father.
Time and time again, Jarod has shown me the way and I refuse to acknowledge it. He lied to me about Fenigore. I knew he lied to me about Thomas. I could tell. He had that look in his eyes that I recognized when I was younger.
We were at the house and one of Momma's dishes broke. He told me we weren't going to tell her. It'd be our secret. I remember him looking her straight in the face and deliberately lie to her. He had the exact look in his eyes then as he did now.
I wanted to say "What do you want me to do? Turn my back on my family? He's all I have left."
That was true until I found out about Ethan and Lyle. Those two, the baby and my father are my family. As much as I distrust Lyle, I can't kill him.
Ain't that a bitch?
Oh...Jarod.
He is the thorn in my side. As much as I'd love to hate him I can't. He is still my conscience. He reminds me of the good in myself that I thought was gone. He let me feel what it was to be happy again by introducing me to Thomas. I have never forgiven him for setting me up like that. He has no right to try to control me. I think this is one of the reasons why the pursuit of him makes me feel better about myself. I get to control the situation. I am the leader of the hunt.
Damn it if it don't feel good.
In the end, I do feel guilty for contributing to him not having a real life. It's not fair what they did to him when he was in the Centre. I was too young to understand it myself. It wasn't until I saw the DSA's when I was older did I realize what happened. I hate Raines for what he did to Jarod. I hate my father for keeping him here and making me choose between Jarod's freedom and mine. I hated Sydney for knowing all this and still treating it as a thing of the past. I also resented Syd for being there for Jarod when I had no one. Jarod may have been locked away but at least he had someone who cared for him all the time. I can't tell you how many times Daddy even bothered to check on me when I was at school.
Momma's gone.
Daddy has no disappeared. Oh, I'm sorry...my supposed father is gone.
Thomas is dead.
Ethan is not around.
The baby....lord only knows where he is.
Raines is in charge with Lyle as a kissass.
Syd and Broots are with me, but they're too afraid to do anything now with the wheezing tank on the loose.
And Jarod...where are you now?
It's not fair.
It's not.
It doesn't matter though.
I don't think it ever will.
