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Author: Mary Eve Parker
Summary: Response for Mickey’s “Thought Challenge”: Miss Parker is sitting in front of an open fire. What is she doing? Describe her thoughts, her feelings and her surroundings.
Spoiler: IOTH
Note: a little based on “One Day I will fly away” in my favorite version by Nicole Kidman
One Day I’ll Fly Away
I was sitting here in front of the open fire place in my own, silent house. It was a day like every other, and I was alone like every other day too. Just sitting here, in thoughts, not knowing how to stay alive another day. The loneliness was killing me and since Thomas was gone, no man had been that lovely and patient with me. Everybody always wanted only sex, but this life had ended with his death and now I am here, lonely and not even drunken.
For years I had been casing Jarod, for years men only were a toy for me, just played with them, let them give me what they had and that was it. But today I see that this couldn’t have been everything.
Its cold in the room, cold because of the small fire or cold because nobody was there to hug me to comfort me. I don’t need a lover, just a person who cares deeply for me.
Jarod had always been there for me when I needed him but since Ocee’s many things have changed and he hadn’t phoned me within a couple of weeks, not only once and this deepens my loneliness even more.
I have never really had any family, not a little since mum was dead. She had died and the family feeling with her and the whole institution of family is gone. So many things died with her.
[Holding a picture of Mrs. Parker in her hands, slowly brushing over it, tears in Parkers eyes]
To many things were gone with her, all the love. And than Thomas was the first person who could give me what I needed. Many people thought men were only in my life because of sex. But sex was just an excuse to be hold once, and if not for long – it had been enough.
I wasn’t a person easy to love, I know that but what shall I do. The Centre, the whole evil company had built this person up who I am now and Jarod is the only one who knows the real little girl I once have been, he is the only person who can bring her back.
[started to cry ]
One day I will fly away and let all this behind me. Once day I will fly away to be what I ever wanted to be. One day I will be gone forever, and nobody will know where I will be, nobody – except Jarod. I couldn’t live without him; he was always there and will always be, just to know that he knows where I am comforts me.
But the loneliness is hard. Being alone, having nobody to talk to – is the hardest thing in life and I am into it. I can’t escape. Not yet. To many things have to be revealed before I can go, to many dark secrets still exist, to many things I have to know before I can leave all this to yesterday. Before I can leave all this to yesterday, many things have to be said. Many things have to be done.
One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?
One day everybody will be gone, and I will be standing here alone. Nobody will care what I do, nobody will know where I am, not even me.
Jarod is the only one who knows me, and knows to bring me back to life.
We nearly kissed at Ocee’s. I am not sure what would have happened if she wouldn’t have disturbed us. I have waited for that moment my whole life, all the time since I saw him the first time, when I came back from boarding school. So many things we’ve been sharing, and he never forgot one. Not even one of my birthday since he is gone, gone from the Centre.
My whole life changed, since this day. He had left me there in this evil place, gone forever. He had left me there, and they had decided to let me chase him, day by day for a couple of years now. We’ve been through so many things together and I couldn’t live without him anymore, but what shall I do? He is gone, we cant be together – but one day I will fly away and see what happens than.
One day I will fly away, and he will be next to me. He will be the only one. I have waited to feel his lips on mine for so long but it shouldn’t happen – Ocee came in. I thought about this moment every free moment I had since I am back. He had called me, once – never since this one time. I am waiting, more than that, nearly begging to hear his voice, to know that he is fine.
One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?
I don’t have family left or something else, everything is gone, everybody I’ve ever loved is gone, decided that it is better to stay without me, that it would be saver. And it is. Everybody I ever loved is dead and I am not sure what Jarod is. He hadn’t been around for weeks and I am really scared that something could have happened. That Lyle could have done something.
Not even my job makes fun anymore, not that it really ever had but just seeing Jarod for a couple of seconds had been enough to comfort me, to know that he is well, that nothing had happened to him. This was just enough for me and I was glad that there hasn’t ever happened something during the years that I was doing my job more than worse. I could have killed him more than once, but he knows that I couldn’t do that, never could. He was too important for me, the only person in my life who was able to comfort me, the rest has decided to leave me alone long ago.
Thomas – when I think about him, tears came up my eyes and slowly make their way down my cheeks. He had given me one of the most wonderful moments in my life, till the Centre got involved. And again the Centre had decided that it would be better if I wouldn’t be in love – like they always did.
Mom – has gone so long ago. The only person who was able to give me a little comfort was Jarod during this time. I see his lovely eyes in front of me when I think about this moment, long ago.
Till the moment the days I go to see her at the graveyard are the hardest. Till the moment I am not able to go out on her anniversary, till the moment the only thing I can do on this day is get drunken as fast as possible to get over this day. I can’t do anything, just sit here like today, the anniversary day, and think about everything the Centre had taken from me.
But today I am not drunk; today I am more down on earth than most of the rest of the year. I haven’t drunken a draught today.
*And you know mommy, that one day I will fly away, leave all this to yesterday to come to see you there somewhere. Wherever you are.*
Day are coming and going and nothing ever happens. Nobody is smiling, nobody is happy – who shall the people me able to smile – the Centre had stolen this long ago from them.
[Tightening the quilt a little more around her small shoulders]
Everybody knows that the day will come, the day I cave in and it will not take much longer this day will be here.
And than I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?
~~~ FIN ~~~
ms.parker@gmx.at
Summary: Response for Mickey’s “Thought Challenge”: Miss Parker is sitting in front of an open fire. What is she doing? Describe her thoughts, her feelings and her surroundings.
Spoiler: IOTH
Note: a little based on “One Day I will fly away” in my favorite version by Nicole Kidman
I was sitting here in front of the open fire place in my own, silent house. It was a day like every other, and I was alone like every other day too. Just sitting here, in thoughts, not knowing how to stay alive another day. The loneliness was killing me and since Thomas was gone, no man had been that lovely and patient with me. Everybody always wanted only sex, but this life had ended with his death and now I am here, lonely and not even drunken.
For years I had been casing Jarod, for years men only were a toy for me, just played with them, let them give me what they had and that was it. But today I see that this couldn’t have been everything.
Its cold in the room, cold because of the small fire or cold because nobody was there to hug me to comfort me. I don’t need a lover, just a person who cares deeply for me.
Jarod had always been there for me when I needed him but since Ocee’s many things have changed and he hadn’t phoned me within a couple of weeks, not only once and this deepens my loneliness even more.
I have never really had any family, not a little since mum was dead. She had died and the family feeling with her and the whole institution of family is gone. So many things died with her.
[Holding a picture of Mrs. Parker in her hands, slowly brushing over it, tears in Parkers eyes]
To many things were gone with her, all the love. And than Thomas was the first person who could give me what I needed. Many people thought men were only in my life because of sex. But sex was just an excuse to be hold once, and if not for long – it had been enough.
I wasn’t a person easy to love, I know that but what shall I do. The Centre, the whole evil company had built this person up who I am now and Jarod is the only one who knows the real little girl I once have been, he is the only person who can bring her back.
[started to cry ]
One day I will fly away and let all this behind me. Once day I will fly away to be what I ever wanted to be. One day I will be gone forever, and nobody will know where I will be, nobody – except Jarod. I couldn’t live without him; he was always there and will always be, just to know that he knows where I am comforts me.
But the loneliness is hard. Being alone, having nobody to talk to – is the hardest thing in life and I am into it. I can’t escape. Not yet. To many things have to be revealed before I can go, to many dark secrets still exist, to many things I have to know before I can leave all this to yesterday. Before I can leave all this to yesterday, many things have to be said. Many things have to be done.
One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?
One day everybody will be gone, and I will be standing here alone. Nobody will care what I do, nobody will know where I am, not even me.
Jarod is the only one who knows me, and knows to bring me back to life.
We nearly kissed at Ocee’s. I am not sure what would have happened if she wouldn’t have disturbed us. I have waited for that moment my whole life, all the time since I saw him the first time, when I came back from boarding school. So many things we’ve been sharing, and he never forgot one. Not even one of my birthday since he is gone, gone from the Centre.
My whole life changed, since this day. He had left me there in this evil place, gone forever. He had left me there, and they had decided to let me chase him, day by day for a couple of years now. We’ve been through so many things together and I couldn’t live without him anymore, but what shall I do? He is gone, we cant be together – but one day I will fly away and see what happens than.
One day I will fly away, and he will be next to me. He will be the only one. I have waited to feel his lips on mine for so long but it shouldn’t happen – Ocee came in. I thought about this moment every free moment I had since I am back. He had called me, once – never since this one time. I am waiting, more than that, nearly begging to hear his voice, to know that he is fine.
One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?
I don’t have family left or something else, everything is gone, everybody I’ve ever loved is gone, decided that it is better to stay without me, that it would be saver. And it is. Everybody I ever loved is dead and I am not sure what Jarod is. He hadn’t been around for weeks and I am really scared that something could have happened. That Lyle could have done something.
Not even my job makes fun anymore, not that it really ever had but just seeing Jarod for a couple of seconds had been enough to comfort me, to know that he is well, that nothing had happened to him. This was just enough for me and I was glad that there hasn’t ever happened something during the years that I was doing my job more than worse. I could have killed him more than once, but he knows that I couldn’t do that, never could. He was too important for me, the only person in my life who was able to comfort me, the rest has decided to leave me alone long ago.
Thomas – when I think about him, tears came up my eyes and slowly make their way down my cheeks. He had given me one of the most wonderful moments in my life, till the Centre got involved. And again the Centre had decided that it would be better if I wouldn’t be in love – like they always did.
Mom – has gone so long ago. The only person who was able to give me a little comfort was Jarod during this time. I see his lovely eyes in front of me when I think about this moment, long ago.
Till the moment the days I go to see her at the graveyard are the hardest. Till the moment I am not able to go out on her anniversary, till the moment the only thing I can do on this day is get drunken as fast as possible to get over this day. I can’t do anything, just sit here like today, the anniversary day, and think about everything the Centre had taken from me.
But today I am not drunk; today I am more down on earth than most of the rest of the year. I haven’t drunken a draught today.
*And you know mommy, that one day I will fly away, leave all this to yesterday to come to see you there somewhere. Wherever you are.*
Day are coming and going and nothing ever happens. Nobody is smiling, nobody is happy – who shall the people me able to smile – the Centre had stolen this long ago from them.
[Tightening the quilt a little more around her small shoulders]
Everybody knows that the day will come, the day I cave in and it will not take much longer this day will be here.
And than I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday!
What more could your love do for me, when will love be through with me?
Why live life from dream to dream and dread the day when dreaming ends?
~~~ FIN ~~~
ms.parker@gmx.at
