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This came out of what originally was a poetry challenge on the Patrick Bauchau Yahoo Group (and later morphed into writing poems or messages for Patrick for Christmas). I literally woke up one morning with the first part in my head, so I figured I'd better put aside my usual loathing of writing and finish it. It was written in the latter part of November 2000, before "The Pretender 2001" had aired on TNT.
Do not archive without the prior, written permission of the author (that would be me).

I don't own the characters of Jarod, Sydney, Miss Parker, et al; no infringement is intended from their use in this poem. "The Pretender" and its characters belong to 20th Century Fox TV, NBC and Imagiquest Entertainment.


By Deb 'Patrickphile'

Lyle and Cox and Raines, oh my
Are three evil men, and by the by
Don't forget Parker, the man in charge
Of the Centre so powerful and large

He's Mr. Duplicity, as Jarod would say
All four of these men can find a way
To make life miserable for those around
A nastier quartet may never be found

Broots is a good guy, he's always true blue
To Miss P and Sydney, and of course, Debbie too
He is the king of all the techies
(Somehow I see him as a big Trekkie)

A boy named Timmy used to be there
But Raines fried his brain and now Timmy's nowhere
He became Angelo, a sweet man-child
Who feels what you feel, most all of the while

Miss Parker often feels sad inside
Because of the Centre and all of its lies
She misses her mother and Tommy you see
Both were killed in Centre mysteries

Brigitte killed Thomas, we know that now
Someone up high would not allow
Miss Parker to leave and get a life
She couldn't become the carpenter's wife

Jarod is sad inside as well
He grew up in the Centre, a place of Hell
He's often angry and likes to play pranks
On both those he cares for and those he hates

The Centre stole him from his family
He really had no one except for Sydney
An emotional umbilical exists between them
We hope they'll admit it, but who can say when

Sydney has demons all of his own
He often feels guilty and all alone
I think that Syd is afraid to show
The love he feels for those he knows

He's lost so many before you see
His parents, Jacob, Michelle and CP
And Claudia too, whom they told him was dead
But they were just playing inside of his head

Let's not forget our boys Willie and Sam
The best Centre sweepers in all of the land
And Gar the cleaner who worked for Raines
But now they say only his hand remains

And then there's Michelle and Nick and poor Kyle
Jarod's kid brother killed by Mr. Lyle
Ben Miller is around somewhere they say
We only can hope to see him again one day

Ethan's the new kid, a mixed up guy
Another of Raines' little projects, oh my
It seems he hears voices inside of his head
Of Catherine and others we THINK may be dead

These are the folks of the Centre, a place
So twisted and dark is that vast space
An evil den extending deep underground
To Sublevel 27 and all around

We watched every week, we tuned in to see
The folks at the Centre and all its intrigues
Then NBC screwed us and took it away
But now we've got TNT -- Hurray!

So watch next year and you shall learn
The beginning of all of these twists and turns
Jarod, our Stooges and the evil ones too
Will return to TV thanks to all of you

Thank you for all that you've done so far
Now keep writing and talking about all the stars
Tell everyone to tune in, the ratings will tell
If we get more movies, and all will be well.


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