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Unwritten
by Mareen


It was a hard year for me.

Since that day Fenigore said my father killed Catherine Parker, my world seemed to be turned upside down.

All these years, when I knew my parents were dead, and then, when I knew, I had been stolen from them, these believes had been something to hold on to.

It was like my own religion.

There was the Centre and then there was my family. Black and white. Bad and Good.

It was all so easy.

And then, Fenigore said, my father killed Catherine Parker and with saying that, he killed something inside of me, too.

My innocence. My believe. My religion.

And I will never forget that look in Miss Parker`s eyes. That look, as if I betrayed her, and I became aware, that like for me, the innocence of my family had become something she had depended on, too.

What I had told her about my family, the past, had made her believe in the concept of family and trust again.

Miss Parker had trusted in me somehow, she had trusted in the only thing innocent, she ever knew. And when Fenigore named my father, she felt like the only thing secure in her life had been a lie just like everything else. She was so angry that moment. And I can't forget the expression of betrayal in her eyes.

And I wanted to get away from that look and what Fenigore had said. I wanted to get away from it all.

So I started to run, and I didn't stop running for a whole year.

The last year was a dark year.

I shut everyone out. Sydney...Miss Parker.

I still talked to them. But I had changed that much, that it always felt as if there was a wall between us.

An impregnable wall of sadness and the feeling of betrayed trust in everything I ever believed in.

They weren't responsible for it. *I* wasn't responsible either.

I wished there *had* been someone I could have made responsible. It would have been easier. But my father was vanished and only thing left to do for me, was trying to find him. Everything on my mind, was that.

So I went on hunting and I punished people who hurt other people, like my father had maybe done. If I wasn't able to punish my father because I couldn't find him, I could still punish others. It's not a very morale thing to do, but I couldn't stop myself either.

So I did things I would have never done before Fenigore said my father killed Catherine Parker. I did things I would have never done... And some of the things weren't better than what the people did I brought to justice.

What was I thinking, when I stole a man's kidney?

What was I thinking, when I made Lyle believe I was going to execute him?

By some people's standards...who were my standards once, too...a faked execution is falling under "torture".

Torture.

I would have never done something like that.

What was I thinking.

But then I met my father. And he told me what happened.

And I suddenly felt so free.

I could exhale again. I wasn't even aware I couldn't do that anymore after Fenigore. But when my father told me the truth, the pressure I had felt was suddenly gone and I could exhale again.

I am surrounded now, by my enemies, who aren`t my *real* enemies.

The enemy lies within everyone of us. It's the loss of trust, the loss of everything you believe in and by that, the loss of your own self. I lost that a year ago.

But I have it back now.

It's time to free myself from all the things that hunted me for the past one year.

I have other things to take care of. I have to save. I need to heal at last, myself and Miss Parker.

There is no guilt anymore and no betrayal, nothing that could darken the future and make me prisoner of it. And whatever may lay ahead of me, I can live with it, because I have my believes back, my trust. Because I stopped thinking about nothing else but finding my father. The future is free now, it's unwritten again.

So somehow I don't feel like surrounded by enemies.

Somehow I feel very free right now.


The End.









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