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DISCLAIMER: This story features the characters of the dramatic television series "The Pretender" which are the property of MTM Entertainment and NBC Productions. Other allusions are credited to Paramount's Star Trek and Lucasfilm's Star Wars. No infringement intended. Another parody and spoof...this time of Season Two. Enjoy! Rated G.


THE PRETENDER WARS


by Leah
Copyright 1998






Long long ago, in a galaxy far, far away (Oops! Wrong channel) Once again in Blue Cove, Delaware we take up the story of that Empire known as the Centre and the evil emperor Mr. Lyle (who through unseen Tower connections had himself promoted from king to emperor). With his blonde sidekick Brigitte he was making everyone work overtime including the hound dog named Miss Parker, the former keeper named Sydney and their faithful companion with the ability to speak the language of computers dubbed with the title of Mr. Broots. (Add this intrepid team up and what do you get?? The three stooges.)

And why did the emperor order this unseemly overworked and underpaid policy? All in their quest to find Jarod...the one it was foretold could end it all for Emperor Lyle. (Not to mention it was Centre law.)

Meanwhile, Jarod was still trying to find his parents and he had finally completed his training in being a Pretender...it was a trial and error course. He went to the wise Yodda and discovered Spiderman comics, ice cream was STILL good, Catherine Parker's diary, and to never ever underestimate the bad guy because you might get konked over the head and end up with an episode of amnesia. OUCH!

Mr. Parker and King Raines used the force of 10 million dollars to oust Emperor Lyle from his throne, while the sidekick Brigitte decided to do away with Mr. Parker. Still believing that Miss Parker could be turned from the forces of evil to the forces of good, Jarod Skywalker warns her of the plot and she quickly puts that to an end. However, Mr. Parker now wants ex-emperor Lyle to be done away with and that job falls into the hands of Princess Parker and thus Jarod's hopes are dashed as she carries out her orders, swearing allegiance to the Centre Empire which is controlled by the Triumvirate.

And now for the thrilling climax....

NARRATOR: Beam them in, Scotty!

Lyle, Kyle, Miss Parker, Sydney, Broots, and Jarod all end up in a backwater town of Arizona.

LYLE: *grinning* Surprise! And now Miss Parker, you see I'm quite alive and well. Because of my brilliant schemes I'm going to grab Jarod and make my way to controlling the entire Centre Empire. And why stop there? I could rule the world!

KYLE: I decide who lives or dies, I decide!

JAROD: No, Kyle. I've just shown you how good it is to help people. Remember?

KYLE: Oh yes! Sorry...force of habit.

MISS PARKER and BROOTS in unison: Doesn't anyone really die anymore?

SYDNEY: *shrugging* Apparently not.

Then, in a sudden flash of TV magic, Fenigore appears.

ALL: IGOR!

FENIGORE: Don't shoot! Don't shoot!

But he is too late. Shots are fired. Kyle is hit. Lyle is hit. Fenigore is hit.

But the Centre does an excellent cleanup job and Fenigore is contained, Emperor Lyle disappears once more, and Kyle is whisked away by Jarod to prove the value of his heart.

But who is the Man in the Dark Suit?

Darth Vader's voice from offstage: Jarod! I am your father. *laughter*

And here again we leave the Pretender to unravel the threads of this growing mystery. Live long and prosper and may the force be with you. :)









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