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a/n: I could not be doing this without the amazing Onisius, thankyou so much and to everyone reading, sorry this one took so long, will try to do better for my next update



Aftermath Pt 9


Major Charles’ Hotel Room


The trio made there way into another non-descript hotel room, but this one was larger, and had two beds. Jarod was doing his best to keep his cool and maintain a civil veneer. His father and the boy went about organising themselves and their breakfast with the ease of long practice.

“Jarod, I think it's time that we had a talk.” The Major continued with his breakfast preparations and Gem sat anxiously, waiting for Jarod's response.

Jarod remained standing in the doorway, watching the domestic scene in front of him. It was so ordinary, and yet so alien to him, and he felt very out of place. He briefly thought of slipping into a pretend to enable him to deal with it more comfortably. But he stopped himself, resenting the idea that he had to pretend in order to be with his own family. He never wanted to pretend again.

In the cold light of day, Jarod realised that some of his thoughts from the previous night seemed a little ridiculous. After sleeping through most of the journey, he felt much more in control of himself and much stronger, and he admitted to himself that perhaps he was being just a little paranoid. He looked at his father, trying to measure what he knew about his character against what he believed was a betrayal. But the sad truth was that he knew so little of his father and he no longer trusted his own ability to judge who was his friend and who was his foe. He had been so wrong about Sydney and Miss Parker and he couldn’t afford another mistake like that again. Reason told him that if the Major was indeed conspiring with The Centre, that it was unlikely that he would still be free. The idea of this being a sim seemed more than just a bit foolish, Cox would never risk allowing him outside of The Centre. But the soft, caressing voice of his friend Lyle, was urging him to be careful, not to trust too easily. When you trusted people, it was easier for them to hurt you, betray you.

Jarod finally moved from the doorway and sat down heavily, not looking at the boy or his father. The last few months of his imprisonment had taught him it was easier to do as he was told, to resist and fight cost too much. Jarod was no longer willing to pay the price for such resistance. He listened to his father, not really hearing what he was saying. It wasn’t until his father reached out and touched his arm that Jarod's attention focused on the conversation. He flinched from the touch before he could stop himself.

“Jarod, I know that you are in pain, I know that you are hurting, but I need you to talk to me. I need to understand, I need you to tell me what's going on in your heart and in your head. I don’t know how to help you. Jarod, please. You don’t need to go through this alone. We are your family, we’re here for you.”

Jarod had refused to look at his father during the speech, and he now felt the stinging in his eyes, but he fought the tears back. He would not let them see him cry. Where were they when he was alone in his cell? Alone with nothing but his own pain and misery for his company? He would not show them how weak he truly was. He moved away from his father’s touch, trying to find the words that his father wanted to hear. But he couldn’t talk about it, he hated the pity he saw in their eyes, hated the idea that they knew what had been done to him, knew what he had done, how he had sold himself. He couldn’t stand the shame of it. He didn’t want to be a victim anymore, helpless and powerless. But most of all, he hated how completely out of control his emotions were. He was finally free, but there was no joy, just emptiness and despair. He wanted things to be the way they were before. In all of his daydreams and fantasies of escape and rescue, he had never imagined feeling this way and he began to wonder if perhaps Cox had broken something inside of him that he would never be able to mend.

He wanted very badly to reach out to his father, allow him to comfort him and take away all his pain. He knew that’s what parents did with their children, kissed away the pain, and he wondered what it would feel like to have his fathers strong arms wrap around him. Would they be strong enough to wipe out the last 40 years? Would they fill the aching void in his life? But instead of reaching out, he just sat there, paralysed by fear.

He finally raised his eyes to look at his father. In a voice that was shaky with repressed emotion he asked, “What do you want from me?”

But the Major did not flinch from the question, and he did not look away from his son’s stare. He reached out and captured one of Jarod's hands, holding it, trying to communicate through that touch, all the things that were so hard to put into words. He could feel that Jarod wanted to snatch his hand out of his grip, but was resisting the urge. He let Jarod's hand go when he realised that Jarod had nothing more to say, and he could see the tension building in his arm, from the strain of not pulling from his grasp.

“It’s alright Jarod. Right now, I don’t want anything from you. In your own time.” He sighed as he turned his attention back to his breakfast.

Jarod knew he was lying, they all wanted something. They were always after something.

Gem had been watching them intently. He could see how much strain this was putting on his father and he fought down the anger at Jarod. He saw something dark and frightening in Jarod, something that he had never seen in him before. He rubbed his sore wrists and wondered if Jarod might truly hurt him. He would never have believed that before, but looking at Jarod now, he began to suspect if the old Jarod was truly lost to them. There seemed to be nothing left of the Jarod that he knew, his brown eyes, usually so soft, were hard and cruel now. And when he spoke, there was a hard edge to his voice, as if he were struggling to control something that was just hovering under the surface. Gem looked down at his food, his appetite no longer there, but forced himself to eat so that he wouldn’t add anything more to the long list of things that his father had to worry about.

They finished their breakfast in an awkward silence and then Jarod made his way to the bathroom to take a shower. Avoiding looking at himself in the mirror, Jarod hated the thought of his body now, he got into the stream of hot water, losing himself for a few long moments in the sheer physical sensation.

“You know he got the cure, you know he went astray…..astray…..astray”

The words came back to him, haunting, whispering, taunting, running around in his brain. Is that what he was now, astray? Lost? Beyond redemption?

As he lathered himself, he tried to ignore the words and the feel of the textured landscape on his chest and his back. He didn’t like to look at his chest, so he kept his eyes closed, again refusing to look in the mirror as he reluctantly stepped out to dry himself. He heard them talking through he wall and strained to listen.

Gem was sullenly pushing around the remains of his breakfast on his plate. He looked tired. The Major looked over at his son, wishing that he could make this easier on him. He wished for the hundredth time that he could send him to stay with Emily. But Emily took too many risks with herself, and the Major was not confident that they boy would be safe with her.

“I wish it was different son. But it will get better. I promise.”

“How can you promise?” Gem looked at his father. “He’s so different dad. He scares me. I know he doesn’t mean it, but……” He didn’t know how to continue, flushed with shame, “I’m sorry, he scares me.” He repeated himself.

Major Charles wanted to reassure him that everything would work out, and that Jarod would be back to his old self soon. But he had seen Jarod's mood swings, his quiet resentment and the hostility and jealousy that burned in his eyes. He knew that Jarod tried to hide it, but the Major had caught him looking at Gem a number of times with that look in his eyes. There was no evidence of that easy-going attitude, no evidence of that gentle spirit that was now buried deep underneath the damaged surface. The Major looked at the boy that should have been Jarod and admitted to himself for the first time that he was scared too. He was scared that Jarod would hurt Gem, but even more so, he was scared by what he had heard on the phone. It made him sick to think that Jarod could possibly contemplate turning Gem over to The Centre, even to save his own hide. The Jarod that he knew would die before he let anyone at The Centre come near Gem. He was beginning to fear that he may be forced to choose between them and he didn’t think that he was prepared to make that decision. How could he possibly?

“Gem, you know that Jarod would never hurt you. He is a good man son, he is just lost in a dark place now. But it won't last forever.” The Major had not told Gem about what he had overheard.

“I know that dad, and I want so badly for him to like me, and things to be good. I want us to be together, a family. I thought he wanted it too. It's not supposed to be like this. But something is really wrong. It's like it's not really him. Do you think that whatever they did to him….” he faltered, not knowing how to say it, not wanting to admit it, “….that it was so bad, that…..”

“NO!” The Major was adamant, but even to his own ears, his denial sounded empty. He was too tired for this, and he couldn’t believe that this could be happening. “Jarod will come back to us and it will all work out.” He had to believe this. The Major stood and hugged his son. He found that Gem often needed the reassurance of touch. For too long in his life he had been denied any human contact, and now he craved it. For too many years, the Major had felt the aching emptiness in his arms and his heart for his lost children.

Jarod came back into the room and watched as the boy disentangled himself from his father with a guilty look. Jarod knew he had been behaving badly, but he seemed unable to stop himself, and he seemed unable to say the apology that he knew they both deserved. Instead he sat down and stared at them both, daring them to say anything. Jarod finally had his family and he couldn’t believe how disappointed he was. All those years of longing and imagining how perfect it would be, but he shrugged it off as just another in a long list of disappointments that he had recently suffered.

They passed the day without another incident, and Gem started to visibly relax. There seemed to be no sign of Centre pursuit and the Major urged Gem to take a nap. The boy had barely had any sleep over the last two days, and it would give him a chance to have a proper talk with Jarod.

“Jarod, I know that you don’t want to talk, but frankly, I have to know what's going on with Lyle. I will not let you jeopardise our safety.” The Major said in a no non-sense tone.

“You mean his safety” Jarod nodded towards the sleeping boy.

The Major sighed. He didn’t want to have to do this, but he didn’t think that he had a choice. Jarod was resisting him every step of the way. The last few weeks of exhausting fear and frustration had taken their toll and the Major had lost patience.

“Yes Jarod, I do mean his safety. He is my son, as much as you are. You gave him to me, sacrificing yourself in the process. That was your decision and I will not allow you to make me feel guilty for letting that boy into my heart. But that doesn’t mean that you are any less important to me, I need you to understand that, he is not a threat to you, he is your brother.”

“He is not my brother. My brother was Kyle, and he was killed, or have you forgotten?” Jarod hissed. “He died because you never came for him.”

Major Charles looked at his son as if he had been slapped. How many times had he blamed himself for Kyle’s death? If only he had gotten there sooner, if only things had been different.

“NO! It was Lyle that killed your brother. That bastard you were talking to on the phone as if you were friends.” The Major seethed with anger. “Does Kyle mean so little to you that you can ally yourself with his murderer? Defend him to me?” Despite his attack on Jarod, he knew that Jarod was right. He was their father, it was his job to protect them, and he had failed miserably.

“And now you think everything is fine, you have your replacement son and……” Jarod started, ignoring his father’s words. He would not believe them. He could not believe them.

“Stop right there.” The cold fury in his father’s voice stopped Jarod in mid-sentence. Something snapped inside the Major. “Kyle is dead because Lyle killed him. It wasn’t your fault and it most certainly was not mine, and I will not have you talk about him like that. And as for Gem, he is your brother in every sense of the word and you will treat him accordingly or…”

“Or you’ll what? The Pretender was on his feet now, not even trying to control his anger anymore. “Punish me? Lock me in a cell, chain me to wall and beat me until I behave in a satisfactory manner?” The Major saw Jarod pale and for a moment Jarod stopped breathing. With a visible effort he shook the memory off. “Or maybe you can call YOUR friend Miss Parker. I am sure you can cut some kind of deal, if you haven’t already. Offer me to her and let the boy go free. Is that what you did with Catherine? Did you offer up me and Kyle so you could save yourself, your precious daughter?” Jarod’s furious eyes widened as his fevered brain made the next leap in the twisted logic. “Ohh god! Did mom know, did she agree?” during his rant he had started to pace, but as the implications of this new knowledge settled on him, he sunk back down into the chair, breathless, defeated again.

The Major was too stunned to speak for a moment. “Jarod I……..you must understand…I never…” He stood there watching his son as a burning anger filled him. How dare he accuse him of such things! How could he be so selfish? Did he truly believe that he was the only one that had suffered?

“I understand perfectly, dad. And the funny thing is, I don’t suppose I really blame you.” He said bitterly. His anger had burnt out, and now he was just left with the familiar emptiness. “He is your second chance after all. I bet when you look at him you can pretend that none of this ever happened. I am surprised you didn’t call him Jarod. I mean, after all, he is me, isn’t he? You can claim back all those lost years, but if you think I am just sitting here and waiting for you to call your friends…..”

“They are your friends too. Miss Parker was……”

“Miss Parker is not my friend.” It was barely a whisper. Even though he didn’t want to admit it, the pain of that loss sliced deep into his soul.

“Now you listen to me, as much as I hate to admit it, Miss Parker has been more of a friend to you than you could ever know.” The irony of defending Miss Parker was not lost on the Major.

Jarod was not going to sit here and listen to his father defend the woman that had condemned him, whose sole purpose in life was to destroy him. He could not believe the audacity of the man!

“Did you know that she shot me in the back and dragged me back to The Centre? She gave me to them.” Even now, after eight months and all he had been through, this was a truth that Jarod found very bitter.

Jarod was confident that his father would be shocked, but the Major just looked steadily back at him. Jarod should of expected it, but somewhere deep down, he had been hoping that his father had been duped, that he would never willingly work with them, not if he knew the whole truth.

“Well then, call her. She can bring me back again, make her father proud. My freedom is a small price to pay in the grand scheme of things. That’s really all I'm good for after all, to serve others ……”

“I have no inten……her father? Jarod, what are you talking about? I thought Mr Parker was dead.”

A triumphant smile lit up Jarod's face. So he didn’t know, she hadn’t told him.

“Let me disabuse you of your misguided notions. Her father is Raines. Ohh, I see she didn’t bother to share that fact with you. Did she tell you about the months of me hanging on, fighting with everything I had? Almost going crazy from the drugs and half out of my mind with pain? Did she tell you how, at the end, she buried a gun in my throat and threatened to kill me?” Jarod's hand flew up to the hollow at the base of his throat, remembering that moment. Remembering her cold brutality, remembering how he had searched in her eyes and found nothing but fury and hate.

The Major reeled from these revelations. He had always known that Sydney and Miss Parker had been holding back on him, but they had let him believe that they had not been involved in Jarod's torture.

“Don’t you presume to tell me who my friends are! I know exactly who my friends are, I know who stood by me, and who stood up for me, and who did everything to see me destroyed. You know nothing about it. How could you? You weren’t there! You’ve never been there. You can't know!” Jarod choked off a sob, his hands unconsciously massaging his wrists. All his life his father had never been there for him. Never.

The Major sat there in dumb silence, his heart breaking for his firstborn, who had suffered more than anyone should ever have to endure, and he had been helpless to stop any of it.

“Don’t you talk to him like that!” Gem had been woken by the raised voices, but he remained unnoticed as he watched with growing fear. But he was not going to sit idly by while Jarod ripped his father to shreds. “ I don’t care what you’ve been through, you’ve got no right to talk to him that way! For the last two months all he has done is think about you, never stopping, trying to find some way to get you out of that place. Do you think that this has been easy for us? I think you should show some gratitude.” Gem hissed in fury.

“Gem, please.” Major Charles turned to Gem, pleading with his eyes to stay out of this.

“No dad. It's not right. You risked your life to rescue him, twice. You don’t deserve to be treated like this. It's not fair.”

“It's not fair? You want to talk to me about what's fair?” Jarod barked out a harsh laugh. He got up and started pacing.

“Sit down!” the Major barked.

And much to Jarod's horror, he found himself doing just that. What a good little well-trained Pretender he was, so eager to obey anybody’s command. He was thoroughly disgusted with himself.

“Now, this is how it's going to be.” The Major ordered, slipping into full father mode. This was not a role he was familiar or comfortable with, but he had to stop this situation escalating. Neither of his sons had the emotional experience to deal with this situation. Hell, neither did he. “We are all tired, and our nerves are frayed. We have all said things that we don’t mean. Jarod, I want you to apologise to your brother. If it wasn’t for him, we never would have gotten you out of The Centre. He worked tirelessly to free you and deserves better from you.”

“No dad.” Gem was too angry to stop. For the last six weeks he had barely slept, thinking about rescuing Jarod had consumed him, and now that Jarod was here, he was treating them as if they were his enemies. Gem had tried hard to allow for Jarod’s state of mind, but he was not about to sit idly by and watch such a mean attack on his father.

“Jarod, you think you had it so bad? Why don’t you grow up!” Gem snapped. The pressure that had been building in him finally exploded. “Eight months under Raines huh? I spent my entire life living under the tender care of Mr Raines. You’re not the only ones with nightmares you know, and you don’t see me acting like you are. You know, you’re a real bastard! I can't believe that I wanted to be like you! Me and dad were doing just fine before you came back and I know you don’t really want to be here. Even before they caught you, you didn’t want anything to do with us, so why don’t you stop pretending that your family are the most important thing in the world, when we both know that’s just a load of crap. The only thing you care about is yourself!”

“Gem” The Major’s voice was low, he grabbed Gem and gently shook him. “That’s enough. Do you understand son, I said, that’s enough.”

Gem struggled to get his breathing back under control. He looked from his father to Jarod and spat out one last thing before he fell quiet.

“The whole world doesn’t revolve around you, you know!”

Jarod had heard enough. He got up and moved to the back of the room and picked up the boy’s notebook computer, and grabbed his cell phone. He did not speak.

“Jarod what are you doing? You can't leave, not like this. Please.”

Jarod spun around and walked towards his father, the computer tucked under one arm.

“I can leave and I will. We are not in The Centre and I do not belong to you. I don’t belong to anyone anymore. I do not follow orders any longer.” He held his scarred wrists out, offering them to his father in a gesture of surrender. “But unless you are willing to cuff me again.” Jarod sneered at his father. “I am going. I don’t need this, I wonder why I ever thought I did.”

“No Jarod, I am not going to make you stay here.” The pain of Jarod's words weighed him down, and there was no fight left in him. He wanted Jarod to stay, but things could not continue like this. It was too destructive. Jarod was out of control and was in obvious need of help, help that the Major didn’t know how to give. And Gem seemed to have fractured and was slowly falling apart, all of his self-confidence, so painstakingly built over the last two years, and Jarod seemed to have demolished it in two days.

“Hey! That’s mine! You can't take that!” Gem stood in fury when he saw that Jarod was planning to run off with his computer.

“Buy another one” Jarod growled, not even stopping, not looking back for even a moment.

The Major grabbed Jarod's arm in a crushing grip before he could reach the door. He looked him in the eyes and Jarod at least had the good grace to flush.

“Jarod, we need to work this out. You can’t leave now.” The Major pleaded. It couldn’t end like this. Not after all the years, all the pain, it just couldn’t.

Jarod ripped his arm out of his father’s grip and he paused with his hand on the door handle. He took a look at the two of them and turned and left without speaking.

The Major sat back down and put his head in his hands. He took out his own phone and with a heavy heart, he dialled Sydney. He was well out of his depth here and he needed help.

Gem ran out after Jarod, screaming his name in rage and frustration, he wanted his chance to vent his anger and he would not be denied by Jarod running away. Jarod was already walking along the roadside, trying to thumb a ride. When he got even with Jarod, he grabbed his arm and spun him around.

Jarod flinched and only just stopped himself from hitting the boy in a mixture of self defence and defiance. He did not want hands on him ever again.

“What more do you want from me? Isn’t it enough you have stolen my father? Stolen my life?” Jarod asked in despair. Gem had everything Jarod had always wanted, that should have been his, was rightfully his. As he looked at Gem, his jealousy and resentment grew. “You shouldn’t even exist.” He finally hissed out.

“For the last two years I have listened to stories about you. Jarod is such a good man, he is trying so hard to make right for all the wrong he was forced to do. All the good he has done…..Jarod this…Jarod that……” Gem scrunched up his nose in disgust, spitting out the words, all his insecurities fuelling his anger.

“But you know what? You are nothing but a selfish, self-indulged spoiled brat” Gem shouted out, his fists clenching and unclenching in impotent fury at his sides. “And to think I wanted to be just like you.” Gem trailed off in a tone of contempt that left no doubt that he no longer desired this.

Jarod could not believe it. Who was this kid to talk to him like that, after all he had been through?

“Selfish? Why you little bastard. I risked my life for you. I gave up my freedom for your safety. And I never wanted you to be like me, you are a freak! Go on back inside little boy, go run to daddy.” Jarod looked up to see the Major coming out from the hotel. His eyes fell back on gem, “You have YOUR father, and I have…..” he was about to say Sydney, but what came out was “…Lyle.”

“How can you defend that bastard?” Gem yelled at him in anger and confusion. “He killed Kyle and he tortured you! He would see us all back in The Centre if he had half a chance and don’t think I don’t know that you wouldn’t give me to him.”

Jarod’s eyes widened in shock.

Gem smiled triumphantly.

“You talk in your sleep.” He offered in way of explanation. “Ohh, I know all about your plan to give me up to your buddy.” But the look of triumph was gone now, replaced with a look of hurt and betrayal. The pain of the knowledge that Jarod was prepared to sell him was almost too much for him to bear. He had not told his father, for he knew it would break his heart.

The Major had reached the pair and held out a key ring. “Here Jarod” he said, offering the keys to Jarod.
“Hitchhiking is dangerous. We’ll get another car.”

Jarod took the keys and mumbled something that might have been a thankyou and headed off towards the van.

“Dad, you can't just……” Gem protested, although he was unsure why. Jarod was ripping them apart and destroying his father. But he was shocked that his father was so willing to let Jarod go. For the past two years, Gem had known that his father had loved him, but Jarod was always the priority, always seeming more important. But now Gem understood for the first time that he was at least as important as Jarod. Maybe more so.

“Hush” he went after Jarod, stopping him just before he got in the van.

“There is an email account on that computer. You can use it to contact us, or Sydney. It’s safe. Jarod, give yourself some time to heal, we will be here waiting for you when you are ready, please don’t forget that.” He pulled a reluctant Jarod into an embrace.

“Dad, I…” Jarod started, but didn’t know what to say. He wanted to stay, he wanted things to be the way that he had always thought they should be, but he was so out of control at the moment that he was scared about what he might do.

“I understand.” His father soothed. But he didn’t understand, he didn’t understand anything. And now he felt like his son was being stolen from him again. “You take as much time as you need. Remember, I love you Jarod.” the Major’s voice cracked, strained with emotion.

Tears pricked at the back of Jarod’s eyes as he climbed into the van. He forced them down, he would not allow them to weaken him. He needed to be strong if he was to survive. He may have lost everything, but he would not let them, any of them, destroy him completely.

Gem had snaked his way under his father’s arm, and as Jarod was driving away, the last thing he saw was Gem holding onto his father with a triumphant grin on his face, waving him goodbye.









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