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Disclaimer: Pretender characters are property of MTM, TNT, NBC, WB, Steve, Craig and all the others.
All The Games We Play
“If you change the story, the ending is up to you.”
This is a game
“This is a game, Jarod. Nothing more, nothing less. You run, I chase.”
[1, 2, 3, 4…]
“It’s more than a game,” he declares. “It’s our life.”
Like tag.
Running running
Away away
“What life?”
Being chased and chasing them.
Circle circle
Figure eight
Around and around
Hunter hunted
“It’s not a life, Parker it’s a life sentence.”
(TAG!)
You’re it.
[5, 6, 7, 8…]
“You make it sound like we have a choice.”
No, no, not like tag, not like tag at all.
Tag is for little kids with pigtails and ponies and toy trucks and red bikes. They play in large groups, not two at a time
At the park
Or playground
Or in their front yard
“The life we could have had… the life your mother tried to give you. We can still have it. Take it.”
It’s a happy game, with smiles and laughter
It’s safe.
Harmless.
“Ok.”
(Tag, you’re it!)
Until someone falls down.
[9, 10, 11, 12…]
Maybe like Tunnel, like tag, but not. There are times in the game when you freeze
Hold perfectly still
Watching as the game
(of life)
goes on around you
Maybe a little more like Tunnel
(Tag, not it!)
Until someone falls down
“Jarod!”
(Freeze!)
and skins their knee.
She aimed, she fired, she hit.
[13, 14, 15, 16…]
Hold very still.
Don’t even breathe.
“C’mon, Jarod breathe, damn you!” he cries, holding a heavy hand.
Can you spread your legs wider?
Thought so
“Is that what you want from me?”
Your friends have to crawl under you, between you, to unfreeze you.
Mom doesn’t like this game anymore.
(Tag, you’re free!)
Cause someone fell down
(Freeze!)
And skinned their knee
“What have you done, Miss Parker?”
(Momma…)
Hurts, doesn’t it?
“What have you done?”
[17, 18, 19, 20…]
We can’t play Tag anymore because it’s too much fun and we can’t play Tunnel cause Momma said no.
“It’s dangerous territory, Jarod. Tread lightly on her feelings; she doesn’t have that many left.”
What about jump rope?
(Cinderella, dressed in yella)
Her Daddy doesn’t like it
(went upstairs to kiss a 'fella)
Thinks his Angel shouldn’t be kissing no one at that age.
(by mistake)
His Angel doesn’t make mistakes
(she kissed a snake)
Rat
“What do you want from me, Jarod?”
(how many doctors)
My Angel’s fine, her Daddy says.
(did it take?)
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Poor Daddy, lost his Angel to a snake.
(Rat).
“Everything.”
[21, 22, 23, 24…]
Dodgeball, then. We’re all fast, and pretty good catchers.
“He was supposed to duck.”
I can catch a fly ball.
Throw it hard as you can.
Harder, harder.
Momma doesn’t like this game.
“What have you done?”
(Throw the ball)
she says it’s too violent.
(Catch a ball)
we’re far to young
(Sit out)
to be dodging balls.
“Why didn’t he duck?”
[25, 26, 27, 28…]
Swing.
“Stop playing with his emotions, Parker. He’s fragile, just like you.”
Swing
That’s what we’ll do from our tree house on a tire swing
We’ll fly higher, higher
Touch the stars
Until someone falls down
Then the stars are around your head.
“I am *not* fragile, Sydney.”
We aren’t allowed on the tire swing. It reminds Momma of her happy days.
(Remember when the days were young)
she doesn’t remember much
(and rolled beneath the deep blue sky)
only bits and pieces
(didn’t have a care in the world)
she remembers her momma
(with mommy and daddy standin’ by)
but only for a little while.
“Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me…”
[29, 30, 31, 32…]
Hopscotch.
2 feet
1 feet
2 feet
1 feet
that’s not really how you play.
“This isn’t the game, Jarod.”
1 foot all the way, switch when you get to 12, 1 foot all the way back, shoot and aim with your hopping foot and then you’re home free.
We like to play
2 feet
1 feet
2 feet
1 feet
“Yes it is.” He kisses her face, her throat, the back of her neck. “I’m just changing the rules.”
Her Daddy says that’s teaching us to cheat. He likes this game.
But we’re not allowed to play hopscotch either.
[33, 34, 35, 36…]
Ring around the rosies, a pocket full of posies, ashes ashes we all fall down.
Ring around in a figure eight
Your pocket full of wilted flowers (broken dreams)
ashes ashes
(the remains of your stars)
we all fall down.
“Get up, Jarod,” she thinks. “Get up and run. Run, Jarod, run.”
Down
Down
Down
Until we skin our knee and Momma makes us go inside.
No more rosies.
No more posies.
He stays perfectly still.
Momma looks like ashes.
[37, 48, 39, 40…]
Timmy got hit in the head with a soccer ball; we play kick the can.
“Good aim, Sis.”
Kick the can
Hard as you can.
Harder, harder.
“And which rules,” she asks breathlessly. “exactly are you changing?”
Aim, fire. Missed the goal.
(first one to the answers wins)
it’s not a game anymore.
(lives)
kick the can.
(kick bad habbits)
hard as you can
(smoking)
harder
(drinking)
harder
(chasing)
steal the can away.
“All of them.”
[41, 42, 43, 44…]
Cowboys and Indians was a favourite game.
We’d run around whooping and shooting imaginary bullets from our fingers.
And finger guns.
Aim.
Fire.
(Redskin!)
Momma didn’t like the nicknames.
(Labrat)
It reminded her too much of home.
“Home is where your heart is, Miss Parker.”
[45, 46, 47, 48…]
So we tried Cops and Robbers.
Her Daddy likes this game. Chase, he told us. The fugitive is the key.
We don’t understand; we just like to play.
The robber stole a missing piece
An answer
A past.
Get it back, her Daddy says.
We chase. He runs. We all fall down.
Momma calls for dinner.
Nobody wins.
“What heart?”
[49, 50, 51, 52…]
Momma sends us to ballet.
We plié
Tendu
Sissonne
Glissade
Then we chaîné (turn). Round and round we go faster where we’ll stop nobody knows.
We land on the floor.
The floor of her living room. Then the kitchen. Then the bathroom. Finally the floor in the bedroom. She doesn’t move and he holds her tightly, possessive. Fingertips caress her skin.
“Where does your heart lie?”
Chassé chassé chassé chassé.
Chase chase chase chase.
“What heart?”
[53, 54, 55, 56…]
“I can’t do this anymore.”
So many games, so little time.
“You’re the pretender, not me.”
So many rules.
“You can pretend the rules are changing.”
So many hearts.
“You can pretend the game is over.”
So little time,
“You may be a pretender, Jarod,”
To break them all.
“But you’re an idiot.”
What game shall we play next?
[57, 58, 59, 60…]
We go to church, so Momma can repent.
“Is he…”
But she just sits and stares blankly at the icons, like they mean nothing.
“He’s breathing.”
She sits so still you can’t see her breath.
“Thank God.”
We don’t play in the church.
“God won’t save you.”
We want to go to heaven.
[61, 62, 63, 64…]
Sometimes we play kickball. Up against the wall-
“Not here, Jarod!”
other times out in the field.
“It’s too dangerous, Parker. If they catch you…”
If you get tagged while running around the bases, you’re out.
“They could kill you for this,” he whispers into her lips.
It’s an out for your team.
“Be careful, Parker.”
(first base)
“Don’t touch me.”
(second base)
“Is that what you want from me?”
(third base)
“We can’t do this.”
(home)
“I…”
one for the team.
[65, 66, 67, 68…]
Frisbee’s fun…
He’s dead, Parker.
Dead?
Yes, Parker- dead.
He can’t be dead.
Dead, Parker.
No.
Yes.
He promised.
He’s dead, Parker.
He can’t be. He promised.
Then he lied. Because he’s dead, Parker.
No.
You killed him, Parker.
No. He was supposed to duck.
He’s dead, Parker.
Why didn’t he duck?
Until you get hit in the head.
[69, 70, 71, 72…]
Truth or dare is fun to play. At night, during sleepovers. When you’re old enough to have secrets, too young to keep them. You play with friends under a blanket.
He slips under the blanket next to her.
Worst thing you’ve ever done.
She starts and pulls away angrily. “You’re dead.” Her hand connects with his face. “You’re dead, you bastard. I shot you. You’re dead.”
Cut a piece of your mother’s hair while she sleeps.
He holds her close while she beats his chest, and presses his face to her hair.
Have you ever kissed anyone?
He kisses her with enough force to send them back to the bed, to the floor, where it all started.
What’s your biggest fear?
She wakes up crying.
The same as your biggest wish.
He kisses her tears away.
[73, 74, 75, 76…]
“He’s still dead, Parker.”
She knows it's a lie.
We play graveyard on Halloween. We all lay down on the grass,
She touches his fingers, and remembers all the places they touched. She knows it's a lie, but it doesn't feel like it.
except for one person,
“Then why am I left standing?” It doesn't look like it.
who watches us closely, all spread out.
“They know.”
All the places he touched.
If they catch us moving, we’re out.
“Doesn’t matter.”
Every man for himself.
“Did you at least love him?”
There are no teams.
[77, 78, 79, 80…]
Momma spent too much time in graveyards; we aren’t allowed to play there either. She says it’s not right to mock the dead, because eventually, you’ll be dead too.
She fingered the 9mm, but couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger.
She says we shouldn’t dance on daddy’s grave.
[81, 82, 83, 84…]
“Maybe he’s happy now.”
She plays along.
We play duck duck goose…
“Maybe he’s at peace.”
For their sake.
in large circles…
“I just wish he could have known first…”
For her sake.
But Momma says it’s too much like tag...
“…maybe…”
For his.
so we stopped.
“…maybe then, he would have had something to fight for.”
We stopped chasing.
[85, 86, 87, 88…]
We stopped chasing .
“Home is where your heart is, Miss Parker.”
We stopped running.
“What heart?”
We stopped playing.
“The one your mother gave you.”
We stopped praying.
“My mother’s dead, Jarod.”
It was perfect.
“You are not.”
We killed the souls
“I feel like it.”
Hurts, doesn’t it?
“I feel so...”
To be so…
“Alone.”
You’re not alone.
I’ll always be alone.
I’ll be here.
You’re alone, too.
Then we’ll be alone together.
Empty.
“Promise?”
Promises are meant to be broken.
“Promise.”
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
[89, 90, 91, 92…]
The only other game we play,
Is Hide and Seek.
Where we all hide,
And one person seeks.
“You killed my mother. You killed my soul. You made me kill my love. What more do you want from me?”
Seeks and seeks and never finds.
“Everything.”
You close your eyes, and count to one hundred…
(how did we end up like this?)
…and when you open them…
(like what?)
…everyone is gone.
[93, 94, 95, 96…]
(searching)
She drinks more from the bottle than she speaks from her mouth. She goes to work like nothing happened.
Nothing happened. It’s the same old game,
it was the day before. Nothing’s changed.
Not a thing. Except maybe…
She picks up the phone.
She can still feel all the places he touched. “Where does your heart lie, Miss Parker?”
“It’s only a game, Jarod. It isn’t real.”
“Make it real.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Open your eyes.”
"It's still a game, Jarod."
"Whatever you say, Miss Parker."
She puts the phone down.
Whatever you say.
[97, 98, 99, 100…]
(ready or not, here I come)
+ + +
end
All The Games We Play
“If you change the story, the ending is up to you.”
This is a game
“This is a game, Jarod. Nothing more, nothing less. You run, I chase.”
[1, 2, 3, 4…]
“It’s more than a game,” he declares. “It’s our life.”
Like tag.
Running running
Away away
“What life?”
Being chased and chasing them.
Circle circle
Figure eight
Around and around
Hunter hunted
“It’s not a life, Parker it’s a life sentence.”
(TAG!)
You’re it.
[5, 6, 7, 8…]
“You make it sound like we have a choice.”
No, no, not like tag, not like tag at all.
Tag is for little kids with pigtails and ponies and toy trucks and red bikes. They play in large groups, not two at a time
At the park
Or playground
Or in their front yard
“The life we could have had… the life your mother tried to give you. We can still have it. Take it.”
It’s a happy game, with smiles and laughter
It’s safe.
Harmless.
“Ok.”
(Tag, you’re it!)
Until someone falls down.
[9, 10, 11, 12…]
Maybe like Tunnel, like tag, but not. There are times in the game when you freeze
Hold perfectly still
Watching as the game
(of life)
goes on around you
Maybe a little more like Tunnel
(Tag, not it!)
Until someone falls down
“Jarod!”
(Freeze!)
and skins their knee.
She aimed, she fired, she hit.
[13, 14, 15, 16…]
Hold very still.
Don’t even breathe.
“C’mon, Jarod breathe, damn you!” he cries, holding a heavy hand.
Can you spread your legs wider?
Thought so
“Is that what you want from me?”
Your friends have to crawl under you, between you, to unfreeze you.
Mom doesn’t like this game anymore.
(Tag, you’re free!)
Cause someone fell down
(Freeze!)
And skinned their knee
“What have you done, Miss Parker?”
(Momma…)
Hurts, doesn’t it?
“What have you done?”
[17, 18, 19, 20…]
We can’t play Tag anymore because it’s too much fun and we can’t play Tunnel cause Momma said no.
“It’s dangerous territory, Jarod. Tread lightly on her feelings; she doesn’t have that many left.”
What about jump rope?
(Cinderella, dressed in yella)
Her Daddy doesn’t like it
(went upstairs to kiss a 'fella)
Thinks his Angel shouldn’t be kissing no one at that age.
(by mistake)
His Angel doesn’t make mistakes
(she kissed a snake)
Rat
“What do you want from me, Jarod?”
(how many doctors)
My Angel’s fine, her Daddy says.
(did it take?)
(1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Poor Daddy, lost his Angel to a snake.
(Rat).
“Everything.”
[21, 22, 23, 24…]
Dodgeball, then. We’re all fast, and pretty good catchers.
“He was supposed to duck.”
I can catch a fly ball.
Throw it hard as you can.
Harder, harder.
Momma doesn’t like this game.
“What have you done?”
(Throw the ball)
she says it’s too violent.
(Catch a ball)
we’re far to young
(Sit out)
to be dodging balls.
“Why didn’t he duck?”
[25, 26, 27, 28…]
Swing.
“Stop playing with his emotions, Parker. He’s fragile, just like you.”
Swing
That’s what we’ll do from our tree house on a tire swing
We’ll fly higher, higher
Touch the stars
Until someone falls down
Then the stars are around your head.
“I am *not* fragile, Sydney.”
We aren’t allowed on the tire swing. It reminds Momma of her happy days.
(Remember when the days were young)
she doesn’t remember much
(and rolled beneath the deep blue sky)
only bits and pieces
(didn’t have a care in the world)
she remembers her momma
(with mommy and daddy standin’ by)
but only for a little while.
“Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me…”
[29, 30, 31, 32…]
Hopscotch.
2 feet
1 feet
2 feet
1 feet
that’s not really how you play.
“This isn’t the game, Jarod.”
1 foot all the way, switch when you get to 12, 1 foot all the way back, shoot and aim with your hopping foot and then you’re home free.
We like to play
2 feet
1 feet
2 feet
1 feet
“Yes it is.” He kisses her face, her throat, the back of her neck. “I’m just changing the rules.”
Her Daddy says that’s teaching us to cheat. He likes this game.
But we’re not allowed to play hopscotch either.
[33, 34, 35, 36…]
Ring around the rosies, a pocket full of posies, ashes ashes we all fall down.
Ring around in a figure eight
Your pocket full of wilted flowers (broken dreams)
ashes ashes
(the remains of your stars)
we all fall down.
“Get up, Jarod,” she thinks. “Get up and run. Run, Jarod, run.”
Down
Down
Down
Until we skin our knee and Momma makes us go inside.
No more rosies.
No more posies.
He stays perfectly still.
Momma looks like ashes.
[37, 48, 39, 40…]
Timmy got hit in the head with a soccer ball; we play kick the can.
“Good aim, Sis.”
Kick the can
Hard as you can.
Harder, harder.
“And which rules,” she asks breathlessly. “exactly are you changing?”
Aim, fire. Missed the goal.
(first one to the answers wins)
it’s not a game anymore.
(lives)
kick the can.
(kick bad habbits)
hard as you can
(smoking)
harder
(drinking)
harder
(chasing)
steal the can away.
“All of them.”
[41, 42, 43, 44…]
Cowboys and Indians was a favourite game.
We’d run around whooping and shooting imaginary bullets from our fingers.
And finger guns.
Aim.
Fire.
(Redskin!)
Momma didn’t like the nicknames.
(Labrat)
It reminded her too much of home.
“Home is where your heart is, Miss Parker.”
[45, 46, 47, 48…]
So we tried Cops and Robbers.
Her Daddy likes this game. Chase, he told us. The fugitive is the key.
We don’t understand; we just like to play.
The robber stole a missing piece
An answer
A past.
Get it back, her Daddy says.
We chase. He runs. We all fall down.
Momma calls for dinner.
Nobody wins.
“What heart?”
[49, 50, 51, 52…]
Momma sends us to ballet.
We plié
Tendu
Sissonne
Glissade
Then we chaîné (turn). Round and round we go faster where we’ll stop nobody knows.
We land on the floor.
The floor of her living room. Then the kitchen. Then the bathroom. Finally the floor in the bedroom. She doesn’t move and he holds her tightly, possessive. Fingertips caress her skin.
“Where does your heart lie?”
Chassé chassé chassé chassé.
Chase chase chase chase.
“What heart?”
[53, 54, 55, 56…]
“I can’t do this anymore.”
So many games, so little time.
“You’re the pretender, not me.”
So many rules.
“You can pretend the rules are changing.”
So many hearts.
“You can pretend the game is over.”
So little time,
“You may be a pretender, Jarod,”
To break them all.
“But you’re an idiot.”
What game shall we play next?
[57, 58, 59, 60…]
We go to church, so Momma can repent.
“Is he…”
But she just sits and stares blankly at the icons, like they mean nothing.
“He’s breathing.”
She sits so still you can’t see her breath.
“Thank God.”
We don’t play in the church.
“God won’t save you.”
We want to go to heaven.
[61, 62, 63, 64…]
Sometimes we play kickball. Up against the wall-
“Not here, Jarod!”
other times out in the field.
“It’s too dangerous, Parker. If they catch you…”
If you get tagged while running around the bases, you’re out.
“They could kill you for this,” he whispers into her lips.
It’s an out for your team.
“Be careful, Parker.”
(first base)
“Don’t touch me.”
(second base)
“Is that what you want from me?”
(third base)
“We can’t do this.”
(home)
“I…”
one for the team.
[65, 66, 67, 68…]
Frisbee’s fun…
He’s dead, Parker.
Dead?
Yes, Parker- dead.
He can’t be dead.
Dead, Parker.
No.
Yes.
He promised.
He’s dead, Parker.
He can’t be. He promised.
Then he lied. Because he’s dead, Parker.
No.
You killed him, Parker.
No. He was supposed to duck.
He’s dead, Parker.
Why didn’t he duck?
Until you get hit in the head.
[69, 70, 71, 72…]
Truth or dare is fun to play. At night, during sleepovers. When you’re old enough to have secrets, too young to keep them. You play with friends under a blanket.
He slips under the blanket next to her.
Worst thing you’ve ever done.
She starts and pulls away angrily. “You’re dead.” Her hand connects with his face. “You’re dead, you bastard. I shot you. You’re dead.”
Cut a piece of your mother’s hair while she sleeps.
He holds her close while she beats his chest, and presses his face to her hair.
Have you ever kissed anyone?
He kisses her with enough force to send them back to the bed, to the floor, where it all started.
What’s your biggest fear?
She wakes up crying.
The same as your biggest wish.
He kisses her tears away.
[73, 74, 75, 76…]
“He’s still dead, Parker.”
She knows it's a lie.
We play graveyard on Halloween. We all lay down on the grass,
She touches his fingers, and remembers all the places they touched. She knows it's a lie, but it doesn't feel like it.
except for one person,
“Then why am I left standing?” It doesn't look like it.
who watches us closely, all spread out.
“They know.”
All the places he touched.
If they catch us moving, we’re out.
“Doesn’t matter.”
Every man for himself.
“Did you at least love him?”
There are no teams.
[77, 78, 79, 80…]
Momma spent too much time in graveyards; we aren’t allowed to play there either. She says it’s not right to mock the dead, because eventually, you’ll be dead too.
She fingered the 9mm, but couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger.
She says we shouldn’t dance on daddy’s grave.
[81, 82, 83, 84…]
“Maybe he’s happy now.”
She plays along.
We play duck duck goose…
“Maybe he’s at peace.”
For their sake.
in large circles…
“I just wish he could have known first…”
For her sake.
But Momma says it’s too much like tag...
“…maybe…”
For his.
so we stopped.
“…maybe then, he would have had something to fight for.”
We stopped chasing.
[85, 86, 87, 88…]
We stopped chasing .
“Home is where your heart is, Miss Parker.”
We stopped running.
“What heart?”
We stopped playing.
“The one your mother gave you.”
We stopped praying.
“My mother’s dead, Jarod.”
It was perfect.
“You are not.”
We killed the souls
“I feel like it.”
Hurts, doesn’t it?
“I feel so...”
To be so…
“Alone.”
You’re not alone.
I’ll always be alone.
I’ll be here.
You’re alone, too.
Then we’ll be alone together.
Empty.
“Promise?”
Promises are meant to be broken.
“Promise.”
Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
[89, 90, 91, 92…]
The only other game we play,
Is Hide and Seek.
Where we all hide,
And one person seeks.
“You killed my mother. You killed my soul. You made me kill my love. What more do you want from me?”
Seeks and seeks and never finds.
“Everything.”
You close your eyes, and count to one hundred…
(how did we end up like this?)
…and when you open them…
(like what?)
…everyone is gone.
[93, 94, 95, 96…]
(searching)
She drinks more from the bottle than she speaks from her mouth. She goes to work like nothing happened.
Nothing happened. It’s the same old game,
it was the day before. Nothing’s changed.
Not a thing. Except maybe…
She picks up the phone.
She can still feel all the places he touched. “Where does your heart lie, Miss Parker?”
“It’s only a game, Jarod. It isn’t real.”
“Make it real.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Open your eyes.”
"It's still a game, Jarod."
"Whatever you say, Miss Parker."
She puts the phone down.
Whatever you say.
[97, 98, 99, 100…]
(ready or not, here I come)
+ + +
end
