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i. Angel
If God could make angels, why did he bother with men? (Dagobert D. Runes)
When the Triumvirate first told me their plan, I didn't want to do it. Catherine and I were still so newly in love and I'd promised her I'd never lie to her. I told them I'd think about it. I couldn't sleep so I spent the night looking at your mother and thinking. Thinking about how lucky I was to have her in my life. She could have had anyone but she chose me. There must be something in me to love, then.
The next day I told the Triumvirate, "No." I thought, foolishly, that would be the end of it.
I remember every detail of the day Catherine told me she was pregnant. I'd just come out of a meeting about a new project and she was waiting for me in my office. She stood to greet me when I entered and I remember thinking that I'd never seen her more beautiful. She was so excited; she could hardly get the words out, so she handed me a sheet of paper. They were test results. I went cold – they had gone ahead despite my refusal. But Catherine was so happy. I could hardly tell her the truth now.
That was the first deliberate lie between us.
I almost didn't come to see you, but in the end I knew Catherine would want to know why – and I can never tell her the truth. So here I stand, in the darkened Centre nursery, wondering when exactly I lost control of my life. But you are so beautiful and so tiny and so, so innocent. I can't help myself; I pick you up. You open your eyes and I expect you to cry but, instead, you smile. You are so perfect. For a second, I seriously contemplate taking you and running, leaving this place for good. Maybe one day I will.
You wrap your hand around my finger and I'm surprised to find that there are tears in my eyes.
You have a brother, do you know that? They took him away and told Catherine he was dead. I can't tell her he's not – just another lie between us. The list grows longer every day and I'm sure she suspects something. She must. She's always been intuitive. Maybe if I knew what they'd done with the boy, maybe then I'd tell her. All I know is that he's no longer in the Centre – apparently being the chairman doesn't hold as much power as it used to.
I hope you find him one day. You deserve to know each other, to love each other. I get the sense that together, the two of you could do great things.
Maybe that's why they took him away.
I gently run my finger down your cheek. Your skin is so soft. Before I know it, I place a kiss on your forehead. You smile again. I can already see Catherine in you – you have her smile and you have the same light in your eyes that she does.
God help me, I think I'm falling in love with you already.
"Excuse me, Mr. Parker. Your wife's asking for you."
I look up and frown at the intruder. It's just a young nurse. She must be new – I've never seen her before.
"I'll be right there."
I lay you carefully back down then kiss your forehead. I'll be back as soon as I can.
"Goodnight, my angel."
i. Angel
If God could make angels, why did he bother with men? (Dagobert D. Runes)
When the Triumvirate first told me their plan, I didn't want to do it. Catherine and I were still so newly in love and I'd promised her I'd never lie to her. I told them I'd think about it. I couldn't sleep so I spent the night looking at your mother and thinking. Thinking about how lucky I was to have her in my life. She could have had anyone but she chose me. There must be something in me to love, then.
The next day I told the Triumvirate, "No." I thought, foolishly, that would be the end of it.
I remember every detail of the day Catherine told me she was pregnant. I'd just come out of a meeting about a new project and she was waiting for me in my office. She stood to greet me when I entered and I remember thinking that I'd never seen her more beautiful. She was so excited; she could hardly get the words out, so she handed me a sheet of paper. They were test results. I went cold – they had gone ahead despite my refusal. But Catherine was so happy. I could hardly tell her the truth now.
That was the first deliberate lie between us.
I almost didn't come to see you, but in the end I knew Catherine would want to know why – and I can never tell her the truth. So here I stand, in the darkened Centre nursery, wondering when exactly I lost control of my life. But you are so beautiful and so tiny and so, so innocent. I can't help myself; I pick you up. You open your eyes and I expect you to cry but, instead, you smile. You are so perfect. For a second, I seriously contemplate taking you and running, leaving this place for good. Maybe one day I will.
You wrap your hand around my finger and I'm surprised to find that there are tears in my eyes.
You have a brother, do you know that? They took him away and told Catherine he was dead. I can't tell her he's not – just another lie between us. The list grows longer every day and I'm sure she suspects something. She must. She's always been intuitive. Maybe if I knew what they'd done with the boy, maybe then I'd tell her. All I know is that he's no longer in the Centre – apparently being the chairman doesn't hold as much power as it used to.
I hope you find him one day. You deserve to know each other, to love each other. I get the sense that together, the two of you could do great things.
Maybe that's why they took him away.
I gently run my finger down your cheek. Your skin is so soft. Before I know it, I place a kiss on your forehead. You smile again. I can already see Catherine in you – you have her smile and you have the same light in your eyes that she does.
God help me, I think I'm falling in love with you already.
"Excuse me, Mr. Parker. Your wife's asking for you."
I look up and frown at the intruder. It's just a young nurse. She must be new – I've never seen her before.
"I'll be right there."
I lay you carefully back down then kiss your forehead. I'll be back as soon as I can.
"Goodnight, my angel."
