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I don't really know why I decided to write this story. I just felt that even Miss Parker would crack in a situation like this and in the other rape stories I've read she just carried on as normal. I hope I've dealt with this sensitively enough and that I haven't offended anybody. It took me a while to finish this and I hope you decide to read the whole thing and that it's not too heavy-going. Please please please give me feedback. I really want to know what you all think.

Disclaimer: Jarod and Miss Parker and anyone else related to the Centre do not belong to me. If you my opinion Jarod and Parker belong to each other. I'm not making money out of this (who'd pay for fanfic?) so please don't sue me, I'm just a poor student.

-Melanie-Anne

Big Girls Don't Cry

Melanie-Anne

Blue Cove, Delaware 27 February 23h17

Never a heavy sleeper, Miss Parker woke up when she heard the noise. She reached instinctively for her gun but it was not on her nightstand, where she always left it. Not yet scared, she assumed it was one of Jarod's pranks and grabbed a robe to cover herself before turning on the light.

There was no one else in her bedroom.

She cursed and headed downstairs, turning on all the lights.

"Jarod? Stop messing around!" she called out, irritated. The next time I see him, I'm definitely going to shoot him, she vowed.

Someone grabbed her from behind and hissed, "Don't say a word!"

"Jarod?" she asked, trying to turn around and receiving a blow to her side. She knew then that the intruder was not Jarod. Jarod would never strike her.

"Shut up!"

Parker nodded, wishing she'd brought her other gun downstairs with her and cursed herself for being so careless.

"Now, we're going to go back upstairs and have some fun, okay?"

She nodded, beginning to feel frightened. The man threw her onto the bed and she noticed that he had her gun. She glanced across the room to the dresser where she kept her other gun and knew she would never make it. She had just about given up hope of preventing the inevitable when the phone rang.

The man looked annoyed. He motioned for her to answer it, placing the barrel of the gun against her neck as a warning.

"Hello?" Please be Jarod, she prayed.

"I see you've picked up some manners somewhere along the line." Parker felt like crying with relief when she heard Jarod's voice.

"Uh, baby, look. I'm tired. Can you call back later?"

The man nodded and gestured for her to end the conversation. Parker hoped Jarod would realize that something was wrong.

"Baby?! Parker, are you okay?"

"No, I'm really tired. I had a long day." Help!

"Is somebody there?"

"Yes, baby. I love you too."

Jarod swore softly. "Do you need help?"

"Yes. See you tomorrow." Please come now!

The man pushed the gun harder against her neck.

"Look, I'll be there soon, okay? I'm on my way!"

"Goodbye." Parker hung up and handed the phone to the man.

He smiled and ripped open the shirt she'd been sleeping in - one of Tommy's shirts - and Parker bit her lip, looking up at the roof.

"I've waited such a long time for this," the man said.

Parker wanted to fight, wanted to push him away, but he was still holding the gun against her and she didn't want to die. So she did the only thing that she had left to do - she closed her eyes and prayed to a God she wasn't even sure remembered her.

*

JJ's Roadhouse, Delaware 27 February 19h47

"One of these days I'm going to kill him," Parker seethed, watching Jarod's car speed away. She was tired of playing cat-and-mouse with him and wished more than anything that they were still friends. Things had been good, and then he had to spoil it all by escaping. She supposed it was unfair of her to want him locked away but her father had put her in charge of recapturing him. And she would do anything for her father.

She lowered her gun and turned to the other members of her team, both of who were looking simultaneously amused and apprehensive.

"What now, Miss Parker?" Sydney asked.

She shrugged. "I'm going home, to soak in a hot bubble bath and think up an excuse to give to Daddy tomorrow morning."

Sydney and Broots looked at each other and wisely decided not to comment.

Parker drove home, thinking of what she'd do to Jarod when she finally got him alone. Topping her list was painful and prolonged torture, but by the time she got home she had moved on to thoughts more pleasant in nature. She never noticed the car that had been tailing her.

The man watched her enter her house and followed, watching her through the windows. She was running a bath and he watched her undress. He waited. He wanted to surprise her by waiting until the right moment. He didn't mind the wait. Patience was something he'd had to learn and he'd waited a long time to find her. A little more time wouldn't make a difference.

*

Somewhere in Delaware 27 February 23h17

Jarod checked into his motel room, still grinning from his encounter with Parker. He'd thought for half a second that she really would shoot him, but deep down he knew she hated the chase as much as he did. Still, he mused, how many guys can honestly say they have a beautiful woman chasing them across the country?

He flopped onto the bed and dialed a familiar number. He wondered how mad she was tonight.

"Hello?"

Wow! She said 'hello' and not 'what'. Maybe she doesn't want to skin me alive.

"I see you've picked up some manners somewhere along the line." I'm gonna get it now!

"Uh, baby, look. I'm tired. Can you call back later?"

Shit! Something's wrong! He stood up, heading towards his car.

"Baby?! Parker, are you okay?" Please be okay!

"No, I'm really tired. I had a long day."

Jarod started to worry.

"Is somebody there?" Say no!

"Yes, baby. I love you, too."

"Shit! Do you need help?"

"Yes, see you tomorrow."

He heard Parker gasp and pressed harder on the accelerator.

"Look, I'll be there soon, okay? I'm on my way!"

"Goodbye," Parker said, hanging up. Jarod hated the finality of the word. He didn't want to think about what was happening in Parker's house right now. He tried not to think about how scared she had sounded or about how he knew that she would have shot first and asked questions later, if she had been able to. Parker helpless was not something he wanted to think about.

*

Parker's house 27 February 23h50

The door was open and Jarod drew his gun before entering. He didn't know if the intruder was still there and he didn't care. He'd shoot him if he had to. Quietly, Jarod crept upstairs to Parker's bedroom. Nothing could have prepared him for what he found.

Parker lay on her back on the bed, her wrists handcuffed to the headboard. She was naked and covered in blood. Jarod moved towards her, scanning the room for the intruder. Parker turned to look at Jarod and he froze. Her face was bruised and she had a gash on her left cheek.

"Oh, Parker," he whispered and gently removed the handcuffs, recognizing them as hers. She rolled onto her side and pulled the bedsheets over herself.

"Parker, what happened here?"

"Guess," she said, her voice hard.

Jarod closed his eyes, preparing to go into SIM-mode when Parker sat up and said, "Don't Pretend. Please. I don't want you to go there."

He nodded and sat gingerly on the edge of the bed.

"We need to get you to a hospital."

Parker shook her head, tears pouring down her cheeks. Jarod felt something tear at his heart. He had only seen Parker cry twice - once when her mother died and again when Tommy died.

"We need to get you checked out," he said gently.

"Okay," Parker whispered. "But I don't want anyone at the Centre to find out."

Jarod nodded and handed her a robe. She put it on and stood slowly, her legs trembling as she searched through her closet for something to wear. Jarod waited downstairs. When Parker appeared she had tied her hair back and her face was less bloody than it had been when Jarod arrived.

"Let's go," she said.

*

28 February 00h25

Parker stared out the car window, silent. Jarod wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn't. He was so angry. All he wanted to do was find whoever was responsible and kill him. It was the first time in his entire life that he wanted to kill - not even Lyle had aroused this feeling in him, this desire to spill blood.

Parker's legs buckled as they walked towards the emergency room and Jarod caught her before she hit the ground. It was the first time he had touched her all evening and he was relieved that she didn't recoil. He helped her walk the rest of the way.

The waiting room was full and Jarod knew that Parker wouldn't want to wait. He slipped into his doctor-persona and pulled rank, admitting Parker as his wife.

"Dr. James, could you wait here while we do the exam?" a nurse asked.

Parker looked terrified and while Jarod didn't want to leave her, he knew that staying would only make things worse. He nodded and left. Once outside, he couldn't stop pacing. A concerned orderly brought him a cup of coffee and tried to talk to him but Jarod was far too distracted to concentrate. He was thinking about what he could have done to prevent it. A thousand useless thoughts going around and around in his head.

If I'd let her catch me tonight she probably would have gone out celebrating. No one would have been home.

If I'd called the police instead of rushing there myself they could have stopped him.

If only she didn't live alone.

If only I'd got there sooner.

I should have gone round instead of calling.


"We're done," the nurse said, breaking into his thoughts.

Jarod entered Parker's room and noticed immediately that she'd been crying.

"Hey," he said.

She just looked at him, her face expressionless. Yet in her eyes he saw total defeat and his rage grew. Defeat was not a word he associated with Parker and now a total stranger had defeated her.

"Are you feeling better?" he asked and then cursed himself for asking such a stupid question.

"I want to shower."

"Okay. Umm…there's the-"

"At home. I want to shower at home."

*

28 February 07h37

There were Centre cars outside Parker's house. She didn't want them to see her so Jarod drove her to his motel room. While she showered he paid his bill and made plans.

"Uh, here are some clean clothes," he shouted through the bathroom door. "I'll leave them on the bed for you."

When she finally ventured out of the bathroom Jarod realized that he had no idea what she wanted to do.

"Uh, are you hungry?" he asked, not knowing what else to say.

She shook her head.

He wanted to hold her but didn't think she'd want to be touched. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you, Parker.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"What? Why?"

"For coming to get me. I just, I wish you didn't have to see me like that though. It's so…humiliating." She stopped, about to burst into tears.

"We'll get him," Jarod promised.

"Can I get some coffee?" she asked and he smiled, glad to see a glimmer of the old Parker.

"Sure."

"What happens now?"

"We're going to my house for a while."

"You have a house?" Parker asked. She'd always thought that Jarod had been a nomad since escaping the Centre. A house implied roots. A house was dangerous. The Centre should have been able to find something as simple as a house. And then she smiled, thinking that this was more proof of how much smarter than the Centre Jarod was.

*

28 February 06h47

Lyle met up with his father in Parker's kitchen.

"Nothing," he said. "Her bed is unmade and the sheets are covered in blood. Her gun is missing and so is she."

Mr. Parker looked grim. He doubted the Centre was involved; they would have left a body. He had to believe that Parker was still alive. He'd lost her mother, he couldn't bear to lose her too.

"Find her, Lyle. And kill whoever did this."

Lyle nodded. He would never admit it but he was worried. Parker was not the kind of person to disappear quietly and the bloodstained sheets were in no way reassuring. He wandered through the house one more time and noticed Parker's rabbit. He gave it fresh food and water before returning to the Centre, not looking forward to breaking the news to Parker's team.

Broots did not take it well. As much as Miss Parker terrified him, he respected her and cared for her. To hear that she was missing, probably injured, possibly dead, was too much for him. He also had the difficult task of telling Debbie, who practically worshiped Miss Parker.

Sydney felt the same way as Broots. He had watched Parker grow up and regarded her as a daughter in many ways. He could only pray that she was okay. He wondered how he was going to tell Jarod. He suspected that the Pretender cared more for Miss Parker than he liked to admit and he knew that her disappearance would hit him hard.

In the afternoon Sydney received a phone call.

"Are you missing me yet?"

"Jarod! Thank God you called. Something terrible has happened. Miss Parker-"

"Relax, Syd. She's with me."

"What?" Sydney had always thought Jarod incapable of harming Parker but if he had her then-

"She was attacked last night but I interrupted. She's fine. Listen, don't tell anybody, not even Broots."

"But-"

Jarod hung up.

*

1 March, 20h07

"I like your house," Parker said. "It's big." Having dealt with the fact that Jarod had a house, she now had to deal with its incredible size. Five bedrooms, two stories high, a huge garden with a pool….

"I bought it for my family."

"For when you find them?"

"No, this one will be for my wife and children."

Parker was silent for a moment before she smiled and said, "You know, I never pictured you getting married. But you'll be a great father."

"I, uh, thank you."

"I'm sorry."

Jarod frowned. "Sorry for what?"

"You deserve a life away from the Centre. A life where you can get married and have children and have a normal job."

"Parker, so do you."

"Umm, I'm tired." She didn't want to talk about herself and what she did or did not deserve. "Goodnight." She stood up and climbed the stairs.

Parker, wait! He watched her go.

22h57

Parker lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her mind was replaying the events of the previous few days but she was too scared to fall asleep. She was afraid of the nightmares. Not that nightmares were something new, life in the Centre had resulted in more than her fair share, but the nightmares she'd had since the - say it, Parker, since the rape! - had been worse than any she'd ever had before. They were too real, too vivid and too painful.

She was crying again and cursed herself for allowing it to have happened. All the self-defense training, all the time spent on the shooting range had counted for nothing. She hadn't been able to stop him.

Daddy will be so disappointed in you. Lyle will laugh and say he always knew you were weak. Sydney and Broots will pity you. Jarod- What does Jarod think? You know. He thinks you're dirty. He thinks you're ugly now.

I wish he hadn't come!


"You would have been dead if he hadn't come."

"Mama?" Parker sat up, sure she had heard her mother's voice. But the only sound was the rain falling softly on the roof.

"Oh, Mama, I wish I was dead." She curled up in a tiny ball, trying to make herself as small as possible.

I want him to hold me and say everything's okay but he can't bear to touch me. And when he looks at me he seems so angry. With me? Oh, please let him not be angry with me! He's only touched me once since…I'm filthy. He won't want me now.

Jarod was still sitting downstairs and heard her turn the shower on. He sighed, looking again at a photo of her that had been taken when she was younger. In it she was wearing a tutu and posing as a ballet dancer. Mrs. Parker had given it to him shortly before she died.

Why won't she talk to me, Catherine? It's as though she's scared of me. Will she push me away if I hold her? I should have done something. I should have gotten there sooner…I'm going to kill the man who did this to her, Catherine. I swear.

He lay his head on his arms and wept.

*

2 March, 07h25

"Umm…do you want some breakfast?" Jarod asked. He hadn't been sure that she would be awake but he'd needed an excuse to go in and see her.

Parker rolled onto her back and looked up at Jarod. He could tell by the rings under her eyes that she hadn't gotten much sleep.

"What?" she asked.

"Breakfast?"

Parker shook her head. "Just coffee…please."

"Uh, okay."

She watched him leave and pulled the blankets closer to her chest, wondering why he was being so nice to her. She wondered why he hadn't left her at the hospital or dropped her off with Sydney. He didn't have to look after her. The surprising thing was that he hadn't complained about it either. She couldn't recall how long she'd been with him now. A week? More? Less?

Jarod entered with a tray. He handed her a mug and a plate with two slices of toast.

"I'm not hungry," she said.

"Yeah, but Sydney won't be happy if you go back looking like a bag of bones."

"Sydney?" She stared at him with a pained expression. "What about my father?"

"I'm sorry, Parker. I'm sure-"

"You're right, though. Sydney would worry. Sydney always worries. Daddy's probably only worried that this will slow down the search for you," she said bitterly.

"Parker, I never meant-"

"It's okay, Jarod."

But it wasn't and both of them knew it.

*

14h38, the Centre

"I'm sorry, sir. There are no leads. But the blood was definitely hers."

Mr. Parker's shoulders sagged at the news. He looked back to the sweeper.

"Thank you. That will be all."

Not my Angel too. Please bring her back, he prayed to no one in particular. Don't let it end like this. I swear if you bring her back I'll be a better father. I'll make up for everything that I've ever done wrong in her life. Just please don't let her be gone.

"Would you tell her the truth? Would you let her go?"

Mr. Parker looked up. "Catherine?"

He was alone in his office. Only his ghosts could keep him company. He lay his head on his desk and grieved for his daughter and his wife.

Angelo watched from the ventilation shaft and rocked back and forth, hugging himself. He could feel every bit of Mr. Parker's pain.

*

3 March, 13h05

Parker lay on the couch, hugging her gun to her chest. She had woken up to an empty house and was afraid to be alone. The curtains were drawn and she lay deadstill, hardly daring to breathe.

The front door opened and Parker rolled off the couch, crouching behind the arm for cover. She shot at the intruder, not bothering to aim, her mind not registering that thieves, rapists and murderers rarely used front doors.

"Shit!" Jarod swore as the bullet narrowly missed his thigh. "Parker?"

She stood on shaky legs and took a step towards him, her face showing shock and horror.

"Jarod! Oh, I'm sorry. I thought-" I almost shot Jarod!

She dropped the gun, breaking into sobs and Jarod moved to comfort her. She collapsed and he picked her up and carried her over to the couch, holding her in his arms like a child.

"It's okay, Parker."

"No, it's not. I could have killed you."

"But you didn't. You didn't even hit me."

"It doesn't matter. I could have!" She clung to him, sobbing harder. "Why did you leave me?"

"I went to get milk. I was only gone for 5 minutes. I didn't think you'd wake up while I was gone."

"I could have killed you!"

"It's okay," he soothed, although he had to admit that he was shaken.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

Because I love you.

"You were once my best friend. It's impossible to forget that."

"I don't deserve a friend like you." She had stopped crying and pulled back slightly so that she was looking at him, eye to eye.

Neither meant for it to happen but it was inevitable. They leaned towards each other and kissed. Gently, Jarod put his hand at the back of her neck and she shivered slightly. Unconsciously he pulled her closer and she panicked. Memories of another night, another man filled her mind and she pushed him away, screaming at him.

"Let me go! Don't touch me!"

"Parker, it's me-"

She ran away, into her bedroom and locked the door behind her. Jarod leaned back, cursing himself and yet knowing he was not the one to be blame. Neither was she.

I shouldn't have kissed her.

He had to admit that the strength of her reaction frightened him. Will things ever be okay again?

*

13h43

Parker stared at her reflection in the mirror. Her bruises had faded to a pale yellow ad the gash on her cheek was healing. Jarod had assured her that it wouldn't leave a scar. Not that she cared about physical scars. Once a woman who took pride in her appearance, she didn't care what she looked like anymore. When Jarod had taken her shopping for clothes she had deliberately chosen baggy, unattractive clothes and hadn't even looked at makeup.

She knew Jarod was worried about her and she felt both angry with him for thinking he had the right to worry about her and guilty because she knew she didn't deserve to have him care about her. Not after what she'd done to him. The truth was that she had never wanted to chase him. A secret part of her had been glad that he'd finally escaped but she'd been angry that he'd left her behind. As children they had spoken countless times of running away together and when he'd left she had felt betrayed. Later she understood why he'd gone and wished she had as much courage as he did.

The thought suddenly crossed her mind that maybe this was the time for her to escape the Centre. Maybe she just wouldn't go back. But what then? As much as she wanted to, she couldn't stay with Jarod.

She shook her head. The Centre was her home. She had nothing else. But she wouldn't go back just yet. Being with Jarod was…nice. She would stay for as long as he wanted her to.

*



15h00, the Centre

Sydney knocked on the door of the chairman's office. There was no reply so he entered.

"What is it?" Mr. Parker said wearily.

"I was just wondering if there'd been any progress-"

"No."

"Oh, I see. Jarod-"

"Jarod is not the top-priority at the moment. Until my daughter comes home-" Mr. Parker couldn't finish the sentence and gestured for Sydney to leave.

Sydney nodded, leaving with the feeling that maybe now Mr. Parker finally realized how valuable Miss Parker was. On his way to Broots he ran into Lyle.

"How is he?" Lyle asked.

"Not too good. Maybe you should go to him."

Lyle nodded.

Sydney smiled sadly, shaking his head at the fact that it had taken Parker's disappearance for her family to show that they cared about her and each other.

*



7 March, 06h29

Parker was already awake when Jarod woke up. He found her watching TV, an ashtray full of cigarette butts and a half-empty bottle of vodka in front of her.

"Uh, hi," he said, wondering what mood she was in.

She looked at him and took a swig of vodka.

"What are you watching?" He tried again.

"Mmm…Silence of the Lambs."

"It doesn't sound very interesting. I didn't realize you were into farming programs."

He was completely confused when she started laughing.

"What?"

"It's not a farming program! It's a thriller. You know, Hannibal Lecter? Have the lambs stopped screaming, Clarice?"

He shook his head blankly and she motioned for him to sit next to her.

"Come watch."

"Uh, maybe some other time. You want breakfast?" He was too hungry to wait for the movie to finish before he ate.

"No. I need cigarettes, though. Will you get some more?"

He glanced at the overflowing ashtray and decided not to encourage her habit.

"Can't you go out and buy them yourself?"

The sound of glass breaking distracted Jarod so that he missed the look of panic on Parker's face.

"I-I'm sorry," she stuttered, bending down to pick up the pieces of the broken vodka bottle. "I didn't mean…it was an accident."

"It's okay, Parker." He kneeled next to her and began to pick up the glass. "You're bleeding."

Parker looked at her hand and realized that she'd cut herself. She hadn't even felt it.

"Oh, I…um-"

"Let me see." Jarod gently took her hand and pulled out the sliver of glass embedded in her palm.

"Will I need stitches?" she asked.

"Don't think so," he mumbled, his brow furrowed in concentration. "We need to clean it up, though."

"'Kay," she whispered and followed him to the bathroom, trying not to drip blood all over the floor.

"This will sting," he warned.

Parker bit her lip as he cleaned the wound. A single tear escaped and traced a path down her cheek. She ignored it.

"I'm sorry. Now your carpet's gonna smell like vodka."

"It's okay. What happened? Why'd you drop it?"

"Please don't make me go out. Please, Jar."

Jarod was surprised. "You haven't called me Jar since we were kids."

"Please, I can't go out." Parker's voice was tinged with desperation and Jarod worried that she was close to hysteria. He relented.

"Okay. But you have to promise that you'll see Sydney."

Parker frowned. "Why?"

"I think you need to talk to him about what happened."

"No, Jarod. I can't. He'll think I'm weak! It's bad enough that you know-" She paused, suddenly realizing what she'd said. Jarod pulled her into a hug and she stiffened, relaxing almost instantly.

"I don't think you're weak," Jarod said.

"But I should have fought back. I should have stopped him!" Parker sobbed. "He wasn't that much bigger than me."

"It's not your fault."

"He had my gun-"

"It's okay. We'll find him."

"And then what? Slap him on the wrist and say 'bad boy'?" she asked sarcastically.

"We'll make him pay, Parker. I swear it."

Parker suddenly pulled back and gave Jarod a sly smile, albeit a weak one.

"Could we give him to Raines?" she asked hopefully.

"He deserves nothing less," Jarod smiled back, relieved. "So will you talk to Sydney now?"

"Okay," she agreed reluctantly. "But only if you come with me."

*

10 March, 18h56

Blue Cove

"Are you sure he'll be home? What if he's still at the Centre? What if he has guests? What if-"

"Parker, relax. Breathe," Jarod instructed.

"Okay," Parker closed her eyes and leaned back in the car seat. They were only a few streets away from Sydney's house when she bolted upright.

"I can't, Jarod. Take me back."

He looked at her. She was flushed and her hands were clasped tightly together. Uh oh, he thought and pulled over.

"Shh, it's okay."

"No, no, no-" She shook her head.

"Parker, listen to me. Do you trust me?"

She nodded.

"And you know I'd never hurt you?"

She nodded again.

"D you trust Sydney?"

"Yes," she managed to whisper.

"He'd never hurt you either."

"I know."

"Okay, let's pretend we're just going to visit him. Maybe for dinner. Is that okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay." He let out a sigh of relief and started driving again as Parker settled back into her seat.

A few minutes later Jarod was knocking on Sydney's door with Parker clutching his hand like a frightened child, her head buried in his chest. Sydney couldn't have been more surprised when he opened his door to his surprise visitors.

"Uh, Jarod - Miss Parker. I…uh, come in," he stammered.

"Hello, Syd," Jarod said, ushering Parker in before him.

"What are you doing here? Together? If the Centre found out- Do you have any idea how worried everyone's been? Your father-"

"Syd, please," Jarod said quietly. "Not now."

"Hello, Sydney," Parker managed to say. It was only then that Sydney noticed the lack of makeup and the baggy clothing and suddenly realized that something was wrong.

"Miss Parker, are you okay?" he asked as Jarod slipped his hand out of Parker's and headed for the kitchen.

"Don't go," Parker begged. "Please."

Jarod turned around and went back to her. She took hold of his hand again and he noticed that she was trembling. He squeezed her hand and she gave a slight smile.

"Uh-" Sydney began.

Parker took a deep breath and asked, "Can we sit?"

They moved to the sitting room and Parker and Jarod took a double seat and Sydney took a single. Parker looked at Jarod for reassurance and seeing nothing but support in his expression, began to speak.

"Syd, this is hard, okay? So, just…umm, well I'll get through it but it, uh, it might take a while, okay?"

Sydney nodded, not sure what to expect.

"Uh, the night I disappeared, umm…well I came home after Jarod got away and I was really tired so I had a bath and went to bed early. Umm…I don't know how long I was asleep when this noise woke me. I thought it was Jarod, that he'd come to leave something for me so I went downstairs. Without my gun. I didn't think I'd need it-" She broke off, close to tears.

"It's okay to cry, Parker," Jarod whispered. "You're not weak if you cry, remember?"

She nodded.

"There was a guy in the house. He held my gun on me and made me go back upstairs…back into my bedroom. He…he…he, uh, he was on top of me. I couldn't move. He was so strong. And then the phone rang and it was Jarod and I'd never been so glad to hear his voice and he said he'd come and I knew it would be okay, as long as he came."

She paused, wiping away tears and Jarod realized he was crying too. Sydney recalled Jarod's words - She was attacked last night but I interrupted. She's fine - and he realized suddenly exactly what had happened.

No! Not Miss Parker. Not like that!

"But Jarod was too far away, it took too long and by the time he came it was too late."

Parker couldn't say anything else and wrapped her arms around Jarod. He held her close and Sydney stared at them, shaking his head in denial.

"Parker, you need to say the words," Jarod whispered into her hair.

"I can't," she sobbed.

"Let it go."

"I was…uh…he…he raped me," she said slowly. "He raped me, he raped me, he raped me," she sobbed as Jarod rocked her in his arms.

"It's okay," he whispered. "He can't hurt you anymore. It's over now."

It was Sydney's turn to wipe away tears and he finally managed to speak.

"Jarod, I- Why didn't you tell me?"

"She's ashamed. And scared."

"Why now? Why today?"

"She needed to deal with it. The other day she almost shot me, thinking I was him. And then she had a panic attack when I told her to go out and buy her own cigarettes."

Her sobbing ceased and Jarod noticed that she had fallen asleep.

"What happens now?" Sydney asked.

"I don't know," Jarod admitted. "But I think she'll be okay."

*

11 March, 08h34

Parker woke up and discovered she was still in Sydney's house. She headed for the kitchen in the hope of running into Jarod but finding Sydney instead.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Better actually. Where's Jarod?"

"He said he had something to take care of."

"He left?" Parker gasped.

"He said he'd be back as soon as he could"

"Did he say how long that would be?"

"He said he'd be gone as long as it takes."

He left you, he left you again. What did you expect, Parker? You're repulsive, you're ugly -NONONOSTOP! HE'S COMING BACK HE SAID HE'D COME BACK!

She frowned. "What am I supposed to do without him?" It was almost a whisper and Sydney suddenly realized how much Parker had come to depend on Jarod in the past in few days.

"Maybe you should try to come back to work for a bit," he suggested.

"What will people say?" Her voice rose in panic and Sydney reached for her, wanting to comfort her but she pulled back.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"It's okay. Look, we'll make something up to tell everyone. No one has to know."

She still looked doubtful so Sydney tried another tactic.

"I think it will be beneficial to get back into a routine of some kind. You need to get used to being around other people again as well. And I know your father would want to see you."

"Really? Do you think Daddy will want to see me?"

Sydney nodded. "Of course."

"Okay. Umm…can I stay here for a while? I don't want to go home."

"Yes, you're more than welcome."

Parker smiled. "Thank you, Syd. I…know I should tell you more often but I'm really glad you're always around. And always have been. Uh, you know you're, uh, like family, sort of." She bit her lip, not knowing what had prompted this uncharacteristic speech.

Sydney was touched. "Thank you, Parker."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence. Parker moved towards Sydney and hugged him, very hesitantly, almost certain that he'd push her away. But he put his arms around there and they stayed like that for a while.

*

19 March, 08h00 The Centre

Miss Parker looked at Sydney for reassurance and took a deep breath before pushing through the doors to the Centre. Since deciding to return to work, she had gone shopping for clothes similar to what she had worn before the rape and had started wearing makeup again. Sydney had also taken her out to dinner a couple of times to get her used to the idea of being around other people again. All this had been done in secret, so when she breezed back into the Centre on a Monday morning looking as much the Ice Queen as the day she'd disappeared, everyone was surprised.

Before they reached Sydney's office they were intercepted by two sweepers who escorted them to Mr. Parker's office.

"Angel!" Mr. Parker stood to greet his daughter. He hugged her, not noticing the tension in her body.

"Where have you been? We were so worried!" he demanded.

"It's good to see you, Daddy."

"Angel, what happened? Your house-"

"I don't remember. Yesterday I woke up at Sydney's house and he told me I'd been missing-"

Mr. Parker turned to glare at Sydney.

"Jarod dropped her there," Sydney said, glancing at Miss Parker to remind her to go along with the story they had concocted. "He said he'd tracked her to New York and rescued her."

"From?" Mr. Parker was still skeptical.

"A rival group. They wanted her for insurance in 'negotiations' they were planning to hold with the Centre."

"The blood on her bed?"

"She struggled."

"Did you really think I'd go without a fight, Daddy?" Parker said, smiling.

Mr. Parker looked at his daughter. "Angel, are you okay? They didn't hurt you?"

"I'm fine, really. I don't remember much of New York. I'm just glad to be back."

Mr. Parker was still holding her when Lyle burst into the office.

"Parker! You're okay!"

She looked at Sydney in confusion as Lyle pulled her out of her father's arms and into his own. Parker was too stunned to react.

"I was so worried," Lyle said.

"What?" Parker asked. "I didn't know you cared."

"You're my sister. Of course I care."

That was too much for Parker. She started to cry.

"You're coming to stay with me," Mr. Parker announced and Parker smiled.

"Okay, Daddy."

"Lyle, get back on Jarod's trail. Now that my Angel is safe we can assume that things will be back to normal," Mr. Parker continued.

Lyle nodded his assent and giving Parker a kiss on her cheek, left the office.

"Umm, Daddy?"

"Yes, Angel?"

"Don't you think we owe Jarod? You know, for bringing me back?"

He looked at his daughter incredulously.

"Angel, he belongs here. We owe him nothing. If you're not ready to get back on the chase just yet, that's fine. You take as long as you need to recuperate."

Parker gaped at her father and Sydney sensing a battle about to begin, intervened.

"Miss Parker, I think Mr. Broots would like to see you. And I'm sure Angelo will be glad you're back."

Parker nodded, following Sydney out and whispered, "We can't bring him back. We owe him. I owe him."

"Yes, Parker. But I think, for now, he's safe and has no intention of contacting the Centre."

"What?" She stopped him, grabbing his arm. "Do you know where he went? What's he doing?"

"He said he had something important to take care of. That he couldn't rest until he had dealt with it."

Parker was prevented from continuing the conversation by a familiar voice.

"Miss Parker!" the man hugging her cried.

"Hands off, Broots. Or I'll chop them off for you."

"Gee, it's like you were never gone," the techie grumbled but he couldn't hide the expression of joy on his face and Parker felt a lump growing in her throat.

They all missed me. Even Lyle. They like (love) me.

Get real, Parker. If they knew…

SHUT UP!

If they knew how dirty you really were-

SHUT UP! Sydney knows and Jarod knows and they still like me!

Jarod left you.


"Debbie was really worried about you. Wait till she hears you're back. Hey! I'll call her now!" Broots dashed off in search of a phone.

"I, uh, I'd really like to be by myself for a while," she said.

Sydney left her in her office and she sank into her chair, closing her eyes.

"Oh, Jarod. How could you leave me again?"

She heard a noise and turned in the direction of the air vent.

"Angelo?"

"Daughter safe now."

"Yes, Angelo."

"Sad also."

She nodded.

"Friend also sad. Scared. Angry."

"Jarod?"

"Coming back."

"I don't think so."

"Yes."

Parker smiled and held Angelo's hand, remembering him as he had been a lifetime ago.

"Oh, Timmy, you didn't deserve this."

"Angelo glad daughter back."

"Me too. Angelo, do you know what happened to me?"

"Yes. Not ugly. Not dirty."

Parker pulled her hand away, turning her back on her friend.

"No, Angelo. I am."

*

23 March, 11h36

Jarod felt ill. He was staring at his computer screen, looking at a list of rapes that had occurred where the victims had shared a strong physical resemblance to Parker. All these rapes had occurred after Parker's and all these victims had been murdered. He stood up, walking away before he gave in to the urge to smash his fist into the screen.

He needed to calm down. Picking up his cell he smiled.

"What?" A weary voice answered.

"It's almost as if you'd never left, isn't it?"

"Jarod! Why-"

"How are you?" he asked sincerely.

There was a brief moment of silence before Parker replied.

"I'm okay. Everyone's being over protective at the moment. Even Lyle. Uh, how are you?"

"Umm, fine," he lied. All the better for talking to you.

"That's good."

"Are you still staying with Sydney?"

"No. Daddy insisted I stay with him."

"Oh, great."

"Yeah. So, what have you been up to lately?"

"Nothing exciting. I'm just looking for some answers, same as always."

"I hope you're not working too hard."

When he didn't reply she laughed softly.

"You are, aren't you?"

"Well-"

"Relax a bit. Read a book, watch a movie. You know what they say: all work and no play makes Jarod a dull boy."

"What?"

"Never mind. Oh, Daddy's here. Umm, I'll speak to you soon, okay?"

"Okay. Goodbye, Parker."

"Bye, Jarod." I'm glad you called.

"Who was that, Angel?" Mr. Parker asked.

"Jarod."

"What did he want?"

"Just to see how I was." She gave her father a look, daring him to challenge her.

"Oh, next time he calls thank him for me, for bringing you back."

Parker was too stunned to do anything except nod stupidly.

*

15h04

Jarod sat staring at Parker's photograph for what felt like the millionth time since he had spoken to her. Hard as he tried, he couldn't figure out why the rapist hadn't killed Parker when he'd killed all the others.

Maybe he'd have killed her if he hadn't known I was coming…but how could he have known? She was first. Why is that important?

He re-read the reports on the other girls. They had been beaten so badly that their faces were a bloody pulp, then left handcuffed to their beds. The killer had suffocated them to death and it looked like they had died before being raped and beaten.

Why? Why was it different with Parker?

And then it hit him.

Parker was the first. Did he know her? Was that why he killed the others? Because they were not Parker? There's only one way to find out, Jarod. You have to SIM it.

He shook his head. No! She asked me not to.

It's the only way to find out.

*

15h04, the Centre

Lyle poked his head around the door of Parker's office.

"Hey," he said.

She looked up, startled.

"What?"

"Can I come?"

She nodded and Lyle walked in. She looked at him suspiciously while he dropped into a chair and stretched his legs on her desk.

"Lyle?"

"What?"

"What are you doing?"

"I just came to ask if you felt like going out to dinner tonight."

"With?"

"Me."

Parker raised an eyebrow and laughed.

"What do you want, Lyle?"

"I want to know if you feel like having dinner with me tonight," he repeated.

"You're serious."

"I know we haven't always been close but I'd like to make it up to you. Starting now," Lyle said earnestly.

"I- I don't understand."

"I, uh, well I've always taken it for granted that you're around. And then you were suddenly gone and I felt, I don't know. It's just that I grew up not knowing you and we're twins and I just thought, you know. I'd like us to be family for real."

Parker smiled, thinking that this was the first time she had ever heard Lyle sound unsure of himself.

"I'd love to have dinner with you tonight," she said.

*

15h14

She's so beautiful, I can't believe tonight she'll be mine. Finally. I've been waiting for such a long time. Tonight is the night. I know she's upset but I'm glad that man got away, it means she'll be at home.

She's undressing now. Do you think she knows I'm here? Maybe she's undressing for me.

I shouldn't take her gun. But what if she gets a fright and shoots me? No, it's better that I take it. She looks so beautiful, lying there. She truly is an angel. My angel. Only mine.

No! Don't fight me! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you.

What? Your boyfriend? How dare you? Don't you know you belong to me?

I'm sorry I hit you. You won't listen.

Wasn't that good? Wasn't that perfect? Next time I'll take the handcuffs off. Oh, don't cry. Please don't cry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Here, let me kiss you better.

Who's here? Your boyfriend? Bitch! I'm sorry, I don't mean to hurt you. I love you. You know I love you. You're my life. I've loved since the day I first saw you.

What do you mean you don't know me? I'm sorry. But I have to make you listen.

I have to go. Don't forget me. I love you. I'll see you soon.


Jarod opened his eyes, his heart pounding and tears rolling down his cheeks. He let out a deep breath and slowly stood up, making his way to the bathroom where he threw up. Then he went back to the bedroom to finish the SIM.

I'm sorry I hit you. Please just listen. I don't want to hurt you. I love you.

Wait, you're not her. How could you lie to me? You're not her! I'll make you pay for lying to me!

I hope it hurts! You don't deserve to look like her. You'll never be like her.

Why aren't you breathing? Please breathe. Please, I just wanted to teach you a lesson. You have to breathe. Mr. Raines won't like it if I broke you too.


Jarod couldn't take it anymore. He had to get out of the man's head. At least one good thing had come out of the SIM; Jarod now knew where he needed to look.

"Hel-hello?"

"Mr. Broots?"

"Yes? Can I help you?"

"It's Jarod. I-"

"Ja-Jarod!" Broots almost fell out of his chair.

"Yes. I need your help."

"Y-you need my help?" Broots could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"Please, it's important."

"I can't help you. If I got caught-" He wondered what would happen if the Centre knew he was even having this conversation.

"It's for Parker," Jarod said, hoping to convince him.

Broots sighed. "What do you need me to do?"

*

24 March, 08h26 The Centre

Broots pressed the 'delete' key on his keyboard and it was as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders. He leaned back and jumped in fright as Parker spoke.

"What are you doing?"

"Uh, uh…Morning, Miss Parker."

She frowned as she saw the circles under his eyes.

"Have you been here all night?" Parker demanded.

"Uh, I was, uh, looking for any leads on Jarod," he mumbled.

"Oh. Well, don't work so hard," she said, recalling another conversation with another man.

I wonder what Jarod's doing now. Not thinking about you, that's for damn sure.

*

11h45

YOU'VE GOT MAIL, Jarod's computer beeped and he opened the message, hoping Broots had found what he needed.

He stared at the screen in disbelief.

SHADOW PROJECT

--Objective is to study the limits of human obsession. Previous subjects X005-2930 and G301-4037 failed to complete all tests. New subject S217-3256 is showing great potential.

The subject is a young male with Red File potential. Chosen for project as a result of possessiveness and jealousy he showed during preliminary testing.

It has been decided that the young Miss Parker should be introduced as the object of his affection. He will be given photographs, recordings and objects belonging to her but an actual meeting will never take place. The subject also shows a potential for violence, demonstrated when he killed a rabbit that Miss Parker had shown affection for. The subject was subsequently punished by the removal of his photographs for a short period of time.

Jarod wondered how Mr. Parker could have sanctioned a project like this when the thought occurred to him that he might not have known about it. Raines had been in charge. He had a feeling that it was Raines' idea that Miss Parker be involved in the whole thing.

This is all Raines' fault!

He opened another file to see a face peering out at him.

Oh no!

*

18h35, Mr. Parker's house

"Angel, are you sure I can't help you?" Mr. Parker asked.

"No, Daddy, I've got everything under control."

"Well, can I at least keep you company while you cook?"

She nodded and he was struck by how much she resembled her mother. He remembered Catherine chasing him out of the kitchen to leave her to cook in peace.

"W-e-ll, you could slice potatoes if you have absolutely nothing else to do," she gave in.

"I'd be happy to," he said, picking up a knife.

A man watched from outside.

So this is where you've been hiding. You look happy. Do you miss me?

Don't you touch her! She belongs to me, old man!

I just want you to know that those others meant nothing. You are everything to me, you know that.


"She didn't!" Parker laughed!

"Yes, she did. And then she told me if I ever came in here again while she was cooking that I'd end up in the oven!"

"I miss her."

"Me too, Angel. But she's still with you, there's a part of her that never died."

"I know. But sometimes I can still here her voice. It's strange."

Mr. Parker embraced his daughter. "She loved you very much."

Leave her alone! I'll kill you!

The man hurled himself through the window, landing on the kitchen floor amidst the broken glass. Parker broke away from her father and turned pale when she recognized the intruder.

"No, no, no. Go away!" she screamed.

Mr. Parker stepped in between Parker and the man. As the man lunged forward there was a gunshot and he collapsed. Mr. Parker looked down at his side to see a thin red line of blood.

Jarod climbed through the window, kneeling beside the man to check for a pulse.

"He's dead," he announced. "Mr. Parker, are you okay?"

"I, uh, I think he stabbed me."

Jarod took one look at the growing red patch on Mr. Parker's shirt and dialed 911, handing the phone to Mr. Parker. He turned his attention to Miss Parker, who was sitting on the floor, her arms wrapped around her knees.

"Parker, it's okay. He's gone. He's dead."

She looked up at Jarod, her eyes brimming with tears.

"P-promise?"

"I promise. It's all over."

*

26 March, 11h36 The Centre

Miss Parker was sitting in her office, staring out the window, waiting for the phone to ring.

"What?" she answered.

"How are you?" Jarod asked.

"Good. I'm glad it's all over now."

"How's your father?"

"Fine. Nothing was badly damaged. He's just a little sore."

There was silence. Both had so much to say but neither knew where to start.

"Who was he?" Parker finally asked.

"His name was Emil. He was one of Raines' projects."

"Raines?" Parker asked in a whisper. "It was his fault?"

"Yes. I'm sorry."

"How are you?"

"Fine, why?"

"Well, I know how you feel about killing."

"Parker, I had no choice. He hurt you. He was going to hurt you again. I -if I had to do it all over again, I would."

"Gee, Jar, I didn't know you cared," Parker tried to sound flippant.

She called me Jar!

"Yeah, you did."

"Okay, I did," she admitted.

"So you're sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I'm actually going to go home soon. I feel safe again." Thanks to you she didn't dare add.

"So, uh, what happens now? Is it back to business as usual?"

"Not exactly," she answered mysteriously.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing. Keep well, my friend." I love you.

"You too, Parker. Uh, if you need anything-"

"I know where to find you."

He smiled. "Bye."

"Bye."

Parker didn't put the phone down straight away, but sat listening to the dial tone for a while, thinking about the future. Thanks to Jarod she had a future and despite what anyone at the Centre thought, she owed Jarod his future. She stood up, ignoring the voices that told her she was ugly and dirty. She knew better.

***

Well, I'm glad you made it this far. Now just let me know what you think.









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