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Disclaimer: I do not own the Pretender or any of it's characters. They were created by Steven Long Mitchell and Craig Van Sickle, and belong to whoever owns the show now, which I guess in TNT and Fox.
Authors Note: This is just a short, angsty vignette from Jarod's point of view about the events that happened in The Pretender 2001. I figured that some of the things Alex said to him must have really made him question his life, and figured I'd write about that. This fic is really sort of depressing, I know. But my other fic features a much more innocent, happy Jarod, so I figured I'd do something a little different. Please send some feedback!!!
I Will Survive
by SpaceCadet
Eddie and I used to dream of escaping. We used to sit and talk in hushed tones so that the cameras would not hear about finding our families and living normal happy lives. We thought that after we escaped it would be easy to do. Unfortunately, as I have learned, with the Centre nothing is ever easy. Oh, Eddie had his family and his life for a little while. But in the end, his past caught up with him and ripped everything he had away from him. As for me, they never gave me the chance to have anything. They haven't left me alone for four long years.
Sure, I've helped some people and made some friends, but does any of it matter. I haven't done the one thing I set out to do. I haven't found my mother. And it's beginning to look more and more like I never will. Alex was right. I have nothing of permanance in my life. My dreams of having a normal family will never come true. Kyle is dead. Ethan is missing. Emily is lying weak in a bed recovering somewhere. It seems as though the Centre has dedicated the last forty years to destroying my family. And I can't help feel that it's all because of me. I started it all, didn't I? Why couldn't I just be normal, instead of being a Pretender?
I used to wonder what it would have been like to have been normal. What it would be like to be normal now. What job would I have? Would I be married? Have kids? Asking these questions I got depressed and angry. I'll never be normal, I thought, so why wonder? The Centre has taken any chance I had of being normal away from me. After a while, I stopped wondering and just decided to accept the facts. The Centre is never going to go away. I can't stop it. I'm going to spend an eternity running, constantly looking over my shoulder, never being able to stay in one place for too long.
Some nights I lie in bed, unable to sleep and think about ending it all. Just stopping this entire mess. But then I think about all the people I've helped, and I think about the family I have found. Most of all, I think about Sydney. I think about how much it would disappoint him, how much it would upset him if I did something like that. In my mind I almost become him. I can feel his grief, his pain, and I know that I can't do it. I'll never be able to do it. I told him that I would never give up, and I don't intend to. No, it's like I told Alex. There is always hope. When I think about that, I smile, because I know that as long as there is even a tiny bit of hope out there, I will survive.
Authors Note: This is just a short, angsty vignette from Jarod's point of view about the events that happened in The Pretender 2001. I figured that some of the things Alex said to him must have really made him question his life, and figured I'd write about that. This fic is really sort of depressing, I know. But my other fic features a much more innocent, happy Jarod, so I figured I'd do something a little different. Please send some feedback!!!
I Will Survive
by SpaceCadet
Eddie and I used to dream of escaping. We used to sit and talk in hushed tones so that the cameras would not hear about finding our families and living normal happy lives. We thought that after we escaped it would be easy to do. Unfortunately, as I have learned, with the Centre nothing is ever easy. Oh, Eddie had his family and his life for a little while. But in the end, his past caught up with him and ripped everything he had away from him. As for me, they never gave me the chance to have anything. They haven't left me alone for four long years.
Sure, I've helped some people and made some friends, but does any of it matter. I haven't done the one thing I set out to do. I haven't found my mother. And it's beginning to look more and more like I never will. Alex was right. I have nothing of permanance in my life. My dreams of having a normal family will never come true. Kyle is dead. Ethan is missing. Emily is lying weak in a bed recovering somewhere. It seems as though the Centre has dedicated the last forty years to destroying my family. And I can't help feel that it's all because of me. I started it all, didn't I? Why couldn't I just be normal, instead of being a Pretender?
I used to wonder what it would have been like to have been normal. What it would be like to be normal now. What job would I have? Would I be married? Have kids? Asking these questions I got depressed and angry. I'll never be normal, I thought, so why wonder? The Centre has taken any chance I had of being normal away from me. After a while, I stopped wondering and just decided to accept the facts. The Centre is never going to go away. I can't stop it. I'm going to spend an eternity running, constantly looking over my shoulder, never being able to stay in one place for too long.
Some nights I lie in bed, unable to sleep and think about ending it all. Just stopping this entire mess. But then I think about all the people I've helped, and I think about the family I have found. Most of all, I think about Sydney. I think about how much it would disappoint him, how much it would upset him if I did something like that. In my mind I almost become him. I can feel his grief, his pain, and I know that I can't do it. I'll never be able to do it. I told him that I would never give up, and I don't intend to. No, it's like I told Alex. There is always hope. When I think about that, I smile, because I know that as long as there is even a tiny bit of hope out there, I will survive.
