Suite For A Lonely Heart - by MMB

Chapter 1: Nocturne


It was eight o'clock in the evening, Sydney's favorite time of day at the Centre. Most of the day to day hustle and bustle had long since died down, certainly all the psychological experiments he was involved in had been shelved until morning or the effort to hunt for Jarod had taken a necessary pause to let the hunters rest. In this quiet after-hours time, he knew he was generally free to kick back at his desk and pull out his latest murder mystery and read to unwind before heading home. It was part of a routine he'd established years ago and had yet to find a good reason to alter.

On this particular evening, he had decided not to close the door between his office and the Sim Lab before leaning back in his comfortable leather chair with his book. He was just nicely getting caught up in the opening paragraphs of this new mystery when he heard the automatic door swish and then the mail and document cart rumble into the Sim Lab and up to his office door. If he looked up, he knew he'd see one of the nondescript clerical staff picking up the outgoing documents from the appropriate box on his desk and dropping off his share of incoming to its box. He would have ignored the entire process as he normally did - had his nostrils not picked up the scent of soft flowers on a summer's day.

He leaned forward and raised his head from his book to see who it was that would be wearing such a soft and provocative perfume. The clerical worker was the only other person in the room with him, and he realized it must be she who was wearing the scent. She was modestly dressed in a pastel blue shirt-dress and canvas flats, and she had long dark hair with two striking silver bands that began at her temples that was caught back in a braid that dangled halfway down her back. He looked up into her face and their eyes met as she reached for his outgoing documents, and he drew in a surprised breath at the quiet intelligence and restrained curiosity within her dark-eyed gaze before she dropped her head and went back to concentrating single-mindedly on her task. She didn't look back in his direction again, but gently deposited his offering to her cart in the half-full lower basket and pushed her cart out of the Sim Lab again without a single word.

Sydney settled back into his comfortable chair again, the book in his hands forgotten, and allowed his thoughts free rein to wander. It had been a long time since a female co-worker at the Centre had actually caught his eye and attention. This woman was not young, but she had that grace that bordered on beauty that came to some women with middle age. She must have been new to the task of handling the mail drop because he was certain he would have noticed her had she been in or around the Sim Lab earlier. He had found himself glancing quickly at her hands as she had worked; she wore no wedding ring, which frankly surprised him. His own curiosity piqued, he wondered who she was, how long she'd been with the Centre, and why she hadn't been on the mail drop route before this.

His concentration on his novel broken, and with no further wish to try to immerse himself in a new plot that evening, he slid the paperback into a drawer of his desk and headed for his jacket and beret. It HAD been a long day. He could muse just as effectively at home.

Standing at the elevator, waiting for it to descend all the way from the lobby, he was astonished to hear the sound of the mail cart rumbling up behind him. He turned and found himself once more face to face with soft flowers, blue pastel and intelligent dark eyes. He smiled at her, and saw her face soften just a little bit before she looked back down shyly, he thought, at the contents of her cart.

"Hello," he tried in his most approachable and friendly tone of voice.

She glanced up at him, her lips curling up slightly at the edges. "Hi," she replied in a soft, and melodious contralto voice.

He shifted to the side so that she could stand next to him while they waited for the elevator to arrive. He glanced down at her cart. "Looks like you have a full load tonight," he commented, wishing he could come up with something a little less lame with which to break the ice.

"Yes," she agreed softly, then was silent.

The elevator door whooshed open, and Sydney gallantly put up a hand to prevent it from closing too quickly so that the cart and its driver could enter first, then followed. "Where to?" he asked.

"SL-2," she answered, then gave him a small smile. "Mail room."

"Of course," he smiled back in return, and pushed the buttons for both SL-2 and the garage level. "Are you new here?"

He was gratified to see her look back up at him. "Only to this. I've been working in clerical for a year or so now." The dark eyes regarded him with an expression neither friendly nor hostile. "And you - I remember from your outgoing. You're Doctor..."

"Call me Sydney," Sydney shook his head as he interrupted. "I'm not much of one for formal titles, especially outside of a professional setting." He tipped his head in curiosity. "And you are..."

"Miriam," she answered with a slight blush.

"Miriam," he repeated as if testing the name on his tongue, then nodded. "It suits you."

The edges of her lips curled up again slightly, and then without another word, she looked back down and into her cart self-consciously.

"Is it something I said?" he asked quietly.

She looked up quickly, her expression unreadable. "N...no, of course not. Its just that I was told very specifically NOT to disturb the researchers in the process of picking up mail - and I think I goofed when I came into your office. You looked like you were really concentrating on your book..."

"On a work of fiction," Sydney chuckled in relief, glad to let his new acquaintance off of her self-assigned hook of guilt, "on a murder mystery novel. You didn't bother me, Miriam. I was reading to relax before leaving."

The smile that spread across her face was far more free and open, clearly relieved. "Oh, I'm so glad! It was nice to get out of the secretary's pool and walk around for a change; I was so disgusted with myself for having messed up my chance to keep the mail drop job."

"I'm glad I could set your mind to rest, then."

At that moment, the door slid open at SL-2, and Sydney gallantly helped her ease her mail cart over the obstructive threshold between elevator car and sublevel floor. "Good evening, then," he said, tugging at the visor of his beret at her.

"And to you too," she said softly with a smile, then turned to push her cart down the hall as the elevator door slid shut and shut away her view of Sydney.

~~~~~~~~

"Am I your last stop before heading back to the mail room?" Sydney asked her curiously as Miriam reached for the inevitable pile of outgoing mail. He had found lately that he was anticipating the eight PM hour more and more, and not just for the value of the quiet time he got to spend with his murder mysteries anymore. Indeed, Miriam arrived to pick up his outgoing at eight PM like clockwork. Several times he had managed to cautiously engage her in short, light conversations, and he had come away from the encounters inevitably wanting to know her better yet.

"No, yours is the first office on this level that I visit - I have five other stops to make. But this is the last level I visit before heading back to the mail room." She smiled at him across the desk and then deposited his mail. "Why?"

"No reason really," he admitted with a chagrined look on his face. "So, how do you like the mail drop job, now that you've been at it for a while?"

She lowered her gaze to her mail cart and busied herself by arranging the mountain of outgoing mail into a pile that wasn't threatening to spill onto the floor. "It's a nice way of ending the day," she said finally, then looked up. "After sitting at a computer terminal and typing all day, getting up and walking six sublevels' worth of offices is a relief."

"You get off work after you make your delivery?" Sydney asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

Miriam nodded gently, still without looking at him. "Speaking of which, I need to get going..." she said quietly, beginning to move her cart towards the office door.

"Miriam?" She paused in her escape and turned at the sound of her name.

Sydney had leaned forward, and his chestnut eyes were filled with a hesitant hope. "I was wondering if you would consider dinner with me after work some evening."

She stared at him, stunned. "Me?"

"Yes, you," he reassured her with an inviting smile. "I think I'd like the chance to get to know you a little better outside work."

She had already started shaking her head before he'd finished his comment. "I don't think so, Sydney. I always need to get straight home and cook for my mother."

"You take care of your mother?" He asked in surprise, then filed the information away as she nodded her answer. "Well, how about I pick you up after you fix her meal that evening then?" When he saw her hesitate, he pressed on, "That way your mother's schedule isn't disrupted, and you and I would still get an opportunity to dine together."

"You're serious!" From her expression and tone of voice, Sydney could see clearly that the idea astounded her. He rose and came around his desk toward her.

"I assure you that I'm not in the habit of asking a lady to dine when I have no intention of actually taking her to a restaurant," he smiled at her. "So, what do you say?"

"I..." Miriam blushed slightly. "I think I'd enjoy that," she admitted finally. "When?"

Sydney let go of a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and relaxed into a smile. "Would tomorrow evening be too soon?"

Those dark and intelligent eyes looked up into his, and the cautious happiness they contained touched him deeply. "No, tomorrow evening would be fine. It lets me give my mother fair warning."

Giving in to a rare fit of impulsiveness, Sydney reached for her hand - the one closest to him - as it sat on the handle of the cart, and he bowed over it gallantly as he brought it to his lips. "Until tomorrow evening, then," he said softly.

Miriam blushed again and very carefully retrieved her hand from his keeping. "Good night, Sydney," she murmured, flustered, and immediately pushed her cart through the Sim Lab door and turned down the corridor.

Sydney smiled to himself and returned to his desk and the murder mystery laying face-down on his blotter, reliving the sensation of the soft hand he had held for an all too short time in his. He picked up the book and yet couldn't bring himself to immerse himself once more in the complicated story. Instead, he leaned the spine of the book against his lips as he pondered the question of which restaurant he intended to patronize the next evening.

"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary, Syd," Miss Parker's voice sounded from the direction of the office door. "Wanna share?"

Sydney glanced up with an enigmatic smile teasing the corners of his mouth to see the tall brunette leaning nonchalantly against his doorjamb. "You're working late this evening, Miss Parker," he observed instead of answering. "What brings you to my office at this hour?"

"I'm actually on my way out at last," she said, stepping into the office at last, putting her hands forward and showing that one held her briefcase and her jacket was draped over the other. "I saw your office light on, and was thinking maybe I could get you to escort a lady to her car." Her grey eyes twinkled with restrained mischief. "Besides, you spend altogether too much time at the Centre, you know..."

"Something you're aware of only because you're here at least as much as I am," he reminded her with an amused snort.

"Of course," her smile was both sweet and dangerous, a dichotomy that seemed to define her nature to a "t". "And knowing how much I suffer from spending too much time here, it only stands to reason that I'd want to save one of my oldest and dearest friends from the same problem. More importantly," she commented with a sniff, "you're the only true gentleman in this whole joint, and a lady of my station shouldn't waste any opportunity to monopolize your time that comes her way."

Sydney chuckled openly at her now. "You're incorrigible, you know," he chortled as he put his bookmark in the mystery to mark his place and slid the book into the drawer.

"And damned proud of it," she retorted with an echoing chuckle in her own voice.

"As if I hadn't noticed," he answered, finding her playful mood a delightful encore to his evening. What was more, he was very aware that such moods from her were rarities to be savored and appreciated. "You're in rather high spirits this evening," he commented, rising and heading for the coat rack. "Wanna share?"

Miss Parker shifted her jacket to the other arm and then cupped a hand around her ear. "I could SWEAR there's an echo in here this evening," she shot back, then smiled at him impishly. When his eyebrows climbed his forehead once more in astonishment and he paused in the act of putting on the beret, she chuckled openly. "What's the matter, Syd?" she asked, claiming his arm with her free hand.

"Are you sure you're not unwell, Parker," he asked her in a quiet and deeply amused voice as they walked together towards the elevator door. "You're having entirely too much fun to have put in a full hard day's work here..."

"Actually, Syd, I've never felt more like celebrating than I do right now," she admitted, watching him punch the button. "It isn't often that I get a chance to watch Lyle get seriously dressed down by Mr. Raines."

"You're kidding!"

"Seems Raines had Lyle doing an independent hunt for Jarod, using “other” resources - which turned out to be totally useless." Miss Parker's laugh this time was slightly less than kind. "Raines wasn't amused."

The elevator door slid open, and the two stepped inside. "I wouldn't imagine so," Sydney chuckled, his mind painting an interesting portrait of the event as he turned to push the button for the lobby.

"I never thought I'd enjoy a meeting in Raines' office so much," Miss Parker continued to laugh, and tightened her grip on Sydney's arm possessively. "I just had to share it with somebody who'd appreciate it..."

Sydney glanced over at Miss Parker indulgently. He had watched her grow from a grief-stricken little girl into a beautiful and strong woman, and through the years she had become very dear to him. He cherished every spontaneously unguarded moment with her that came his way, painfully aware of both the rarity of those moments as well as the mystery of how long it would be until the next one made its unexpected appearance.

He glanced up as the elevator door began closing to see Miriam just starting to head down the corridor towards the elevator. She looked up just in time to see him standing there, a gentle and loving smile on his face and a beautiful and much younger woman clinging possessively to his arm. Sydney was so startled at the development that he froze, giving the elevator door the time to slide completely shut.

The look on Miriam's face in response to what she had seen had been one that caused his heart to sink despite the buoyancy Miss Parker's mood had brought him. But he quietly tucked that worry away into a hidden recess of his mind for later chafing in order not to disrupt the flow of the banter between himself and the woman on his arm.

~~~~~~~~

Never had a day gone by so slowly, and never had he been so tempted to abandon his research subjects to their own devices for a time while he went up the many levels to the clerical floor to seek someone out. But Sydney rigorously schooled himself to patience and forced himself to concentrate on his research and give Miss Parker a proper professional level of psychological consultation as she brought the latest breadcrumbs from Jarod to him for interpretation. It was decided, eventually, that these latest clues were simply Jarod's way of playing with their minds - there would be no frantic jaunt to Atlanta this day. Syd breathed a sigh of relief that his evening would continue to be free to spend as he wished, and so he graciously escorted Miss Parker out of the Sim Lab to continue with his other duties.

When the evening finally did roll around and the research subjects had departed, Sydney chose not to pull the murder mystery from its drawer at all, but rather to stretch back in his comfortable leather office chair and await the 8 o'clock mail run with hopeful anticipation and pleasant reminisces. He didn't regret in the least the time he'd spent with Miss Parker the previous evening; they had had a very enjoyable time together. He had allowed her to talk him into letting her treat him to a few drinks in an upscale tavern in the middle of the tiny Blue Cove business district, but he then insisted that the dinner that followed was his treat. Somehow they had managed to avoid all work-related topics, including any mention of Jarod, and so Miss Parker had continued in her unguarded and buoyant good humor for the entire evening.

But still, the look on Miriam's face...

He sighed in relief when he heard the swish of the automatic door of the Sim Lab and then the rumble of the mail cart approaching his office door. He was disappointed, then, after that rush of hope to see an unfamiliar and nondescript young man at the helm of the metal cart reaching out for the pile of out-going and depositing the new deliveries on his desk.

"Where's Miriam tonight?" Sydney asked with a very slight frown.

"She wasn't feeling well today and asked me if I would spell her on the mail-drop run tonight," the young man offered easily. "I think she was hoping to get off a little early too."

Sydney rose from behind his desk quickly, snatched up his beret, jacket and briefcase and made a quick exit. He punched impatiently at the elevator button, then stewed in frustration at the time the elevator took to bring him up to the garage level. The moment the doors slid open, he pushed through and out into the dimly-lit parking facility and looked around. There was no movement, no sounds of a car engine or footsteps in the distance.

Deciding to take a chance that he'd managed to beat her to the garage, he set his briefcase down on the cement and folded his jacket a little more carefully so he could drape it over his arm. He then leaned against a support pillar with a deceptively nonchalant posture and settled back to wait for a while to see what happened.

He watched the elevator deliver its load three or four times before, at last, Miriam was among the small knot of tired employees heading home for the day. Not even noticing the man standing just a short distance away, her eyes searched down in the opposite direction from him to locate her car, then her gaze dropped to watch her step as she began walking slowly down toward the endless line of vehicles. Sydney frowned. She did look tired, defeated. Maybe she actually was ill.

"Miriam? Wait..."

She looked up, startled and astonished, then stopped. "Sydney!" Obviously, she hadn't expected to see him at all.

Sydney straightened and retrieved his briefcase from the cement and made his way over to her. "I missed you on the mail run this evening. Your friend who took your place said you weren't well, and I wanted to make sure everything was alright - and maybe reschedule our dinner to an evening when you felt better." He looked at her closely. "You do look a bit pale..."

"I thought..."

"Yes..." He had an idea what she'd thought, but waited for her to voice it.

Her eyes finally came up in almost defiant hopelessness. "I saw you yesterday evening, with that beautiful woman on your arm."

"I know you did. I was hoping you'd give me a chance to tell you about her." he said gently, with a touch of wistful reproach.

"Sydney," she sighed, then shook her head. "Look, you don't have to explain, you don't owe me anything. I understand. She really is very striking, and obviously has a wonderful sense of humor and personality. I can see why..."

"That was Miss Parker, the Chairman's daughter," Sydney began gently, inserting his words into the small pause when Miriam took a breath. The statement made her blink and genuinely pause so that he could continue. "I've known her since she was a very small child. I was a friend of her mother's, many years ago - and at the moment, I sometimes consult on a project of hers. We are old and good friends - at best, I'm like an uncle to her."

"Oh..." Miriam had the good sense to blush. "I thought..."

"I know what you thought," he remarked with a soft voice. "It was written all over your face last night." He reached out his free hand and carefully took hold of one of the hands from where she had folded them across her chest protectively. "As an old friend, she came to me when she decided she had something she wanted to celebrate. Such things don't happen often for her, and its even rarer when she decides to share such things with me or anyone else." He smiled with the memory. "But just because I spent one evening with her doesn't mean that I wasn't looking forward to spending an evening with you - that I don't STILL look forward to spending an evening with you," he affirmed with feeling, "when you're feeling better, that is..."

"You must think I'm acting quite foolishly," she said, looking down at her shoes in chagrin.

"Actually," Sydney admitted with a smile, "I'm feeling a little complimented." That made her look back up at him with raised eyebrows. He gave a shrug that was very Belgian which made her lips twitch in the beginnings of a smile. "That's much better," he remarked. "You look much better when you're smiling, as do we all."

"I'm sor..."

"Ah-ah-ah," he cautioned, wagging a forefinger at her that dragged her still imprisoned hand along with it. "No apologies. Just answer me one question."

Miriam's other arm had slowly uncrossed from in front of her as she'd grown used to his retaining possession of her hand, and now it slipped behind her in a shy movement. "What?" she asked softly, looking up into his face hesitantly.

"When WOULD you like to have dinner?"

Her eyes grew wide. "You're kidding! After my gigantic faux pas just now, are you sure you still..."

Sydney shook his head in disbelief, and then sighed. He inhaled once more, gathering in a hint of her soft scent of flowers and summer sunshine. "Miriam, why is it so hard for you to believe that I really do want to take you to dinner?"

"Because..." she couldn't continue, nor continue to meet his gaze.

"Would you rather not?"

That brought her gaze back to his face in a hurry. "NO! That's not..."

"Then what?" he insisted gently. "If you're not feeling well tonight..."

"I'm just afraid you're going to be disappointed," she finally said in a whisper. "You're so much more traveled and knowledgeable than I. I'm just a secretary who has been to New York City maybe twice in her life who has an invalid mother instead of a social life." She looked at him, sadness shadowing her dark eyes. "You can do better than me, Sydney. Really."

"I'd like the opportunity to make that determination for myself," he countered, tightening his hand around hers. "I happen to think I won't be disappointed at all - that you're underestimating yourself desperately - and I intend to prove that to you myself, at dinner. So, if not tonight, when?"

His chestnut eyes caught and held hers, and she finally could see that he wasn't going to let the matter go without a more definitive word from her. "You're a very persistent man."

He smiled encouragingly at her. "And you're avoiding the question."

She smiled in embarrassment. "You're right," she admitted in a once more chagrined voice. She hesitated, then looked up at him with that same hint of cautious happiness that had been behind her gaze the previous evening. "OK. If you still want to do this tonight..."

"It isn't a question of what I want, anymore; and it doesn't have to be tonight," he informed her gently. "If you truly don't feel well, I don't want you to feel pressured..."

"Well," she finally admitted softly, "Truth is, I made that excuse just so that you wouldn't have to tell me the dinner was off after all. I'm feeling fine - a bit foolish and adolescent, but not ill."

With that, Sydney straightened and shifted his hold on her hand so that it was a gentleman's grasp on her fingers. "In that case, could I have the pleasure of your company at dinner this evening after all?"

"Yes," she answered softly. "I think I'd like that." Then she blinked as a thought occurred, and she looked up at him warily. "I have to see to my mother first, though..."

"I remember your telling me about that yesterday," Sydney nodded. "Look... My car's just over here. Let me drive you to yours and then follow you to your house. I'll be your chauffeur from there"

"You won't mind coming in for a few minutes while I set things together for her, will you?" she asked shyly. "Knowing mother, she's going to want to know who it is I'm having dinner with after all... She knows I don't think about going out much anymore, and she saw how dis..." She saw him gazing at her indulgently. "Forget it. Will you come in?"

"It would be my pleasure." He smiled more widely and bowed over her hand. "If I can finally convince you to go out to dinner with me, I think I can handle being checked out by your mother beforehand..." he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye as he looked back up at her.

Finally, reassured, Miriam broke out an open, more relaxed and unrestrained smile, and Sydney was even more certain that this retiring and shy woman that had so inexplicably caught his attention would be well worth knowing better. At least now, at last, he would have the chance to find out.

~~~~~~~~

Sydney shamelessly indulged his whim to inhale deeply of his passenger's summer flowers scent once more. Were the car not moving, he would have indulged his other whim and feasted his eyes upon the beautiful woman at his side. Patience, he schooled himself mentally; you can look your fill at the restaurant, so for now, keep your eyes on the road.

It had taken Miriam but a half-hour or so for her to prepare her mother's meal and set the old woman up for herself for the evening. She had then disappeared into the back regions of the apartment to change into a less severe but obviously more formal pantsuit. She then unbraided and brushed out her hair and caught the curls back from her face with long but dainty silver combs that held them tumbling in wild abandon down the back.

During this time, Sydney was reminded of just how a callow youth felt when obliged to cool his heels and wait upon the final preparations of his sweet young date. It didn't help that Miriam's mother, Sarah, had been a gracious silver-haired lady who retained a keen and penetrating mind and obvious interest in her daughter's new companion despite being confined to a wheelchair. She had rescued him from simply sitting on a modest couch with his hands in his lap feeling useless, however, by pointedly engaging him in light conversation about current events on the local scene - topics chosen carefully to avoid any potential points of dissent between strangers thrown together by circumstances.

During the inevitable lulls in that conversation, Sydney had a chance to look about the apartment with interest. Photographs of what must have been other family members sat on or hung over matched bookcases filled with a set of encyclopaedia and other hardbound books. In a corner was an upright piano upon which a sheet of fairly complicated-looking sheet music sat as if just waiting for the musician of the house to sit down and start playing again.

"That's Miriam's baby," Sarah had commented proudly when she saw the man sitting patiently in her living room waiting on her daughter give the piano a second glance. "She's played ever since she was a child, and spends hours at it now that she's here taking care of me. She's really very good. I think she might have gone into music as a career if... if things hadn't worked out differently for her."

Sydney would have pursued a line of polite questions regarding his intended date, except that at that moment, Miriam had emerged from the kitchen drying her hands on a towel and announcing that her mother's dinner was served and that they could now leave. Sydney had risen and bowed graciously over Sarah's offered hand. "It was very nice to have met you," he had told the old woman in his most polite tone.

"Thank you for being so kind as to keep an old woman company for a short while," Sarah had responded with a knowing sparkle in her eye. "You will take good care of my Miriam for me, won't you?"

Miriam had looked down and blushed, and Sydney had smiled at the sight and turned back to the old woman. "It will be my pleasure to do so."

"Have fun, you two, then," Sarah had said finally with a wave and, taking the wheels of her chair in obviously practiced hands, had headed off for the kitchen table where her meal awaited her while Sydney and Miriam took their leave.

"Thank you for being so patient with me, and for being kind to Mom," Miriam commented softly, as if feeling the attention of her companion on her despite his pointedly keeping his eyes conservatively on the road.

"Your mother is a very interesting and intelligent woman," Sydney responded, glad to see her reticence at starting conversations had subsided as the surroundings had become more informal. "We had an interesting conversation while you were busy."

"I'm sorry if I took too long..."

Glancing over at her, Sydney stretched out his right hand and claimed her left. "Stop worrying so much. I enjoyed talking to your mother. She told me, for example, that the piano in the corner was yours - that you play well."

"She's biased," Miriam replied quickly. "She has to listen to me when I play - she knows that if she gives me too bad a time, I start playing Bach inventions. She HATES those..." She looked over at Sydney and smiled shyly.

"She commented that you might have gone into music for your living."

"Well, we all know how the dreams of youth and the reality of adult life rarely resemble each other," Miriam stated cryptically, and gently reclaimed possession of her hand.

"I didn't mean to bring up unpleasantries," he responded quickly and apologetically. "I'm sorry if I was getting too personal..."

"No, its OK," Miriam sighed. "She's right - and my life is an open book. There WAS a time I was thinking about going to Julliard. Things didn't work out so that I could do that, however. I got pregnant right out of high school, and there was never enough money for me to continue my education at all after my daughter was born."

"How old is your daughter now?" Sydney asked, moving to a safer topic. He thought.

"She died when she was twelve," she answered very softly. "There was a car accident, she was thrown clear and died instantly."

"Mon Dieu! I'm so sorry - I seem to be hitting all the wrong buttons tonight, don't I?"

Miriam looked over at her companion and saw his glance of concern and smiled sadly at him. "I told you that you could do better than me," she reminded him with a wistful note.

"Uh-unh," he shook his head at her. "We all have tragedies in our backgrounds; its just that for some of us, the tragedies sit a little closer to our daily lives than for others. This evening, however, we each start with a blank slate. I find out a little bit about your tragedies, and you find out a bit about mine - but we will both find out more about who we are now. We are more than our personal griefs, you know." He glanced over and saw her looking at him with wide eyes and shrugged. "Hey, I'm a shrink, remember? If I can't cut loose with some psychological gobbledy-gook every once in a while, who can?"

Another glance at the passenger side of the car found the passenger now smiling softly in amusement. "That's better," he commented with a smile of his own as he guided his car into the parking lot of the local steak house and slipped into a space near the entrance. "You're smiling again."

She turned her dark eyes on the man behind the steering wheel, touched that he seemed to care about her happiness. "Its hard not to, when you're working so hard to make this an enjoyable evening," she responded softly. "It's been a long time since anyone has gone this far out of their way to make me happy."

The two of them climbed from the car, and Sydney extended his elbow for her to hold onto as they walked up to the entrance together. Once he felt her soft touch accept his proffered arm, he placed his other hand over hers gently. "That is everybody else's loss, then," he stated in soto voce and then used that hand to reach out for the door handle.

"Well, well, what do we have here?" an insolent voice drawled from behind the couple.

Sydney could feel Miriam's start through her captured hand, and then felt her shrink almost against him as she half-turned at the sound of the voice with a sigh. "Carl, please..."

Sydney turned with Miriam to face the unkempt and skeletal man who had come up behind them. "Excuse us," the psychiatrist said in a quiet voice, "we're not bothering you. Please leave us be."

"Hooo-hooooo!" the walking skeleton responded in an exaggerated manner that evidenced his intoxication, and Sydney could now smell the whiskey on the man's breath. "Hey, Mir - got yersel' a fancy dude, eh?"

Sydney turned his back on the man and leaned toward Miriam. "Go on in," he directed gently. "The proprietors here won't allow that man to follow us in." He grasped the door and pulled it open quickly, but the drunk had reached out as well and caught Miriam's elbow and jerked her hand from Sydney's keeping.

"Let go of me, Carl," Miriam said firmly, trying to pull her arm from the drunk's custody.

"You don't need none o' them dudes, Mir," Carl slurred as he tried to pull the woman closer to him. "You know that..."

Sydney caught at the hand Miriam had extended out to him in an attempt to pull herself free. "Do you know this man?" he asked her incredulously.

"What!" the drunk laughed unpleasantly. "You didn't tell him..."

Miriam gave a gigantic jerk and freed herself from Carl's grasp and allowed herself to be pulled quickly and surely into Sydney's protective embrace. "Yes," she said in a very disgruntled voice. "I know him. This is my ex-husband." She leaned toward the drunk angrily. "Emphasis on the EX, Carl."

The maitre'd poked his head out through the entrance, having been drawn by the sound of raised voices. "Are you folks having problems out here?"

"Butt out, monkey-suit," Carl began belligerently.

"Indeed," Sydney interrupted him, no longer even attempting to be polite or hide his frustration. He pointed at Carl and addressed himself to the restaurant employee. "I'd be grateful for your help here. This man is harrassing my companion and myself, and preventing us from enjoying our meal." He looked down at the woman he now held close. "Are you alright?" She nodded against him, looking out at her assailant with wide, frustrated eyes.

The maitre'd stepped through the entrance and proceeded to place his taller, well-muscled body between the couple and the drunk. "OK. Move it along, buddy," he directed in a no-nonsense tone, "before I call the police on you and have you arrested for trespassing." He placed one strong arm on the drunk's shoulder and grabbed his grimy shirt collar with the other and physically heisted the drunk down the restaurant walkway and back to the public street. "And don't let me catch you hassling my customers later," the bigger man threatened in a tone that had turned dangerous when Carl whirled unsteadily and seemed to be considering lunging at the maitre'd after all.

Meanwhile Sydney had quickly ushered Miriam through the doors of the restaurant the moment the maitre'd had taken charge of the situation, not letting go of her until the doors had closed completely behind them and they were out of sight from anybody standing outside. "Are you sure you're OK?" he asked solicitously.

"I'm sorry that had to happen, Sydney," Miriam replied in a thoroughly defeated tone. "You didn't need to see that..." She couldn't bring herself to face him. "I'll understand if you'd rather we just not..."

"You know, never, in all my life, have I ever met a woman more determined to convince me NOT to be interested in her - even as I escort her into a restaurant for dinner." Sydney sighed in mild frustration, then reached out and lifted Miriam's face with a gently finger beneath her chin. "Considering what I just witnessed, however, I have a sneaky suspicion that most of that comes from a certain somebody having convinced you that you have no right to happiness - if not with him, that is. Am I right?"

"Sydney..." she began hesitantly, only to hush when a finger landed against her lips.

"Am I right?" he asked in a low voice.

Finally, reluctantly, she nodded. "In many ways, yes."

"Then I want you to consider this fair warning," he responded, cupping a cheek in the palm of his hand. "You said before that I was an persistent man. Well, I intend to show you just how persistent a man I CAN be, when the need arises. Even if it's our destiny to be only good friends." The dark eyes raised at last to look into his, and for once the expression within those dark orbs was open and filled with hopeful longing.

"I'd like to be at least friends," she said softly, putting a hand very gently against his chest.

"Ahem..." the maitre'd cleared his throat behind them from the door. "Were you folks wanting a table for two?"

With difficulty Sydney pulled his eyes from those bottomless pools of ebony. "Yes. Please. A quiet corner where we can have some privacy, if you can."

"If you will follow me, please..." The black-suited man turned and began to wind his way through the tables.

Sydney put out a hand and threaded his fingers among hers when she put her hand in his without hesitation. "Come on, then," he said gently and, together, they followed the maitre'd.

~~~~~~~~

"Thank you for a lovely evening," Miriam said softly as Sydney pulled his car to a halt in front of the lighted gates of her apartment complex.

Sydney put the vehicle in park, turned off the motor and turned to gaze at his passenger. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself," he replied with a smile, reaching for a hand that no longer seemed too shy to stay in his for very long. "And despite a rocky start to the evening, I want you to know that I enjoyed myself immensely. Thank you for coming with me."

He climbed from behind the wheel, walked briskly around the front of the car and gallantly opened her door for her and handed her out. Then, tucking her hand comfortably into the crook of his elbow again, he escorted her up the walk to the gate. Once inside the gate, however, he tugged at her hand to slow down rather than walk slowly toward the door of her apartment.

"I would like to see you again," he announced gently, pulling her over to a semi-secluded and vine-sheltered alcove near the gate where they could talk without being seen or overheard.

"I'd like that too," she answered, letting him draw her closer in the darkness. "I haven't enjoyed an evening - or the company - this much in a very long time. I wish the evening didn't have to end."

Indeed, the evening had been thoroughly enjoyable for the both of them. As Sydney had predicted, and spurred on by the near disaster in front of the restaurant, each had let the other in on their respective private tragedies. Then, once those were disposed of, the topic of conversation had varied greatly, from exploring her music to discussing his psychological research into twins. He had shown both interest and knowledge about music of a classical aficionado, and she had demonstrated that having stopped formal schooling and having worked to support first herself and a daughter and then herself and an invalid mother had not stopped her interest in educating herself. Their conversation had been both animated and intelligent.

Sydney couldn't believe that he hadn't discovered Miriam long before this, and he counted himself lucky to have found her even now. Once tucked into the quiet corner of the restaurant, he had indeed satisfied his whim to feast his eyes endlessly on her casual and mature grace and beauty even as he explored her mind, which could run like quicksilver from topic to topic without confusion. He found himself quickly trying to remember Centre policy on fraternization between employees in different departments to make sure nothing would stand in his way of pursuing a friendly relationship that might - just might - become more than that. He couldn't remember anything specific, and in a fit of impulsiveness decided not to worry about it until or unless it became a problem.

For her part, Miriam had been utterly charmed by the continental charm that seemed to be the defining factor of Sydney's nature. He had been open and forthright when questioned about his own family, not shying away from the tragedy of concentration camps or the recent death of his brother. In turn, and since he had already met Carl, there was no reason to shy away from her husband's liability in their daughter's death - or the way in which not even a divorce had protected her from his drunken excesses until her mother had gotten ill.

As the conversation had moved to less painful topics, she had found herself thoroughly fascinated by the mixture of poet, philosopher and scientist that he'd shown himself to be. Never in all her years had she considered that such an accomplished man would look in her direction, much less be in the least bit interested in anything she had to say. And yet Sydney had seemed to appreciate her love for music and love for her instrument in much the same way her mother did, and let her know that he hoped one day to hear her play even as he enthralled her with the details of his own psychological research. In a fit of insecurity, she wondered if there was any policy at the Centre that would prevent her from seeing this intriguing and captivating man again, and decided that until or unless the matter were mentioned by her supervisor, it would be none of anybody else's business.

Now, standing in the dark and secluded leafy alcove of her apartment complex with this gentle and considerate man, she found herself feeling very much like the schoolgirl she once had been. She was both excited by his very closeness and almost frightened by the strength of her own physical response to him so soon into their relationship. She had left her hand in his keeping, having come over the course of the evening to enjoy the sensation of his touch; and now his grasp on her fingers had grown warm as his gentle tugging brought their bodies to brush against each other softly.

Sydney felt her move willingly toward him with his slightest touch, and his pulse jumped and raced in triumph. It had been a very long time since he'd felt so affected by the proximity of a beautiful woman, and even longer since such a woman had apparently felt the same way about him. With a nervousness that again recalled the callowness of youth to him, he reached up a gentle hand and caressed her soft cheek with the backs of his fingers while his other hand carefully found her waist to bring her closer still. The sensation of drawing her, pliant and willing, into his arms was a heady intoxicant. He had dreamed of holding her in his arms this way all evening - indeed, he'd dreamed of holding her many times during their cautious acquaintance otherwise; having the dream now become reality was pleasure beyond imagination.

Miriam smiled at the very gentle, non-threatening, advances he was taking and put her hands at his waist and let them slide slowly to circle his back loosely in encouragement as he drew her closer still. Then, bending, he brushed his lips against hers very softly -almost as if by accident. The rush of her pulse at this shy, tender kiss was unlike anything she'd experienced. She felt him pull back and then hesitate there, pausing as if giving her a chance and permission to prevent him from attempting the same again. Instead, she stretched up a bit so her lips could softly find first his neck and then his lips as they came down seeking hers again more insistently at her touch.

The hand at her waist slid all the way around her back and pulled her even tighter to him as the kiss quickly deepened from a gentle exploring to something far more intense. His fingers at her face impulsively curled around her neck and then tangled themselves with abandon in the tumbling curls as the kiss deepened. At his back, her arms tightened around him and held him to her as well, one hand finally smoothing up until she caught at his shoulder as her own excitement grew. It was the lack of oxygen, then, that forced them to end the kiss. They stared at each other, breathless and almost surprised, for a short time.

Then Sydney's other arm slid around her and encircled her completely, pulling her as close into his embrace as he could as he dropped a gentle kiss first to a cheek, and then to an earlobe. "You know, if I don't let you go now," he rumbled into that ear in a low voice with lips that teased the nerve endings of her earlobe and thrilled her to her toes, "I may not be able to let you go at all."

"I don't know that I want you to let me go," Miriam whispered back at him almost hoarsely. She retrieved her arms from around his back and wound them up and around his neck and pulled him down toward her as he bent quickly and kissed her again deeply this time, responding to him fully at last. With two hearts pounding hard in sympathetic rhythm, and two bodies pressed together so tightly that there was no doubt in either mind as to the degree of passionate response of each to the other, the kiss lasted longer than either had ever imagined. Again, only the lack of oxygen obliged them finally, reluctantly, to part.

This time, however, Sydney didn't hesitate. He began to rain hot kisses down the column of her neck and then kissed his way back up to nibble provocatively on her earlobe again. He thrilled in every fiber of his being when he heard her very first, very soft moan of pleasure at his caresses, having to fight the urge to sweep her off her feet right then and there and carry her off. Instead, he buried his nose in her fragrant hair and pulled her as close as he could, letting their mutual excitement calm down a little in a tight embrace. "I don't want to let you go," he breathed heavily into her ear, "but I don't want to rush things either." He loosened his grip on her and put hands on both sides of her face so that he could look at her directly. "God help me, I want you more than I've wanted any woman in a very long time," he admitted with honesty and feeling, "but I want things between us to be right and good first, so that whatever is to be between us will last beyond just the moment."

Miriam pulled one hand down from around his neck and stroked his face gently before tangling her fingers once more in the hair at the nape of his neck provocatively. "You are the first man in my whole life that has ever cared as much or more about what might be than of instant satisfaction of urges," she whispered softly in amazement. A tear fell from one dark eye to her cheek, sparkling as it passed through a swatch of dappled moonlight. "I swear, Sydney, you've made me feel more pretty and wanted in these past few hours than I've ever felt in my life. And God help ME, because if you asked me to be with you tonight, I wouldn't be able to tell you no." She closed her eyes as she felt his hand at the side of her face stroke her cheek tenderly again, wiping away the errant tear. She turned her head to kiss the fingers. "I want you too, Sydney, more than you'll ever know. But for once in my life, and maybe because it IS you, I want more than just one night or just a fling."

"Have dinner with me tomorrow night," he exclaimed as he pulled her close to his heart again. "Let me be with you again tomorrow for a little while, at least."

"Yes, please," she answered quietly, snuggling into his arms as if she'd always known she had a place there and feeling him fold his embrace - his entire posture - around her protectively like a blanket in response. "You'll follow me home after work, like tonight?"

"I would follow you anywhere," he remarked warmly, shamelessly savoring the feel of her body still pressed tightly against his and breathing in the scent of her hair and her summer flowers perfume. He got the feeling that his life was suddenly standing at a crossroads, with a change of direction definitely in the wind. This was contentment - complete and fulfilling.

"Will you see me to my door?" she asked with a contented and throaty voice that excited him even more than before.

He bent to capture her lips in a tender and gentle kiss that hummed with well-restrained passion on both parts. "Just try and stop me," he replied with a smile. He let go his tight hold on her and just stood with his arms looped about her waist. "Do you suppose your mother's still up?"

"No doubt she's waiting for my full report," Miriam chuckled, leaning into him and warmed by the knowledge that she could do such a thing freely. "I'll have to try to figure out how much to tell her."

Sydney joined in the chuckle. Then, with Miriam tucked in close under his arm and feeling her wrap an arm tightly around his waist in response, he began once more sauntering in the direction of her apartment door. "Let me know what you decide when I see you at work tomorrow evening," he suggested after thinking it through. "I'll need to know what I might be facing tomorrow evening when I stop by."

He turned her in his arms as they arrived on her threshold and gazed down into her dark, intelligent eyes to lose himself in the ebony depths. Unable to resist the temptation to touch her and hold her again, his hands came up and framed her face gently between his palms. "Where have you been hiding all this time?"

"Down in clerical," she quipped with a sly smile, "with the rest of the mere mortals."

"I never thought I'd be so thankful for that stupid mail drop cart," he responded, letting the smile on his face grow serious. He bent once more and kissed her lips gently. "Good night, my Miriam. Sleep well."

Miriam's pulse raced once more at the gentle possessive he'd used so automatically, amazed at how cared for and secure that simple statement had made her. She didn't even stop to consider not returning the sentiment in full measure. "Good night, my Sydney," she responded, claiming him back in a vibrant contralto, then reached up once more to stroke the side of his face and then run soft, gentle fingertips across his mouth to trace the outline of his lips in an incredibly sensual caress.

He closed his eyes and kissed the fingers before they moved away, knowing once more the strong urge to catch her up in his arms and carry her off into the night. He took a deep breath and then stepped back quickly, retaining tenuous hold of just one hand finally. "Go in now, before I decide I can't be without you after all," he said in a voice low and vibrating with want and feeling.

She slowly and reluctantly pulled free of his grasp and then obeyed him, drawing out her key and unlocking the front door under his watchful guard. "Good night," she repeated, then softly closed the door behind her.

Sydney stared at the closed door of the apartment for a moment, his arms feeling suddenly empty and cold without her in them. For a third time in very short order he was struck by an almost overwhelming temptation to knock on that door and demand that she come home with him anyway, to hell with the repercussions - but again he brutally forced himself to patience. Miriam was too fine a woman and this budding relationship between them too new and full of potential to risk ruining with impetuousness. Instead, he turned away and walked toward the entrance gate of the complex before he could be tempted again - forcing himself to walk away in order not to face a fourth internal battle that he wasn't sure he could withstand.

His step down the narrow sidewalk had a spring to it that it hadn't had in a very long time, however. As he pressed on the key to unlock his car and walked around the front to the driver's door, he couldn't resist reliving again the sensation of holding her soft body close to his. He sat behind the wheel with eyes closed as he recalled that most passionate of kisses, feeling his blood sing and heart beat heavily in his chest just remembering the taste of her, the feel of her body responding to his. He sighed recalling the amazing sensuality of her tracing the outline of his lips with her fingertips.

Sydney took a deep breath to calm himself again and started the car. Blue Cove was a small, sparsely settled hamlet, so he didn't have too far to drive to reach his home; but he still had no intention of having any kind of accident that would prevent him from seeing his Miriam again tomorrow.

There - he caught himself - he'd done it again: HIS Miriam. Suddenly he sympathized with Carl, for he knew what it was to feel protective and possessive about this gentle, fascinating woman. As he pulled his car to a stop in his garage, he suddenly grinned like a madman in remembering that she had called him hers too - and the idea that she could feel as possessive of him as he did of her was like a shot of adrenaline.

Suddenly the next twenty-some hours of his life - an entire working day - seemed like an eternity to be borne resolutely and hopefully. But he knew he could dream tonight and relive the soft touch of fingertips sensuously tracing the contours of his lips and the heady scent of fresh flowers on a summer's day, knowing that at the end of those twenty-some hours, they would be his again.

He could hardly wait.

Suite For A Lonely Heart

Chapter 2: Etude


"Hey Syd, hasn't anybody told you yet that quitting time is five o'clock, and not sometime after seven-thirty?"

Sydney blinked, recalled back to the warm, wood-paneled surroundings of his Centre office to gaze at Miss Parker blankly for a brief moment. He recovered quickly, straightening up in his comfortable office chair and leaning forward over his desk with hands now folded primly in front of him. "Indeed? Seems to me we've had this conversation about late-working pots calling equally late-working kettles black not all that long ago," he smoothed in his best psychiatrist's voice while he watched her saunter through his door. His brows rose on his forehead as he watched her close the door behind her. "Something on your mind?"

"Not exactly," she stated with careful diction as she moved to park herself in one of the comfortable chairs in front of his desk. Her grey eyes caught and held his chestnut gaze. "I think, instead, you've had something on yours."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, dismissing her statement with a small wave of his hand and then sitting back in his chair to observe her more carefully. Warily.

Miss Parker gazed at him evenly without speaking for a moment. Theirs was a long-standing relationship, one that stretched back as far as she could remember, but it had never been a smooth one. He had been first an authoritative adult in her childhood memories of growing up in the Centre with Jarod; lately he'd been a semi-reluctant colleague in the Centre's efforts to recapture his genius protégé, his loyalty laying neither fully with the Centre nor fully with his escaped Pretender. Somewhere, buried in those decades of acquaintance and years of close collaboration, was a smoldering ember of deep fondness and friendship that neither of them had chosen to explore very deeply, even on those rare occasions when they could be forced to acknowledge it existed. It was a closeness she wished desperately that she could call upon now - a sense of mutual trust that she now wished she'd cultivated more carefully on those rare occasions when he'd offered her the chance.

"This is me, Syd."

"I hadn't noticed." The response was immediate and dry.

She sighed and decided to take a different tack. "How's the murder mystery?"

"Huh?" The question surprised him. "I'm not reading..."

"Exactly." She leaned forward. "That's my point. You're sitting here, in your office after hours, NOT reading. After all these years, and watching you read murder mystery after murder mystery to unwind, you're NOT reading."

Sydney's mind raced. He was sitting in his office after hours waiting patiently for the mail drop cart, so that he could arrange another evening with the woman who would be pushing that cart from office to office. "Is that a problem?" he asked quickly.

"I don't know, Sydney," Miss Parker replied in a gentle tone, setting aside completely her authoritarian air and hoping he'd finally hear and respond to the more informal tone. "You tell me."

Sydney gazed at her. She knew something was up - he just knew it. He knew that the day would come when his reluctance to leave work until later would come to somebody's attention and they'd comment on it.

God knows he'd leafed through the Centre employee's manual thoroughly often enough, looking for something - anything - that would constitute an official policy-related reason that he couldn't or shouldn't continue to see Miriam, and had found nothing at all. He'd even thought back through the other times in his life that he'd worked at developing a relationship with a woman, romantic or otherwise. Michelle, Claudia - they'd both been very important to him in their turns. With the clarity that came with hindsight he'd learned that the Centre's involvement in removing them from his life as their importance to him grew had been aroused because the Centre expected him to keep his full attention on Jarod. Jarod WAS to be Sydney's sole concern - and had been for a very long time.

But Jarod was gone now, escaped years ago with no intention of returning and enough intelligence to keep ahead of whatever bloodhounds were set on his trail. What was more, as a scientist he'd been kept out of the loop in regards to other subsequent Pretender-related projects that might have flourished under his experienced aegis. Even more surprisingly, he'd lately been openly encouraged to begin in-depth psychological research into twins that held potential only for the prestige of the Centre as a research facility rather than for actual profit in the Centre's pockets coming as a result of such research. Given that, certainly they couldn't still expect to control him on and off the clock THAT brutally merely on the remote chance Jarod would allow himself to be recaptured...

"I don't think what I do during my off hours is anybody else's business but my own, provided that it doesn't interfere with my work otherwise," he said, taking a chance and drawing a line in the proverbial sand.

Miss Parker's eyebrows climbed a little. Long experience told her that Sydney only went into "secretive mode" when it had to do with his present private life and/or someone dear to him who had had a part in that private life in the past. "You're right," she said, rising. "You have a right to have a life. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. Just answer me one question, though?"

He rose as she did, ever the proper gentleman. "What's that?" he inquired cautiously.

"Is it serious?"

Sydney blinked. WAS it serious? He'd seen Miriam numerous times now - including twice the previous week, once during the weekend, and then again the previous evening - and each time he'd found leaving her off at her apartment harder and harder. Not since Michelle had he felt so alive, and not since Michelle had he considered allowing himself to plan and dream of a future that included another person at his side.

He looked at Miss Parker, and the friendly, non-threatening tone she had adopted finally made an impression. His gaze softened some. "It could be," he answered finally, deciding to trust just a little bit in their long-standing relationship.

Miss Parker's expression softened immediately, as if sensing how tenuous the trust he was showing in her was. She'd seen the expression on his face reflect his emotions as he had considered her question, and she'd remembered the days when she felt the same. Tommy... There was only one other issue important enough to mention, then - important enough to her as a friend to warrant asking. "Does she make you happy?" she asked very gently.

His eyebrows climbed his forehead, but the upward twist of his lips in the direction of a smile indicated his continued good mood and willingness to be open with her. "That's two questions," he reminded her in an equally gentle voice, "but yes. She does."

"Good." Miss Parker stepped around the end of the large desk and kissed the cheek of her old friend very softly. "You deserve a little happiness for a change, Syd. I'm glad for you." She met his deeply astonished gaze with a touch of sadness in her own, then turned as if the emotions she was feeling were too private to share any further and began walking toward the closed door.

"Miss Parker," Sydney called as she pulled the door open. She turned at her name and looked at him silently. "Thank you." She nodded with a small smile and walked quickly through the Sim Lab and through the automatic sliding door.

~~~~~~~~

The moon was high and full over the restless waters of the Atlantic, and Miriam looked out over the whitecaps reflecting the moonlight at her in their brief lives with a happy smile. She leaned into the side of the man standing next to her and felt his arm find its way around her in response. "I haven't been to the ocean at night in ages," she told Sydney in an awestruck tone. "And I didn't even know this place existed."

"I'm glad I brought you here, then," he replied happily. "Its nice to think that I can show someone who has lived here their entire lives something they DIDN'T know before."

"Oh, I've learned lots of things from you I didn't know before," she retorted with a soft laugh, and then smiled even more widely when she felt him reach out with his other arm to encircle her entirely. She turned in contentment into him and wrapped her arms around his waist and held him close in return, breathing in deeply the fresh salt-sea air. She closed her eyes and let her head rest against his chest.

The past few weeks had been the happiest time of her life. She had quickly become very fond of her now-frequent companion, and found she felt the most content when he held her in his arms - something she was pleased to note he would do every chance she gave him. What had impressed her most was that he had not been anxious to move their relationship beyond a steady series of old-fashioned dates, a decision which had given them both the time and opportunity to get to know each other more completely. They talked constantly, of everything and anything, at length and in detail - from childhood memories to recent experiences, from sharing in remembering and mourning family lost in the Holocaust to sharing in remembering and mourning a child lost in a senseless accident. Their conversations often ranged widely - from exchanging jokes to discussing philosophy. They could move with ease from her expounding music theory to his pontificating about theories of psychological modeling. She never tired of hearing him speak of his research at the Centre or listening to the sound of his gentle chuckling as she'd recount the skewed musings of the clerical pool. She had finally let him talk her into playing for him after brushing off previous requests, and then reveled shyly in the accolades he had showered upon her for her efforts.

Her mother, Sarah, had seen the sparkle slowly return to her daughter's eyes and the dance return to her gait, things that had been missing and sorely missed for a long, long time. As a result, she had taken every opportunity to speak well of Sydney in his absence or bring him up as a subject of discussion. Sydney had not neglected Sarah either in the process of getting to know Miriam. The psychiatrist and the invalid had soon discovered, during one of their many times together while Miriam prepared her evening meal, that they both enjoyed the give and take of political discussions from the opposite sides of an issue and that both knew how to debate without rancor. One entire Sunday dinner in the apartment prepared by Miriam and the evening hours that followed had therefore been spent in lively and animated debate among the three of them, a debate that had continued somewhat between the two of them for several subsequent evenings.

Sarah, sensing the attraction growing between Miriam and her accomplished caller, had even slyly suggested a few evenings ago, while awaiting Sydney's arrival, that if Miriam didn't return home some night at all she could shift for herself in the morning. Miriam had pretended to be shocked, but had quietly been grateful for both the implication of approval her suggestion communicated as well as the freedom to follow her heart that it allowed her.

But Miriam knew she was on dangerous ground. She was falling in love with this gentle, complicated, private man - and the more she saw of him, the more frightened she was becoming despite her contentment in his company otherwise. Carl, her ex-husband, had been a fascinating man to get to know too, courteous and thoughtful to her and enchanting to her mother at first. Too young to know how to tell such things however, she had made the mistake of falling under his spell almost overnight. She had gotten pregnant almost immediately, long before finding out about his tendency to drink and how his personality changed for the worse when he was intoxicated - which was quite often. Sydney showed no signs of having any similar problems over a much longer period of courtship time; but the experience of losing a child, losing her entire future, and losing her own identity to an obsession for whiskey had made her leery. She knew that if she ever gave Sydney her heart, it would be a permanent gift, and that she would be running risks and taking chances she didn't know she could survive if she were wrong.

Sydney closed his eyes as he held his Miriam enfolded to him and knew once more that feeling of full contentment and completion that consistently came when he was in her presence. As he breathed in her now-familiar scent of fresh flowers on a summer's day, he heard once more Miss Parker's simple question echo in his mind and he asked himself again: Was it serious? Standing here now, with her folded in close to him, he knew beyond all doubt that indeed it WAS serious for him now - completely serious. He was falling in love with her, and there was nothing he could do to stop himself - nothing he WANTED to do to stop himself. After all these years of focussing solely on the Centre and its agendas, of letting the Centre power elite direct his attention ever at Jarod and the Pretender Project, at last he had something, someone, he was willing to call his own and fight for.

If she wanted him, that is. The gentle kisses stolen and exchanged in leafy apartment entrance alcoves since that first night had carefully and deliberately stopped far shy of any explosive passion, and neither had really discussed their feelings for the other in any depth since then. Suddenly, he needed to know where he stood. He needed to know if he'd already made one of the biggest mistakes of his life. If she rejected him now... well, he didn't even want to consider the possibility, for his emotions were far enough ensnared now that he doubted he'd survive any rejection unscathed.

"I think I'm falling in love with you," he rumbled down into her hair, the words tumbling unplanned from his lips and astonishing even him. He tightened his arms around her as if worried that his abrupt confession would spur her to try to escape before he'd spoken his piece.

Miriam bit her lower lip in astonishment. Could he read her mind? Did he know how much his saying those words meant to her? "Sydney," she whispered back.

"This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I didn't think I'd ever be able to love again," he said simply, leaning a cheek against the top of her head. "I stopped looking and after a few years figured that I'd never find anyone..." He dropped a kiss into her hair. "But then, suddenly, one day several weeks ago, I was in my office late, and I happened to look up at the right moment - and I found someone I thought I'd never find: someone who makes me feel... whole... young again."

He felt her stir in his arms, moving closer, and took a deep breath, feeling more nervous in the asking than he'd felt for a very long time. "I want to hope that maybe... there's a chance... for us... more than just... Miriam..."

"Sydney," she breathed, pushing back on him a little so that she could look up into his features reflected in the moonlight, "I..." Whether she had been ready for it or not, she knew for certain that her response to his stumbling declaration would be a fork in her life's path, and she had a choice to make that would permanently affect them both for the rest of their lives. She could either trust and go with her heart and accept and return Sydney's love; or she could let the mistakes of her past control her life forever, wound Sydney to the very core and in the process sentence herself to a life of solitude, of empty arms. What if she chose unwisely...

"Do you know how scary it is?" she asked him softly.

She saw his expression fold into worried concern. "What frightens you?" he asked immediately, urgently.

How could she make him understand? "The idea that... one day I'll wake up and know that... what I say now was the biggest mistake of my life."

The moonlight reflecting in his eyes clearly illuminated the deep hurt her words had caused. His arms loosened around her and he almost staggered back away from her. "Then... you don't..."

That did it. She took a deep breath and made her choice - the only choice she had that offered even the slightest chance for happiness. "No, no, you misunderstand." She closed the distance between them again and threw her arms around his neck. "I'm afraid that the biggest mistake of my life will be letting you know now how much I DO love you, and then waking up one morning to find that you don't love me anymo..."

Sydney had given a huge sigh of relief the moment he'd heard the words he'd longed to hear, gathered her to him with a quick, decisive motion and then proceeded to stop her words with demanding lips that captured hers and made speaking impossible. At long last he gave release to all the pent-up emotions he felt for her, letting every ounce of love and passion for her that he had held back for the past weeks be known through his kisses. His hands ran freely up and down her back to come to rest on the tops of her hips, pulling her into him firmly so that finally she could feel him letting himself want her and not caring that she knew it.

As if a dam had burst the moment her choice was finally made, Miriam at long last let herself be wanted, desired, loved with a passion she had thought never to be hers, and let herself return that love and passion in full measure. She opened her mouth to him, kissing him back as deeply as he had ever kissed her, and ran her hands up and down his back and to the top of his hips. She pulled him into her soft lower belly with a deliberate move, letting him know that she wanted him at least as much as he wanted her.

He trailed his lips across her chin and down her neck, nibbling all the way back up to her ear and feeling her arch her neck in response to his caresses. As he did, he pulled one hand from her back and ran it up her side, moving it slowly and gently to brush the bottom and side of her breast softly. Wanting to leave him no lingering doubts, she took one of her hands from his back and put it over the top of his wandering hand. She then moved it slowly and surely for him until it was fully on her breast and held it there until she was sure he understood that she was accepting this next level of caress. As he felt the nipple beneath his hand harden at his touch, he smiled against her neck and cupped her breast gently, running his thumb tantalizingly over the nipple again and again. With a soft moan of pleasure, Miriam returned her hand to the top of his hips and then shifted her lower body to deliberately rub against him, making him breath in sharply and then groan.

Neither of them had ever been so bold in their caresses before, never openly attempted to arouse the other to such a degree - or with such success. Sydney knew that with that surprising and surprisingly effective move from her, he was quickly approaching a point where his ability to put a halt on the direction things were rapidly going was in danger of evaporating. It had been so long - he didn't want to ruin everything by being over-eager.

Breathing hard, he moved his hand reluctantly from her breast to her back again and, kissing an earlobe gently, said, "My love, if we want to be able to stop..."

"Shhhhhhhhh..." Miriam leaned her head back from him and, with a twisting motion, captured his lips with hers for a change. When she released him from the kiss, she leaned into his neck below his ear and breathed, "I love you, my Sydney," as she ran her hands over his back and felt his heart beating in time with hers.

"My Miriam," he whispered, then bent and swept a hand suddenly behind her knees and lifted her into the air, spinning her around as she laughed with joy. "How I do love you!"

"Then love me," she suggested in a low and sensual voice in his ear that thrilled his every nerve ending, threading her fingers through his hair, "and let me show you how much I love you too."

He stared deep into her ebony eyes, sparkling with happiness and love as he held her in the moonlight, and felt her hands softly frame his cheeks and pull his face forward again so that her lips could meet his again in a shatteringly tender kiss. Slowly he let her legs slip from his grasp, and she slid down the length of his body to reclaim her footing in an amazingly arousing experience for them both. He looked deeply into her eyes again, and then slowly stepped back away from her and extended his hand. "Come with me, then," he said, his voice low and vibrating with love and much, much more.

Miriam didn't hesitate, but put out her hand and took his and felt his fingers thread themselves with hers. When he stepped back again and gave a gentle tug on their joined hands, she knew he was leading her back to where he had left the car on the edge of the clearing. She let him lead her to the car, hand her into the passenger seat with a tender kiss to the palm of her hand, and then climb in behind the wheel next to her. Her heart was beating strongly in her chest, rejoicing that even in the midst of everything he'd been willing to let her stop him with but a word. She couldn't help but love him all the more for his concern. But she was his, as he had often said - and now, at last, she was ready to prove it to him and in the same moment, claim him as her own as well.

Sydney forced himself to breath deeply and steadily to calm himself to the point that he could be a safe driver again and get them home in one piece. This time it was more difficult, because he knew that he was bringing her HOME with him, not dropping her off at her apartment. His blood was singing triumphantly in his veins as he steered the car carefully through the narrow, nighttime streets to his house. At last he could be confident that what he was feeling for her was mutual - and that there would be no need to simply make do with dreams of holding her and loving her tonight; tonight she would be with him completely. His Miriam.

~~~~~~~~

She was his - and she was asleep in his arms, in his bed, where she belonged.

Sydney shifted slightly so that Miriam could curl against him and make herself more comfortable with her head cradled on his shoulder, her one arm stretched possessively across his belly and their legs tangled together intimately. Ever enchanted by the sweet sensation of her smooth skin moving against his, he then closed his eyes and settled back to engrave the moment and those that had come before it in his mind. She had made him hers, and he had made her his, and the lovemaking where each had staked their claim had been slow and tender and incredibly sweet. In the aftermath, he'd pulled the sheet and blankets over them both and then felt her settle into his side as if she had always belonged there.

Indeed, he would never feel entirely complete without her next to him again. He was completely and hopelessly in love with her and amazed beyond words that she was in love with him too. And so he lay there, holding his love close to him in the dark, pondering what the next step would be. Miriam hadn't wanted what happened between them to be a casual fling or just a one-night stand. Neither had he. Both of them were old enough to know better and mature enough to know just what that better might be. Tonight they had taken an irreversible step, the immensity and consequences of which he was ready to face unflinchingly, provided he had her by his side.

She shifted against him again, and he curled his chin down so he could look down at her face reflected in the moonlight through the bedroom window and found her ebony eyes open, looking up at him with a peaceful serenity. He dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Go back to sleep, my love," he whispered tenderly, the arm of the shoulder she lay against curling around her waist gently. "It's late."

She turned her face slightly and kissed his chest. "You should be asleep too, my Sydney."

"I've been thinking."

"About what?" The fingers of the hand on his belly moved to trace small arabesques on his skin.

"Us." The arm at her back smoothed slowly up and down her velvety skin. "About where we go from here."

"We go to work tomorrow as if nothing happened just now," she said softly, ceasing the arabesques to simply move her arm across him and pull him closer to her, "and try to keep the sloppy grins from our faces that would give us away."

"Mmmm." The hand that had laid across hers at his belly now came up and stroked back the tumbled curls from her face and cradled her against him. "Then what?"

She lifted her head from his chest, propped herself up on an elbow on the bed and looked into his face with wide, searching eyes. "What do you want to happen, Sydney?"

"Uh-unh." His hands moved to frame her face between his palm, and he gazed at her with love written in his eyes. "What do YOU want?" he asked gently. "Making you happy is what makes me the happiest - so you tell me what you want, and I'll do my best to give it to you, if I can."

"That's easy, then." She leaned down and brushed her lips against his. "All I want is to have you in my life, to know that I'm a part of yours," she answered simply. "I want to see you, talk with you, laugh with you. I want to make dinner for you sometimes, or let you make dinner for me. I want to be able to hold you, touch you, make love with you." The hand at his waist moved up to stroke his cheek. "As often or as seldom as any of that happens, as long as I know that you're in my life and I'm in yours..."

"My Miriam," he murmured tenderly, pulling her face down to his so that he could kiss her again. "Don't you know, you ARE my life now, my love. And not only do I want you in my life for as long as you want to be there, but as far as I'm concerned, you belong here, in my home, with me, whenever and for as long as you want to be here." He kissed her forehead again and then let her settle back down into his shoulder and curl into his side. "Am I a selfish man to want you here with me from now on, and nowhere else?"

"Only if I'm being selfish by not wanting to be anywhere else either." Her arm stretched out across his belly to his other side again. "There's only one small problem about that, though, my love."

"What's that?"

"My mother." Miriam moved softly against him, her entire body caressing his. "I can't just let her try to go it alone in her condition..."

He ran his hand up and down her back again in a soothing caress and closed his eyes in contentment again. "I like your mother," he announced quietly. "If I have to share you with anyone, I won't mind it so much if it's her. Besides, you know I get called out of town every once in a while on business - sometimes with very little notice. At least, at those times, you wouldn't have to be alone..."

"And those evenings when you're home?"

"Then I'd hope you'd be home too. Here, with me." He kissed the top of her head. "We can figure the fine points out as they become necessary, depending on how your mom's health is doing and whether you want to get a ride to work the next morning." He settled his arm back quietly at her waist. "Let's talk more about this tomorrow evening. Right now, though, I think we both had better get some sleep - or neither of us will be worth a damn at work in the morning."

Miriam turned her head and kissed his chest again very softly. "I love you," she whispered.

"Je t'aime aussi," he murmured back, tightening his arm around her possessively for a moment. "Go to sleep, my love."

"You too, my Sydney." She nestled down against him and closed her eyes and took a deep, satisfied breath.

~~~~~~~~

Miss Parker glanced through the sliding glass doors of the Sim Lab as she was walking toward her office, then slowed as her eyes caught sight of Sydney carrying forth with his research. It was a subtle change, and only long acquaintance and having observed him in nearly every possible situation made it even perceivable, but there was a softness about Sydney this afternoon that was new. He had lost none of his focus, his concentration was completely centered on the responses of his subjects - wizened identical men today. He was, as ever, the quintessential psychological researcher plumbing the uncharted regions of the human condition. He watched the responses of his subjects, and took occasional notes on the papers he held in a clipboard. But there had been a change - in him.

She frowned and drew to a standstill where she could observe him in action without calling his attention to her study, trying to figure out just what it was that was different about him. Then she saw it: the ever-so-slight smile that crept to his lips every time he turned away from everyone else in the room, when he thought he was unobserved. The Sydney that stood in front of her on this day was a thoroughly happy man - his very being radiated a very quiet, refined, restrained but irrepressible contentment. Many of the small mannerisms that had marked him for as long as she could remember as lonely and filled with regrets were missing - and no wonder, evidently he was alone no longer.

The realization made her face soften as well, remembering the faint flit of emotion that had crossed his features when she'd asked him if whoever it was that was causing these changes in him made him happy. He'd said that she did and now here was the evidence that he'd not been lying. She could remember feeling that way herself once, years ago with a beautiful man named Thomas. Brushing aside memories that she preferred to enjoy at home alone, where she could be distracted without needing an excuse, Miss Parker filed her observations away, knowing that chances were VERY good that he would once again be working late, and she could possibly approach him again.

She snaked an arm out and snagged Broots' collar unexpectedly as he walked cluelessly past her on his way to his office. "Yo, Scooby, I have a quick job for you."

"Before finishing the security reports for the Illinois station when Jarod hacked into the system?" he asked with wide eyes. She'd been harassing him nearly every hour on the hour to get her that report.

"Not necessarily, but certainly before you leave for home tonight." She was still anxious to see what Broots could make of the gaping hole Jarod had discovered in the security protocols at Centre satellite stations. Still... "I want you to find out what happens here in the Centre at about eight o'clock at night."

Broots frowned in confusion at her. "B...but Miss Parker - nearly everybody and their empty lunch buckets are outta here by..."

"I know that..." she rounded on him. "But something happens down here on SL-15 at about eight o'clock, and I want to know what it is. Please."

Broots backed away nervously. Miss Parker using the “magic word?” Something was up. He turned away from her and scooted towards the elevator and punched the button for SL-2. Maybe Darla in Operations might have a clue where he could start looking.

"And Broots?" He turned as she called after him. "Keep this one under your hat, OK? It's only satisfying my casual curiosity on a trivial item - nothing earth-shattering or useful in catching Jarod."

"Got it." Uh-oh. He'd better get to it right away. Broots punched the up button several times, then stood there and stewed while the elevator seemed determined to take an eternity after all.

~~~~~~~~

"Got a moment, Syd?"

Sydney looked up at the tall brunette, leaning against his door jamb in much the same posture she had used the day before. He took down his feet from his desk and put his latest murder mystery face down on his blotter. "Yes, Parker?"

She moved into the office and, in a replay of the day before, pulled the glassed door shut behind her. "Can I?" she asked softly, indicating the chair she'd been sitting in the day before.

"This is getting to be a habit, you know... People will talk..." He waved her permission with an open hand, then put the side of his face into an open palm and leaned on the desk, looking at her patiently with a tipped head. "And what can I do for you this evening?"

Miss Parker had folded her hands demurely in her lap, and now she focussed her gaze on them, not entirely sure how to bridge this gap that stretched between them like a chasm. She looked up, and her expression was unsure, her voice hesitant. "I need to know what it would take..." She paused, not exactly sure how to ask for what she wanted.

"To do what?" Sydney asked in his best psychiatrist's tone, one carefully practiced and designed to reassure and draw out reluctant admissions.

"Please don't do that," she frowned at him. "Not tonight."

"Do what?"

"Play the shrink with me," she stated tiredly. "I don't want a shrink. I want a friend."

Greying eyebrows climbed his forehead, and Sydney sat up straighter. "A friend?! Is everything alright, Parker?"

She was grateful that she at least had his attention and had bumped him out of “shrink mode”. That didn't solve her problem, however. "No, Sydney, everything isn't alright. I've recently discovered I have neglected a very old friendship so badly that I haven't the slightest idea how to tell my friend to let down his defenses so we can talk - REALLY talk." She looked at him sadly. "Can you help me?"

He softened, then rose and came around the edge of the desk to seat himself in the chair next to her. "What would you like me to tell you, Parker? What do you want of me?"

"Give me a code word, or something else I can use to let you know that I want to set aside the dominatrix and psychiatrist colleague roles, that I want to talk to you as a friend."

He relaxed back into the chair, folded his arms over his chest and looked at her with some suspicion. "Why?"

The grey eyes looked up sharply. "Geez, Sydney, have things between us gotten so bad that we can't..."

Sydney leaned forward again and put a comforting hand on her knee briefly. "Don't mind me, Parker. I've become paranoid in my old age, and every time someone here tries to push past established boundaries..." He sat back again and gazed at her with chestnut eyes that were only slightly warmer and friendly. "Then again, I didn't think you valued my friendship that highly. I'm a convenient foil to help you celebrate Lyle's dressing-down; but when you hurt and genuinely need someone to lean on, you pull away... You make me a fair-weather friend by necessity rather than intention," he said with stark honesty made painful when Miss Parker realized he had reason for his belief.

"I DO value your friendship, Syd - I just tend not to let you know it half as often as I should, or really know HOW to let you help me when I could really use your advice or shoulder. I keep forgetting that the “Ice Queen” is just a façade. I'm sorry."

She was apologizing? "Parker." His face had folded into worried concern, and he leaned toward her again. "What's brought all this on, anyway?"

Her face softened. "I saw you, today, in the Sim Lab," she explained, moving her hands in small circles lamely. "You were working with your twins project..."

"And?"

She smiled at him, and it was an unassuming, uncalculating smile that reminded him so vividly of the innocent girl she had once been. "You were so happy, Syd. It just oozed out of you, the moment you thought nobody was paying attention." She paused as she noticed him sit back in his chair and rub a hand under his nose to hide a thoroughly amused and chagrined smile. "What?"

"She warned me we'd both have to be careful or our “sloppy grins,” as she put it, would give us away." He gazed at her with deep amusement dancing in eyes; and she knew then that she was talking to her old friend, and he was trusting her with his new happiness just a little. "I take it I didn't do such a good job, then?"

"Actually, I don't think anybody that didn't know you as well as I do would have noticed a thing, Syd," she reassured him quickly. "It made me remember how I felt when Tommy and I were first..."

"Parker," he began in a soothing voice, reaching out a hand to her.

"No, don't worry," she reassured him again, and let him capture her hand briefly. "They were good memories, Syd - the best. And the reason I wanted to talk to you as a friend tonight, rather than as a Centre colleague or a cast-iron bitch, was because I wanted to tell you that I meant every last word of what I said last night. You do deserve to have some happiness in your life for once, and I wanted you to know how good it made ME feel to see for myself that you really had found some for yourself after all."

She rose. "I just hope that maybe one day we can repair our relationship enough that you'd let me meet her." He rose with her, and she found she couldn't hold his gaze for very long. "Maybe one day I'll know how to go about being the kind of friend that you'd consider introducing her to. If you'll let me, I'd like a chance to earn that privilege." She turned away from him and reached for the door knob, having gone about as far in making herself vulnerable to him as she could stand at a time. It was time to beat a hasty retreat and let the seeds planted in this short discussion germinate in both of them - if that was to be.

Sydney was deeply touched, knowing what it had cost her to tear down her own defenses this far. "Parker," This time his voice was very soft, and it made her turn back to him. "Wait."

"I don't think so, Syd," she said gently, pulling the door open. "Not yet. I'll see you in the morning." She stepped into the Sim Lab, dodged the mail cart as it rumbled across the Lab floor without giving its pilot the slightest notice and then out the automatic door.

Miriam's startled gaze found Sydney standing in front of his desk in his office, and she then turned to watch where the younger woman had gone in such a hurry. "What was that all about?" she asked when she'd come into his office at last and began gathering and dispersing the inter-office paperwork.

He shook his head slowly, eyes wide. "Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure. She knows I'm seeing somebody - you were right about smiles giving things away, incidentally - and..."

"Don't tell me that she was ordering you to stop..." Miriam looked almost frantic, and her fingers tightened on the metal handle of the cart as if she needed it to keep her balance.

"No, nothing like that." He laid a hand gently on her forearm for a very brief moment, a gesture as close to a comforting embrace as he could allow himself within Centre walls. "I think she was giving me - us - her blessing."

~~~~~~~~

About a week later, Miss Parker stuck her head through Sydney's office door just as he was tabulating the day's research statistics into his computer, as was his routine at the end of the day. "Hey Syd! I just got a call from Lyle - he wants you and me in Raines' office pronto."

Sydney shrugged and saved his file, then logged off the system and stood to walk with her to the elevator that would take them to the Tower offices. "Any idea what's up?"

"Not a clue," she said with a quick shake of her head. "It'd be our luck that Raines just wants to shake our trees a little, put the fear of God in us about finding Jarod, perhaps."

He snorted and nodded frustrated agreement. There had been a real dearth of clues to Jarod's whereabouts after the plane crash in Africa, and nothing at all since the hacking of the Illinois station and subsequent emptying of a few well-padded bank accounts. He was fairly sure that Mr. Raines thought that all he'd have to do is chew some butt and results would suddenly appear from nowhere. The man seemed oblivious to the fact that Jarod was slowly distancing himself from the Centre now that he was closing in on locating his real family - and that the day Jarod put his family together would be the day Jarod vanished from sight completely and finally. It was a day he both anticipated and dreaded, but a day he seriously doubted Raines would even allow himself to contemplate.

The large office that had once been Mr. Parker's had been redecorated in the time since his plunge into the nighttime Atlantic. About the only thing familiar was the massive carved desk. Willy, Raines' ever-present sweeper, ushered Sydney and Miss Parker through the frosted glass doors and into the office where Lyle and Mr. Raines waited.

"Miss Parker, you will stand over there and listen. If your input is desired, you'll be told." Raines took a noisy gasp of oxygen from his tank and pointed. "Sydney, this meeting is to discuss your actions of late."

"Do you have a problem with my research, or with my input in the hunt for Jarod?" the psychiatrist asked crisply.

"It isn't your work-related actions that have come to our attention," Raines wheezed unpleasantly.

"Then we have nothing further to discuss," Sydney snapped in carefully but obviously restrained anger. "My performance as an Centre employee isn't at issue, and the rest of my life is none of your business."

The bald man continued as if Sydney hadn't spoken, pulling in another noisy breath. "It has come to our attention that you have been spending an inordinate amount of time with..."

"That's it!" Miss Parker exploded and stalked over to stand by Sydney and face down her “father”. "Syd's right. Provided his job performance is satisfactory, and provided he isn't endangering the Centre in any way by consorting with any industrial saboteurs or outside legal authorities, this meeting is finished."

"The hunt for Jarod..."

"Is not impacted by anything any of us do in our own personal time, beliefs to the contrary notwithstanding," Miss Parker spat, her eyes narrowed dangerously. "Let me make myself very clear here - I will not have my team's effectiveness damaged by undue and unwarranted pressures put on private affairs. Not on mine, not on Syd's and not on Broots'."

"”Affair” does seem to be the operant term," Lyle sneered in an oily, suggestive voice that made the term seem tawdry and cheap and gave Sydney a sideways frown. "The problem is that people at our level of security need to be extra careful in choosing whom we associate with off-hours, and just how... close... we let any outsiders get to us."

"I have looked through the employee's handbook very thoroughly several times," Sydney said in a voice carefully disciplined to calm and detachment despite his roiling fury deep down. "There are no official policies specifically prohibiting relationships between employees in entirely different, non-related departments. The lady in question underwent a background search prior to her employment here," he pointed to the folder laying on Raines' blotter, "the results of which I assume are in that folder. Since she was obviously found suitable for hiring in the first place, I can't imagine that her being a threat to Centre security should be anything but a non-issue."

Miss Parker noted with interest that Syd's nameless somebody actually WAS a fellow Centre employee, something she'd only suspected before then, and filed it away in the back of her mind. She leaned over Raines' desk threateningly. "IS there a problem with this person being a security risk that I should know about as Sydney's direct superior?" She pointed to the report folder herself. "Anything in there I should know about?"

Raines and Lyle exchanged glances. "No, of course not," Raines gasped reluctantly at last. "But it has been agreed from the beginning that Sydney's attention cannot be divided. He needs to keep his mind on Jarod, and..."

"Jarod's gone, if you hadn't noticed," Sydney pointed out in clipped tones. "He's been gone for over five and a half years, and even the number of clues he leaves behind him are starting to dwindle. I can't be expected to obsess 24/7 over someone whom I never see and rarely hear from anymore, nor did I agree when I was employed here to be personally isolated from all social contact for the rest of my natural life."

"You know, Daddy used to say that “life goes on” - and I think that we need to take a lesson from his wisdom." Miss Parker had to work very hard not to cringe as she used her pet name for the now-departed Mr. Parker that she knew was patently false. "Jarod is gone, and we need to let Syd get on with his life too. Syd has a right to HAVE a life and a little happiness along the way - even IF Jarod happens to come back to the Centre someday. I intend to make sure he gets his chance."

"Are you making threats, Miss Parker?" Raines wheezed dangerously, while Lyle shifted nervously seeing his “sister” taking a stand that was less than popular with the current Centre power elite.

"No," she replied, her voice smooth as silk and never so dangerous. "Just letting you both know how things stand. As long as Syd does his job the way he's supposed to and gets the kind of results we've all come to expect of him, and provided all the inconvenient secrets around here that need protecting STAY secrets, I see no reason why you can't just leave him alone. Seems to me that it would be in the Centre's best interests to do just that."

"Or else?" Lyle couldn't resist seeing just how far she was willing to go out on a limb for the old geezer. He'd expected some display of loyalty, but nothing like this.

Her grey gaze rounded on him coldly, recognizing what her twin was doing and deciding that the time had come for her to make her position crystal clear. "Let's just say that I can imagine the kind of consequences of undue interference that would be very unpleasant and, dare I say it, highly unprofitable - the kinds of consequences that the Triumverate would be VERY unhappy to see. So I really suggest you not try to do anything to find out just how unpleasant things can get." She shot Sydney a shut up and play along glare, then turned on Lyle and Raines again. "So listen up. This is a reality check, and a... um... suggestion about how things should be from now on: Syd's private life is off-limits and off-topic. My private life is off-limits and off-topic. Broots' private life is off-limits and off-topic. We will not have any further discussions like this again until or unless you have something that actually calls for official attention or response."

She threaded her hand into Sydney's elbow and settled herself obviously and deceptively calmly onto his arm. "There will be no more Thomas Gates-like murder mysteries, no more Michelle- and Claudia-like disappearances, no more auto accidents putting loved ones into comas, no firings, no blackmail, no pressure or harassment of relatives, no anonymous bricks through windows, no flat tires at inconvenient times, nothing."

She didn't wait for a response, but pulled at Sydney's arm. "C'mon, Syd, let's get some air. We're done here." He stared down at her for a moment, not entirely sure how to respond to her having not only come to his defense but drawing her own line in the proverbial sand to protect all three of her team, including herself. More stunned than he'd been in a while, he let her lead him docilely from the office. They pushed past Willy, nearly knocking the frosted glass door into the dark-faced sweeper's nose as he stood close, obviously having been listening in.

Sydney waited until they were safely inside the elevator again, however, before backing away from her slightly with wide, surprised eyes. "Do you have the slightest idea what you just did?" he demanded, aghast at what had just occurred.

"Yes," Miss Parker sighed deeply, dropping her hold on his arm and relaxing at last, but steadfastly refusing to give in to the internal shaking that threatened to overwhelm her. "I did something that has needed doing for a long time," she replied quietly, her voice shaking only slightly. She turned serious grey eyes on his face. "I refuse to let them do to you again what they've done before to me AND to you, Syd. I'm not going to let them do it to you, especially - not again. Besides, I'm tired of knowing that they keep threatening Broots' daughter to force him to do things. It has to stop sometime."

He just shook his head in astonishment. "And just exactly what did you mean by consequences?"

"You really don't want to know," she answered tiredly. "If you don't know, and if they know you don't know, you won't be harassed for information." She gestured with her nose and eyes at the ever-present camera recording their every word and gesture.

"I hope you know what you're doing," he cautioned her seriously. "This is MY life and happiness you're playing with here..."

"I know, Sydney - believe me, I know. If I could have done it any other way..." She slumped against the far wall of the elevator, beneath the bullet hole from her mother's faked suicide attempt. "But your life and happiness were being threatened anyway. I had nothing to do with that - I was perfectly content to let you be happy. But those... PEOPLE... up there..." She took a deep breath. "Syd, both of us have had past chances for happiness stolen from us. We've both let them push us around in order to protect those we care about. It just isn't right." She looked at him bleakly. "I knew that one day it would come to this."

The psychiatrist stared at her for a long moment. She was taking an incredible chance, staking her own future with her two colleagues rather than with the Centre elite itself, and he could see how it was weighing on her. His gaze turned warm. "You've changed, Parker."

She snorted derisively. "Ya think they noticed?" she quipped in a brittle and defensive tone born of adrenaline and second thoughts, jerking her head in the direction of the elevator door and, by extension, the office they'd just walked out of.

Sydney thought silently for a moment, and then moved to her side and carefully put an arm around her shoulder. It wasn't often he felt that she would accept a gesture of support or comfort like that from him, but he couldn't resist taking the chance that this was one of those rare times. Besides, she deserved to know that he knew how she felt. "Oh, I'm sure THEY noticed too. I just wanted you to know that I find the difference suits you much better." He felt her lean, just a little. "And to say thank you again. When you stand up for your friends, you really do know how to do it right."

She smiled at the compliment then leaned into him a little more, nudging him very gently with her shoulder. "You're welcome."

"Do me a favor?"

Miss Parker looked up at him. "What's that?"

He smiled. "Come by my office this evening - say about eight o'clock? And leave the leather bikini and whip behind, OK?"

She blinked in confusion, and then began to smile as she finally decoded the oblique remark. "Here and I could swear you said just a few days ago that people would start to talk if we made too much of a habit of meeting like that."

He gave a very dismissive continental shrug. "I'm not worried about that very much anymore. Are you?"

She nudged him with her shoulder again gently. "I'll be there." She felt his arm tighten briefly around her shoulder, then drop. "Thanks, Syd."

~~~~~~~~

"Do you remember telling me how you met Thomas?" Sydney asked Miss Parker after she'd taken her seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk and he had come around and taken the seat next to her.

"Yes," she said softly. "We met by accident - at least, it SEEMED as if it were an accident - at the gas station. He talked me out of buying a pack of cigarettes."

"It was the same for me - a purely accidental meeting," Sydney said in reminiscing voice. "I was working late, and..."

"I just KNEW it had something to do with your hanging around after work all the time lately." Her smile and soft tone dulled any potential sting from the remark that would have been so in character for her “Ice Queen” persona if it had been delivered with anything but simple honesty.

"Yes, well," Sydney harrumphed at the interruption and then continued, "I was sitting there, trying to get into a new book, when she walked in..."

Miss Parker blinked in surprise. "You mean to tell me this woman just walked into your office without knocking?"

He looked over at her evenly. "She probably walks into YOUR office without knocking too, Parker - it's just that either you're already gone for the day or you don't pay any attention to her."

"Sydney, you're not making any sense," she told him gently and carefully after picking her jaw off the floor. "NOBODY walks into my office and I don't pay them any attention..." She cut her remark short as she heard the inevitable mail cart rumble into the outer Sim Lab, heading for the office. She sat back in her chair, shaking her head in disbelief and suspending their discussion momentarily as the clerical worker began to make her delivery and collection.

Sydney sat and watched for a moment with ill-concealed amusement as his old friend ignored the mail drop process entirely, as usual, having glanced up at Miriam with a twinkle in his eye that told her something was up. Deciding not to keep his old friend in suspense any longer, and being aware that Miriam was on a tight schedule and now under even higher scrutiny, he sat forward. "Miss Parker?" He saw her blink in response, having been pulled from her pondering her disbelief. He then rose and, with a gentle hand at her shoulder, turned Miriam to face the other occupant of the room. "I'd like you to meet Miriam."

Miss Parker stared at him blankly for a moment, then turned her eyes to the woman standing patiently at Sydney's side to find herself looking into an intelligent if slightly apprehensive face. It took her a moment to recover, and then she stood and extended her hand to the older woman. "So you're the secret to Sydney's contentment lately," she said kindly, only to be secretly amused when the woman - Miriam - looked down in shy embarrassment and sidled in just a little closer to Sydney.

Sydney looked down at Miriam with a tenderness that went straight to Miss Parker's heart. "Miriam, this is Miss Parker - an old friend and colleague of mine."

Miriam looked back up into the face of the imposing, tall brunette about whom the Centre rumor mill occasionally went crazy, and carefully but firmly clasped the outstretched hand. "It's nice to meet you at last," she said softly. "Sydney has spoken of you often."

"That puts me at a distinct disadvantage, since Sydney has told me nothing at all about you." Miss Parker looked over at the psychiatrist, whose contented smile had slipped slightly. "Then again, I understand WHY he has said so little, and I don't blame him for wanting to protect you from the scrutiny." She looked at Miriam again in what she hoped was an open and encouraging way. "And I'm not sure what all he's told you about me, but I assure you that if you're responsible for making my best and oldest friend in the world happy, you'll have nothing to fear from me." She leaned toward the older woman conspiratorially. "Keep that in mind, will ya? Syd forgets sometimes that my bark is usually much worse than my bite."

Miriam's eyebrows twitched, and her lips began to curl in a smile. "But it never hurts to keep up the illusion, though, does it?"

Miss Parker chuckled openly now. "I like the way you think," she responded, giving Sydney a sideways look that spoke volumes about what could happen if these two bright and capable women ever decided to conspire together against him. "I hope we can have a chance to get to know each other a little better sometime - but in the meanwhile, you just keep on with whatever you're doing. I haven't ever seen Sydney so happy before."

"Thank you," Miriam's smile became shier and more hesitant. "I appreciate the compliment." She reluctantly moved back to her mail cart. "And as much as I'd like to stay, I have to stick to a schedule."

"I know - and now that the Tower knows about you, you're better off doing your job strictly by the book," Miss Parker suggested meaningfully.

"The Tower..." Miriam blanched and looked at Sydney fearfully.

"I'll see you tonight, then?" Sydney asked quickly, before she could escape. "I'll fill you in on all the details."

Miriam nodded, only slightly mollified. "I'll see you there."

The psychiatrist bent down and brushed her cheek with his lips, then nodded. "You'd better get moving, then."

"Until later," she replied in a low voice meant just for him. "Nice to have met you, Miss Parker," she waved at the tall brunette and then skillfully maneuvered her cart from the room, closing the door after herself again.

Miss Parker watched Sydney's face as he watched Miriam's departure. "She was right, you know," she quipped when he turned back to her. At the raised eyebrows, she continued, "You do get this sort of sloppy smile on your face..."

The eyebrows folded together in a mock frown. "Parker, please..."

"Oh, sit down and quit your blustering." The brunette motioned with her hand for him to sit, and she reclaimed her seat at the same time. She sat back, making herself comfortable, crossed her legs and put her hands along each of the armrests. "OK, Syd, spill."

The eyebrows climbed the forehead again. "I beg your pardon?"

The smile in Miss Parker's grey eyes matched that on her face: soft, gentle, and incredibly curious. "Tell me about her, Sydney - and don't spare me any details." She grinned mischievously. "If you're anything like me, you've been dying to talk to somebody about her anyway..."

Suite For A Lonely Heart - by MMB

Chapter 3: Fugue


Sydney looked up from the current issue of his psychiatric journal and gazed contentedly across the living room at where Miriam sat at the baby grand piano he'd purchased for her for Christmas several weeks back. She was happily turning the pages of an old and favorite book of Mendelssohn sheet music pieces and pondering what to play next. She felt his eyes on her and smiled softly to herself, contented in knowing that he was an appreciative audience for whatever she should choose to play and was more than happy to oblige by continuing a little longer. It was getting late, and she knew they both had to be at work early in the morning. She chose one of the shorter Kinderstücke, and with a deep breath, began reading music she hadn't touched in years and moving her fingers nimbly across the keyboard.

Sydney sighed and set his journal aside on the end table to listen more attentively. He closed his eyes so as to better let his mind follow the musical phrasing without visual distraction, for she had chosen a piece his mother had once played long ago that was one of his favorites. This had become their normal routine - they would eat their evening meals with Sarah, Miriam's mother, in her apartment; and then they would come home to the house on Washington Street to relax before retiring. Sydney would settle into his favorite chair to slowly catch up on reading he'd always managed to put off and then never do. Before the piano, he would have turned on some soothing soft-classical music on the stereo while Miriam would have pulled out some knitting or needlework, but now she would head for the piano bench to continue slowly reading through books of sheet music she hadn't bothered attempting for years.

He still could hardly believe the changes she had wrought in him, in his home, and in his life since she had begun sharing his life and home with him. He was settled in a way he'd only been able to imagine before now that he had another person in his life that he cared deeply about to consider. Evenings were no longer long and empty spaces of time defined only by the sun not shining - time that used to be spent as often as not devouring murder mystery novels in his subterranean office until he only had just enough energy to drive home, munch on a sandwich and salad and fall into bed. No, his evenings now had music, laughter, companionship. Love. He wasn't alone anymore - and life as he knew it would never be the same. Even Jarod had noticed the change in his voice over time, and never failed now to ask after the woman who had so lightened his mentor's existence.

They entertained as a couple in what had rapidly become their home - where entertaining was something he would never have considered doing at all when he had lived alone. Miss Parker had become a regular dinner guest of late, as had Sarah when she felt like getting out and about; and they inevitably saw Broots and Debbie sometime over the course of their weekends. Sydney and Miriam had become just as regular as weekend dinner guests of both Miss Parker and Broots.

Thanksgiving had been quite the collaborative affair, with Sarah holding court in Miss Parker's kitchen while Debbie, Miriam and Miss Parker divided the dinner cooking assignments between them and Broots and Sydney played chess in the living room. Christmas had seen much the same, only the locale had been Sydney's instead that time, with carols on the new piano with friends and family gathered around. That night, when all the guests had departed back to their own homes and he lay in bed holding Miriam close as she slept peacefully, he had come to an important decision - and had only a day or two later quietly enlisted Miss Parker's assistance and advice.

And now there was a lump in his pocket as he sat in his chair, a small square lump he had placed there himself when he'd picked up the item he'd ordered from the jeweler during a quick lunchtime escape from the Centre. He hadn't quite figured out yet how he was going to give the ring to her, and the anticipation and insecurity of what he was planning could still make him shaky inside. But he could no longer imagine his life without his Miriam as an integral part of it, and the moment was rapidly approaching when he could no longer wait to ask her to be his wife and share the rest of his life with him.

The Mendelssohn piece came to a gentle conclusion, and Sydney rose from his chair and walked over to where Miriam sat and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I haven't heard that one for a very long time," he commented softly and deposited a kiss on her neck below her ear. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," she smiled, unable to control blushing from the compliment. She knew he liked to hear her play - indeed, he'd bought this magnificent piano for her so that he didn't have to take her to her mother's to practice anymore - but hearing his encouragement was still very new.

He bent and bumped her hip with his on the piano bench to get her to scoot over a little so he could sit next to her. He could wait until a fancy dinner at a restaurant, but something told him that putting his question to her right away would be far more effective at preventing his nervous anticipation from giving his intentions away than waiting. There was really no way to prepare for this, after all. "I have something for you..." he began a little hesitantly.

"You've given me so much already, Sydney," she responded, turning to him and putting a hand on his chest after closing the keyboard cover.

He wrapped an arm around her waist and held her close. "I need to give you this, though, because it's really a gift I'm giving myself in the process," he responded mysteriously and slipped his other hand into his pocket. "But I have to ask you something first."

"What's that?" she asked, closing in to nestle her head on his shoulder comfortably.

It was now or never - and Sydney decided that clear and concise was the best way to proceed. He closed his eyes and tried not to gulp, then simply asked, "Will you marry me?"

As Miriam straightened and turned to stare into Sydney's face with shock in her ebony eyes, Sydney's hand came up, holding the little jeweler's box open to reveal the diamond and platinum ring nestled in its depths. The larger round stone was bracketed on either side by a line of smaller square baguettes in elegant simplicity. She gazed for a long moment without moving at the ring in its little box, then back up into those well-loved chestnut eyes. "You mean it?" she whispered, stunned.

"I've never meant anything so much in my life," he replied in a voice so overwhelmed by emotion that it, too, was reduced to a whisper. "I love you more than my life, and I know I can't live without you anymore. I want you in my life from now on, completely." His arm tightened around her waist. "God, Miriam! Please say yes..."

"It's times like this that I start to fear that this is only just a dream," she replied, a hand reaching up for his face, "because I love you so much that it's almost painful." She pushed her head forward and dropped a very soft kiss on his lips. "Yes, Sydney, I will marry you. Gladly."

A smile that was nearly blinding in its brightness broke out across that normally controlled face. Sydney quickly pulled his arm from around her so that he could use the hand to remove the ring from its temporary home and place it on the left hand of the woman who had stolen his heart from almost the first moment. He didn't even give her a chance to admire the sparkle on her finger that indicated her new status before he had reached out and gathered her to him in a tight, possessive embrace. "My Miriam," he whispered determinedly. "Mine."

"My Sydney," she whispered back, her arms surrounding him and holding him back just as tightly, still barely able to believe what had happened in the past few moments. And yet, deep within, she could feel that tiny little nugget of doubt and worry that had been her protection against losing his affection begin to disintegrate at long last. "Husband," she whispered even softer, tasting the word on her tongue.

"Wife," he whispered back, then loosened his hold on her just enough so that he could lower his lips to hers and claim them in a fiery kiss that literally stole her breath from her body. With her affirmative answer to the most important question he'd ever asked anyone in his life, all of the nervousness that he had so carefully hidden from her lately had evaporated, leaving him supremely happy. Suddenly, it didn't matter that they both needed to be at work early the next morning - nothing else mattered at all except having her in his arms and making slow and passionate love to her as if they had all the time in the world.

His lips slipped seductively from hers, traced a hot and moist trail up the line of her chin to rest against her ear. "I love you so much, my Miriam," he whispered hoarsely to her as one hand left its companion spread wide across the small of her back to come seeking upwards and forwards for more interesting terrain.

Miriam groaned as nimble fingers teased at the very edges of her breast before slipping slowly and insistently for a nipple already hard and aching in anticipation beneath the material of her clothing. Sydney's touch never failed to enflame her senses, and he seemed to know instinctually what to do to set her every nerve quivering with desire. She arched herself into his chest and dropped one hand to his thigh, running her hand slowly from mid-thigh to his hip. She smiled in triumph when she heard his answering groan.

"This needs to move to a more appropriate setting," she managed just before he captured her lips again and kissed her deeply and thoroughly and turned her very bones to jelly.

When at last lack of oxygen made them separate, Sydney nuzzled her hair. "I agree entirely," he responded, then pulled her with him to stand and head for the open archway and the staircase beyond.

"The lights," she remembered suddenly and pulled away to reach for the light switch.

"Later," he countered impatiently, pulling her back to him just as suddenly and then bending and sweeping a hand behind her knees to lift her off her feet and up into his arms. She squeaked in surprise, but then settled her arms contentedly around his neck and tangled her fingers into the long hair at his collar playfully. As he bore her carefully up the stairs, he stole first one fleeting kiss after another, each getting just a little more passionate than the last as the bedroom door drew nearer.

When at last the front of his knees hit the edge of their bed, Sydney pulled his head back so that he could once more lose himself in her dark eyes, then lowered his lips to hers again. When he bent to deposit her gently on the bed, Miriam held onto him and pulled him down on top of her, then began reaching for shirt buttons as soon as she felt his weight settle on her comfortably.

She only managed one more breathy "My Sydney," before his lips closed on hers again and his hands began exploring newly uncovered and sensitive skin. And then no more words were needed.

~~~~~~~~

Sydney closed down his daily report and shut off his computer terminal early. He hadn't come down from the exhilaration of having had her accept his proposal the night before, and it had shown. He'd been as giddy as he had been when their relationship was new, giving even Miss Parker cause to comment knowingly on his mood and Broots cause to smirk conspiratorially. And now he awaited the arrival of her mail cart with the same kind of impatience that he had demonstrated as he had slowly fallen so deeply in love, barely wanting to draw the murder mystery novel from its drawer.

He had leaned back in his comfortable chair, propped his feet up on the desk and was daydreaming - reliving their lovemaking from the night before - when the phone on his desk rang sharply and broke his reverie.

"This is Sydney."

"Sydney?"

He pulled his feet back under him in surprise. "Michelle? Is that you?"

"How are you?"

He blinked, rallying his scattered wits as quickly as he could as the mail cart chose that moment to begin rumbling through the Sim Lab outside his door. "I'm fine. Is everything alright with Nicholas?"

"Yes, of course." Michelle's laughter was bell-like. "I was wondering if you were free for dinner tonight? I'm staying in Dover and thought I might drive down for a visit this evening."

Sydney reached out almost blindly for Miriam with one arm and dragged her over to hug her as if holding an amulet when she hurried to his side. "Dinner? Tonight?" He raised his eyes to her and cringed at the insecurity he saw swelling in her eyes, insecurity that he'd evidently never completely been able to banish. He shook his head at her. "I'd love to, but you should know I'll be bringing someone with me." He smiled up at Miriam encouragingly. "Somebody I'd like very much for you to meet."

He nodded at the phone a couple of times without letting go of his hold on Miriam. "Eight-thirty at the Rawhide Steakhouse. You'll make the reservations?" He paused again. "We'll see you there, then." Carefully he reseated the receiver, then looked back up at Miriam, who stared down at him with the question she needed answered obvious in her eyes. "It's Michelle. She's in town and wants to meet for dinner. I want you to come too."

"Sydney..." Miriam knew very well that Michelle occupied a very special place in Sydney's life as the mother of his only child. "She probably wants to see just you - I'll just be in the way."

He rose to his feet next to her, shaking his head. "No, you won't. You are a part of me now, practically my wife - you will never be in the way for me. Besides, you will need to at least meet her, since I would like very much for Nicholas to be at our wedding." He bent and put a hand on both sides of her face gently. "Besides, I saw that look you gave me. I remember seeing one just like it the day I asked you out the first time - and I refuse to have the same kind of misunderstanding between us this late in the game."

He kissed her nose, then her cheek. "Finish your rounds, and I'll meet you at the car. I made sure we'd have time to see to your mother's meal before we left, but we will have to make it a short visit with her tonight, I'm afraid."

"Are you sure? I can just have you drop me at the house..."

"Absolutely not. I want you with me, my love, if for no other reason than to show you once and for all that you have nothing to fear." He pulled her close and held her gently, then set her away from him. "Now finish your rounds," he urged, taking his own outbox and putting it in the cart for her. "I'll see you in a bit. Just remember, I love you, and I'm going to marry you, no matter what."

Miriam cast him a lingering glance over her shoulder as she exited the Sim Lab. Even with the beautiful diamond on her left hand branding her visibly as his, she knew that Michelle commanded a part of Sydney's life that she would never be able to touch. Michelle had been Sydney's first love; he had been very open with Miriam about what had happened, how deeply Michelle's leaving him all those years ago had wounded him. He'd not hidden how he had hoped for a resumption of his relationship with Michelle after her husband had died - only to be continually disappointed that it never came about. And while Miriam had come to feel secure in his affections among his present-day comrades and friends, she had always secretly entertained the occasional nightmare about Michelle hopping back into Sydney's life and whisking him away from her with but a crook of her finger.

And now it seemed as if the nightmare had come to pass.

She forced herself to keep up her regular pace on the mail drop, but inside her heart was weeping blood and making her feet feel as if made of lead. Each step she imagined taking her closer to the moment when Michelle would look up at Sydney and steal him from her arms. As she walked past the Sim Lab heading toward the elevator, her eyes were too full of tears to see whether he was still in his office, or if he had already headed for the car to wait for her.

It seemed that a day that had started on such a joyous note was heading for disaster, and there was nothing she could do to prevent the catastophe.

~~~~~~~~

While Sarah was overjoyed at the news when Sydney broke it to her, and clucked approvingly over the ring, she could tell that Miriam was upset enough to have lost the sparkle that should have been in her demeanor from becoming engaged within the last twenty-four hours. The old lady laid a hand on Sydney's arm when Miriam went back into the kitchen to finish the meal preparations. "Talk to me, Sydney," was all she said.

"We're meeting Michelle for dinner after we leave here," he explained patiently with a note of worry. Sarah, too, knew the story of Michelle. "I think Miriam's feeling a little insecure."

"I know she is," Sarah confided with a careful glance into the kitchen to make sure her daughter was otherwise occupied. She then turned deeply concerned ebony eyes - so like her daughter's - in Sydney's direction and leaned forward to explain, "She told me once there was only one person she thought capable of ruining everything between you. I would assume from her mood tonight, considering everything else that's happened, that this Michelle must be that one person."

Sydney shook his head. "That's what I was afraid of. I don't know what else I can do, Sarah, besides simply have her there with me the whole time. Maybe she can see that I'm ready to let that part of my life be finished finally - that I'm ready to let Michelle be a part of my past so that SHE can be my future."

"Be patient with her, then, Sydney," Sarah advised in a soft voice, patting the arm she had continued to hang onto and then returning her arm to her wheelchair. "It will be alright in the end."

"What are you two conspiring about?" Miriam asked as she came from the kitchen wiping her hands on a small towel.

"Nothing, dear," Sarah said, pushing at the wheels of her chair to get it moving toward the kitchen and then sighing as Sydney obliged to save her the extra effort by pushing her the rest of the way. "I'm just telling your beau that I'm happy that he'll soon be officially family at last, because I've considered him a son-in-law in fact for quite a while now."

"Mom," Miriam sighed and rolled her eyes indulgently, then kissed her mother's cheek as Sydney rolled her past and up to her place at the kitchen table. "We'll see you tomorrow evening."

"Have a nice dinner, dear," Sarah called, then looked up into Sydney's face and reached over a shoulder to pat his hand on the handle one last time with a meaningful and encouraging look on her face. "Enjoy yourselves, both of you." Sydney bent and gave the old lady a fond peck of his own on her cheek, whereupon the woman tsked at him. "Go on with you, now."

He squeezed her shoulder gently in gratitude, was rewarded by an acknowledging nod, then moved to help Miriam with her coat and scarf. He then made a point of capturing a hand and holding it tightly in his as they walked side by side down the sidewalk through the enclosed entry out to the car.

Miriam settled into the passenger seat, buckled her seatbelt, then sat with her hands in her lap, playing absently with the ring on her left hand. All too soon, they were pulling into the parking lot of the steakhouse.

Sydney had just stepped to Miriam's door and was handing her out when a woman's voice sounded behind him: "Sydney! So good to see you again!" He turned just in time to have a small body push itself into his arms and hug him tightly.

"Michelle!" he responded as he gave her a gentle hug in response and then set her very gently and deliberately away from him. "You're looking well."

"And you look marvelous, my dear. Better even than you did the last time I saw you," Michelle purred at him with a confident smile.

"Um... thank you," Sydney answered, then turned to wrap a possessive arm around Miriam's shoulders and pull her forward. "But if I'm looking better, then I'll have to give credit where credit is due. This is Miriam." He could see Michelle's look of surprise, and he knew that he needed to set the record straight immediately. "My fiancée." He turned to Miriam and noted that the look of insecurity had wavered slightly, and he smiled at her in his most loving way. "Miriam, this is Michelle, a very old and dear friend of mine - Nicholas' mother."

Michelle recovered first, and put out a hand to the woman who now was carefully and lovingly tucked into Sydney's embrace. "Fiancée? This is..." she swallowed and looked up at Sydney's face, which he had carefully schooled into gentle firmness, "...quite a surprise. Very nice to meet you."

Miriam nodded, not daring to speak lest her tremulous voice give away her tumultuous emotions. Michelle was far more pretty that she had even imagined, a petite woman a petite woman with stylishly short auburn hair. She had the kind of beauty that age only enhanced and made gracious. Even though she was even smaller than Michelle, the woman's dancer's grace made Miriam feel like a clumsy peasant with her long salt-and-pepper braid.

"Let's go in, shall we?" Sydney suggested, well aware that the tension of the evening had just gone up several levels and determined to provide leadership through the meal.

Miriam leaned up to Sydney's ear. "I think I'm going to duck into the ladies' room for a minute. Why don't you and Michelle go on to our table, and I'll join you shortly."

"Don't be long," Sydney whispered at her and dropped a kiss on her cheek. "I'll miss you." He watched her head off down the hall, then turned to Michelle.

"A fiancée, Sydney?" she asked with raised eyebrows, then turned to follow the waiter to their table. "Whatever happened to the man who would call me every weekend, to see how I was faring?"

"He woke up and smelled the coffee after two years of unrequited pining, Michelle," he replied gently, with understanding, as he pulled out her chair for her, "and then he happened to work late one night and met someone new." He seated himself directly across the table from her, very obviously and deliberately putting a seat between them.

Michelle let her blue eyes speak her feelings across the table. "I came this evening, hoping that you would still be ready to try again with US, Sydney." She laid her hand palm up on the table, reaching for him. "We share a son, can't we..."

"No," he shook his head gently yet firmly, and took her hand in his with no trace of the passion with which he had once held her. "I'm engaged to be married, Michelle. I love Miriam - as much as I ever loved you. I will always love you; and you're right, we share a son that will tie us together for the rest of our lives. But I'm IN love with Miriam. I belong with her."

Michelle pulled back her hand from Sydney's keeping and looked down at her place setting. "I waited too long," she chided herself. "I did the one thing I promised I'd never do to another human being, I took you for granted, took your always being there patiently waiting for me for granted." Then she looked up again, and her blue eyes were swimming. "And now I've lost you."

"I'm sorry, Michelle," Sydney responded sadly. "When the Centre convinced you to leave, our time really was ended - even when the Centre was no longer an obstacle. You eventually found happiness with George; can't you see that I'm finding it with Miriam now?"

"I can see very little else, my dear," she said, sniffling and wiping at an escaped tear with trembling fingers, then rose. "Look, I'm not going to make a fuss, or try to convince you to change your mind. I know you've waited a very long time for happiness, and I'm glad you've finally found it. Really." She stepped over to him and bent to drop a very soft and sad kiss on his cheek. "Congratulations, Sydney. I hope you two will be very happy together." She gathered up her coat, which she'd laid over the back of one of the extra chairs, and walked resolutely toward the door.

Sydney had risen the moment he'd figured out what Michelle was up to, then seated himself with a sigh of released tension to wait for Miriam to return. They would be having a private dinner after all.

Another five minutes passed, and when no Miriam had come to the table, Sydney motioned to the waiter. "There was another lady in my party," he began, whereupon the waiter began nodding.

"Yes. She left about ten minutes ago."

Sydney stared at the man. "She WHAT? Did she leave a message?"

"No, sir, she just rushed out after calling a cab, I think."

Sydney reached numbly into his wallet for a few bills and dropped them abruptly on the table. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, and rushed from the restaurant.

His car was still sitting in the parking lot where he'd left it. He looked madly up and down the street, then remembered the waiter telling him she had called a cab to get home. He quickly climbed into the car and brought the engine to life. The trip through the streets of Blue Cove had never seemed to take so long, but soon he was pulling up into his driveway.

And his heart fell into his shoes when the garage door had lifted far enough that he could see that her little Nova was no longer in its spot next to where his town car fit.

Frantic now, he rushed into the kitchen and grabbed up the handset to the phone and dialed a number from memory.

"Hello?"

"Sarah? This is Sydney..."

"Sydney! And how did..."

"Is Miriam over there?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "No," the old woman answered slowly and with deep concern in her voice. "What happened?"

"She never even came and sat down at the table," he related, his voice raising as his worry approached critical mass, "she excused herself to the ladies' room and then evidently left from there."

"Oh, Sydney..." He could tell that Sarah was as stunned and upset as he was. "She isn't here, dear, and I haven't heard a word from her."

"Will you tell her..." His voice broke before he could finish his sentence.

"Of course I will," the old woman reassured him. "Don't worry. She'll be back."

"God..." Sydney replaced the receiver in its cradle and sank into a kitchen chair when his legs would no longer support him. He had just buried his face in his hands when the phone began ringing. He snatched at the handset.

"Miriam? Where are you?" he demanded frantically.

"Sydney?" Jarod inquired in a puzzled tone after a short pause of surprise. "Is something wrong?"

"Jarod." Sydney breathed the name of his protégé in frustration.

"What's going on, Syd?" the younger man now demanded.

"Miriam's gone." Sydney stood, no longer able to stay quietly seated, and carried the handset of the phone with him as he walked slowly through the house. At every step he couldn't help noticing painfully all the little changes of décor that wore Miriam's signature. He paused in the doorway of the living room, then turned on the light so he could see the piano, sitting silent in the corner of the room.

"Oh, God!" he choked, hardly able to breathe and feeling his heart constrict even more painfully at the sight of the diamond ring sitting on top of the closed keyboard cover. It was an exquisitely clear message; and in that moment, Sydney's life shattered.

"Sydney!" Jarod was getting seriously worried.

Sydney merely pushed the button to disconnect the call with numb fingers, then set the handset gently on an end table and sank to his knees next to the piano bench. "My Miriam," he whispered brokenly, carefully taking the ring in his hand, "come home to me." He then laid his head on the piano bench and cried.

~~~~~~~~

Miss Parker guided her Boxter through the nighttime streets of Blue Cove with grim intent. She had been just about to turn in when she had received two phone calls in rapid succession. The first was from Sarah, knowing that she was Sydney's close friend and worrying into her ear about his reaction to Miriam's extreme response to Michelle's return. That was enough to get Miss Parker scrambling back into her street clothing, but then Jarod had called and nearly screamed into her ear to get to Sydney immediately - that the older man was in trouble and needed help.

She pulled her car in behind Sydney's town car, and shuddered at the sight of the empty space in the garage even as she hurried through the connecting door and into the house, calling his name. She stopped, paused, and listened, then followed the sounds of the soft sighing and weeping to the door of the living room. The sight of a man whom she'd known since childhood, reduced to tears and in a crumpled heap on the floor with his head buried in his arms on the piano bench, was almost more than she could handle. She took a deep breath to steel herself against her own tears, and walked quietly to her old friend's side, knelt next to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

"Syd?" she called gently. "C'mon, Sydney, I'm here."

"Miriam's gone," he repeated in a toneless, dead voice. "I've lost her."

"We'll find her," Miss Parker reassured him quickly, his grief jelling her determination. "I'll get Broots and Jarod to help, and we'll find her for you."

It took considerable urging, but finally she was able to convince the grieving psychiatrist to get to his feet and sit at the end of his couch. Only then, when she finally seated herself next to him and put her arm about his shoulders again, did Sydney break down completely and begin sobbing out his loss on her shoulder. At a loss at first, Miss Parker remembered the last time she had found herself in the position of having to comfort her old friend as he grieved. Then once more she encircled him with her arms and held him and let him cry himself out, murmuring the occasional words of comfort and soothing in his ear when she thought he might hear them.

At last exhausted and without any strength left with which to argue with her, Sydney numbly let her bully him into laying down and letting her stuff sofa pillows beneath his head. With the knit afghan from the back of the couch thrown over him for warmth, he conceded to her urging him to close his eyes and try to sleep on the couch for the night. Miss Parker dimmed the light and then carried the phone handset with her toward the kitchen. She caught the next call after the first ring.

"What?"

"Is he OK?" Jarod was too worried to bother with niceties or games.

"We gotta find her for him, Jarod," she responded, dropping into a kitchen chair and putting her face in her hand. "I've never seen him like this. It's like he's gone dead inside."

"What the hell happened?" Jarod demanded. "He was deliriously happy, the last time I talked to him."

Miss Parker sighed. "He'd just asked Miriam to marry him..."

"About damned time..."

"Do you want to hear this or no?"

The chagrin of his pause communicated clearly. "Sorry. Please..."

"Well, Michelle chose this moment to come back."

Now the pause communicated shock - the same kind she'd experienced when Sarah had filled her in. "Oh damn."

"Yeah. And evidently Miriam made a wrong assumption, and left him at the restaurant."

"How? Did she take Syd's car?"

"Nope. Called a cab."

"That's where we start, then..."

Miss Parker sighed again, this time in frustration. "Ya think, boy-genius?"

"Look, we can't afford to bicker right now, Parker. This is Sydney's life we're trying to salvage."

"I know..." she sighed again, then straightened. "But the fact is that we already know that she came home - to Sydney's, that is. Her car is gone. Going to the cab company won't give us anything we don't already know."

"Then get her license plate from the Centre database, and I'll get her inputted into the police database with an APB." He paused, thinking. "What about Sydney?"

"I've got him laying down and sleeping on the couch for the moment," she informed him tiredly.

"Can you stay with him?"

"I suppose I can bed down in an easy chair next to him," she responded, rubbing her eye tiredly.

"We'll find her, Parker. And until we do, we'll have to have one of us stick to him like glue, so he doesn't do anything... precipitous."

"You don't think..."

"You saw him," Jarod reminded her grimly. "You're the one there in the house with him. What do you think?"

She shuddered. "We have to find her, Jarod." She gazed in the direction of the living room. "You're right, one of us is going to have to stay with him; because I don't think I want to face what will happen if we don't."

~~~~~~~~

Miriam rolled over in bed and groaned, then covered her eyes against the bright sunlight that streamed through the motel window and onto her face. That's right, she reminded herself, she WAS in a motel - and today she would not be going to work. Her work in Blue Cove was finished; she would never be able to return there. She would re-establish herself, then send for her mother eventually.

No, that wasn't right. Her mother needed her close by. Miriam's eyes filled with tears that she let flow freely. She was still trapped in Blue Cove, where she would be forced to know that another woman had taken her place at her Sydney's side and have that fact shoot a crippling dart into her heart every day for the rest of her life. Her worst nightmare had come to pass - she'd known it when she'd stepped into the dining room and seen Sydney take Michelle's hand across the table.

She stumbled from bed toward the bathroom and stood for a very long time under the hot spray of the shower until the water was beginning to get uncomfortably cold. Then, shivering, she dried herself and climbed back into her work clothes from the day before. She was hungry - she hadn't eaten dinner after all nor purchased herself any food after fleeing the restaurant - but the pain in her stomach was one she could focus her mind on in order to distract herself from the agony of a broken heart.

Without having even opened her suitcase except to extract her toiletries, she had very little to repack again. Then, finished, she was sitting on the edge of her bed struggling to control the tears that just kept flowing down her cheeks when she heard a gentle tapping on her door.

She wiped swiftly at her face with backs of her hands then opened the door as far as the security chain would allow. "Yes?"

The young man outside her door had gentle, dark eyes. "Are you Miriam?" he asked without any preamble.

The question took her aback. "Why?"

"My name is Jarod," he stated softly. Jarod. Sydney had told her so much about his protégé - the man whom he considered as a son to him, the man whom he assured her was a genius who had managed to keep the Centre resources completely bamboozled and at a loss to find him for well over five years. And he'd found her in just a few hours.

"Jarod," she breathed. "What do you want?"

"Can I come in?"

If everything Sydney had told her about this young man were true, then she had little to fear from him. She closed the door enough to dislodge the security chain, then opened the door to him.

"I hope you don't mind, but I brought somebody with me that I think you need to talk to," the young man said as he stepped through the door, then turned and stretched out a hand to someone standing out of sight and pulled Michelle with him into the room.

A hand to her mouth in shock and confusion, Miriam backed up until the bed caught her behind the knees and forced her to sit down suddenly. "Michelle!"

"Can I have a moment with her, alone?" the mother of Sydney's son turned and asked Jarod quietly, and the young man ducked his head and stepped back through the open motel room door and out onto the sidewalk of the parking lot.

Michelle looked down at the confused woman on the bed. "Do you have any idea what you've done?" she asked her with no small amount of frustration.

Miriam blinked, then found strength for her voice in the grief she bore. "Of course I do. I stepped aside so that Sydney could be happy with you."

The other woman got the strangest look of disbelief and frustration on her face, then shook her head and backed up until she too could sit down, only in one of the uncomfortably padded chairs near the door. "That's what Jarod said you'd say, and I couldn't believe that you'd be that foolish."

"Foolish? Is it foolish to want Sydney's happiness?" Miriam cried, her voice breaking.

"No. But it IS foolishness to think that Sydney's happiness included me." Michelle's voice held a note of grief of her own that made Miriam sit up and take notice.

"What are you saying?"

"That he told me that he was marrying you - that while he would always love me as the mother of his son, that he was IN love with you and belonged with you." Michelle smiled sadly. "I remember when the look on his face when he looked at you was the one he gave me. I waited too long, and now I've lost him. It's so obvious, I can't understand how you could possibly believe otherwise: he's completely devoted to you. I didn't stand a chance - and if I'd been honest with myself, I would have known that the moment he introduced you to me."

"What?!"

Having unashamedly listened to the two women speak through the still-open door, Jarod decided to stay out of the conversation no longer. "She means that she walked out on Sydney just a few minutes after you left the restaurant, leaving him alone and waiting for you to come back from the restroom." Those expressive chocolate eyes rested on her with mild reproach. "And when you didn't, he became frantic. Then, when he got home and found you gone, leaving your engagement diamond behind..."

Miriam swallowed. How could she have been so wrong? Hadn't he told her that she had nothing to fear? Why hadn't she believed him? Why hadn't she trusted him?

"Miriam." Jarod called to her to break through her self-condemnation. "For God's sake, please. He needs you. Your disappearance has just about killed him."

"He loves YOU," Michelle added her voice to Jarod's. "You need to go home. Take good care of him for me, will you? I know you already have, but I need to know that you'll keep on taking care of him. Please, I love him too..."

"But..." Miriam swallowed, and then shook her head. "I've... hurt him badly now... He won't want..."

"Please." Jarod had never known such desperation. "If you don't love him after all, that's one thing. But if you do love him at all, then for God's sake go home NOW! I don't know how much longer he can survive without you with him. Parker and Broots are doing shift work to stay with him every minute, in case he gets it in his head to harm himself..."

Miriam looked at her beloved's protégé closely, then at Michelle, and finally allowed their desperate worry for Sydney's welfare to register fully. "My God!" she whispered. "What have I done?"

~~~~~~~~

Miss Parker sat in the Sim Lab, pushing the papers around in front of her in distraction, barely paying attention to what they said. She had moved into the Sim Lab, and her paperwork that normally would keep her in her own office was now scattered across the test subject table. All this so that she could keep her eye on the man seated dejectedly inside the glass doors of his office, staring at the walls without seeing them.

Jarod had called very early that morning to tell her he had a lead and that he would be in touch. Since that call, however, he had been uncommunicative - something that had not helped her mood one bit.

Sydney had been passively responsive to being bullied again into showering and changing into clean clothes to come in to work. Miss Parker had decided to take the shaving razor out of his hand and perform that intimate task for him herself, however, when she saw the way he'd been looking at the razor. It had been a long day since then. She had given him busy-work paperwork to occupy his mind after she'd canceled his psychological research for the day and sent all of his test subjects packing.

Now, with the day ended and nearly everyone gone home, she knew she would soon have to go into that office and bully him again - something she really DIDN'T enjoy doing very much at all under the circumstances - into coming home with her. She would take him to her house this time, so that he wouldn't be surrounded with reminders of his lost love to make his agony more acute. Miss Parker sighed for what was the probably at least the hundredth time that day and started pushing her paperwork back into their respective file folders so the whole lot could be shoved unceremoniously back into her briefcase. She would need to get moving now, because it was nearly seven-thirty, and yet another reminder of what he'd lost would soon be coming...

Too late. She could hear the rumble of the mail cart making its way down the corridor from the elevator door toward the Sim Lab. With a quick glance at the office to see whether Sydney had noticed yet, she got to her feet and walked swiftly over to the Sim Lab doors in order to close them. Then she saw the person pushing the mail cart and froze in her tracks as the cart came steadily closer.

"If you EVER hurt him like that again," she snarled in a fierce whisper into Miriam's ear, "I'll kill you myself. Do you understand me?"

Miriam looked up into the tall brunette's enraged face, a tear she'd promised herself she wouldn't shed escaping to her cheek anyway. She remembered her first meeting with the imposing Chairman's daughter and the quick reassurance that, contrary to popular belief, her bark was far worse than her bite. Now, suddenly, she was very certain that both could be quite dangerous and potentially lethal. "I swear to you that if I ever hurt him again like that," she whispered back penitently, "you won't have to worry. I'll do the job myself long before you could get to me."

Miss Parker nodded, satisfied that Miriam had understood the serious nature of her threat, then stood aside and jerked her head at the Sim Lab office door. "Leave the cart to me, then. Just get your ass in there and fix what you broke."

Without a word, Miriam stepped away from the mail cart and into the Sim Lab proper, her eyes fixed on the open door to the office and the slumped figure sitting at the desk. Now she could see his despond, his utter defeat - and she understood the fear that had motivated his friends and former lover to move Heaven and Earth to find her. Sydney's hair was unkempt, as if he had run his hands through it so many times that it looked as if he'd been in a wind tunnel. His chestnut eyes, so expressive of emotions he would otherwise hold in check, were blank, dead.

It was like a stab in the heart. SHE had done this - over nothing.

There was no way she could prevent the tears from streaming down her face. She moved quietly into the office, not avoiding being seen by him but knowing he wasn't paying attention to anyone or anything around him, and over to his side to kneel by his chair. "I'm so sorry, my Sydney," she whispered finally, and put her hand on his arm.

Slowly the chestnut eyes focussed marginally on the room around him, then looked down at the weeping woman at his arm. It was too much to hope that he wouldn't start hallucinating again, he thought with the portion of his mind that was the scientist being the only one capable of function. Grief could drive a man insane - make him see things that weren't there. "My Miriam," he murmured brokenly to himself, staring at the vision of his love kneeling next to him. How he wished she were really there, but he knew better.

Miriam suddenly realized that he hadn't really perceived her return yet. She reached up a hand and cupped his cheek. "Sydney," she called softly to him. "My love. Come back to me."

He smiled sadly at the hallucination, which had apparently advanced to the point that he could even feel a touch on his face. Madness. "I didn't leave," he complained with very little inflection, his voice as dead as his expression. "I didn't leave."

"Sydney!" She was getting worried, and her hand moved back to his arm and shook him a little, and then again. "Sydney!"

He blinked. This hallucination was different from the others he'd had so far - he had felt that shake as surely as if it were Miss Parker bullying him again. Maybe it was... He sighed and stretched tiredly, feeling in his neck and back the stiffness of having stayed seated for nearly the entire day - and yet found it inexplicably impossible to move his arm. He looked down again. The vision was still there, hanging onto the arm tightly now.

"God, I wish you were real," he sighed, reaching out his other hand and expecting it to pass straight through her head without encountering anything but air - only to land it in soft hair and against a very solid-feeling skull. He blinked again, and shook his head.

"I AM real, my Sydney," Miriam breathed, tears flowing down her chin and neck. She put her hand on his as it lay against her face. "I'm here. I'm real."

He was like a drowning man suddenly dragged to the surface and able to pull air again. His eyes widened, first in surprise and then in desperation, and he reached out the other trembling hand for the other side of her face. "Miriam?"

Miriam turned and landed a kiss in the palm before it had settled against her.

"Miriam?" The chestnut eyes had lost their deadness, but had filled with tears of pain and betrayal instead. He pulled his hands from her as if burned, accepting her presence at last as reality but still reeling enough from his shock and grief that he was instinctively unwilling to make himself vulnerable to her. "At least I know you're safe," he managed after several deep breaths to steel his heart against being abandoned again.

"Sydney, I'm so sorry," Miriam choked, then leaned her head against his thigh. "I saw... I thought..." She felt his hand brush against her hair very fleetingly.

"I know what you saw," he replied as if from a distance. "I told you I didn't want another misunderstanding, remember? Only it happened anyway..." He sighed deeply, and Miriam could hear the broken heart in that sigh in a sound that shattered her composure utterly. "I don't know else what I could do to make you believe me. Why didn't you trust me?"

It was a question she had asked herself during the entire time Jarod had driven her back to Blue Cove from Dover, and a question which had required her to do some painful soul-searching to answer.

"It wasn't you, my love. It was me I couldn't trust," she replied, and began sobbing. "I told you that I kept waiting for the dream to end, because I couldn't imagine anybody loving me that way. And then Michelle was so pretty - graceful - and she had given you a son. I knew I couldn't compete - I'm too old to give you a child now. I just couldn't let myself believe you'd choose me over that beauty and history." She raised her head and looked at him. "Can you forgive me?"

"I can't do anything else, Miriam. I love you," he answered simply, too tired and depleted to do more than keep his emotions carefully locked behind walls usually used to keep himself scientifically neutral. "But I can't live like this, with your distrust of yourself putting our life together at risk. If I can't convince you that you mean more to me than life itself, then this needs to end here - WE need to end here. Now." A tear slipped from his eye and onto the pale cheek beneath. "No matter how painful that might be."

"Sydney," she was sobbing again. "I never knew anybody could love me as much as you do - and I don't know how I'll go on if you feel we need to end this." The pain was too great - and suddenly the urge to escape was overwhelming. She moved quickly to her feet. "I'm sorry, Sydney. I swear to you I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much... But if this needs to end now, then I need to..." She spun on her heel and began toward the office door, her eyes clouding with tears that made it hard to see.

Finally, with her sudden movement, Sydney snapped out of his torpor. He sprang to his feet and reached out a desperate hand and snagged an arm to yank her to a stop before she could get more than just a few steps. "NO! Not like this. Not again!"

"Sydney," she pleaded, turning to him blinded with tears.

"Do you love me?" he demanded, his voice, once dead, now hoarse with his demand.

"Yes," she sobbed. "So much it hurts."

"Do you still want to marry me?" he insisted in a still-demanding voice.

"Yes," she sighed, the question shocking her from her sobs. "More than anything."

"Do you believe me when I say I love you?" he insisted, his voice growing softer.

"Yes," she whispered. "I know I could never have hurt you like this if it weren't true. I'm so sorry..."

"Then stay with me," he responded and pulled on her until he could gather her into his arms and hold her against him tightly. "I can't live without you, my Miriam. I don't even want to try anymore."

"Sydney," Miriam wrapped her arms around him and held him back as tightly as he held her, for the moment unable to believe that she had survived her nightmare with a life intact. That her fear that she had lost him was nothing but illusion after all. She felt him lean his cheek on the top of her head, and then felt the moisture of his tears on her scalp. "I'm so sorry." The apology came from the very bottom of her soul.

"Shhhhhhhhhh..." he soothed brokenly. "I'm sorry too. We're together now, and that's all that matters. It will be alright..."

They stood in the Sim Lab holding each other close without speaking for a very long time. Then, finally, Miriam stirred in his arms. "Take me home, Sydney? Please?"

Sydney loosened his hold on her and put a hand in his trouser pocket and pulled it out again slowly. Between his fingers, the diamonds sparkled. Hoping against hope, he hadn't been able to leave it behind that morning, fearing that it would be all he would ever have of her. He took a deep breath, then took her left hand in his and put the ring back on her finger where it belonged. He lifted the hand to his lips, then held it against his wet cheek. "It's you who'll have to take ME home, I'm afraid. Miss Parker wouldn't let me drive this morning," he informed her with tired chagrin.

"My purse is in clerical," she replied with a very shaky smile and then wrapped her hand into the crook of his elbow. "And so are my keys. I'm afraid you'll have to try to fit into the Nova..."

He put his other hand on top of hers and held on tightly, as if fearful that she would pull away from him again. "I can do that. You're home. I can do anything if I know you're with me."

They walked together to the elevator and waited for the sliding door to open, only to find themselves facing a very concerned Miss Parker stepping out of the elevator instead. She handed Miriam her purse after satisfying herself that Sydney had at last regained a measure of composure, control and peace of mind. "Take him home and take CARE of him," she demanded quietly and insistently. "And I want you both to take the day off tomorrow to put yourselves back together again." She leaned and deposited a gentle kiss on Sydney's pale cheek, then landed a fond and meaningful glare at Miriam. "Go on, now. Get out of here and don't let me see either of you for at least another thirty-six hours. I've already cleared it with your supervisor."

Then she stepped out of the way so they could get into the elevator car.

~~~~~~~~

Miriam lay quietly within the warm circle of Sydney's arms, her head pillowed comfortably on his pectorals, and wept her relief and her guilt. This was where she belonged - the one and only place she ever really and truly wanted to be - and she would never stray far again. She had learned her lesson.

They had driven home quietly and with very little discussion shared a light meal designed more to take the edge from their hunger than anything else. Neither could remember the last time they'd eaten. Miriam had finally worked up the courage to call her mother, and then sat quietly and listened patiently as Sarah chastised her verbally at length for what she'd put Sydney through. Sydney had come to sit next to her at the table at about the time the tears began to fall again and had held her in his arms. Eventually he took the phone away from her and assured Sarah gently that Miriam was well aware of her error and would never make the same mistake again before saying goodbye and hanging up.

Then there had been the phone call from Jarod, checking up on his mentor and then demanding to speak to her so that he could quietly issue a threat of his own that was identical to Miss Parker's. She smiled sadly. Sydney had very loyal, very capable friends who were determined to see to his welfare - friends that included her own mother now - and she knew she had her job cut out for her if she were ever to win their trust back. She knew she deserved that mistrust now, and she stifled a sob at the thought that she'd failed so many people with one incredibly stupid move - and that she'd failed herself the worst of all.

Sydney's arms immediately tightened around her, and he bent his head down to drop a kiss onto the top of her head. He hadn't been asleep after all, but also resting quietly and enjoying the peace that came from holding his beloved in his arms. "Shhhhhh," he soothed in a whisper. "Don't cry, my love."

"I can't help it," she replied, turning into him and laying a possessive arm across his waist. She kissed his chest through the pajama top and nestled her head in closer. "I almost ruined this."

"But you came back." Sydney's whisper was firm, almost as if he was reclaiming his security with that statement. His hand came up to hold her face against him gently. "That's all that matters."

Her hand at his waist began stroking his side slowly and gently. "I love you, my Sydney."

He shifted against her until he could capture her lips with his. The kiss began as a soft and gentle kiss of comforting, but very quickly became insistent, hungry, and demanding that she respond in kind. It was as if all of the strong emotions he'd held in check up to this point were suddenly let loose again. "Don't ever leave me again," he whispered fiercely as he gently settled her back into her pillow and began running one hand down her side, over her hip to her thigh to seek out the hem of her nightgown and slip beneath it.

"I won't," she replied, breathless with desire as she surrounded him with her arms and pulled him over on top of her. "Love me!"

"I do love you. Wife," he murmured passionately as his hand found what it was seeking and soon had her arching against him and reaching out in turn.

"Husband," she managed as he claimed her lips as his again in a searing kiss and made her heart sing again at last.

And then no more words were needed.