I found you sitting on a suitcase crying

Beneath my feet I feel the rumble of a subway train

And I laugh out loud

Cause it's the one thing I hadn't been trying

The train came in breathless

The passenger's restless

You say, "Baby, you'll never change"

You gotta get gone

You gotta get going

Hey, the world ain't slowin' down

For no one

It's a carnival calling out to you

And it sounds like a song

It hits you like scripture

You paint the picture

With colors squeezed from your hand

Weren't you the kid

Who just climbed on a merry-go-round

Hey, look, the world ain't slowin' down

Out on the sidewalk

The pigeons do the moonwalk

I'll be dancing like Fred Astaire

The lampposts are rockin'

The whole town is talking

Like a fool in a barber's chair

And I get the sensation

It's joy and frustration

Like getting caught by a drop of cold rain

Freedom can numb you

When there's no place to run to

It feels just like Novocain

You gotta get gone

You gotta get going

Hey, the world ain't slowin' down

For no one…

You packed up all your handbags

You're throwing off the sandbags

I let go when you stepped free

I didn't want to lose you

You said, "You didn't choose to --

It's just how your karma came"

But thanks for the vision,

And the twenty-twenty wisdom

It hit me like a south-bound train

You gotta get gone

You gotta get going

Hey, the world ain't slowin' down

For no one…

© Ellis Paul Music (SESAC) 1998

If you call I will answer

and if you fall I will pick you up

and if you court this disaster I'll point you home

I'll point you home

Emily:

As soon as I could walk, I was out of there. I felt a bit bad, knowing
both Jarod and Dad would worry about me. Jarod was helping Ethan. Dad was
taking care of the boy. We would find Mom together. That only left one
order of unfinished business, as far as I was concerned. Lyle. That son
of a bitch had killed Kyle, pushed me out a window, and I was sure as hell
not going to just let it go. Jarod may not have killed him, because it
was "wrong", but I'm past the point of caring about right and wrong anymore.
That bastard is gonna pay. I am going to cause him pain, in more ways then
he has ever imagined.

Two Months Later:

Blonde hair dye, contacts, and skin toner can change someone remarkably.
I changed the outward appearance and got a job at the Centre as a…well,
they gave it some long fancy name, but basically, I was to help Lyle and
the other three on the hunt for Jarod.

As the elevator came to a stop, the doors opened and I got off. Quickly
I made my way to my new office, which was about half way between Lyle and
Miss Parker's. I was about twenty minutes early so I got aquatinted to
my new surroundings. By the time I had arranged everything to my liking
and had gone to the bathroom, it was time to meet the boss. This unnerved
me, I was terrified Lyle would recognize me. Deciding to face the music,
I made my way down the hall, took a deep breath, and knocked on Lyle's
office door.

"Come in," Lyle's voice, even muffled by the door, sent shivers through
me. I entered and he looked to see who it was. "Ah, you must be Faith Turner,
our newest addition on the hunt for Jarod. I assume you have been briefed
on what you will be doing?"

"Yes sir," I had to work to keep the hate out of my tone.

"Okay, why don't you go down and meet the others," he said, sitting
back down behind his desk. As I was about to leave, he spoke up again,
"Hey, you look kind of familiar. Have we met?"

 I paused, panicking, "No, we've never met."

He gave me a strange look, but left it at that and nodded. As I left,
I could still feel his eyes on me and once in the hall and out of his sight
I shivered. He had been staring at me in a, I don't know, leering way the
whole time I was in there. Good, the first part of my plan was working.
He found me attractive, and that would be somewhat crucial to what I had
planned.

Lyle:

As soon as she came in I gasped internally. She was beautiful. Not the
type I usually went for, but I can't deny my immediate attraction to her.
Even more than that, as much as I hate to admit it, she intimidated me.
She seemed so cool and calm. Most people are almost quivering in fear when
the meet me, but not her. I usually enjoy the looks of fear, but I was
surprised to find myself smiling at the small smirk she had on her face,
as if we shared some private joke.

But still, I couldn't help but feel as if we had met before. In fact,
she reminded me a bit of… nah. Couldn't be. Emily is somewhere with Jarod,
probably gloating over their victory over me.

Emily:

It's been a few weeks that I've been here, helping them search for my
brother. I've seen Lyle several times since that first day, and every day
I find him more attractive. 'No,' I tell myself, 'you are not falling for
him.' But that's the problem. I am falling for him. When I look at him,
I don't see my brother's killer. I see a man, a beautiful man, who was
thrown into this whole shitty way of life, just like the rest of us.

Then there's the whole part where he thinks I'm a psyche major. Which,
by the way, I'm not. Yeah, I took a few psychology classes in college,
but nothing extensive. I just put that in my resume because it made me
look good. But, he doesn't know that. A few days after I started, he approached
me about the idea of me counseling him. Deep down, he doesn't like the
life he's living and he wants to change. That's what we established in
the first session. Since then we've been slowly working the way through
his life, facing the demons, finding the specific events that have made
him the monster he is now. And as eager as he seems to change, there is
still a part of me that is terrified it's an act.

Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you
believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given
innocence
You've been given innocence again

You should know by now
That the darkest hour
Is when
your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the
sweet begins
Grace is a sufficiency

But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could
earn it
Now, here the choice is yours

Jarod:
 When I got back that night, the first thing I noticed
was that Emily was gone.  I felt my stomach drop and land somewhere around
my knees.  I looked quickly around, looking for signs of a struggle and
finding none.  A slip of paper on the table caught my eye.  Picking it
up, I began to read—

Dear Jarod,
I know you’ll freak out when you find out I’m gone,
but don’t worry about me.  I figure from the news that both you and Ethan
survived the bombing. Our family is almost all back together.  But even
when it is, there will still be one piece missing.  I can’t just let Lyle
get away with what he did to Kyle.  Don’t worry about me.  As soon as
I’m done with this I’ll be back.
     
Love,
         Emily

 I sighed as I finished.  She had gone after Lyle, putting herself
in danger.  Then again, there wasn’t really much I could do but hope she
knew what she was doing.  Sighing again, I left to find Dad.

Emily:
 Glancing at the clock, I saw that it was almost 10:00
am.  That was when Lyle came in for his sessions.  I cleaned up the
area around my desk and cleared off the small couch in my office, as Lyle
usually laid on it while he talked to me.  Stereotypical yes, but he seemed
more comfortable that way.

 At ten on the dot, there was a soft knock on my door.  I called
for him to come in.  When he did, he took my breath away.  He looked
like he normally did, dressed in a suit and tie, each and every hair in
place.  But the look on his face was one I had seen only a handful of times
since we had met.  It was one of fear, an emotion I had not thought him
capable of.  It was one of a child, forced to grow up too fast, and see
things no one, especially not a child, should ever see.  But mostly, it was
one of innocence.  Just as Jarod’s, mine and Kyle’s innocence had been
stolen at an early age, so had his.  ‘He’s a product of the Centre,’ I told
my self, ‘forced into a life he didn’t ask for, just like the rest of us.’

 “Hey,” I said, “right on time.  Sit down and we’ll get started.”

 And so he lay down and we began.  For about an hour, I just
listened to him, occasionally making note of something important.  It was
in the middle of making a note when I realized something.  He had told me
about Bobby and he told me about Lyle.  These were two completely different
people.  Lyle was a cold- blooded killer, the monster that had killed my
brother.  But Bobby was just a scared little boy, and all he had ever
wanted was for someone to love him.

 And that was when everything became clear to me.  Why I was
falling in love with him.  When he was around me, Lyle disappeared and it
was like he had never existed.  I was in love with Bobby, not Lyle.  I
also knew that he was beating himself up for all the bad things he had
done.  He didn’t understand that they were two different people.

 “Bobby,” I started when he reached a stopping point, “it wasn’t your
fault.  None of this shit was your fault.”

 He gave me a funny look.  “Bobby? Why’d you call me that?”

 I gave him a small smile. “Because, there is a difference.  Bobby
didn’t do any of that, that was Lyle.  Lyle was trained by Rainse to be a
killer.  Bobby’s the little boy you used to be, who sometimes takes over,
when you let someone in and stop fighting to keep everyone away.”

 And the look on his face told me that, finally, he understood the
difference.

Lyle:

 She was so beautiful.  Ever since her first day, she was all I
could think about.  Once my sessions started, I found myself falling in
love with her.  She was just so kind; she really seemed to care about
me.  For the first time in a long time, I felt as if I mattered to
someone.  As if I belonged.  During my second session, I had broken
down, and she had taken me in her arms, soothing away the hurt and pain. 
In those few minutes where her arms were wrapped around me I felt safe.  I
felt like I was somewhere I had never been before.  Home.

 While I was talking, she was taking notes like she usually does, but
all of a sudden, a look of, I don’t know, enlightenment came over her
face.  Seeing that she was preoccupied with this epiphany I stopped. 
Sensing that I was done, she spoke.  The first thing that registered was
that she was telling me that it wasn’t my fault.  As I was about to argue,
I realized she had called me Bobby.  Not Lyle.  I asked her why, and,
smiling gently, she explained to me that they were two different people. 
Thinking about it, I realized she was right.  There was always a part of me
that crawled away and hid when I went in to Lyle mode.

 When she saw that I understood, she smiled and walked over to her
stereo and put in a CD.

 “I want you to listen to this, to these lyrics, okay?”

 I nodded and she pushed play.  At first I just listened, and I
couldn’t understand what she was getting at, until something caught my
attention.

Who are you gonna be?
When you're on your knees, who do you
believe?
Fear is a lonely man
You've been given
innocence
You've been given innocence again

You should know by now
That the darkest hour
Is when
your broken heart goes down
It's a bitter end
When the
sweet begins
Grace is a sufficiency

But, oh dear, we'll never deserve it
No dear, we never could
earn it
Now, here the choice is yours

 Seeing a gentle smile on her face, I understood what she was getting
at.  All three of those verses fit perfectly, but the bottom line was, I
had been given innocence again.

Emily:

 Pushing stop on the CD player, I turned my back to him, and took a few
deep breaths, trying to calm myself.  At that moment, my feelings for him
were controlling all rational thinking.  All I wanted was to go over there,
take him in my arms, and kiss him like there was no tomorrow.  But, in the
relationship we have established these past few months, that is not allowed.

 Once I had calmed myself, I went over and sat next to him on the
couch.  I could see that he was struggling to keep a calm face, but his
trembling hands gave him away.  Putting my hand on his back, I started to
rub it in small circles, trying to calm him.  Turning to look me, he gave
me a small smile, but I could still see the tears in his eyes.  I couldn’t
help but feel sorry for him.  Then, they started to slip down his face and,
at a loss of what to do, I took him in my arms, still rubbing his back, and
whispering what I hoped to be soothing comments in his ear.

 When he had calmed himself, he pulled way slightly, his lips now only
an inch or two above mine.  I looked up at him.

 “Sorry about that,” he whispered.

 “No it’s okay, you are completely justified in crying after
everything.” I told him, also whispering.

 He looked down at me a moment longer before he closed his eyes and
shook his head.  I wondered what was wrong, so I asked, “Hey, what’s
wrong?”

 He opened his eyes and looked down at me. “It doesn’t matter.”

 “If it’s, bothering you-“ that was as far as I got before he cut me
off.

 “Faith, it doesn’t matter.”

 “It matters to me.”  And it did.  I really was worried about
him.

 He paused and took a deep breath before replying, in barely more than a
whisper, “I’m in love with you.”

 I looked at him in shock and when I opened my mouth to speak, no noise
came out.   Seeing my reaction, he started again. “Yeah, look I’m
really sorry.  I wasn’t exactly planning on it, but… well, I’m sorry.”

 “You tell me you’re in love with me and then you tell me your sorry?
What right do you have?”  I was, to say the least, shocked with his
revelation.

Lyle:

 “I’m in love with you.”  The words had left my mouth before I even
knew what I was doing.  Once it was out I knew there was no turning
back.  So I did the next best thing.  I apologized.

 “What right do you have?”  That brought me back to the
conversation.

 “Look Faith, I didn’t ask for this and I’m sorry you don’t return it,
but I won’t be sorry for how I feel.  If you’ve taught me anything-“

 I was abruptly cut off by her lips on mine.

Emily:

I heard him apologize again, and then he started to babble.  Still in
shock, I did the first thing to come to mind that would shut him up, damning the
consequences.

 I kissed him.  And the next thing I knew, he was kissing me back.

TBC

Author's Note:  Please review!!!!!