*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part I
by Orinana


Parker stumbled into the elevator, not quite awake enough yet to fully function. She didn't even want to get up; spending the morning with Mr. and Mrs. Perfect Hosts was enough to re-awaken her nausea, which thankfully had subsided when she woke up. There was exactly one reason, and one reason only, that she was headed up two floors: coffee.

She still couldn't believe she'd slept all night, though really she shouldn't be surprised. The exhaustion was bound to come--it was just rather frightening to realize that she was progressing that quickly. Last night she'd ignored the weariness, but the pounding in her head refused to subside, so finally she'd relented to lying on the bed, on her back; while it'd helped her headache, her mind was more stressed than before, as she lie staring at the ceiling, contemplating her fate: the rest of her life, the next 72 hours--it was no comfort to realize that those two ideas were now the same.

The elevator bell dinged, the doors slid open slowly, just like usual. She opened the door to the penthouse, went ahead inside. She passed Syd and Broots on the balcony, and though she gave the latter the same snappy attitude, it was merely out of habit, and as she walked on past, Parker couldn't even remember what she'd said.

Moving on to the kitchen, she truly felt like she was going to throw up, not because of nausea, but the sight of Julia bustling about, hair and makeup immaculate -even at this god-awful hour- and humming sweetly. She looked up from the cookbook in her hands, and smiled as she spotted Parker -a tone paler than she recalled- in the entranceway. "Good morning. Get enough sleep?"

"Unfortunately," she muttered. "Coffee?"

"Over there, next to the fridge."

Parker mumbled thanks, then made a beeline for the pot. Not until after many heavenly sips did she bother to speak up, asking, "Where's Jarod?"

"Downtown, getting eggs and a few other things I needed."

"For?"

"Breakfast. He loves my pancakes."

Parker looked up from her mug. "You cook?"

"Absolutely--always from scratch. Things always taste better that way, don't you think?" Parker didn't reply, just drank more coffee to keep her mouth shut. She was beginning to hate this girl more and more...

When Julia began to hum show tunes, Parker slammed her mug down and headed out of the kitchen. Five more minutes with her, and Parker wouldn't be the first die.

"Where are you going?" Broots asked as she stomped past.

"Jogging!" she snapped, slamming the door behind her.

~~~~~~~~~

She'd thought that a long walk along the bay would help to calm her way-too-frayed nerves. In the end, she never even left the building. Parker was so lost in her thoughts, she'd been wandering around the basement floor 20 minutes before even she even realized where she was. Entering one of the apartments, she remembered what Julia'd said about them just being completed. She was right--the carpet was freshly laid, the smell of paint was just beginning to fade, and there was no sign of decoration, an odd change from the furnished penthouses upstairs.

Feeling the throb increase, she looked down at the sleeve of her blue silk shirt with dismay. Her clothes of preference were always tight, showy, and the ones she'd packed for this trip were no different. She'd been grateful at first this morning, finding that Jarod had dropped her luggage off in her living room, but now, seeing how clear the tight shirt made it that her shoulder was swollen, Parker regretted the choice. With a sigh, she slipped back on her business jacket.

Parker sat down in the middle of the large living room, and stared around her. It reminded her of the Centre, so empty, and lacking life.

~~~~~~~~~

It was another half hour before Parker returned to the top penthouse. In the dining room sat the other four, about to begin breakfast. Jarod looked up, and his face lit up. "There she is."

"Wow, that must've been some run," Julia commented.

"What?"

"You're sweating," Julia replied. With a look of surprise, Parker raised a hand to her forehead, and felt moisture. She'd been so lost in contemplation of the Centre, she hadn't even noticed that she'd broken out in a cold sweat.

"Oh, yeah," she answered weakly, taking a seat at the table. While Julia hurried back into the kitchen, Jarod looked at her questioningly, but she offered no explanation, just looked down at the mahogany table.

A moment later, Julia returned. "Here you are," she said brightly, putting a steaming plate right beneath Parker's nose. With one look at the food, her stomach clenched, and she shot up and ran to the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~

After a few minutes of gagging -and worse- Parker returned, offering no explanation, just smiled and assured everyone that she was fine. She was grateful to note that her plate was gone. Trying to get back to normalcy, she tried to get into the conversation with everyone else. As Syd and Jarod began to discuss some foreign stock market, Jarod frowned and looked around. "Where's that tapping coming from?"

Parker realized her leg had begun to shake, and placed a firm hand on it under the table. Figuring it had quit, Jarod shrugged and continued his conversation. Feeling the nausea return as the smell of everyone else's food wafted towards her, she got a glass of water from the kitchen, then headed out to balcony. More than anything else, she just wanted to go downstairs to her bed, but even the idea of an elevator rushing her down two floors made her head swim.

With Broots and Syd helping out Julia to clear the table and clean up the kitchen, Jarod saw his opportunity. He walked out to the balcony, being sure to close the glass doors behind him, and moved next to Parker.

"Hey."

"Hey." Well, that got him far. He waited a moment, but she didn't start to talk, so Jarod decided to go for the more direct route. "Feeling all right?"

Her head shot up. "What?"

"We had a tough night."

She tried to read his face, but couldn't get anything. Had he caught on, figured it out somehow?

Seeing that she wasn't going to offer up any information, Jarod spoke what was one his mind. "Parker?"

"Yeah?"

"I know."

*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part II
by Orinana


"So, how long are we gonna stay here?" Broots asked Sydney in a hushed voice, glancing to the balcony, where Jarod and Parker were in the middle of some discussion.

"Eager to return to the Centre?" Sydney smiled.

"Oh, come on," Broots replied defensively. "Like you don't find this the least bit weird. Two days ago we were tracking a pretender down--now we're his house guests."

"Nothing connected to the Centre is normal, Broots. I've learned to accept things as they come, strange as they may be."

"S-so, we're not gonna bring him in?" Broots was surprised at his calmness.

"Our job is to find him--it's Parker's to bring him in. If she chooses not to..."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"Miss Parker may seem a bit...cold at times, but she has her own code of honor, her own sense of right and wrong. Now I have no doubt that she will eventually capture Jarod, but you must remember that they were both raised in the Centre. To her, they're fellow victims of a sort, so if he helps her in anyway, it's no surprise that she'll feel an obligation."

"You mean she won't bring him in just this once, because we owe him for last night?"

"Exactly."

With new understanding, and bit clearer picture of his boss, Broots looked to the balcony. The glass doors were closed, so he couldn't hear anything, but the way Parker was staring out to the bay gave him the idea that much wasn't being talked about as it was. "But next time...?"

"She will not hesitate. You know she carries a weapon—ever seen her hesitate to use it?"

Unbeknownst to them, Julia stood in the kitchen, listening to their every word. She followed the path of their eyes to the balcony and sighed. Jarod was placing a hand on Parker's back, and saying something. She frowned. Suddenly, she had the greatest desire for these people to get out.

~~~~~~~~~

"Parker?"

"I heard you." She kept her eyes focused straight ahead, and made sure to reveal no surprise at his words. He knew? How the hell...

"Well?" he pushed on expectantly. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She turned to him. "Exactly what is it that you think you know?"

"Last night--" Her heart stopped. "--you did know how that was, didn't you?" Exhaling in relief, she shook her head, and even gave a small laugh, but quickly stopped as the action made her lightheaded.

"Jarod, that man is of no importance." And it wasn't,compared to what she was going through now.

Thinking that she was just lying to protect him from the man's identity, he continued. "Of course it is. Someone tried to kill you last night, Parker."

At the word "tried," Parker wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry. Instead, she did nothing at all, didn't show an ounce of emotion, and didn't reply.

"Why won't you tell me?" he demanded.

With an irritated sigh, she looked him right in the eye and snapped, "It's called doing a favor, you idiot."

He gave her a blank look. "What are you talking about?"

She studied his face for a moment, saw the genuine concern, and finally gave in. "The man last night...He didn't have a grudge against the Centre. He had a grudge against me." He raised an eyebrow, but made no comment. Reluctantly, she continued. "He wanted revenge, for his father."

"His father?"

"Yes...Jarod, his father's name...it was Nathan Crawford."

His face paled. "What?"

"He said it was my fault, everything that had happened. I know, it doesn't make any sense--"

"Unfortunately," Jarod cut her off grimly, "it makes all the sense in the world."

It was her turn to be confused, but she grew suspicious at his uncomfortable look. "Jarod, what aren't you telling me?"

"Back in England, when I told you everything about Crawford..."

"Yes?"

"That wasn't really everything?"

It took an incredible amount of control, especially considering her current condition, to remain calm. "What else? Jarod, what did you leave out?"

"I wanted to protect you," he said, ignoring the question. "With everything else going on, it just didn't seem right to drop something else -especially something this horrible- on you."

"Answer the question--what did you leave out?"

He linked eyes with her, took hold of one of her hands, and prepared to lay another burden on her shoulders.

"When your father got Crawford out, he drove him to the Centre to give him clear instructions, and the weapon of his choice. He remembered that he'd left something at the house-your house- that he needed, a file or something, so stopped there. While he was inside, Crawford was in the car, handcuffed to the seat. Your father...he'd left the door open a bit, and you just happened to be home." Parker's eyes widened, but they stayed linked with his. They were suddenly her only source of comfort. "You were young, of course, and playing with this doll. You stopped in the doorway, saw Crawford, waved to him..." The memory struck her like a bolt of lightning.

"I thought he was just a friend of Daddy's," she whispered. "How do you know all this?"

"You know your father trusted no one--there were security cameras hidden everywhere in that house."

"Tell me the rest," she murmured, feeling her eyes water.

"Parker--"

"Tell me!" she demanded.

A reluctant paused, then, "I think those handcuffs were all that kept Crawford from going after you. You'd gone outside, just a few feet from the door--"

"--and picked some flowers," she finished for him. "I made this bouquet of daisies. I was headed towards the car to give them to him, when Daddy came outside. I couldn't understand why he seemed so mad at me...I-I dropped the flowers; he picked me up and took me inside. I thought I was in trouble, but when he came home that night, it was if nothing had happened. He never even mentioned it."

"Why should he? Nothing had happened to you; Crawford was gone, with his orders to kill Helena. He thought the whole incident was over."

"But it wasn't," she realized with a tone of doom, "was it?"

"For you, yes. But for others...Before this, Crawford was simply a child molester. He had no preference, no real idea of the children he harmed. But after...after you he became fixated. You're probably the first child he'd desired that he'd never gotten."

"You said fixated--fixated how?"

"After he'd killed Helena, he disappeared, as per his agreement with your father. He lived a few places before Los Angeles, but was mostly a drifter. From what I've uncovered, there were other victims...all fitting the same profile: dark hair, blue eyes, all near the same age. The clincher was flowers--one girl was last seen in a garden, another was wearing daisy-shaped hair clips, most had a flower design somewhere on their clothes."

"God, no wonder his son blamed me."

Jarod nodded. "It must've been hard -or in his case, impossible- to accept the truth. I did some research on the family. Crawford was the perfect family man, which is why it took so long for anyone to catch on. After he was sent to prison, the mother had to work to support them. They sold the house, moved into a trailer. Eventually the mother ran off with her boss, leaving the kids with an aunt. Little Sarah and Chris had no idea what was going on. Later on, Sarah committed suicide. My guess is Chris felt that everyone had betrayed him--and Crawford, away at prison since he was a kid, had always seemed so perfect, that it's no wonder that Chris began to idolize him. After he got out, Crawford didn't contact Chris for a long while, not until just before he reached LA. They met only once--it must have been then that Chris realized the truth."

"And unwilling to accept it, he blames me."

"Exactly."

Suddenly, horrible nausea and dizziness hit her. Afraid she was about to pass out, Parker opened the doors and headed inside. "I'm going down to my room for a bit."

"Of course," Jarod said sympathetically, seeing how hard it was for her even walk. It must've been such a horrible shock, he thought.

Under normal circumstances, Parker would have been upset. But right now, she had bigger problems. In the elevator, she leaned against the back wall, and struggled to stay conscious. Just as the doors began to slide shut, Broots opened the door of the apartment and called out to her, "Oh, M-Miss Parker, I was wondering when we were leaving--"

"Back off, bald boy!" she snapped as the doors shut.

Face red, he went back into the apartment. Seeing Syd on the couch, grinning, he said with a look of indignation, "Well, that was uncalled for!"

*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part III
by Orinana


"Are you sure you have to leave so quickly?" Julia asked as they all sat around the table -sans Parker- drinking coffee about two hours later. "We'd love to have you stay." Jarod nodded his agreement.

"It's a generous offer, but really, we must be heading back. Lyle'll be at our throats if we don't catch that plane this afternoon."

"I think Parker will be glad to get back," she replied. "I've noticed she doesn't seem too comfortable around here."

"It was just last night," Jarod said to comfort her. "It wasn't exactly a calm evening."

"Still, she just seems so defensive. I can't imagine why."

~~~~~~~~~

Parker stumbled from the bathroom, her head spinning. Her balance was completely askew, and she fell onto the bed more than actually sat down. A sudden, sharp pain shot through her chest, and only the pillow covering her face kept Parker from letting out a surprised shout.

~~~~~~~~~

Upstairs, they continued to calmly stir their coffee and chat. Broots was even getting comfortable enough with idea of talking with their prey, that he added a comment or two of his own.

"So," Syd spoke up, "how did you two happen to meet?"

With a slight blush, Julia glanced over at Jarod. "In Canada. My sister Lydia is the new nanny for a little girl, Samantha Lansing, living up there. I was visiting my sister, and Jarod was spending was time with the Lansings. Once thing led to another, and..." Again blushing, she moved her eyes down to her coffee.

"And what do you do?" Broots braved.

"I'm a nurse, down in Portland as a matter of fact. Although," with a look over at Jarod, "this place is growing on me." The pretender made no comment.

Sensing that this topic was not one that Jarod was comfortable with, Sydney changed the subject. "The building was built rather well," he noted, looking around appreciatively. "The best of everything, and tight as a ship."

"Yeah, it is great. They even soundproofed everything. That way, people can feel comfortable having loud parties, without worrying about disturbing the neighbors."

Syd nodded, then glanced at a clock on the nearby wall. "You know, Parker's been gone for quite a bit. Maybe I should go check, make sure everything's fine."

Truth be told, Jarod wanted to do the same, but leaving Julia alone with two people she hardly knew wouldn't be fair. "Not a bad idea," he agreed. After a thought, he added, "And why don't you take some aspirin with you? After everything that's been going on, I'd bet anything one of her notorious migraines is on the rampage."

~~~~~~~~~

Parker stared up at the ceiling, thinking ruefully back to the days when the biggest health problem she had was an ulcer, or maybe a migraine. Now, compared with what she was going through, a migraine seemed like child's play.

Suddenly, a wretched sound blasted at her sensitive ears. At first guess, she would've bet anything that it was a jet engine warming up next to her bed. But, after a moment of trying to tune out the painful noise, Parker realized it was a knock at the front door. Too exhausted to get up, and hardly in the mood for company, she didn't even bother to answer it.

After a few more knocks, Syd tried the doorknob hesitantly; finding it unlocked, he walked in.

With a groan, Parker sat up in the bed. Someone was coming in, and though just the thought of standing made the room spin 360 degrees, she had to do something to keep up appearances.

Sydney appeared a second later in the bedroom doorway, aspirin bottle in hand. He felt momentary shock at how pale she was, and the thin layer of perspiration on her forehead, but made no comment, just held up the bottle and said, "Jarod thought you may like this."

She knew the pills were useless, but managed a weak smile anyhow. "Thanks, Syd. I-I didn't hear you knock. I was in the...bathroom."

Catching himself staring at her in concern again, he visibly shook himself, and turned toward the kitchen. "I'll just get you some water."

While he was gone, Parker checked her jacket sleeve, to make sure the swelling wasn't evident. Luckily, there was no sign of her swollen arm.

Upon his return, she took the pills, then reached for the glass. Parker gulped once before taking it--at this point, even the idea of water in her system made her want to vomit.

Syd watched expectantly, waiting for her to down the meds in her usual fashion, but was surprised to see her hand suddenly break out into a violent shake, so bad that water spilled over the sides of the glass.

"Parker...?"

"It's n-nothing, Syd," she reassured him, setting the half-empty glass down. "I'm fine."

Using a stern face to cover his concern, Sydney looked her straight in the eye and said, "I've known you since you were a child. I've seen you at your worst, and this, Parker, is beyond that. Don't lie to me."

She studied him for a moment, not quite sure of what to say. She knew that she couldn't keep this a secret for much longer, not without some help. And considering her options, Syd was looking like the best. Reluctantly, she pulled off her jacket, revealing her arm. Sydney's skin color quickly neared her own paleness.

"This, Syd, is my big secret."

"Parker..." He shook his head in disbelief, unable to move his eyes from the sight.

She gave a small, weak, sad laugh. "You don't even realize what it is, do you?" He shook his head again. "I'll give you a hint. Stage one: large, swollen, painful area around point of injection, and slight nausea. Stage two: heightened nausea, uncontrolled shaking, and severe headaches and dizziness. Stage three: extreme, radiating pain, weakening eyesight and equilibrium."

"LS49," he murmured in realization and shock. "You've been injected with LS49." He struggled to keep his footing. "But how?"

"That freak last night," she replied, ignoring the fact that there were three Sydneys in front of her now. "Last night, before Jarod reached us, he jabbed me with a syringe full of the stuff...His father was hired as an assassin for the C-Centre. He must've snuck a vial or two from the weapons vault while picking his gun out, and somehow his son eventually got hold of it."

"Last night. But that would mean you only have..." He trailed off, realizing the minutes ticking away.

She wanted to reassure him. "Syd, I'm...I'm fi--" Without another word, she collapsed on the bed, unconscious.

*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part IV
by Orinana




"Broots!" Sydney hissed, leaning into the doorway and peering around inside. "Broots, where the bloody hell are you?"

The nervous man in question appeared from the kitchen. "Yeah?" he squeaked.

"Get over here, I need your help." He obliged, hurrying over the door and looking around expectantly. "What?"

"Not here, you idiot," Sydney growled. "Downstairs. Come on." Broots followed him meekly into the elevator, trying to figure out just what was up with Syd. He was about as chipper as Parker in the morning before her coffee.

He noticed that they stopped at Parker's level, and gave Syd a curious look as he followed him inside the penthouse.

"Wait here," he ordered. Broots nodded, and stopped at the door. As Sydney walked inside, he caught a glance of the place--it was pitch black. After a moment, he picked out the barely audible sound of moaning coming from another room. It almost sounded like--

"Broots!" Sydney reprimanded him sharply, though he wasn't entirely sure why. "Get your ass back in the elevator." He tossed him a white pillow and comforter. "And take these with you."

"But--"

"Don't talk, just wait for me there," he ordered. The steely look to his eyes was making Broots nervous.

"O-okay." A moment later Sydney reappeared, pushing a fold-away metal cot along with him.

"Basement level," he barked. Broots nodded, and pressed the appropriate button. The trip down was made in complete silence. As the elevator stopped and the doors slid open, Syd impatiently grabbed hold of the cot and pushed past, dragging it behind him. Broots followed a little uncertainly down the long hallway, and into the last apartment on the left.

Flipping a light on, Sydney stopped in the middle of the bedroom, as bare as the rest of the rooms. Unfolding the bed, he brought Broots over with a sharp nod. After all of his rough, hurried movements, Broots was surprised to see the care Sydney took in making the bed, fluffing the pillow, airing the comforter, as if trying to maximize the comfort.

"Back upstairs," Syd ordered, and they retreated to the elevator. Soon, they were again at Parker's doorstep. Giving him an expectant look, Syd walked right in. "I'll need your help. Wait here."

So Broots stood uncertainly in the elevator, keeping the doors from sliding shut, and looking with question inside. Soon Sydney reappeared, and all he could do was gape, as Syd continued toward him, with slow, cautious steps, avoiding jostling the unconscious woman he carried in his arms. And
again he pressed the button for the basement level, and couldn't help but continue to stare. He'd never personally seen Parker -or any human being, for that matter- in such a horrible state.

~~~~~~~~~

With the greatest gentility, Sydney laid his precious bundle on the cot, and after seeing that there was nothing else to do at the moment, he walked silently back into the empty living room, where Broots was pacing rather speedily. At his appearance, though, the smaller man stopped abruptly, and faced him. "Mind t-telling me just w-what the hell's g-going on?"

"You may want to sit down for this," Sydney suggested as gently as his wavering energy would allow.

"Where?!" He waved his hands around sarcastically. "There's not a single damn chair in this place!"

"Keep your voice down," Syd hissed.

Broots lowered his voice, but it was still as angry and scared. "Whatever's wrong with her, she should be back up in her place, where it's comfortable and closer to us. Hell, more than that, she deserves it. For that matter, she shouldn't even be in this building. Mind telling me why you haven't at least called an ambulance?"

"We can't call an ambulance because if Parker's in the hospital, the Centre's bound to find out. There's nothing they can do for her anyhow."

"What?"

"The hospital won't even recognize the foreign agent in her body."

"Centre-made?"

"Yes."

"So we take her to the Centre, have them take care of it."

"That's not a possibility. Even by train, we don't have enough time to get there, and it wouldn't matter--the Centre has no cure either."

"So we fly her."

Syd gave a frustrated sigh, more towards the situation than his colleague. "You don't understand."

"Then explain it."

Rubbing his forehead and giving a concerned glance into the bedroom through the open door, where Parker -though still asleep- had begun to moan even louder, Sydney began. "When Jarod was 12, the Centre had him create a biological weapon that worked on an individual basis. The goal was not death, but symptoms so horrible that death was desired."

"For interrogations," Broots murmured.

"Precisely. Problem was, there wasn't a cure. He'd made such a perfect chemical, there was no way to remove it from the body. No matter how hard they pressed, Jarod insisted that there was no cure. Finally they accepted it, but rather reluctantly. Even the Centre clientele specializing in terrorism is hesitant to use something that hasn't a solution. Anyhow, fast forward to the ball--the man that went after Parker injected her with it."

"How'd he get hold of it?"

"That's another story for another time."

Broots nodded, then gave a look into the bedroom. "This is probably the wrong thing to say, but it doesn't seem too bad so far, considering what you've told me. I mean, it doesn't seem to be a very successful device for torture."

Sydney shook his head, then led Broots out of the apartment. The last thing he wanted was to wake up Parker. After closing the door securely behind him, Syd led Broots to the elevator.

"Where are we going?"

"We have to talk to Jarod."

"Oh." The doors slid shut, and they began their way up to the top floor.

After a moment of thought, Sydney looked over at Broots. "About what you said--considering you're involved now, I suppose I should explain the rest."

"You mean, like why she can't fly?"

He nodded. "LS49 is rather ingenious, really. Jarod created as brutal a drug as the Centre demanded. It attacks the very nerves of the body, spreading through the blood stream. Swelling and such occurs as a reaction. The problem with flying is that it includes a changed in altitude; during testing, the Centre found that any change in elevation resulted in an even worse experience for the victim, mostly because of the stress it caused in blood vessels surrounding the brain. As far progressed as Parker is, even bringing her down to this bottom floor may have caused a small bit off relief. Flying would probably send her into shock, if not kill her immediately."

"And how far, exactly, has she progressed?"

"She's entered stage three."

Broots managed a weak nod of understanding. "There are only three stages, aren't there."

"Why do you say that?"

"Because I know Parker, too, though probably not as well as you, and she wouldn't admit to even something like this unless it'd gotten really bad."

Sydney looked him straight in the eye, determined to give it to him straight. "There are four stages, actually."

"That's good, then, right?"

"No--the fourth stage is death, Broots." That last word seemed to somehow echo throughout the elevator, and he seemed to finally absorb just how serious this was.

"How bad is it gonna get?" Sydney looked away uncomfortably. "Damn it, Syd, I care about her too. Now tell me, how bad?"

Staring with a sense of doom at his reflection on the metal doors, Syd replied in a low voice, "Imagine torture unbearable enough to make a Parker scream in pain."

Broots was speechless.

~~~~~~~~~

Up in the top penthouse, Sydney and Broots sat down with Jarod and Julia at the kitchen table.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Julia smiled.

"And where's Parker? Was she okay when you checked up on her?" Jarod asked, showing a bit more concern than he meant.

Syd gave them both a hesitant look. "Yeah, good as can be expected, but listen, what we came to talk about is your earlier offer. We've been discussing, and decided that -if the offer's still open- we'd love to stay for awhile. We could all use a vacation." Broots shot him a shocked look--why wasn't he telling them?!

"And Parker agreed?" Jarod asked doubtfully.

"She didn't argue. So is it all right?"

"Of course!" Julia laughed.

"We'll be more than happy to have you. How long do you have?"

"I wish I knew."

~~~~~~~~~

Down in a corner apartment of the basement, unbeknownst to anyone in the penthouse, Parker -now awake- released the screams she could no longer hold in, pained cries that echoed through all the empty rooms.

*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part V
by Orinana


The day continued on, Jarod still in the dark. He did feel concern as the hours wore on and Parker didn't appear, not even to chew out Broots, but was calmed by Syd, who casually mentioned over dinner that Parker had moved into a lower level apartment, so that she could have some privacy. Even then, as he shook his head at a woman who insisted on working even when on vacation, there was something that just didn't feel right to him. And the fact that Broots and Sydney were never both around at the same time, almost as though they were leaving in shifts, kept bugging Jarod. Still, he tried to shrug it off.

Everyone headed off to bed around 11:30. Julia for one was glad to finally have Jarod to herself, but he was distracted by how quickly Syd and Broots said their goodbyes, and hurried off.

He lie in bed in a black t-shirt and baggy pants, trying to put the pieces together in his head, frowning, knowing there was something that he was missing. In the master bathroom, Julia smoothed her silk nightgown, tailored to show every curve, and walked slowly into the bedroom.

Jarod, oblivious to her standing at the end of the bed, continued to stare at the ceiling and think. She gave a small, slightly irritated cough, and he looked at her abruptly.

"Ready for bed?" she smiled seductively.

He gave a small frown. "You're kidding, right?"

Her face dropped. "What?"

"You don't find it the least bit weird, making love knowing full well that there are people asleep one and two floors down?"

"They aren't going to hear us," she pointed out, crawling into the bed next to him. He just raised an eyebrow at her. Julia gave a small pout, but got under the covers. "Fine, if you're not comfortable with it." She snuggled close, lying her head next to his chest. He wrapped an arm around her, and closed his eyes.

"'Night, Jewel," he murmured. "Sweet dreams."

"You too."

~~~~~~~~~

"I know I've already said this about a dozen times today," Broots said, "but thank god this place is soundproofed." Sydney made no reply, and he glanced over at the man. His brow was bunched up in concern, and his eyes were glued to the bedroom door, now shut. Obviously there was only one person and one topic that would get Syd to talk tonight, and despite how touchy a subject it was, Broots was desperate to get him out of his reverie. It couldn't be healthy. "So, why haven't we told Jarod about her?"

Sydney finally looked at him. "Up in the penthouse, Parker regained consciousness for only a few seconds. She clearly didn't have much strength, but she used what energy she had left to give me one definite order: I was not to inform Jarod."

Broots nodded. Right now, there wasn't a thing in the world that Sydney wouldn't do for her.

Just then, the weak cries from the bedroom slowly died down, replaced by a constant moan. In a flash, Sydney was on his feet and in the room. Parker was awake.

She was shivering violently, despite the three comforters covering her, and she was sweating profusely. Broots felt a bit lightheaded, as he did every time he caught another glimpse of her. She looked far beyond death at this point.

Despite her obviously ill state, Parker's blue eyes were as clear and sharp as ever. Catching sight of the two men entering, she signaled for them to come closer.

As Sydney sat in the folding chair next to the cot, she turned her head -a painful movement- to face him and said in a low and hoarse, yet somehow strong, whisper, "Promise me..."

"Anything," he replied immediately.

"I'm getting weaker by the...the moment," she managed. "I don't th-think I have even as long as I first thought..."

"What are you saying?"

"I wanna do this alone."

Sydney sprang up from his chair. "No," he replied sharply. "Absolutely not."

"Syd, please. I'm asking you...Try to understand, I have to."

"The hell you do. Listen to me, you have nothing to prove, to yourself, to your father, to anyone."

"You said anything."

His eyes softened, and he sat back down. "Please," he begged, "don't ask this of me."

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry. But this is the way it has to be."

"You're not going to change your mind, are you?" he realized.

She smiled, and weak as it was, it warmed Broots' heart. "Have I ever?"

Syd chuckled sadly. "No, I suppose not." He brushed a hand across her warm forehead lovingly. After a reluctant swallow, he nodded. "Very well. If that's what you want..."

"It is."

Suddenly seeing that this was really it, Broots stepped forward. "Miss Parker, I--"

"Don't, Broots. No goodbyes." His eyes watered, but sticking his chin resolutely in the air, he turned and walked out the door.

Watching his exit, Sydney knew he couldn't be so strong. Looking back to Parker, and seeing her blue eyes shining up at him, everything in him shouted to stay. Instead, he knelt over, and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, then stood and walked to the door. He paused, then -looking down at the doorknob in his hand- said, "Watching you grow up has been one of the few honors in my life. I'm proud of you." And he was gone.

The door clicked shut. "Thank you."

~~~~~~~~

When they were young, Miss Parker once caught a cold. It was a nasty virus, keeping her ill for more than two weeks. It remained burnt in Jarod's mind, not just because of the disastrous midnight attempt in the employee lounge to make her soup, but because it was the only time he'd seen her during the day in the comfortable clothes of a normal child, not the stiff and proper uniforms and skirts her father insisted on. Considering that she was in his thoughts, it wasn't unusual that Jarod should dream of that memory. What was unusual was how it morphed in his mind.

The memories of that time came and went. Then, suddenly, Jarod found himself grown, and walking through the darkened Centre infirmary. Only one light was on, at the end of the room, a warm glow that pulled him towards it.

There, pale-faced and motionless, lie Miss Parker, still young, still ill. Jarod looked around in confusion at all of the machines she was hooked up to. It didn't make any sense--you didn't need these things for something as simple as a cold.

Her eyes shot open, almost as if she hadn't been asleep at all, and she grasped Jarod's hand with her own small cold one. He looked at her in shock.

"Help me."

Jarod shot up in his bed and looked blindly around the room, his heart pounding and his mind racing. It took only a split second for him to jump out of bed, and run out.

He had absolutely no idea how, but right then Jarod was absolutely certain of one thing. She was sick. Those three words kept spinning around and around in his mind. In the elevator, it was that same instinct that told him to keep going, past the floor Syd and Broots had told him Miss Parker was on, right on to the basement level.

Slowly, too slowly, the elevator doors slid open, and immediately he was greeted with the worst sound he could possibly imagine: Miss Parker's agonized screams, strong enough to pierce the walls' soundproofing and echo throughout the hallway. He didn't wait for the doors, but urgently squeezed past, and ran as fast as his body could be pushed.

His own shouts, which he wasn't even aware of, began, mixing with her cries, as he called out to her.

"Parker! Parker!" And the echoing screams continued.

*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part VI
by Orinana


The Centre test results had never mentioned anything about hallucinations. The convulsions, the spasms of pain and the horrible chills, were things Parker was prepared for. But in a way, the delusions she was beginning to experience were worse than the pain. At first it was only misty shadows appearing momentarily in the corners of the room, and urgent whispers barely audible to her. Soon, however, solid forms began to appear, nearer and nearer to her. Her mother, Tommy, even Faith, all just out of reach, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.

Daddy was the only one to come right up to her. His face was stern, and he was shaking his head. Slowly, words began to form. "Disappointment...a failure...Don't be this weak, you're a Parker...Not my angel anymore...not my daughter..."

Along with her screams, choked sobs of misery began to form, as Parker realized that her last hour of life would be spent facing her ghosts.

~~~~~~~~~

Broots and Sydney were so fixated on the bedroom door, they nearly had strokes when the apartment door banged open and Jarod appeared before them.

He barely saw them, and certainly didn't say anything, just made a beeline for the bedroom. It took both men to keep him back.

"What the hell are you doing?!" he demanded. "Let me go! I have to get to her!"

"Quiet!" Sydney ordered in a loud voice.

Jarod looked at him searchingly, his heart still pounding, and continued to struggle against their grasp. "I know something's wrong--listen to her! You have to let me help!"

"No."

"But--"

"I said no!" Syd barked. "You cannot go in there."

There was a finality to his determination that made Jarod stop. He looked searchingly back and forth at the two. "What's happened?"

"We'll talk about this outside," was all Sydney would say, trying to steer him to the door.

"I'm not leaving her," Jarod said in disbelief.

"It's not your choice." Still clutching him tightly, all three walked out into the hallway. The screams and sobs continued.

Pacing back and forth, Jarod couldn't tear his eyes from the door. This couldn't be happening. She'd been fine earlier, hadn't she? Maybe a little upset, but...

"We don't have time for all the details," said Sydney, "so here's the basics. At the ball--" Jarod froze. "--Parker was injected with LS49." And the world spun. Only Broots, who still held his arm, kept him from falling to the ground. LS49...

A thousand things to say, but only one important enough to spend precious seconds asking now. "How long?"

"You hear her screams--she's already entered stage three."

"It shouldn't be affecting her this quickly. LS49 takes 72 hours to..." He gulped. "...to kill." His mind went to work, calculating explanations. "For it to be this accelerated, Crawford must've pumped an entire syringe full of the stuff into her." Sydney didn't reply, and he looked at him in disbelief. "How can you leave her alone like that?"

"It's the way she wants it." Jarod nodded. Of course it was--she was too damn stubborn to admit needing anybody, even now. And of course Syd would do as she asked. It was her dying wish.

They stood in the hall for a few minutes, all silent. Broots continued to wince at every scream; he wasn't getting used to the sound, and he didn't want to. As for Jarod, it was as if everything had shut down. Over. Everything, all over. And he hadn't even realized it. It wasn't possible...

Jarod's head shot up as his mind, hard at work, finally came upon the solution. Both eyed him warily, not sure how exactly he was handling this. "Okay..." he started slowly. "Okay." He turned, and ran to the elevator.

"Where are you going?"

"I have an idea." The elevator doors slid open, and he rushed inside. Turning to face them, he ordered, "Go in there. Keep her awake, do you hear me? Once she loses consciousness, it's over."

"Jarod--"

"Keep her awake!" The doors slid shut. Alone in the small space, he leaned against the wall for support, his legs growing weak. "It's not over," he whispered determinedly. "I won't let it be."

~~~~~~~~~

The nearest 24-hour drugstore was 15 minutes from the building. Jarod made it there in nine. He rushed inside, not even slowing as he grabbed the nearest shopping basket. The bored looking clerk at the front register looked at the hasty man in mild surprise, then returned his attention to his magazine.

Up and down the medicine aisles, Jarod barely registered his actions as he grabbed several pills and medications off the shelves, shoving them into the basket. Without wasting another moment, he raced to the front, practically throwing the items onto the checkout counter.

Walking to the register, the clerk began scanning the items, quickly hurrying up as he saw the urgency in Jarod's eyes. "C-comes to 76.81, p-please," he stuttered. Jarod pulled a hundred from his pocket, impatiently tossed it on the counter and grabbed the basket of items, and ran out, not willing to waste time waiting for them to be bagged.

In his car, he threw the bag into the passenger's side seat and started the engine. "Hang on, Parker. Please, just hang on."

~~~~~~~~~

Sydney slowly opened the bedroom door, Broots staying a few footsteps behind. The former took in the sobbing writhing form on the cot, and muttered, "Jarod had better know what the hell he's doing."

On the bed, Parker wasn't aware of their presence at first. The ghosts had disappeared, but she could still hear them everywhere, and despite her expectations, the pain had actually managed to get worse. Slowly, she realized they were standing there, watching her. "Make it stop...Please, Syd...I want it to be over."

"Shhh...I know, I know," he soothed, sitting down beside her.

She'd been crying for a while now, but new tears began to well up in her eyes. At this point, even her voice was weak. "I'm scared."

"It's okay," he assured her. "You're allowed to be frightened."

"I lied Syd..."

"Shhh...you don't have to say anything."

She ignored him. "I lied. I've spent my whole life alone...I don't wanna die that way too."

"You're not alone," he said firmly. "We're right here."

Everything was beginning to blur together. "I'm so tired, Syd..."

"No, Parker, don't."

"I don't wanna fight it anymore..." Her eyelids began to shut.

"No!" He gave her as firm a shake as he dared. Her eyes flew open at the pain, but barely stayed unclosed.

"Please, Syd," she whimpered. "Let me sleep..."

"Damn it, I said no! Stay with us, do you hear me? Nobody is dying today."

~~~~~~~~~

Julia sat in the kitchen, holding a cup of cocoa to warm her hands, and looked out the window with a sigh. Wherever Jarod was at this insane hour, she had no doubt one of those three had something to do with it.

The door to the penthouse swung open with an echoing bang, and Julia let out a small shriek of surprise. A split second later Jarod appeared in the kitchen, clutching a shopping basket in one hand.

She looked at him quizzically. "Where have you--"

"Where's your nurse's bag?" he demanded, looking around the kitchen wildly.

"What?"

"Your nurse's bag!"

Startled, she pointed to the bedroom. "On top of the dresser, but--" He ran into the bedroom without another word, and ran back past her a moment later, bag in hand. He paused only long enough to grab a glass from the kitchen counter, then continued on. Confused, she finally stood and followed him, but the elevator doors had just slid shut as she reached them.

~~~~~~~~~

Sydney and Broots were both at it now, taking turns shaking and shouting, trying desperately to keep her awake. And Parker, exhausted and in pain beyond imagination, continued to cry and beg weakly for them to let her sleep.

Both men looked to the door in relief as they heard the pounding footsteps. The door flew open and Jarod appeared. "Is she awake?"

Broots nodded. "Barely."

Parker heard the voice, and saw the dim figure. "What's he doing here? Syd, you promised..."

Ignoring the stung he felt at realizing that she'd specifically asked for him not to know, Jarod went to work, dumping his purchases on the floor. Combing through the items, he impatiently ripped apart the cardboard boxes and plastic seals. Broots and Sydney watched silently, completely perplexed, as Jarod broke open several different tablets, pouring the powder they held into the cup. Undoing the top of the bottle of water he'd gotten, he carefully poured a small amount into the cup, his calculation of the amount practically visible in his eyes. Pulling a few things from the bag, he first chose a small vial, breaking the seal and pouring its contents in as well. Finally, after mixing everything together with a Q-tip, he grabbed the final necessity: a syringe. Tearing off the protective plastic wrap, he plunged the tip in, and drew up a large quantity of the concoction.

Standing, he walked over to Parker, and placed a comforting hand over her own moist one. Then, keeping his eyes half-focused on her, he held up the syringe.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

He didn't answer, only said, "Everything's going to be fine. I'll make it okay--I promise." Still staring into her blue eyes, now a glazed over, with his own brown ones, he pushed the needle into her skin, and injected the mixture. A few long seconds passed, before Parker suddenly relaxed, her eyes drooping shut and her muscles untensing.

"What did you--" Jarod cut him off with the wave of a hand, then gently placed two fingers to her neck.

He waited a moment, then smiled, relieved. "There's a pulse."

Broots looked at him suspiciously. "Why wouldn't there be?"

Even replying, he didn't take his eyes off Parker. "There wasn't time to measure everything exactly. I just had to hope that the amounts listed on the boxes were right. Too little, she'd still be awake. But too much, and..."

"What are you talking about?" Sydney demanded.

Reluctantly, Jarod moved away from Parker, and turned to face the other two. "I remembered, when I'd been doing the work for LS49 at the Centre, coming across a certain formula. It wasn't a cure, but the drug put the patient into a sort of comatose state. The body all but shuts down--"

"What?"

"--allowing for up a lifespan up to a week longer."

"You mean to tell us you purposely put Miss Parker into a coma?!" Angry, it took everything Sydney had not to lunge at the pretender. "Why do it? Why prolong the inevitable?"

"I just bought us a week!" Jarod snapped.

"You worked on this project for nearly a year, and you didn't find a cure then."

"Then, Miss Parker's life wasn't the one on the line."

Syd grew quiet. "So what do we do now?" asked Broots.

"Her body will begin to react to the induced state in about three or four days. Then, we'll have to start injecting her more and more often to keep the coma going. That's pretty much our cut-off point. The LS49 will overtake her body between five and seven days from now. To wake her up and be able to insure there's no brain damage, we can't risk more than two more injections. All in all, I'd say we have five days, max." Broots gulped, nodded.

The apartment door opened. All three men froze momentarily, then turned as Julia appeared in the still-open bedroom door. She paled as she took in the sight before her, her eyes scanning the entire picture, lingering momentarily on Parker, then again on the mess on the floor.

"W-what's going on?" She looked to him for an explanation. "Jarod?"

He walked up to her. "I'll explain, but on the way."

"On the way where?"

"There's an errand we need to run."

*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part VII
by Orinana


The only sound in the room was the continuous, comforting beep of the heart monitor, and the occasional clicking of computer keys. She lie on the cot, still as death; Jarod shuddered at the analogy, then forced his attention back to his work.

Julia's job had been useful in gaining everything they needed. If they'd been caught while sneaking items out a side exit of the local hospital, she could've just flashed her nurse's ID and concocted some story. Luckily, they hadn't been found out, and managed to return to the building, and back to Parker, in considerably good time, with the monitor, an IV stand and the paddles. He couldn't help but shudder every time he looked at them, position strategically near the bed, realizing that if her heart should stop, that contraption was all that stood between her and death.

The IV drip was unimaginably slow. To make sure her body used as little energy as possible, just enough fluid was entered into her blood stream to keep her going, allowing no use of the digestive system. In her coma, the chills had stopped as the fever worsened; while the others waited
outside, Julia had stripped down the unconscious Parker, and she now lie covered only by a thin white sheet, her face and neck hot to the touch.

The very moment preparations were completed, Jarod went to work. In a corner of the bedroom he'd set up a makeshift work station, consisting of his laptop, a printer, a pile of print-outs and three pens, black, blue and red. What he'd failed to do in all his time at the Centre, Jarod was determined to succeed at within the upcoming few days: find a cure. He spoke to no one, no one spoke to him. Though he'd set the station up in the bedroom to be near her, Jarod didn't go near the bed, too guilt-ridden to face her, even in her present condition. And as for the others, it was an unspoken understanding that the less time spent in that room, the better. The work Jarod was doing was too far above their heads for them to be of any help, and the sight of Parker was not an easy one to handle.

~~~~~~~~~

Julia paused just inside the apartment doorway, hesitating as she heard the laptop keys continue to click away, then walked into the room with determined steps.

The sudden change in atmosphere nearly took her breath away. The rush, the pain, every emotion connected to the events were hanging thick in the air. In the middle of the room was Parker, still as ever. And, to one side, Jarod, hunched over the desk, completely unaware of her presence. Julia frowned, remembering a time when just the sound of her footsteps made him turn around, and offer that grin she adored so much. Then, guiltily, she took another look at the woman in the middle of the room. She waited another moment, but he still didn't move; with a small sigh, she placed the tray of food she held on the floor near the door and walked back out.

~~~~~~~~~

Sydney walked into the top penthouse's kitchen, bleary-eyed and exhausted but incapable of sleep. He and Broots had moved up into this apartment soon after Parker had been attended to. There was a sort of quiet comfort that came with being close to others with the same knowledge of the situation as you.

At the sink stood Julia, hand-washing dishes despite the dishwasher not but five feet from her. Syd could've sworn that he'd seen her washing those same dishes just a few hours earlier.

"Trouble sleeping?" he asked kindly.

She looked up. "Oh, Sydney, I'm sorry. Did I wake you?"

"Do have waken me, I would've had to be asleep."

"Good point," she smiled.

"I would like to point out, however, that as it is 3:40 in the morning, we should at least be attempting to rest. I'm sure spotless glasses can wait until the morning to be re-washed."

"So you've caught on, huh?" She frowned down at the soapy water. "I just had to find something to do. I've cleaned this entire place twice over. I'm running out of ideas."

"Perhaps you should try putting all that energy into studying what it is that's upsetting you," he suggested.

"Nothing's upsetting me. I'm fine." Her eyes didn't move from the water.

"I've heard that too often to believe it. I don't suppose it could have anything to do with the current situation?"

"Oh, no," she said lightly. "In a matter of days, I've been chased by a madman, met the would-be enemies of my boyfriend, and found a poisoned woman unconscious just floors beneath me. And, at this very moment, the previously-mentioned boyfriend is hard at work, as he has been for the last two days, relentlessly looking for a cure that seems more surreal than the poison itself, while a woman I barely know lies dying. Why, there's nothing at all odd about any of that, so why would I be upset?"

"I will admit, that to a beginner it must seem odd, the experiences we have."

"Beginner, right...But at the start of what? You know, this isn't exactly where I pictured myself being when I first met Jarod."

"His life is certainly a constant surprise."

"You know, I used to like surprises. Breakfast in bed, a bouquet of flowers in my car. Personally, I prefer Jarod's old ones."

"You seem doubtful of something."

"Not doubtful," she said slowly. "Enlightened." He nodded and headed out of the kitchen, but she stopped him as she remarked suddenly, "You've seen it too, haven't you?"

"Sorry?"

"Him. Parker. You're no more blind than I am."

"You're tired," he replied kindly, continuing to walk off. "Get some rest." She watched him leave, then tossed her dish towel into the sink with an uncertain huff.

~~~~~~~~~

Sydney peered into Broots' room, and found the man sitting cross-legged on his bed, just giving his own laptop the command to shut down.

"Talk to Lyle?"

Broots looked up. "Yeah." He held up a small metal box. "Thank goodness for this voice simulator Jarod gave me. All I had to do was hook it up to the computer, ring him up, and let the simulator do the work."

"Did he believe it?"

"Well, he was a little bit surprised, to say the least. Parker has taken a rather large amount of vacation time in the last year, but I threw in enough of her classic smart-ass responses to be believable. He's not expecting us back for another week."

"Good. One way or another, we'll have a resolution by then."

Julia hurried past the slightly-ajar door just then, muttering angrily to herself. Broots looked to Syd with raised eyebrows. "What's going on?"

Sydney sighed and shook his head. "It seems happily ever after has hit a rough spot."

~~~~~~~~~

He was at the desk still. He hadn't left it since her last visit yesterday evening. Jarod was pouring over pages of computed test results, making marks here and there in red ink. For a moment, Julia just stood in the bedroom doorway, watching him. He hadn't heard her. Once again, he was oblivious to her presence.

She continued to stare, and the words slipped past her lips, in a low whisper, before she was even aware of them. "I miss you."

Jarod's muscles tightened momentarily, the only sign that he was now aware of her. He continued to work with the papers in front of him as he absently replied, "What are you talking about? I haven't gone anywhere."

"Yes, you have." Silence. He didn't reply, he was already engrossed again in his work. She could leave now, and he probably wouldn't even remember that she'd been there. However, not willing to let it go, she determinedly added, "Jarod."

He reluctantly put down his pen and turned to face her, realizing that she obviously had something to say. "Talk to me."

She was somewhat surprised to actually have his attention, and it was a moment before she replied, "Where do you see us five years from now?"

He gave a sigh, something like a hidden growl of irritation. This was hardly the time for a relationship discussion. "Can this wait?"

"No, I don't think it can." He looked at her with blank eyes. God, she thought, he really doesn't know. "What are you doing, Jarod? Huh? What are you doing? You don't sleep, you barely eat. You haven't left this room in three days, and I haven't even spoken to you in who knows how long."

"What? You want me to just stand by, let her go without a fight?" he demanded sharply. "Go on playing house with you while an innocent woman slips away?"

"Of course not," she snapped. "I'm not that heartless."

"Then what?"

"Then...nothing, I suppose," she admitted, with a look of self-realization. "I guess I was giving it one last shot. Just one thread of hope, you know?" His eyebrows bunched in confusion. "I was looking for a reason to stay."

That caught his attention. "What?"

Her eyes were beginning to water, and as angry as she was at herself for it, Julia had known she wouldn't be able to get through this without crying. "When we first met, it was incredible. It was as if we had that perfect bond. Then you started to tell me the truth, about yourself, about your past...Now, I've been shot at, hunted by a lunatic, and befriended by people from a horrible place like the Centre. Every day I stay with you, I'm that much deeper into your life, and considering recent events, that's not necessarily a good thing."

"I don't want to lose you."

"I know," she murmured, then visibly shaking herself, she straightened up and tried -unsuccessfully- to hold back the overflowing tears. "And that's why I'm doing this. One of us has to be the strong one, and you're not in the position to be that person."

"I don't understand."

"You can't be the one to deal with this," she explained slowly, "because you've yet to know the facts. You don't even realize it."

"Realize what?" he asked, beginning to feel a slight panic as he realized that she was really leaving. "What are you talking about?"

"That bond I mentioned...it's so rare. Most people don't even have a shot at it, but you...I had suspicions long before any of this. You would say her name, and this smile would appear that I never saw any other time. And I ignored it, only saw what I wanted to, because I was so sure I could make things change..."

"Julia..." He couldn't think of anything to say. He was still lost as to her point; for that matter, he didn't have a damn clue who she was even talking about.

"When you and I are alone, it's amazing. But you two...When she's near you, it's as if there's no one else in the world. God, Jarod, strangers at some stuffy society event see what you don't. For that one moment, those few seconds, when you were speaking to Parker at the ball, every pair of eyes in that room was drawn to the two of you."

"Parker?" he echoed in disbelief. "You think that Parker and I...?"

"No. You're too good a person for that. I know you'd never go behind my back." She studied his face for a moment. "You still don't see it, do you? I'm leaving Jarod...I'm leaving because I know that I'd be a fool to try and come between you, just as you'll be a fool if you let this chance go by...You'll save her," she added confidently. "I know you will. I have faith in you--so does she."

"Don't do this. Don't throw away what we have because of what you think is happening."

"Despite everything you two have said and done to each other over the years, you've made it this far. Think about it. What we have...it's nothing, compared to the two of you." She turned, walked out of the bedroom, stopped after opening the apartment door. Jarod had moved to the bedroom doorway, and much as he wanted to keep going, his feet didn't seem willing to move. She turned, and said, in a low earnest whisper, "There is a connection, Jarod. Whether or not you see it now, whether you admit it, it's there."

And she was gone, the door clicking shut behind her. He barely heard a soft voice murmur, "Goodbye," then nothing. And no matter what, his feet remained frozen. A full ten minutes he stood, observing the closed door with something between disbelief, sadness and anger. Then, resolutely, he turned back into the bedroom, and resumed his work, pushing aside any thoughts of a woman named Julia aside, and concentrating his entire mind on the formula results before him.

*Disclaimer: I don't own "The Pretender" or any of its characters. Thanx for not suing! ~Oriana

1) Paper Snowflakes (the original, isn't a sequel)
2) To Dance In An English Garden
3) A Night To Remember
4) The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
5) Life In A Heartbeart
6) With Me (the last in the series)

~~~~~~~~~

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Part VIII
by Oriana


The two men sat in Broots' bedroom, on chairs scooted next to the cracked door, listening to the sounds down the hall, giving each other uncertain looks, then listening again. Though he may not know what exactly had caused her to run up here a few hours earlier, Sydney had been on enough hurried chases of Jarod through plenty of towns to recognize the noises of luggage being packed. It was going on longer than he was accustomed with, however, suggesting that she was taking quite a bit with her.

Finally, Syd stood up with reluctance and opened the door. "You think that's a good idea?" Broots asked nervously.

"One of us has to find out what's going on," Syd pointed out. "Would you prefer to go?" Broots didn't answer.

Walking down the hall, he gently rapped on the bedroom door, then walked in. Julia, red-eyed and sniffling, was placing her belongings into bags. She looked over at him and gave a weak smile. "Oh, hello Syd."

"Leaving us?"

She nodded, then resumed packing. "Yeah..."

"Am I right in assuming that you won't be coming back?"

She stopped, as if she wasn't sure, then shook her head and began to zip up the luggage. "It's over."

"I'm sorry to hear that."

"Me too. Oh, well. C'est la vie, ya know?" She nodded towards the window. "See if my cab's here, won't you?"

He glanced outside, and spotted a yellow taxi pulling up. "Just. Want me to give you a hand with those bags?"

"Please," she smiled. "To the elevator. The driver can take care of them from there."

They both took hold of luggage, and headed out of the penthouse, Broots finally catching on and tagging along with one of the smaller pieces. At the elevator, she gave a nod of thanks and pressed a button for the main level. "It was a pleasure meeting you. Unique...but nice." The doors closed. Sydney and Broots gave each other a look.

"Never an uneventful moment around here, is there, Broots?"

~~~~~~~~~

For about the tenth time, the formulas in front of his eyes began to blur. Jarod shook his head, then continued to study them as the printer created another small pile to be checked. He finished the set, then crossed it all out in red with an angry growl. Not even close. None of the numbers or sequences came near to what Parker's body needed. Tossing the pen onto the desk, he took a moment to massage his throbbing temples, then resolutely pulled out the newest pile.

"Why don't you let me do that?"

He didn't bother to look up. "No."

"Jarod, I really think you should take a break. You've just gone through a very emotionally trying experience."

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that your girlfriend has just left you."

"It was her own decision to leave."

"That doesn't mean she wanted to do it. I don't care what she said down here, I saw the look in her eyes. You could probably beat her taxi to the airport. If you asked her to, she'd stay."

"Great, an ultimatum. I go after the girl I care for, but quite possibly lose another. It's not fair--I was just starting to get back a lost friend, only to have her taken away again. Parker's life is hanging in the balance. If Julia is what I have to sacrifice to keep her going, then there's no choice. Every moment is too precious."

"I know you'd do anything."

"I am not giving her up without a fight," Jarod said matter-of-factly. "I don't care what it takes, I refuse to let her go."

"Fine, so you're willing to lose Julia, but that still leaves you with three days of no sleep. That's not healthy."

"I'm not tired."

"Then eat something. The last thing you had was a few sips of coffee this morning. God only knows when you ate."

"Half an apple, yesterday morning," he replied automatically.

"You need to stop." Jarod didn't even bother wasting time to reply to that. "The formulation and creation is your specialty, but I do know what to look for in the results."

"All it takes is one little mistake. You miss it once, we'll never have the chance to check it again."

"I'd say there's more chance of you missing something right now, given your current condition. You're running on pure adrenaline."

"I said no."

"You're of no help to her if you end up unconscious from exhaustion and hunger." Jarod looked up hesitantly. "You know I'm right."

He stood, but didn't move away from the desk. "One hour," he allowed.

"Agreed." Sydney walked over and collected the new sheets of data. Jarod's eyes wandered towards the cot. Sydney cleared his throat. "I think I'm going to check these in the living room. Better lighting." Jarod nodded, and he left, closing the door behind him.

Jarod took the chair from the desk and moved it over next to Parker's bedside. He sat, looked for a moment at her uncertainly, then took hold of her too-warm hand. He began to concentrate on her wrist, not stuck with an IV tube with the other, but untouched. There were only a few scratches, from the hedge maze, he realized. Jarod was holding it gently, as if he was afraid he would break it, and tracing her fingers softly with his own, when he finally allowed his eyes to move to her face. She was flushed, and so still. He brushed a hand over her forehead. Her hair was still slightly wavy from the ball. Eyelids and thick lashes hid her eyes, and it wasn't until he really saw that he couldn't look into those blue oceans for comfort, that it came to him just how much he missed it.

The heart monitor continue to beep, echoing in the otherwise silent room. He moved the hand back to hers, cupped it with both, and continued to study her face. His eyes began to wander lower, unsure why. Then he saw it.

There, resting in the nape of her neck, was the blue angel charm he'd given her, held in place by the same thin silver chain.

For the first time since inducing her coma, Jarod felt the familiar lump rise in his throat. His body began to shudder, until finally his sobs came, choked and painful. Resting his head against her abdomen, not releasing her hand, Jarod began to cry.

"I will not let you go," he managed in a rough voice, then continued to sob.

When Sydney returned to the room exactly one hour later, he found Jarod in the same position. His eyes were shut, and though unhappy murmurs escaped his voice every few minutes, his breathing was even. Syd didn't wake him, but allowed the pretender the much-needed rest.

Jarod would spend seven hours sleeping with his head resting on Parker, clutching her hand with one of his own, while the other was wrapped loosely around her stomach.

~~~~~~~~~

The fifth day. The doomsday number everyone was thinking, but didn't say. Sydney sat at the desk, pouring over the papers carefully, but with an urgency he'd never before experienced. Broots stood at Parker's side, checking the equipment again and again, unable to do anything else. They'd finally managed to pull Jarod away for a second break. He'd numbly agreed to go into the living room for a while, but when Broots went to check on him, he was gone.

Suddenly, Syd jumped up, the chair knocked over, reading and re-reading the paper he held in disbelief. Broots, concentrated on the monitor, jumped as well at the noise and gave a shout of panic, then glared at Syd. "What the hell?!"

"This could be it," Sydney said excitedly, not tearing his eyes from the paper. "My god, this could actually be it."

"The cure?"

"I think so."

"Where's Jarod?"

Broots' grin faded. "I-I don't know. He left."

He brooded for a moment, then his eyes lit up. "Of course."

~~~~~~~~~