Red Tape
by Ivy


“Hello? Amica? I’d like to place a claim.

“Lyle, L-y-l-e. In Blue Cove, Delaware.

“My car was stolen.

“I already filed the police report, yes.

“I’m aware that this is the fifth theft this year. I’ve been through all the red tape before so why don’t we just fast forward to the part where you write out a check for it.

“What do you mean ‘voided the policy’?

“Look it’s 2 fucking a.m. I’m tired, I’m in a tux, I’m standing in a parking lot where my car should be and the only thing here is a little note card that says, ‘Tsk, tsk’ – which I cannot use to get home, I might add.

“I left the car locked. No, I know I left the car locked. I have the Club, I’ve got Lojack dammit but they said the tracker’s been disabled.

“Investigate what? This isn’t an insurance scam! My CAR was stolen! That’s what I have insurance for, to pay me back for it so get off your god-damned ass and write me a fucking check!

“No, no, don’t hang up! I’m aware that this looks unusual, but there are some special circumstances that –"

*click*