Angel of Death by Apollos Girl aka AG
Summary: Miss Parker must deal with a new development in her life

(another version of Angel)
Categories: Season 3 Characters: Miss Parker
Genres: Angst, Character Musing, Romance, Vignette
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 2222 Read: 2107 Published: 02/12/05 Updated: 02/12/05
another version of Angel by Apollos Girl aka AG
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Craig, Steven and NBC.

Author’s note: This is another version of my Angel story. Some had told me that they didn’t think Miss Parker would commit suicide, so this is an alternate ending. Hope you enjoy.



Angel of Death
(another version of Angel)

By Apollo’s Girl






Miss Parker sat at the edge of her tub feeling numb as the water slowly filled it, the steam rising in tendrils. As the water reached close to the top she turned off the faucet and lowered her chilled body into the scolding water. She still felt numb as she tried to relax, but her father’s words echoed through her head.

„Kill him Angel. Kill him." They repeated themselves over and over like a mantra. The Centre had decided after four years of freedom that Jarod was not worth the money to capture again. If they were able to capture him again, he would most likely escape again. So kill him, save money, not waste anymore people or time. Kill him, it was so simple and they wanted her to do it.

But it should be easy for her ** Shouldn’t it? ** After all she was cold, unfeeling, the ** Ice Queen ** She’s killed before.

** Your own brother! **

** But he lived! **

** You still shot him! ** So she was a killer. She could kill him. After all Jarod’s father killed her mother, he was the cause of all of her pain, the ulcer, the emotional; he made her feel the void in her soul. She shouldn’t care if he dies. She doesn’t care.

** But you do care. **

** Why? **

** Because he’s the only who cares for you. ** That was like slap across her face.

She got out of the tub and wrapped the huge towel around her body. She made her way to the bed and just lay there, not bothering to get dressed. Letting the water cool off on her like ice.

** Kill him Angel! **

Either way she would kill him. Bring him in and slowly kill his soul or just shoot him. Shooting him would probably be better, short and sweet, less painful. But would she be able to live with it.

** Probably not. **

** But what else could she do? **

** You could let him live. **

** Letting him live? **

** Let him find his own happiness. **

** Could I give it to him? No, yes, I don’t know! **

„Kill him Angel. Kill him, kill him Angel."

She opened her eyes in the darkened room and felt someone besides her.

** Jarod! **

„What?" She whispered as she felt him sit besides her, placing a hand on her bare arm.

„You’re cold." He whispered back, his voice silkily seductive. He ran his hands up and down her arms trying to warm her. She felt weak and confused.

** Why? **

„Parker." He whispered in her ear. Too close. His breath hot against her wintry skin.

„Can’t!" She replied weakly as she moved her lips to his. He captured her lips and deepened their kiss with each passing moment, his hands undoing her bound towel. She shivered at his warmth and at how his hands traveled over her body.

** No, no, no! **

They kissed more deeply, their bodies melding into one. She reached her hand out. Cold metal.

One shot.

Blood.

His.

Silence.

Miss Parker sat straight up, feeling the beads of liquid clinging to her body. She wrapped her arms around her. Rocking herself she looked at the bed.

** Nothing **

Her body, just sweat.

** A dream. **

She got out of the bed and made her way to her dresser. She put on her nightshirt and robe. Walking out into the living she stared at everything around her.

** You can’t do it. **

** Can’t do what? **

** You can’t kill him. **

** No I can’t. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. **

** What are you going to do? **

„I don’t know." She whispered out loud.

„You don’t know about what?"

„Jarod!"

** Oh please not again! **

„What are you doing here?" She demanded as she pulled her robe in tighter around her.

„I was in the neighborhood." He replied candidly, but she noticed something darker in his eyes.

She looked at him carefully. He was standing in the darkest part of the room, his black clothes enveloping him even more in the darkness. The lamp casted dark shadows across him, only his eyes seem to be illuminated, making them an endless black pool. He was wearing his customary leather jacket, tight black jeans and an equally tight shirt.

„What are you really doing here?" She demanded her arms crossed tightly in front of her chest.

„I’m testing my fate."

Miss Parker raised her eyebrows, questioning him.

„I know about the order."

„So you decide to walk through death’s door?" She asked.

** Death? **

** That’s what I am, his Angel of Death. **

„I’ve done it before, I haven’t died yet."

„Death wasn’t home."

„So is Death going to claim me?" He challenged.

** What do I tell him? **

** You said you couldn’t kill him. **

„So is Death going to claim me?" He asked again coming closer to her.

„Not tonight." It was barely above a whisper.

Jarod sensed the real truth behind her words and just nodded with a small smile.

„You never could kill me could you?"

** God why does he always have to do this to me? **

„Jarod don’t push me!" She warned.

„Parker." He replied quietly. „It’s just you and me. There are no bugs, no cameras, no one watching us, just you and me. How about putting away that façade of yours for a little while?" He asked somewhat tiredly.

** Hmph! „Put away my façade." Who does he think he is? **

** Your friend. **

** Some friend! Leaving me behind in hell. **

** He didn’t know. You didn’t know. **

** Didn’t know what? **

** How much you loved him. **

Miss Parker closed her eyes, hoping that everything would go away.

„Parker."

„Why?" She asked, resigning to her emotional tiredness.

„Why what?"

„Why…" She stopped at a loss for words.

** Why leave me? Why do I love you? Why everything? **

Jarod seeing the questions filtering through her eyes sat down on the couch and looked at her with a small smile.

„I don’t know."

She looked at him, studying him. ** God how does he always do this to me? Why am I so weak? **

** You are not weak. **

Miss Parker sat down on the couch besides Jarod, tired of listening to her conscience. Jarod placed his arm lightly around her. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back onto his shoulder.

„I’m so tired of this." She said softly.

„Why don’t you just stop fighting yourself?"

„Because I can’t."

„Why?"

„That’s the million dollar question."

„You know it’s not worth it!"

„What’s not?"

„Fighting yourself. You are just slowly killing yourself."

„Maybe that’s my goal." Jarod looked at her, his eyebrows raised. „Maybe I’m tired of this life."

„You can always change it!"

„Always the voice of reason." Parker bit out sarcastically.

„I’m just trying to help!"

„I’m not one of your goddamned Pretends!"

„I’m not Pretending." Jarod replied quietly with a hint of defensiveness in his voice. „I’m being your friend."

„My friend?" Parker asked almost incredulously.

„Yes your friend."

„You are NOT my friend!"

„I’ve always wondered when you began to think that. How we went from childhood playmates, to best friends, and at one point lover, to this."

„This?"

„This cat and mouse relationship, always changing between being comrades and sworn enemies." Miss Parker sat in silence not saying anything. „So when did it change?"

** When you left. When you left me for freedom. **

** Tell him. **

** No! **

** Why? **

Jarod studied her as her thoughts ran through her. He stayed silent, knowing that she needed time to speak. Silence prevailed for a while, until finally Parker spoke.

„Why dwell on the past?"

„Why do you?"

„I don’t!"

**Why does he always ask this? **

„How about your quest for you mother’s murderer?"

„What about you?" Parker shot back. „You are the one dwelling on the past. Always leaving breadcrumbs to the past. I am not the one dwelling on it, you pushed me back there!"

„Do I?" Jarod asked. „So you are saying you rather not have known that your mother was killed?"

„Yes! No! Damn it Jarod!" Parker stood up and walked away from him. Jarod stayed where he was and watched her.

„Parker, I just want to help."

„I don’t need it!"

„I can’t watch you kill yourself."

„Why do you care so much?"

** Why do you care? What have I ever done to earn it? **

„Because I do."

„That’s not a reason."

„I don’t have one. Not one that makes sense."

„Try."

Jarod got up and walked towards her. When he reached her, he turned her around and brought her eyes to his.

„Because it’s the way life is. Since the moment I was born, since the moment I first laid my eyes on you, I cared. I care for you as friend, as family, as an enemy, as my lover."

** Lover? **

„I’m not your lover." Parker said quietly, pushing away.

** Stop pushing him away! **

„Whether or not I am to you, you are to me."

„That doesn’t make any sense Jarod."

„I told you that it didn’t. It’s just the way things are. You think I like it? Being in love with you?"

Parker turned around to look at him, studying him. He stayed silent for a moment trying to gather his words together.

„If you don’t like it then just stop. I never asked for you to be here, never asked for your help, never asked for anything." Parker said not wanting to hear what he had to say.

** You’re doing it again. **

** Doing what? **

** Pushing him away again. **

Her words seemed to make Jarod angry. He looked straight at her, his eyes dark and filled with emotions, taking her by surprise.

„You think I can just stop! You think it’s as easy as turning off a damn light switch. Ha! If it were that easy I wouldn’t be standing here. I wouldn’t be trying to help you. I would have gone and disappeared before you could blink. If I could stop I would, but I can’t. You are like this infectious disease that can’t be cured. Some days I can forget about it pretend it isn’t there, but there always comes some reminder. You chasing me, a memory that resurfaces, someone with a resemblance to you or any small thing that is you! Don’t tell me to stop Parker. I’ve tried. Whether you like it or not I will always be a part of your life, dead or alive because I will always try to help and protect you. I love you and that’s that!"

Parker stared at him with an open mouth so shocked by what he said. Jarod calmed down and began to wonder if he should have said all those things, but it felt good. It felt good to finally get it all out.

** What should I do? **

** Tell him you love him. **

** I don’t think I can. **

** Then don’t think! **

„Parker I don’t really expect anything from you, I can only hope. I just want you to understand. I’ll see you." Jarod turned around and began to leave.

„Wait. I-" Parker began but couldn’t finish. Jarod looked at her and waited.

„If things were different, Jarod…"

„It can be." He walked up to her. She looked at him, eyes showing how lost she was.

„No it can’t Jarod. Not when they want you dead and me to do it. Not with the ways things are."

** Not when I want it so much. **

„I can make it different, I can make it work."

„No-" Before she could say anything else, he kissed her. Parker began to cry at feeling his lips on her once again.

** Just this once. Just this once I will let him. **

** It can be forever. The two of you can leave. He said he could change things. **

** But he can’t and it’s not for us. **

** What’s not? **

** Happiness. **

„Parker." Jarod said as he broke off the kiss, wiping away her tears.

„Go Jarod." Parker said as she pushed him gently away.

„Parker."

„Go. Just go Jarod." She shoved him away harder. „Go."

„I’m not-"

„Just do it! Before I do something we both will regret!" She took hold of her gun that was lying on the table. Jarod looked at her sadness creeping into his eyes until he looked into hers. A smile broke out on his face.

„I’ll always be near you Parker and when you are ready I’ll be with you." He turned and walked out the back door. Parker dropped to ground, her hand still holding the gun and cried.
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