Good story. It's always a little tough to write in dialogue at the same time you're writing the storylines. Can't wait to see what happens next.
I greatly appreciate you taking the time to rate and review my story. Yes, this was my first ever story I went for and I must say, I think I set myself up for quite a plot. I hate how long it has been since updating it, but so far all of my ideas just arn't rolling together smoothly.
Thanks again and hopefully I'll get some inspiration for another chapter soon :)
-HeatherReviewer: electricq Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 24/05/10 07:30 pm
Sorry, I wrote "wander" but is "wonder". Pardon me...Reviewer: loveyoujar Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 30/07/09 01:15 pm
Ok, I'm really hooked now! I wander how is miss P, you're NOT letting her there, alone and injured, so much time, aren't you? :)
However happy vacation.
Glad to hear it! lol ;p I'll try to hurry and get the next chapter up. Thanks again.
I'll be back tomorrow night (I've had jet lag for a bit and and been running around nonstop) Ready to be home and relaxing...and writing the next chapter to this story, lol.Reviewer: loveyoujar Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 30/07/09 02:29 am
NO! Not another cliff hanger Heather...
*stamps feet like a four year old*
I'll be patiently (or not so patiently) awaiting the next chapter! Have a great vacation!
lol...I know. Believe me though, I'm trying so hard to finish this story!...and I think I'll wait on writing another one for a while (or at least make sure it's complete before I post it) ;p
Thanks again Mirage!Reviewer: Mirage Signed [Report This]
Date: 29/07/09 03:02 am
You are very welcome Heather! Chapter 6 was great...and the plot thickens. I can't wait to see what happens next. Great job! Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thanks :D And I promise, as soon as I get some free time here...I'm going to go read more of your stories (Can't remember if I've already read Forces of Nature...)
Date: 23/06/09 02:55 am
V-E-R-Y interesting! some plots are just natural attention getters this seems to be one of them. It is always curious and interesting to see how each author conjurs up a life with the J/MP and the adventures the two of them may have.
Keep wriiting, with each chapter your writing is getting better and better.
Thanks nightowl for your review and rating!
I know my header for the story kind of strayed a little...but it's hard to pinpoint how the story is going to end up. Each chapter takes on its own personality and I have to roll with it, lol.Reviewer: nightowl Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 21/06/09 12:12 am
you are very welcome, dear!!
Author's Response: :)
Date: 19/06/09 12:20 pm
Great chapter,very intense! Looking forward for more!
Author's Response: Thank you :)
Date: 07/06/09 01:51 pm
wow, you're improving so well! I can't wait! Go on, ok?
Oh, and the kiss scene is very sweet.
Thank you so much for your encouragement! I'm glad it lives up to your standards, lol
Before I post the next chapter, I think I need to try and add a little more to it because there is so much happening in it :)Reviewer: loveyoujar Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 07/06/09 11:11 am
Hi just read chapter 4 it was very good can't wait for the next.
Author's Response: Thank you, I'm actually working on the 7th chapter at the moment...starting to get stumped again on where to take it. I'll try to get the next few chapters typed and posted shortly :)
Date: 02/06/09 05:58 am
The only thing I noticed is that especially Miss P seems a bit out of character to me. I don't think she would so easily adapt to a new situation like that. I would have thought it'd take at least some more convincing on Jarod's side to get her to play along.
And Parker at JC-Penney's? I expected an outburst, at least her threatening to shoot somebody. :-)
Otherwise I really like this story and I am looking forward to where you're taking us!
Hi Miss Shannon,
Thanks for your review...yeah, Parker's a bit soft in this one. I'm working on bringing her tough side back in the next few chapters (the action starts in ch5 which will be posted soon) :)
I like to think back to when she met Jarod's clone and how friendly she was to him...so that's kind of why she's so quick to attach to CaleReviewer: Miss Shannon Signed [Report This]
Date: 27/05/09 07:12 am
The story really is going well, I hope you post sooner than you think.
Nice the italian restaurant, if you'll ever come here in Italy I'll cook for you! Bye
Author's Response: Hopefully, ch 5 is already in progress at least...Thanks, lol :) Reviewer: Loveyoujar Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 27/05/09 01:24 am
Hi I love your story so far can't wait for the next chapter.
Author's Response: Hi Katescats, thank you :) I have a few ideas for some upcoming chapters that should really grab people's attention...
Date: 25/04/09 06:50 am
Good, every chapter is an improvement and the story is interesting. Don't stop! bye
Author's Response: lol, thanks :)
Date: 24/04/09 12:40 pm
I can clearly see an improvement in your style.
In the beginning the pace of your story was to fast.
Now its like youre hitting your stride.
Besides that the story is original and fun to read.
I especially liked the part of miss Parker cooking breakfast for Jarod and Cale. Somehow that was very funny to me. The idea of having miss Parker stay isnt new, the reason why she would stay is.(as far as ive read in other fanfic)
The dialog is pretty good allthough you do need practice.
Sometimes the dialog seems disjointed and a bit to direct. Its like something is missing but i cant put my finger on it. Maybe more body language?:P
Conclusion: Im looking forward to reading more of your work. You are one of those writers that will continue to improve with leaps and bounds. And allthough this is your first fanfic it is more then interesting enough to keep me entertained.
Author's Response: Thank you so much Mary for taking the time to tell me your thoughts and how I can improve. I greatly appreciate it and will do my best to keep the surprises coming; along little laughter as well :) Reviewer: Mary Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 20/04/09 12:44 am
Excellent second chapter! I love Parker's very in character warning and the very Jarod-like response when she invites him to bed. You don't seem to be having any problem keeping us interested. Congrats Heather!
Thanks Mirage, I'm goinig to try to get the next chapter up within a week. It's been a while since I've watched the show, so I'm trying to remember their bickering/flirting moments.Reviewer: Mirage Signed [Report This]
Date: 16/04/09 11:04 pm
I'm so glad to see a new chapter of this fic.Just keep writing ,please!
Author's Response: I'm writing more....it's just harder than I anticipated, lol. Reviewer: dimana Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 16/04/09 02:47 pm
You seem to have a really interesting take on the pretender universe, certainly looking forward to where chapter 3 will go!
Is that good or bad?...I'm trying to write something fresh that hasn't been written yet :)
I hope it will meet your expectations as it progresses.Reviewer: Anonymous Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 16/04/09 04:42 am
Good job ! Nice descriptive work and interesting plot.
Author's Response: Thank you for your review :) It's going to get better, I promise! Reviewer: nightowl Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 16/04/09 02:08 am
I like this second chapter, I'm happy to read your story, it's sweet. Maybe you could write more Jarod and Parker's musing, but this is just a little advice. Go on, please! you are good. Bye
Author's Response: Thank you for your review...I promise I'm working on that as we speak :)
Date: 16/04/09 12:11 am
Great story so far!! :D
Can't wait for more!! Love it how nice Parker is!! :D
Author's Response: Thank you. I'm sorry for leaving everyone hanging at the moment...I'm just stuck about half way through chapter 2. Just trying to think how I want the story to play out...But it is coming... Reviewer: Ivi Signed [Report This]
Date: 13/04/09 12:05 pm
Great start and different (in a good way).
One pointer, well hope from a reader. Finish the story or at least several chapters before you post again. Too many authors here begin writing and then leave us hanging (i'm sure you've noticed).
I've posted only a few stories, but I finished writing them before I posted a single chapter. If someone had a good idea for me, it was still easy to incorporate. And there wasn't a chance I wouldn't finish posting it.
Author's Response: Thanks for your advice...I do know what you mean. I'm am actually doing just that. With this being my first story, I imagine it will only be a few chapters...but I promise I'll finish it. (Just might take some time as the ideas come and go)lol.. Reviewer: amelia Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 31/03/09 05:43 am
So sweet! Love it and want more!!
Author's Response: Thanks, chapter 2 is about half way done :)
Date: 27/03/09 07:29 pm
I love it! Jarod adopting a child when he's just a kid himself. It's going to be interesting to see how it all plays out. I'm already wondering if Parker will help him or if she'll hang him out to dry. I look forward to finding out.
I am so glad you decided to contribute. Excellent!
Thanks Mirage! :D
Your review means alot to me. Feel free to post any ideas for it...I'm trying to play out in my head what I can do, but I want to make sure it keeps everyone interested with lots of twists.
-HeatherReviewer: Mirage Signed [Report This]
Date: 24/03/09 01:50 am