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Title: Chapter 1 - The World Has Changed

reminds me of another story or maybe you have it posted on another website?

 

Keep writing, want to know the sequel



Author's Response:

I have never posted this story before, if you could find the name of the other one I would love to read it so I am not using someone else's hard work

thank you for your review

Reviewer: Kenny Anonymous starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07/03/08 04:59 pm
Title: Chapter 1 - The World Has Changed

You have tweaked my interest with this first chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more.  Well done. 

For a first chapter ....perhaps a bit longer ?



Author's Response: Thanks for the review.  I am not very good at making my chapters long.  What I write seems to just come to me and then it stops so.

Reviewer: Phoebe Anonymous starstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: 07/03/08 02:28 pm
Title: Chapter 1 - The World Has Changed

Good chapter, lots of intrigue. It will be interesting to see where you go from here.

Just a thought, add a little more description, it's like coloring in a picture. Gives us more feeling for the story when we see and feel  what the characters are. I know it's not easy, I'm still trying to get it down.

Your plot is a good and leaves the reader wanting more. I do look forward to where you are going with it.

Keep writing. 



Author's Response: Thanks for the ideas.  I am working on it, but I find it hard with the whole description thing.  I hope you find an improvement in the coming chapters

Reviewer: nightowl Anonymous starstarstarstarhalf-star [Report This]
Date: 07/03/08 12:39 pm
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