reminds me of another story or maybe you have it posted on another website?
Keep writing, want to know the sequel
Author's Response:
I have never posted this story before, if you could find the name of the other one I would love to read it so I am not using someone else's hard work
thank you for your review
Reviewer: Kenny Anonymous [Report This]Date: 07/03/08 04:59 pm
You have tweaked my interest with this first chapter and I'm looking forward to reading more. Well done.
For a first chapter ....perhaps a bit longer ?
Author's Response: Thanks for the review. I am not very good at making my chapters long. What I write seems to just come to me and then it stops so. Reviewer: Phoebe Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 07/03/08 02:28 pm
Good chapter, lots of intrigue. It will be interesting to see where you go from here.
Just a thought, add a little more description, it's like coloring in a picture. Gives us more feeling for the story when we see and feel what the characters are. I know it's not easy, I'm still trying to get it down.
Your plot is a good and leaves the reader wanting more. I do look forward to where you are going with it.
Keep writing.
Author's Response: Thanks for the ideas. I am working on it, but I find it hard with the whole description thing. I hope you find an improvement in the coming chapters Reviewer: nightowl Anonymous [Report This]
Date: 07/03/08 12:39 pm